Friday, November 30, 2018

INDYCAR: Let the McLaren Racing and Fernando Sweepstakes roulette Begin in earnest

Kiwi Bird on nose of Johnny Rutherford's McLaren at the IMS Hall of Fame museum. (The Tomaso Collection)
Will it be one Orange Car or two? While we know it won't be sponsored by Fuzzy's...

I suppose by now I should understand why Zak Brown and McLaren & Co. are so eager to Toy with Us IndyCar Masses...

Especially now that another Abysmal Formula 1 season's "Done 'N Dusted" for McLaren, and Fernando's "Left Duh Building;" Err retired from Formula One, and any good press is welcomed.

Obviously by now, Y'all have heard of McLaren's new Indy 500 project, Righto? For which longtime ex-Force India Deputy Team Principal Bob Fernley's been announced as the project's leader, which many have found puzzling since Gil de Ferran is currently heading the F1 side of Woking's Palace, who's intimately connected to Indy Cars, albeit it's worth remembering he was Honda F1's Sporting Director briefly.

Yet I'm getting quite Cornfuzed over the continuing references being made about Fernando Alonso driving with, and the 2019 McLaren Indy 500 project being in conjunction with Ed Carpenter Racing.

Especially since ECR's previously announced that Ed Jones will drive the No. 64 Scuderia Corsa Dallara DW12-Chevy, their third Indy 500 entry, along with the entire "Twisties," nee Road & Street Courses portion of the 2019 IndyCar calendar in collabouration with Scuderia Corsa.

With the team's other two drivers, aka FAST EDDIE', nee Ed Carpenter in his longtime #20 mount & Spencer Pigot in the  #21 at Mother Speedway this May.

Although I've read recently on Race Fans
that Alonso's signed to drive GM Products next year, i.e.; Cadillac at the Daytona 24hrs & Chevy at Indianapolis, but McLaren's running their own team and any combination with ECR would seem to imply EdCarpenter's running 4-cars at Indy, or 5 if McLaren enters a second car, which 5 ECR cars seems fairly unlikely to Mwah. So, am I missing something?

And whilst we're All still Ah-wash' in the Afterglow of Fred's retirement from the Pinnacle of Motorsports. It's worth remembering that the Swashbuckling Spaniard isn't All Smiles and Charm, especially when he doesn't get his way!

Whilst lastly, presumably Y'all know that McLaren's got a rich History at thee Brickyard, most notably it's two victories with Lonestar JR' at the controls, which I've previously scribbled here on No Fenders in;

(Photo c/o No Fenders ‘Offical Photographer CARPETS')

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Toto Barking Mad Wolff Howling at Abu Dhabi's Moon!

As why is that 'Ol Warren Zevon Werewolves in London song coming to mind? Or should it be Michael "touch Me" Jackson's Thriller?

Ever since the Stupefying Mercedes Gaff at Sochi, nee Valtteri, " Lewis is Faster than You!" Russian Grand Prix Hi-jinx instigated by Toto Wolff. I've been forever royally PISSED with the Smug-Arse Austrian team leader.

And every time since sky sports interviewed him, Toto's immediately garnered a vehement Will Power Double Byrd Salute from Mwah, usually followed by my growling loudly  SHUT-UP TOTO! to Thy Telie' as I search for either the TV's Mute or Off Buttons!

Oh Yeah, have I mentioned lately, The Name's Bottas, Valtteri Bottas is still my current Numero Uno F1 Pilote...

So imagine my Disgust when running across the Headline denoting that Wolff thinks Valtteri's got Mental issues, What The Fuck are you saying Toto?


Uhm, News Flash toto, can you honestly say in Hindsight after thou Golden Child, nee Lewis Hamilton just claimed his 11th Grands Prix victory of the season, en route to a ridiculous tally of 408-points, the most ever scored by a driver in a season - Whilst Decimating the Formula 1 competition warranted you making Bottas forfeit his Russian GP win?

And now you've got the audacity to question your Number 2 Driver. Yuhs know the one you called Lewis's Wingman earlier this season. Along with unnecessarily making him pull over for your favoured driver and then wonder why Valtteri's faltering? Are you really that STUPID Toto?

Or may be you need to ask Felipe Massa what it's like for a driver having his Soul crushed by his current racing team? As I'd argue that Massa never truly recovered from Ferrari's Heavy handed tactics. Which Gee Wally; Err Toto, you unwisely copied in Sochi!

As go back to Austria, Stuff some Strudel in your Mouth and then G-O Howl at the Moon! As this song's for you Toto...

Team Willy's Pre-Abu Dhabi Announcement Outshines Season Finale

Yabba Dabba Dubai', the Season's done 'N Dusted! As one B-I-G' Name leaves, another Big Name returns...

Whale', I suppose the main reason I was willing to stay up into thou Wee Hours to watch; Err listen to le Dueshes' (ESPN) encore presentation of the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix late Sunday night was the fact that it was the Season Finale; Hurrah!

As Wada Yuhs Know? Shocking, NOT! Formula One's TV Viewing figures have Leveled off this year, with nary a Peep 'bout The U.S. Market's numbers, which surely have gone down thou Drain with the Bastardized Broadcasts we're receiving via those fine Liberty Media Folks...

And surely everybody knows by now that thee Raging Bull; Oopsadaisy! That's Maximus Hothead', Not Fernando; Hya!

Uhm, Y'all know that Fred Alonso's retiring from Formula 1 after becoming the Sport's second most tenured driver with a startling 312 Grands Prix starts to his credit, only out surpassed by 'Rubino, nee Rubens Barrichello's staggering 322 career starts!

Although it's worth noting that Barrichello's tally took longer due to there being less Grands Prix per season then now. Which if Liberty gets it's wish of a ridiculous 25 "super bowls;" Err Grands Prix per season, will the new records really mean anything? 

Whilst naturally, but I'm happy to hear him say so. Fernando notes that Michael Schumacher was his biggest rival during his Formula 1 career! As I still recall the smarmy Spaniard being thou Scourge for daring to beat Herr Schuey' for the title in 2005-06; Ja-Ja!

Meanwhile, gueesin' Y'all know about the driver I previously nicknamed "the Krakow Kid," nee Robert Kubica's amazing return to Formula 1 next season as Team Willy's second race driver.

As the now 33yr old Pole', soon to be 34 will become the Grid's second oldest F1 Driver, behind thou sports Elder Statesmen being thee "Iceman," nee Kimi Raikkonen at age 39. When Robert takes the green lights Down Under for Williams next year  alongside rookie F1 team-mate George Russell...

As I wish for nothing but the Best for Kubica & Williams, but Thars' a part 'O me that feels this is a  publicity exercise to boost morale for the woeful Grove based team's fall to the bottom of the F1 constructors table...

Monday, November 26, 2018

Trundlin' Off to GrandMaMa's House in Style...

Dodge Hellcats changed Thar Stripes for the 2016 model year. (Image source:
As Who let 'em Doggies Out? Or is that the sublime whine of a  Supercharger instead?

So it's become quite a Bitamyte of a running joke lately that my various outings are inspired as "blog Material" gathering sessions; Hya! which isn't really true, but in some cases...

Like going to Turkey-Lurkey Day's (Thanksgiving) Dinner in Grand Fashion, unbeknownst to Mwah. As the day began hilariously here in Florence when Ye Power went out for approximately an hour's time just minutes after 11AM. Hmm? Musing to Thyself that perhaps Florence's Power Grid couldn't handle thou demand of everybody cookin' Thar Turkey's at once, Eh?

Not to mention it was raining all morning long, before Colin knocked upon the door and cheekily told me he had a surprise waiting outside for me... Nearing the garage I mused to Thyself, that Ain't the Durango', as somme-thun' sat outside rumblin' away angrily, menacingly albeit in muted tone.

Whiskey-Tango-foxtrot indeedy! As I was being escorted to the front seat of a Dodge Charger SRT Hellcat; SHIT! Presumably a 2018 model? (Which I've subsequently learned it was indeed a Brand New 2018 model...) As I marveled over how quiet this modern day Muscle Car was burbling away in thou Driveway!

Holy Hemispheric Combustion Chambers Batman!

As our Affable chauffer Larry drove off in "Eco Mode," which he claimed was much more manageable for driving in the Rain. Noting that we'd be stopping back off at the Scene of The Crime, as Colin wanted me to feel the Hellcat's Fury unleashed; Err true power, where they'd previously done a Burnout at a nearby business! Or was it thou local Parish, instead?

As I never truly even remotely guessed I'd ever ride in a Dodge Charger SRT Hellcat! Which is a very amazing modern day 4-Door Sedan, or as Larry enjoys calling it, his "Grocery Getter!"

As I'd have to guess that this is the highest horsepower "Street legal" vehicle I've ever ridden in. With a whopping 707Bhp produced by its "blown" 6.2-litre Hemi V-8, eschewing a massive 650 foot-pounds of Torque; Yowzah!

For which Claudio's informed me that he remembers the 'Ol 392 Cast Iron block being a favourite of Drag Racers Wayback' in the Day. Although ARSE-Sumedly this modern day's Charger Hellcat's 392cid V-8 block's been updated...

Coming to full Stop, Larry casually changed the car's driving characteristics outta Eco-mode into a more sinister, foot poundin' Loud Pedal Blisterin' tyre's "launch mode!" Before saying ready?

then being immediately thrust backwards into my seat as a Narly, Snarlin' noise emanated from the immediately tortured rear rubber, I felt us momentarily hooking up traction-wise as Larry said that's enough - After having let this Beast Slither slightly sideways in its forwards Crab-walk in the blink  of an Eye; Aye Karumba!

And as we leisurely drove the rest of the way towards GrandMaMa's House, with a wide smile upon my face. Larry felt obliged to recant lore of his having Blown Away a modern-day's Ford GT350-R on the Freeway in Southern California. Noting how he'd rolled-up upon a lowered Infinity and the hapless Ford.

Waiting to hear if the Ford would downshift upon his arrival, Larry noted how he'd let the "Seamless Shift" 8-speed Auto-Transmission do the shifting after dropping down one gear, and proceeded to smartly pull away from the Ford from their rolling 75mph start!

Nonchalantly noting it really wasn't a contest, since the Ford only sported a "measly" 560bhp compared to the Hellcat's 707! And what did the FoMoCo' Guy think would happen on a long, straight stretch of Interstate Highway...

And Larry's apparently quite the Car Guy, who's apparently had a bevy 'O Chrysler; Err Dodge products, for which I cannot remember what they were, other than various Charger Hellcat predecessors. Along with noting owning a Camaro ZL1 briefly...

Yet what blew me away about the Charger was how Docile it was, as it was Uber Quiet inside the cabin, perhaps aided by the precipitation, and our mild pace.

Not to mention that it not only featured Fiat-Chrysler's version of Porsche's "Tip-tronic" style dual mode automatic transmission, but also came equipped with paddle shifters upon the steering wheel, for those daring enough to utilize the "Sport & Track" mode.

As the car just felt silky smooth to Mwah, noting how it didn't feel like it was lumbering, or protesting being driven so mildly, never Shuddering or Stuttering for which many high horsepower muscle-cars are prone to do!

Although I never, ever got to hear the scintillating whine of its supercharger. For which Larry assured me, when opened at full throttle, and the exhaust opens up along with its secondary "Gears," is quite the Screaming Banshee! Not that he knew; Honest, Wink-Wink, Nudge-Nudge...

After letting the car sit idling somberly in the driveway. when exiting the car, I could discern it's muscular stance and notice the twin black center  stripes down the hood
of the predominantly whitecar, a la Shelby GT-350 treatment. Albeit these were tastefully done, with a small center gap between the smaller width twin stripes running nose to tail over the car's body.

Having since learned that Dodge's Factory option for this stripe treatment began in 2016 and they call these graphics Carbon...

As I wished I'd asked  Larry many more questions about this wonderful Beast, as the car left me most impressed! Especially since it's so unique in today's plethora of everybody driving Jelly Bean SUV's or small Sedans, or E-Gad's, PickemUp' Trucks!

And to think, this isn't even Fiat-Chrysler's "Pony Car" entry, which presumably would be the Dodge Challenger instead.

While this Charger SRT Hellcat makes me think of the long forgotten Ford Taurus SHO Sedan, albeit this Charger model's most definitely on Steroids!

Which makes me wish somehow Thar was a "2-door" Challenger competition version to go Head-to-Head with the Corvette C7R and Ford GT in IMSA Sports Car racing, although Me Thinks these Dodge's are aimed at the Flatliner Stoplight-to-Stoplight Crowds instead...

As Thanxs for the Ride, Larry, and in the immortal words 'O No Fenders Moniker King Randal, your ride's definitely Bitchin!