Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Disney Smudges some Magic Dust Blush upon Face of New look Formula 1

My Darling, that sure is a Purdy Shade 'O red you're wearin', Now where's my Cup 'O Tea?

A fortnight before this year's season Opening 2018 Australian Grand Prix, per Tipicali, I began Huntin' and Huntin' for when the race would be airing Stateside on its new home, the Disneying' Shopping Networks channels, who's primary focus is "Stick 'N Ball" Sports here in Good 'Ol Americre'; BARF!

As ABC's Cross Promotion during the St Pete IndyCar race was woefully Pathetic! As I only caught one lame commercial break spot during the entire race's annoyingly 4-6 minute Vignettes 'O racing; URGH! Before the lead announcer Haphazardly mentioned it briefly towards the end of the broadcast...

And I must say my initial Gut feelings were NOT good! As seriously? It's the season opener Down Under, so surely it'll be aired upon the B-I-g' ABC Network channel, Righto?


Well Otay, then surely on its Flagship ESPN Cable TV channel; Chirp-Chirp, Bueller?


Uhm, this is getting Annoying! Ah-Ha, found I-T! As lookie Thar', it's back on the cable channel I used to affectionately call Duh Duesch! During Formula 1's first go around on ESPN2, with wait for it. A Staggering 3hrs and 5mins of dedicated Broadcast time in the middle 'O night for the entire weekend's event...

At least that was what my Zap-2-It' telephone TV Guide listed when I originally checked my local listings...


Thus, with this apparent 50% Reduction in Air-time, for which the main reason I continue breaking Thy Piggybank each Month to pay comca$t for ridiculously OVERPRICED Cable TV service. Is to primarily be able to watch; Err listen to Formula 1 and Indy Cars on Thy Telie!

Not to mention the lack of the traditional  Friday's airing of (Free Practice) FP2 or apparently any race replay, I was so absolutely PISSED OFF that I spent several hours Fuming I'd simply be giving Liberty Media's Dudley Duo Chevy Chase (Carey) and Sean Brickity' Bratches along with Formula 1 the infamous Will Power Double Byrd Salute!

Along with simply saying FUCK YOU Formula 1 after 30 Full Seasons of Religiously watching my Numero Uno Sport on Thy Telie...

Although I vowed I'd at least give 'em a chance, and wait 'N see if it was as Horrific as I thought it would be?

Since I simply couldn't figure out how they'd be able to squeeze in the now Obligatory Thank The Fans - Insert Country Here Post Qualie' and Race Podium interviews into Thar Shrunken Broadcast...

Friday, March 23rd
Network: ESPN2
  • 10:55-11:20PM Uninterrupted Qualie' Q1 Session.
  • Commercials: 7+ minutes
  • 11:27-11:42PM Uninterrupted Qualie' Q2 Session.
  • Commercials: 6+ minutes
  • 11:48PM-12:17AM Uninterrupted Qualie' Q3 Pole Shootout session

Having waited the entire day, and trying Not to Fall Asleep before thou Sandman arrived...

As the lead Announcer's name was never mentioned, (again) having missed it when the Broadcast began five minutes "early," since I hadn't checked my TV Guide, for which the times had been modified; SIGH!

Although I'd instinct fully changed channels at approximately 10:55PM Pacific, I missed the Show Intro', with the unknown to Mwah voice saying take it away Martin Brundle... Who'll forever be known to Mwah as Martin "Billybob" Brundle from his IROC Days here Stateside a long, long time ago!

Yet somewheres' towards the end of the broadcast, when throwing it down to Thar Pitlane Reporter Theodore "Not Lenny!" Kravitz, Ted said back to you "Kroftie," which made me guess it must be David Kroft, as I'd recently Goggled' Sky Sports F1 TV Broadcasters; but I digress...

As I'll admit I was just mostly relieved, after partaking the first episode of Formula 1 on The Walt Disney Trio of Sports R Us Networks, i.e.; ABC and ESPN/ESPN2.

Peanuts! Get Your Peanuts, Crackerjax' Here!

Having Cringed when the Red Flag came out for Valtteri Bottas NARLY Shunt in Q3! Since I was already concerned with the 12min Qualie' Q3 Pole Shootout segment beginning at 11:48PM Pacific, (on my Talking Clock) that it wouldn't leave anytime to hear the Top-3 Qualifiers afterwards...

And then with Bottas crash, I ARSE-Sumed' Duh Duesh' would revert to Days 'O Yesteryear, and simply switch over to Women's Golf, Hockey, Curling or whatever Stick 'N Ball Sport's more important...

So at least I was pleased that F1 got to run long for once, and we even got to hear the familiar voice of thou 'Wee Willie Buxom, (Will Buxton) former NBC Sports F1 Pitlane Reporter interviewing the Top-3 Bananas...

Hmm? Isn't it nice to hear Golden Child Thank Uhm, what Country are we in Now? As I'm Shaking Inside Man! Whilst thee Iceman's legendous', Dry Monosyllabic tone required me to turn U-P the volume! And 'lil sid Viddle was his typical Smirking JackArse self...

Race Coverage
Saturday, March 24th
Network: ESPN2
Time: 9:30PM-Midnight Pacific

TV Coverage Grade: F!
Having survived one Red Flag, I spent the entire day waiting to see how the "New & Improved" Presenters, Commentators 'N Pundits riveting Pre-race Show would be; Chirp-Chirp; Crickets? Quiet On The Set... Oh Never Mind!

As I've already scribbled my thoughts upon this Abomination, for which in the Immortal words 'O Hobbo', aka HobbsCapp', nee David Hobbs...

El Cheapo Suito!

As Y'all get what's Yuhs Paid For Mr. Sean Brickity' Bratches! And Way to G-O Liberty Media, as that Cut-rate Price you got for Farming Out thou Pinnacle 'O Motorsports certainly showed just how much You Care!

And may be I'm splittin' Hairs, but the reason I've kept banging On and On 'bout the lack of telling us Stateside who we're listening to, is the fact that we're a Brand New audience that's Never been Subjugated to a Sky Sports F1 TV Broadcast before.

Like I Dunno, the U.S. is just only one of the largest Television Markets on the Bloody Planet Me Thinks...

As I could continue prattling on 'bout how HORRIFIC ESPN2's Lazes faire inaugural return to Formula 1 TV Coverage was. But my Blood pressure's beginning to go off the charts... Although I found it refreshing, when I could Hear 'em NOT being wiped out by Thar Affiliate's nauseous repeating commercials - for which the irony of NOT being able to Hear The Freaks criticize the Shoddy F1 TV Coverage  when simply being cut off was Hilarious...

But the Speed Freaks Statmann Caruthers eloquently said what I'd been thinking all day long, that All the Sky Sports F1 Presenters needed to do was simply pause, in order for our Cut-price U.S. Simulcast to go to Commercial. And then pause from talking in order to come back from the commercial Break  "Seamlessly."

As I won't even try comparing how Fantastic NBC Sports Network's Formula 1 TV coverage was vs. ABC-ESPN/ESPN2's Sky Sports.

Since Statmann summed it up perfectly. By comparing it's lack of quality to two person's in their Mums' basement producing a show upon Public Access TV!

Graham Rahal
"I don’t want to be negative, but I tried to watch. They need commentators here, the commercial breaks had awful timing, and leaving mid-sentence then returning from break without explanation of what happened was terrible."
(Source: racefans.net)

For which I actually managed to find Graham's Twitter Account Online, for which one follower's reply was Brilliant! Saying: Only Halo is Worse!

Sunday, March 25, 2018

F1: Liberty Media's "New & Improved" Formula 1 TV Coverage suffers Turf-Toe Down Under'

Crikeys Mates, those sure are Funny soundin' Sportscasters!

Otay, so it's a New Ballgame, but I for one, wasn't overly impressed by the "New & Improved" Sky Sports F1 TV coverage we were shown here Stateside...

As the Biggest Blunder of the weekend had to be the Safety Blitz thrown upon us All Ah-waitin' eagerly the Pre-race Show; Hut-Hut, Omaha!

Having tuned into the appropriate ESPN2 TV Channel upon my Obscenely Overpriced comca$t Cable TV service some 10mins early, after having gotten Sacked the night before with the Wacky 10:55PM Pacific Qualie' Show's start time. I waited 'N waited with the sound Muted, as the Pundits were All Ah-blather' over Stick 'N Ball Sports; BARF!

Then I just sat there smirking incredulously as 9:30PM Pacific came 'N went. As Thar weren't even any Tweedy Birds piped in onto Thy Telescreen! As the picture of Albert Park was Frozen in Perpetuity between 9:30-32PM.

Then a hurriedly called Audible saw a single BMW Commercial shown, with minimal gain.

Returning to the Huddle, the Camera Eye showed various pictures of Royal Albert Park's grounds, with just various sundry background noises only, including the whir of ratchets...

Next, the Offensive Coordinator called for another raft 'O Commercials for 4mins with No Huddles! With the On-the-Grid F1 Programme getting Sacked!

Next, the Home team Blindly tried switching the play at the line to NO avail, as not even could the Referee's whistle be heard, just more Crickets and then;; SPEW! At 9:38PM Pacific Some Stick 'N Ball TV Announcers Screamed Welcome to E60; Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot!

Then around 9:53PM Pacific, from the other end 'O Tomaso Manor I heard the muted tones of Bagpipes; Huh? As I strolled out to the living room to hear Bagpipes playing some tune, which may or may not have been Waltzing Matilda? Since it was a Bagpipes only rendition playing a tribute for the departed Ron Walker, before the singing of the Australian National Anthem at 9:55PM Pacific...

And then suddenly we were hearing Martin BillyBob' Brundle & Nico Rosberg on the Grid, while somebody named Simon & Damon Hill Prattled on during the overly Disjointed Pre-race build-up.

And thanks to Liberty Media moving the race Start times to 10mins after the Hour, the lights didn't G-O Out 'til 10:13PM Pacific, which if you're gonna do this, then Bloody Hell! Give us the quarter of our racing Airtime lost on the back end of the programme; Buggers!

Although the Announcers; Err Presenters were fine, I found the entire race broadcast overly Disjointed and Sloppy! As the random weaving in 'N out in mid-sentence for the Obligatory Commercials Stateside seemed very Slipshod.

Not to mention I felt totally confused after coming back from Commercial No. 33 to hear that the lead of the race had changed; Huh? What Virtual Safety Car? And then the typical playing of Golden Child Whining on his In-Car radio to his Mercedes engineer; Boo-Hoo-Hoo, Poor Lewis!

And then as soon as Mark Handlebarz' Webber wrapped the Post-race Podium interview it was THUMP! As we were hit Blindside by a Safety Blitz' that simply took the air out of Kroftie' (David Kroft) mid-sentence!

Like All of us here Stateside, watching our first ever Sky sports F1 TV Broadcast knew who any of the Presenters, Commentators and Pundits were? As I only ever heard Kroft announce his and Brundle's name once during the entire night's Discombobulated broadcast...   

Friday, March 23, 2018

F1:2018 Season Kicks Off Down Under'

Once again, the Red Bulls have gone into "Stealth Mode" in order to hopefully sneak past the dominant Silver Arrows and Speedier Prancing Horses. (Image source: express.co.uk)
Hurrah, it's time to G-O Racing. But will it be another Boring year of The Lewis Show? Yuhs know, Wake up 'N see Hamilton lead from Pole. G-O to Sleep, then Wake up for the Finish and See Golden Child' Win again. Rinse, lather, 'N Repeat; SNORE!

Funny, but this year I've been way More excited 'bout the Indy Cars season kicking off due to the Mega influx of new Drivers and a New Universal Aero Kit (UAK18) for which, although I cannot SEE I-T! It definitely sounds far more appealing than this year's Formula 1 Crapwagons! As stick that in your Pipe and Smoke It Monsieur Todt!

Whilst after the Wild 'N Wooly St Pete Season Opening weekend's events, i.e.; Qualie' & Race, Formula 1 will be Hard pressed to peg my interest meter. Not to mention having never given "Thee Young Wicky," aka Robert Wickens a proper chance!

for which at least Eddie "the Mouth!" Cheever correctly pointed out during the St Pete IndyCar race; Yuhs only become a Mercedes Factory Driver by Invitation...

As I'll try refraining from commenting upon Halo, which as we All know, has radically affected this year's F1 chassis designs. For which Y'all can check out who's Duh Purdiest' 2018 F1 Chassis of All? As colour me Pink; Hya!

Meanwhile the FIA's trying to instill more passing attempts by instructing Pirelli to expand their tyre compound range, now featuring seven different types 'O rubber...

While I'm not sure who instigated the Rules Clarification, but the FIA has now amended/updated; Err clarified their intentions regarding customer PU (Power Unit) supply Deals offer the same performance levels as the Works Teams - Unless the Customer acknowledges not wishing for similar equipment parity.

While this year's grid features only two Bonafied Rookies, with startlingly different pedigrees. As one's a multi Feeder Series Champion, including last year's FIA Formula 2 Championship. While the other, Uhm; Whale' let's just say he's bringing lots of Rubles, shall we? Oh Never Mind!

While lastly, although Nobody's addressing the potential "Elephant in the Room," as I'd still dearly like to have somebody explain how a Driver will "Shimmy" down the nose of his car in the case of a KERS/ERS Failure, a la like thee "Incredible Hulkster" *Nico Hulkenberg) suffered last year at Mexico City, ci!

As Pierre Gasley seemingly brought this delicate matter to light during recent Pre-season testing when tearing his Firesuit multiple times upon his Halo contraption whilst ingressing-egressing his Toro Rosso chassis. And that was while NOT even trying to get in/out quickly! (And that's before Valtteri Bottas admitted publicly it takes a further 3-4 seconds to extricate oneself from the cockpit now...)

Ah, But Don't Worry, Be Happy Y'all! It's time to G-O Racing Down Under at Bloody Albert Park in Oz'

As Don't forget for those of us Stateside. Formula 1's pathetic Television coverage moves to ABC & ESPN/ESPN2 this year, for which Y'all can catch Qualifying tonight on ESPN2, March 23 at 11PM Pacific. With the Race airing Saturday at 10PM Pacific, March 24th, preceded by a half hour Pre-race show at 9:30PM. (Pacific)

But Don't Blink, or you'll Miss IT!

Since it appears that the "live" Terrestrial TV coverage is shrunken by 50%, with NO Replays or "live" (Free Practice) FP2 television airing...