Monday, October 31, 2016

Fright Nite' (2016 edition)

Claudio & Tomaso Partying with McLaren Boyz' on Downtown Streets of Austin during a festive Fan Fest on Halloween evening, circa 2014. (The Tomaso Collection)
Ah, where’s good 'Ol Vincent Price when Yuhs needs him, since after all, It's just A Thriller Ha-Ha-Ha-Haa...

"The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller"

VIDEO: Thriller

I was working on the “Confuzer” late Monday night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
From my monitor a scary picture began to show
And suddenly to my surprise
A Zombie-like Kurt Busch apparition Onscreen began to sing

He did the mash
He did the RASSCAR mash
The RASSCAR mash
It was a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on in a flash
He did the mash
He did the RASSCAR mash

From my humble apartment’s abode
To the room’s cathode ray glow
And amongst the Nabors dwellings
Where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came out from their alcoves
Chanting “Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy!”
Hoping to snatch a peak
Of some Roundy-round racin’
Flickering on my TV
(Thru the patio’s window)

They did the mash
They did the RASSCAR mash
The RASSCAR mash
It was a graveyard smash
They did the mash
It caught on in a flash
They did the mash
They did the RASSCAR mash

And although The “Junior Nation” zombies were in foul Despair
Over 'lil E's Shrewd 'N wise move
To rest his Aching Head

Nonetheless, 'lil Ironhead invited the likes 'O
Kenny Wallace, Larry MacReynolds, Mr. Goodbar, Kyle Petty  
And other assorted friends to join in
Upon this little party

As the building was rockin', everyone having to put up with the blare
of the next door neighbor’s surround sound TV wailing a pitiful noise
That sounded like Rusty Wallace scratchin’ a chalkboard
While a pair ‘O Beagle’s howled in misery
As Dusk turned to Night
And the little Coffin-Bangers were soon to arrive
With their candy bags and dressed up
As BOOGITY-BOOGITY-BOOGITY! 'Ol DW', Kevin Harvick, Smoke and Kyle Bush

Whilst Thy Television kept blarin' out "The Crypt-Kicker Five's  Monster Mash

They did The Mash
The RASSCAR mash
The RASSCAR mash
It was a graveyard smash
As the TV blared the mash
It caught on in a flash
As it played the mash
It continued to play the RASSCAR mash

Out from my room, my voice crackled loudly
As once again I was disgusted
Yelling loudly and shaking my fists
I screamed, How long do we have to listen to this?
As the drone of ‘lil Trick ‘N Treaters knocked on the door

As the next door TV still blared the mash
Except It's now more commonly known
As the RASSCAR mash
The RASSCAR mash

But it's almost over
That Monster Y’all know
As Duh Chase...

Original lyrics
Thriller - Single, 1984
Title track From the album Thriller (Nov, 1982
Performed by: Michael Jackson - featuring Vincent Price
(Written by: Rod Temperton)

Monster Mash, 1962
Performed by: Boris Picket and the Crypt Kickers'
(Written by Bobby (Boris) Picket and Lenny Capizzi)

(Photo Courtesy of Austin Hostess Nelie)

Sunday, October 30, 2016

NBC Pulls Nasty Trick upon Stateside F1 viewers!

Hmm? Wasn't that 'lil Sid Vittle in the Pink Tutu performing a Triple Lutz Cow-tow whilst meltin' down the Ice in Mexico City...

Sorry Folks, as I'm going A-L-L Meesh here's; Err Potty Mouth like Sebastian Vettel's increasingly become these days! But seriously? You FUCKING ARSEHOLES! Screwing us out of the most important F1 Extra show by pushing us onto your FRIGGIN' App! Which I not only don't have one, but do NOT wish to even contemplate having to watch; Err listen to TV on my non-existent Smartfone!


Otay, got that outta Duh way! As what's WRONG with this picture? As I pay an astronomical monthly premium for cable television service solely to be able to watch 'N listen to Formula 1 and IndyCar, not FREAKIN' Ice Skating, Kapishe!

As pretty sure this will go down as my favourite race 'O year, which I'm NOT surprised anymore at NBC's atrocious handling of its F1 coverage, although I'm overly disappointed and cannot wait 'til Formula 1 moves over to the Discovery Channel, who'll surely treat thou pinnacle 'O motorsports better, right?

Like seriously? You're gonna grow your sport in Americre' by routinely NOT airing the Post-race Podium interviews on TV? Oh Never Mind!

And now I'm really PISSED OFF! As seriously! NBC showed Ice Skating instead of two-times Indy 500 champion Juan Pablo Montoya conducting the Post-race Winners interview; FU NBC!

Friday, October 28, 2016

RETRO: The year McLaren pissed in Scuderia Ferrari's Sandbox at Indianapolis...

"Mika-the-Finn" Hakkinens West McLaren Mercedes in action at Suzuka, during the 1999 Japanese GP, the year of his second and final F1 world championships. (Image source:
Hold your Prancing Ponies! Imagine driving cross country without a cell phone and not knowing whether or not the very first major International sporting event in Thy good 'Ol U.S. 'O Americre' would be held? But the Show MUST G-O ON! Right Uncle Bernaughty?

As that's exactly what Tres Hombres did, driving thru small town after Small Town USA and just gettin' more 'N more turned off by the overbearingly nauseating phalanx 'O red, white & blue "Pride" on display! Pledging our allegiance to Duh Flag; Hmm? Sound familiar? Oh Never Mind!

When Kaepernick critics go silent

Like I said, it's definitely A-L-L a 'Wee bit foggy now... But Kudos to Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen for not only making I-T happen, but getting me into Indianapolis Motor Speedway minutes prior to the track going green for Friday morning's FP1 (Free Practice) session!

After having paid someone $20, or was it $10? To park in their front lawn for the day much to Mary Ellen's wonderful Hoond Sarah's dismay. As know Mary Ellen said we AIN'T paying $40? Uhm think we paid twenty Smackeroos' the first day.

Years later, Mary Ellen told me how Sarah forever refused to willingly get into 'Ol Blue, her trusty Ford Econoliner Campervan after our trip. Having apparently been scarred for life over our having made her stay alone in the van for multiple hours that weekend...

As Mary Ellen proclaimed to me later on Friday, parking is FREE in the IMS infield beginning at 6AM, and we're gonna be there at 6AM SHARP tomorrow! Which is exactly what we did the next two mornings. Going back to sleep immediately after parking.

As I still marvel 15yrs later over how FREAKIN' kOOL I-T WAS! Mary Ellen cooking me Flapjacks inside Mother Speedway for breakfast both days... As somehow I'm guessin' Y'all couldn't pull that off today during the Indy 500, eh?


Whilst we were totally oblivious to those world famous Tendrloins! Y'all know the ones Geo. Phillips dutifully tracks down each Month 'O May! As I've only ever had one 'O these delectable morsels Wayback in '06 when Claudio' said: You're gonna pay $9 for a sandwich?

United States Grand Prix
Indianapolis Motor Speedway
Grand Prix circuit: 2000-2007
Permanent Road Course: 13-turns
Circuit length: 4.192 km (2.605 mi)
28-30 September

It's even funnier how I really don't remember very much of the race itself, after having traipsed round the planet to witness multiple Grands Prix in six countries over the past three decades. Although I do recall Mary Ellen being somewhat surprised over my joyous reaction over "Mika-the-Finn" (Hakkinen) being victorious!

Alas as typical here in Nofendersville, I'll just share some of my remaining memories on arguably the best Roadtrip ever!

In what's probably a pretty typical reaction? I Still vividly recall being Dumbfounded over how FREAKIN' LOOOOOO-NGGGGGGGGGGG the racetrack was! As I can still see row after row of shiny silver grandstand seats stretching as far as Thy eyes could see!

Think it musta been the front straightaway looking towards Turn 1? Since I recall the seats gently curving to my left with the wailing staccato shrieking snarl of 3.0-litre normally aspirated V-10 lump' racecars screaming towards us!

I also recall thinking how strange it was that the concrete we walked 'N walked upon to find entrance to the grandstands was cracked, uneven and expansive.

While it also seems to Mwah? Although I've experienced the phenomenon worldwide. There were multiple air-horns blasting every time la Scuderia streaked by. Since after all, these were the days of Herr Schumacher cementing his reign as 'DER TERMINATOR, en route to five consecutive F1 world championships for Scuderia Ferrari.

As Michael had just broken the record of most F1 victories by winning the Belgian GP earlier that summer, where he scored his 52nd Grands Prix victory to overtake Alain Prost's then record of 51-wins...

And after accidentally finding the FP1 (Free Practice) results on thou Intrawoods', which apparently M. Schumacher led, NO idea how I finally found the webpage below, spending over an hour trying to find it whilst makin' my head HURT; SHEISA!

Ice Cool Finish F1 rookie Kimi Raikkonen, Sauber team-mate "Quick Nick" Heidfeld with friends in '01 USGP Spotter's Guide. (The Tomaso Collection)
As interestingly, three drivers who remain today in Formula 1 were participating in that year's event. With 21yr old British Playboy 'JENSE, nee Jenson Button in his sophomore season and initial campaign for Benetton alongside Giancarlo Fisichella.

Two rookies on hand would become future F1 world champions, with Fernando Alonso piloting what I thought was a very sweet lookin' Minardi, the PS01B chassis with Malaysia's debutant Gran Primo Piloto Alex Yooung as team-mate.

As "Fredrico Suave" would replace Button at Benetton, which became Renault which he won the 2005-06 titles for during its second iteration as an F1 Constructor.

And then there was that Ultra cool Fresh Face rookie Wunderkind, thee original " Iceman!" Whom 'Ol Hobbo (David Hobbs) used to delight in mentioning how large his attachments were! Or simply known today as the Kimster', nee Kimi Raikkonen driving the Sauber C20 alongside the once "Quick Nick" Heidfeld, the year that Peter Sauber spurned title sponsor (Red Bull) Deeter Majestik's chosen one, the long forgotten Enrique Bernoldi; Chirp-Chirp, Bueller?
As Kimi and his Oomphlats would become Ferrari's latest Formula 1 world champion in '07, which Ferrari will mark a decade of trying to repeat next year after wallowing in the frustration of this season.

And then presumably we made our way back thru the nearby parking lot across the street. As still recall being Bamboozled over how rundown, decrepit and mangy looking the adjoining neighborhood was. As seem to recall derelict Trailer homes abounding the area.

As not sure which day we spotted that now iconic Pissing Calvin deckle', nee the ubiquitous Calvin & Hobbs cartoon character (decal) peeing upon Somme-thun', as this one gave me great relief, as it was peeing on the #24 of Jeffry Pretty-boy' Gordon; YEE-HAW! As the sticker was adorned on a "Shorty" School bus that had been turned into a camper, which we briefly toured whilst chatting with its owners.

After practice, it was off to our ultra luxurious Digs' for the next three days. As I'd pulled out A-L-L thee stops; Cymbol Crash please! Or should I-T be the Gong?

As we'd be spending the next three nights at the Indiana State Fairgrounds, for which cost a whopping $48 - including usage of the showers, replete with hot water; Ooh-la-lah!

To continue reading, see; RETRO: Setting the Stage forthe '01 USGP