19B: No Fenders turns the late Justin Wilson’s Car number today

Long ago Justin Wilson “Hero” Card collected during the 2014 Sonoma IndyCar Driver’s Autograph session. (The Tomaso Collection)

 

With no disrespect towards James Jake, Ana Beatriz, Carlos Huertas or whomever else once presumably drove the #19 Dale Coyne Racing entry?

 

as the needle continuously skips upon the scratchy vinyl record on thoust turntable upon Nofendersville, Y’all know the drill…

 

As I hadn’t even contemplated it was the 10 year anniversary of Justin Big Unit Wilson’s passing when I began scribblin’ this. Ah, I love the smell ‘O synchronicity in the Morning! As IndyCar was racing at the Milwaukee Mile on the tenth anniversary of His Death…

 

Justin Wilson: 1978-2015

 

Or that Amazingly, your Humble No Fenders scribe Tomaso would still be labouriously poondin’ away at Ye ancient Selectric keyboard here at No Fenders! Still merrily creating fresh content for Y’all weekly consumption 19 Gory years later, Aye Karumba!

 

First ‘n foremost, like All the IndyCar drivers do. Its time to thank the Fans for perusing No Fenders and hopefully reading some of my Zany Blog posts the past 12 months, especially All four of my loyal readers! which are lovingly honed with a dull, rusty knife in Tomaso Manor whilst thoust waves crash upon the jagged coastline of Nofendersville Mateys, Shiver Me Timbers!

 

As why does that ‘Ol MacDougals slogan now serving (19 Million) here come to mind again, Hya!

 

Uhm, where to begin another year later, Eh? Suppose I’ll start with the low lying fruit, even though I’m feeling what’s that word Geddy? Oh yeah, Nihilistic over being in a Post IndyCar Season Funk…

 

As we all know, Alex Palou had a magical season this year, aiming for His ninth win of the season at Portland. Where once again I was passing thru via Amtrak on my way north to Warshington’. Before tuning into the race from one of Puget Sound's many Islands.

 

Meanwhile, thee Pinball Wizard’, nee Marc Marquez has systematically decimated the MotoGP grid this year! Having won eight times thru their summer break following Bruno in the Czech Republic, where Marquez secured His fifth consecutive win this season. Catapulting the Spaniard to second overall in career wins, surpassing the legendous’ Giacomo Agostini.

 

Whilst Denis Hauger has pretty much blitzed the Indy Lights, Err NXT field. Winning six times prior to Portland. His only blemish being the collision with Andretti Global teammate Lochi Hughes at Laguna Seca, seeing His points lead evaporate to 32 markers after leading by 93 Me Thinks…

 

Although Hauger secured both the Driver’s and Rookie of the Year Championships with a fine second place at Milwaukee.

 

this year in the life of Tomaso has just Zoom-Zoomed bye-bye again. As no Roger Waters put a log on the fire Jokes here, Hya!

 

Having felt fairly morose when beginning scribbling this. Since I’m forever trying to have new, fresh Blog content ready to upload on No Fenders, even if I promised myself I wouldn’t let Ye Blob’ consume me! Yet after 19 years, ifs become a piece of my daily fabric…

 

Now I could complain about RACER having wrecked its website with its redesign, which if you’ve been reading my eclectic scribbles, Yuhs know they’ve failed to follow WCAG 2.2 guidelines, the foundations of making Web Content Accessible for everyone, i.e.; Blind and Visually Impaired readers…

 

Trying to Follow IndyCar is a Hard Job

 

Or I could grumble about the insane scrutiny I experienced during my first flight post Open Heart surgery, where TSA didn’t give me the option of walking thru the metal detector on my own as in years past…

 

The Perks of being A Blind Traveler

 

Yet how can I righteously complain about any of these “First World” problems when my Government is complicit in the Deaths and Starvation of thousands of people in the Middle East! Where the figure of some 60,000, mainly Women and Children have been killed during this senseless Genocide!

 

Not to mention 373 people, including 134 children; as of September 5th, perishing from famine is incomprehensible! With a Famine just being officially declared, Shit!

 

VIDEO: “Be sure to Wear some Flowers in your Hair”

 

While our Pretender-in-chief Bombastically was busy playing golf in Scotland and presumably stuffing His face with Five Star meals. Not to mention the fabled G7 saying pass the gravy, when civilians were dying hourly from malnutrition! And those in power continue the practices of Colonization in their interests…

 

As what’s that ‘Ol U2 Rattle and Hum song where Bono says “Am I buggin’ you Man? I Don’t mean to bug You, play the Blues Edge!”

 

As the song Silver and Gold is about Apartheid in South Africa, for which currently is occurring in the Middle East! As I Don’t mean to Bug Yuhs…

 

VIDEO: Sover and Gold - live

 

“Imagine there’s No Countries

It isn’t Hard to do

Nothing to Kill or Die for

And No Religion too

 

Imagine All the People

Living for Today

 

Imagine No Possessions

I wonder if you Can

No need for Grief or Hunger

A Brotherhood of Man

 

Imagine All the People

Living life in Peace

 

You may say I’m a dreamer

But I’m not the only one

I hope someday You’ll join Us

And the World will be as One”

 

VIDEO: A Perfect Circle’s Imagine

 

For those still following along. Thanks to everyone visiting Nofendersville and reading my eclectic scribblings upon No Fenders All these years!

 

Since this Uber' eclectic mix 'N veritable Spin Cycle 'O finely honed Thomason' Tex-Mex Jambalaya of Wordsmithing wouldn't have been possible over thoust numerous seasons without All of the Usual suspects continued yearly support.

 

And like Melody Sheik brilliantly “Sings” in His Symphony of Science Masterpiece from over a Dozen years ago now. As it’ll be just plain weird not having DJ WillyP’ in His ubiquitous No. 12 Team Penske entry next year! But there’s Billions and Billions of Stars, and “We Are All connected”.

 

VIDEO: We Are All Connected

 

Whilst never fear Ladies and Germs’, Your Humble No Fenders Scribe Tomaso is planning on sticking round for awhile. Especially since I’ll be celebrating my milestone 20th Anniversary next September!

 

Arrivederci,

Tomaso

 

Partial song lyrics from: John Lennon’s Imagine. From His second Solo album Imagine, 1971. With the title song “Imagine” peeking at No. 1 in both the UK and USA. 

Some Eye Candy outside the Penske Racing Museum

Hmm, that sure is a strange lookin’ Ferrari Vern! (The Tomaso Collection)

 

As why is Supertramp’s Dreamer, You know You’re A Dreamer song playing in my Head right now. You’re Nothing but A Dreamer, Tomaso!

 

Trying to “Stitch” together the languishing thoughts of another great visit to the Penske Racing Museum this past March. Which naturally is fading away, since time simply marches on, Hut One-Two-four!

 

Traipsing thru the Penske Racing Museum, Again

 

As here’s what I initially scribbled upon my return home, which I’ve tried adding more context to, along with my usual corrections…

 

A lone Lamborghini Huracan Evo sat parked alongside a stable of Prancing Horses. Next to a Ferrari F8 Tributo, followed by a Ferrari Roma. Then a pair of SF90 Stradale’s followed by quattro 296GTB’s; ranging in cost from $320k to $400k, Aye Karumba! Although I believe that the F8 Tributo was above $500,000, Sheisa!

 

Pretty sure I had another of my “Strike the Pose” pictures snapped standing between a pair of Ferrari 488’s. Initially thinking that one was  a coupe and the other being a Spyder model. Although later, Blogmeister’ Miguel informed me they both appeared to be Coupes.

 

Have to say my only minor disappointment was the fact that there were no 296 GTS models for sale, albeit these were the previously owned models holding court outside in the Penske Auto Group’s voluminous parking lot…

 

As how can one be disappointed with being able to freely saunter around such a stunning collection of previously owned Ferrari’s and Lamborghini’s! While having Blinders for all of the other luxury brands, i.e.; Aston Martin, Bentley, etc. Including the Joey “Sliced Bread” Lagano Ford Mustang GT Taxicab Bomber, Zoink!

 

Ironically, Lagano just broke “The King”, aka Richard Petty’s record for being the youngest driver to reach 600 starts at Dover, being some six month younger than Petty…

 

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But being Blind, have I mentioned that lately, Y’all? Naturally I was nervous posing around such expensive automobile finery with my white cane. Which contrary to many, is not a walking or hiking stick, seriously people?

 

Blogmeister Miguel made sure I didn’t get too close to any of these beautiful Ferrari’s. Or whack ‘em with my cane!

 

Naturally I have zero clue what looks better? The Huracan, F8 Tributo or Roma? Although I know which of these three I would choose to own…

 

Thought that the F8 Tributo was the final Ferrari built with its traditional V-8 engine, to which Miguel immediately told me that the Roma had a V-8, so what do I know, Ci?

 

As both the F8 Tributo and Roma utilize Ferrari’s Tipo 154 CV 3.9-litre twin turbocharged V-8 engine, that first debuted in the 2013 488 GTB. Which contrary to my rudimentary knowledge of Ferrari’s model naming conventions, for which there appears little, Ci? The 488 denotes the actual per “Cilindri” cubic volume (CC) of its v-8 engine. Hmm, I just learned something new, Magnifico!

 

As the Tipo 154 V-8 engine was the first turbocharged motor developed by Ferrari since the F40’s Tipo 120A Wayback’ in 1987.

 

Both the F8 Tributo and Roma utilize seven speed sequential dry sump automatic transmissions. Arse-sumedly with Ferrari’s de riggour steering wheel paddle shifters.

 

The F8 Tributo is a two door mid-engine layout, whilst the Roma is a front engine 2+2 model. Both presumably with plenty “O Horsepower to Giddie Up!

 

As the F8 Tributo has 710bhp on “tap” to claimed 0-62mph in 2.9 seconds. 0-124mph in 7.6 seconds and a top speed of 211mph,Magnifico!

 

Whilst Road & Track reportedly flogged their U.S. spec model thru the Quarter mile in 10.3 seconds at 132.8mph. Making Ferrari’s 0-100kp/h (62mph) and 0-200kp/h (124mph) claims slower then stated, but its still no slouch!

 

The SF90 Stradale, a la F8 Tributo also debuted in 2019. While the soon to be out of production Roma debuted in 2020. And is la Scuderia’s first plug-in hybrid automobile It uses a slightly enlarged 4.0-litre version of the Tipo 154 V-8 twin-turbo engine, which as been produced in four various capacities.

 

Fitted with an eight speed dual clutch automatic dry sump transmission. The car utilizes three electric motors, one on the transmission, and one on each front wheel. Developing a staggering 986bhp total output!

 

Ferrari claims the SF90 can reach 0-62mph in 2.5 seconds, 0-124mph in 6.7 seconds and has a top speed also of 211mph. Which I’d say is very impressive since I’d Arse-sume the electric motors and battery add significant weight to the car.

 

The SF90 Stradale comes in two body configurations, i.e.; Berlinetta or Spyder. The latter being an electronically driven retractable hardtop.

 

While the 296 GTB’s seem almost not worth discussing, especially with four various “garden” variety 296 GTB’s parked together.

 

But its hard to scoff at any Ferrari, and the 296 GTB is a serious piece of Kit as those Bloody Brits would say. Even if it utilizes a 3.0-litre twin-turbo V-6 in place of la Scuderia’s traditional V-8 engines…

 

Joey Lagano’s No. 22 Ford Mustang GT racecar photo inside Penske Racing Museum c/o Blogmeister Miguel. 

Talking “Tech” with Tino Belli

Although the Dallara DW12 Ain’t going anywhere soon…

 

Back when I could easily read Racer’s website before the maligned Racer 2.0 launch of its graphically laden website on May  12th. Which doesn’t conform to WCAG 2.2 (Web Content Accessibility Guidelines) standards, Urgh! Which reputedly Racer’s working to rectify. Although I’ve been holding my breath for several weeks now, eagerly awaiting its update, chirp-Chirp, Bueller?

 

As the website’s got other issues or bugs to iron out, which I doubt will happen, but I digress…

 

Marshall Pruett’s story Wayback’ in March regarding Tino Belli being called upon to “Beautify” the next generation Dallara IndyCar, has a very interesting podcast associated with it.

 

As Pruett spent nearly 90mins talking with Belli Wayback’ in 2018 after the introduction of the UAK 18, i.e.; Universal Aero Kit, which being unable to “See”, know it’s vastly superior to those dreaded, and thankfully forgotten about Chevy v Honda Aero Kit Wars of 2015-17.

 

As it’s a great interview worth listening too…

 

IndyCar turns to Tino Belli to enhance looks of next Chassis

 

Reading between the proverbial tea leaves, it sounded to Mwah that IndyCar is planning on sticking with just presenting a “warmed” over updated version of the current Dallara DW12 as the next generation IndyCar, with Belli leading the design of its aesthetics…

 

Yet we all know that on Friday of this year’s Road America IndyCar race weekend, IndyCar and IMS leader Doug Boles announced that IndyCar would be debuting the long awaited next generation chassis in 2028.

 

The racecar will once again be produced by Dallara, targeting to be 85-100lbs lighter. Which basically gets back to pre-Hybrid, Err Energy Recovery system (ERS) weight, since the ERS added an ungainly 100lbs to the DW12’s rear!

 

Xtrac, the current gearbox supplier will continue in this role, providing a new 25lbs lighter unit that shares components with the Indy NXT chassis, for those running in both series.

 

While current brake supplier Performance Friction Corporation (PFC) will continue as sole supplier of braking systems.

 

A new ergonomic cockpit will be utilized, including the integration of the Aeroscreen, which was an “Add-on” component to the current DW12 chassis.

 

On the power side, the new racecar will get the previously announced 2.4-litre V-6 twin turbocharged lumps’, ergo Internal Combustion Engine. (ICE) Replete with ERS, albeit the Hybrid unit will feature more power and improved performance…

 

As you’d like to Arse-sume this new “clean-sheet” chassis design will allow for better weight distribution, leading to better handling and better performance overall.

 

Track testing of the new Dallara chassis will commence in 2026, and then once again, all teams will have to buy brand new racecars for the 2028 IndyCar season, when the venerable 15yr old DW12 is finally retired! 

Cornholed, Again!

And He misses the Pile…

 

Yeah, know Y’all are saying where’s my riveting Canadian GP or Gateway IndyCar race reports eh? But Yuhs know how I roll here in Nofendersville…

 

Once again, I got Cornholed! Just over a fortnight ago, (Sunday, June 1st) when chaos was breaking out in Barcelona, ci!

 

Supposedly ESPNews was replaying the Spanish GP at 2:30PM. (Pacific) As I long ago stopped getting up at Oh Dark 30 for Formula 1, Ole!

 

I turned Thy Telie’ on early, since I often aim the remote the wrong way and have to play the turn the cable box on game, being Blind Y’all…

 

Yep, Thar was some riveting Cornhole game being played, which I must say is like my trying to watch a Darts match, with the bean bags going womp-womp-womp! Followed by what sounded like somebody calling a High School tennis game TV announcers noise.

 

Without knowing the time, 2:30PM came ‘n went, and when I finally checked the time since this riveting Cornhole match was now onto another game, it was 2:43PM. And in the words of George Crybaby’ Russell, What The Flock? Language George, the FIA doesn’t like cuss words, Tsk-Tsk!

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2021/04/welcome-to-formula-ones-pariah-club.html

 

Hmm, may be the F1 replay won’t start until 3:00PM? Since the Emilia Romagna rebroadcast had a similar problema, with some college sports program running 20mins extra before somebody apparently woke up and began the F1 replay. Which I “watched” an hour of the Max parade before going to bed…

 

Checking my Zap-2-It TV guide again for the umpteenth time. Since it was past 3PM and Cornhole was still going strong, with the scintillating score being 8-6, Urgh! It said that ESPNews was also replaying the Spanish GP at 7PM. And even though I’d accidently heard who the winner was, Sigh! I thought I’d watch it anyways, since this is the only reason I keep my outlandishly overpriced Spectrum Cable TV service. Now that Fox Sports has taken over MotoGP and doesn’t replay it until the middle of the night, but I digress…

 

Nope, Stee-rike Two! As there was some riveting womens college baseball game going on, in the middle of the fifth inning involving Arkansas I believe, Swell! So I just went and “watched” Err listened to the Youtube Highlights “package” instead. Since I’d waisted far too mucho time trying to catch the Gory F1 replay!

 

Guessing y’all know what happened in the closing stages of the Spanish GP race highlights, ci?

 

But once again, I missed All of the Fireworks surrounding who I’m now calling Max Blunderhead! Being just one more blatant example of why I don’t like Maximus Hothead! And I totally agree with 2016 F1 World Champion Nico Rosberg’s assessment that Verstappen should have been given a black flag for purposely ramming Russell! As a ten second time penalty doesn’t send a severe enough message to a driver well known for His outrageous, and dangerous driving antics…

 

Have scribbled previously that I’ve never disputed Verstappen’s driving talent. It’s just His unrealistic behaviour of a toddler throwing His bottle out of the pram whenever He doesn’t get His way on-track that rankles me!

 

As His petulant spearing of Russell after having been told by His race engineer to give George the place back seems reminiscent of Senna deliberately crashing Prost at Suzuka! Or Michael Schumacher squeezing Rubino’, nee Rubens Barrichello into the wall at some 180mph at the Hungaroring in 2010! Where the German received a ten place grid penalty for the next race at thee Mighty Spa’; Spa-Francorchamps for His reckless, Err Ruthless driving behaviour.

 

Which like I’ve said before, Senna and Schumacher are the two closest drivers Max Blunderhead seems to emulate on-track, meaning I should be a fan of His…

 

And how can you not enjoy Max’s off track candidness? Saying that Red Bull teammate Yuki Tsunoda is not a pancake! In regards to the Japanese driver completely struggling with the diabolical RB21 chassis, for which Liam Lawson was demoted from, and arguably should have never been so hastily promoted to the Big Bullx’ outfit after only eleven Grands Prix experience…

 

Or Max saying He’ll bring some tissues next time after Russell’s remarks regarding His driving antics.

 

Yet Maximus Hothead’s temper tantrum is inexcusable, and once again Red Bull is doing nothing about it! Since what would be the draconian punishment to Tsunoda, Lawson or the other ‘lil Bullz’ (Racing Bulls) rookie driver Isack Hadjar for disobeying a direct order from the race team?

 

Max needs to be sat down for one Grand Prix if the sport really wishes to set the proper example for not tolerating such egregious driving behaviour! Where the Austrian Grand Prix minus Verstappen would definitely send a message! Or at the very least, a ten grid place penalty at Montreal.

 

Thus, I found Thyself hoping Maxwell silver Hammer would pick up one more needed penalty point at Circuit Gilles Villeneuve to enforce a one race ban at Spielberg. Although knowing Maxwell Silver Hammer’s to shrewd for that…

 

Yet it serves Max right that He won’t secure a fifth consecutive F1 world championship this year, since He doesn’t deserve it!

 

Meanwhile, thanks to F1 being on the eastern seaboard, and Indy being a night race. I actually got to “watch”, Err listen to most of the Canadian Grand Prix live on Thy Telie’, i.e.; both Friday practice sessions, Qualie and the race.

Apparently the word Lando Norris was using over the weekend on Il Notre Dam was inevitable. Which surely, I should have expected it would be inevitable for Max Blunderhead and George F-bombs R Us Russell to be on the front row together again for Sunday’s race.

 

Max was very “Cool” in the post qualifying interview with Jack Vanilla, aka Jacques Villeneuve. Replying He always wants to be on pole…

 

Then Russell was a Cheeky Bugger! And  I’m 86% certain the crowd Booed Him when He said He’s got a few more points on His license to play with. For which all I could say was Youch!

 

Or as ‘lil Davey Malukas used to say during the Team Penske Bus Bros dazes’, shots fired!

 

And then during Martin BillyBob’ Brundle’s legendous’ Grid Walk, Brundle cheekily told Carlos Sainz Jr. I promise you Carlos, your not late as He went scurrying by, Youza, good one Martin!

 

Yet the race was anti-climatic at the front with Russell leading wire-to-wire from pole, with Max second and Kimi Antonelli scoring His maiden podium.

 

While all of the fireworks occurred on lap 67 of 70 when Norris made an ill-advised overtaking attempt upon McLaren teammate, and F1 championship points leader Oscar Piastri. With Norris shunting and Piastri finishing fourth after a cautionary pitstop to change tyres, at least that’s what I thought I heard the Sky sports Pundits say? With the race finishing under caution… 

Trying to Follow IndyCar is a Hard Job!

Y’all know what’s Ah-comin’ Righto? Can You Hear Me Now Racer and IndyCar Radio Network?

 

In what seems to be a fitting nod to the now concluded “Month of May”, why would I have expected anything less?

 

On Monday, May 12th, Y’all may be aware of Racer launching it’s “New & Improved” website, which for Mwah, now no longer adequately works! As why would you do this two weeks before the biggest IndyCar race of the year, and the day before Indianapolis 500 practice began?

 

Being a Blind Motorsports Fan and having “read: Racer.com for the past dozen-plus years, which I rely on for my daily racing news. I utilize Zoomtext Fusion 2025 screen reading software to read the internet and All things electronic, i.e.; email, word, etc.

 

Thus,  I’m guessing whatever you’ve done in the coding of your new website isn’t compatible with my screen reader. As it now says button when I “click” on the IndyCar section, (for example) which never happened before.

 

And then after I have to play jump with whatever comes up next, needing to tab to get past whatever it is? All of the subject titles simply say Article page. And below that says Authors profile page for the entire current page, Huh?

 

The same issue occurs when I select the F1, IMSA, etc. “button”, meaning I have zero idea what Any of the articles on the entire website are about? And I really do not wish to spend my time playing guess what this mystery article is?

 

If this information is now a graphic? Then my screen reader would be unable to read it, for which I don’t think this should be done. And I have the exact same issues in either Microsoft Edge or Firefox/Mozilla web browsers, which once again makes me think it’s a coding issue.

 

Guessing I’m the only person having this issue? As all I know is that Racer’s previous website worked perfectly and “interfaced” with my screen reader. As something’s obviously happened! Since this is the only website on Ye Intrawoods I have this issue with, Urgh!

 

Then there’s the whole month’s issues of IndyCar Radio and IndyCar Radio Network’s pathetic sound quality, which I tired of quickly and didn’t bother venting my frustrations previously, since after all, it’s the world’s greatest racetrack. Uhm what is it? Speak Up sonny! Did Yuhs say something about a Firetruck?

 

The horrible sound quality issues began with the IndyCar tune-up race on the road course during Mothers Day weekend. As not only was the “Stereo” sounds quality strange, like inside of a tin can. You also could never hear what the pit reporters were saying when talking to a driver. But you could hear them talking over the intercom completely, i.e.; Rob Blackman saying I’ll go talk to Ferrucci, etc. Not to mention the Booth Boys cracking jokes during the commercial breaks, with Nicky Salt’ Yeoman enjoying Davey Hamilton’s One-liner…

 

This same, pathetic and annoying turn up, down rinse, lather, repeat volume issue persisted throughout Indianapolis 500 practice, whenever I did try bothering to tune-in. Although thankfully I was busy the first two-plus days. And then I just turned off IndyCar Radio during Fast Friday since this was so G-Damn Annoying! As you’d think they’d have been able to fix this by Fast Friday, El Correctomundo?

 

Huh, what did you say Alex Wolff? Oh, what’s that Firetruck doing in Gasoline Alley? You did say Firetruck, Eh?

 

Resorted to my old “trick” of listening to Indy 500 Qualifying upon The Fan’s 1070AM Tune In weblink, which was much better. But hey, if you thought FOX had too many Adverts’, (commercials) then Y’all better not listen to IndyCar via The Fan!

 

Also do not understand why The Fan needs to drop the IndyCar Radio Network coverage for three hours during the middle of Indy 500 qualifying? Since they just put on some B-Team instead, so I jumped back to Indycar.com’s strangled radio webcast instead before simply completely tuning out until 1PM Pacific when Mark Gravelly’ James and Zach Veach returned to the Airwaves…

 

Sunday’s final qualifying day’s coverage was much better on The Fan, which I only bothered beginning with during the Fast Twelve Shootout, so naturally was astounded over ScottyMac’, aka Scott McLauglin destroying His primary Yellow Submarine Speedway car during morning practice, Youza! Before the unbelievable Team Penske Attenuator Shenanigans…

 

Naturally, I thought the sound issue qualities would have been ironed out by Race Day, Stee-rike! Since just like the race itself unfolding into two parts. The radio broadcast sound issues persisted thru the entire first half of the race, as I repeatedly jumped back ‘n forth between IndyCar Radio and 1070AM The Fan with barely any improvement between either site, Groan! As I even tried tuning into IndyCar Radio Network’s newest member’s station KALL, in Salt Lake City Utah to no avail!

 

As it’s Uber annoying that Mark James never, ever mentions any West Coast radio stations, with the exception of Hawaii having been mentioned in the past. Whilst I couldn’t find a listing of IndyCar Radio Network affiliates…

 

So I just spent nearly the first half of the race constantly scooting up closer to my Confuzers Bitchin’ Soundbar speakers, along with jacking up and then back down after the turn announcers were yelling over the race cars sound modulation, Sigh!

 

And then just like the race “settled” down, suddenly The Fan’s sound quality improved immeasurably and I was able to listen the rest of the way without constantly adjusting the volume. With my only complaint being after the litany of Commercials run Ad Nauseum, Seriously? You had to go to another Freakin’ commercial break with twelve laps remaining, and not returning to the race until only eight laps to go, WTF!

 

Yeah, being Blind, I’m definitely a Card carrying member of les Miserables, Hya!

 

Now, stay tuned for the G-r-R-Reatest Spectacle in, Oh Never Mind… 

When the Lights go Dark on Amtrak!

Tomaso with His “service” Dog Hang-10’ Hilo waiting for the train. (The Tomaso Collection)

 

And that’s got Nothing to do with El Presidente giving this Government Agency the Midas touch!

 

Ah Matey’s, here’s another soothing lullaby about a somewhat typical, Madcap 13 hours trek homewards…

 

Not to mention Microsoft’s Office being persnickety per usual! Since no matter what I do to try changing the text below to my normal font settings, it won’t save it, Sigh!

 

Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen told me to set my talking keychain clock’s alarm for Gory 5:15AM, Crikeys!

 

Ah, the joys of Island life, as this included being early for the 6:20AM Ferry back to Ye “Mainland”. Before an El Stupidio breakfast at IHOP at 7:00AM. As the cook was incredulous when our chirpy waitress told Himn my order. As I ended up paying $15.43 for a plain egg breakfast Burrito; asking to “Hold” the bacon, ham and Snazzauges’ I Don’t eat following my Heart surgery…

 

As I highly doubt we’ll ever do that again, especially since it took 40mins! Before scurrying to the nearby train station where I barely had time to use the Loo’ before boarding the 8:00AM Cascades Express train to Eugene. With the train being early and leaving at 8:00AM sharp from the Tacoma train station, all Aboard!

 

Suppose I should have known something was up, Eh? Since I swear there was zero Heat turned on from Tacoma to Portland, albeit we “flew” south to Portland in 2Hrs 45mins, including four stops in-between.

 

Whilst I’m glad I’ve long since figured out where the bathroom door’s lock is, since twice people tried opening the door as we sat for an half hour in Portland. Making me flash-back to the first time I’d ever ridden this type of train and not knowng how to lock the door, Surprise! As the door opened upon Mwah in the middle of you know what when headed to Vancouver, BC decades ago, but I digress…

 

Yet strangely, when I tried calling Mary Ellen on my cell phone twice whilst parked in Portland I couldn’t dial out or get Her number to ring, WTF? As this was an apparent sign of things to come…

 

Approaching Oregon City, OR, our Conductor made the first of multiple announcements, telling us that our train was currently experiencing electrical maladies – including no WiFi’ or HVAC, i.e.; Heating/Cooling, or power to the business class seats. Although it smelled like dust burning briefly when waiting at Portland, when I finally felt heat coming up from the heat register alongside my seat…

 

Following Oregon city, the Conductor announced that the train was just running on electricity; that’s what I believe He said. Although I did Arse-sume correctly that it was a Diesel Electric locomotive pulling us…

 

Saying they’d troubleshooted everything possible to no avail, i.e.; Fuse breakers, Computer reboot, etc. And were going to try one more outside train fix at our next stop in Salem, whatever that meant?

 

Arriving at Salem sometime before 12:28PM; time of the first of two emails sitting in my Inbox when I got home that evening, alerting me of our train issues, Uh Duh!

 

Our Conductor said we’d be staying put there until receiving permission to proceed. Since we didn’t wish to become stranded somewhere between Salem and Eugene with no pick-up possible, like Marion. And He’d give us further updates when

Possible, with Management working on Plan B, whatever that was?

 

Telling us we were allowed to leave the train to stretch our legs if desired, but should remain nearby the train. And then the female Café worker told us She’d put out complimentary water and snack packs for us. While those remaining seated around me “Cheered” when the lights went on. With somebody said whatever they’d wiggled, worked! Meaning I’d had no idea we’d been riding in the Dark for awhile, Hya! Or if this was a momentary fix?

 

After a half hour’s plus of sitting on the train, (sometime after 1:05PM) our Conductor made an announcement I’ve never experienced before in all my decades of riding Amtrak. Announcing that our train had now been Cancelled and would be going no further than Salem! Due to electrical Gremlins, two stops north of our final destination Eugene.

 

Our Conductor said He’d be passing thru the train to take a roll call of those remaining and that a bus was on it’s way to transport us to our final destination in 20-25mins.

 

Then the same female Café worker made a further announcement saying we could take whatever food we wanted from the Diner Car since it would have to be thrown away that evening. But this didn’t include any Alcohol…

 

The Conductor who handled the whole procedure remarkably well in a calm, firm but polite manner told me that yes, I’d make my Link Lane Shuttlebus connection from Eugene to Florence before escorting me off the train and into the adjacent Salem train station.

 

Then another Amtrak employee escorted me outside to stand against a concrete wall to line-up for boarding the soon arriving bus.

 

Next a friendly female employee asked for everybody to wait to allow the visually impaired rider to board first. As She guided me up the bus’s multiple steps and into a front row seat. Before our bus filled up and off we went on the Highway south to Albany and then finally Eugene, arriving at 3:12PM approx. Or roughly an hour and one-half after our trains scheduled arrival. With the bus ride taking approx. 1Hr 45mins…

 

Did the ‘Ol college try at the train’s ‘lil Boys room before another friendly female Amtrak agent escorted me outside. Taking my suitcase for Mwah, and placing me underneath the building’s overhang to be out of the rain while waiting approx. 20mins for the Shuttlebus to arrive.

 

Then the man standing to my right with His wife offered to load my suitcase aboard the Shuttlebus. While it’s driver, the famous Jethro’ sat motionless, didn’t budge a muscle or even call out the Shuttle to me! Presumably the only Blind person who utilizes it? Although perhaps He thought I was traveling with the others?

 

This kind man also helped me aboard, with His wife directing me to an empty seat, while He told Jethro He had one more bag to load…

 

And then this same, kind, Good Samaritan repeated the process for me when we arrived at our destination in Bumfuddle’ Florence, where I awaited the local taxi to pick me up and complete the day’s arduous journey!

 

Amtrak subsequently sent us an email apology for any inconvenience. And then sent us a travel voucher for a future train trip , which I didn’t even ask for. Since All I’d cared about was catching the day’s final Shuttle which I did; so No Harm, No Foul as far as I was concerned…

 

And we didn’t even get delayed or detoured when riding the Shuttlebus. Even though we did pass a car that had crashed into a roadside ditch on our way home!

 

As that’s another typical adventure for Mwah, which it amazes me that I always make All of my connections and get back home with the assistance of kind strangers. As I really enjoy riding the train, and dearly Hope there won’t be any Staff reductions or loss of service in the future! 

The Perks of being A Blind Traveler

An upright, mobile Tomaso poses with a brace ‘O Prancing Horses. (The Tomaso Collection)

 

What do you mean, I can’t take my Easter Basket thru Security?

 

Yeah, as I’m surrounded to the tranquil sounds of a chainsaw, Timber! Hopefully just “pruning” the bushes? As I prefer my shade trees, Numbskulls! And in lieu of hunting for chocolate Bunnies, Marshmallow Peeps, Jellybeans, etc. I thought I’d serenade Y’all with this Easter tale of woe. Or should that be Lake woebegone?

 

This March I went to Arizona, being the first time I’ve flown on a Big ‘Ol Jetliner post Open Heart surgery, for which I was somewhat apprehensive over going thru security now with “metal” in my body. As not only do I have a mechanical heart valve, to which I have zero clue over it’s materials composition, but supposedly also carry stainless steel “bailing” wire around my sternum that was cut in half…

 

SO I asked the friendly Check-in Agent, who breezily said to tell TSA when I got to security. Then I awaited my “Chariot”, Err wheelchair to take me to my Gate. Since I’ve long since given up “fighting” over going by wheelchair thru crowded airports, which really is the easiest way for all involved.

 

Thus, a very no-nonsense, curt, All business woman briskly pushed me to my Gate, first going thru security. As I repeated my inquiry about my heart valve when handing my ticket and ID to the first security worker, who once again just said tell TSA.

 

Now in years past, after I’ve removed my shoes, put them, my folding white cane, backpack, etc. into the bins for screening, I’ve always been allowed to walk thru the X-Ray machine with the assistance of a TSA worker guiding me thru by taking my hand. Yet little did I know this wouldn’t be an option on this trip! For which I wasn’t even asked about, or given the option. Which I must say I found disconcerting…

 

But first I had to deal with the woman assisting me, who was very gruff and apparently didn’t understand what being Blind means? Curtly telling me to put my boots in the bin, on the table. Uhm, Hello? Do you realize I’m Freakin’ blind and cannot see the table or bin sister! As the “fun” was only beginning!

 

Little did I know that I’d be receiving a full body pat-down. With the TSA security worker explaining how He would be running the back of His hand in a horizontal and vertical motion over my groin and buttocks, Swell! After telling me to raise my arms up and hold them like somebody on a cross. Hey, after all the Easter Bunny does make Her yearly appearance today, Righto?

 

Telling me I could remain seated in the wheelchair, but to hold my arms up as He ran His hands over them, before patting down both the front and back of my torso, beginning with my backside…

 

Before  He got to my buttocks, He inserted His fingers inside my jeans waistband. Yo Dude, you’re getting a Wee bitamyte’ Frisky! Before asking me to slide to the right and left of the chair, and raise my buttocks into the air for Him. As I lifted one butt cheek at a time, before it was time for my frontal lobotomy, Err probe of my groin, Ooh la lah! Before He thoroughly patted down my legs to my ankles on both sides, with All of this “screening” occurring in full public view, since I’d declined the “privacy” screening…

 

And as I sat there being frisked, I suddenly realized that I’d brought my metal Hiking water bottle fully filled. Musing to myself kiss that goodbye! Before a female security agent pleasantly asked if I’d like Her to empty it for me? Yes, that would be wonderful, after She’d inquired if I had water inside it? Not only putting it back into the plastic bag I had it in, to prevent having a wet backpack. But also put the twisty “zip-tie” back on it…

 

Then my friendly wheelchair attendant, HaHa! Told me to put on my boot, which you guessed it, were on the table, Sigh! And then just pushed me to my Gate, said it’s right in front of you and simply walked off without saying a word.

 

Parked at my Gate a half hour before boarding, suddenly Southwest Airlines made a Gate change announcement for my flight, as my waiting area simply became a Ghost town with me being the only person left there in my forlorn wheelchair, WTF? Wondering if somebody was going to “collect” me? But nothing happened…

 

As I started to get a little bit concerned after they’d made the second Gate change announcement for my flight and I still sat alone. Hearing what sounded like an Airport worker nearby, I unfolded my cane and prudently called out to this lone man in the concourse. Hearing His walkie talkie squawking “Airport-speak”, asking if He worked here? Who then summoned somebody to come get me, take me to the new Gate, which thankfully I made my flight!

 

Ah Contrair, the fun’s just beginning, as that was only round one of going thru security.

 

And it’s funny, Haha? How each airport does their security screening. Since in Phoenix I didn’t bother to remove my portable CD player from my backpack. Hey, everybody still uses those, Righto? But Gee Wally! My backpack made it fine thru the x-ray machine without removing it, which I’d done in Seattle…

 

Yep, you guessed it. Once again, I got to be up close ‘n personal with a TSA security agent for another wheelchair pat-down. Although I had zero clue that this would be an enhanced full body pat-down! Being the youngest of the three wheelchair bound travelers; with a woman who was 81 and a man 72, I just sat there parked alone for several minutes.

 

Then two agents approached me and asked if I had anything to declare? Telling them about my heart valve and bailing wire, they asked if I was able to stand for 4-7mins?

 

Standing upright, once again I got to spread my arms like being on a cross. Before the one man said I could put them down after He’d seen my one hand shaking apparently? After they’d been thoroughly patted down.

 

Now, not only did I get to have my buttocks and groin patted down with the backs of His palms. But this time they had me give myself a “wedgie!” Asking me to pull my jeans waistband up as high as it would go and then hold it there!

 

Yet first I needed to remove the empty plastic produce bag I’d forgotten was in my rear pants pocket. With the agent asking if I could remove it for Him please. Which He handed back to me later…

 

As I hiked up my jeans, holding them by the empty belt loop on each side, once again a hand slipped inside my waistband front and back. And then He asked me if I could spread my legs? A little further, please…

 

As the second man then instructed the one patting me down, where to  thoroughly frisk me. Making me guess He must have been in training? He lightly “caressed” the insides of my groin down to my ankles before I could put my legs back together. Then said I could get back into the wheelchair, before my much friendlier male wheelchair attendant collected me.

 

Putting on my boots, the other male wheelchair bound member of our trio, who’d apparently watched these proceedings  bemusedly proclaimed to Mwah afterwards: My Gawd, I didn’t know I was traveling with Osama Bin laden!

 

Having watched the TSA agent search every inch of my body from neck to toes front and back thoroughly!

 

And that’s just a “small” flavour of some of my Blind travel Hijinx

 

As just don’t Call me Shirley! Roger-Roger. Guess I picked a Bad day to Quit sniffing Glue, Hya!