Showing posts with label Femme Fatales. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Femme Fatales. Show all posts

Friday, June 20, 2025

Time to “Race to the clouds”, Again

As can the Blue Oval win for a second year in-a-row?

 

Arse-sumedly like many, the Pikes Peak International Hill Climb probably goes largely unnoticed. Although I’d guess it’s got it’s legions of Hardcore Fans…

 

Must say I know very little about this legendary race, other than it once was the playground of the Unser’s, most notably Uncle bobby, who has the most King of The Mountain titles overall with ten. Having broken His tie with His uncle Louis Usner in 1986 in a Audi Quattro. With Bobby having a total of 13 wins at “Unser’s Peak”, with a further two Stock Car and single Sports Car category victories.

 

While ironically, bobby’s streak of six consecutive wins ended when younger brother Big Al’ (Unser Sr.) won in 1964…

 

The first race was held in 1916; with the years 1917-19 and 1942-45 not being held due to both World Wars.

 

Paving of the dirt road began in 2002, with the final mixed dirt/asphalt event being 2011. During this time, Nobuhiro Tajima won six consecutive events driving for Suzuki, in Escudo, SL7 and SX4 models. Becoming the first driver to break the ten minute mark with a new course record in 2011. Nobuhiro subsequently became the first driver to break the ten minute barrier in an

Electric vehicle in 2013 with a time of 9:46.530.

 

The same year, (2013) Sebastien Loeb shattered the nine minute mark aboard His King of The Mountain overall winning Peugeot 208 T16 Pikes Peak special with a time of 8:13.878.

 

In 2015, Rhys Millen became the first overall winner driving an electric vehicle, winning in9:07.222 aboard an eO PP03, whatever that is? With Tajima second, giving EV’s a 1-2 sweep.

 

And then Romain dumas bettered countryman Loeb’s record by 15 seconds behind the keyboard of His Volkswagen electric racer…

 

This Sunday, June 22nd is the 103rd running of the race, Where defending overall race winner Romain dumas will be aiming for His sixth King of The Mountain (overall) victory.

 

Last year, Dumas won driving a highly modified Ford F-150 Lightning SuperTruck with a time of eight minutes, 53 seconds and change. As this PickemUp’ truck reportedly produced a massive 2,200bhp generated by its three electric motors and producing some whopping 6,000lbs of downforce.

 

Dumas said the truck simply shut off during His eventual winning run to the clouds. After recycling the electrics and continuing on His way, He won the event.

 

Recall that Thy Leggy Juan’, aka Katherine Legge made Her Pikes Peak debut last year, driving an Acura Integra Type S DE5 thru Honda Racing Corporation USA (HRC US) in the Time Attack 1 division. But no idea how She fared on the 12.42-mile paved tarmac to the 14,115 foot summit.

     

Whilst another Femme Fatale was busy winning the newly created GT4 Division. As Laura Hayes in a Toyota Supra GT4 raced to the clouds in 10:20.487, winning the category. Becoming the fastest woman on the mountain in a car.

 

As Germany’s Lucy Glockner set an astonishing time of 9:58.878 upon a motorcycle in 2019! Before the motorcycle’s category was discontinued in 2021, following the death of motorcyclist Carlin Dunne during the 2019 event.

 

Also tend to recall that David Donohue, son of the late Mark Donohue was competing in the Hillclimb last year…

 

As Donohue recorded His fifth sub-ten minute run enroute to winning the Time Attack 1 division driving His 2014 Porsche 911 Turbo R entry. Along with winning the bergmeister award with His 9:49.429 run being the fastest Porsche overall.

 

Dumas has won Pikes Peak five times to date, i.e.; 2014, 2016-18 and 2024. Having set the current overall record time in VW’s monster I.D. R electric racer at 7:57.148 in 2018, which He hopes to surpass this year.

 

This year’s vehicle of choice is a Ford Mustang Super Mach E, which sort of resembles the production vehicle, if you don’t stare at it too hard! With Ford being coy upon vehicle specifics, most notably horsepower. Although having divulged it produces a Mega 6,225lb of downforce, Aye Karumba!

 

No idea whom else is competing this year in the Top Dawgs’ Unlimited division. Or who Dumas’s competition for King of The Mountain contest will be? Or if Four-times winner Robin Schute will be competing?

 

Meanwhile, just learned that Katherine Legge finished in the top five of the TA1 division last year with a time of 10:51.359, just three seconds off the current front wheel drive record.

 

As Legge will contest this year’s event once again driving for Honda. This time aboard the No. 93 Acura Integra Type S DE5, seeking to eclipse the record mark of 10:48.094 set in 2018. With Legge being one of six females competing this year.         

Friday, May 9, 2025

Indy NXT returns to Action, in Earnest

But like it’s Big Brother IndyCar and Alex Palou. Can anybody stop Denis Hauger?

 

Yeah, your Humble, Haggard No Fenders scribe Tomaso’s another dollar short and several days late…

 

Have to say I agree with For the Love of Indy’s Raymond Hando over how exhausting the sheer volume of negativity surrounding IndyCar is, albeit much is self inflicted, unfortunately…

 

Case-in-point is the series yearly inability to smooth out it’s schedule and the Uber annoying three week breaks at season’s beginning, after we’ve waited another agonizing six month to go racing once again!

 

Yet think those three week gaps are annoying? Then think about how the Indy NXT competitors and it’s Fans feel over the totally ridiculous 63 Freakin Days gap between it’s St Pete season kickoff and round two last weekend at thee Barber’s, nee Barber Motorsports Park on May 4th, nine weeks later, Youza!

 

Naturally, much has happened since I last listened to an Indy NXT race, for which I “Drop-in” for the Alabama round., the first I’ve listened to since I Dunno, sometime last year.

Learning that Indiana native Kirk Dooley was named Director of Indy NXT by Firestone on April 7th, and will oversee all operations and competition of the Feeder series.

 

Dooley previously served as IndyCar’s Chief of Staff between 2015-16. In in 2016, Dooley was named Director of Executive Operations for Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Leaving in 2020 to served as Chief Operating Officer of the Skip Barber racing schools.

 

Was ready to scribble all about Doce Femme Fatales in Indy NXT this year, before learning nearly one month after the fact that Sophia Floersch had ended Her Indy NXT campaign with HMD Motorsports, Huh?

 

As the 24yr old German driver reportedly had a misunderstanding with Her primary sponsor according to Racer’s Marshall Pruett and thus She and HMD Motorsports parted ways immediately, with no word on what Floersch will do next?

 

As Sophia qualified P17 and finished P12, two positions ahead of HMD Motorsports rookie Hailie Deegan. As Deegan makes Her transition to single seaters, with the Temecula, California native being known for Her Offroad and  NASCAR career. In ARCA, Trucks and Xfinity.

 

On a side note, learned earlier this season that Jace Denmark, who’s now racing for TJ Speed Motorsports in His third USF Pro 2000 campaign Has been signed as an HMD Motorsports development driver…

 

Norway’s Dennis Hauger claimed His first “Grand Salami”, Err Grand Slam on His rookie debut for Andretti Global. As Hauger is the first Indy NXT driver since Linus Lundqvist in 2021 to win on debut.

 

Hauger led wire-to-wire from pole, and set fastest lap. Along wit leading rookie Lochie Hughes in an Andretti Global 1-2 finish, ahead of Caio Collet, driving for HMD Motorsports.

 

Myles Rowe of Abel Motorsports with Force Indy tied His series best finish in fourth, with Salvador de Alba, also of Andretti global rounding out the top five.

 

HMD Motorsports signed Kirkland, WA native Evagoras Papasavvas to replace the departing Bryce Aron. With Aron moving onto Chip Ganassi Racing’s Indy NXT team for the remainder of the season as Jonathan Browne’s replacement.

 

While Hauger once again cruised home for His second win in dominating fashion, with a second wire-to-wire victory from pole. The story of the weekend was Papasavvas’s Indy NXT debut.

 

Papasavvas, who raced in USF2000 the past two years, initially had signed a partial season deal with HMD Motorsports. A three race deal beginning at Gateway and concluding at Mid-Ohio. Yet the HMD Motorsports reserve driver, who impressed during a Mid-Ohio test, was called-up as Aron’s replacement four round two.

 

Evagoras won His maiden USF2000 race at Mid-Ohio, His hometown track in 2023. Followed by a second win at Toronto and fourth in that year’s USF2000 Championship.

 

On debut at Barber Motorsports Park, Papasavvas qualified third, inherited second when Caio Collet had a throttle issue, and held off a menacing Lochie Hughes, Myles Rowe and Josh Pierson to finish Vice Champion, Err runner-up!

 

Hughes tried everything He could think of, with Rowe and Pierson nipping at His Heals, all to nought…

 

Indy NXT contests a Double Header outing on Indianapolis’s road course this Friday-Saturday.

 

While can anybody catch the red-hot Hauger? Who’s two back-to-back wins on debut matches Ed Jones start to His 2015 Indy Lights season. As Jones would win the first three races in-a-row before finishing third overall behind Spencer Pigot and Jack Harvey… 

Friday, February 14, 2025

Ode to DannaCar’

Yep! It's that time of the year once again to honour the Disco Queen of 'RASSCAR! Although I’ve got No idea  think She’s got a Valentine's suitor this year?

 

Having just learned that Danica and Carter Comstock Broke up over a year ago. Hmm? Isn’t “Tommy terrific,” aka Tom Brady available?

 

Nevertheless, here we go, And Ah One and Ah Two!

 

Toe to toe
Dancing very slow
Barely breathing
Almost comatose…

(pressdog!)

Wall to wall
People hypnotized
And they're stepping lightly
Hanging on her every move each night in Rapture

Back to back
Sacrailiac
Spineless movement
And a wild attack

Face to face
Sadly solitude
And it's finger popping

Twenty-four hour shopping

InDannaCar Land!

Flavour Flav HMS Monogram told me everybody's high
DJ's spinning' are saving' my mind
Flash is Fast, Flash is cool
Jacke Vanilla sez fast, Flashe' no do


And you try to stop

(Watching’ MAC Montoya, Sam Hornish & ALL those Open Wheel DEFECTORS!)

SURE SHIT!

Just go out to the parking lot
Get in your car and you drive real far

Away from the track!


After you drive all night, you see a bright flashing light

And it comes right down and lands on the ground
And out pops a Girl in a shiny sequin bathing suit from RASSCAR!

And you try to run but She's got a gun
And She shoots you dead and “She eats your head
And then you're in the Girl from RASSCAR!

You go out at night, eatin' Racecars

 You eat Marches, Reynard’s, Swift’s and Panoz’s too…

And you don't stop, you keep on eatin' Single Seaters
Then, when there's no more Racecars left
You go out at night and eat up Open Wheel Racing series instead

Like Champ Car and the IRL

While ‘Ol timers desperately cling to fantasies of a renaissance…

 

Face to face, dance cheek to cheek

One to one, man to man
Dance toe to toe
Don't move to slow, 'cause the Girl from RASSCAR is cutting thru

(Excuse me HULIO!)

 

But Mrs. Hospenthal is through with the competition

‘cause She's been eatin' a ton ‘O snicker bars
Yeah, wall to wall, door to door, hall to hall
She's gonna eat 'em all
Rapture…

 

Be pure
Take a tour; through the sewer
Don't strain your brain

Just check out that Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue instead!

And then say it real fast

Boog-itee- Boog-itee- Boog-itee!

Paint a train, cause you’ll be singing' in the rain

If dare ain’t some ‘Tin Tops on real soon
I say stop throwin those mountain dew cans at Pretty Boy Floyd

Junior Nation!

Just be good ‘ol boyzs and cheer for ‘dannaCar instead!

Well now you see what you want to be

Just like Mike, who’s trying to pump up ‘Dem Spin-Car ratings on TV
'Cause the Girl from RASSCAR won't eat Candy bars when She’s PEAK-ing

In the bright lights…

 

As now She's gone back up to MARS Where She won't have a hassle with the human race ‘cause now its ‘DannaLand!

And you hip-hop, and you don't stop
Just blast off, sure shot
'Cause the Girl from RASSCAR stopped eatin' Racecars
And now She only devours IndyCar

get up, ‘Cause She’s gone HOLLYWOOD!

 

(Original lyrics: Blondie, Rapture)

 

Originally written by Tomaso on Feb 15, 2008

(Last Modified: February 7, 2023)         

Friday, January 17, 2025

Time for another Rolex 24: GTD Preview

As “Drivers, Start your Engines!”

 

This year’s 63rd running of the 24 Hours of Daytona, better known simply as the Rolex 24, commences on Saturday, January 25th.

 

Reportedly 61 entries will take the green flag presumably at 1:40PM Eastern, a la last year’s start time. As heaven’s forbid this information be available early, Frick!

 

Having learned on Jan 3rd that NBC’s Rolex 24 coverage is set to begin at 1:30PM Eastern, before switching to USA Network and Peacock coverage. Before returning to “big” NBC for the race’s final portion.

 

Once again the Tintops’, Err GT3 Saloons; Uhm, Sedans according toTom Gloy features a robust 37 entries, if I’ve done my ryth-muh-tickin’ correctly? Having counted 15 GTD Pro entries, leaving 22 GT Daytona runners making up over 50% of the field.

 

Whilst the 37 Gran Tourismo racers will share the limelight with Thar two dozen Bigger Brother Prototype brethren. With the top tier GTP category and LMP2 category being split evenly with twelve entries apiece.

 

Believe I read there’s a total of nine Prancing Horses entered in the GTD ranks, giving la Scuderia the biggest entry.

 

Although the number’s actually just eight Ferrari 296 GT3’s, but still the largest contingent of Sedans…

 

Yet the bigger news is the advent this year of All GT3 machinery running with torque sensors a la the FIA World Endurance Championship’s (WEC) LMGT3 category. Which enables closer monitoring of exactly how much horsepower’s being made at the rear wheels. As I believe this is intended to help with the dreaded BoP, nee Balance of Performance allowances…

 

GT Daytona (GTD)

Naturally, I’m not even going to try previewing all 22 GTD entries, instead just choosing some that Peaked’ my interest Danica, Hya! Previewing each of the nine manufacturers competing briefly…

 

Porsche

Teams: 2

Model: Porsche 911 GT3 R

Iron Dames, No. 83; Wright Motorsports, No. 120

 

Naturally I’ve gotta start off with the le Femmes Iron Dames entry. Having previously scribbled about Iron Lynx divorce from Lamborghini, which is now final. With the Iron Dames side of the equation moving back to Porsche in a new multi-year deal.

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2024/12/racing-never-sleeps.html

 

The IMSA GTD driver quartet will be made up of regular’s Rahel Frey, Michelle Gatting and Sarah Bovy. With newcomer Karen Gaillard joining at selected rounds.

 

Ferrari

Teams: 5

Model: Ferrari 296 GT3

AF Corse, Nos 21 and 50; Cetilar Racing, No. 47; Conquest Racing, No. 34; Inception Racing, No. 70 and Triarsi Competizione, Nos 021 and 023

 

The GT Daytona field is stacked with a total of seven Prancing Horses. As I’m a Fan of Conquest Racing, run by former IndyCar driver and team owner Eric Bachelart.

 

But it’s the Cetilar Racing No. 47 entry that interests me. Featuring the father-son pairing of Roberto and Nicola Lacorte. Along with Lorenzo Patrese, son of ex-Formula 1 driver Ricardo, who played second fiddle to Nigel Mansell at Team Willy’. Rounded out by Le Mans winner “Anchorman” Antonio Fuoco.

 

While the driver announcements keep drip-drip-dripping out. With Triarsi Competizione announcing that Sheena Monk and Stevan McAleer, who raced together last year at Gradient Racing. Will contest the entire 2025 GTD season aboard the No. 021. With 24 Heurs du Mans winner James Calado and Mike Skeen joining them at Daytona.

 

Lamborghini

Teams: 2

Model: Lamborghini Huracan GT3 Evo 2

Forte Racing, No. 78; Wayne Taylor Racing, No. 45

 

Of these two Lambo’ runners. It’s the #78 Forte Racing  entry which grabs my Attenzione. As Bad Arse double IMSA GTD Champion Mario Farenbacher joins Misha Goikhberg for the full season. With RASCAR driver Parker Kligerman joining for Day-Toner’, along with Frank Perera.

 

Whilst “I Know Nothing” Herr Schultz! About the WTR Huracan entry. Other than Thars’ been a mighty Huracan at Andretti Global last year!

 

Mercedes

Teams: 3

Model: Mercedes-AMG GT3 Evo

Korthoss Competition Motors, No. 32; Lone Star Racing, No. 80 and Winward Racing, No. 57

 

Don’t know anything about the Korthoss or Lone Star entries. Whilst Indy Dontje, Philip Ellis, Daniel Marad and Russell Ward are the defending race winners aboard the No. 57 Winward Racing Merc’, which always seems to be at the front of the pack.

 

With the driver lineup remaining intact with the exception of Lucas Auer returning to the cockpit in place of Daniel Marad. As Auer, nephew of Gerhard Berger broke His back during Thursday practice prior to the 2023 Rolex 24 race. 

Wednesday, January 15, 2025

Golden Tailpipe Awards: The 2024 Streamliner edition

RADD!” A Modern Day interpretation of the Golden Submarine originally made famous by Barney Oldfield debuted at the 2008 SEMA Show. (Image source: autoblog.com)

 

Yeah, it’s that time ‘O year again. Yuhs know, Thee Happy, Joyous Shiny time ‘O thoust New Year. when I subject Y’all to mor of my witty repartee from thoust Mystical Isle of Nofendersville with my tardy, End of Year Overall Winners selections, Mateys! Which Y'all Clearly look forward to, Man Overboard!

 

As Here goes Nothin', with another Bevy 'O totally Un-Scientific, Nonsensical, Zany “First Take” Off Ye Cuff selections made below….

 

While Y’all can Compare ‘N contrast these choices with last year’s No Fenders selections in the following link.

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2024/01/golden-tailpipe-awards-2023-streamliner_0868706982.html

 

CATEGORIES

1. Racer of Year

Winner: Jorge Martin

My Numero Uno MotoGP rider finally won the championship this year! Becoming the first Satellite rider in MotoGP to do so, riding a customer ducati for Pramac Racing in its final season as a Ducati customer outfit. As Pramac leaves Ducati after 23 years to become Yamaha’s new satellite squad next year.

 

I’ll admit that I’m not exactly sure how Martin won the title, hence relying on Raymond Hando’s stats. Stating thattheeMartinator’ had a total of 32 podiums slplit equally between Sprint races and Grands Prix. Winning three Grands Prix vs. Francesco Bagnaia’s Mega eleven wins. With Martin and Bagnaia both winning seven Sprint races.

 

Yet crucially, Bagnaia failed to score any points in three Grands Prix, along with having only ten Sprint race podiums. As obviously Bagnaia had less points at season’s end vs. Martin. As I really wanted the Spaniard to win! Especially since He’s off to Aprilia next year, having been “Aced” out of the second Factory Ducati seat, that both Jorge and Enea Bastianini lost to Marc Marquez…

 

Other Choices

Francesco Bagnaia, Lando Norris, Max Verstappen, Alex Palou, Scott McLaughlin…

 

2. Stories of Year

Winner: “Andretti Gate” and Team Penske’s P2P Shenanigans

Whilst Team Penske’s farcical Push-to-Pass (P2P) scandal was thee talking point at the beginning of this year’s IndyCar championship. With Josef Schlick’ Newgarden rightly being DQ’ed from His St Pete win. Along with ScottyMac’ (McLaughlin) losing His third place, due to both Penske drivers illegally using P2P. This scandal seemed to drag on ‘n on with the denial-denials from Team Penske and Newgarden just getting bigger and bigger. Before El Capitano’, nee Roger Penske placed Tim Cindric and company on Double Secret Probation for the Month of May’s Indianapolis 500, Chirp-chirp Bueller?

 

But the far bigger story for Mwah wasn’t All of Max Blunderhead’s (Verstappen) “Defensive Driving” antics or trading barbs with George Russell. Or FIA Presiden Muhammed Ben Sulayem telling the F1 drivers to mind their own business and quit swearing…

 

Nope, for Mwah if was Michael Andretti’s ouster from His own racing team Andretti Global! Supposedly taking “One for the Team”, KumbaYa…

 

All in the name of money and getting General Motors to commit to building Power Units for its Cadillac F1 team in 2028. Since I find it most ironic thatFerrari has agreed to provide PU’s to Andretti Formula Racing LLC for 2026-27. As Just Sayin’, what’s wrong with that picture, Eh?

 

3. Race of Year

Winner: Petit Le Mans

Even though I Only listened via IMSA Radio to just over half of this race. The ending was so dramatic with Renger van der Zande’s Disco Ball turn out the lights Cyclops one headlight pass for victory in the dark! As what’s that song about One Headlight Jacob Dylan?

 

Especially with it being Cheeps’ and Cadd-Oh-lacs’ final race; as nothing lasts for ever, with Me and Cinderella in the middle of this ‘Ol Caddy V-Series.R and Renger pushing buttons but the Headlight doesn’t work…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zzyfcys1aLM

 

Other Choices

Sao Paolo Grand Prix, Indianapolis 500,; Uhm, “That’s All Folks”, insert race here…

 

4. Sportsperson of Year

Winner: Jamie Chadwick

Just so happened to listen to the Indy NXT Road America round and was rootin’ with two sets ‘O fingers crossed for Jamie to win Her debutante Indy NXT race! Which She did, holding off Andretti teammate and eventual title winner Louis Foster to boot!

 

As Jamie’s a great racer, whose only drawback has been lack of funding. As it would have been nice to see Her graduate to Indy Cars. So hopefully

, may be some day? While hoping Her European Le Mans Series season in LMP2 with IDEC Sport Racing goes well and leads to something bigger!

 

Honourable Mention

Abbi Pulling

How could I not mention the upstart Britain who the FIA made work twice as hard for Her eventual championship! As the 21yr old Brit’ thought She’d won the inaugural F1 Academy title once, before the FIA decided to reinstate the final round the week following at Yas Isle, or was it Qatar?

 

But No Problema! As Pulling just went out and claimed All three rounds Pole positions. Putting the title out of runner-up Dorian Pim’s reach, sealing Her title a second time in seven days! And will race for Rodin Motorsports in the British GB3 Championship in 2025.  

 

Other Choices

Katherine Legge, Erica Enders and Dorian Pim

 

5. Flatliner' of year

Winner: Austin Prock

Even though I no longer follow Drag racing casually. How could I not choose Austin Prock, Eh? As the 29yr old wasn’t even supposed to be racing this season, having lost His John Force Racing ride due to the ever crucial funding issues…

 

Yet with Robert Height suffering a nedical issue that kept Him from driving, enter Prock. Who reeled off eight wins enroute to His maiden NHRA Championship title in funny Cars!

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2024/12/a-foreign-world-bubbles-to-surface.html

 

Honourable Mention

Greg Anderson

The wily veteran claimed His sixth Pro Stock Championship title in a winner take all finale! Winning His 106th Pro Stock race, which is crazy! As Anderson’s now tied for second overall with Warren Johnson and Erica Enders…

 

Other Choices

Antron Brown and Jack Beckman 

Tuesday, December 24, 2024

Merry Kringle!

‘Twas the day before Christmas, when through all of the paddocks.

Not a motor was idling, not even a single Cosworth “Lump” could be heard.


The garages were swept and tidied with care,
In hopes that Roger Penske soon would be there.

The mechanics were nestled all snug in their beds.
While visions of Championship bonuses danced in their heads.
(Not to mention HULIO dreaming of what might have been, if only he hadn't crashed over that 'Yump in Houston)

 

And “Princess” in her negligee, (Or was that her Cowboy Hat 'N swim suit?) Along with Paul Tracy in his crash bucket, had just settled down for a quick tryst in the sack.

 

(Hey! I hear that Dan-Dan-Danickers' now available, right Aaron? Likes guess that’s Not the Only fumble You’ve Made? Although I hear Carter Comstock’s Dropped Danica too…)

 

When out on the lawn there arose such a racket, ‘ol PT sprang from the bed to see what “TAG, Suitcase Servia, Whiney Bags and Bad Bobby D’ were groaning about.

 

Away to the window Tracy flew like a demon. Ran over the back markers and punted the Hamburgular clear outta the way.

 

The smoke from between Sea Bass’s ears. Glistened like a smoke signal, without a glow. When, what to PT’s wandering eyes should appear but a Ferrari ENZO followed by an armada of Prancing Horses in tow.

 

The ENZO was piloted by an ex-Formula 1 driver, still brutally quick.
That Tracy knew in an instant it must be Michael Schumacher.

More rapid than a grid full of Bridgestone alternate “soft rubber tyre’ Formula 1 chassis in “Qualie Two” light fuel tanks mode. The seven times World Champion whistled and jeered, and called them by name;

 

Now, Mika now, Coulthard! Now, Rubinoe and Ralfanso!

On, Heinz-Harald! On Villeneuve! On Damion and Irvine!

 

To the front of the grid! To the head of the pack.

Now burn rubber, burn rubber baby, burn rubber quick!

 

As tyre tracks that leave ominous black streaks behind. While Herr Schumacher leaves another competitor further behind!

 

So up to the roof-top the Prancing Horses flew. With trunk loads of presents and Schuey too. And then, came a banshee wail of the ENZO, high atop the roof.

 

The revving and idling of each assorted Ferrari. As PT rubbed his hands. Down the chimney Schuey forlornly came. He was dressed all in Scuderia Red, from his head to his foot.

And his Nomex driver’s suit was all tarnished with ashes and soot.

 
an assortment of winning trophies, he’d stuffed into his back pack.

 

His eyes -- how they twinkled! His rosy cheeks, how they glowed.

His hair as always was perfect, (by Loreal…)

 

his jaw like a chisel! His lips clenched in a mischievous smirk. As the smile was reminiscent of a Cheshire cat.

 

The remains of a Cuban cigar hung limply from his teeth. As clouds of Smoke encircled Schuey's head like a wreath.

He had a taunt face and washboard abs. that still showed his youthful physique when he laughed at the dumbfounded PT. He was strong and fit as an ox, a festive and jolly elf.

 

Thus Paul could only laugh when he appeared

 

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head. Soon gave TRACY nothing to fear. As Schuey spoke nary a word, but went straight to his work. Filling all of the stockings with various racing trinkets. Such as the 2002 Borg Warner Cup, a new three year contract signed by P.L. Newman & Carl Haas along with some of the Hamburgular’s secret winning sauce…

 

Before Messer Chrome Horn could wipe away his astonishment, the famous German turned Quickly, laying his finger aside of his nose. And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.

 

He sprang to his idling ENZO, and to his waiting minions gave a whistle. And the screeching of tortured Ferrari lumps could be heard as they burst away like rocket ships! But ‘Ol PT heard Schumacher exclaim, as he power-slided out of sight,


"Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good-night."

 

Merry Kringle Y'all!

Tomaso

 

(Originally written by Tomaso – December, 2007; last modified on 12/2/23) 

Monday, December 23, 2024

Happy Holley 4-barrel Holidazes, Y'all!

Groan, he's at it again. In what’s now become a yearly tradition here on No Fenders. Where your Humble Scribe Tomaso tortures Y’all with his witty repartee of his version of poetry  from a much overused theme, Hya!

 

As Merry Festimus' Y'all, from Ye Mystical Isle 'O Nofendersville, a Happy, Joyous, Contented piece 'O Wind Swept Barren Rock, Somewheres' on thou Oregonian Coast between Winchester Bay and Cape Perpetua, R-R-R' Mateys!

 

Although it's another somewhat Blue, Blue Christmas, since unfortunately that Fine Kuhnaidiun' Lass Claire's No longer with us. Not to mention Ye Rhythm Professor, thou one ‘N only Neil Peart, Gil de feran or Sadly Pixie the Wonderdog, Wuf Wuf!

 

Betcha thought I was gonna Roll with 'Ol Elvis's Blue-Blue-Blue platter, Eh? But Claire would want something a 'lil more up-tempo like I Dunno, a ‘lil Ditty from Ye Muppets Me Thinks!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tk9wuADoxA

 

As  Y’all can See ‘N Hear Claire’s unique Zest for life on one of her past videos. As Claire also went by the “Handle” Panda, and I can only “guess” HaHaHa where her inspiration for this funny video came from…

 

httpss://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdMfGGJl9po

 

As may be it’s ye Eggnog? But I always think of my favourite Two Hosers this time ‘O year, Fa la la la la lah…

 

NO! Not thee Mayor 'O Hinchtown and thou Young Wicky! (Robert Wickens) Nor Scott "What Pace Car?" Goodyear & Jockess V, nee Jack Vanilla, aka Jacques Villeneuve. Nye Pat "The Carpenter" (Carpentier) Nor TAG', nee Alex Tagliani. Or our two Newest Hosers Dalton Kellett or Sparky’, nee Devlin DeFrancesco, but I digress…

 

Nope instead, typically this time 'O year, those loveable KuhNucks Bob & Doug always come to mind, along with thar signature version of a certain Christmas song! And ah One, and Ah two Ladies ‘N Germs…

 

On the First Day 'O Carmania, 'Ol Carroll Shelby Growled loudly at Me;

Son, Thar better be Juan 'O my Darn Blasted Contraptions in your Pitiful Song!

 

On the Twelfth Day 'O Carmania, ‘Ol Tomaso  crooned Gleefully…

 

12 Long's Doughnuts

11 X Rows of Shiny Dallara's

10Speeding Ferrari's

Nine BOSS Mustangs

eight 'lil E No. 88 Diecast's

Seven Bars 'O Geddy Lee

 

Like Where’s My Thing Geddy? Hit it! And Ah-One and Ah-Two…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOj0eO3zCbc

 

Six Carling Black Labels'

Five Aston Martin DB5's'

four Borg Warner Trophies

three Diamantina Cocktails'

Two Saleen Mustangs

And a Bad Arse 289 FIA Shelby Cobra underneath thou Tree!

 

As this witty repartee from Thy Isle 'O Nofendersville was inspired by Bob & Doug McKenzie, for which they'd definitely say Take Off Eh! As this "Song's" Definitely Done, and that Labatts too Hoser!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DTwLqR071M

 

And to All who continue reading thy No fenders Blog, A Huge shout Out and Thanks!

 

Along with Everybody who Assists me over thoust Gory Year, i.e.; Blogmeister Miguel, Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen, the Florentine Goat Lady’ Julie, Snowbyrd’ MJ, Randal thy Moniker King, Carpets’, Artiste Dave and whomever I left Out…

 

As ‘Ol Lawrence Welk would say Ah One, and Ah Two and Ah Very good Night! Felice Navidad and Merry Kringle! Since after all, It is the most wonderful, BARF! Oh put a Sock in It Andy Williams, Hya!

 

See Y'all early Nex Year, when “I Shall return” in earnest on January 6, 2025.

 

As hard to believe it’s just a smidge under 33 days until the Rolex 24 begins, Vroom-vroom; 32-days from now!

 

Arrivederci

Tomaso

 

Picture Credit:

Now that Chrysler’s Killed their Awesome Dodge V-8 Hellcat Charger and SRT “Redeye” Challengers, BOO! Hopefully Santa will still be able to find replacement parts from Mopar for His Bitchin’ Sled, Ho-Ho-Ho!


(Image source: caranddriver.com)