My Darling, that sure is a Purdy Shade 'O red you're wearin', Now where's my Cup 'O Tea?
A fortnight before this year's season Opening 2018 Australian Grand Prix, per Tipicali, I began Huntin' and Huntin' for when the race would be airing Stateside on its new home, the Disneying' Shopping Networks channels, who's primary focus is "Stick 'N Ball" Sports here in Good 'Ol Americre'; BARF!
As ABC's Cross Promotion during the St Pete IndyCar race was woefully Pathetic! As I only caught one lame commercial break spot during the entire race's annoyingly 4-6 minute Vignettes 'O racing; URGH! Before the lead announcer Haphazardly mentioned it briefly towards the end of the broadcast...
And I must say my initial Gut feelings were NOT good! As seriously? It's the season opener Down Under, so surely it'll be aired upon the B-I-g' ABC Network channel, Righto?
Well Otay, then surely on its Flagship ESPN Cable TV channel; Chirp-Chirp, Bueller?
Uhm, this is getting Annoying! Ah-Ha, found I-T! As lookie Thar', it's back on the cable channel I used to affectionately call Duh Duesch! During Formula 1's first go around on ESPN2, with wait for it. A Staggering 3hrs and 5mins of dedicated Broadcast time in the middle 'O night for the entire weekend's event...
At least that was what my Zap-2-It' telephone TV Guide listed when I originally checked my local listings...
STEEE-RIKE 3! YOU'RE OUT LIBERTY MEDIA!
Thus, with this apparent 50% Reduction in Air-time, for which the main reason I continue breaking Thy Piggybank each Month to pay comca$t for ridiculously OVERPRICED Cable TV service. Is to primarily be able to watch; Err listen to Formula 1 and Indy Cars on Thy Telie!
Not to mention the lack of the traditional Friday's airing of (Free Practice) FP2 or apparently any race replay, I was so absolutely PISSED OFF that I spent several hours Fuming I'd simply be giving Liberty Media's Dudley Duo Chevy Chase (Carey) and Sean Brickity' Bratches along with Formula 1 the infamous Will Power Double Byrd Salute!
Along with simply saying FUCK YOU Formula 1 after 30 Full Seasons of Religiously watching my Numero Uno Sport on Thy Telie...
Although I vowed I'd at least give 'em a chance, and wait 'N see if it was as Horrific as I thought it would be?
Since I simply couldn't figure out how they'd be able to squeeze in the now Obligatory Thank The Fans - Insert Country Here Post Qualie' and Race Podium interviews into Thar Shrunken Broadcast...
Friday, March 23rd
- 10:55-11:20PM Uninterrupted Qualie' Q1 Session.
- Commercials: 7+ minutes
- 11:27-11:42PM Uninterrupted Qualie' Q2 Session.
- Commercials: 6+ minutes
- 11:48PM-12:17AM Uninterrupted Qualie' Q3 Pole Shootout session
Having waited the entire day, and trying Not to Fall Asleep before thou Sandman arrived...
As the lead Announcer's name was never mentioned, (again) having missed it when the Broadcast began five minutes "early," since I hadn't checked my TV Guide, for which the times had been modified; SIGH!
Although I'd instinct fully changed channels at approximately 10:55PM Pacific, I missed the Show Intro', with the unknown to Mwah voice saying take it away Martin Brundle... Who'll forever be known to Mwah as Martin "Billybob" Brundle from his IROC Days here Stateside a long, long time ago!
Yet somewheres' towards the end of the broadcast, when throwing it down to Thar Pitlane Reporter Theodore "Not Lenny!" Kravitz, Ted said back to you "Kroftie," which made me guess it must be David Kroft, as I'd recently Goggled' Sky Sports F1 TV Broadcasters; but I digress...
As I'll admit I was just mostly relieved, after partaking the first episode of Formula 1 on The Walt Disney Trio of Sports R Us Networks, i.e.; ABC and ESPN/ESPN2.
Peanuts! Get Your Peanuts, Crackerjax' Here!
Having Cringed when the Red Flag came out for Valtteri Bottas NARLY Shunt in Q3! Since I was already concerned with the 12min Qualie' Q3 Pole Shootout segment beginning at 11:48PM Pacific, (on my Talking Clock) that it wouldn't leave anytime to hear the Top-3 Qualifiers afterwards...
And then with Bottas crash, I ARSE-Sumed' Duh Duesh' would revert to Days 'O Yesteryear, and simply switch over to Women's Golf, Hockey, Curling or whatever Stick 'N Ball Sport's more important...
So at least I was pleased that F1 got to run long for once, and we even got to hear the familiar voice of thou 'Wee Willie Buxom, (Will Buxton) former NBC Sports F1 Pitlane Reporter interviewing the Top-3 Bananas...
Hmm? Isn't it nice to hear Golden Child Thank Uhm, what Country are we in Now? As I'm Shaking Inside Man! Whilst thee Iceman's legendous', Dry Monosyllabic tone required me to turn U-P the volume! And 'lil sid Viddle was his typical Smirking JackArse self...
Saturday, March 24th
Time: 9:30PM-Midnight Pacific
TV Coverage Grade: F!
Having survived one Red Flag, I spent the entire day waiting to see how the "New & Improved" Presenters, Commentators 'N Pundits riveting Pre-race Show would be; Chirp-Chirp; Crickets? Quiet On The Set... Oh Never Mind!
As I've already scribbled my thoughts upon this Abomination, for which in the Immortal words 'O Hobbo', aka HobbsCapp', nee David Hobbs...
El Cheapo Suito!
As Y'all get what's Yuhs Paid For Mr. Sean Brickity' Bratches! And Way to G-O Liberty Media, as that Cut-rate Price you got for Farming Out thou Pinnacle 'O Motorsports certainly showed just how much You Care!
And may be I'm splittin' Hairs, but the reason I've kept banging On and On 'bout the lack of telling us Stateside who we're listening to, is the fact that we're a Brand New audience that's Never been Subjugated to a Sky Sports F1 TV Broadcast before.
Like I Dunno, the U.S. is just only one of the largest Television Markets on the Bloody Planet Me Thinks...
As I could continue prattling on 'bout how HORRIFIC ESPN2's Lazes faire inaugural return to Formula 1 TV Coverage was. But my Blood pressure's beginning to go off the charts... Although I found it refreshing, when I could Hear 'em NOT being wiped out by Thar Affiliate's nauseous repeating commercials - for which the irony of NOT being able to Hear The Freaks criticize the Shoddy F1 TV Coverage when simply being cut off was Hilarious...
But the Speed Freaks Statmann Caruthers eloquently said what I'd been thinking all day long, that All the Sky Sports F1 Presenters needed to do was simply pause, in order for our Cut-price U.S. Simulcast to go to Commercial. And then pause from talking in order to come back from the commercial Break "Seamlessly."
As I won't even try comparing how Fantastic NBC Sports Network's Formula 1 TV coverage was vs. ABC-ESPN/ESPN2's Sky Sports.
Since Statmann summed it up perfectly. By comparing it's lack of quality to two person's in their Mums' basement producing a show upon Public Access TV!
"I don’t want to be negative, but I tried to watch. They need commentators here, the commercial breaks had awful timing, and leaving mid-sentence then returning from break without explanation of what happened was terrible."
For which I actually managed to find Graham's Twitter Account Online, for which one follower's reply was Brilliant! Saying: Only Halo is Worse!