Cornholed, Again!

And He misses the Pile…

 

Yeah, know Y’all are saying where’s my riveting Canadian GP or Gateway IndyCar race reports eh? But Yuhs know how I roll here in Nofendersville…

 

Once again, I got Cornholed! Just over a fortnight ago, (Sunday, June 1st) when chaos was breaking out in Barcelona, ci!

 

Supposedly ESPNews was replaying the Spanish GP at 2:30PM. (Pacific) As I long ago stopped getting up at Oh Dark 30 for Formula 1, Ole!

 

I turned Thy Telie’ on early, since I often aim the remote the wrong way and have to play the turn the cable box on game, being Blind Y’all…

 

Yep, Thar was some riveting Cornhole game being played, which I must say is like my trying to watch a Darts match, with the bean bags going womp-womp-womp! Followed by what sounded like somebody calling a High School tennis game TV announcers noise.

 

Without knowing the time, 2:30PM came ‘n went, and when I finally checked the time since this riveting Cornhole match was now onto another game, it was 2:43PM. And in the words of George Crybaby’ Russell, What The Flock? Language George, the FIA doesn’t like cuss words, Tsk-Tsk!

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2021/04/welcome-to-formula-ones-pariah-club.html

 

Hmm, may be the F1 replay won’t start until 3:00PM? Since the Emilia Romagna rebroadcast had a similar problema, with some college sports program running 20mins extra before somebody apparently woke up and began the F1 replay. Which I “watched” an hour of the Max parade before going to bed…

 

Checking my Zap-2-It TV guide again for the umpteenth time. Since it was past 3PM and Cornhole was still going strong, with the scintillating score being 8-6, Urgh! It said that ESPNews was also replaying the Spanish GP at 7PM. And even though I’d accidently heard who the winner was, Sigh! I thought I’d watch it anyways, since this is the only reason I keep my outlandishly overpriced Spectrum Cable TV service. Now that Fox Sports has taken over MotoGP and doesn’t replay it until the middle of the night, but I digress…

 

Nope, Stee-rike Two! As there was some riveting womens college baseball game going on, in the middle of the fifth inning involving Arkansas I believe, Swell! So I just went and “watched” Err listened to the Youtube Highlights “package” instead. Since I’d waisted far too mucho time trying to catch the Gory F1 replay!

 

Guessing y’all know what happened in the closing stages of the Spanish GP race highlights, ci?

 

But once again, I missed All of the Fireworks surrounding who I’m now calling Max Blunderhead! Being just one more blatant example of why I don’t like Maximus Hothead! And I totally agree with 2016 F1 World Champion Nico Rosberg’s assessment that Verstappen should have been given a black flag for purposely ramming Russell! As a ten second time penalty doesn’t send a severe enough message to a driver well known for His outrageous, and dangerous driving antics…

 

Have scribbled previously that I’ve never disputed Verstappen’s driving talent. It’s just His unrealistic behaviour of a toddler throwing His bottle out of the pram whenever He doesn’t get His way on-track that rankles me!

 

As His petulant spearing of Russell after having been told by His race engineer to give George the place back seems reminiscent of Senna deliberately crashing Prost at Suzuka! Or Michael Schumacher squeezing Rubino’, nee Rubens Barrichello into the wall at some 180mph at the Hungaroring in 2010! Where the German received a ten place grid penalty for the next race at thee Mighty Spa’; Spa-Francorchamps for His reckless, Err Ruthless driving behaviour.

 

Which like I’ve said before, Senna and Schumacher are the two closest drivers Max Blunderhead seems to emulate on-track, meaning I should be a fan of His…

 

And how can you not enjoy Max’s off track candidness? Saying that Red Bull teammate Yuki Tsunoda is not a pancake! In regards to the Japanese driver completely struggling with the diabolical RB21 chassis, for which Liam Lawson was demoted from, and arguably should have never been so hastily promoted to the Big Bullx’ outfit after only eleven Grands Prix experience…

 

Or Max saying He’ll bring some tissues next time after Russell’s remarks regarding His driving antics.

 

Yet Maximus Hothead’s temper tantrum is inexcusable, and once again Red Bull is doing nothing about it! Since what would be the draconian punishment to Tsunoda, Lawson or the other ‘lil Bullz’ (Racing Bulls) rookie driver Isack Hadjar for disobeying a direct order from the race team?

 

Max needs to be sat down for one Grand Prix if the sport really wishes to set the proper example for not tolerating such egregious driving behaviour! Where the Austrian Grand Prix minus Verstappen would definitely send a message! Or at the very least, a ten grid place penalty at Montreal.

 

Thus, I found Thyself hoping Maxwell silver Hammer would pick up one more needed penalty point at Circuit Gilles Villeneuve to enforce a one race ban at Spielberg. Although knowing Maxwell Silver Hammer’s to shrewd for that…

 

Yet it serves Max right that He won’t secure a fifth consecutive F1 world championship this year, since He doesn’t deserve it!

 

Meanwhile, thanks to F1 being on the eastern seaboard, and Indy being a night race. I actually got to “watch”, Err listen to most of the Canadian Grand Prix live on Thy Telie’, i.e.; both Friday practice sessions, Qualie and the race.

Apparently the word Lando Norris was using over the weekend on Il Notre Dam was inevitable. Which surely, I should have expected it would be inevitable for Max Blunderhead and George F-bombs R Us Russell to be on the front row together again for Sunday’s race.

 

Max was very “Cool” in the post qualifying interview with Jack Vanilla, aka Jacques Villeneuve. Replying He always wants to be on pole…

 

Then Russell was a Cheeky Bugger! And  I’m 86% certain the crowd Booed Him when He said He’s got a few more points on His license to play with. For which all I could say was Youch!

 

Or as ‘lil Davey Malukas used to say during the Team Penske Bus Bros dazes’, shots fired!

 

And then during Martin BillyBob’ Brundle’s legendous’ Grid Walk, Brundle cheekily told Carlos Sainz Jr. I promise you Carlos, your not late as He went scurrying by, Youza, good one Martin!

 

Yet the race was anti-climatic at the front with Russell leading wire-to-wire from pole, with Max second and Kimi Antonelli scoring His maiden podium.

 

While all of the fireworks occurred on lap 67 of 70 when Norris made an ill-advised overtaking attempt upon McLaren teammate, and F1 championship points leader Oscar Piastri. With Norris shunting and Piastri finishing fourth after a cautionary pitstop to change tyres, at least that’s what I thought I heard the Sky sports Pundits say? With the race finishing under caution… 

Another Maddening ESPNews Scramble

As they definitely Didn’t land Sunny Side Up! And where’s Max to tell me to Suck Eggs…

 

Whilst I already knew the likely outcome. Hence deciding to not stay up until midnight on the West Coast to “See”, Err Hear that MaxiMillions’ had won again, Yawn! I decided I’d tune into the ESPNews encore presentation of the Japanese Grand Prix at 10AM Pacific instead.

 

Even though I was annoyed once again by either ESPN or more likely Comcast for pitting the F1 Broadcast replay up against the MotoGP Indian Grand Prix…

 

Thus my intentions were to tune into the elongated Japanese Grand Prix replay from 10AM until 11:50AM before switching over to the inaugural MotoGP race at India’s Buddh International Circuit, home of the former Formula 1 race in India between 2011-13.

 

And I bellowed Shut Up Nicole when the Mothers Shoe polish lady came on the first time at 11:26AM interrupting the F1 broadcast…

 

But I was absolutely Dumbstruck when Nicole Briscoe told us again at the top of the hour, i.e.; 11AM that we’d immediately resume where we’d left off upon returning from commercials, sure thingy’ Sister!

 

So imagine my momentary surprise when the ESPNews broadcast resumed and it was a pair of Knucleheads talking SCC Womens College Soccer, WTF! Making me wonder did I hit the wrong button when unmuting from commercials?

 

No, these two Talking Heads were prattling on about Florida and Kentucky and how the Referee says Play on. As apparently Jokes on me again! As you’ve got to be Shiting me ESPNews! The Japanese Grand Prix is supposed to be airing until 12:30PM Pacific!

 

So I went around the horn of All of the 43 ESPN channels and back onto ESPNews several times before giving up in Disgust! And just went to my Conrfuzer’ and played the Youtube Highlights package instead.

 

Then adding insult to injury, as I’d switched over to Big NBC to “watch”, Err listen to the MotoGP Preamble whilst making an early lunch. For Humour during one of there commercial breaks I switched back over to ESPNews and was bemused to hear ANT’, aka Anthony Davidson and Kroftie’, aka David Kroft of Sky Sports calling the Japanese Grand Prix, for which I already knew the results to Jackarses!

 

So I switched back to MotoGP’s Indian Grand Prix which was a far superior race vs. the MaxiMillions’ whitewash at Suzuka! With real honest to goodness competition between the top three points holders. Not to mention palatable excitement and tension thru the entire race! 

As Who’s More Naughty, Max or ESPN?

Yo ESPNews, you’ve just gotten a Double Technical foul. You’re Ejected!

 

As Not sure what’s worse? Knowing the Outcome of the Yabba Dabba Doo GP on Yas Isle in Abu Dhabi before watching the evening’s replay, or having the replay unexpectedly pre-empted?

 

Having told a particular former Austin F1 Sherpa when He called me on Saturday, prior to the race. That I wasn’t getting up at Gory 5AM Pacific, and would wait for the Sunday evening replay at 6PM instead.

 

Gee Wally, guess who called me around Noon Sunday? As I made the mistake of answering Ye telephone, Butterfingers!

 

As Claudio’ asked me if I’d watch the race yet? No. Well you already know the results! No, I Don’t! And I Don’t want to know them! Well regardless of that, you Already know the Outcome! SWELL! Thanks a Gory lot for giving it away!

 

But I decided I’d “Watch,” Err listen to the 6PM ESPNews Encore Presentation anyways, or so I thought so…

 

As Kroftie’, aka David Kroft did His usual “And Its Lights Out!” With the replay starting just a minute or two late, and I Don’t think we’d even gotten to the leader making His first Pitstop?

 

But then FUCKING Unbelievable! At 6:40PM in the midst of the Grand Prix the volume went to about level 87! With a piercing, staccato Static Screeching Reverberating sound like when somebody Doesn’t have the microphone plugged in correctly! And Vamoosh! We were switched Justin-time’ to the start of the El Stupidio Rubber Duckies College Basketball game, I Kids Yuh Not! As we were RUDELY switched to the Oregon Ducks vs. Houston Cougars and that ended that! As who fucking Cares about a college Basketball game? I thought I was watching the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix Jackarses!

 

What’s that Paul? What’s that John?

 

Yeah, I picked up the remote

Turned it to the right Channel

Checked my Bloody TV Guide twice

And it says they’re playing the Wong programme!

 

Yeah, we’re definitely on the One after Gory Nein Das Trolley wagen Nein…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8UeWjynWvE

 

Although I already knew that Maximus Hothead’, aka Max Verstappen Had won again! His 15th win out of 22 races, Yikes! And that He’d put another Beatdown on the field! At that moment I Didn’t know the rest of the results. Like the rest of the finishing order and who claimed second Overall in the Drivers Standings until I watched the Herky Jerky F1 Highlights video on Youtube afterwards!

 

And somehow I felt Good Riddance Formula 1, as Kroftie’ said we’ll see you in 105 days…

 

And then Mary ellen said How Boring  when looking up the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix results  Sunday morning , before arriving in Bumfiddle’ Florence.

 

Then the next day whilst we were on a Walkabout’ at our Exploding Whale Memorial Park with Hang 10’ Hilo in tow. Mary ellen rand into a man with a white Schipperke, which She said She’d never seen a white one before.

 

To which the man told us that Yes, the white ones, also known as either Blonde or Cream colour are rare. But His Schipperke and Hilo who were both about the same size and disposition, enjoyed each others meeting…

 

For which I couldn’t resist, and awhile later when I was sure we were out of Earshot I Quipped. Damn, I cannot get away from the Freakin’ Duthc!

Although Mary Ellen said it was a Bad Joke! Especially since I Had to Explain It.

 

Yuhs know, Max Verstappen, Schipperke. As one of the latter’s nicknames is Black Devil, Oh Never Mind! Even though obviously, I’ll take the Schipperke Any day over Maximus Hothead… 

A Jambalaya of Motor Racing

As Summer solstice’s right round thee Corner…

 

It’s Funny How we Change over the course of our lifetimes, since when I first began following Motor Racing in earnest Wayback’ in 1986, I was simply consumed by All things Open Wheel, initially Formula 1 before being told about the Indy Cars race at Portland International Raceway by a supervisor, who also was a member of the local Porsche Club. Although Formula 1 was Top Dawg’ for Mwah then.

 

As I marveled over how inexplicably I found myself “Watching,” Err listening to Baku’s Friday (Free Practice) FP2 session, being the first Formula 1 I’d consumed in over one month, not having “tune In” since that Farcical Faux Monaco GP poundin’ round Miami’s Hard Rock Stadium’s Parking lots!

 

Although I’m told that Miami had something Monaco doesn’t, that being the bevy ‘O Mermaids Suntanning” themselves upon the Hot Rocks jutting the Ash-fault pavement adorning that Lake Miami which featured No Water, Psyche!

 

Thus I found it weird listening to Kroftie’, aka David Kroft prattle on about potential 2023 F1 Driver moves, Huh? As it Ain’t even Summer yet! Yet the traditional (Fathers Day weekend) running of Le Mans Always makes me think of How we’ve already reached Summer’s Zenith…

 

And although I was paying much Attenzione to Circuit de la Sarthe over the weekend, I found myself musing how Le Mans and Road America were both renown for their Camping! Whilst it was Great Hearing, Err reading that Mrs. Oilpressure had finally  escaped the confines of Her Hospital Bed for the Greener Pastures of Road America this past weekend!

 

https://oilpressure.com/2022/06/11/an-ordeal-not-worth-repeating/

 

As it was entertaining reading how Romain Grosjean had told Kevin Lee He’d rather Go for the Brat versus being a Cheesehead, since He wasn’t a Fan of Wisconsin Cheese. But I was more interested Hearing Romain say that Road America reminded Him of thee Mighty Spa’, aka Spa Francorchamps, which are arguably two of the world’s Best Racetracks!

 

While I know both circuits are also known for the wafting fragrences of many Campfires and Cooking, as Colton Herta’s comments are typical of both venues. As Herta mused in a taped recording during the IndyCarr Radio Network’s race Broadcast how much He enjoyed being able to smell Sausages and Bacon being Cooked on the Back Straight of Road America…

 

But back to the racing, as I have to say I was left feeling quite Deflated, since Alexander Rossi seemed to just Fade after having been Beaten Out of the Pits during the first Pit Stop by eventual race winner Josef Newgarden. As Rossi just seemed never able to recover, and then on the race’s final restart, Marcus Ericsson passed Rossi who was frantically trying to keep pace with Newgarden, seeing Rossi finish a Dejected third.

 

As it was a fairly entertaining race, with All of the multiple race (tyre) strategies, while the five Full course Cautions tended to make the race feel somewhat Disjointed. Which led me coming up with a new nickname for Devlin DeFrancesco, calling Him de CrashFesto’ after His run-in with Will Power, Youch!

 

Although I suppose we should have been expecting some Mayhem after the Indy Lights race was Red Flagged for Christian vogel having launched Himself off the Turn 5 Kerbing and taking out some 80-feet of Catch Fencing, Aye Karumba! Causing the remaining 11 laps of the race to be run following the IndyCar race’s conclusion.

 

And know it’s nothing to write Home about, but Kudos to Beth Paretta, Her Paretta Autosport Squad and Simona de Silvestro for finishing 21^st after starting last in Her first Twisties’ (Road Course) IndyCar race in seven years!

 

And although I did “Watch,” Err listen to some 10 Hours of le 24 Heurs du Mans, beginning on my Telie’s Motortrend TV channel, I left for IndyCar Qualifying from Elkhart Lake before finally listening in earnest to some seven Hours via Radio Le Mans on Ye Intrawoods’, nee Internet before calling it a night.

 

As I seemed to notice that very little was said overall about the Toyota’s playing Leapfrog with each other, other then noting who was leading. But Shea Adam’s being more intrigued by some Big Red Button in the Toyota’s Pits that could remotely “Send” the Cars spoke volumes over how Dull of a race for the Overall victory was!

 

Since I Didn’t even bother getting up early for the finish. Or checking the results until late Sunday evening, following the replay of the F1 race. Since I was awaiting the Encore Presentation of the Azerbaijan Grand Prix with the Mothers Shoe Polish lady, and Didn’t want to accidently find out the results.

 

Which once again, the Clowns at ESPN were playing more Games! Since the replay magically shifted from starting at 4PM to 7:30PM Pacific upon checking my Zap-2-It’ TV Guide again following the conclusion of the Indy Lights race! And then ESPNews “Scared” Me again, since when tuning in around 7:20PM Pacific, instead of some UFC/MMA Super Highlights Show, they were showing a College Baseball Game and I thought Here We Go Again…

 

But they cut to F1 at 7:28PM and Wallah, “It’s lights Outs” in Azerbaijan! As cannot say it was a great race, or even worth waiting until 7:30PM Pacific to “Watch,” but it also wasn’t Boring either.

 

As you had to “Feel” for Ferrari which saw both cars retire. With Carlos Sainz Jr. having a Hydraulics issue and Charles Leclerc’s PU (Power Unit) going Kablamoe spectacularly while leading! As the High track tempuratures apparently weren’t kind to Ferrari powered cars, since Alfa Romeo’s GuanYu Zhou and Haas’s Kevin Magnussen both also had to retire due to PU issues…

 

Meanwhile the Mercedes were still suffering from their massive Porpoising issues, with Lewis Hamilton needing assistance getting out of his car afterwards and complaining of lower Back Pain, whilst Toto Wolff apologized for giving him a Shitbox car! Even though Mercedes finished 3-4 with George Russell leading Hamilton again.

 

While DannyRic’, aka Daniel Ricciardo mentioned how His Head felt like a Basketball being Bounced low continuously after the race, saying now He understands what the Silver Arrows Boyz’ are complaining about!

 

But it was pretty Dull over how Max Verstappen put a total Beatdown upon the field, cruising home some 15+ seconds ahead of a Dejected Sergio Perez, even with Red Bull having told Max to not use His DRS in the closing portion of the race. As it was another 1-2 for Red Bull who are now on a tear. As I still Don’t know if Perez’s tyre problems were real? Since I really Hate Team Orders in F1!

 

Although the most entertaining portion was the Kerfuffle between the two McLaren Drivers with Lando Norris Whining Ah-Mighty for His team to tell Ricciardo He’s Faster then You! Before Norris was told to Hold Station with five laps remaining, before we were left pondering if Norris was gonna Pull a Didier Pironi on the final lap? Before Picciardo finished ahead of Norris with the McLaren duo finishing P8-9 respectively.

 

Meanwhile I wasn’t surprised to learn that the No. 8 Toyota was victorious over it’s Sister No. 7, which apparently Dropped to second after a sensor issue with it’s front Hybrid system delayed it momentarily during Hour 16. As Sebastian Beumi, Brendon Hartley and Ryo Hirakawa won Toyota’s fifth consecutive Le Mans 24 Hours race, Yawn! With the #709’s Ryan Briscoe, Richard Westbrook and Frank Mellaux standing on the Podium’s third step for Scuderia Glickenhaus. 

Douched Again by ESPN!

As it’s the ‘Ol Stick ‘N Ball Switcheroo,Stee-rike!

 

So apparently if you want to watch Formula 1 Stateside, Y’all know that ‘lil racing series that’s Peaking Off the Charts due to that epic Netflix Reality series The Real Housewifes of F1… Then Y’all better Bloody well get up at Oh Dark 30 for the live Broadcast or else Yuhs might get Sopping Wet!

 

As what a  bunch of Bullshit! I Didn’t spend the morning waiting patiently for the two Hours Alpo Fly Dog Relay Ruf Ruf Puppydog Show from Indiana to finish, just in order for an El Stupidio programming change to Men’s College Baseball game between the Georgia Bulldogs and Alabama Crimson Tide you Jackarses!

 

As my Zap2It TV Guide said that the Formula 1 Emilia Romagna Grand Prix would be replayed on ESPNews at 11AM Pacific, which sounded much more soothing than getting up at Gory 6AM for the live TV Broadcast on the Flagship ESPN channel.

 

As the Puppydog show ended and two Blathering Sportscasteers began Prattling on about the Georgia Bulldogs I just sat there in Disbelief and began spewing Out loud you Mother Fuckers!

 

As what’s that ‘Ol Who song about Won’t get Fooled Again? Meet the New Boss, Same as the Old Boss…

 

As I sit here typing away Fuming, I’m wondering if ESPNews will conveniently be replaying the F1 race at 2PM Pacific solely to make it go Head to Head with the CNBC Tape Delayed TV Broadcast of the Portugal MotoGP race, you Douchebags!

 

Since I’d planned on a lazy Day “Watching,” Err first listening to the F1 “Encore” Presentation with the Mothers Shoe Polish lady immediately followed by the MotoGP race…

 

Yep! That’s absolutely the Ticket! Since after returning to Thy Telie’ at 12:23PM ESPNews was playing some  X Games Skateboarding Show. And then for Humour, turning the Boob Tube back on at 1:36PM, Sky sports F1’s Kroftie’, aka David Kroft and Paul di Resta filled my speakers with a wet parade lap taking place in Imola. As it’s Lights Out at 1:36 Friggin’ PM you Dirty, Filthy Bastardoes!

 

Meaning Once again, we’ve been Douched by ESPN! Ahem, who’s F1 Contract is up at season’s end, since they seem to be treating it just like Indy Cars, obviously right now I say Good Riddance!

 

Even if Liberty Media’s hoping to Gouge the Shit outta whoever lands the new U.S. F1 TV Contract, which Liberty’s hoping to inflate to an Insane $75 million per year TV Rights Fee! Which naturally, those prices will be passed along to the consumer…

 

As may be, just may be it’ll be time to finally Stop caring about Formula 1?

 

As Shame On You ESPN and Liberty Media! 

F1: ESPNews Throws Us another Changeup

Holy Curve Balls Batman! And I Didn’t even get to the Batter’s Box…

 

Longtime readers of No Fenders will know that I’ve long since given up getting up at OH DARK 30 to “Watch,” Err listen to live Formula 1 races. Since being Blind, I’ve never bothered with investing in a DVR since I cannot See it’s required miniscule Colour Coded settings, but I digress…

 

Originally I was reluctantly planning on attempting to stay away thru the entire 8:30-11PM Pacific “encore” presentation on le Duesh’, aka ESPN2. But Hunting ‘N Pecking round Sunday morning on my Zap2It’ TV Guide listings, I stumbled into a much more palatable 4-6:30PM Pacific Formula 1 Racing listing for the day’s Azerbaijan Grand Prix instead.

 

And I thought le Duesh’ was really BAD, But! ESPNews sank to an All-time new Low! As I knew something was up with the Broadcast simply by beginning with a very Hurky Jerky immediate “Lights Out” No Pre-race banter or Pre-grid Warm-up lap, instead just G-O! Which always implies the race is gonna be extended…

 

So imagine my Surprise, Shock and ultimately Disgust when following the Red Flag on lap 48 of 51 due to Max Verstappen’s Mega’ left Rear tyre Blowout at 200mph! Whilst most definitely cruising home to his third F1 win of the season with his Wingman Sergio Perez in tow for Red Bull’s first 1-2 finish since 2016!

 

That instead of us getting to See the race’s final two laps, some perky woman named Charlie interrupted us near the top of the hour, as my Talking Keychain Clock said it was only 5:59PM. Meaning there should have been another Half Hour’s coverage, along with the Mothers Shoe Polish lady interrupting us for one more obligatory Commercial Break!

 

 

But instead Charlie said something to the effect of we know you’ve been enjoying some Formula 1, but now let’s go to some Women’s College Baseball instead, Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot!

 

As this Arkansas vs. Whoever game wasn’t even listed on my TV Guide, which claimed instead that following the 2.5 hours of Formula 1, from 6:30-8PM was supposedly an E60 The Extended version of Project 11, Alex Smith’s Remarkable NFL Comeback from Life Threatening injury programme instead!

 

As it’s Funny Ha-Ha, Not! How the Mainstream Media’s touting the “Fact” that Formula One’s interest is on the rise in good ‘Ol Americre’ due to the popularity of NetFlix F1 series. But Uhm, if you Don’t even get to See the Podium interviews, but more importantly the Wild Final 2-laps of the race, then how can you be building interest? Oh Never Mind!