The 2026 Unlimited Hydroplane season is Finally Here!

But will anybody see or hear ‘em. And how many boats will show up in Indiana?

 

Think Indy Cars Offseason is long? Whale’, then think about H1 Unlimited having gone a gory 292 days since it’s season finale in San Diego, Aye Karumba!

 

And I still Don’t get it? Why H1 Unlimited’s coverage of the sport is so pathetic! Since they held their annual pre-season test at Tri-Cities on May 30^th.

 

Grousing to Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen over there being no report on the sport’s official website! And how the Tri-cities Herald, which only publishes twice weekly seemed to be running a canned story from a year ago? Since it talked about Dave Villwock and another driver who aren’t racing anymore. To which she replied curtly; that’s because Hydroplanes are Dying!

 

Then around June 3rd, I suddenly thought the season kickoff should be occurring any day, Righto? Being surprised to learn that the Guntersville Hydrofest had been cancelled this year, say What?

 

Originally, it looked like my riveting No Fenders yearly preview would be somewhat abbreviated, due to the fact that my primary source H1 Unlimited’s website went “Dark” when visiting the page on June 17th. After there had been no new stories since April 8th. Before noticing the message on the Homepage saying a new website is coming, Huh?

 

Hopefully it will be far superior to RACER’s abomination! Which now over one year later, still isn’t WCAG (Web Content Accessibility Guidelines) compliant! Meaning my screen reader cannot read any of the graphic titles or authors bio’s, being fairly annoying!

 

And that’s after multiple emails with two RACER staff members netting me zero improvement, Urgh!

 

Trying to follow IndyCar is a Hard Job!

 

Otay, rant over, as here’s what little I’d gleaned before the website went Dark. Although I was pleasantly surprised after more sleuthing, or was that sluicing upon Zed Intrawoods’. To learn that nine Hulls had been slated to participate at the Tri-cities test Wayback on May 30th.

 

Tri-Cities Entry list

(Boat #/Boat Name/Driver)

U-00 Maverick, J. Michael Kelly

U-1 BWR Racing, Andrew Tate

U-3 Tahoe Miss, Cory Peabody

U-6 Miss Madison, Brandon Kennedy

U-11 Miss Flav-r-Pac, Jamie Nilsen

U-12 Graham Trucking, Jeff Bernard

U-21 Spirit of America, Gunnar O’Farrell

U-27 Miss Apollo, Jimmy Shane

U-40 Bucket List Racing, Dylan Runn

 

The biggest news being the retirement of Dave Villwock at season’s end, being immediately replaced by the returning Jimmy Shane. As Bruce Rachford’s BWR Racing will have a potent two boat line-up with reigning, three times National High Points Champion (2018, 2024-2025) Andrew Tate proudly carrying the U-1 designation.

 

While Shane, a seven times National High Points Champion (2013-2017, 2019, 2022) was busy testing two Hulls at Kennewick, WA. The U-27 and U-127 Miss Apollo’s, trying to decide which Hull He felt most comfortable in, and which Hull He’ll campaign this season.

 

A five times APBA Gold cup winner, (2014-2015, 2017, 2019, 2021) Shane will be looking to break His tie with the legendous’ Gar Wood. While Tate has won the Gold Cup once in 2018.

 

Second biggest news was the announcement that Strong Racing has rebranded it’s two Hulls for this season, the former U-8 and U-9 now becoming the U-00 and U-3 in a nod to Unlimited history. With funding courtesy of Stephen Hayden and His Tahoe Unlimited museum.

 

Strong Racing rebrands for 2026 with U-00 Maverick and U-3 Tahoe Miss

 

As J. Michael Kelly (2016, 2023) and Cory Peabody (2022, 2024) have both won two Gold Cups apiece. With Kelly also claiming the 2009 and 2023 National High Points championships.

 

Peabody’s first Gold Cup triumph came at Shane’s expense. As Shane appeared to have won His sixth Gold Cup at Guntersville in 2022, only to be disqualified for going off-plane, (below 80mph)enabling Cory His first gold Cup Victory.

 

As H1 Unlimited eliminated the minimum 80mph Planing rule requirement in 2023.

 

Looks like the Miss Madison’s recovering from it’s financial hardship and will campaign a full season with backing from Royer and Goodwin Real Estate. As the latter was Tate’s U-91 primary sponsor last year…

 

Great news to hear that the U-40 Bucket List Racing from Snohomish, WA is returning after sitting out last year’s season. As not sure of either it’s Skipper Dylan Runn or Brendan Kennedy’s rookie status?

 

Although subsequently learned that Runn drove the Miss Madison’s U-6 Miss Home Street Bank in 2023 as Shane’s replacement. And Kennedy earned His rookie status last year also in the U-6 Miss Madison.

 

Whilst totally surprised over the return of the U-12 Graham Trucking which has been off the water for several years now. With returning veteran Skipper Jeff Bernard at the tiller.

 

Then there’s the driver I’d most like to see finally “break His Duck!” And get the Monkey off His back. As Jamie Nilsen and the U-11 crew are long overdue for a maiden Unlimited victory. And Nilsen’s always sniffing at the chequered flag…

 

Lastly is the U-21, which seems to have undergone another name change. But don’t look for the boat at Madison, at least that’s what Gunnar said when interviewed at Tri-Cities.

 

2026 H1 Unlimited Pre-season testing Driver interviews

 

If you’re wondering why I’ve eluded to Gold cup winners, its because with Guntersville’s cancellation, the Gold Cup at Madison, Indiana becomes this year’s season opener.

 

As the schedule consists of just four races, with Madison July 5th. Followed by the Warshington’ double, i.e.; Tri-Cities and Seattle. With Tri-Cities Water Follies taking place July 26th, and Seafair the following week on August 2^nd.

 

Then the season closes out once again in San Diego on Mission Bay, with the Bill Muncey Cup on September 20th.

 

There’s also a new scoring system, which I think now simply tallies all points collected from Qualie’ to Final Heats, but more later, since I’m flying “Blind” on that, Oh Never Mind! 

HYDROS: San Diego Thriller gets waterlogged over elongated Offseason

Like does anybody remember last September?

 

Yeah, it feels like a really, really long time ago when I tuned in for Heat 5 of the Bill Muncey Cup from Bayfair in San Diego via H1 Unlimited’s Hideous Youtube channel Wayback’ on September 14th! As I still don’t understand why I need to jack up the volume an excruciating 46-48 levels! Just in order to be able to hear Brad Luce and Tanner Foust, Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot!

 

Came into the broadcast when Luce was pontificating over Ray Fageol, grandson of the legendous’ Lou Fageol. And everything Ray had done for Bayfair and San Diego regarding Unlimited Hydroplane racing. And “With a little Help from some Friends”, i.e.; the Fageol Family and Fran Muncey, widow of Mr. Hydroplane Bill Muncey. Ray’s ashes were riding along with Dave Villwock aboard the U-27 Miss Apollo. With Luce saying it wasn’t planned, but there goes Villwock as the whoosh of a turbine filled my speakers, Whoosh!

 

While they were killing time for the apparent winner of Heat 4, Villwock to be confirmed. They ran a piece about how the U-11 Flav-R-Pac out of Cle Elem, WA has the youngest crew in the pits. With five 30-somethings working on the boat. As co-owner Sharon Reiny noted their youngest member was only 21 and had been with them since age 11!

 

As they were busy the entire weekend in Mission Bay. With Luce and Foust making jokes about diving deep in the trailer when pulling out their fourth Lycoming T-55 Chinook Helicopter turbine for the final heat…

 

Yet it wasn’t to be for Villwock, who was handed a one minute penalty for encroachment upon J. Michael Kelly in the U-8 Beacon Z. As Kelly had backed out during the race in order to keep from ingesting Salt water, which apparently does grave damage to the turbines. With Kelly electing to save His equipment for the finals.

 

Tuning in early for the final Heat, the Bill Muncey Cup. Luce eulogized Ron Snyder, who passed away that afternoon at age 86. As Snyder drove for many, including the late Bernie Little aboard the Miss Budweiser.

 

Once again had to jack up the volume, come on guys, this is so Mickey Mouse! And even though only four boats were competing it was indeed a Barn Burner! As Brad Luce called a Whale’ of a boat race, in His usual exuberant style…

 

After the four boats played Hide ‘n Seek during the five minutes milling period to the 1:15 minute score-up. Luce mentioned how He hoped Jamie Nilsen had brought His fishing line with Him since the U-11 was practically dead stop floating at the top of the course. With Foust cracking up over this quip!

 

3-2-1 looks like a clean start! With three boats side-by-side. With J. Michael Kelly in the U-8 Beacon Electric in lane two, and the two Bruce Ratchford (BWR Racing) Hydros of Dave Villwock’s U-27 Miss Apollo in lane three. And Andrew Tate’s U-91 Goodwin Real Estate on the outside in lane four.

 

As the boats accelerated down the backstraight, believe Villwock lifted, albeit later Tanner Foust would claim He’d heard a compressor stall, turning it into a two boat battle royale for the bill Muncey cup.

 

Although Tate, the newly crowned 2025 APBA National High Points champion was having to take the longer outside route, with Kelly having boat speed, the two played leapfrog for the lead over the remaining four laps. With Kelly having a two and-a-half boat lead on lap two. Then Tate flexed the U-91’s muscles and led on lap three.

 

Then Kelly led by a slim one and-a-half boat lengths on lap four. While it appeared Tate was pulling away down the backstretch, with Foust saying both drivers were flying their boats!

 

Then Luce emphatically shouted that Kely had taken the lead at the north’s top end corner and would hold on to beat Tate by a very slim margin. Before an exhausted Luce said He was going to sit down!

 

Claiming that was worth the trip, the whole weekend, the whole season. With Foust saying He’d never witnessed a closer boat race…

 

As have to say it totally reminded me of my All-time favourite race on Lake Washington. Which unfortunately today, some fifty-plus years later, I still haven’t been able to decide which year it was between 1973-1975 when the Miss Budweiser and Pride of Pay n’ Pak went deck-to-deck for all five laps with the dreaded Pak winning by 100 yards…

 

But Hey, that was some friggin’ eight and one half Gory months ago! And how many people remember it or watched the race?

 

BWR Racing: Bruce Ratchford’s bold vision for Hydroplane’s future 

HYDROS: Atlas Van Lines latest Hotschue’

But Don’t blink, or you’ll Miss Him sticking His Boots in Lake Washington…

 

Yeah, I know we’re All getting wound-up over Ye momentous Day-Toner’ 500 upcoming this weekend.

As typical, this story got washed down sometime last year, and I just managed to finally spool-up Ye waterlogged turbine…

 

Actually managed to tune-in to Heat 3B and Seattle Seafair Final race this past August via H1 Unlimited’s Youtube channel. Which had somewhat better sound quality, only needing to crank up the volume by 16-20 levels…

 

Reading H1 Unlimited’s pathetic dribbled of News content on their website, I learned that ‘Ol JJ’, aka Jimmie Johnson would be driving the Atlas Van Lines fabled “Blue Blaster” during an exhibition run Friday afternoon on Lake Washington.

 

If this is the boat I think it is? Since have I reminded Y’all I’m Blind lately? Although I’m fairly certain having confirmed it was the first of the successful Cabover designed Unlimited Hydroplanes. Then its Uber Funny for Mwah. Since I recall always thinking the boat looked ugly!

 

As I can visually remember it having no engine cowling for the exposed Rolls Royce Merlin V-12 (WWII Airplane) engine behind the cockpit, and the boat always lunging forwards out of the water, with a dull, silver engine plemum exposed…

 

Yet that being said, it was one of the most successful Hulls in Unlimited Hydroplane racing. With Bill Muncey “Three-peating” at its tiller. Winning the 1977-79 APBA Gold Cup races, and the 1978-79 National High Points Championships. Along with a total of 24 victories aboard this Hull.

 

Yet being a devoted Miss Budweiser fan, it wasn’t until Bernie Little claimed another “Unfair Advantage” with the Rolls Royce Griffon powered Miss Bud, which ended Muncey’s streak! As the Griffon powered Budweiser itself became unbeatable between 1980-84. Although we lost the second star Unlimited driver Dean Chenoweth, when His Mis Bud Hydroplane flipped at the Tri-Cities race on the Columbia River in 1982.

 

But back to ‘Ol JJ’ and last summer’s romp in the fabled Blue blaster. Having read that Johnson was reuniting His longtime association with the Muncey family and Miss Atlas Van Lines.

 

During Jimmie’s 2024 induction to the Motorsports Hall of Fame Of America, (MSHFA) a picture resurfaced of Jimmie Age 4 sitting upon the Blue Blaster at Mission Bay in 1979. When Bill Muncey’s Hydroplane had broken down during competition on Mr. Hydro’s Home court in San Diego.

 

As this is the very same Blue Blaster that Muncey lost His life aboard in Acapulco in 1981. Which ironically I “celebrated” the 30 year anniversary the very same weekend that Danny-boy Spike’ Wheldon was meeting His maker in Las Vegas…

 

HYDROS: The Day the Sport’s King met His Maker

 

Jimmie mused His Dad used to take Him to the Hydroplane races, which fell on His birthday weekend. Watching the action from Fiesta Island. Where Muncey’s Blue Blaster floated to after retiring that day, some 46 years prior…

 

Another Motorsports Hall of Fame of America inductee, Chip Hanauer, Class of 1995. The youngest ever MSHFA inductee “reached out” to Johnson during His induction ceremonies over possibly driving the restored Miss Atlas Van Lines. Which naturally, JJ’ got very excited about!

 

As I love hearing Jimmie wryly not He’d learned where the Merlin’s redline was, and pushed the Blue Blaster up to the limit…

 

VIDEO: Jimmie Johnson Drives the 1977 “Blue Blaster” Unlimited Hydroplane

 

While you may enjoy this 16 minutes H1 Unlimited Onboard video, which chronicles the entire driving experience, i.e.; somewhat troublesome start-up to returning to the Stan Sayres Dock…

 

VIDEO: Onboard with NASCAR Champion Jimmie Johnson driving Bill Muncey’s 1977 Atlas Van Lines Blue blaster

 

As Chip Hanauer, third winningest Unlimited Hydroplane driver, including 11 Gold Cup wins served as Jimmie’s mentor. And can be heard saying Well Fucking done! At the end of the video.

 

While its interesting hearing Johnson describing how physical driving the Hydroplane was. How it wanted to hunt round and constantly moved about after getting on plane…

 

Meanwhile, Johnson’s “Day Job”, if Yuhs can call it that? Since JJ’ has only been contesting NASCAR Cup races on a part-time basis since 2023. Will once again enter this year’s Daytona 500 in His No. 84 Toyota Camary.

 

As the seven times NASCAR Champion became majority owner of Legacy Motor Club last year. With the team fielding Charter team entries for the No. 42 of John Hunter Nemechek and No. 43 of Erik Jones also driving Toyota’s.

 

As Legacy Motor Club and Rick Ware Racing (RWR) have settled their lawsuit of last year, stemming over sale of one of RWR’s vaunted Charter.

 

Whilst I was totally unawares’ that RASSCAR’ will be racing at Naval Base Coronado, beginning this June 19-21. Until reading Jimmie’s press release for His participation in this year’s Day-Toner’ 500. Ironically making the announcement the very same day that Greg Biffle’s Jet crashed in North Carolina…

 

As Johnson, now Age 50, a native of El Cajon, California, will also compete in this summer’s inaugural San Diego Street Race., aboard His No. 84 Legacy Motor Club’s Toy-Yoter’ Camry. Thus completing another “full Circle” adventure, albeit I believe Four Lefts makes a Circle!

 

As JJ’ will pull “Double Duty” in San Diego. Also driving the No. 1 Tricom Garage’s Toyota Tundra PickEmUp’ Truck in the inaugural Craftsman Truc Series race at Naval Base Coronado.

 

Since that’s where this story all began at, Wayback’ in Gory 1979 on Mission Bay’s Fiesta Island. Arse-sumedly just a Hop ‘N Skip away from Naval Base Coronado, Righto?

 

Johnson, who’s tied with Cale Yarborough for sixth in career victories with 83 apiece, finished third in last year’s Day-Toner’ 500. With the two times Daytona 500 winner (2006, 2013) capping His 700th Cup start in last year’s Charlotte Coca-Cola 600 All Star race. 

Biffle, Hamlin and North Carolina Blues

Making me wonder if Thars’ something in the Water, there?

 

What’s that old saying about Bad things come in Three’s? Although obviously this could occur in any state or locale…

 

VIDEO: Song Sung Blue

 

By now, its old news that on December 18th, a Cessna Citation C550 Business Jet carrying the Biffle family and three associates, a total of seven people were killed when their aircraft crashed and erupted into flames following an emergency landing.

 

NASCAR Star Greg Biffle, His wife Christina, their son Ryder and Greg’s daughter Emma. Plus Dennis and Jack Sutton, and Craig Wadsworth were the seven identified victims of this crash.

 

As Dennis Sutton was a retired Delta Airlines pilot, Age 67, whose son Jack was 30yrs old and had just obtained His private pilot’s license. While Wadsworth was a friend, and former Kenny Wallace Motorcoach driver.

 

The flight was intended to go to Sarasota, Florida, presumably to attend Cleetus McFarland’s (Garrett Mitchell) Bradenton Christmas Tree  Drag Races on December 20th.

 

Dennis Sutton was a Captain at Delta, and theoretically was flying the Citation 550 that fateful day. Although there has been some conjecture on whether or not He held the certification for flying the Jet in single pilot configuration? And if His son, or somebody else was in the co-pilot’s seat? While the NTSB’s onsite briefing claimed they had a pretty good idea of who was in the pilot’s left seat…

 

The Jet took off and then immediately began a return to the airfield ten minutes later. As we’ve also been told of one person aboard texting the words emergency landing before the crash. As I can only speculate to the plane having some sort of engine malady, prompting this return. Since much speculation seems to focus upon the right hand No. 2 engine…

 

I’m certainly not a pilot, nor know the correct Airplane “lingo”. But from what I’ve been told, the plane came in too slow and too low. Before clipping an airfield light stanchion and adjoining trees some 1,800 feet short of the runway, before violently erupting into flames!

 

As the incident occurred at North Carolina’s Statesville Regional Airport approximately 10:20AM local time. And the Cessna Jet was below the tree-line and light stanchion due to erratic level of flight upon approach.

 

VIDEO: Greg Biffle Dec 18th Initial Crash report

 

Gregory Jack Biffle was born on December 23, 1969, in Vancouver, Washington, and is one of only two Warshingtonion’ natives who’ve won races in the modern-day NASCAR Cup series. The other being that ‘lil Boy from Enumclaw, WA, Kasey Kahne.

 

Local Boy Done good again!

 

Believe I read or heard somewhere that The Bif’, aka Greg Biffle was one of only 36 Drivers to have won races in all three major series, i.e.; Trucks, Busch and Cup…

 

Biffle was the 1998 Craftsman Trucks and 2001 Bush Series Rookie Of the Year. Along with winning Most Popular Honours in both series in 2000 and 2002 respectively.

 

Biffle was the 2000 NASCAR Craftsman Trucks and 2002 NASCAR Busch Series Champion. And drove the majority of His career for Jack Roush. Including His 14 Fulltime seasons with Roush Fenway Racing between 2003-2016.

 

Biffle amassed a total of 515 NASCAR Cup starts over 16 years. Claiming 19 wins, 175 Top 10 finishes and 13 Poles. And was voted one of NASCAR’s Greatest 75 Drivers in 2023.

 

Biffle died five days before His 56th birthday, making me wonder if the trip to Florida wasn’t to also celebrate His upcoming birthday, as well as the Holidays…

 

As Biffle’s plane crash was preceded by Shigeaki Shigi’ Hattori’s death on April 9, 2025, in Huntersville, North Carolina. When Shigi’s car crossed the centerline and was involved in a Head-on collision.

 

Then just three days prior to New Years, we learned that the home of Dennis and Mary Lou Hamlin, parents of Denny’s, was engulfed in fire Sunday evening. (Dec 28th)

 

Although the couple escaped the fire, Dennis, Age 75 was pronounced Dead following the incident. With Denny’s 69yr old mother Mary Lou in Critical condition and taken to Hospital. Presumably for serious Burns from the fire. While I haven’t read anything further upon Her condition…

 

As I’ve waited posting this, hoping to here what the NTSB’s preliminary findings report would say. Which should theoretically have been published 30 days afterwards.

 

Yet due to some Comedian at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Thars’ a lack of competent Federal Employees working these days! As these findings seem to now be taking 45-60 days or more to be released.

 

And that’s before any “partial” Government Shutdowns or invading Foreign countries like I dunno, Grenada?

 

Ah, I love the Smell of Narcissism in the Morning!

Update

How could I have forgotten about Derrike Cope, who grew up in Spanaway, Washington. Winner of the 1990 Daytona 500, His debutante NASCAR victory! Driving for the long forgotten Whitcomb Racing team, in their No. 10 Purolator Pontiac. As ‘Ol Ironhead’, aka Thee Intimidator’, ergo Dale Earnhardt Sr. had dominated the 1990 race. Before running over debris in Turn-3 on the final lap, and cutting a tyre. Allowing Cope to drive pass for the unexpected victory.

No Fenders Boxing Day Holidazes Tradition continues

A not so subtle Barrage Balloon being deployed on the Eastern Front. (The Tomaso Collection)

 

Apparently Ye Red Baron Done Shot Up this No Fenders Post, ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack!

 

“Everybody Knows A Turkey and some Missletoe

Helps to Keep the Season Bright!”

 

Although neither Snoopy or thou Red Baron will be taking Off today. Since it feels Nippy enough for another very rare arrival of Snow here in Bumfiddle’ Florence, which is a rarity due to our proximity to Sea level Ho Ho Ho!

 

As little did I, or cadres ‘O it’s loyal listeners then knew. That the day after Veterans Day 2022, would be the final time that  Cool FM, Eugene’s 99.1FM Radio Station. Which None of us can pick up anymore on Ye Oregon Coast via Florence’s Transmitter. When it’s Not Foggy, Raining, Hailing out and you’re holding your Elboz’ just right, Oh Never Mind!

 

Would Began Thar final, yearly, multi-weeks Holiday Programming of playing Nonstop round Ye clock 24/7 Nothing but Ack Ack Ack Christmas Songs Barrage goes thru New Years.

 

At first I couldn’t figure out why they went off the Air for weeks in February? Before one day they returned to the Airwaves as The Beat! Playing Hideous 1990-2000’s Teeny-bopper’ Rap ‘n Hip Hop music, WTF! A far cry from what I enjoyed listening to on their radio station for nearly five years! Since Ain’t Thar something about five Golden Rings?

 

As this is a really crappy way of telling me I’m a Dinosaur, and my Age Demographic Don’t matter to Yuhs G-Damn Advertisers! Although News Flash, I refuse to listen to your new format Bastardoes!

 

I actually enjoyed this yearly tradition, since it was the only time ‘O year Yuhs could Hear such Classics as John Lennon’s so this is Christmas, which is definitely my Numero Uno X-Mas Song!

 

Along with The Beach Boys ‘lil Saint Nick “run-run Reindeer” song. Or I want A Hippopotamus for Christmas. Alvin and The Chipmunks, chuck Berry’s Run-Run Rudolf, You’re A Mean One Mr. Grinch along with other various Classics like Bing Crosby and David Bowies Peace On Earth-Little Drummer Boy Duet et Al.

 

Not to mention I would always hear some Vintage Christmas song I hadn’t heard before. As one year I spent several weeks trying to figure out that it was The Carpenters singing Sleigh ride from their 1978 Album Christmas Portrait, but I digress…

 

VIDEO: Sleigh Ride

 

Whilst I most definitely got a Smile on my face when hearing for the very first time ever during the winter of 2021, The Ballad of Snoopy’s Yuletide Dogfight!

 

VIDEO: Father Christmas: Snoopy’s Christmas vs. the Red Baron

 

As the song is by The Royal Guardsmen, a Florida Rock Band who later became known as the “Snoopy Band!” As their Snoopy Christmas song was recorded in 1966. With the song reaching No. 2 on the billboard Hot 100 and was certified Gold in early ’67.

 

Funniest bit ‘O trivia is the Band recorded the song without Charles Schulz’s initial permission. So their record label Up North Eh! In Ye Great White North of Oh Kanaduh’ refused to release it due to potential legal issues Stateside with Messer Schulz.

 

So the Band put out a very blatant re-issue called Squeaky ant The Black Knight Up North Eh! Which also became popular in Ye Frozen Tundra before Schulz gave his permission for the song.

 

Hence, naturally I got a Wild Hair to “See” if I could find said Squeaky and The Black Knight Great White North “Import” version, for which I was super Surprised that it came up almost immediately, Ja Volt!

 

VIDEO: Snoopy vs. the Black Knight

 

And although Snoopy, Woodstock and Ye Red Baron All lived to Fight Another Gory Day, Ho Ho Ho! Unfortunately that Damn Baron Von Richthofen done Destroyed a perfectly good working radio station, meaning Thar won’t be no round thee clock Christmas music to listen to this year upon thoust Mystical Isle of NoFendersville…

 

Since after All, It used to be  the “Most Wonderful Time of The Year,” SPEW! Now, does anybody know where I can buy a Turkey? Or how Much this Damn Bird Weighs? Ho Ho Ho…

 

Then last year, I heard for the first time ‘Ol BJ “Raindrops are Falling” Thomas! Play me my new favourite Sing-along song. Yuhs know about Somebody doin’ Somebody wrong…

 

VIDEO: Hey, won’t you Play another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song

 

Whilst just shy of three weeks before Christmas this year. On a Friday evening, Coast Radio played a song about a Reindeer in Overalls and sportin’ a John Deere Tractor Cap! Hearing Leroy the Redneck Reindeer for my very frist time ever, which definitely cracked me up and brought a smile to my face…

 

VIDEO: Leroy the Redneck Reindeer

 

Happy boxing Day, Yall!

 

Image C/O No Fenders Offical’ Photographer CARPETS’ – Somewhere’ on the Wabash… 

Fandom Killing, iHeart style

Can you Hear me now iHeart Radio!

 

Every fall, when motor racing’s primarily over and I’m looking for other sporting events for “entertainment’s” value. I get sucked into the never ending, nauseating iHeart Radio vortex, which instantly leaves me fuming!

 

Believe it was a year ago when I painfully tried tuning into a Sounders FC playoffs match. Pulling up the requisite radio channel on Ye Intrawoods’, (internet) only to be told repeatedly. Thanks for tuning in but you’re not allowed to listen to Play by Play radio. Check the iHeart Radio App if you feel you’ve reached this in error, WTF?

 

As I’d run into this same Buzz Joy Killer one year earlier when foolishly trying to listen to a Seahawks playoff game, Sigh! Why are you precluding me from listening, you Bastardoes!

 

Now here’s the rub. Even though I got the first match’s start time wrong. Tuning in at 7PM Pacific, for the start of the second Half. Game

1 of the Sounders FC vs. Minnesota Loons came piping in crystal clear with decent sound via Seattle’s KJR Radio 950AM. Which unfortunately Seattle lost 3-2 in PK’s, ergo Penalty Kick Shootout at Allianz Stadium.

 

Hmm, I still remember visiting the local Allianz insurance office in Traben-Trarbach, when visiting  Germany in 2002. When they sponsored the Williams BMW Formula 1 team. Having noticed a poster in the window. The man in the office was quite confused over why we Americans would want a poster or were so excited about it? Before He ended up giving us three Allianz F1 posters; two of Ralf Schumacher, and one of Juan Pablo Montoya. As the blue and white Team Willy’ Cars were quite Sharp lookin’, but I digress…

 

So I waited a week for the second match of the first round between Seattle and Minnesota at Lumen Field. And naturally was Cornfuzed’ and ultimately Peeved over the Intrawoods’ telling me that I couldn’t listen to the Play by Play in my area on the iHeart mobile App. But I’m trying to listen to the game on my Desktop Confuzer you stupid iHeart Radio!

 

This was after I’d tuned in to KJR 950AM and listened to what seemed like five Freakin’ minutes of commercials before returning to some College football weekly review program or some other El Stupidio Stick ‘n Ball sports show nonsense. Before the Sounders FC pregame banter should have begun.

 

Strangely, the game was being aired on (Fox Sports) FS1, so I turned it on and listened to two very annoying sounding voices for the end of the pregame prattle. Hoping they’d be replaced by somebody else to no avail.

 

After Seattle scored first to go ahead One-Nil in the eighth minute  and I’d gotten tired of the announcers. I stupidly spent some twenty-plus minutes searching the Internets’ for another way to listen to the Sounders FC radio announcers instead. With the annoying you still cannot listen to this loop announcement telling me to visit the iHeart Help webpage which I did.

 

But every way I tried searching for

Info kept coming up with the same answer. About why I couldn’t listen Advertisement Free to the program. But I’m not trying to do that you Bloody Wankers!

 

So I tried going to Tune in Radio instead, but got the same you cannot listen to our program loop announcement. As Gory Hell! I’m in Freaking BumFiddle’ Oregon! So why are you blocking me from listening to a sporting event being played in Warshington’, Buggers!

 

Thus, when I resigned myself to “watching”, Err listening to the match back on FS1. I tuned back in as Minnesota scored a second, sloppy goal to tighten the score to 3-2 at the end of the first half! Before Seattle sealed the Dealio’ with a late, fourth goal to win 4-2 and extend the series Game 3 at Minnesota.

 

Naturally, being at the frozen tundra of Allianz Stadium in Minny HaHa! I was able to once again listen to the majority of the pregame banter on Seattle’s KJR 950AM, via Zed Intrawoods’. Before listening to the entire, Whale’, almost entire match on my Confuzer, Riddle me that!

 

The game started off brilliantly, with Seattle stunning Minnesota Two-Nil inside the first 10 minutes! Before the Sounders let down on a Free-kick for the score to be 2-1 at Halftime. Although one of the Loons players received a Red card for a Head-bunt, meaning Minnesota would be a man down the rest of the match.

 

Yet inexplicably, Seattle let Minnesota score two unanswered goals, after Danny Musovski? Or somebody else had planked another shot off of the Loons “12^th Man”, the Crossbar!

 

Yet after late game substitutions, Seattle scored again to knot the match at 3-3 in the game’s 88th minute. To which I immediately said to my speakers, its gonna go to PK’s…

 

Interestingly, Seattle subbed in back-up Goalkeeper Andrew Thomas, as part of those late substitutions. As Thomas is 12 years younger then No. 1 Keeper’ Stefan Frei.

 

And as one of the radio announcers marveled. You cannot make this stuff up! Since after Thomas had lunged the correct direction when the Loons first penalty kick missed wide right. Thomas somehow injured His hand! With speculation suggesting a dislocated finger?

 

As Seattle’s trainers instantly taped up His injured Hand. Yet during this lull, and the Sounders FC Albert Rusnak making Seattle’s first PK. The pregame announcer broke in to alert us, that if PK’s went more than ten minutes, we’d need to “seamlessly” switch over to the Sounders FC Streaming Channel, Say What?

 

Next, Jordan Morris hit the Crossbar, Seattle’s third time  in the two Penalty Kicks Shootout (to that point) that the Rave Green’s shots had errantly hit the crossbar, Shite!

 

And right after the Sounders third shot calmly into the back of the net, much to Minnesota Goalkeeper Dayne St. Clair’s chagrin. The speakers said 15 seconds until Kraken. Going directly into the Seattle Kraken’s pregame show Motha Fokkers

 

As I just laughed in outrage, and shook my head as I got up dejectedly from my Confuzer! Before sitting back down again after cancelling the Kraken Blather. And then tried briefly to find said streaming channel before giving up, without knowing the outcome of the match, Unbelievable!

 

So I guess I’m not shocked over the Kraken knocking the sounders off the air. But what I don’t understand, is why would you purposely keep Fans living in another state from listening to games being played in Seattle?

 

Its not like I was asking to listen commercial free you dolts! But I just cannot figure out why you’d want to prevent Fans from listening to a broadcast? Making me somewhat hope that Seattle lost and I wouldn’t have to endure any more of this Bullshit! Not finding out the results for another four hours…

 

Oh yeah, when I tried going directly to iHeart radio’s website. My screen reader “Zoey the Princess Warrior read out  grid with one column and 15 rows. But naturally they were all graphics Jackarses! Meaning once again, my screen reader couldn’t read me anything…

 

Could we please knock this Shit off of being lazy and using graphics which are not screen reader friendly for those of us without vision! Being just one more reason I Hate iHeart Radio!

 

Knock this Shit Off you Website Developers!

 

Can you Hear me RACER! 

The Tomaso Files: Mariners bring Hope. Give Joy, and then Despair

Do we have to go Home? As Hang 10’ Hilo eagerly anticipates another Mariners Baseball game. (The Tomaso Collection)

 

As the Mariners leave Seattle Hanging again, after another errant Slider…

 

Hey, I saw a flock of Blue Jays

Looking for the Stadium near Sodo’

From my Amtrak train’s window

 

Hilo’s paws aren’t Hairy

Wrapped in a Blanket for the cold

He’d like to meet My Tailor

And only wants the Beef from my bowl of Chow Mein

And Not the Noodles

 

Toronto got Mutilated Monday night

At Rodgers Stadium

Better stay away from Team Mobile Park

Ah Whoo, Mariners on the Rampage!

 

Dave Neihaus’s statue is perfect

Although He’s sporting a Mustache now

Saying My, Oh, My!

Time to get out the Rye Bread ‘n Mustard Grandma

Ah Whoo, Mariners on the Rampage!

 

But Jack Nicholson’s in LaLa land

Watching the Dodgers

(On their way to the World Series)

And the Trader Vic’s closed for the night

So no Pina Coladas

 

Just me, Hang 10’ Hilo

Eatin’ T-Bone Steaks

While the Mariners are on the Rampage!

 

Ah Whoo, Mariners on the Rampage!

Ah Whoo, Mariners on the Rampage!

 

So, ever wondered what your Haggard, but Humble No Fenders Scribe Tomaso does in the midst ‘O winter when Thars’ no Gory IndyCar?

 

Yep, you guessed it! I come up with other wacky, zany ways to stay entertained during the six months Hibernation…

 

Having Oh, so cleverly come up with that witty Mariners Ditty, Chuh-ching! After the Mariners had rocketed ahead of those pesky Blue Jays 2-0. But we All know how that turned out, BOOH!

 

I’m not a Baseball Fan and had even gone so far as taking the Mariners section off of my NFB Newsline for The Blind’s news feed. Since every year, the Mariners start off Hot, get everyone talking about playoffs and then Thud!

 

Yet this year was different, and thus, I sat down and “watched”, Err listened to my first baseball game in forever! Naturally picking Game 1 of the Mariners vs. Detroit Tigers, which they lost 3-2 in 11 innings, Stee-rike!

 

Thus I only paid cursory attention to the next few games, until it was Game 5 in Seattle.

 

In years past, I wouldn’t have bothered at all. But instead, picking a Doozy! I sat thru the entire game which took five hours to complete. Lasting until the 15th inning when gloriously, Mariners second baseman Jorge Polanco drove in the winning run with a single. With the Mariners victorious 3-2, advancing to the American League Championship series (ALCS) for the first times since 2001!

 

What I enjoyed most about that game was the Mariners “Unsung” Heroes pitching in. Most notably Leo Rivas, celebrating His 28th birthday no less! Hitting a single (RBI) in the seventh inning to tie the score 2-2.

 

Not to mention Seattle’s pitchers coming out of the Bullpen. Not having done so since College or earlier…

 

As I really enjoyed The Seattle Times article upon the late “voice” of the Mariners Dave Niehaus’s daughter Greta sitting with Her immortalized Pops’ at the end of Game 5. Which I feel sums up Mariners baseball perfectly.

 

Dave Niehaus statue helped His Daughter get thru Mariners Game 5 Win

 

Totally missed Game 1 of the Best of Seven vs. Toronto, before tuning in late to Game 2 to hear the announcer saying Seattle leads 2-0 before joining our normally scheduled program already in progress…

 

Then I forgot about Game 3, presumably distracted scribblin’ that Ditty before departing to Warshington’. Then wondering somewhere round Olympia-Lacey, how the Mariners playing at T-Mobil Park would impact my arrival via Amtrak to Tacoma that evening during Game 4.

 

Although the train was sufficiently late enough that the only problema was Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen trying to find parking at the station. Having to park some four-plus blocks away due to everyone taking the “Sounder” train to the Ballpark…

 

Not learning until the next day that the series was tied-up 2-2, Yikes! Before later that evening, learning that Game 5 was now tied 2-2 in the bottom of the eighth inning.

 

As we tuned-in at the perfect time, after I marveled over how old Rick Riz now sounded on the radio. Justin-time to hear Riz pull an Oldie but Goodie out of His vast repartee.

 

Exclaiming Get out the rye bread and  Mustard Grandma, it’s Grand Salami time! As Eugenio Suarez hit a Grand Slam to put the Mariners ahead 6-2, which would be the game’s final score. With Riz giving credit to the Grand Salami call being from Dave Niehaus, which He’d made famous.

 

Having heard Niehaus call it many times on the radio. most notably during the 1995 playoffs vs. those dreaded New York Yankees! Becoming Folklore in Seattle when Edgar Martinez hit that Grand Salami on October 27, 1995, also in the eighth inning…

 

Dave Niehaus calls Edgar Martinez’s Grand Slam in 1995 ALDS Game 4

 

Yet it wasn’t meant to be. As we tried tuning into Game 7, but the local radio had Steve “Holy Catfish” Raible calling the Seahawks instead. As the Mariners were pre-empted by the Hawks playing a Monday Night football game, Swell!

 

Checking the score, the Mariners were leading 3-1 in the top of the seventh inning in Toronto, so it was looking good. Before we discovered the next morning that the Blue Jays had scored three runs in the bottom of the seventh and prevailed 4-3 to face the Los Angeles Dodgers in the World Series, Sayonara!

 

Alas, although the Mariners advanced the furthest in team history. Playing in their first ALCS in 24 years. They’ve still never managed to play in the World Seirs, My Oh My!

 

Apologies to Warren Zevon, who’s probably rolling over now over my butchering of Werewolves in London! Or perhaps He’s simply Howling in despair, AhWhoo!