Monday, May 17, 2010

MunNocquoe Madness

Whale I don’t know ‘bout Y’all, but I found Sunday’s Monaco Grand Prix to be a bit Anticlimactic... Especially since the Pole winner led Wire-to-Wire, which according to SPEED’s Bob Varsha, the venerable Principalities victory has come from the grid’s first three starting spots in an astounding 46 of 56 events prior to this year’s race, and now is 47 out of 57!

Yet it wasn’t Red Bull’s perceived No. 1 MASTER ‘ZEBB, (Vettel) instead it was the red hot Aussie Mark Webber, who’s on quite the role as of late having won the past two Grand Prix’s from P1, not to mention becoming the first Aussie to win at Monte Carlo since some guy named Blackjack, nee Sir Jack Brabham did so in a Cooper Climax-T51 some 51 years ago...

’Dirtmann Helmet Toss Award
All I could think of was Robby “Dirtmann” Gordon’s infamous helmet toss at Mikey “Aw Shucks” Waltrip way back in the Dayzes ‘O RASSCAR when the two perennial “legends” had a coming together of sorts... While ‘Rubino, a.k.a. Rubens Barrichello displayed a most unusual fit ‘O rage during the F1 race in the Principality by tossing his wrecked Williams Racecar’s steering yoke at an unsuspecting “KC,” nee Karun Chandhok, who had a nasty scare in the races closing stages after unexpectedly “Hoovering” up the mangled electronic gizmo earlier in the race... This said gizmo is better known as a steering wheel in Formula 1, which apparently the price has dropped upon? As it was claimed to be only a $10,000 item compared to when The Kimster, nee Kimi Raikkonen, whose 200 foot luxury liner was in the Monte Carlo harbour this weekend flew into a fit ‘O angst during his McLaren Days and threw his reputed $30k+ steering wheel against the Team’s Pit garage wall!

Yet in Rubino’s defense he didn’t throw the steering wheel at any Grand Prix Piloto, simply in disgust with his FW32’s apparent mechanical failure after having run as high as sixth place.

WhineyBags” Winner
This coveted(?) Award once again goes to “Louise JAGUAR” Hamilton, who once again was caught WHINNEYING to his Engineer over having been told to please conserve his brakes. Yet, I have to admit its getting a bit old and a bit curious why the Media or Team’s trying to take him down a peg, eh?

Pen Pals?
All I could do was LOL over the fact that DER TERMINATOR, nee Michael Schumacher passed Arch-nemesis “Ferdi-the-Putz,” a.k.a. Fernando Alonso for P6 on the final lap under the Safety Car and presumably trying to send a message to the Scuderia, his former employer along with Alonso whom I’m guessing there’s NO great LUV-LOSS between?

And Varsha was quick to point out that the ex-Formula 1 Driver serving with the Race Stewards this weekend happened to be none other them some ex-rival named Damon Hill... Which is simply one more of life’s multiple ironies, eh? As I’m certain that Messer Hill dutifully upheld his position as they simply carried out the letter of the FIA law which clearly stated that NO passing was to occur in this situation, which I’m 173% certain that Michael Schumacher was totally aware of, as its good to see he’s quickly shedding the rust from his three year sabbatical!

So I sat there in mild agitation as Bob Varsha dryly noted that due to “Time Constraints” they’d be forced to NOT show the Post Race (TV Unilateral) interviews as they must simply move onto RASSCAR RaceDay; SHEISA! Uze Son’ O Bitches... WTF! I guess RASSCAR really DOES rule the Motor Racing world, eh? But don’t worry; we’ll have “extensive” coverage on the upcoming TSR (The Speed Report) tonight... Yeah right, sure Yuhs will ‘N I’ve got an USGP race venue to sell Yuhs! F%%K!

And thus, welcome back to the same ‘Ol never ending short nosehairs of the 800lb Gorilla happily known as RASSCAR...

Attention ALL Planets of the Solar Federation...
(RUSH: 2112, Grand Finale; 1976)