Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Niki Lauda crosses Finish line at Age 70



And another chapter of McLaren International closes...

Know Thars' absolutely No Co-Inky-dense', but for some strange reason, when I heard the news late Monday night that Niki Lauda had taken his last breath. And on the heels of Fernando Alonso failing to qualify at Indianapolis. Weirdly I heard the soundtrack to Maxwell Smart's opening theme when the Doors Slam Shut behind him...

As many racing Fans will know of Niki "the Rat" Lauda's life in Formula 1 from that brilliant 'lil Ronnie Howard 2013 movie simply titled RUSH. Recounting the epic Duel for the 1976 F1 World Championship vs. James Hunt.


Whilst Lauda would ultimately claim the Formula 1 World Championship three times, twice for Ferrari in 1975 & 1977, and then winning by a scant half-point over rival McLaren team-mate "The Professor," aka Alain Prost in '84.

Yet Niki was also a Businessman who started at least two Airlines in-between his motor racing stints, before having Lung transplant surgery last year. Certainly a bi-product of his Horrendous, near Fatal Fiery Crash at the Nurburgring in the summer of '76...

As I'll let F1 Grizzled Journo' Joe Saward do the Heavy lifting recapping Niki's accomplishments...

Monday, May 20, 2019

INDY 500: DRAGONSLAYERS!



Guaranteed Fat Catz' Starting Grid spots or Guaranteed Gut Wrenching Drama... What's it gonna be Hulman & Co?

Funny how I found Thyself almost going ADHD with Thy Telie' turned onto Thee Peacock', nee NBC in the Living Room, Zed Internetz' tuned-into 1070 The Fan in thou Office playing in the background whilst "My Gal" Lucy', my ARSE-Steamed Screen Reader read me two Live Blogs from Mother Speedway I kept refreshing constantly!

All-the-while marching back 'n forth from room to room for Four and One-half Hours. Trying insanely to discover the most current, up to thoust moment information on whether or not Thee Weather, nee Mother Nature was gonna cooperate 'N let us have our Bump Day, Uhm LCQ'; Err Last Row Shootout and Top-9 Pole Shootout commence Sunday?

And although I'm happy for "Symone," nee Pageantry', aka Simon Pagenaud capturing the Biggest IndyCar Pole of his career... Pagenaud's accomplishment totally Paled in Comparison to Juncos Racing and Kyle Kiser's epic Slaying of McLaren Racing and the Oh, So smooth Operator Fredrico Suave', aka Fred Alonso!

As I had four sets 'o fingers crossed, chanting Kyle-Kyle-Kyle! Before the 23yr old Californian even began his warm-up lap, as I simply did Not wish to see Fernando Alonso make his way into Thee Show!

Even more so after the Talkin' Headz' NBC Sports Network Booth Boyz reported that McLaren had received a Set-up Sheet from Team Penske and acquired a Dampers' package, what us Yanks' call Shocks from Andretti Applied Technology.

As this totally became a clear case of the Upper Crust, Pardon Mwah Gray Poupon Chauffer's, Butler's and Nannies Elitists vs. the tiny One Man David 'O Juncos Racing...

Which for Mwah, and hopefully more important thou Powers to Be, aka Starship HC', nee Hulman & Company. Do you really wish to lose this intangible commodity, the buzz of the unexpected Upset at 16th & Georgetown just so the Fat Catz' can keep Thar Gentlemen's club intact?

Or are Yuhs gonna stick to the time Honoured 110-years tradition of the Fastest 33 Cars Start the Race instead?

Which is Game Over for Me! Especially if you have the might & resources of a McLaren and are Beaten Fairly by a Minnow who's built a Better Mousetrap, Uhm, Out-engineered and Out-performed Yuhs, then they Deserve to be in the Race! Especially when You make five qualifying attempts in one day vs. their limited attempts.

As Congratulations to Ricardo Juncos, Kyle Kiser and Everybody else at Juncos Racing who made me euphorically SCREAM Exaltations at thou TV Screen for making the Indianapolis 500! You totally Deserve it!

As I totally LUV' the quote in Marshall Pruett's Racer.com story 'bout how Ricardo Juncos sent everybody home after working 42 Hours Straight to get some Sleep, since he knew they were gonna start making Mistakes.

along with reporting how DragonSpeed needed to hire new personnel after experiencing Visa issues, and Hired Veteran Engineer John dick, who I recall previously worked with Buddy Lazier. As Don't forget DragonSpeed's, and Clauson-Marshall Racing's impressive Feats of Qualifying for Thee GURR-Reatest' Race whilst McLaren goes Home...

Saturday, May 18, 2019

INDY 500: A Freaks' Flashback Interview with Tony Kanaan



As Surely 'Ol TK' Follow your Schnoz! Kanaan wistfully Opines for better Days at 'Ol superTex's, a la  his 2013 victory at Mother Speedway...

Although typically, sometime in Thee Month 'O May, The Speed Freaks have a Chin Wag' with 'Ol Uncle bobby, aka triple Indy 500 winner Bobby Unser, I've chosen a different Interviewee this time, in Hopes of bringing Tony Kanaan some much needed No Fenders MoJo', since Blimey! TK' and the Foyt Gang certainly need some!

Although I'm not expecting Kanaan to be Drinking Milk in Victory Lane this May, Yuhs can never count out the Wily Brazilian at the Speedway, El Correctomundo!

Friday, May 17, 2019

INDY 500: Who'll be Fast on Fast Friday?




James Hinchcliffe's SPM racecar coming out of the Tech line on Bump Day, 2018. Guess they should have left it in there, Eh! (The Tomaso Collection)

And does it really matter? Especially since speeds will be artificially "Pumped U-P!" For higher mph figures due to increased Boost pressure...

Y'all know the Drill here on thoust Isle 'O Nofendersville Mateys! As where has Thee last three-plus weeks gone? When originally I'd had no desires to listen to the IMS Open Test Day action. But apparently thou pull 'O Mother Speedway's "Tractor Beam" was simply too strong for Mwah?

Especially when I discovered that one of my favourite voices that I N-O longer get to listen to via Zed Internetz', Thanxs solely to Starship HC's overly greedy Capitalistic ways! Led by Hulman & Co's No. 1 Puffed Shirt Mark Miles! And the nepotism of erecting a 404 Access Denied Error Code Gold Bricks Paywall; But I Digress!


As I'm totally a Fan of Thee Viking! Aka Anders Krohn, whom apparently now is only heard on Sunday Races via the IMS Radio Network, since NBC Sports has "Locked Out" their participation during Friday's and Saturday's; Tisk-Tisk, what a Shame!


As Kevin Lee presided as the lead Booth Announcer, which is fine for these One Off Internet Broadcasts, since he's definitely NO Leigh Diffey! With Anders Krohn alongside, before they were joined by Robin Miller. Whilst Katie Hargitt  tried keeping Dry while patrolling the Pitlane.

As think they were Killing some more Time during the 4hrs Rain Delay? For which 'Ol r', aka Robin Miller Collegiately said Boys, Who Do You Think Won't Make the Show? Or was it Sportscaster Kevin Lee? As I know Kevin said it's what they like to do... Speculate over who will and won't make Thee Show during the Month 'O May, even if it hasn't Officially begun.

Thus  Kevin Lee's Top 3 Non Qualifiers were
Clauson-Marshall Racing, (CMR) DragonSpeed & Juncos Racing.

For which Miller said look, I like Tim Clauson, but they're a Brand New team and they just Don't have the experience, or budget? To make the race.

Yet I slightly Disagree with Kevin, whom seems like he's reading from a Cue Card from time-to-time. As I'll agree with his first two assessments, i.e.; CMR and DragonSpeed, since they're both Brand New entities, with Dragon Speed having never contested an Oval race before.

But I Disagree over Juncos, provided Kyle Kiser's behind the Keyboard, since he hadn't been confirmed when I began scribblin' this...

Since Kiser's shown previously he knows how to win on Ovals during his Indy Lights Days, not to mention having raced in multiple Freedom 100's. Along with last year's Indianapolis 500, where he qualified 17th. .

Nope, instead, I'll speculate that Indy 500 Rookie Jordan King in Team RLLR's third mount, for which I hadn't heard a Car number disclosed until May 2nd, when having "My Gal" Lucy', my ARSE-STEAMED Screen Reader read me the News via Racer that the Official Entry list had been announced May 1st.

As King's third RLLR entry will sport the #42, with the Englishman, like fellow countryman Ben Hanley, one of this year's seven Indianapolis 500 Rookies will be the third casualty 'O Boomp Day 2019, The Sequel.

As those were my 3 Picks Failing to Qualify this year immediately following the Open Test Wayback on April 24th, prior to Official Indy 500 Practice, albeit with NO Disrespect towards any of the Drivers above, or those trying to make Thee Show!

Panning for Gold...
Regardless of what some are saying out Thar in Thee Blogosphere', I find it simply Atrocious that IndyCar, and most notably Hulman & Co. would be so Greedy and Deny Fans access to Fast Friday practice, all in vain to Discover a few ounces 'O Gold Dust...

Seriously? when Indy Cars needs every single Fan it can muster, to Deny Access to the IMS Radio Network is simply Despicable! As surely there's a way to let us, especially those of us who are Blind! To be able to listen to the Day's Activity Trackside via easily accessible methods...

And I'm tired of being told to Shut Up over this, as it wasn't FREE, contrary to popular belief. Since I'm fairly certain we used to get to listen to Firestone advertisements, Righto? Not to mention the "Mining" of our personal Data...

But hey Never Fear IndyCar. I Don't have to bother trying to follow your sport any more, which certainly helps entice sponsors?

As this will be the first year I Don't get to listen to Fast Friday via Zed Internetz', and get Pumped U-P over Pole Day; err Qualifying. Y'all know, when NBC will grace us with one whole hour's TV coverage on Saturday; SPEW!

As is it just Mwah? Or is NBC Sports really Desperate for some Suckers to Sign-up for their Gold Pass by discounting $15 - trying to Eak out some profits before the season's over? Which Hopefully implies people aren't willing to be sucked into paying more for Sports...

Photo c/o No Fenders ‘Offical Photographer CARPETS')