Monday, August 30, 2010

Scooters invade Speedway

(Team Honda/Moriwaki Moto2 Motorcycle; Source: American Honda)

URGH! In my haste to poond aways upon ze keyboard last week... In order to complete this story “Just-in-Time” for my departure to Indianapolis, I managed to delete the whole FREAKIN’ story; SHEISA! But I digress...

Yeah, that’s right; you’re Humble Scribe is currently in Speedway, Indiana... Having just taken in the MOTO GP event at The Brickyard! But I don’t have NO way to post from my remote locale, nor can I TWITTER miize Hearts-away... So Y’all will just haveda wait ‘til I return later this week, right?

And as I mentioned before, I originally chose to record Wind Tunnel over the Indy Car Series race from Sonoma in order to capture the interview with the mercurial Ben Spies, also known as ‘ELBOWZ – allegedly due to his elbows-out riding style... As I’ve been enthralled by Messer Spies since watching him rocket onto the World Superbike scene enroute to capturing the title in his Rookie campaign before making the jump to MOTO GP.

As I liken to contrast the FIM MOTO GP as the Formula 1 of Motorcycle Road racing... It was entertaining to listen to myself trying to explain what just exactly MOTO GP was to a complete novice who most likely has ZERO interest in Motorsports... Oh? Is that like Motocross? NO! Hmm? How do you explain what F1 is to somebody who’s only ever heard of RASSCAR – BARF! Nah, they’re the Primadonna’s ‘O Road Racing Motorcycles; Carbon fibre frames & Swingarms... What’s a Swingarm? Uhm... They go over 200mph and AREN’T Street legal... Probably could go faster but I believe they’re designed for going fastest from corner-to-corner... So they’re like Streetbikes accept NOT legal – right? Correct... And this concludes my attempt at explaining what a MOTO GP ‘Scooter is!

Thus I’m metaphorically ‘GEEKED! Over getting to attend my very first ever MOTO GP event during my weekend at Indianapolis, where I’ll get to check out Messer Spies going Mano-e-Mano against the other luminary riders “The Doctor, (Valentino Rossi) the “Texas Tornado,” (Colin Edwards) Casey Stoner, “The Kentucky Kid,” (Nicky Hayden) Randy de Puniet, George Lorenzo, Dani Pedrosa, Andrea Dovizioso and the rest of the supporting cast at the Brickyard! Albeit they’ll most likely just be pebblish-sized coloured specs to your Low Vision ‘Vurd Botcherer BloodHoond...

Meanwhile much has changed since the beginning of the season way back in April, albeit Spies seemingly has had the most impressive campaign of the three competing ‘Yanks; scoring his maiden Podium on the new ‘Supersized Silverstone Circuit and then capturing his maiden Front row start at the last round in the Czech Republic. While I’m guessing Teammate Colin Edwards of the newly christened Monster Yamaha Tec 3 Twah – per SPEED’s Greg Kramer hasn’t exactly had the season he’d want to remember... While once again Nicky Hayden seems to be getting dusted off by soon-to-be ex-Teammate Casey Stoner.

As the ‘Aussie (Stoner) started the 2011 “Silly Season” Dominoes falling by announcing his decision to move to Repsol Honda next year before Valentino Rossi was lured to Ducati, whilst it should be confirmed at Indy that Hayden will remain as the Italian’s Teammate next year. Thus, Yamaha declared that if The Doctor left, it would immediately elevate Spies into his vacated seat alongside soon-to-be newly crowned MOTO GP World Champion George Lorenzo...

Meanwhile the MOTO2 category is getting much press with the FIM allowing 1993 GP500 World Champion Kevin Schwantz to use his retired number 34 plate for his Team Honda/Moriwaki’s MOTO2 entry, as Roger Lee Hayden (Nicky & Tommy Hayden’s younger Brother) will race at the Red Bull Indianapolis GP on a Wildcard entry...

Formula One’s Two Wheelers Kick off 2010 Season in Qatar

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Old Seadog Tribute

Fortunately, late Monday night... When I should have been watching ‘Dem Tennessee Titans beat-up upon the Arizona Cardinals... I just couldn’t stand it and had to take ‘Juan last lookee-see ‘round BloggerLand... And although I don’t peruse it Daily, I dropped by PopOff Valve and was very surprised to learn ‘bout the unexpected Death of a fellow Blogger; SHEISA!

And I too, like Tony didn’t personally know the late, Great Marc Boland – the guiding force behind Full Throttle... But I did interact with him occasionally electronically, as his Witticism ‘N Snarkiness were always waiting to be dispatched whenever I would occasionally borrow ‘Juan of his stories...

Thanks Tony, as Marc will be missed in BloggerLand ‘N Beyond; as I’ll try to do a proper Sendoff upon returning from Indy next week...

Requiem for a blogger

Fisher to carry Colours of Hope

Thanks to Indiana’s very own ‘Carpets for making me Hip to the fact that Sarah Fisher... Whose Back for the next two Ovals ‘N beyond... Will proudly be carrying the colours of Team Contributor and Crewmember Carey Hall at Chicagoland and Kentucky...

And now I know why I had such a hard time findin’ it... (SHUSH DANNY!) As I’d originally scribbled ‘bout Messer Hall’s diagnosis of ALS, more commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease in a piece titled INDY 500: FAZZT Feel Good MoJo continues...

As IndyStar Reporter Phillip B Wilson did a nice story on him this past May; Sarah will now carry the banner Carey’s Hope on her No. 67 Racecar’s Rear Wing at the next two races to help raise awareness of this dreaded disease...

Sarah Fisher To Carry The Colors Of Carey’s Hope At Chicago And Kentucky

F1’s 30 Greatest Battles?

This has been floundering ‘round in the No Fenders Mailbox... Never heard of the Blogsite, nor have I reviewed their picks; but you may wish to check it out in order to ‘Rev up your Formula 1 engines...

F1 30 Greatest Battles

Rubino to crack the 300 GP barrier

This weekend’s Belgian Grand Prix, as thankfully Formula 1 is back, will see F1 Veteran ‘Rubino, a.k.a. Rubens Barrichello make Grand Prix history... As I cannot think of a more befitting venue then the mighty Spa Francorchamps for the affable Brazilian to become the Sports very first-ever Gran Primo Piloto to make 300 Formula One starts... Although according to ‘WICKEDpedia, it’ll only be his 300th Grand Prix entry and reputedly he’ll make the magic number of 300 starts at Suzuka, Japan, so – You make the Call!

Nevertheless, let this monstrous accomplishment sink in a moment – Eh! As I can still fondly recall ‘Ol Rubino’s Grand Prix Debutant season behind the wheel of an ultra ‘Sharp lookin’ Sasol Jordan-Hart V10 Wayback in 1993; Aye Karumba! As I believe the only other Driver on today’s Grid driving back then was some Cat named Schumacher... As in a one Mr. Michael Schumacher,

As Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen exclaimed ‘RIGHT ON! Proclaiming that Rubens should at least own one record that DER TERMINATOR, nee M. Schumacher doesn’t! Albeit it was once thought that NOBODY would ever crack Riccardo Patrese’s Uber-stout record of 256 Grand Prix starts... As Patrese has now slipped down the leaderboard to P3; behind Rubino and M. Schumacher, who’s working on his 262nd GP start this weekend... The sight of his very first-ever F1 victory Wayback in 1992...


And although I’d LUV to have ‘Juan, I DON’T do TWIT-er... So I won’t even be able to say all I got was a lousy T-Shirt!

Barrichello’s 300th GP T shirt

F1: 2010 Rookie Class

So with only two weeks to go, we still didn’t know the identities of the Campos Meta 1 line-up, nor the diminishing chances of seeing the USF1 squad in 2010, or if the upstart Stefan GP would take its place?

Thus, now that we’ve just passed the Resources Restrictions mandatory Summer Break... I thought I’d better publish this before the year was over, eh? As so-far there are a total of six Rookie Gran Premio Piloto’s this season in Formula 1, albeit one isn’t a “True” Rookie, having contested the final two Grand Prix’s last year… Nevertheless here’s a quick look at this year’s Rookie F1 crop.

Nico Hulkenberg: Germany (No. 10)
The 22yr old German began racing Go Karts at the age of 10, ultimately winning the 2002 Junior Karting title and the 2003 Kart Championship. He then progressed to the Formula BMW German series in 2005, where he made his single seater debut, which he dominated enroute to the title… His manager Willi Weber, who was previously some chap named Michael Schumacher’s… Also won the 2005 Formula BMW World Championships, but was DQ’ED for allegedly brake testing his rivals during a Safety Car period.

The “Incredible Hulk” next contested the defunct A1GP Championship, helping Team Germany claim the 2006-07 Crown, where he scored the series most victories. (9) He also contested the German Formula 3 series before moving on to win the Formula 3 Euroseries title in 2008 on the strength of seven wins. In 2009 he became only the second GP2 driver to win the title in his debut season, the other being somebody named Lewis Hamilton.

Vitaly Petrov: Russia (No. 12)
“At 25yrs old, Vitaly is the very first ever Russian to compete in formula 1, having begun his racing career a bit differently as there wasn’t much Karting in his home region. Instead Vitaly started racing in 2001 in the Russia Lada Cup and won every single event the following year enroute to claiming the 2002 title.

Next he moved to the Italian Formula Renault Series where he finished 19th, before scoring his first victory in the British Formula Renault winter series and finished fourth overall.

For 2004-05, Vitaly returned home to Russia and contested the new Lada Revolution Cup, finishing runner-up his first season and winning the title in ’05 with 10 wins, along with also capturing the Formula 1600 title with 5 wins. Petrov then moved on to Formula 3000 and had mixed results, before moving up to GP2 Asia and ultimately GP2 where he finished as runner-up last season to Nico Hulkenberg.

Hispania Racing F1 Team
Karun Chandhok: India (No. 20)

this 26yr old Indian will become his nation’s second Formula 1 driver behind Narain Karthikeyan (Jordan, 2005) upon being confirmed at the renamed Campos Meta 1 Team just a scant 10 days prior to the Grand Prix season opener in Bahrain.

Karun won the 2001 Formula Asia Championship along with capturing the inaugural Formula Asia V6 by Renault Crown in 2006. In-between he competed in British Formula 3 and even bested his protégé Karthikeyan in the World Series by Nissan in 2004. The following year Chandhok became the very first native to drive for Team India in the A1GP series.

From 2007-09, Chandhok has contested the GP2 Championship, having taken three victories as well as being Bruno Senna’s teammate at I Sport International Team in ’08. Not surprisingly, Uncle Bernaughty has long been championing Karun’s form, claiming to be a fan of his as Messer Ecclestone now has his prized driver “Just-in-Time” for the forthcoming Indian Grand Prix.

Bruno Senna: Brazil (No. 21)
The name says it all, as the 26yr old Brazilian is finally set to hopefully follow in the foot steps of his famous uncle, whose name was Ayrton, who reputedly used to brag about how good his nephew was.

Yet with Ayrton’s untimely death in 1994, Bruno’s fledgling racing career came to a screeching halt as his family insisted upon his curtailing his motorsports activities. Thus it would be a further 10yrs before Bruno resumed action behind the wheel, having begun by sampling his uncle’s Lotus 98T mount in a demonstration run in Interlagos in 2004, as the 1986 Lotus car was given as a gift to Bruno at Imola on the 10th Anniversary of his uncle’s death, along with contesting six rounds of the Formula BMW UK Championship for Carlin Motorsports.

Bruno next contested the British F3 International Championship for Raikkonen Robertson Racing during 2005-06, finishing 10th overall the first year and third overall the latter, with five wins while finishing behind teammate Mike Conway and Oliver Jarvis, with Conway winning the title.

Senna next dabbled in some Sports Car driving, contesting the Porsche SuperCup round in Monte Carlo as a Guest and then later on won both rounds of the Ferrari Challenge Trofeo Pirelli aboard a F430 at Silverstone, held as part of the Scuderia’s 60th Anniversary celebrations, which Senna ran during a four week break during GP2 competition.

For 2007-08, Senna competed in the GP2 series, now targeting Formula 1 in 2009, as Bruno was being mentored by his uncle’s friend & teammate Gerhard Berger. Bruno drove for Christian Horner’s Red Bull backed Arden International during his debut season and scored one win before switching to I Sport International in 2008, who he drove for in both the GP2 Asia & GP2 Championships. In his GP2 sophomore season, Bruno scored victory at Monaco, with the Senna name being atop the podium in the Principality for the first time in 15yrs, although Bruno was also the victim of the bizarre incident in Istanbul where he accidently struck a wayward pooch and ultimately finished runner-up in the championship.

Although Bruno had tested for the Honda F1 Team and had hopes of driving for them, Ross Brawn chose Rubens Barrichello instead for his wealth of experience, especially with the Testing Ban in place. Senna considered racing in the DTM before testing an Oreca LMP1 Racecar and ultimately drove for the Team at Le Mans as well as the LMS Championship, while waiting to renew his Formula 1 ambitions in 2010…

BMW Sauber
Kamui Kobayashi: Japan (No. 23)

This 23yr old Japanese racer, the son of a Sushi chef, who was worried that he’d be forced to return to waiting tables for his father’s restaurant... Like many began Karting at the age of nine and spent seven years in the Go Kart ranks amassing four Championships before moving into the single seater class as a member of Toyota’s young driver program. In 2004 Kamui contested Formula Renault in the Asian, German, Italian and Dutch series, and with six wins apiece, he won the 2005 European and Italian Formula Renault titles.

Kobayashi next progressed into Formula 3 Euroseries, where he spent the next two years, and along with being named one of Toyota’s F1 Test Drivers, he also “Broke his Duck” by winning the F3 race at Magny Cours in 2007.

For 2008-09 Kobayashi contested the GP2 Asia & GP2 Championships, claiming victory at the Circuit de Catalonia, along with capturing the GP2 Asia Crown in his sophomore season, while his GP2 form wasn’t as great before being called up to substitute for ToyotaF1’s Timo Glock, albeit first practicing for the then sick German in Suzuka, but wasn’t allowed to race.

Then Glock who had a nasty crash in the Japanese Grand Prix was replaced by Kamui for the Brazilian and Abu Dabi rounds, where he finished a fine sixth place in the latter, which was to be Toyota’s very last formula 1 race.

Kobayashi was electrifying in his first two F1 races, as I found him to be the revelation of the season, albeit it appeared his time in the spotlights would be cut short by Toyota’s decision to leave the sport… Yet Kamui caught Peter Sauber’s eye and has landed a seat at the reconstituted BMW Sauber F1 Team for 2010, with the Sauber C29-Ferrari’s having been fast during Pre-season testing, although I suspect the Proof-in-the Pudding will be seeing if he can continue to impress this season, eh?

Virgin Racing
Lucas di Grassi: Spain (No. 25)

This 25yr old Brazilian finished as the 2007 GP2 runner-up behind Championship winner Timo Glock, who’s now his teammate at the new-for-2010 Virgin Racing Team, conceived from Manor Motorsport in England.

From a modest Karting career, di Grassi graduated to Brazil’s Formula Renault series where he was runner-up in 2002 before moving onto Formula 3 the following year, where he once again was runner-up in the South American category.

He then contested the European and British F3 categories, scoring two victories in British F3 and finishing third overall behind the dominant pairing of Lewis Hamilton and Adrian Sutil, along with winning the prestigious Macau Grand Prix in 2005 with Manor Motorsport.

Next di Grassi moved up to GP2 from 2006-08, driving for three different Teams along with scoring three victories before being signed as a Renault F1 Test Driver and then ultimately landing the second race seat at Virgin F1...

Monday, August 23, 2010

The last Road Course Hurrah

So I left a day late ‘N got back Dazes earlier... Or was that day late ‘N dollar short? Oh Never Mind... As once again I enjoyed another glorious outing at THEE Mountain! As in Mount Rainier... As it was another perfect outing; ‘Ol Harry Woppler missed-out on the weather forecast again! (Thankfully another WRONG Weather forecast predicted...) Ode to an ex-Northwest Weatherman, as they’d predicted Thunderstorms yesterday...

And all survived another trip on the paved trails of the park as your low-vision Scribe managed to keep 90-years young ‘Auntie Harriet ‘N wheelchair on the crushed ‘AshPhalt at ALL times! Only ran into a few tree branches; Hya!

And thus, still firmly ensconced in the 20th Century... As the Comcast MUNSTER has forced Mwah to be able to only record one channel at a time upon the collector’s edition VCR that must run thru the ALL KNOWING DiggIT-Tul Telescreen Box... I originally chose to record TSR (The Speed Report) & Wind Tunnel over the Versus Indy Car race at Sonoma, CA, since I’ve been quite enamored by that new ‘N improved “Texas Toranadoe” Ben Spies, who was a featured guest of Ye ‘Ol Windbag’s (Dave Despain) Sunday night, ever since he rocketed onto the World Superbike scene and stole the Crown from favoured rider “Nitro Nori” (Noriyuki Haga) As Spies was on Wind Tunnel in order to get Y’all ‘AMPED ‘bout the upcoming MOTO GP race at Indianapolis next weekend...

Sorry ‘bout ‘Dat Bob, Robbie ‘N Jon; ‘nuthin against Yoose... Just more interested in “Captain kOOL!” Err Messer Spies vs. the ICS right now, even if it’s the very last Twisty of the year – CRAP! But fortunately I got to hitch a ride back home Friday night in a BIG ‘Ol Caddy – NO! IT AIN’T Pink... As it’s actually a very comfy ride in a General Motors product of the early 1990’s; but I digress...

And thus I woke up Saturday morning thinking it was Sunday... FRICK! Why isn’t there any news upon the Indy Car Qualifying? Not even my ‘Ol reliable Bloggaratzi has anything’s to say; Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot! Hmm? Oh Geez! Perhaps it’s only Saturday instead? OOPS!

So I would actually get to take in the whole BLOODY Play-by-Play of the Sonoma Indy Car Series weekend... Where hopefully the “Toowoomba Toranadoe,” a.k.a. Will Power would kick ARSE and take NO prisoners! As I really wanna see him win the 2010 Overall Crown, not just some silly Road Cup trophy!

So I WEREN’T surprised... As I’ve already scribbled about another glorious attempt to listen to the Indy Lights via le Confuzer... And NO! It AIN’T my Confuzer... (Yet, as I’m hoping its still gotta few more years ‘O shelve-life left in it!) But I did get to listen to the FULL MONTY, Err Indy Car ‘BIG BOYZ Final Fast-Six ‘Qualie Shootout of 2010 and was relieved to have Power throw down the gauntlet after having unusually slipped out of the fastest six in Session-2 when he was told to roll thru Pitlane and go back out and do another flyer... Jumping from P7 to P4 “Just-in-Time” to advance to the final round where he BROKE HULIO’S 2007 ICS record for most Poles – having been tied at seven apiece; Way Too Go Will! You’re the Man! As perhaps it’s just me, but I think Power’s got Castroneves number... As Hulio once again sounded flat after finishing runner-up and once again didn’t ever mention Will’s name during the Post-qualifying interview... HA-HA! POOR HULIO!

Thus Sunday morning I tuned into the IMS Radio Network via my Indy Car Nation Bookmarked page and viola... It worked! As I got to listen to the whole enchilada, Err Indy Lights race with only one glitch where 3-laps were lost due to another Brownout... As I had to laugh as it felt like even ‘Ol Mike “Yippee-Aye-Eh!”King got in on the action... Saying the Code word for today’s Indy Lights race for Downforce members was wine... NOT W-H-INE, but wine; Hya!

Carneros 100 Indy Lights Live Blog
Then I spent the first 45mins tunin’ OUT the Versus Preamble, as there was a much more exciting race on SPEED from Road America, where the American Le Mans Series was competing... As I was Bummed to haveda flip back over to Versus in order to watch the start of the Indy Car race at 5:45PM New York time... And thus dually watched the entire race... Which I’m still a bit perplexed over Ganassi not employing Team Orders to enable Franchitti to finish second... Although I guess the coded instructions to Dixon from ‘Cheep; This is Chip – You know what to do – copy that? Apparently hoping that Scott Dixon could take the win away from Power... who’s simply been the FASTEST upon the Twisties this year, albeit I’m glad that TCGR is still lettin’ it’s Boyz race... As Surprise-Surprise, the finishing order saw the Top 5-positions filled by the three Penskes and two Ganassi’s: Power, Dixon, Franchitti, Castroneves and Briscoe, as Justin ‘BIG UNIT Wilson was the first of the NON-BIG 3 Teams (Penske, Ganassi and Andretti) in sixth position...

Then for a nightcap I listened to the Speed Freaks, who had a nauseatingly long dribble on ‘bout RASSCAR Drivers and what intro-theme Musak they chose for their introductions at Bristol; WHO CARES??? Although per usual, the Statmann was brilliant when claiming that perhaps Elliot Sadler was still hearing the Space Odyssey theme after his big wreck at Pocono; Hya!

As I swore they said they were gonna have the winner from Sonoma on... Having teased Will Power endlessly last time ‘bout his RAPPING skills ‘N Moonwalkin’ as Power retorted he’d go for the Big Air Skateboard event at the X-Games ‘cause Roger doesn’t mind things like that...

SWEET! It was ‘J-Dub, nee Justin Wilson instead... Who first answered Kenny Sargent’s goofball question ‘bout what intro theme music Wilson would pick? Before asking him what theme he’d choose for ‘Ralfanso, nee Ralf Schumacher – the famous brother of Michael... To which Justin coyly shot back; perhaps you should ask Montoya ‘bout that! EXCELLENT Justin... Whilst Kenny suggested “The BITCH is Back” by Elton John?

SPEED FREAKS: Justin Wilson interview
And I’d haveda agree with Crash Gladys’s assessment about the ALMS race being the best of the weekend as Johnny Cocker came from behind to take the victory over the Porsche RS Spyder and Honda ARX-01C in the final corners in his Lola/Judd V-10...

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Busch’ll in Bristol

So the phone rang with 34 laps remaining in last night’s RASSCAR event from Bristol, Tennessee... With some Dude named Kyle Busch laeding, good I remarked, as I hoped that ‘Roundy Round BAD BOY Kyle Busch would do the unthinkable and become the very first ever driver to win ALL three events at one track on the same weekend... As Busch had already taken the Pickem-Up Trucks race Wednesday night and then apparently deliberately Spun-out his Dancin’ Pardner Brad Keselowski enroute to winning the DoubleWide Lites event Friday night.

Oh, Busch is leading with 4-laps remaining... Blah-blah-blah; HE WON! WTF? It was just four laps remaining... Uh, it’s only ‘bout 16 seconds a lap... So I wryly inquired; does that mean it’ll be known as the Busch’ll? Uze knows, I heard ‘Ol Robin Miller call it the Chip’ll after Ganassi won three races over the Mid Ohio weekend... Albeit I don’t know if Robin came up with ‘Dat or borrowed it from someones else?

Way to go Kyle! As I still say he was genuinely BUMMED when he was forced to forgo testing a Toyota F1 chassis when RASSCAR mandated he positively attend some minor Awards banquet...

IMS internetz Blues!

Once again, it’s time for another No Fenders installment of try listening to an IMS Radio Network Broadcast via le internets... As it just continues to amaze the SHIT outta Mwah how in the world Indy Car ever expects to cultivate any sort of Tech-savvy Youth market if their Webcast is a veritable pieco du CRAPOID! As here’s another Blow-by-Blow recap of your STEAMED ‘Vurd Botcherer’s attempt to listen to the final Indy Lights Qualifying session from Sonoma, CA.

At 1; 28PM Seattle-time; NOT to be ‘Cornfuzed with New York/Indy Time, I logged onto my Bookmarked IMS IndyCar Radio Broadcast Webpage and was pleasantly surprised to ‘Hook-up on the first attempt, as some CHEEZY Commercial dribbled on before the program said welcome to the Edmonton Indy Race, I’m Mike King as he digressed thru the opening stages of the race, with Davey STUD! Hamilton chiming in on Lap 9 before they broke into duress over Tomas “Rockem-Sockem” Scheckter running into trouble on Lap 10 before the Webcast went BLANK! OH FUCK! Here’ we go again... Time for the ‘ROPE-A-DOPE! As they DUMPED the program at 1:30PM; SHEISA! (4:30PM New York Time – I Believe...)

Hence, I began the now all too familiar ritual of logging off and retrying to connect to the broadcast via the Indy Nation and Home page... Before ‘bout the fourth try I got a connection that momentarily came-in around volume 43; trying to break BOTH my eardrums ‘N Confuzer speakers before it subsided to a barely audible noise with ‘Mega static, buzz in’ and humming on the line... As I listened to Mark “Gravelly” James thru the static pronounce there were 36 of the 45 minutes remaining... CRIKEYS! Yuhs means I’ve already MISSED the sessions first NINE minutes...

Yet deciding it was wiser(?) to suffer thru the Feedback vs. trying to gain a clearer signal for fear of losing the broadcast once again... Yet le internets decided for me as suddenly once again the Webcast was DROPPED! Oh FiddleStix!

Thus from 1:46 to 1:59PM I could NOT gain an internets connection to the Indy Lights ‘Qualie session as I started fuming as the F%%KING silly ARSE Indy Car Nation Webpage said You’re listening to the Firestone Indy Lights Qualifying session “LIVE” from the Grand Prix of Sonoma... NO I’m NOT YOOSE BLOODY GOOBERS!!! As it only took three Reboot’s, seven logon’s and a RIDICULOUS 13mins to regain connection to this riveting Webcast; URGH!

Hmm? 13minutes; as in the Lucky number thirteen which is perfect for!

And thus suddenly after 13mins of FRUSTRATION... Mark James voice was crispy clear before Jake Query went on a very long dissertation with ‘Plowie’s Mum Anita over the trials ‘N tribulations of son Martin Plowman’s racing career, as with six minutes remaining, ‘Plowie was stranded in the Pits with Electrical Gremlins... Hmm? Perhaps ‘Dem Lucas Lectrics had jumped the gap from to the No. 27 of ‘Plowies car, just sayin; Oh Never Mind! Before I finally got to learn the Driver’s relative Qualifying order with 3mins remaining... As J.K. Vernay secured his third Pole Position of the season...

Mark James:
“Join us at the bottom of the Hour...” (For Indy Car Qualifying)

‘Whale Obviously I’d really like to do so if your Uber P-O-S internets webcast will actually connect to the World Wibe Web thingy; Ja Volt!

As Sufferin’ Succotash! Carefully re-opening the IndyCar Nation Bookmark page and clicking upon the tiny Yes link at 2:28PM Seattle time; SHEISA! Mark James ‘N Mike “Yippee-Aye-Eh!” King were already blatherin’ away... Whilst a third unknown voice was adding his two cents worth – wunder Who’s Dat? As it’d take several minutes before Messer King said the name Arie and then further denoted it was Arie Luyendyk Jr. As WTF? I ‘gottsta listens to the WHOLE FRILLIN’ streamin’ Webcast; Aye Karumba! As apparently the Fog’s lifting allowed for the Broadcast signal to link-up correctly with ‘Juan ‘O ‘Dem Tin-can thingys high above Earth’s upper Atmosphere, eh? NO idea if it’ll work for the Indy Lights race Sunday?

Saturday, August 21, 2010

IndyCar – You’ve Got Problems...

This just in from the No Fenders “Rainbows ‘N Bunnies” Department, especially after Edward “The Goose” Gossage stirred-up the proverbial Media Pot by calling SMOKE ON! Over his RALLY-RALLY-RALLY-B-I-G! Press Conference, which ‘Ol Robin Miller hyped as a “Throwback” ‘O Michigan Days, circa 1970’s, whatever that means, eh? Although somehow I guessed it correctly, albeit having scoured my CART Racing Book many times for information upon the series and having noticed they begun with Double Headers...

And perhaps I’ve taken a few bits ‘O WordSpeak outta context from various Esteemed IndyCar members; BUTT I’ve still got a few thingy’s stickin’ in my craw, and since it’s the In-FIIN-eon race weekend which many out ‘Dar in BloggerLand seem to enjoy calling Snorhoma... What better time then now to post this most excellent piece, right?

While I certainly applaud Randy Bernard’s attitude “N effort, just really wonder where this ‘Juan-liner came from that I heard him say on one of the very view IMS Radio Broadcast’s that actually WORKED!

Randy Bernard:
“This AIN’T a Rich Man’s Sport!”

This sound bite was played in response to the endless debate upon The Wanderin’ Milka, Err Milkalicious, a.k.a. Milka Duno. Umm? Has Mr. Bernard ever heard the phrase: To end-up with a small fortune in Racing – You need to begin with a LARGE Fortune... As in Motor Racing has ALWAYS been a sport for the RICH and will remain so for the foreseeable future. As (Michael Andretti?) claimed it costs $400,000 “Large” per race weekend to run an IndyCar while they were trying to keep Ryan Hunter-Reay employed after the Indy 500 this May...

The Golden Selectric Award
It’s simply HEE-Larious to think ‘bout Mr. Fan Builder, nee John Barnes and his immortal words ‘O wisdom??? You know ‘bout ALL of us 40 something’s with Confuzers getting LOST as it’s the Ten year Olds who’ll determine the future of the Sport...

BarnSpeak: FanBase Building 101

And the Hypocrisy of it was NEVER more evident then upon my recent trek to Edmonton, a scant 1,000+ miles away; SHEISA! Lookie ‘Dar JohnnyBoy, It appears that EVERY stinkin’ child is being accompanied by an Adult – ‘Myself included! As I was still being sent Press Releases via le internets... On those new fashioned gizmos called Computers! By NO less than Panther Racing after Messer Barne’s BRILLIANT statement! CRIKEYS! So Congrat’s Mr. Barnes; Here’s your sign...

The Chrome Horn Award
Why does Messer “GOOSE” Gossage make my head spin? As his words resonated the harshest to Mwah during that overly riveting ICONIC Sparkel’s Show... Umm! Did somebody say Sprinkles?

When is a Dallara NOT a Dallara?

As Big Eddie’s comments made me think of a little yarn I originally scribbled ‘bout Tony G; in my adaptation of Some where’s down that CRAZY River! Really? You’re gonna learn to LUV IT! As here’s a few tidbits from Mr. Gossage’s comments upon the Whoa Nellie 2012 ICS chassis announcement.

Eddie Gossage:
“The committee and the IRL technical staff have developed the concept of 'clothes,' which can be changed to allow different looks for the car.”

“Anyone who does not get on board and help row this boat in one direction clearly has another agenda.”

Now I know I’m twisting this around a bit BUTT! Basically those words made my blood BOIL... Really Mr. Gossage, you’re telling me to GO POUND SAND! If I DON’T get all Happy “N Smiles over the new “Body by Mennen” silhouette era? I mean do you really think we’re that gullible to believe it’s an honest-to-goodness Lotus-Honda IndyCar pounding ‘round the Brickyard? Whatever Dude! Therefore Congratulations Mr. Gossage on being the inaugural No Fenders Chrome Horn recipient, as I believe the Emperor’s Tailor has just finished making your new suit ‘O clothes; Hya!

Brass Bollocks Award
Not sure if I should give this to Brian I.H.J. Braveheart or the Indy Racing League... As I definitely appear to be in the minority upon thinking Hulio wasn’t penalized HARSHLY enough over his Edmonton Hip checking routine... Yet I’m more disappointed by the leagues treatment over Milka duno... As it seemed that the Blogosphere was AGAST that Milkalicious was still running Ontrack at the end of the Mid Ohio race... Uh, she even finished ahead of Takuma Sato; YOUCH!

Although at least Stephanie noticed how the ICS was Flip-Flopping upon Milka’s “Double Secret” Probation, as in pull ‘er in Sweetheart – you’ve been out there for an entire 4-laps now...
BUTT! Haven’t there ALWAYS been Backmarker’s in Open wheel Racing? As a one “King Hiro” immediately comes to mind. And NO! I’m NOT sayin’ Milka isn’t a moving chicane, just I think it’s her very first-ever FULL season campaign and she’s NOT a Twisty specialist... Hmm? Now where did ‘DannaWho finish once again in Lexington? Oh Never Mind!

And lastly, I’m totally bamboozled on how in the HELL does IndyCar intend to promote its Indy Lights series if it CANNOT even list & provide links upon its horrendous internets IndyCar Nation page... As I had to go ‘N HUNT for BOTH days of Mid Ohio Qualifying & Race times in order to listen to it on the IMS Radio Network... And do NOT even get me started ‘bout Portland Eh!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Whale, NOT nearly as clever as Grizzled ‘Journo Joe Saward – who’s Grand Prix blog currently states: Gone Fishin... Your Humble Scribe is off for his yearly trek to Mount Tahoma... More commonly known as Mount Rainier, where said ‘Vurd Botcherer will once again carry out his yearly tradition of pushing Auntie Harriet up the paved trail... Uh, you’re getting a little close to the edge... Turn to the left; NO-NO-NO! The other Left! As hopefully Mother Earth will cooperate and give us sunny weather, Eh! (Or perhaps COOL off just a tad bit please – after our past two record shattering day’s of HIGH temperatures!) As I’ll try to purge ALL thoughts ‘O Motorsports for the day’s outing... Unlike my previous scribbling’s in Cumulonimbus spotting. Yet alas, there’s always some sorta Motor Racing story to tell eh! As I’ll be taking the next few Dazes off...

And hopefully won’t get targeted by any U.S. Fighter Jets making Sonic Booms over the Puget Sound! Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot!%%#$%#^^!!! FUCK-A-DUCK!!! What in the HELL was that??? (Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen shouted into my ear at 1:38PM...)

Fighter jets scramble; sonic booms rattle!

Roger Charlie-Lima-Baker-9-6-4-NINER... The Eagle has left the building! He’s headed Southbound on the incoming Metro bus...


UPDATESo I’m still awaitin’ my Chariot’s arrival... (Wait - There it goes!) As alas, my departure to Mount Tahoma has been slightly delayed – Thus there’ll be NO Indy Car coverage this weekend, as I’ll be basking in the afterglow of another excellent outing at the Mountain! Hmm? Where’s ‘Dat RALLY-RALLY-RALLY B-I-G Announcement from TMS Blowhard Edwardo “The Goose” Gossage, eh? Perhaps he didn’t want to upstage President O’Bama’s trip to Pioneer Square. (Seattle) As Y’all can peruse the Fighter Jets internets link above for news upon those pesky KuhNadiun’s interuptin’ his luncheon...

Back shortly Y’all... Honest!

The other Pruett talks to Dan Gurney

So I don’t catch all of SPEED’s Marshall Pruett’s posts... (Hmm? NO Relation to that venerable Sports Car Ace ‘Scooter?) But I did enjoy his “Chat” with the luminary 79yr old Dan Gurney on the eve of his B-I-G weekend outing at the Monterey Historics...

REUNION: A Conversation With Dan

First we take Bruno... Then Indianapolis

So did Y’all catch those MOTO GP MADMEN at Bruno... NOT to be Cornfuzed with Bruno Senna, but as in the Czech Republic...

As although I watched part of it “LIVE” previously, I’ve now finished watching le Memorex ‘O those MOTO GP ‘LOONS! As it seemed fairly obvious that “HorrHey” Lorenzo was gonna win the race in the Czech Republic... But How ‘bout That ‘ELBOWZ! As Rookie MOTO GP Pilot Ben Spies captured his very first Front Row start! Rolling off second, before slipping backwards to P4 – where he’d ultimately finish ahead of American’s Nicky Hayden and teammate Colin Edwards... Even ahead of The Doctor, nee Valentino Rossi, whose Factory “Works” seat he’ll be inheriting next year...

As Lorenzo led virtually Wire-to-Wire over rival Dani Pedrosa, while Ducati’s Casey Stoner captured the final Podium step, as now the Scooters will come Stateside for the upcoming Red Bull Moto GP Indy Aug 27-29...

Czech easy win for Lorenzo

Monday, August 16, 2010

HYDROS: Seafair 2010 - The Hydros return...

(Spirit of Qatar & Oh Boy Oberto in Seafair Finals; Source: H1

So once again we here in the Pacific Northwest have just celebrated our annual summertime passage Extraordinaire... Fondly known as Seafair, which culminates with the Unlimited Hydroplanes race on Lake Washington with the featured guest being those magnificent Blue Angels who put on a fantastic show over the Hydroplane course; SMOKE ON!

Yet somehow this year it just didn’t quite feel like Seafair around here, as Thus Duh... That nasty global thingy called The Economy looked set to scuttle the event and possibly curtail the entire Unlimited Hydroplane circus? As the yearly race known recently as the Chevrolet Cup lost its sponsorship when Y’all know what happened to “Gov’t” Motors, right? Hey GM: “You sunk my Seafair!”

And aghast! There were even whispers that the Seafair Pirates (another yearly tradition) would be forced to walk-the-plank also due to a scurvious lack of Moolah; CRIKEYS! Shiver Me Timbers Matey’s! And adding insult to injury was the fact that this was the 60th running of Seafair...

Hydroplanes hang on after losing another race in U.S.

Yet thankfully first Dukes Chowder House stepped-up with a $40,000 cash infusion, and then Albert Lee Appliances joined-in to secure the event for a further three years, as the races Title sponsor. Yet the boat count looked somewhat shaky to Mwah this year, as I counted only nine boats slated to run, (originally) which could be down to eight due to the U-25’s major damage at the previous race in Kennewick, WA. As Dr Ken Muscatel claimed that basically half of the boat is unrepairable and they’re working round-the-clock to replace 50% of the boat which might race unpainted? As my quick accounting came prior to the actual race weekend...

Rivalries Heat Up As Seafair Race Approaches

2010 Seafair Friday Qualifying
1. Dave Villwock U-96 Spirit of Qatar 155.888mph.
2. Greg Hopp U-100 Lay's Kettle Cooked 148.701
3. Steve David U-1 Oh Boy! Oberto 148.484
4. J Michael Kelly U-7 Graham Trucking 148.026.
5. Brian Perkins U-21 Albert Lee Appliance 146.368
6. Jeff Bernard U-5 146.100
7. Kip Brown U-17 Miss Red Dot 145.392
8. Jon Zimmerman U-37 Miss Peters & May141.359
9. Mark Evans U-57 Washington Truck Dispatch 137.783
10. Mike Webster U-22 Matrix Systems 136.423.
While Dr Ken Muscatel's U-25 Car Pros and Cal Phipps in the U-13 Miss Jillian's were expected to qualify Saturday morning.
(Source: H1

Yet much has changed since I last tuned-in these once mighty “Beer Wagons” of Yesteryear, as it seems to me that the sport in whole has miserably slid downwards since the demise of Bernie Little and the cancelation of the Budweiser sponsorship, with Miss Budweiser going head to head with the Miller High Life boat way back when...

As I began hunting ‘round le internets for any news of the sports most recent round held in Eastern Washington in Kennewick, part of the Tri Cities region, I was surprised to discover that the venerable Dave Villwock was now piloting the Spirit of Qatar, say what? WTF? And NO! I DON’T have any problemas with that, just that it doesn’t sound like a traditional Unlimited Hydroplane name to Mwah, as unfortunately I’m stuck in the era of Atlas Van Lines, Pride of Pay ‘N Pak, Miss Budweiser, Miss Bardhal, Squire Shop, Oh Boy Oberto, Miss Madison, etc. So I was very surprised by this... But even more surprised to learn that the ABRA, which even that doesn’t sound correct, as I’m used to the acronym APBA (American Power Boat Association) had hosted its very first International race last November at Doha, Qatar.

ABRA to Crown 2009 World Champion in Doha, Qatar

(Kayleigh Perkins Mallory; Source: H1

Meanwhile, Kayleigh Perkins Mallory, who just got married on July 31st, apparently has received a very unique wedding gift from the Oh Boy Oberto camp, as the Unlimited Lights Champion took her very first ever test aboard one of the ‘BIG BOYZ Boats, none other then the current Two-time High Points Champion U-1 Oh Boy Oberto Unlimited Hydroplane Saturday morning.

As you may recall that Northwest legend Pat O’Day nicknamed her the Danica Patrick of Hydroplanes last year... Oh Brother! Yet Kayleigh (22yrs old) becomes the very first female to pilot a turbine powered Hydroplane and the first lady since Brenda Jones raced in the early 1980’s, retiring in 1982, having won a Heat race in Seattle 29yrs ago...

Yet Kayleigh wasn’t just on a Sunday cruise, instead running a handful of laps at a high rate of speed, with her third lap being 146.368mph - tying her brother Brian's best qualifying lap on Friday in his U-21 Unlimited Hydroplane. Kayleigh then raised the bar by running a further lap speed of 147.058mph, which would have out qualified her brother Brian’s Qualifying lap by one place...

And Villwock and David’s arch nemesis Jean Theoret has retired from racing upon the H1 Unlimited circuit, as the U-37, now known as the Miss Peters & May was to be piloted by JW Myers, but John Zimmerman drove her at Tri Cities instead and continued deputizing for Meyers in Seattle.

While it would seem somewhat symbiotic if Villwock tied perennial Northwest Hydro legend Chip Hanauer’s record of 61 victories none other then on Lake Washington, as Hanauer’s total is one shy of the Godfather’s, nee Bill Muncey’s all time record of 62 APBA wins, yet it wasn’t to be...

As I alike Chip still am locked in the battle royales ‘O yesteryear when the drivers had to spend five minutes jockeying for lane choices, which always made the starts even that extra bit more exciting! As I’m simply NOT a fan of the lanes being assigned – although I suppose it’s a safety thing, eh?

Thus with Villwock ‘N David having each won their respective first Heats on Saturday: Heat 1A – Steve David; 138.095mph. Heat 1B: Dave Villwock; 138.564mph.

the showdown was slated for race 2A on Sunday, where lane choices are inverted, seeing Villwock on the very outside with rival David next inboard of him, as Brian Perkins in the Miss Albert Lee was the Heat’s winner at 136.322mph, followed by J Michael Kelly. (U-7) David and Villwock respectively... As Villwock couldn’t afford to give away any points to David in the chase for this year’s High Points Championship...

Thus Heat 2B was devoid of the two main rivals leaving Greg Hopp (U-100) to an easy victory, while Dr Ken Muscatel’s U-25 Car Pros actually contested the race, albeit being Disqualified and classified DSQ.

Heat’s 3A & 3B were once again won respectively by the Hydro’s BIG ‘DAWGS, nee Oh Boy Oberto ‘N Spirit of Qatar respectively, whilst everybody anxiously awaited the day’s final Heat for all of the marbles where Steve David had lane-1 over Dave Villwock, outside in lane-2... And that’s the way it would stay all the way to the chequered flag, as both boats bounced ‘N skipped their way over the notoriously choppy waters of Lake Washington in the five lap finale, as both drivers were kept busy flying their respective hulls over and thru the multiple rollers, as winner Steve David wryly noted – the key was to keep the prop (propeller) in the water... Which meant pointing the hydro’s nose skywards!

Seafair – 2010: Albert Lee Cup results
1) U-1 – Steve David; Oh boy Oberto
2) U-96 – Dave Villwock; Spirit of Qatar
3) U-21 – Brian Perkins; Albert Lee Appliance
4) U-5 - Jeff Bernard;
5) U-37 – John Zimmerman; Miss Peters & May
6) U-7 – J Michael Kelly; Graham Trucking (-1 lap; Jumped start)

Trailer Boat
7) U-100 - Greg Hopp; Lay's Kettle Cooked

And thus Steve David will lead the Unlimited Hydroplane Armada to the season finale at the second annual Oryx Cup in Doha, Qatar, where he leads rival Dave Villwock by 506 points, which is equivalent to over a one heat advantage, as the Oh Boy Oberto seeks to become only the second-ever BIG ‘DAWG to win three consecutive National High Points Championships... As Uh, guess who’s the only Beer Wagon to have ever done so...

You may also wish to check out: Seafair Splendor – 2009 Edition

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Another Star Studded Monterey Historics

(1956 Maserati 200 SI; Source: Sports Car

This weekend’s activities are highlighted by the annual Monterey Historics, (NOT ‘DannaWho’s B.I.G. Roundy-round thingy...) when the roar of legendary and everyday classic automobiles invade the coastal regions of California’s Highway 101, 1 and 17 Mile Drive...

As I simply haven’t had time to scribble down the multitude of great memories I cherish of gallivanting around Carmel, Laguna Seca, Monterey, Pebble Beach, Seaside ‘N something Del Mar? Err it just came back to Mwah; it’s Marina Del Ray, where I got blown away by a Ferrari 328; BINGO!

Collecting: Art to Go – Driving 3 Masterpieces

AnyHoo! As your Humble Scribe would truly like to be in attendance at ALL of the most wonderful Automotive “Gawking” sites on the planet, as according to fabled Motoring ‘Hack Gordon Kirby, this weeks guest ‘O honour are the esteemed Sir Stirling Moss, back from his triple-gainer... Alongside the revered Daniel Sexton Gurney. As I’d definitely like to be in attendance at the private Saturday night shindig!

Moss and Gurney to star at Monterey

Pebble Beach: 2010 Gooding & Company Auction preview

Vasser and Sato join Monterey festivities

(Photo courtesy of KV Racing Technology)

Just received the following Press Release in the No Fenders mailbox, as apparently Jimmy & Taku are Hangin’ out this weekend?


MONTEREY, CA – AUGUST 11, 2010 – Jimmy Vasser and Takuma Sato took the opportunity to get behind the wheel of the new Lotus Evora Cup GT4 prototype at Laguna Seca Raceway in Monterey, California.

Sato and Vasser joined Johnny Mowlem to support Lotus’ various activities in the days leading up to the Pebble Beach Concurs d’ Elegance. Mowlem, the official factory test driver for the Evora Cup GT4 program, provided Sato and Vasser some insight into the performance capabilities of the car prior to them taking to the track. .

Developed from the highly acclaimed Lotus Evora sports car, the Lotus Evora Gup GT4 race car has been engineered to give drivers a competitive racing package straight out of the box. Lotus Motorsport has developed the Evora Cup GT4 in conjunction with a number of prestigious technical partner using the Evora’s world class chassis as its base. Further development of the vehicles steering, brakes and suspension system delivers exceptional grip and handling capabilities on track. Cosworth are supplying a naturally-aspirated V6 race engine and full Electronics Systems which delivers 445Nm of torque at 5500 rpm powering the rear wheels through a six-speed sequential gearbox, with a paddle shift option. With FIA designed and approved safety features, the Evora Cup GT4 is accepted in over 12 of the world’s leading GT series and can be easily modified for the demand of endurance events.

Vasser, one of the most respected names in United States open-wheel racing, is the 1996 IndyCar Champion and co-owner of KV Racing Technology. After driving several laps in the Evora Cup GT4, he said, “First of all it is a beautiful car. It looks aggressive and you can drive it with confidence. I think Lotus has done a fantastic job kitting it out. It’s got all the modern amenities you would expect, and it is a lot of fun to drive.”

Sato, who spent seven seasons in Formula One and currently competes in the IndyCar Series behind the wheel of the #5 Lotus – KV Racing Technology entry, was ecstatic about his first laps ever in a GT car saying, “Driving the Lotus Evora Cup GT4 was absolutely amazing. I really enjoyed it. I have never driven a GT car before so this was just outstanding. The car sounds great, the power pulled really nicely, the handling was good. It has great braking stability so you can really dive into the corners. It is a car that gives the driver confidence he can go really deep into the corner before braking. This is a car you can learn and attack the lap time with. It is a driver friendly car.”

Lotus Motorsport is targeting the Nurburgring (Germany)round of the European GT4 championship, the weekend of August 28-29, for the debut of the Lotus Evora Cup GT4. The driver line-up will be announced when the entry is confirmed...

Friday, August 13, 2010

Wacky Friday One-three

Hot time – Summer in the City
Back ‘O my neck getting’ dirty ‘N gritty...

So I’m not quite sure how those approximate lyrics sprung into my mind... Although I suppose it has something to do with being Summertime, eh?

"Hot town, summer in the city
Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty”
(Love 'N Spoonfuls – Summer in the City lyrics)

As originally I thought I’d be overly clever ‘N post the Great Balls ‘O Fire story on Friday the Thirteenth! As there’s NO bigger Grand Prix fireball then Hockenheim, circa 1994; Starrin’ Jos “tHE BOSS” Verstappen, Professor Matchett and six of their buddies...

Yet, unbeknownst to Mwah, I’d be celebrating this Friday the 13th in a much more ANNOYING manner... Whale Otay; NOT nearly as dramatic as the Benetton ‘Boyz... BUTT! Nevertheless, as I said, its Summertime and we’re riding’ a mini Heatwave here, albeit nothing like the Midwest, East Coast or Russia! Yet I had the windows open and was suddenly awoken at 12:02AM by the upstairs neighbor’s miniature ‘Shitzu... Err, Chihuahua mutt; FRICK! Uh, isn’t this where I insert the Milkalicious Double Zero towel throwin’ story?

Then at NO less than 3:43AM – Hey AIN’T that duh King’s number? I was roused from a somewhat deep sleep by the incredulous noise of a Tomcat, Err may be two Felines screaming ‘N hissing outside... Before the FRILLIN’ Chee-WOW-wah across the way, yeah that same ‘Juan with the barking tic joined in the festivities... And then the first car door slammed at 5:02AM; SHEISA! Is this F%%KING Grand Central Station or what? And that’s not to mention being fumigated by diesel yesterday as they spent the afternoon grinding down the old ‘Ashphalt; Oh Never Mind!

As I know Y’all will shed a Crocodile tear for your Esteamed Scribe, eh? Ah the virtues of Suburbia, right?

See I told Yuhs its Friday the 13th; Hya! And I won’t mention all of the other crazy things occurring to Mwah today... Yet according to No Fenders Musical Director Randy, I’ve been fooled by le internets again... As he’s informed me that it was actually the Love ‘N Spoonfuls who wrote & sung the song... NOT Three Dog Night, which ‘WICKEDPedia claims was merely a Cover Band – as NONE of its musicians wrote songs...

Great Balls ‘O Fire

Why of course that title naturally makes me think of Johnny Cash’s song: The Ring of Fire, not to mention the allegedly great Jerry Lee Lewis…

Thus, having completed The Mechanic’s Tale a decade after its release early last September, I noticed that one point the resplendent author, a one Professor Steve Matchett is NOT shy at all about lambasting the decision of re-introducing mid-race refueling back into Grand Prix’s by stating NO less the idiocy of it!

Interestingly, Matchett goes on to remind the reader of some of the incidents occurring due to re-fueling such as;

Hockenheim, the most documented race refueling incident, where six of Matchett’s buddies were flown by Helicopter to Hospital for burn injuries, whilst rear Jack man Steve Matchett peeled away his smoldering uniform after having briefly been on fire.

Screaming into the radio that one of the Jordan’s “DONE BLOWN-UP!” whilst witnessing the fireball engulfing Eddie Irvine’s chassis during the midst of a Benetton pit-stop for Herr Schumacher

The Argentine GP when Pedro diniz’s Ligier spun out of control after gushing fuel from the unsealed fuel tank inlet spewed over the rear wheels before igniting the red hot engine and catching the car on fire.

Thus, I can safely assume that Messer Matchett will be most relieved to see that this lunacy has come to an end for the time being, even if under the guise of cost cutting, as it’ll surely make the sport safer.

Yet, I have to say I was somewhat bemused to hear Matchett changing tact on a previous Wind Tunnel episode prior to the end of Twenty-oh-Nine, where said Professor actually totally reversed his opinion; now safely ensconced in the Charlotte, NC Studios of SPEED TV, and admitting that it’ll actually make the F1 Show dramatically duller…

As for myself, it seems like a million years ago – when I began watching the Formula One circus way back when they were NOT refueling the race cars during a Grand Prix and just how immensely fortunate the FIA has been to escape this period of 15 years (1994-2009) without any deaths or serious injuries directly related to the practice of mid-race refueling…

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

F1 Mechanic’s Tale

Whale as noted before… Always a day late ‘N dollar short, eh? As I’ve finally finished reading volume two of Professor Steve Matchett’s Mechanic’s Trilogy: The Mechanic’s Tale a paltry 10yrs after its initial release this past Labour Day weekend; (2009) and then managing to NOT save my first draft of this precious story; SHEISA! (Thus having to re-type the whole BLOODY thing! Which since has been lost in a No Fenders WormHole, nee I.U.T.)

Thus I found it even more hilarious during SPEED’s Friday coverage of an extremely soggy Japanese GP practice, that Red Bull Racing’s John Wheatley wryly commented how 15yrs ago he wouldn’t have attempted crossing the waterlogged Pit Lane to talk to Steve… (Ah, the privileges ‘O Fame, eh?) As if memory serves me correctly(?) Wheatley was some chap named Michael Schumacher’s No. 1 Mechanic, but I digress…
Steve Matchett's Three Principles:
Some where’s nestled in this book; I jotted down Professor Matchett’s three Principles towards achieving any task in life...

1) Desires
2) Guidelines
3) Compromises

To which I’m having a hard time applying at the moment... Seeming to feel like having a major case ‘O AD??? Uhm, what is it; Oh Never Mind!
Thus, I found Matchett’s (second) book overall to be fairly enjoyable, albeit some sections of the technical aspects of the sport become a bit dry. Like when droning on and on about Moog valves and the intricacy’s of Active Ride suspension.

But I’m amazed how Matchett’s musings seem to keep intertwining themselves with current day events, i.e.; Cloud spotting, Confuzer maturation and Billy-Bob-ism’s…

As I’ve mentioned how rory byrne was the ultimate cloud spotter during Der TERMINATOR’s reign at Benetton, and subsequently at Ferrari in my brief Cumulonimbus spotting story.

Matchett’s natural observations about the immediate “Planned Obsolescence” of word processors, a.k.a. Confuzers, seems a bit scary having been written some 11yrs ago, as he notes how he’s hoping to recoup the advance on his book he’s spent to purchase a laptop, Err Notebook to write it upon will hopefully last him a few years before its no longer useful...

Kinda like I keep hoping I can squeeze another year’s service outta my Confuzer as I Scribble away ‘N poond ze Keyboard; Hya!

Or how over the Hungarian GP weekend, of which I was perusing the Memorex tape copy way back when during a Friday Practice session, I found it somewhat ironic how Steve waxed on eloquently about ‘Ol “Billy-Bob,” nee Martin Brundle, who Matchett said positively should have won the ‘92 Canadian Grand Prix yet failed to due so due to fluke circumstances out of his control. As Professor Matchett claims an extremely rare bolt had inexplicably sheared in the Transmission, causing it to become a bucketful ‘O neutrals! As this passage of Steve’s book seemed even more ironic, as who had the Television crew just managed to capture slumming about the ‘Hungaroring Pits. Yep, it was ‘Ol Billy Bob!

But by far the funniest parts have to be the story of unknowingly procuring a sheet of Titanium from the Material room and proceeding to cut it up into a multitude of tiny pieces in order to make himself a set of drawer dividers for the racing car Brakes “Department” he’d just volunteered for, hence joining the Traveling Race Team and being allocated a very small section in the rear of the team’s transporter… To which the senior “Truckie” tells Steve he’d be very smart to NOT show anybody his drawer dividers!

Coupled along with later in the book whilst mentioning how much approval his first book receives and all of the various letters & fan mail he collects, including one juicy reader comment mentioning how his family particularly enjoys Reading his book in the “Loo!”

How Nigel Stepney took the chance and hired him after an interview with the Onyx team; which fortunately for Steve didn’t pan out, since Onyx would shortly go out of business after a very brief period of Grand Prix competition.

Musing over how badly his feet ached during his very first Grand Prix weekend at Imola in 1990 and NOT knowing how he kept going without any amount of sleep the duration of that first outing.

And how a one Mr. Mike Coughlan was Nelson Piquet’s race engineer... Remember him?

Or Nelson’s final race in an Australian downpour, (Adelaide, 1991) with Nelson begging for them to release the car so he could have one more lap… Nelson, you know we cannot do that, shut her off.

And taking an exhilarating Hot Air Balloon ride in Australia after the Season Finale first thing in the morning, barely making it over a Farmer’s house, who’d threatened the balloons operators that he’d shoot the next time they came by after having dug up his fields on prior landings. Being able to see the Farmer’s shotgun, taking shots at them, the balloon coming down as the Farmer raced after them, while the balloon pilot’s brother and chase crew raced to them first, as they all threw the balloon and gondola into the van and sped off as the Farmer approached…

Or claiming that Alessandro Nannini was to blame for his addiction to Espresso coffee, as Nannini would always pour Steve a coffee when getting one for himself whenever he saw Matchett busily working away on rebuilding the brakes in the back of the hauler… To which certainly isn’t normal! Can you imagine Raikkonen, Alonso or Schumacher doing such a thing?

NO Steve! Nannini’s more then just a decent Chap! As the likeable Italian always struck me as a great character, the last Formula 1 Piloto I can recall openly smoking cigarettes and being one of my favourite Gran Primo Piloto’s due to his outgoing nature, along with being Bloody Quick!

And being given the task of working Nelson Piquet’s pit board – Having never done such a thing or having NO knowledge of how to. Don’t worry Steve, we’ll teach you everything to know… “Johnny on the spot!” Uhm? Excuse me Mister Triple World Champion… Pit Now!

Denoting his bolting in of Messer’s Patrese, Brundle, Jos “THE BOSS” Verstappen & Johnny Herbert.


Wryly commenting how he’d have liked to post a poster of Joan Villadelprat with said slogan below it inside the Benetton Race Shop; a pretty entertaining, if somewhat dour comment/opinion of your immediate superior, as Steve waxes on about Joan, although claiming to have become deeply respectful of Villadelprat’s Managerial abilities and even becoming good friends later on.

And ‘Flavour Flav, a.k.a. Flavio Briatore NOT knowing the slightest thing about a Grand Prix car… As Matchett could be rebuilding his Escort’s carburetors during lunch and Flavio could walk by and say keep up the good work Steve, having absolutely NO CLUE that there weren’t ANY carburetors utilized on current Grand Prix “Lumps.” (Which seems to precede Nelson Piquet Junior’s vehement attack upon Flavour Flav by a full decade…)

And although I cannot think of anything GOOD to say about The HMS Monogram, nee Briatore, I did enjoy the part about Flavio letting the entire team go absolutely “BONKERS” upon Doing-the-Double; clinching the Drivers and Constructors title in ’95, where they sprayed (and consumed) so much Champagne that Flavio was more then willing to pay the Establishment’s Owner for installation of new carpets after the Owner complained to FB…

Yet on a somewhat serious note; there was Steve’s journey to the Argentine Falklands War Memorial.

As Matchett dotes on having gone to Argentina with a completely false perspective of the country’s people and having great trepidation whilst standing at the War Memorial in his Benetton “Dress Blues” thinking he had absolutely NO right to be standing there… As a few sobbing widows placed fresh wreaths upon their lost Husbands.

And then finally, there was the mass Staff exodus from a once mighty World Champion team… As Schumacher’s defection to Ferrari triggers the loss of valuable staff, as nearly all of the top personnel depart.

As I seem to recall that it was none other than Flavour Flav defiantly stating it was the car, NOT the driver who’d won their Championships… Upon replacing Herr Schumacher with the Scuderia Ferrari’s two drivers Gerhard Berger and Jean Alesi who would manage a combined tally of a single Grand prix victory during their Benetton tenure.

As Matchett would finally leave Benetton on February 13, 1988, after having spent eight seasons in Formula 1; six with the Race Team and two with the Test Team after injuring his back during a Pit Stop practice “Down Under” in ’96, as I’ve just realized that I’m scribbling about Steve’s experience’s after having been gone from Benetton for 22 years, which must seem like a lifetime ago, eh?

MATCHETT: Lord of Mechanics

Monday, August 9, 2010

Hey Car No. 10 – Turn DOWN your Radio!

So it seemed to be the most aggravating ‘O circumstances yesterday, which also happened to be Seafair Sunday... As I went from the usual ritual of tryin’ to pull-up a decent Indy Lights “live” stream: Herroe? Herroe? Can you hear me now? As alas, it only took three tries this morning, as the first two connections were barely audible... But I did manage to get the whole internets broadcast as WTF? What in the HELL is the Dealio with Mid Ohio still using Armco? As the FIL race was slightly delayed in order to cut ‘N splice in some new bits after a last lap collision by a Sports Car during its support race; SHEISA!

Then I amazingly tuned in “Just-in-Time” for the start of the race as my ‘Clicker were getting’ a workout between the Seafair coverage ‘N IndyCarz race... As I listened to the final few moments of Robbie ‘N Jon before it was time to Boogity-Boogity-Boogity! (BARF!)

And then the unthinkable happened... As it could only happen to Mwah, as upon lap 13 the upstairs neighbors decided it was time to ‘Busta Move... Turning on their CRAP!!! Err RAP on duh Stereo to level nine... Number Nine? Number Nine? Number Nine? TURN YOUR FUCKING CRAP DOWN!!! I’m trying to watch the Indy Car race – JACKALOPES!!!

Yet this LUV-lee rhapsody ‘O CRAP proceeded; fine I can play too, albeit those Honda lumps just DON’T sound like the racetrack even when you’ve got your TV’s volume cranked-up somewheres past level 43... Yet it didn’t do a DAMN thingy, as I could still hear MC Hammer croonin’ CAN’T TOUCH THIS... Oh Fiddlesticks!!! I feel another Meesh torrent ‘O F-BOMBS coming on here... As the RACKETT, Err NOISE continued somewheres north of lap 52, which made my following of the race utterly incoherent and miserable... NOT to mention elevating my blood pressure; SHEISA! KNOCK IT OFF YOU DICKWEEDS!!! As the NOISE subsided somewhat as ‘TAG came in for his final Pitstop after leading for 30 laps... Way to go Tagliani!

And then the ‘lil SHITHEADS left and the NOISE stopped as I could hear Bob Jenkins tell me there were 29 laps remaining, as somehow Dario “REO Speedwagon” Franchitti was now leading over Will Power ‘N Hulio... Although the ringing in my head had NOT abated; Oh Never Mind!

And then it was the end of the race with 30mins to kill, as Versus teased us with Franchitti’s victory speech coming up next: Commercial-Blue angels- Commercial-Blue angels- Commercial-Blue angels- Commercial-Blue angels-Franchitti, SHIT! As I missed the beginning as Ye ‘Ol Clicker was in full ADHD syndrome... As I was totally FRIED by this time, although I did get to hear Dario admit it was basically a NO passing track and he’d simply gotten Will during the Pitstop’s... As Mr. BRUT Arute-Arute babbled on ‘bout the Ganassi Triple, Dario chortled that in his home country they called it a Hat Trick... As ‘Cheep’s teams won the Grand Am, CUP ‘N Indy Car races this weekend.

So I decided I’d go for a walk and of course I somehow caught up with two “Tough Looking Hood Boyz in their Pro Team logo knockoffs...” Supposedly lookin’ for Blackberries in duh Bushes... Saunterin’ along directly in front of me, eventually goin’ off on an F-BOMB tyrade, whilst stopping every so often to confuse me as the one kept wiping his shoe on the sidewalk directly in front of my path, potentially having stepped upon some Doggie DuDu? SWELL! While as I try hunting ‘N peckin’ out this riveting story the ‘lil Chee-WOW-Wah across the way is having another barking tick as apparently the drapes are all a flutter in the light breeze... Aye Karumba!

Did I mention yet how much I’d still rather be Trackside in Edmonton, Eh!

As I’ll need...
I'll need a, a credit card that's got no limitAnd a big black jet with a bedroom in itGonna join the mile high club At thirty-seven thousand feet(Been there done that)I want a new tour bus full of old guitarsMy own star on Hollywood BoulevardSomewhere between Cher and James Dean is fine for me

(So how you gonna do it?)I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fameI'd even cut my hair and change my name['Cause we all just wanna be big rockstarsLivin' in hilltop houses driving fifteen carsThe girls come easy and the drugs come cheapWe'll all stay skinny cause we just won't eat
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstarHey hey I wanna be a rockstar...
(NickleBack Rock Star song lyrics)

INDYCAR: Mid Ohio Young Guns

This weekend’s race recap takes on a bit of a different twist as it was pointed out during the weekend somewhere that it would be the first time with the four most current Indy Lights Champions in the field, with Jay Howard being the first, (2006) with Alex Lloyd, (2007) ‘RAFA (2008) being book-ended by reigning Lights Champion Hildebrand. (2009) There’s also rising Star “Simona-Simona,” an ex-Atlantics Standout along with Bertrand Baguette, The reining World Series by Renault (WSR) Champion.

HVM Racing No. 78) R- Simona De Silvestro; Switzerland
Start) 10th Finish) 8th
Hopefully this rising female IndyCar Star will continue her feel good Mo-jo on another ‘Twistie, having had her best Qualifying effort at Edmonton, as Simona apparently broke her clutch in Saturday’s ‘Qualie 2 session.

But it was quite entertaining ‘N enjoyable to hear Robbie Buhl being her biggest cheerleader during the entire broadcast, compelling her to pounce upon the BIG ‘DAWGS as Simona trailed the two “Peskies” ‘O Hulio ‘N Briscoe in P7 most of the day before ultimately finishing eighth, which I believe is her best ICS career finish to date... Even after Mr. BRUT Arute-Arute chronicled how Race Engineer Michael Cannon was doing her fuel numbers ‘Ol School after De Silvestro had lost her telemetry, along with being shadowed the last half of the race by Marco Andretti, making her finish even more impressive...

Sarah Fisher Racing No. 66) Jay Howard; Great Britain
S) 26th F) 24th (R-Contat; 38 laps)
Not really sure What’s Up with Jay “Funnyman” Howard (besides lack ‘O Seat-time...) who seems to have been plagued with mechanical woes this weekend; reportedly having a Gearbox issue on Friday and I don’t think he ever got out for Qualifying Saturday? Yet at least he was quicker then the League’s favourite Back marker who Robin Miller has bestowed the award of “The Lucky Milka” upon, in deference to RASSCAR’s “Rucky Dog!” As the Wanderin’ Milkalicious rolled off stone-last in P27.

And Jay’s woes seemed to continue as the only time I noticed him getting any “FaceTime” was upon spinning on track before retiring in P24, as Howard claims he doesn’t know what Hildebrand was thinking as he punted him Ass-Teakettle into the weeds... Hmm? Perhaps “Captain America” was doing his best ‘Graminator (Graham Rahal) “Get along ‘lil Doggie” impersonation?

Dale Coyne Racing No. 18) Alex Lloyd; Great Britain
S) 21st F) 13th
I’d say that Mr. Pink, nee Alex Lloyd had a pretty quiet race, just putting his head down and advancing eight places...

Conquest Racing No. 36) R-Bertrand Baguette; Belgium
S) 15th F) 11th
Interestingly, Bertrand was third quickest in the Sunday morning warm-up session behind Pole sitter Will Power and Scott Dixon, albeit I don’t know if it means much as Dario “REO Speedwagon” Franchitti finished the warm-up in P10.

Yet once again it was nice to hear Robbie Buhl giving multiple “shout-Outs” to the Belgian, claiming the WSR Champ has done wonders during his maiden Indy Car season for the Minnowesqe Conquest Racing Team, and Baguette’s results don’t match his performances.

As Baguette, Uhm? Did somebody say Sandwiches? Err Bertrand ran as high as P9 before the cameras showed him being passed by Ryan “The IZOD Dude” Hunter-Reay for tenth in the latter stages before ultimately finishing one place outside the Top 10...

De Ferran Dragon Racing No. 2) Rafael Matos; Brazil
S) 19th F) 7th
‘RAFA, NOT to be Cornfuzed with Raufey as Marty “NationWide” Reid likes to call him, seemed to have a relatively quiet race until the latter stages when he used up all of his Push-to-Pass Overtakes to grab a few positions, including usurping Simona-Simona for P7 in the closing stages of the race...

Then there’s this Trio of Newcomers, as 2008-09 A1GP Champion Adam Carroll makes his Indy Car Series second start, while reigning Indy Lights Champion J.R. Hildebrand and Italian Open Wheel racer Francesco Dracone make their inaugural IndyCar starts...

AFS Racing No. 27) R-Adam Carroll; N. Ireland - UK
S) 17th F) 19th
Carroll was the quickest of the five car Andretti Armada in the Sunday morning warm-up session, P4 - one place behind Baguette, but according to Carroll he had a very frustrating day and wasn’t pleased with how much he struggled over the entire race...

Dreyer & Reinbold Racing No. 24) R-J.R. Hildebrand; USA
S) 18th F) 16th
Making his long awaited ‘BIG CARZ debut, I think the only time I saw Hildebrand getting any major Air-time was when he did a little groundskeeping activities, slithering off track while in 20th place in which The Graminator and Vitor Meira(?( pounced, demoting the rookie to 22nd before Hildebrand settled down, recovered and finished a respectable 16th place... Hey! At least he finished AHEAD of teammates ‘TK, (Kanaan) you know the Follow-your-Schnoz guy; Hya! (17th) Adam Carroll 19th) and ‘DannaWho? 21st) OOPS! I’m just so used to JR driving for AFS that I momentarily forgot he’s filling in for Mike Conway at Dryer & Reinbold at Mid Ohio & Sonoma... Kinda like Mikey’s team is still AGR to Mwah...

Conquest Racing No. 34) R- Francesco Dracone; Italy
S) 23rd F) 22nd (-3 laps)
Whale I suppose Dracone’s performance today demonstrates just how HARD it is to drive one of these Dallara Honda IndyCar Beasts, eh? As “Fransisco,” Err Francesco performed not one but two 360-degree Pirouette’s as he battled Milkalicious for the dubious honour of Best Pirouette before ultimately winding up one position and one lap ahead of Milka Duno. (P23)

Italian racer joins Conquest for two events

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Move Over Hulio!

Just as the IMS Radio Broadcast ‘Boyz in the booth were hypothesizing how great it would be for Helio Castroneves to seek his revenge by grabbing Pole Position today... Guess who snatched the then P1 spot away from him. It was none other then Takuma Sato of KV Lotus Racing Technology who wound up third quickest in today’s Fast Six Shootout, while somebody by the name of Will Power captured his seventh Pole of the season, tying Hulio’s 2007 record.

And by capturing his seventh Pole in his Backup chassis after crashing in this mornings Practice session, Power has captured the inaugural Mario Andretti Road course Cup. So way to go Will! As the Aussie can eclipse Hulio’s record by taking another Pole at the next race in Sonoma...

Carroll eager to impress

I must admit I know very little about the racer Adam Carroll of Northern Ireland... Although I’m impressed by his CV and enjoyed just listening to him via Don Kay’s ‘lil radio show (Autosport Radio) this past Tuesday night... Even if he sounds a wee bit overly serious, he did seem to have a pretty quick wit about him and I’m guessing I wouldn’t want to be in a room with him, Will Power ‘N Paul Tracy... Since the jokes would definitely be on Mwah, eh?

Adam Carroll· Will drive the #27 Automatic Fire Sprinklers car for AFS Racing/Andretti Autosport at Mid-Ohio
· Qualified P10 and finished in 16th place in his first IZOD IndyCar Series race at Watkins Glen with AFS Racing/Andretti Autosport
· In ten seasons, recorded a total of 41 wins, 86 podiums and 24 poles in 223 races
· Earned the title of A1GP Champion in 2008/2009
· Secured 5 wins, 13 podium finishes and 4 poles in the GP2 Series in 2005/2007
· BAR/Honda Formula 1 test driver in 2005
· Finished second place in British Formula 3 in 2004
· Earned a third place finish in Masters of Formula 3 in 2004
· Became British Formula 3 National class champion in 2002
· Placed third in Formula Ford Festival in 2001
· In 2000, won the British Formula Ford Winter Series championship
· Started racing karts in 1993 and went on to win a scholarship to attend the Elf La Filiere
(Source: Autosport

And like many Europeans, naturally Carroll’s ultimate aspirations were to become a Formula One driver while climbing the ladder of stepping stone series, having made it all the way to the rank of Test Driver for the BAR Honda Team alongside Anthony ‘ANT Davidson, Enrique Bernoldi and Alan van der Merwe. Not to mention somebody with a really BIG Schnoz named tony Kanaan taking a spin in the BAR Honda that year...

Although Adam was unwilling to give Don an answer when queried about how much he was shilling out to “Mikey.” (Michael Andretti) it was interesting to hear the Irishman claim it would have taken $4.0 million Euros to land the second Virgin F1 Racing seat, which Brazilian Lucas di Grassi did instead. While Carroll mumbled something about and look where they are...

Yet I find Carroll’s demeanor ‘N persona to be refreshing... Telling Don He just stays in his own truck on weekends when asked what it’s like being teammates with ‘DannaWho?

You can check out the entire webcast featuring Davey Hamilton, Jon Stanbrough and Adam Carroll by clicking here, where Davey Hamilton confirmed he’ll be contesting the upcoming Chicagoland event and says his entry was the 29th...

Webber’s Sportsmanship helped Power keep racing

Saw the following story on that All Knowing PressDog site... DAMN YOU ‘DAWG!

As it’s now official... As No Fenders is pulling for Aussie Mark Webber to win his very first-ever Formula 1 World Championship! Over the highly touted Master ‘Zebb & the Others, as it would be somewhat symbiotic for Webber to accomplish this feat exactly 30yrs after the last Australian to do so, i.e.; Alan Jones – 1980.

As it would be even ‘kOOLER for Webber ‘N fellow Countryman Will Power to do the double; F1 and the Indy Car Series titles respectively! As I was totally unaware that Messer Webber had helped the “Toowoomba Toranadoe,” a.k.a. Will Power continue his racing career when it had come to a most critical juncture of potentially ending...

Webber’s help kept Power’s career Rolling

So good on Yuhs Mate! As although I was gonna go for either the Blue (Labatt’s) or some Molson this weekend after having just been Up North Eh! Guess I’d better grab a few Foster’s instead!

Hulio ‘N Schueblocker

(Dancin’ FOOL Hulio; Source: The Edmonton sun)

First there was John “N Poncherello then came Crockett ‘N tubs... Not to mention Tango “N Cash, and now there’s Hulio ‘N Schueblocker!

As in case you’ve been under a rock or something, Helio Castroneves, the Dancin’ FOOL of the ICS has now been fined a whopping $60k and put on Probation for the remainder of the season due to his Edmonton IndyCar after race transgressions... BIG FUCKING DEALIO!!! Tisk-Tisk Hulio! Can Y’all say wrist slap?

As you may have noticed? I seem to be the only person who called for Hulio to be given a One race BAN for grabbing not One, but Two Indy Racing League Officials... Not to mention his alleged “Potty-mouth” theatrics after having ignored the Black flag displayed to him...

“Following the race, Castroneves was penalized 20 seconds and placed at the end of the lead lap (10th). After exiting his car, Castroneves engaged in altercations with two officials on pit lane.

However, that does not justify the post-race conduct of Helio toward series officials. This is a very serious matter and we weighed all options, including suspension. But we felt suspension would hurt the fans more than anyone else. Fans have paid their hard-earned money to watch the best drivers in the world and many bought their tickets for upcoming events with the expectation of watching Helio.” (said Randy Bernard; Indy Car Series CEO)

And thus Prince Hulio once again slips outta another wrongdoing upon his part, as apparently he’s got some sorta Teflon coating, eh?

Then there was Seven Times Formula 1 World Champion Michael Schumacher’s UGLY looking BLOCK-JOB on his Bosom Buddy ‘N ex-Teammate Rubino (Rubens Barrichello) at the Hungaroring last week which saw Herr Schumacher trying to basically squeeze Rubino into the wall at somewheres north of a “Buck-70+, (170mph+) SHEISA! Of which afterwards the Race Stewards gave him a 10-place Grid penalty for the following Grand Prix at Spa Francorchamps.

Sir Jackie Stewart:
"It was one of the most blatant abuses of another driver that I have seen,”

“It is a terrible example from a man who has seven world titles – bully-boy tactics.”

(Source: Joe Saward

Now I’m certainly NOT trying to compare these two Athletes... As I find DER TERMINATOR, nee Herr Schumacher to be head ‘N Shoulders above Castroneves, although both men do seem to have a rather dubious streak behind them... Yet it just seems to Mwah that both drivers got OFF extremely light once again due to their reputations and status in their respective sports.

I mean, can you imagine what would have happened if it had been some “lesser” Indy Car driver making said transgressions? Would an Alex Lloyd, Tomas Scheckter, Takuma Sato or HELL! Even Milka Duno have been treated so favorably? As in would they have escaped with a simple ruler knuckle-wrap? As in the very least there should have been a Points penalty affixed to Hulio’s sentence, or a fine of $100k to get his attention!

And as for the Fans, I say BULL-HOCKEY!

Way back in 1999, your Humble Scribe paid a very large portion of Dinero to go and finally see Herr Schumacher in person at no less then Monza, Italy... And I’ll always remember a co-worker asking me if I was still gonna go after he’d unbelievably broken his leg just prior to my departure in the British Grand Prix... Needless to say, I still went abroad and attended the race, even without Michael’s appearance, which was the catalyst for said trip.

And how about all of the Fans who bought tickets to see Schumacher’s return as Felipe Massa’s substitute after his horrendous accident at the Hungaroring last summer, eh? As after all of the whipped-up frenzy, Michael had to tearfully announce he’d be unable to oblige due to a previous neck injury suffered while racing Motorcycles...

Yet again, I’m NOT comparing the two totally different circumstances... I’m just trying to point out that once again Hulio got away with his antics, his behaviour was DESPICABLE! As 9yr old No Fenders Cub Reporter Alex described to us how Helio could clearly be seen upon the Big Screen monitor jerking Messer Charles... Who I’d like to join Dario Franchitti in placing 50 looneys on; Hya!

Meanwhile it simply seems that the most prudent and honourable thing for Herr Schumacher to do would be retire again at the end of the season, as I agree it appears he’s becoming more ‘N more desperate on the Race track as the year progresses...

Schumacher under Attack

And that’s my take! If you don’t like it then simply “Fine Me!” While I certainly hope that Hulio WON’T be able to write-off said monetary penalty upon this year’s Taxes...

Yet after reading Ryan’s most interesting story about the plight of Open Wheel Racing hopeful Picho Toledano, not to mention having just listened to Davey STUD! Hamilton... Hulio “N Schueblocker’s antics seem somewhat unimportant to Mwah!

Picho Toledano’s Road to Recovery – The young Mexican driver looks to return to Open Wheel Racing Full time in 2011

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Maryhill ’09 Postscript (Con’t)

So after a leisurely morning at our secluded campsite, we decided to finally get the show on the road and make the hour drive to Maryhill in order to partake in the Day’s Hill Climb event… After all that was the reason we’d traveled across the state, right?

HillClimbArriving just before noon, we sauntered over to the starting line, where we were able to catch about the last 5-6 participants of the morning’s run, where manning the start line was a “Funnyman” (Male) Official who would yell over the roar of the waiting contestant’s race vehicle busily idling away… 5, 4, 3, 2,1! (GO!) As it was entertaining to hear some of the drivers briefly stall their “Lumps” on the uphill incline, before wrapping the throttle and taking off in pursuit of tripping the clock at the finish line…

I say Funnyman ‘cause during a brief lull in the action, when the track had gone silent, he said very loudly to the few of us gathered; think I’m hard of hearing which he YELLED in the din of the silence which got great laughter from everyone around him.

The racing entrants still awaiting their chance to run up the hill were being waived off in one minute intervals, with the track having gone Full course “Yellow” (no Red Flags apparently) due to one of the two vintage Sunbeam “Tigger’s” (Tiger) who’d wrecked while going off course just prior to the end of the morning session, (either the No. 67 or No. 69? As the damaged racecar forlornly made its way back down track followed by a Flatbed “Wrecker...” (Tow truck)

Having watched the final three contestants blast off of the starting line, we watched the smallish armada of racecar’s come back down the hill single file led by a Pace Car before it was lunchtime, to which we returned to our trusty ‘Ol Pick-em Up Truck for; as our overzealous “Attack Dawgs” began barking at one of the drivers whose Firesuit happened to be the same champagne colour of the ‘Hoonds… (Jealous Mollie, perhaps?)

After lunch we gathered everything but the kitchen sink in preparations for watching the afternoon festivities… As unbeknownst to Mwah, I’d find myself pulling a ‘lil red wagon with an Old Doggie named Sarah in it, who wasn’t to keen on staying in the wagon, while carrying two folding chairs as we set off up the lumpy, spiky, prickly thorn infested hillside in search of some shaded vantage point to watch the racecar’s howl uphill. As we passed a few spectators, with Mary Ellen in the lead with her two FUR-Rocious Bitches Mollie ‘N Pixie, me pulling the wagon and Alex holding said ‘Ol Yeller (Sarah) from hightailing it outta her transport, a man said that the Oregon Trail was just over the hillside; Hya! As great guffawing occurred – with several wisecracks being made about our Homesteading appearance of three Hoonds, wagon, chairs, etc. (All in good fun.)

Thus we finally finished our pilgrimage to a small portion of wispy Oak trees, settling at what appeared to be the course’s very first turn, as the vehicles would hurtle towards us, before lifting while downshifting for what appeared to be a ninety degree left turn… As this action would occur every 60 seconds…
Although SOVREN’s website claims 40 vintage vehicles typically compete in this yearly event, Alex counted only 18, as I’ll hopefully be able to post the video one day that No Fenders “Cub Photographer” Alex took, (But do NOT hold your breath, Eh!) which is great as he yelled out the numbers one thru eighteen for my benefit as the competitors returned downhill after their first afternoon pass.

Returning to the Hot Pits/Paddock area, the racers turned their vehicles around and lined-up for another blast up the Maryhill Loops Road; reportedly the very first ever paved road in the State of Washington, which Samuel Hill invested $100,000 of his own money to construct nearly a century ago...

As the variety of Open Wheel Racing Cars and “Tin Tops” proceeded by, Mary Ellen told Alex & me to get a move-on; don’t you wanna at least see the course, she inquired? As there’s a small flotilla of Yellow School Busses to take spectators up the windy race course to a few vantage points… Thus Alex & I set off downhill, arriving “Just-in-Time” as the bus driver cranked the starter, while we thought we’d simply ride uphill and then back down again… Surprise!

And the well maintained continuously winding shiny black “Ash-fault” road is quite a bit longer then expected, working its way well uphill from the nearby Columbia River, as we simply kept ‘N kept driving, before the bus suddenly pulled over to the side of the road.

This was perfect, since we were situated on the left side of the bus and thus got to view all of the racing cars coming back down the hill in preparations for their third and final run of the afternoon, while we’d learn at the top of the mountain, that we had to wait for all of the racecar’s to race uphill, before we could follow them back down…

DRAT! You mean we’ve gotta stay here and watch racing cars scream uphill before we can leave? As I hate it when that happens… (NOT!)
Thus it was really fun to listen to the tiny little bright specs screaming their way thru the multitude of turns before appearing at the finish line and then saunter their way into a staging area one by one, (where Alex counted a total of 13 racecar’s) as it appeared that the fastest Hill Climb participant was car No. 67? Which was one of the Open Wheel variants.

Although I particularly enjoyed the efforts of another extremely fast racecar squealing its tyres in protest as it made its way up the course, being another Open Wheel vehicle, No. 92 I believe, while Alex’s favourite was the shiny silver/gold? No. 31; as then it was time to hop back in the bus and ride downhill, before walking back up to our vantage point, so I could pull Alex ‘N ‘Ol Yeller back down in the wagon, which was a pretty entertaining affair since I naturally tried walking thru all of the thorn bushes…

As we made our way back to the truck Mary Ellen estimated that there’d been about 50 vehicles in the field’s parking area, mostly friends ‘N family members of the contestant’s, as we’d actually met one of the drivers who had come all the way from Tacoma, WA; Bob Bush in his lone ’61 Corvette... Which for some strange reason I seem to recall looking like a Mid-1960’s Big Block Sting Ray variant... Oh Whale, whatever...

2009 Maryhill SOVERN HillClimb Participants
Open wheel Racing variants (7)

No. Class Chassis Type
20 FV 1969 RCA
43 FF 1969 Lola T200
67 FB 1967 Brabham BT21
72 FF 1970 Titan Mark 6
80 FV 1964 Autodynamics
92 FF 1969 Titan Mark IV
00 FV 1968 Zink

‘TinTop variants (15)
No. Class Chassis Type
11 AS 1964 Studebaker Daytona
14 E 1967 Triumph TR3
18 CM 1949 Allard J2
23 D 1957 Alfa Romeo
27 BS 1965 Alfa Romeo
31 EX 1978 Mini Clubman
44 CP 1969 Triumph TR6
51 DP 1967 Triumph TR4-A
56 CM 1956 Jaguar XK140
57 FIA G4 1964 Ginetta G4
61 B 1961 Corvette
67 BP 1965 Sunbeam Tiger
69 BP 1967 Sunbeam Tiger
188 FP 1967 Austin Healey Sprite
304 BS 1968 BMW 2002

Maryhill Chateau

StonehengeAfterwards, we made the brief drive to the replica Stonehenge monument, which is made out of concrete and was created as a War memorial for the fallen soldiers of Klickitat County who lost their life’s in World War One.

The memorial was completed in 1930 on the site of a former Hotel, which I believe Mary Ellen read to me had burned down… As the Hotel was part of Samuel Hill’s vision of his Quaker community named Maryhill in deference to his estranged wife and daughter.

Interestingly the memorial was completed just one year prior to Samuel Hill’s death (1857-1931) and his ashes were entombed nearby the monument, which also overlooks the Columbia River.

Meanwhile his Chateau, originally intended to have eight suites and seating for 250 dinner guests, in the mammoth 60 X 93 foot structure, would ultimately be completed as an Art Museum, which (his friend) Queen Marie of Romania convinced him to do so, as she also presided over the dedication ceremonies of Stonehenge and the Peace Arch in Blaine, WA, with the Museum finally opening to the public on May 13, 1940; Samuel’s Birthday, nine years after his passing. (With 10,000 visitors per month recorded in 2002.)

Then it was back to our most peacefully secluded campsite nearby the Klickitat River for another night before trekking to Zillah, WA where we spent our final evening before finally having to head back across the pass and return to the bright lights of civilization, as we encountered the first snowfall of the season whilst crossing Chinook Pass, although it wasn’t cold enough to stick, nevertheless the landscape was covered by a light dusting of white stuff…

And thus, having never heard of Samuel Hill prior to reading Neil Peart’s Ghost Rider book, I was now ensconced in finding out a little bit more background detail on the man responsible for Maryhill, so I found it interesting to learn that he’d also built another concrete mansion in Seattle, where he apparently spent three decades of his latter life, along with having partaken residence at the Rainier Club, (a very swank Gentlemen’s Club) when Mary had left to return to Minnesota with their two children, while Samuel would go onto sire three further children before his ultimate demise…

Samuel Hill; 1857-1931