Friday, February 14, 2020

Ode to DannaCar (2018 Edition)



Yep! It's that time of the year once again to honour the Disco Queen of 'RASSCAR! Although I think she may already have a Valentine's suitor this year, as I've been told by No Fenders AZ Bureau Chief Snowbyrd MJ' some NFL QB named Aaron Rodgers has got the Hot's for her; Touchdown! While Good 'Ol Ricky-boy's definitely lost her number.

Nevertheless, here we go...

Toe to toe
Dancing very slow
Barely breathing
Almost comatose…
(pressdog!)

Wall to wall
People hypnotized
And they're stepping lightly
Hanging on her every move each night in Rapture

Back to back
Sacrailiac
Spineless movement
And a wild attack

Face to face
Sadly solitude
And it's finger popping
Twenty-four hour shopping
In ‘DannaCar Land!

Flavour Flav HMS Monogram told me everybody's high
DJ's spinning' are saving' my mind
Flash is Fast, Flash is cool
Jacke Vanilla sez fast, Flashe' no do

And you try to stop
((Watching’ MAC Montoya, Sam Hornish & ALL those Open Wheel DEFECTORS!)
SURE SHIT!
Just go out to the parking lot
Get in your car and you drive real far
Away from the track!

After you drive all night, you see a bright flashing light
And it comes right down and lands on the ground
And out pops a Girl in a shiny sequin bathing suit from RASSCAR!

And you try to run but She's got a gun
And She shoots you dead and “She eats your head
And then you're in the Girl from RASSCAR!

You go out at night, eatin' Racecars
 You eat Marches, Reynard’s, Swift’s and Panoz’s too…
And you don't stop, you keep on eatin' Single Seaters
Then, when there's no more Racecars left
You go out at night and eat up Open Wheel Racing series instead
Like Champ Car and the IRL
While ‘Ol timers desperately cling to fantasies of a renaissance…

Face to face, dance cheek to cheek
One to one, man to man
Dance toe to toe
Don't move to slow, 'cause the Girl from RASSCAR is cutting thru
(Excuse me HULIO!)

But Mrs. Hospenthal is through with the competition
‘cause She's been eatin' a ton ‘O snicker bars
Yeah, wall to wall, door to door, hall to hall
She's gonna eat 'em all
Rapture…

Be pure
Take a tour; through the sewer
Don't strain your brain
Just check out that Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue instead!
And then say it real fast
Boog-itee- Boog-itee- Boog-itee!
Paint a train, cause you’ll be singing' in the rain
If dare ain’t some ‘Tin Tops on real soon
I say stop throwin those mountain dew cans at Pretty Boy Floyd
Junior Nation!
Just be good ‘ol boyzs and cheer for ‘dannaCar instead!

Well now you see what you want to be
Just like Mike, who’s trying to pump up ‘Dem Spin-Car ratings on TV
'Cause the Girl from RASSCAR won't eat Candy bars when She’s PEAK-ing
In the bright lights…

As now She's gone back up to MARS Where She won't have a hassle with the human race ‘cause now its ‘DannaLand!

And you hip-hop, and you don't stop
Just blast off, sure shot
'Cause the Girl from RASSCAR stopped eatin' Racecars
And now She only devours IndyCar
get up; ‘Cause She’s gone HOLLYWOOD!
(Original lyrics: Blondie; Rapture)

Originally written by Tomaso on Feb 15, 2008
(Last Modified: February, 2018)

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

MOTO GP: Is Valentino Rossi joining Tony Kanaan on Last Lap Tour?



Will the Ageless Doctor' finally have to Hang up his Crash Bucket?

As we All know, Father Time waits for No One, as inevitably it's nip-nip-nipping at TK' Follow-your-Schnoz! Kanaan's IndyCar career.

And now comes news that Yamaha has apparently forced 40yr old Italian Valentino Rossi's hand, with its announcement of who'll replace the Motorcycle legend at Yamaha in 2021.

As the final week of January was a busy month for the Head Honchos' at Yamaha, when first announcing the two year contract extension of Maverick Vinales thru the 2022 MotoGP season.

then the following day (Jan 29) it was announced that Yamaha had signed Fabio Quartararo as Thee Doctor's, nee Valentino Rossi's replacement beginning in 2021 on a similar two year contract with the Works squad.


As Quartararo's signing to the Factory Yamahopper Team seemed fairly certain to Mwah last season, especially since the French Rider was the sensation of the MotoGP season - and Rossi will be an unheard of 41 next year if he continues racing in the premiere class.


Meanwhile, Jorge Lorenzo has been announced as the new Yamaha Test Rider for 2020, returning to the Japanese manufacturer he had major success with. While Yamaha hasn't shut the door completely on Valentino either.


As Quartararo's signing for 2021 comes with the caveat that Yamaha's prepared to provide Valentino a current spec Yamaha Scooter and support him if he decides to continue on in 2021.

Possibly swapping seats at Fabio's current employer Petronas Yamaha SRT, or perhaps with Rossi's very own VR46 Motorcycle Team finally making the leap to the Big leagues?

As MotoGP Testing begins at Sepang shortly, and then it's Lights Out on the start of the 2020 MotoGP season in Qatar on March 8th...

Monday, February 10, 2020

INDYCAR: The Hits Keep On Rollin'



Tomaso poses with the current Team Penske IndyCar triumberant's life-like banners in the Penske Racing Museum during Fall 2019 visit. But how long will they remain together after 2020? (The Tomaso Collection)
As it's almost time to fire 'em Up Boyz' and G-O Testing!

Yeah, the IndyCar Off-season's been like an intravenous IV's Drip-Drip-Drip... As we've just learned recently that Bad Arse Defending V8 Supercars' Champion Scott McLaughlin will not only be taking part in this week's two Days IndyCar Pre-season Test at COTA Feb 11-12th aboard the No. 2 Team Penske IndyCar, but will also make his IndyCar Debut at this May's Indy GP, where he'll replace somebody known as HULIO', nee Helio Castroneves.


And although it doesn't seem that hard of a STUR-RETCH! Racer's Marshall Pruett kindly points out that this opportunity for the Kiwi' most likely has further implication besides El Capitano's kindness, albeit the Company line says it's a reward for All the Hard Work McLaughlin's done for DJR Team Penske Down Under Mates!


Meanwhile, according to the IndyStar's Sports section which I can only listen to via my NFB Newsline for The Blind telephone service, since like NBC Sports Gold Bricks Pay Wall, I refuse to subscribe to the tepid Indianapolis Star Newspaper; But I Digress...

Thee Mayor 'O Hinchtown apparently cryptically put out a video on his Instagram account? Last week 'bout how he'd have a B-I-G' Announcement of his own on Friday, Feb 7th, the very same day his former employer was supposed to be announcing Somme-thun' riveting itself; Hmm? Although apparently Hinch's messing with us, Eh?



Although I'm expecting Thee Mayor' to run this May's Double' with Andretti Autosport in the vacated Six Gun seat of Fernando Alonso's. And won't be shocked if Hinch' also contest Toronto with Mikey A's squad...

Whilst I found myself ponderin' if perhaps Hinchcliffe will patiently wait out this IndyCar season in order to take Zach Veach's Andretti Autosport seat in 2021?

Although I think Kyle Kirkwood could also be in line for this if he wins this year's Indy Lights title.

And why would Hinch' want to be sharing space with Rossi, Hunter-Reay and Colton Herta? Other than it's probably the best Hondre' Team for his future, even if Rahal Letterman Lanigan Racing would give him more personal Attenzione, which is where I ultimately expect him to wind up for '21.

Also for those so inclined, IndyCar's just announced that it'll be Live Streaming the COTA Pre-season Test, for those of Yuhs so inclined to sneak a peak during the workday...


UPDATE
While we know that Max Chilton will drive the #59 Carlin entry the majority of this season, sans Oval with the exception of the Indy 500. It's been announced that Brazilian's Felipe Nasr and Sergio Set Camara will both spend time aboard the #31 Carlin entry during the two day COTA Open Test...

(Photo c/o No Fenders Blogmeister' Miguel)