The “Un-Golden Locked Down” Golden Tailpipe Awards: 2020 Streamliner edition

Or may be they should be Brown, Black ‘N blue or Bronze instead?  And Nah, No What Can Brown do for You Jokes Here, Hya!

 

Otay Race Fans, Sorry for the Delay, and may be Nobody Cares, Eh? But thought I’d finally release this vintage Yarn that’s been trapped in thoust Cellars on Ye Isle ‘O Nofendersville awhile Mateys’, which Y’all can compare ‘N contrast vs. Thy 2019 No Fenders vintage in the link below.

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2019/12/golden-tailpipe-awards-2019-streamliner.html

 

As Here goes Nothin', with another Bevy 'O totally Un-Scientific, Sentimentally Biased selections made below.

 

Although I must confess that I’d only come up with a few names before the Google Doomsday Machine made the Wide World ‘O E-E-E lectrics’ a total Nightmare for Mwah, Thanks Blooger! Not to mention being in COVID 19 Lockdown forever. Running Thy Trusty ‘Ol winDOUGHS 7 Puter’ for a further eight months before finally Arse-simulating to thoust Wacky World ‘O winDOUGHS 10 and a Bevy of Putrid, Crappy updated cough cough! Zoomtext 2020/Zoomtext Fusion 2021 Screen Readers, ACK!

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2020/11/no-fenders-remains-stuck-in-limbo.html

 

CATEGORIES

1. Driver of Year

Winner: Takuma Sato

Yeah I know, this one might be a Head Scratcher for Y’all? And I Luv’ed For The Love of Indy’s Raymond Hando’s Quip about “Mailing It In!” Although that was for the previous Holiday…

 

But this is my blog After All and “I’m the Decider!” And Yes, I’m making the choice off of one lousy ‘lil Oval race. Especially since it was at the first ever Empty Mother Speedway. But I just loved the fact that even though Scotty Ye iceman 2.0’ Dixon was the Odds On Favourite and led two-thirds or more of the race, Takuma Sato Never Gave Up and won his second Borg Warner trophy after starting from third, which I think is his career best Indy 500 start?

 

Other Choices

The Usual Suspects, i.e.; Scott Dixon, Lewis Hamilton, Josef Newgarden, Max Verstappen Blah Blah Blah…

 

2. Story of Year

Winner: Bahrain Grand Prix “Great Balls ‘O Fire!”

Don’t even think I need try explaining this El Correctomundo! As we All know about that most Horrifying Shunt Romain Grosjean endured in Bahrain! When his Haas F1 car Speared the Armco Barrier, Split it in Two, Caught On Fire in an Mega’ Crash and then being Trapped in the ensuing fireball for nearly 30 Freakin’ seconds! For which All I can say is Thankfully Romain Dug into his Inner reserves, Extricated Himself and miraculously Walked Away!

 

Other Choices

Although in a totally different vain, as Sinead O’Connor  sings fabulously on her Biggest Hit Song, Nothing Compares to You, Romain!

 

3. Race of Year

Winner: Petit Le Mans

Another typical IMSA Donnybrook event. As there were multiple collisions and mechanical maladies with the different Class leaders. Like Dane Cameron aboard the #6 Team Penske/Acura colliding with the #77 Mazda of Oliver Jarvis, Not Clark who John Hindhaugh always calls him. Or the Masterclass passes put on at the daunting Downhill 135-140mph corner, which Alexander Rossi did aboard the Penske Acura DPi!

 

Whilst it’s always somewhat amazing how an IMSA 10 hour race can go down to the last 10mins and the two leading Daytona Prototypes collide, with Ricky Taylor trying to overtake Pico Deranti, causing them to both spin off track with Deranti’s #31 Whelen Engineering Cadillac getting the worst of it!

 

As Renger Van der Zande following the duo in the Wayne Taylor Racing Cadillac Zoom-Zoomed thru the carnage, barely avoiding Ricky Taylor’s Team Penske Acura’s Bowling Ball to win the race which finished under a Full course Yellow Flag; Uhm, Just Sayin’ IndyCar!

 

Other Choices

Sure Thars Ah-Plenty’, including the Usual suspects, i.e.; Indy 500, etc. But I cannot remember anymore…

 

4. Sportsperson of Year

Winner: Gracie Trotter

Typically I’d say that Erica Enders-Stevens, a Four-times NHRA Pro Stock Champion who Doesn’t get even close to the Attenzione She rightly Deserves! Could be my yearly “Penciled-in” choice. Yet this year I went with a totally unknown Femme Fatale Driver I’d never heard of before her interview on Speed Freaks. As the 19 year old Teenager Gracie Trotter in only her eighth ARCA Stock Car start made History by becoming the first Female winner in ARCA and Stock Car History!

 

https://www.speedfreaks.tv/gracie-trotter-on-gender-racing-best-in-the-west-whataburger/

 

Other Choices

Erica Enders-Stevens, Britany force and All the Other NHRA le Femmes…

 

5. Flatliner' of year

Winner: Ron Caps

As my original scribbled note says it All: Gator Nationals "Spin 'N Win", which I believe Ronald C. Capps, now a Two-times NHRA Funny Car champion said it was a real ‘Ol School Pedal-fest! For which once again, if the link below works? I’ll let The Freaks do the Heavy lifting instead…

 

https://www.speedfreaks.tv/ron-capps-on-blowing-up-real-good-older-wiser/

 

Other Choices

Antron Brown and J.R. Todd are Always Favourites of Mine!

For the Conclusion of this riveting Golden Tailpipe  Awards Categories 6-9, i.e.; Rider of Year, Sports Car Drivers of Year, Freak of Year and Quip of Year, Please visit the following No Fenders link below…

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2021/12/the-un-golden-locked-down-golden.html

F1: Knights in White Satin, or Spy v Spy?

As why did the Obi One Kunobi Jedi Knights GP feel like a never ending rerun of those classic Mad magazine Spy v Spy comic strips…

 

First and foremost, I really am Not a Fan of either current Formula 1 Drivers World Champion protagonists Maximus Hothead’ v Golden child’, listing them in current Championship standing  order, since Max Verstappen leads with nine wins vs. Lewis Hamilton’s eight, even though they’re now tied on points with 369.5 apiece.

 

Really do Not even know how to put into words what has to be the most bizarre Formula 1 race I’ve ever “Watched,” Err listened to in my 35 years of following Formula 1! And couldn’t help but agree with Martin Billybob’ Brundle’s assessment about are we Making Up the Rules as we go along?

 

Since for Mwah, my Brilliant summation of Sir Lewis v Mad Maxx’ was obviously they’d both been Naughty since they’d been summoned to the Principal’s Office following that Donnybrook, Uhm Knife fight of a Grand Prix!

 

And I’ve still got Sky sports F1 Pit Reporter Theodore, Not Lenny Krabbitz’s “Knights in White Satin,” Uhm Arabian Nights song he theatrically Crooned from Pitlane during the opening segment of Friday’s (Free practice) FP2 session stuck in my Head! Hmm? What’s that ‘Ol Moody blues Hit Classic Nights in White Satin’s chorus about “letters Are written Never meaning to send…”

 

As I’ve never, ever, ever Heard live on the TV Broadcast as Messer Krabbitz said about FIA Race Director Michael Masi playing Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? Will you take the $64k or what’s behind the Curtain? When asking Red Bull’s Jonathan Wheatley if Red Bull was willing to give back the lead and Slot in P3 behind Hamilton or have him let the FIA Race Stewards review Verstappen’s Argy-Bargy Overtake, Say What?

 

To which Wheatley calmly said we’ll take P3 as long as Esteban Ocon’s in First! For which I began Rootin’ for Ocon to do the Unthinkable and thought it’d be Hilarious if Ocon won Ahead of Hamilton and Verstappen or visa-versa…

 

As I came up with a new nickname for Golden child following the race whilst basically Shell shocked! Like I mean I was simply Dumbfounded, perplexed and Stupefied! And All I could do while sitting thru the Post-race Post Op, was say “Mr. Bubbles, Mr. Bubble’s, Mr. Bubbles!”Since Sir Lewis is just Oh, so Squeaky clean, aren’t you “Mr. Bubbles?” Which for reasons unknown morphed quickly into Mr. bubbles being sung in a somewhat Haunting tone that recalled Ozzy Osbourne’s Mr. Crowley Heavy Metal Rock song for Mwah. For which the song’s opening Organ intro is so Apropos for this race!

 

Mr. Bubbles, What’s got into Your Head?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0RE230PlX4

 

And you’d definitely have to say that Sir Lewis is definitely a Bit of A Magician whose Driving reminds me of one of Uncle bernaughty’s Alter Ego nicknames, the “Teflon Man!” And No, I’m Not trying to choose, pick or suggest which of the two Roman chariot Drivers at Jeddah was in the “Right.” Since Absolutely Both Lewis and Maximilian ’ were both driving very Cheeky Sunday!

 

As I still cannot wrap my Head around that most Bizarre incident on the straightaway where Verstappen dually complied with team orders to Slow Down and give the lead position back to Hamilton, who in turn himself Slowed Down before colliding into the rear of Verstappen’s car, Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot! As neither driver wanted to be a Sitting Duck behind the other since the DRS Detection Zone was fast approaching…

 

And just how many G-DAMN Times does Max have to give the lead back to Lewis? As I thought Verstappen’s cleverness of slowing down, giving Ham Ham, Err Mr. Bubbles the position back before Blitzing past him thanks to his DRS being enabled was brilliant! And to the “letter” of the law. But the Race Director said No No No Max, you need to do Better than that! Now go write on the Blackboard I will Not Pass Lewis 50 More times!

 

As I find it Funny Ha Ha? Kind of Strange when I hear the “Professionals” muttering things I’ve previously said. Having told Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen following the Brazilian Broo Ha Ha Dustup that I find that Verstappen drives like Der Terminator’, nee Michael Schumacher did! To which one of the Sky Sports Talking Heads echoed those same words during the Post-race Debrief alongside Damon Hill who knows a thing or two about that! With Hill saying Hamilton’s not intimidated by Max, just weary of him…

 

Or how I told Claudio’ following Sunday’s race that it probably would have been a completely different race if previous FIA Race Director Charlie Whiting had been in control instead of Michael Masi. Which apparently Thee Piped Piper of Red Bul, nee Chris Horner’s echoed something similar, albeit I haven’t “Read,” Err listen to the article yet.

 

Meanwhile, Nary a Peep about Hamilton Colliding with Ocon on one of the race restarts or Sir Lewis Driving “Dirty” Himself, doing his own “Irv the  Swerve” impression! Being warned by the Race Director for Driving Max Deep into the corner and forcing him Off-track, or when passing in Double Wave yellow Flags, Oh Never Mind! I could go On and On, but then Y’all would think I’m taking sides, Righto?

 

As the totally sanguine Herr Wolff during the Post-race Debrief and Hamilton’s subdued, Flat Monotone responses were All I needed to Hear to know who’d won the race…

 

And although I’m Not comparing the two, i.e.; Max Verstappen. I cannot help but think of IndyCar’s Alexander Rossi once famously Quipping to reporters: “I’m Not here to Make Friends!” Regarding his Hard Driving style!

 

And stealing the Speed Freaks Crash Gladys’s comment.

 

“Three Restarts

Two Red flags

And A Ton ‘O Virtual Safety Cars…”

 

Fa la la la la la! 

RETRO: Rolex’s, Richard Mille’s, Pardon Mwah, Do You Have the Time?

As once again, your Humble Scribe Tomaso’s Stumbled Down another Wabbit Hole, and what’s that ‘Ol Chicago song ‘bout Does Anybody Really Care What Time It Is? Does It really matter?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FzCWLOHUes

 

Yeah, I know it happened over a Gory month ago, or is it two now? But it took me that long to put it All together Folks! Even though I typed the name Richard Mille Racing last year, I just finally made the connection between it and Lando Norris’s Miss-adventures at this year’s euro 2020 Finals at Bloody Wembley Stadium…

 

Y’all remember when the 21yr old Briton had his custom Richard Mille wristwatch stolen off him when trying to leave the stadium after England’s defeat to Italy. Reportedly when getting into his McLaren Supercar in the Stadium’s parking lot!

 

And although it’s not as Gory expensive as I first Arse-sumed it was, nevertheless I still wonder what a 21yr old’s doing with a 40,000 pounds timepiece on his wrist? Which I suppose is the perks of being a McLaren F1 Driver, not to mention driving a Company Car, Righto?

 

As the watch in question worth some $55,000+ Greenbacks’ (U.S. Dollars) at the time of it’s forceable removal from said owner is rumoured to be an RM 67-02 custom 1 of 33 Richard Mille timepieces exclusively made in the teams colours of papaya orange and blue.

 

And what is it about Formula 1 drivers and Thar desires for Bloody expensive wristwatches? Since I tend to recall having previously scribbled’ a story about the late Jules Bianchi having his custom watch taken from him in France…

 

Lally’s Timepieces…

Yep, this No Fenders story is way Outta’ time, especially  since I keep forgetting to wind It’s Hands. But what better time to finally post it, since I’ve Oh, So cleverly managed to place it back onto thoust No Fenders Sun Dial, Hya!

 

As it’s been ah-Naggin’ at me ever since February, when I discovered I’d made another foopah, and thus a la Der Heindenmeir’, nee John Hindhaugh said on occasion during this year’s now presumably long forgotten 24 Hours of Daytona’s race Radio Broadcast, “A Bit ‘O Housekeeping” is sorely in order.

 

Having once again tried putting together another No Fenders story too fast, whilst Ye Bloody Knucels’ got in thoust Gory way! Or was it from not fastening thou Rolex’s Wristband securely, Hya! When I mistakenly noted how many Rolex wristwatches Andy Lally had accumulated from his various wins at Daytona International Speedway.

 

Since everywhere I looked upon Ye Intrawoods’, aka Internet claims that although Andy Lally was indeed the current winningest driver in this year’s Rolex 24, he only had five Class victories beginning twenty years ago in then Grand Am’s SRPII (P2) category aboard a Lola B2K/40 Nissan V-6 Prototype. Andy then took another three GT Class victories in 2009, 2011-12, all aboard Porsche 911’s. Before claiming his latest Class Honours in 2016 behind the wheel of an Audi R8 LMS in the GTD category.

 

Thus five class wins plus three Grand Am Champions Rolex time pieces would only equate to the eight Messer Lally casually mentioned during his latest Speed Freaks interview, which hopefully I’m managed to find the same interview I heard when listening to them several months  ago in the following link, since Thar website is totally 100% Non Screen reader Friendly, Sigh!

 

https://www.speedfreaks.tv/tag/rolex-watches/

 

Scooter’s Rolex Collection

Meanwhile, and Nah, originally I wasn’t gonna do any Corny Stephen Colbert QuarantineWhile’ Jokes here, But! Seems like we’re headed back that way, Eh? Oh Never Mind, Tick tock!

 

So I know I’ve also scribbled somewheres’ in thoust Voluminous No fenders Archives about Scotty  Scooter’ Pruett casually discussing his Rolex 24 Winners timepiece collection with the Freaks, but of course cannot find it.

 

Actually, I found the link I was looking for in another No Fenders story title Scooter returns to Daytona, which isn’t with The Freaks, but Pruett’s been on Thar Show countless times over the years

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2019/01/scooter-returns-to-daytona.html

 

But Guess What? Rightly so, Pruett has more coveted Rolex 24 Winners Rolex 24 watches than Lally does! As Pruett has a Mega twelve at minimum, since he cleverly got Rolex to “gift” him one for his 1992 Class victory aboard a Jaguar XJR-12 finishing Runner-up Overall, (1^st in GTP) when Rolex’s were only awarded to Overall Winners And that doesn’t even include his apparent 10 Class victories!.

 

Naturally I cannot discern when Rolex began giving out Thar coveted Daytona models to All 24 Hours of Daytona Class Winners, since Pruett didn’t receive his first “proper” Rolex winner’s timepiece until 1994.

 

But we know this change occurred sometime between 1994 and 2001, since Lally received his first Daytona watch in 2001. So I’m Arse-suming it began in 2000, when the inaugural Grand American Road Racing Championship (Grand Am) was held opposite the American Le Mans Series Championship which claimed the 12 Hours of Sebring as it’s series Marquee event.

 

Scott is tied with Hurley Hayood for most Overall Rolex 24 wins at five apiece. Plus Scooter’s amassed a further six Rolex watches for winning a Mega six Grand Am Championship titles. And then unbeknownst to Mwah, he received a twelfth Rolex for being the race’s 2019 Grand Marshal, not to shabby, Eh?

 

As Y’all may enjoy the accompanying Motor Trend article I found when trying to solve my Tick Tick Tick, Ah-Wonderin’ how many Rolex watches Scott Pruett has, who’s an avid collector of the iconic brand who once again showed off part of his Rolex 24 watch collection at Daytona then…

 

https://www.motortrend.com/features/24-hours-of-daytona-scott-pruett-rolex-watch-collection/ 

The Dinger’ Pulls Off Mega’ Upset at Indy

As A.J. Allmendinger Wins at The Speedway!

 

Having a late lunch, I decided to Tune In to Big NBC to See’, Err Hear who’d won the inaugural Brickyard NASCAR Race on Mother Speedway’s infield Road Course when the race should have been over…

 

Turning on thy Telie’ without any clue of what had happened, albeit was I really surprised Thar had been some major Mayhem since rubbin’s Racin’, el Correctomundo? But I’d missed “The Big One” and didn’t know what the Talking Headz’ were droning on ‘N on about. Just mentioning how we’d eventually be going to OT for a Green Wite 2-lap Shootout whenever racing resumed, Yeehaw!

 

And I’d only tuned into the start of the prior day’s RASSCAR cup Lite event since Ye Dinger’, nee A.J. Allmendinger, who’s less than flattering nickname once was Walldinger! Was competing, since I’m a Huge Fan of his! Yet I turned off the TV in disgust after Allmendinger had somehow inexplicably missed two turns at the beginning of Saturday’s race and fallen down the order. But it would have been fun hearing Team Penske’s Austin Cindric singing Back Home Again during his victory cooldown lap!

 

Thus finally going back to Green Sunday in what was called the Verizon 200 at The Brickyard, A.J. was starting seventh, and one of the two Driver Analysts, i.e.; ‘lil Ironhead, nee Junior’, aka Dale Earnhardt, Jr. and Jeff Burton, for which I think it was burton who said Don’t rule out Allmendinger, he’s got fresh tyres…

 

Green-Green-Green and Thar three, four or is it five wide into Turn 1? As A.J. quickly leapt to third before carnage ensued behind when Michael McDowell went Airborne after hittin what was left of the Turn 5-6 complex’s Kerbs’, which were intended to keep racecars Ontrack and Not Shortcutting the circuit! But apparently Dem’ Heavy ‘Ol Taxicab bombers had been Hitting ‘em Hard All race long and Done Torn ‘em Up! With another Red Flag being thrown to clean up the Mess. As it wasn’t until way after the race I learned that the Stock Cars had made the Kerbs Explode!

 

So now I was sittin’ on the couch with fingers crossed Chanting C’mon Allmendinger! Before all Hell broke loose again, with leader Denny Hamlin getting punted by rookie Chase Briscoe and as A.J. later commented, the Seas simply Parted and he knew he just had to Check Out and not let the pack catch him, as Allmendinger would only lead the final two laps to claim one of his biggest wins, having won the 2012 24 Hours of Daytona with Justin B-I-G Unit’ Wilson for Mike Shank.

 

And may be I’m easily swayed these days, but I just couldn’t get over thinking how Classy of a guy Allmendinger is. Since after his Mega’ celebratory Doughnuts Burnout, in Victory lane A.J. said This One’s for You Robin Miller, We Love You Man! Keep Fighting, and for the late bob Jenkins!

 

Along with Shouting Oh My gawe, I just Won at Indy! Shank I wanted to be like You! Referring to his “Good Buddy” Mike Shank Winning the Indianapolis 500!

 

As Crash Gladys of Speed Freaks noted Sunday Night, two former Team Penske Drivers had won at El Capitano’s (Roger Penske) racetrack! Hulio the Indy 500 and Allmendinger the “Brickyard 200” this year…

 

A.J. also told the Freaks he Didn’t want to point any fingers at anybody, but said in the Cup Lite Cars they’ve got a minimum ride height limit, whereas Cup Cars are Slammed to the ground! And it’s your job as a Driver to know where the Kerbs’ are and what they’ll do to your underside if you Hit ‘em! As A.J. said he tried to always not use very much of the Curbing in the Cup Car…

 

Allmendinger seemed truly Humbled to be in victory lane at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, having just etched his name in the History Books as the inaugural winner of the Brickyard 200 on the IMS Road Course.

 

Afterwards, Kyle Petty asked him what were you saying to Roger Penske? I was just telling him how Mad I was for losing to him yesterday, as I never got a good shot at winning the Xfinity race. But I’d say winning the Brickyard 200, only his second ever NASCAR Cup victory had to be miles and miles more Sweeter!

 

Since like Crash said, What Seatbelt? Referring to his leading the Indy 500 in 2013 for Team Penske before he had to Pit due to his Seatbelts Unbuckling, to which A.J. replied; You just don’t know was that your one shot at victory there? Or was it yesterday when I really felt like we had the car to beat in the Cup Lite race? As you just never know when you’ve used up your chances…

 

As how Cool is this? I’m sitting in the IMS Infield in my Motorhome and Doug bowles rolls up in a Corvette to give me my ring, and I’m just sittin’ here with a Brickyard Winners ring on my finger!  

 

Whilst I’ll guess that Almost Everybody’s Forgotten about the Nashville IndyCar race after the NASCAR Monster Cup Debacle at Mother Speedway, Righto? As Monster’s definitely the perfect title sponsor, Yeehaw, Wham, Smash! 

Thinking of Robin Miller

As others in Ye Blogosphere have written previously, whether you love Him or Hate him, ‘Ol R’, Ye Curmudgeon of IndyCar’s, aka Robin Miller has been a constant voice, be it on Television, in thou Ether’, either in Interviews with such Folks as “The (Speed) Freaks,” Radio with such luminaries as JMV’ (John Michael Vincent) or via his weekly contributions on Racer.com. Robin Always knows what’s the latest going on in IndyCar and usually Breaks many News stories first, and is typically right when he throws something at us we’re not thinking of…

 

Cannot say when I truly became a Fan of his, albeit at the very latest when I had the pleasure of being introduced to him in the IMS Media Center Wayback in 2009. Although I knew of him previously, having followed him weekly since at least ’06 when I began this No Fenders Blog, which he even granted me an Interview for.

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2009/01/miller-time-interview-with-robin-miller.html

 

Having always enjoyed Miller during his SPEED TV Days , and looking forward to his participation on Ye ‘Ol Windbag’ Dave Despain’s Wind Tunnel TV Show, or The Speed report with Bob Varsha. While I can still recall him hosting the Reunification Press Conference on Speed when Champ Car and the Indy Racing League announced their Mergification in February, 2008.

 

And I’ll confess that I’m not a regular reader of his weekly Racer Mailbag column, specifically since my Putrid Zoomtext Fusion 2021 Screen Reader’s so Persnickety and I could almost never get it to go to the next page, albeit I’ve finally figured out a Work around solution to that problem, but I digress…

 

And although I enjoy writing about the constant Salt spray ‘O Synchronicity misting over me here on thoust Isle of Nofendersville, I did find it funny that I’d just posted two wacky, Zany non racing related Posts here on No Fenders about my Longs Donutz’ Holes Baker’s dozen-plus Musak’ selections. With the title being a nod to Robin Miller who once regaled  Mwah about taking Juan Pablo Montoya a dozen of these famous Doughnuts at Mother speedway’, Arse-sumedly Miller’s favourite Haunt prior to perusing Racer.com Wednesday afternoon.

 

Thus if you checked in to read Miller’s latest Mailbag edition this week, you know you were greeted by a message to Robin Miller’s Readers informing us that Robin’s currently fighting a serious Illness and they’ve got No idea if or when the Mailbag will return…

 

Obviously this implies that Robin’s fighting some serious Health issues, and I’d like to believe I can speak for All of my loyal, remaining No Fenders readers that we wish Robin a Speedy Recovery!

 

Get Well Soon, Robin!  

Tomaso 

INDY 500: Latent Thoughts upon Last Year's Pre-Race Buildup

Geez, is He at It Again? And haven't we been Down this Road; Err, Uhm Round this Oval Before? Especially since four Lefts make Ah Circle, El Correctomundo?

 

Author’s Note

Another of Ye countless Yarns that got trapped in Ye proverbial No Fenders Worm Hole Vortex’, when encountering the Gravitational Pull of Blooger’s El Fantastico’ 2020 Blogsite redesign, SPEW! Along with your Hapless Scribe Tomaso trying to migrate from his Trusty ‘Ol Windows 7 Confuzer to the Daunting World of winDOUGHS  10 during the COVID 19 Pandemic, Sigh!

 

Hence this was intended to be Part One of my Mythical Triple Crown 3 part tome, which Smarmy ‘Ol Fredrico Suave’, aka Fernando Alonso’s No longer Chasing currently, and I need a Gory Break Away from this Darn-founded Confuzer’ that I’ve been Staring at way too Mucho lately after poondin’ out a plethora ‘O Indy 500 stories!

Tomaso

 

2020 Indianapolis 500

Yeah, as I’ve already alluded to . I know this riveting No Fenders rant is way behind, at least One Lap Down, which is an IndyCar website that's been Dormant way too Freakin' long! C'mon Jeffie', We’d really Appreciate it if you would resume writing your wonderful Brain Dump thoughts after each IndyCar race, But I digress…

 

Outside by One, Outside, Still Outside!

 

Alas, I should have been joining the IndyCar Blogosphere Heard in recounting How Fantastic it was to have Marco Andretti win the Pole for this year's 104th running of thou Indy 500, for which it Pains Me to Admit I was Rootin' for an Andretti, Yikes! Since I grew-up in Ye Days of Unser's vs. Andretti's, nee 'lil Al vs. Mikey A’ and was an Al Unser Jr. Fan during those Good 'Ol Portland Championship auto Racing Teams (CART) Dazes', Before ‘lil Al had Smoked one too many Marlboros 'N scampered over to thou Dark Side, nee IRL!

 

Whilst we've Definitely Heard the term Heard Mentality Bantered 'bout quite a Bitamyte' the past few months in regards to the Dreaded Corona Virus COVID 19 Pandemic, for which I'm only Happy that el Capitano', nee Roger Penske and Company made the practical 'N wise decision to ensure Fans Safety this year - while we All should be grateful that the race wasn't Cancelled outright! (Or was Roger’s Hands simply Tied by the Mayor of Indianapolis instead?)

 

alas, per Tipicali here upon Ye Isle 'O Nofendersville, where I lead a One Man Band, I'll march to my usual Out of Tune melody; Err noises and leave the Hard Hitting Analytical Indianapolis 500 race Recaps to the rest of Ye Intrawoods', aka IndyCar Blogosphere, nee Internetz' Scrutineering Brigade instead.

 

Especially since it's presumably in our collective Rear View Mirrors now, and I had Zero Clue when I'd be able to resume Blogging again, albeit hopefully before the Harvest Grand Prix; Chirp-chirp, Bueller? Yet somehow I Doubt that would happen, since trying to upgrade to winDOUGHS 10 has been such a Gory Nightmare!

 

Following NBC's Gold Bricks Walkway…

As Seriously NBC/NBC Sports? You cannot find two Freakin' Hours of TB Broadcast time to show a Wee Bitamyte More 'O Indy Cars? i.e.; the opening two hours of Qualie', which would have been the relatively unencumbered time slot of 8-10AM Pacific!

 

As Y'all should be Mightily Embarrassed over your Pathetic Opening Day's Qualifying TV Coverage!

 

Seriously? You only show the final two hours of Day One's Qualie' coverage? Giving the Casual Viewer NO Freakin' idea of who's in the vaunted Top Nine Shootout for Ye riveting Fast Nine Qualie shootout Sunday?

 

As the TV Show began with Conor Daly running another qualifying attempt with Zero Explanation of who were in the Top-9 leading into the TV Broadcast's beginning! And it weren't until Thar was a paltry 15mins left in Ye Pathetic 2hrs TV Show before when we sorta got a Hint at who the Top-9 were verbally!

 

Although Thar was Nothing to emphatically tell us the exact Top-9 running order, just having to put together that Indy  500 Rookies Rinus VeeKay was the lone Chevy runner in the Top-9 and that Alex palou was in P7!

 

Not to mention having to Deduce that Ye Mayor 'O Hinchtown, aka James Hinchcliffe was actually P4, after replaying his early  Day's Qualie' run when he was then third Overall before Andretti Autosport team-mate Alexander Rossi Bumped him down to fourth…

 

As C'mon NBC, you can do way Better than this!

 

Whilst I'll try not lamenting too much hearing Thee Screechy Oh No Mr. Bill Uber Annoying tones 'O Kevin Lee for the very first time this year during Saturday's Lame Arse TV's Qualifying coverage!

 

As Kevin's a Decent Pitlane Reporter, but Definitely lacks the "Chops" for being a good lead Announcer! As I 'prefer Kevin  doing NBC Sports IMSA Weathertech SportsCar Championship coverage and Professor B', aka Jon Beekhuis doing IndyCar's instead,  

 

Especially since I totally prefer listening to IMSA.com's Radio Broadcast with Der Heindenmeier', nee John Hindhaugh at the Controls instead vs. NBC sport's television coverage, But I Digress further…

 

As I find it pretty G-Damn Sad that it wasn't until an Hour and 45mins of the ridiculously Small 2hr TV Window when we were actually informed of who the Day's Top-9 Indy 500 runners were, as Shame On You NBC!

 

Hey, if Ye Elder Statesmen of IndyCar Blogs can ceasessly Pontificate how GURR-REAT! NBC's Gold Bricks Pay Wall Pass is with his nonstop Infomercials. Then I can Gory Well Spout Off how Horrific they are, Righto?

 

Tastes Great, Less Filling…

As Riddle Me this? How does somebody who's Blind easily access NBC Sports Gold? And is it Screen Reader Friendly? And do Y'all feel like Throwing Away 50 Smackerroos' ($50) to play Russian Roulette? Especially if it works as Gory Damn Well as everythingy' else on ye Intrawoods does with my Screen Reader, Nyet! Oh Never Mind!

 

But seriously? NBC Sports managed to Air the final 2.5hrs of Sunday's practice, along with airing another 2.5hrs for Friday's Carb Day practice but couldn't bother to Air two hours of Saturday morning's initial Qualifying Runs? Especially when IndyCar needs every Bloody Stinkin' Eyeball it can muster right now!

 

Since if Y'all cannot tell, I'm really Freakin' Tired of what putting IndyCar behind a Pay-wall implies, like how Marginalized it's been made by Stick 'N Ball sports and how you'll Never Grow the Sport significantly that way, Oh Never Mind!

 

Marco Makes Everyone Happy!

As I said above, I was actually rooting for Marco Andretti to knock Scotty Thee Iceman' 2.0 Dixon Off the Pole Position Wayback on August 16th, 2020. For which he did by the narrowest of margins: 0.017-second after 10-miles and four laps!

 

As the Team Penske Garage's Celebration Spoke Volumes of just how popular Marco's Pole at Mother Speedway was! As even Dixon seemed genuinely pleased for Marco.

 

As it's very Cool that it comes 33-years after his Grand-pappy Mario scored the Andretti's last Pole at Indianapolis, when Marco was just two months old, CRIKEYS!

 

Not to mention I tend to recall 'Ol PT', aka Sugar Ray Tracy', aka Paul Tracy proclaiming Marco should think about becoming an Uber Driver a few seasons ago since he was Driving so Poorly, YOUCH!

 

And although my Numero Uno IndyCar Driver Pato O'Ward ended Carb Day in P1, the only driver with a lap of 225mph-plus, and his regular season team-mate Oliver Askew fifth, I didn't expect them to be Drinking Buttermilk in Victory Lane Sunday. Nor that Smarmy Spaniard Fredrico Suave, aka Fred Alonso.

 

As typical, the Speed Freaks had a Zany but Enjoyable, Entertaining Interview with SPAM's', nee Arrow McLaren SP's two Young Charges, Patricio "Pato" O'Ward and Oliver Askew. Learning they sometimes go by the nicknames Potato and Bread Stick, Hya! As I'll let you figure out who's who? Whilst Thars also a brief mention of their feelings towards Double F1 World Champion Fernando, who was somewhat the Third Wheel at Arrow McLaren SP.

 

Unfortunately since I'm getting old-ER', and didn't bother chronicling it immediately after hearing it on thy Telie', since i was just laughing Deliriously with a crooked smile on my Face!

 

I'm left Arse-suming now long afterwards that it was Friday Night when signing off from Iowa's Race-1 when Leigh Diffey casually mentioned that Pato O'Ward had proved He wasn't A Flash in The Pan! Which I'd scribbled that exact sentiment previously here on No Fenders following his maiden IndyCar Podium at Road America, where he'd come Oh, So tantalizingly Close to winning his maiden IndyCar victory. Just some 6 Miles short of taking the Chequered Flag, beaten by Chip Ganassi Racing’s Felix rosenqvist.

 

Whilst I'll admit this was just random speculation that I conjured up following the conclusion of Carb Day practice. when I came up with only eleven drivers who I thought had legitimate shots at winning the Indianapolis 500 August 23rd, which I deduced by team's alphabetically.

 

(4) Andretti Autosport: Marco Andretti, Alexander Rossi, Ryan Hunter-Reay and James Hinchcliffe; (1) Chip Ganassi Racing: Scott Dixon; (1) Ed Carpenter Racing: Ed Carpenter; (2) Rahal Letterman Lanigan Racing: Graham Rahal & Takuma Sato, and (3) Team Penske: Josef Newgarden, Simon Pagenaud and Will Power.

 

Although I Didn't expect either to win this year, I suppose you should never count out TK' Follow-your-Schnoz! Kanaan, along with 'Ol Narly Pinball', nee Charlie Kimball being a Darkhourse, Eh? But an A.J. Foyt Enterprises car hasn't been in Victory Lane since 1999, Aye Karumba!

 

Whilst 'Ol R', aka Racer's Robin Miller sardonically points out in his latest chin-wag' with SuperTex', nee A.J. Foyt probably wouldn't recognize Kimball or know that his third driver, Rookie Dalton Kellett's a KuhNuck', Hya! While Kanaan's the last Non Big-3 Racing Team Driver to Win the Indy 500 in 2013 for KVRT. (KV Racing Technology)

 

Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!

While I'd be very Happy if Marco won, I wasn't expecting him to, as my guess over winner was torn between Scott Dixon or Alexander Rossi, as I was pulling for the latter, since he seemed to have some unfinished business from last year's Mano e Mano Duel with eventual winner Symone', nee Pageantry, aka Simon Pagenaud. And thus even though Vegas was favouring Dixon, if pressed to pick a winner before the Green Flag flew, I'd choose Rossi. Whilst No Fenders Offical' Photographer CARPETS' (Sagely) said what 'bout Takuma Sato? He's starting third… 

A late Not to Bobby Unser

As Thar will only ever be one Uncle bobby!

 

Yeah, it’s Old News now, which caught me by surprise when I first heard about it on Racer.com Monday, following the Tex-Arse’ Double Header IndyCar weekend. And I was uncertain ‘bout writing about it since it’s already been National News that’s long since Moved On due to our never ending insatiable 24/7 News Cycle.

 

Yet surely everybody has a “Uncle bobby” story or three, Righto? As I must confess I didn’t originally know about bobby Unser the Driver since he retired before I began following Open Wheel Racing in earnest. Although my introduction to Indy Cars came as a Wee lad’ Wayback in the 1970’s, but all I really remember now is the voices of Jim McKay and Chris Shenkel calling the Indianapolis 500 on a Tape-delayed format on ABC’s Wide World of Sports.

 

While I’d have to say my all-time favourite IndyCar TV Broadcast Booth Trio will forever be Paul Page as “MC” or Referee? With Uncle bobby and his veritable Punching Bag Sam Posey! For which I’ll forever remember Unser’s denoting Thar’s some Slippery liquids On-track! And the perfunctory “No, you’re Wrong Sam!” Endless retorts….

 

Later on, Bobby’s notoriety grew After once punching an Albuquerque Policema at the Airport, when I think he was trying to issue him a Parking Citation. Along with Stealing an Army Tank or getting lost Snowmobiling “Out-of-Bounds,” with the National Guard being sent to find Him!.

 

Not to mention my personal favourite, when reputedly throwing a lighter into his demolished Rolls Royce during a Demolition Derby!

 

As I heard about this on a long ago edition of Speed Freaks, when they were interviewing Cary Agajanian, son of the legendous’ Promoter J.c. Agajanian.

 

As it was Carey who claimed bobby threw a lighter into the Rolls, which probably was a Silver Shadow model? Since according to the New York times Archives article dated February 23, 1973. This Demolition Derby was touted as the World’s Richest Demolition Derby featuring some 30 vehicles including Rufus Parnelli Jones in a Cadillac Eldorado and Uncle bobby in the aforementioned Rolls Royce. Noting that Unser stuffed the nose of the Rolls after Jumping a Hay bale before everybody Ganged Up on Unser and continuously rammed him!

 

The event took part sometime in early 1973 in the Los Angeles Coliseum with almost 24,000 Fans paying $156,000 to Attend! And after the Demolition Derby concluded, multiple vehicles were piled up in the center before Daredevil Extraordinaire Evel Knievel Jumped the mass of twisted carnage! Reportedly jumping a further distance than his famous Caser’s Palace Fountain’s Jump.

 

And this whole Spectacle may have also been shown on ABC’s Wide World of Sports sometime that same year?

 

As I had the good fortune of meeting Bobby Unser once in person at the IMS Flagroom, a wonderful “Watering Hole” popular Destination with All of the Drivers and Fans. Which Sadly as far as I know has been Closed for No good reason now for years, Sigh!

 

The year was 2012, when I was attending my third Indy 500 and No Fenders Offical’ Photographer Carpets’ spotted Uncle Bobby naturally Holding Court in the Flagroom, before asking me if I wanted his autograph? So Dave went and inquired with a then 78 year old Unser who said he had to go meet some people but would be back in 5mins, to which Dave said may be he’s Ducking Out on us?

 

But true to his word, Bobby returned and after Dave guided me towards Uncle Bobby, telling me everything I couldn’t Ask HIM! Bobby promptly stuck out his hand to me before pumping it firmly. Then after signing a Miller Lite table-top Advert’, he turned round and put his hand on my shoulder and began directing me which way to stand and look at the camera for the best picture, which naturally I dually complied!

 

Whilst I know one year following one of the Legend’s Day Autograph sessions, as I can no longer recall if it was 2012 or 2013? Where Dave spotted Johnny Unser alone outside, and we saddled up to him to just say “Hi.” As Carpets’ asked him something about Uncle Bobby, to which Johnny said Yeah, He’s still telling me how to coil up the (garden) hoses outside the Motorhome correctly!

 

And then last year, the night before the fairly Surreal running of the Indy 500 in August! As I eagerly awaited the running of the race, I sat transfixed at my Confuzer’ “watching,” Err listening for nearly an hour to ‘Ol R’, aka Robin Miller as MC of a Hilarious Bobby Unser Roast that was held at the famous Stutz building in Indianapolis in 2018.

 

As the then 84 year old Unser was being Roasted in front of approximately 150 “guests” honouring bobby on the 50^th anniversary of his first Indianapolis 500 victory.

 

As Miller does a very good Undle Bobby impersonation, where I learned the legend of Bobby’s praying upon innocent women to cook him a Turkey dinner! While El Capitano’, nee Roger Penske was full of “Piss ‘N vinegar’ towards his former driver. With former Penske team-mate “Rocket Rick” Mears getting in on the action. Along with Rufus Parnelli Jones and Lonestar JR’ (Johnny Rutherford) featured on the Racer.com video.

 

As Y’all can find this Hilarious bit ‘O tomfoolery by simply searching for the Racer article titled Retro: The Roast of Bobby Unser. (August 22, 2020)

 

And All of this doesn’t even address his driving ability, after all having won the Indianapolis 500 in three different decades, 35 IndyCar wins, 52 Poles and two National Championships for starters. Not to mention being the King of Pikes Peak with an unbelieveable 13 victories!

 

And while it’s the Character of Uncle bobby we cherish the most. I have to say I always find it somewhat ironic how he likes to wax On ‘N On ‘bout Formula 1 Drivers being Sissies whenever on Speed Freaks!

 

Yet he himself once contested the 1968 United States grand Prix as a third BRM entry and summarily got his Arse waxed! After being Disqualified from that year’s Italian Grand Prix along with SuperMario’, (Andretti) but that’s a whole nother story… 

IndyCar's Intravenous Drip Continues

As it’s only how many Gory Days More ‘til we actually G-O racing?

 

This past weekend was supposed to be the start of the 2021 NTT IndyCar Series season at St Petersburg, Florida, but we All know that the March 7^th season opener got shifted to April 25^th due to the never ending scurge ‘O the COVID 19 Pandemic. Although I’m Happy with this since I believe there was a five week break between the first two races initially.

 

And it’s Funny to Mwah when listening to Speed Freaks on Sunday Nights how Kenny Sargent laments how Freakin’ Long the NHRA’s Off-season has been, which will reportedly tap out at four and one-half months. Which is Childs play compared to IndyCar’s ridiculously elongated yearly Off-seasons, which have been as long as Gory Seven months!

 

Since if I’ve done my Ryth-Muh-tickin’ correctly? This year’s Off-season will be one week shy of six months since the 2020 St Pete season finale, Yawn! Wake Up Sleepy Head! Since according to the All knowing Intrawoods’, nee Internet, it’ll be 175 Days  between races, Crikeys!

 

And I use the word Intravenous since it feels like we’ve been fed a steady Intravenous Drip-Drip-Drip of News regarding IndyCar over the past Half year’s Off-season, with the obligatory Driver announcement press releases like how many of Yuhs were surprised over Thee Mayor ‘O Hinchtown, aka James Hinchcliffe being named as Zach Veach’s replacement at Andretti autosport?

 

While it feels like scattered testing news to Mwah, not to mention the Debbie Downer ‘bout NBC Sports going away at season’s end, which I’ll tackle in a separate, riveting No Fenders posts another day.

 

Lately, the Biggest News centers round the arrival of  former Formula 1 Driver Romain Grosjean, who drove for America’s sole entry, the Haas F1 Team which is owned by Gene Haas who also Co-owns the Stewart Haas Racing NASCAR team.

 

As we All know, Romain is still recovering from his burned Hands suffered in that Wicked, Fiery Shunt at the Bahrain Grand Pix last winter, as reportedly his left Hand is still healing. And I’d Arse-sume Romain’s biggest issue right now is coming to grips with the lack of power steering in his #51 Dale Coyne Racing with Rick Ware Racing entry.

 

Although according to Racer’s Marshall Pruett, Grosjean encouragingly increased his pace during his second test outing at Laguna Seca Raceway recently, where eight cars from four teams were participating, i.e.; Arrow McLaren SP, Cale Coyne and his various Alphabet Soup Brigades! Ed Carpenter Racing and Meyer Shank Racing. Where Hulio’, nee Helio Castroneves was in the team’s second entry, whilst JPM, Monty’ or Juan Pablo Montoya carried out Aerodynamic testing for McLaren for a total of nine drivers participating.

 

As the part I found most interesting about Grosjean’s Debutante IndyCar outing at Barber Motorsports Park was when he errantly spun his Dallara-Honda coming out of a corner, Me Thinks.

 

As the Frenchman commented he was used to Formula 1, where after all he’s spent the past nine years. Noting how in F1 you need to apply the “L-O-U-D” Pedal, Uhm think it’s called the Accelerator here Stateside, Hya! Uhm plant your right foot exiting corners to move forwards with F1’s Hybrid power and Aerodynamic loads, but in IndyCar’s that totally upsets them and ergo, he spun Off-track unexpectedly.

 

And whilst I’m  Happy reading on Racer that my Numero Uno IndyCar Driver Pato O’Ward has been Fastest in most of Testing, I’m not really sure if it’s worth getting excited about?

 

As I think of how long have I been sscribblin’ about what Formula 1 unofficially calls it’s Winter Olympics, Err Winter Tests? Where almost invariably,, the leaders of the Daily time Sheets are Nowhere to be seen once the F1 Season commences. As Can Y’all say la Scuderia, nee Ferrari?

 

Although I’m not trying to imply anything, as obviously I Hope that Pato’s Pre-season testing pace will continue during the regular season and he’ll finally “Break his duck!” And score his maiden IndyCar victory! And Gasp, even challenge for this year’s IndyCar Championship, since how refreshing would it be to have somebody besides the Big three, as in the No. 3, i.e.; Penske, Ganassi and Andretti fighting for the title…

 

As it’s Only 39 More Days until the green Flag waves at Barber Motorsports Park, April 18^th, Yeehaw!

 

Oh blarney! Now George has jumped on the Pato O’Ward Bandwagon, which I hope doesn’t mena he’s just given him the Dreaded Oilpressuer.com Curse, Hya! 

INDY 500: Many Fans Seeing Red Over Yellow Flag Finish

Wherez RASSCARs 'Ol DW to Oh-pine' Checkers or Wreckers, Yee-Haw!

For Mwah, the only thing that really mattered 'bout this year's Indianapolis 500 finish was that miraculously Spencer Pigot Walked away relatively Unharmed, i.e.; No Broken bones, Serious Concussion, Internal Injuries etc from his Nasty Crash!

And I readily acknowledge that Scott Dixon is one Bad Arse Hombre behind the steering wheel, presumably en route to a staggering sixth NTT IndyCar Series Championship and would certainly have been justified of winning on Sunday, but I found myself Rootin' against him, since I tire easily of Ye Big Three, nee Penske, Ganassi and Andretti Always winning...

Thus I found myself chanting Ah-Mightily Taku-Taku-Taku' with four sets 'O fingers crossed towards the end of the race that Takuma Sato would indeed win the 104th running of the Indianapolis 500!

But I'm surprised over how much Backlash there's been for IndyCar Not throwing a Red Flag. Since according to ESPN's Ryan McGee, there's been 16 Indy 500's since 1940 to finish under a Caution Flag. And I was at the last two in person, circa 2012-2013.

As what's happened to our Sporting Collective and why do we think we're entitled to always have a Green-White-Checkered Flag Finish in Open Wheel Racing?

As one very Sage Reporter out Thar noted it's the Indianapolis 500, not 501, 502; Err, Uhm that would be 502.5, 505, or the race ended on Lap 204, etc. Nor do we have any Lucky' Dog Wave Arounds behind the Pace Car to Unlap yourself! As I believe that's a different series called RASSCAR', Get along 'lil doggy...

As I speculated with one friend immediately afterwards asking where did All of the massive Debris go? Was it littering the Pitlane? Since perhaps IndyCar was worried that by bringing the field to a Red Flag Halt on Pitlane where Nobody's allowed to work on their cars, i.e.; Changing tyres, etc. how many competitors would risk having cut tyres when returning to racing?

Although I've since heard following the race Crash Gladys of Speed Freaks Fame noting that IndyCar mentioned briefly that it would have taken over One Hour to repair the Damaged Attenuator. And For The Love of Indy's Raymond Hando noted Sunday night that on the radio they claimed it would have taken at least 90mins. All of which was running up against NBC's going Off the Air at 3PM Pacific, and I believe that NBC Sports still had the NASCAR race on its TV Network, and of Course we wouldn't have wanted another Heidi Outcome, Righto?

Therefore, with only Five laps remaining, and in this topsy-turvy COVID 19 Pandemic world, I totally feel IndyCar made the right Decision to end under Caution and that Takuma Sato was a totally Deserving Winner! Having rolled off an Indy 500 career best third and staying in the Top-5 all day long.

Takuma Sato on Milk, Party Plans & Honda Engines

Ironically, the last Non big Three Indy 500 winner TK' Follow-your-Schnoz! Kanaan's 2013 victory for KV Racing Technology also came under a yellow flag, but Nobody seems to have a Problem with that...