Wednesday, December 23, 2020

Happy Holley 4-barrel Holidazes, Y'all

Groan, he's at it again... In what’s now become a tradition here on Nofendersville. Where your Humble Scribe Tomaso tortures Y’all with his witty repartee of his version of poetry from a much overused theme, Hya!

As Merry Festimus' Y'all, from Ye Mystical Isle 'O Nofendersville, a Happy, Joyous, Contented piece 'O Wind Swept Barren Rock, Somewheres' on thou Oregonian Coast between Winchester Bay and Cape Perpetchua, R' Mateys!

Although it's a somewhat Blue, Blue Christmas, since unfortunately that Fine Kuhnaidiun' Lass Claire's No longer with us. Not to mention Ye Rhythm Professor, thou one ‘N only Neil Peart…

And Betcha thought I was gonna Roll with 'Ol Elvis's Blue-Blue-Blue platter, Eh? But Claire would want something a 'lil more up-tempo Me Thinks!

VIDEO: The Muppets - Jingle Bells

As may be it’s ye Eggnog... But I always think of my favourite Two Hosers this time ‘O year, Fa la la la la lah…

NO! Not thee Mayor 'O Hinchtown and thou Young Wicky! (Robert Wickens) Nor Scott "What Pace Car?" Goodyear & Jockess V, nee Jack Vanilla, aka Jacques Villeneuve. Nye Pat "The Carpenter" (Carpentier) Nor TAG', nee Alex Tagliani or our Newest Hoser Dalton Kellett, but I digress...

Nope instead, per tipicali this time 'O year, those loveable KuhNucks Bob & Doug always come to mind, along with thar signature version of a certain Christmas song! And ah One, and Ah two Ladies ‘N Germs…

On the First Day 'O Carmania, 'Ol Carroll Shelby Grumbled Squarely at Me;

Son, Thar better be Juan 'O my Darn Blasted Contraptions in your Pitiful Song!

On the Twelfth Day 'O Carmania, 'Ol shel Grumbled to Thee,

12 Long's Doughnuts

11 X Rows of Shiny Dallara's

10Speeding Ferrari's

Nine BOSS Mustangs

eight 'lil E No. 88 Diecast's

Seven Bars 'O Geddy Lee

VIDEO: RUSh - Where's My Thing

Six Carling Black Labels'

Five Aston Martin DB5's'

four Borg Warner Trophies

three Diamantina Cocktails'

Two Saleen Mustangs

And a Bad Arse 289 FIA Shelby Cobra underneath thou Tree!

As this witty repartee from Thy Isle 'O Nofendersville was inspired by Bob & Doug McKenzie, for which they'd definitely say; Take Off Eh! As this "Song's" Definitely Done, and that Labatts too Hoser!

VIDEO: Bob & Doug McKenzie's 12 Days 'O Christmas - Song

And to All who continue reading thy Blog, and Ah-Waitin’ Thy Return, which is my New Years Goal! Ah Very good Night! Felice Navidad and Merry X-Mas! Since after all, It is the most wonderful; BARF!

See Y'all in 2021, Honest! As I’ve gotta be able to get the IT Boffins to Fix this Gory Blasted Contraption, El Correctomundo?

And Kudos to Blogmeister’ Miguel for continuing to post random No Fenders stories for Mwah…




Right Idea Wrong Team, Wrong Time Right Idea


As guess that’s what happens when Yuhs Step Away from the Intrawoodz’ for a little while. Or le Deush’, aka ESPN2 Whimsically Decides to Change it’s Airtimes, Eh?

As where are Yuhs Doctor John? As you’ll understand why that ‘Ol Tune ‘bout being in the Right Place at the Wrong Time immediately sprang to mind late Friday night (December 4th) after I’d sent my Sports Car Fantasia post the the Printers so to speak, albeit apparently Ye Printing Press on Nofendersville Isle runs on Island Times itself, Hya!

VIDEO: Dr. John – Right Place, Wrong Time

Although Kudos to Blogmeister Miguel who’s continued posting my few No Fenders rants whenever possible! Due to Ye Myriad ‘O Confuzer Technology issues continuously Swamping your Head Scribe Tomaso’s “log cabin” on thoust Isle of Nofendersville, but I digress!

Alas, I Burst Out laughing when hearing the News via my NFB Newsline for The Blind’s ESPN Online Motorsports Headlines section that Jimmy Johnson and a different All Star Cast would be piloting the #48 Action Express Racing’s (AXR) Caddilac Dpi VR at the fast approaching 2021 24 Hours of Daytona, slated for January 30-31.

As Silly Me! Thinking that just because ‘Ol JJ’, nee Jimmy Johnson had joined forces with Thee Cheepster’, nee Chip Ganassi to pilot the eponymous Chip Ganassi Racing (CGR) Championship Calibre Squad’s newly anointed #48 Dallaran/Honda IndyCar beginning in 2021 on the Twisties’ portion of the NTT IndyCar Series calendar, nee Temporary Street Circuits & Permanent Road Courses. Whith his “Good Budddy” TK’ Follow-your-Schnoz! Kanaan running the Ovals - He’d be racing the 3.56 mile Daytona International Speedway’s road course for CGR this coming January.

Instead Johnson will be contesting the Rolex 24 aboard one Bad Arse Motor Finger’ of a Caddy’ from a Brother of a Different Mother’s All Star Driving line-up! As Jimmy will be joined behind the Keyboard of his borrowed number 48 Prototype’s mount with Symone’, nee Pageantry’, aka Simon Pagenaud, the 2019 Indianapolis 500 Winner and 2016 IndyCar Series Champion. Mike Rocky’ rockenfeller, a previous Rolex 24 winner, ironically with AXR in 2010. Plus Overall victory in the 2010 24 Heurs du Mans, alon with being the 2013 DTM Champion.

Last but certainly Not least of this AXR Mega’ Driver’s Quartet is One of my favourite Under-appreciated Sports Car Aces, affectionately known here at No Fenders simply as “K Squared,” aka Kamui Kobayashi who sports two Rolex time-pieces from winning the 2019-2020 Daytona 24 Hours with Wayne Taylor Racing. (WTR)

As Paul Miller Racing, who campaigns a Lamborghini Huracan GT3 Evo in the GT Daytona (GTD) class, will loan it’s traditional car number 48 to Johnson and Action Express Racing’s effort, run in conjunction with Hendrick Motorsports to honour the Seven Times NASCAR Champion.

Meanwhile the reigning Cup Champion Chase Elliot who’ll also be racing in the 2021 Rolex 24, will presumably be making his Sports Car Prototypes Debut when he Co-Drives the team’s Full-season mount, the #31 Whelend Engineering Caddy’ with it’s Drivers Pipo Derani and Felipe Nasr, joined by Mike “Ice-Ice, Baby!” Conway Me Thinks.

Thus, Chip Ganassi Racing will certainly only be running it’s lone Caddilac Dpi VR at Daytona with Haas F1 Team Castoff Kevin Bacon’ Magnussen and Renger van der Zande. While Arse-sumedly Scotty thee Iceman 2.0’ Dixon will be it’s Endurance Rounds Chauffeur, leaving me to guess that Tony Kanaan will be it’s fourthHot Schue’ at Day-Toner’, Eh?

Right Bat Channel…But once again, the Wrong Time! As I just naturally Arse-sumed that Formula 1 would be on at Oh DARK-30’, and although quite curious over how George Russell would perform in Lewis Hamilton’s Merc’, I hadn’t planned on getting up to watch Bahrain’s Double Header’s Sekir GP Qualifying session. Yet my internal clock wouldn’t let me sleep, so I decided I might as well get up at 6:20AM to “Watch,” Err listen to the end of Qualie’ Saturday morning.

Turning on Thy Telie’, I was immediately Cornfuzed’ over Martin Billybob’ Brundle talking leisurely from one of the track’s corners before they went to commercial, which they Don’t do during live Qualifying. So I had to Chuckle over having guessed that the listing for F1 Racing from 5:55-7AM Pacific was the third F1 Practice session instead.

And with 2hrs and 10mins remaining for la Scuderia (Ferrari) to change ‘lil Syd’ viddle’s Power Unit, nee PU, I’d get to watch the entire Qualie’ session Commercial Free at a Uber’ pleasing 8:55AM instead!

As naturally the Debate will still be raging on over the Off Season regarding Russell’s magnificent performance in Golden Child’s mount, the All conquering Mercedes W11

As Russell at 6-feet 2-inches tall, is quite a bit taller than Lewis Hamilton, as the 22yr Old Russell even had to resort to wearing Driving Boots one size too Small for him to fit into Hamilton’s cockpit!

As we know that George qualified P2 behind Valtteri Bottas on Pole by 0.026 of a second! Not to mention simply Waxing Valtteri in the race, that Russell clearly should have Won on his Werks’ Mercedes F1 Debut!

But Mercedes had what Team Principal Toto Wolff said on TV. I know I’m Not supposed to say this but it was a Collosal Fuck Up! Regarding the team’s attempt at Double Stacking it’s cars during the Safety Car period ironically caused by Jack Aiken substituting in Russell’s normal Team Willy’, nee Williams F1 mount!

As we All know that Mercedes uncharacteristically got it All Wrong, putting Bottas Front tyres on Russell’s Merc’, which is strictly Verbotten! As it just went All Pear shaped for both Mercedes Drivers from there, leading to a very popular Debutante Win for Sergio Perez after 10yrs and 190 Starts in Formula 1!

And while I won’t dispute that Lewis Hamilton’s an Amazingly talented Driver, I still Bristle over his Arrogant Quote after winning the Turkish Grand Prix ‘bout how now you cannot say it’s just the car, as I lapped my team-mate today who’s in a similar car.

Uhm, Excuse me Lewis, but it is the Car! And would you be cleaning Nico Rosberg’s Clock weekly if he was still your team-mate? As Bottas is NO Slouch, but it’s painfully clear that he’s just a No. 2 Driver who’s not only had rotten luck, but I’d surmise has been Beaten Down by Toto Wolff Always putting things in your favour Lewis!

As Don’t get me Wrong, Hamilton’s abundantly talented behind the wheel, whilst Russell was eager to seize his golden opportunity. As the lanky Brit has plenty of talent himself, having won both of today’s FIA Formula 3 and Formula 2 championships before graduating to Formula 1 with Team Willy’ as a Mercedes Junior driver.

But like Max Verstappen has said previously I believe. How many other Drivers on the F1 Grid would Blitz the field in the Mercedes? And would we be “Lionizing” Sir Lewis if he’d been driving the Williams All thise years instead?

Wednesday, December 9, 2020

Sports Car Fantasia

Could It Happen? Only time will tell…

Otay, so this is just pure 100% conjecture, but; That’s what All of us “Bench Racers” and lowly Bloggers do during the Off-season, even if Thars still two Formula 1 races remaining.

By now, I’m Arse-suming Y’all have heard the News that Kevin Bacon’ Magnussen will become a Tintops’ Driver next year, after the announcement that the Danish F1 Pilote’ who’s lost his drive at Haas F1 for 2020 will b moving Stateside in 2021.

As Magnussen will race for Thee Cheepster’, nee Chip Ganassi Racing’s rebooted IMSA Weathertech SportsCar Championship team, campaigning a Caddilac VR Daytona Prototype International (Dpi) machine, albeit I’ve got Zero Clue if this will be the ex-Wayne Taylor Racing (WTR) mount?

And I’ve also either read on perhaps? Or Heard somewhere that Chase Elliott will contest next year’s Rolex 24, presumably for Caddilac since he’s a GM Driver. While we know that NASCAR Seven Times Champion Jimmy Johnson will be making his IndyCar debut for CGR next year on the Twisties’, while TK’ Follow-your-Schnoz! Kanaan will drive Jimmy’s #48 Dallara/Honda IndyCar for the Ovals, including the Indianapolis 500 the next two years.

Thus where am I going with this you may be asking? And like I said before it’s just total Speculation, but! How Cool would it be if Cheep’ were to run a second Caddy’ Prototype at next year’s Daytona 24 Hours?

As this All Star entry would featurer Jimmy Johnson, chase Elliott, Tony Kanaan and Scott Dixon at it’s controls! While Ganassi’s primary season-long Caddilac would see it’s two regular drivers Kevin Magnussen and Renger van der Zande joined by CGR’s other two IndyCar Schues’ Marcus Ericsson and CGR Newcomer Alex Palou.

As the second Caddilac VR Dpi could come from and be run by Juncos Racing, who I believe still has their #54 Caddy’ Dpi parked in it’s Indianapolis, Err Speedway Shop, Righto?

Yeah I know, we shouldn’t ask too much for Christmas, as it’s just a wishful thought. Although I’m also hoping to hear where Ryan Briscoe winds up? Since he’s the driver who needs a ride the most after being let go by WTR…