Thursday, June 3, 2021

INDY 500: Latent Thoughts upon Last Year's Pre-Race Buildup

Geez, is He at It Again? And haven't we been Down this Road; Err, Uhm Round this Oval Before? Especially since four Lefts make Ah Circle, El Correctomundo?


Author’s Note

Another of Ye countless Yarns that got trapped in Ye proverbial No Fenders Worm Hole Vortex’, when encountering the Gravitational Pull of Blooger’s El Fantastico’ 2020 Blogsite redesign, SPEW! Along with your Hapless Scribe Tomaso trying to migrate from his Trusty ‘Ol Windows 7 Confuzer to the Daunting World of winDOUGHS  10 during the COVID 19 Pandemic, Sigh!


Hence this was intended to be Part One of my Mythical Triple Crown 3 part tome, which Smarmy ‘Ol Fredrico Suave’, aka Fernando Alonso’s No longer Chasing currently, and I need a Gory Break Away from this Darn-founded Confuzer’ that I’ve been Staring at way too Mucho lately after poondin’ out a plethora ‘O Indy 500 stories!



2020 Indianapolis 500

Yeah, as I’ve already alluded to . I know this riveting No Fenders rant is way behind, at least One Lap Down, which is an IndyCar website that's been Dormant way too Freakin' long! C'mon Jeffie', We’d really Appreciate it if you would resume writing your wonderful Brain Dump thoughts after each IndyCar race, But I digress…


Outside by One, Outside, Still Outside!


Alas, I should have been joining the IndyCar Blogosphere Heard in recounting How Fantastic it was to have Marco Andretti win the Pole for this year's 104th running of thou Indy 500, for which it Pains Me to Admit I was Rootin' for an Andretti, Yikes! Since I grew-up in Ye Days of Unser's vs. Andretti's, nee 'lil Al vs. Mikey A’ and was an Al Unser Jr. Fan during those Good 'Ol Portland Championship auto Racing Teams (CART) Dazes', Before ‘lil Al had Smoked one too many Marlboros 'N scampered over to thou Dark Side, nee IRL!


Whilst we've Definitely Heard the term Heard Mentality Bantered 'bout quite a Bitamyte' the past few months in regards to the Dreaded Corona Virus COVID 19 Pandemic, for which I'm only Happy that el Capitano', nee Roger Penske and Company made the practical 'N wise decision to ensure Fans Safety this year - while we All should be grateful that the race wasn't Cancelled outright! (Or was Roger’s Hands simply Tied by the Mayor of Indianapolis instead?)


alas, per Tipicali here upon Ye Isle 'O Nofendersville, where I lead a One Man Band, I'll march to my usual Out of Tune melody; Err noises and leave the Hard Hitting Analytical Indianapolis 500 race Recaps to the rest of Ye Intrawoods', aka IndyCar Blogosphere, nee Internetz' Scrutineering Brigade instead.


Especially since it's presumably in our collective Rear View Mirrors now, and I had Zero Clue when I'd be able to resume Blogging again, albeit hopefully before the Harvest Grand Prix; Chirp-chirp, Bueller? Yet somehow I Doubt that would happen, since trying to upgrade to winDOUGHS 10 has been such a Gory Nightmare!


Following NBC's Gold Bricks Walkway…

As Seriously NBC/NBC Sports? You cannot find two Freakin' Hours of TB Broadcast time to show a Wee Bitamyte More 'O Indy Cars? i.e.; the opening two hours of Qualie', which would have been the relatively unencumbered time slot of 8-10AM Pacific!


As Y'all should be Mightily Embarrassed over your Pathetic Opening Day's Qualifying TV Coverage!


Seriously? You only show the final two hours of Day One's Qualie' coverage? Giving the Casual Viewer NO Freakin' idea of who's in the vaunted Top Nine Shootout for Ye riveting Fast Nine Qualie shootout Sunday?


As the TV Show began with Conor Daly running another qualifying attempt with Zero Explanation of who were in the Top-9 leading into the TV Broadcast's beginning! And it weren't until Thar was a paltry 15mins left in Ye Pathetic 2hrs TV Show before when we sorta got a Hint at who the Top-9 were verbally!


Although Thar was Nothing to emphatically tell us the exact Top-9 running order, just having to put together that Indy  500 Rookies Rinus VeeKay was the lone Chevy runner in the Top-9 and that Alex palou was in P7!


Not to mention having to Deduce that Ye Mayor 'O Hinchtown, aka James Hinchcliffe was actually P4, after replaying his early  Day's Qualie' run when he was then third Overall before Andretti Autosport team-mate Alexander Rossi Bumped him down to fourth…


As C'mon NBC, you can do way Better than this!


Whilst I'll try not lamenting too much hearing Thee Screechy Oh No Mr. Bill Uber Annoying tones 'O Kevin Lee for the very first time this year during Saturday's Lame Arse TV's Qualifying coverage!


As Kevin's a Decent Pitlane Reporter, but Definitely lacks the "Chops" for being a good lead Announcer! As I 'prefer Kevin  doing NBC Sports IMSA Weathertech SportsCar Championship coverage and Professor B', aka Jon Beekhuis doing IndyCar's instead,  


Especially since I totally prefer listening to's Radio Broadcast with Der Heindenmeier', nee John Hindhaugh at the Controls instead vs. NBC sport's television coverage, But I Digress further…


As I find it pretty G-Damn Sad that it wasn't until an Hour and 45mins of the ridiculously Small 2hr TV Window when we were actually informed of who the Day's Top-9 Indy 500 runners were, as Shame On You NBC!


Hey, if Ye Elder Statesmen of IndyCar Blogs can ceasessly Pontificate how GURR-REAT! NBC's Gold Bricks Pay Wall Pass is with his nonstop Infomercials. Then I can Gory Well Spout Off how Horrific they are, Righto?


Tastes Great, Less Filling…

As Riddle Me this? How does somebody who's Blind easily access NBC Sports Gold? And is it Screen Reader Friendly? And do Y'all feel like Throwing Away 50 Smackerroos' ($50) to play Russian Roulette? Especially if it works as Gory Damn Well as everythingy' else on ye Intrawoods does with my Screen Reader, Nyet! Oh Never Mind!


But seriously? NBC Sports managed to Air the final 2.5hrs of Sunday's practice, along with airing another 2.5hrs for Friday's Carb Day practice but couldn't bother to Air two hours of Saturday morning's initial Qualifying Runs? Especially when IndyCar needs every Bloody Stinkin' Eyeball it can muster right now!


Since if Y'all cannot tell, I'm really Freakin' Tired of what putting IndyCar behind a Pay-wall implies, like how Marginalized it's been made by Stick 'N Ball sports and how you'll Never Grow the Sport significantly that way, Oh Never Mind!


Marco Makes Everyone Happy!

As I said above, I was actually rooting for Marco Andretti to knock Scotty Thee Iceman' 2.0 Dixon Off the Pole Position Wayback on August 16th, 2020. For which he did by the narrowest of margins: 0.017-second after 10-miles and four laps!


As the Team Penske Garage's Celebration Spoke Volumes of just how popular Marco's Pole at Mother Speedway was! As even Dixon seemed genuinely pleased for Marco.


As it's very Cool that it comes 33-years after his Grand-pappy Mario scored the Andretti's last Pole at Indianapolis, when Marco was just two months old, CRIKEYS!


Not to mention I tend to recall 'Ol PT', aka Sugar Ray Tracy', aka Paul Tracy proclaiming Marco should think about becoming an Uber Driver a few seasons ago since he was Driving so Poorly, YOUCH!


And although my Numero Uno IndyCar Driver Pato O'Ward ended Carb Day in P1, the only driver with a lap of 225mph-plus, and his regular season team-mate Oliver Askew fifth, I didn't expect them to be Drinking Buttermilk in Victory Lane Sunday. Nor that Smarmy Spaniard Fredrico Suave, aka Fred Alonso.


As typical, the Speed Freaks had a Zany but Enjoyable, Entertaining Interview with SPAM's', nee Arrow McLaren SP's two Young Charges, Patricio "Pato" O'Ward and Oliver Askew. Learning they sometimes go by the nicknames Potato and Bread Stick, Hya! As I'll let you figure out who's who? Whilst Thars also a brief mention of their feelings towards Double F1 World Champion Fernando, who was somewhat the Third Wheel at Arrow McLaren SP.


Unfortunately since I'm getting old-ER', and didn't bother chronicling it immediately after hearing it on thy Telie', since i was just laughing Deliriously with a crooked smile on my Face!


I'm left Arse-suming now long afterwards that it was Friday Night when signing off from Iowa's Race-1 when Leigh Diffey casually mentioned that Pato O'Ward had proved He wasn't A Flash in The Pan! Which I'd scribbled that exact sentiment previously here on No Fenders following his maiden IndyCar Podium at Road America, where he'd come Oh, So tantalizingly Close to winning his maiden IndyCar victory. Just some 6 Miles short of taking the Chequered Flag, beaten by Chip Ganassi Racing’s Felix rosenqvist.


Whilst I'll admit this was just random speculation that I conjured up following the conclusion of Carb Day practice. when I came up with only eleven drivers who I thought had legitimate shots at winning the Indianapolis 500 August 23rd, which I deduced by team's alphabetically.


(4) Andretti Autosport: Marco Andretti, Alexander Rossi, Ryan Hunter-Reay and James Hinchcliffe; (1) Chip Ganassi Racing: Scott Dixon; (1) Ed Carpenter Racing: Ed Carpenter; (2) Rahal Letterman Lanigan Racing: Graham Rahal & Takuma Sato, and (3) Team Penske: Josef Newgarden, Simon Pagenaud and Will Power.


Although I Didn't expect either to win this year, I suppose you should never count out TK' Follow-your-Schnoz! Kanaan, along with 'Ol Narly Pinball', nee Charlie Kimball being a Darkhourse, Eh? But an A.J. Foyt Enterprises car hasn't been in Victory Lane since 1999, Aye Karumba!


Whilst 'Ol R', aka Racer's Robin Miller sardonically points out in his latest chin-wag' with SuperTex', nee A.J. Foyt probably wouldn't recognize Kimball or know that his third driver, Rookie Dalton Kellett's a KuhNuck', Hya! While Kanaan's the last Non Big-3 Racing Team Driver to Win the Indy 500 in 2013 for KVRT. (KV Racing Technology)


Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!

While I'd be very Happy if Marco won, I wasn't expecting him to, as my guess over winner was torn between Scott Dixon or Alexander Rossi, as I was pulling for the latter, since he seemed to have some unfinished business from last year's Mano e Mano Duel with eventual winner Symone', nee Pageantry, aka Simon Pagenaud. And thus even though Vegas was favouring Dixon, if pressed to pick a winner before the Green Flag flew, I'd choose Rossi. Whilst No Fenders Offical' Photographer CARPETS' (Sagely) said what 'bout Takuma Sato? He's starting third…