Saturday, August 21, 2010

IndyCar – You’ve Got Problems...

This just in from the No Fenders “Rainbows ‘N Bunnies” Department, especially after Edward “The Goose” Gossage stirred-up the proverbial Media Pot by calling SMOKE ON! Over his RALLY-RALLY-RALLY-B-I-G! Press Conference, which ‘Ol Robin Miller hyped as a “Throwback” ‘O Michigan Days, circa 1970’s, whatever that means, eh? Although somehow I guessed it correctly, albeit having scoured my CART Racing Book many times for information upon the series and having noticed they begun with Double Headers...

And perhaps I’ve taken a few bits ‘O WordSpeak outta context from various Esteemed IndyCar members; BUTT I’ve still got a few thingy’s stickin’ in my craw, and since it’s the In-FIIN-eon race weekend which many out ‘Dar in BloggerLand seem to enjoy calling Snorhoma... What better time then now to post this most excellent piece, right?

While I certainly applaud Randy Bernard’s attitude “N effort, just really wonder where this ‘Juan-liner came from that I heard him say on one of the very view IMS Radio Broadcast’s that actually WORKED!

Randy Bernard:
“This AIN’T a Rich Man’s Sport!”

This sound bite was played in response to the endless debate upon The Wanderin’ Milka, Err Milkalicious, a.k.a. Milka Duno. Umm? Has Mr. Bernard ever heard the phrase: To end-up with a small fortune in Racing – You need to begin with a LARGE Fortune... As in Motor Racing has ALWAYS been a sport for the RICH and will remain so for the foreseeable future. As (Michael Andretti?) claimed it costs $400,000 “Large” per race weekend to run an IndyCar while they were trying to keep Ryan Hunter-Reay employed after the Indy 500 this May...

The Golden Selectric Award
It’s simply HEE-Larious to think ‘bout Mr. Fan Builder, nee John Barnes and his immortal words ‘O wisdom??? You know ‘bout ALL of us 40 something’s with Confuzers getting LOST as it’s the Ten year Olds who’ll determine the future of the Sport...

BarnSpeak: FanBase Building 101

And the Hypocrisy of it was NEVER more evident then upon my recent trek to Edmonton, a scant 1,000+ miles away; SHEISA! Lookie ‘Dar JohnnyBoy, It appears that EVERY stinkin’ child is being accompanied by an Adult – ‘Myself included! As I was still being sent Press Releases via le internets... On those new fashioned gizmos called Computers! By NO less than Panther Racing after Messer Barne’s BRILLIANT statement! CRIKEYS! So Congrat’s Mr. Barnes; Here’s your sign...

The Chrome Horn Award
Why does Messer “GOOSE” Gossage make my head spin? As his words resonated the harshest to Mwah during that overly riveting ICONIC Sparkel’s Show... Umm! Did somebody say Sprinkles?

When is a Dallara NOT a Dallara?

As Big Eddie’s comments made me think of a little yarn I originally scribbled ‘bout Tony G; in my adaptation of Some where’s down that CRAZY River! Really? You’re gonna learn to LUV IT! As here’s a few tidbits from Mr. Gossage’s comments upon the Whoa Nellie 2012 ICS chassis announcement.

Eddie Gossage:
“The committee and the IRL technical staff have developed the concept of 'clothes,' which can be changed to allow different looks for the car.”

“Anyone who does not get on board and help row this boat in one direction clearly has another agenda.”

Now I know I’m twisting this around a bit BUTT! Basically those words made my blood BOIL... Really Mr. Gossage, you’re telling me to GO POUND SAND! If I DON’T get all Happy “N Smiles over the new “Body by Mennen” silhouette era? I mean do you really think we’re that gullible to believe it’s an honest-to-goodness Lotus-Honda IndyCar pounding ‘round the Brickyard? Whatever Dude! Therefore Congratulations Mr. Gossage on being the inaugural No Fenders Chrome Horn recipient, as I believe the Emperor’s Tailor has just finished making your new suit ‘O clothes; Hya!

Brass Bollocks Award
Not sure if I should give this to Brian I.H.J. Braveheart or the Indy Racing League... As I definitely appear to be in the minority upon thinking Hulio wasn’t penalized HARSHLY enough over his Edmonton Hip checking routine... Yet I’m more disappointed by the leagues treatment over Milka duno... As it seemed that the Blogosphere was AGAST that Milkalicious was still running Ontrack at the end of the Mid Ohio race... Uh, she even finished ahead of Takuma Sato; YOUCH!

Although at least Stephanie noticed how the ICS was Flip-Flopping upon Milka’s “Double Secret” Probation, as in pull ‘er in Sweetheart – you’ve been out there for an entire 4-laps now...
BUTT! Haven’t there ALWAYS been Backmarker’s in Open wheel Racing? As a one “King Hiro” immediately comes to mind. And NO! I’m NOT sayin’ Milka isn’t a moving chicane, just I think it’s her very first-ever FULL season campaign and she’s NOT a Twisty specialist... Hmm? Now where did ‘DannaWho finish once again in Lexington? Oh Never Mind!

And lastly, I’m totally bamboozled on how in the HELL does IndyCar intend to promote its Indy Lights series if it CANNOT even list & provide links upon its horrendous internets IndyCar Nation page... As I had to go ‘N HUNT for BOTH days of Mid Ohio Qualifying & Race times in order to listen to it on the IMS Radio Network... And do NOT even get me started ‘bout Portland Eh!