Casey Jones, Thars’ No Engine today, so you don’t
have to watch your Speed…
“Over the Hills, thru the Woods to Grandma’s
House”. Uhm, Watch Out, Grandma’s behind the Wheel! And no Reindeer were Hurt
in the making of this song…
VIDEO:
Grandma’s at the Wheel
Oopsadaisy! Thought I’d serranid Yuhs with a
soothing travel story, since many of you will be on the road somewhere soon.
As always, my Amtrak train trips are never
Dull! And always feature something brand new. Ultimately ending up taking the
Coast Starlight Seattle to Emeryville, CA. Which I overheard is across the bay
from San Francisco both directions, which I hadn’t intended doing.
Shockingly, the northbound train was running
20mins early, as the super friendly station agent Greg said yeah, we’d better
buy a lottery ticket, Hya! Along with telling me that they’d torn up the
platform six weeks ago and now it was simply a mess! And they’d take me by
“Shuttle” (Golf Cart) instead.
Since it’s the Democrats fault that the Sky’s
falling, Oh Never Mind!
And I don’t know why I’m so surprised, but I’m
always amazed over how many of the Amtrak workers between the Eugene and Tacoma
stations readily recognize me. As both Greg and then later that night in
Tacoma, where Gary escorted me into the station said they “Knew” me…
As perhaps there’s very few Blind people who
travel alone?
Yet our train managed to fall further ‘n
further behind. Ultimately pulling onto siding’s three times for freight
traffic, and ultimately being some 90-plus minutes late…
But the most bizarre part occurred just north
after departing the Kelso-Longview station. As Amtrak had decided we could pick
up a “runaway, loose” single rail car, say what? Meaning we had to pull over,
back-up and then slam into the awaiting rail car to connect it to our train,
whump, whump!
As the assistant conductor tried making light
of this by telling our car it wasn’t an earthquake! Just coupling cars, Wham,
Wham!
All of which made a silly smirk come to Mwah
while thinking of how this rail car sitting on the tracks was getting punted
further back. Push ‘em Back, Way Back, Hya!
Next, the power had to be turned off for
10-plus minutes, as it started getting quite warm in our car. And they had to
stop serving dinner in the Dining Car and close the Café due to the temporary
power outage. Arse-sumedly when hooking up the loose rail car and connecting
the hydraulics, etc. For a fully functioning extra rail car.
This turned into an approximately 40-45mins
affair. Which caused me to first begin humming the intro theme to the
Deliverance song. And then crack up when the Conductor announced that wasn’t as
bad as He’d expected, and gone faster then planned…
Yet going home was even more taxing for Mwah!
Even though Amtrak had emailed me, I only get email at home. With their email
informing me of equipment “Unavailability”.
Whilst even if I had turned on my mobile the
day prior. After being greeted by the sound of a train’s horn honking,
Choo-Choo! The Amtrak message simply said message for customer number and
changes to No. 503 click!
So, after awaking around 4:50AM and departing
at 5:30AM to catch the 6:20AM Ferry and walking into the Tacoma Train Station
around 7:15AM.
Naturally you can imagine our surprise when
being told the Cascades Express No. 503 had been cancelled, but I’d been
switched to a Bus instead.
But I didn’t want to play Russian Roulette over
needing to use the Loo’ on a moving Bus multiple times, which is at least a six
hours drive; more likely longer due to being on the Highway.
While the Grizzled Station Agent was quite
gruff about this. Snorting the Driver couldn’t assist me, No Shit Sherlock –
Pun intended! As I hadn’t been able to take my normal morning’s constitutional
yet…
And being Blind, have I mentioned that lately
Y’all? Imagine trying to figure out when to get up on a moving Bus (or
Airplane) and shimmy down the narrow aisle to an unoccupied bathroom,
Stee-rike!
Using the station’s bathroom to no avail, before
returning to our grumpy agent. I reluctantly chose to take the next train,
meaning I’d miss my one Shuttlebus ride home that afternoon. Opting for the
10:43AM Coast Starlight No. 11, arriving at Eugene at 5:08PM and then taking a
Taxicab home instead.
As I’d say my “insides” were most Cornfuzed,
since I finally tried to “Squeeze Out One more Shit!” Just after 3PM in the
train’s supposed ADA Accessible bathroom.
After doddling my way to the loo’ I was
immediately struck with the thoughts of how would a Disabled person in a
wheelchair ever be able to use this restroom?
As the garbage bin took up half the width of
the enlarged bathroom. Being placed smack dab in the center of the room!
And when I sat down upon the throne, my left
knee was wedged up against where the empty toilet paper roll was located, with
the sink directly in front of it.
As ever tried taking a crap upon a moving
train? Then afterwards, I searched vainly for the flusher mechanism to no
avail! Having found three slotted vents, grab bars etc. but no Damn flusher!
Before simply closing the lid and making my way back to my seat.
VIDEO: I Can’t Pooh in
Strange Places
Although it had been open our entire trip,
somebody had decided to close the sliding, automated door, which I ran into
with my cane! And I’ve still never been able to find the button to push to open
the door upon my own. Before a kind, female passenger pushed it for me…
While I can tell
you I didn’t get my money’s worth when trying to Pooh upon the train, Hya!
Naturally, after I’d just added an extra 10mins
to my estimated arrival time for my Taxi pickup. Our train came to a complete
stop and I swear the Conductor said the following. They had to have one person
walk across the bridge’s track to make sure it was ok for us to cross. It
should only take a few extra minutes and they were sorry for the Inconvenience…
Then things got even crazier as the train went
Creep, Creep Halt. Creep-Creep, Halt! The voisterous trio at the front of my
car started singing the theme song to Gilligan’s Island; A Three Hour Cruise…
Knock that Shit Off! I’m trying to catch a Cab
in Eugene! With the time just pouring by in my head as we crept ever so slowly
along, Shite!
As I was standing in the aisleway before we’d
come to a complete stop in Eugene. Yet surprisingly, a Station Agent or some
Amtrak worker recognized me and helped me off the train first, taking an extra
long, deep first step out into the windy, gusty sideways rain!
With a second Amtrak worker escorting me into
an awaiting Golf cart, before the Man in my car who’d at one point talked about
a women’s voluptuous Boobs to some other women in our car! Joined me in the
Golf Cart, before we collected our luggage.
And then He drove us to were the Cab would
arrive at, but nobody’s there. Before He escorted me inside the station to the
seat right next to the door; All before my talking keychain clock said 5:28PM.
With my taxi slated to arrive at 5:40PM, Whew!
Then a very nice woman, who I think was just
another passenger? Said your Cab’s here and opened the door for me and guided
me outside, without my asking. Before the super friendly, polite female cab
driver Adrian said Hello, and off we went.
Although I sat in front of the Prius hybrid
taxi and talked Her hears off the entire hour’s plus 60 miles ride home,
arriving at my front door by 7PM.
As no taking me away after climbing in the back
Lucy, that Girl with Kaleidoscope eyes, Hya!
