Tuesday, May 31, 2022

An electrifying Night Before the 500’

As there was most definitely “A Disturbance in The Force!”


So I was trying to carry out another one of my Silly Indy 500 traditions, when I listen to the Roast of Bobby Unser the Night before that ‘Ol R’, aka Ye Curmudgeon ‘O IndyCar Robin Miller MC’ed Wayback’ in 2018. Which even though I’ve”Watched,” Err listened to it now several times over the years,  still makes me laugh and brings a Smile to my Face!


As the video weighs in at 47mins and I was right at the part where El Capitano’, nee Roger Penske was telling us how Uncle bobby had had His Mechanics Drain the normal Mobil 1/Pennzoil Gearbox lubricants in order to put in some Amsoil, since Bobby had a connection with the latter, and was probably just trying to get a Buck from Amsoil when the video abruptly Stopped at 8:05PM Pacific and the screen when Dark!


To which I quickly discerned when None of the House lights would come on, we’d lost our Power! As we’d been having major Gusting Winds All Day along the Oregon Coast, along with what my telephone news reported as a Soaking Rain! And I just muttered to myself how long will the power be out, and will this Screw Me Outta listening to the Indy 500 Radio Broadcast Sunday?


Strange Days Indeed!

As All I can say is It’s A Strange World After all! As it’s really Funny what Pisses Us Off as Humans! Since I absolutely know that Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen would immediately tell me I’m Having A First World Problem!


Nonetheless, I was absolutely Bummed Out when spending the entire Hour plus Pre-race Sunday morning trying to No Avail to get my El Stupidio Spectrum Internet service to Gory connect! For which it simply wouldn’t do, with the Indycar.com Radio Webpage saying it had simply timed out and that I needed to Check My Internet Connection, which surely was a biproduct of the previous evening’s Power Outage, el Correctomundo!


So Dejectedly, I listened to NBC’s TV Broadcast instead for this first time during the entire Month ‘O May, for which All I can say is that it just seemed really Milktoast!


Now Don’t get me wrong, as I totally prefer having NBC doing IndyCar vs. those Sleep Inducing Augusta 18th Hole Golf match Snoozers ABC used to produce, But!


May be it was just Mwah, when constantly Hitting the Mute Button for another round of Nothing But Commercials! But I found it Uber Annoying that All Leigh Diffey said was that Rinus VeeKay was Out before the commercials began! And then they Never showed a replay or told us what Happened? As it wasn’t until rinus was released from the Infield Care Center talking to Kevin Lee multiple laps later, noting the Dejection in VeeKay’s voice that we learned that He’d simply lost it in Turn 2, which would be the Achilles Heel of Mother Speedway for several drivers during the course of the race.


And then even more annoying was Hearing Diffey telling us You Won’t Miss Anything as we go Side-by-Side Nonstop for our next Commercial Break! Which if you’re Freakin’ blind like Mwah, than Y’all Cannot See Anything in some teensy weansy Cardboard cutout Onscreen Box!


And I simply do Not want to Hear a single solitary word about Rutledge “Bake Me A Cake” Woods driving a Swamp Boat somewhere in the Infield! Or Rutledge showing us the view of Roger Penske and His Family watching the race from the top of the Pagoda! Like do I really need to be reminded how Privledged roger is whilst I can’t even have working Internets’, Spew!


And then I suppose Strike 3 would be another Yellow Flag Caution thrown on Lap 157? When Diffey proclaimed it’s gonna get wild with 43 laps remaining while Never telling us who caused the latest Caution! Instead with Kevin Lee Me Thinks? Talking to colton Herta who Race Control “Parked” for running too Slow before Yuhs Guessed It. Another Deluge ‘O Freakin’ Commercials, Barf!


As it wasn’t until with 35-33 laps remaining that somebody talked to Scott McLaughlin after having been released from the Infield Care Center that I was able to figure out who’d Crashed…


And so much for being the “Iceman,” Eh? As Scott Dixon will be cursing  Himself for another year for letting another Indy 500 Slip thru his fingers, especially after leading 95 laps enroute to surpassing Al Unser Sr. for All-time Career laps led at Mother Speedway.


Although I had to wonder if Dixon’s Speeding Penalty was possibly related to the issue of teams Pulling Back the Brake Pads to reduce rolling friction we’ve Heard about. Or did Soctt simply miss judge the Pit entrance by that elusive Milli-fraction?


Whilst is it just Mwah? But who was the one of Cheep’s five Drivers Nobody talked much about? Since it was All about Dixon and Alex Palou on row 1. TK’ follow Your Schnoz! Kanaan and whenever Jimmie Johnson sneezed, Thar was a Slow Motion Frame by Frame Breakdown… As I had to momentarily “Note to Self!” I was Rootin’ against my Numero Uno IndyCar Driver Pato O’Ward when sitting with two sets ‘O fingers Crossed and Cheering for Marcus Ericsson! But I simply never felt that Pato had the Car to win…


As suppose I’m Name Dropping here now? But I still remember that Ericsson was the Only active Formula 1 Driver willing to let me take my picture with Him Wayback’ at Willie Buxom’s Buxton Bigtime Bash in Austin, Texas during the 2014 Formula 1 weekend at COTA when being a Sauber F1 Pilote.


Whilst the only other driver who let me take a picture with Him was Bad Arse Yank’ GP2 racer and Marussia F1 Reserve Driver, somebody named Alexander Rossi, as perhaps Y’all have Heard of Him? As it’s pretty Funny how they both went on to become Indianapolis 500 winners!


And then NBC reminded me again why I Hate their TV Broadcasts, since the Post race was immediately shoved over to Peacock, which I Don’t Have! And do Not plan on getting Anytime soon! Not to mention Bellowing Shut Up everytime Queen Danica started talking! While ‘lil E’, aka Dale Earnhardt Jr. just seems completely Out of place during an Open Wheel Racing Broadcast…


Then Who’d Ah-thunk It? As Silly Me, how would I know that I simply needed to call Spectrum and have them Automatically Reboot my Modem in order to restore my Internet Connection, Eh? Which I did following the race. As Strange Days Indeedy!


Whilst I just remembered that following this year’s Texas race, Mary ellen asked me who I’d been Rootin’ for at the end of the race, to which I replied Marcus Ericsson, who finished third…


Congratulations Marcus Ericsson! 

Sunday, May 29, 2022

My Yearly Indy 500 Race Day Tradition

Although I’ve got a Ton ‘O Great Memories from my 7 Indy 500’s Attended…


Seems like a Mega’ amount ‘O time has been spent talking about Us Fans Indy 500 Traditions. For which I probably did before? But definitely have been doing in earnest yearly since 2019, when I prefer actually listening to the race being called via Old Fashioned Radio…


As I look forward each May to Hearing the voices of Mark Gravelly’ James, Davey Hamilton, Nicky Salt’ Yeoman, Jake The Riddler’ Query and Michael Screech’ Young.

Along with Hopefully my two favourite Pitlane Reporters Ryan Marin and Alex wolff on the IndyCar Radio Network via Indycar.com’s Screen Reader Friendly webpage. Especially since for reasons unknown, this year I haven’t been able to Pull Up The Fan’s WFNI 1075AM Radio Broadcast via Zed Internets.


Whilst I appreciate a fellow blogger echoing some of my past sentiments regarding NBC’s Month ‘O May TV Coverage. Noting how it’s just a tad Bit too Mucho NASCAR Centric, which I’ve previously scribbled about on No Fenders.


Nothing But Promotions?

as once again I eagerly await the actual race beginning! But not All of the Bullshit Pre-race Banter, Err Hype upon Ye Peacock, Uhm Big NBC. Which Y’all know totally stands for Nothing But Commercials!


Since even though I like Leigh Diffey, Townsend Bell and James Hinchcliffe, and try “Supporting” IndyCar’s television partner by typically “watching,” Err listening to the races.


Yet I simply cannot fathom stomaching Four-plus Hours of Queen Danica, ‘lil Ironhead’ (Dale Earnhardt, Jr.) Steve “I Knows Everything” Letarte and especially Rutledge “Bake Me A Cake” Wood’s Uber Insightfulness, SPEW!


As I still say this is nothing more than an multi Hours Infomercial primer’ for the upcoming RASSCAR’ Roundy round season on NBC, BARF!


Not to mention I’ve never been a Fan of Marty Snidely Whiplash! Snyder or Kevin The Wherewolf’ Lee’s Reading from a Queue Card demeanour. OOPS, what’s that ‘bout Not saying Anything if you Don’t Uhm? Oh Never Mind!


The legendous’ Dr. who…

Part of what I enjoy most about listening to IndyCar Radio Broadcasts is how they’ve got more time to go Down various Wabbit Holes’ that TV doesn’t, since they’re Nothing But commercials! But don’t get me wrong, IndyCar Radio does it’s own version of what I tend to Bellow at Ye Confuzer’s Speakers: Commercial City!

Nonetheless, I do enjoy how they get to spend more time interviewing people and telling stories.


And since I simply could this year, I tuned into copious amounts of two Practice Days, along with nearly the entire Qualifying Day and Pole Day programmes…


Having listened via IndyCar Radio to Sunday’s 90mins Pole Day Practice session, the end of the Broadcast brought a Smile to my Face. As they were wrapping up, Mark Gravelly’ James said just to put a Bow upon The Flying Dutchman’s, nee Arie Luyendyk’s All time 236.986mph record Qualifying run, the Fastest ever four lap Average at Indianapolis Motor Speedway, set on the second day of Qualifying in 1996.


Luyendyk Always credits that run to his race Engineer, some Bloke named Tim Wardrop! As it was Fun hearingJames and Davey Hamilton briefly reminisce about the late Dr. Who. With James saying unless somebody introduced you to Him, you’d Never know who Tim Wardrop was. With Davey saying He was a Bit wild behind the scenes and All you ever had to do was look for the guy wearing the leather jacket! To which James said, He’d been talking with somebody in the Media Center about how Dr. Who looked more like the Manager for a British Rock Band…


As I had the good fortune of being introduced to Messer Wardrop Wayback’ in Bloody 2007, following my Fantastic 2X Seater ride with Davey Hamilton! Appropriately at the IMS Flagroom Bar, which No longer exists.


And then met him several more times over the following years, with the last being in 2012. When Tim was the Race Engineer for somebody I took to calling “Mean Jean!” In that Abomination of a racecar with the Luddi’ Boat Anchor in it’s Backside!


Y’all recall when 47yr old ex-Ferrari Formula 1 Driver Jean Alesi, then an Lotus Ambassador drove Tyce Carlson’s Fan Force United Dallara/Lotus entry, which qualified last, some 16+ mph Slower than the Pole speed!


As I can still remember No Fenders Offical’ Photographer Carpets asking Tim Wardrop if He wanted us to throw something Ontrack in order to Help Alesi from getting lapped! For which Dave was totally Jesting, as we were enjoying a late lunch on Car Day at Mother Speedway when Tim joined us briefly.


And I was also Happy hearing Tim tell us that Alesi was a Rea Racer!


Whilst also fondly recalling asking Dr. Who if He was going to the Last Row Party? To which Tim blankly asked What’s That? And upon informing Him, Tim said, Oh, I’d better go check that out, and off He went with trademark leather jacket in hand…




For which I’d forgotten about Fan Force United having announced plans to run Stefan Stork’ Wilson in a 2015 Full Season IndyCcar campaign, which never materialized due to Sponsorship woes.


Whilst I wasn’t aware that the team had hired Buddy Lazier as Driving Coach for Messer Alesi a Decade ago, which makes me think of the time Buddy and Tim allowed me to Butt into their conversation at the Flagroom, as I interjected F1 trivia to fill in the Blanks in Thar conversation.


Whilst as always, I’ll be hoping for an Upset winner Sunday! Along with listening to Jim Cornelison’s very enjoyable rendition of Back Home Again… 

Friday, May 27, 2022

INDY 500: Chasing the Dragon’s Tail. Month of May Almost Over

As will the Pole sitter be victorious, or will somebody else Spoil Scott Dixon’s party?


Perhaps it’s just Mwah, but I find the whole Saga of Saving No. 33 and How It Took an IndyCar Village to be the most Appealing Month ‘O May Story this year, even if I’m Not sure what I now think about Elton Julian, since I really didn’t need to know that He lives in Beverly Hills, California. But then again Motor Racing is A Rich Man’s Game after All…


Actualy have to save I’m most impressed by A.J. foyt’s racing team’s efforts in making sure IndyCar, and more importantly, the Indianapolis 500 got to keep it’s tradition of 11 Rows of 3 this year. Since not only did Foyt provide the chassis, but then the team began converting it from Road Corse setup to Oval Track configuration immediately following the “Guns ‘N Roses” Indy GP race, before the DragonSpeed team arrived in Gasoline Alley Monday morning. Since they’d been Busy winning at Mid Ohio Sunday, where Henrik Hedman and Juan Pablo Montoya won the LMP2 Class.


While some Foyt Crewmembers even pulled “All Nighters” to ensure the car would be ready for Opening Day Tuesday, May 17th, Bravo!


Not to mention IndyCar President Jay Frye’s tireless efforts to make the 33rd Indy 500 a reality, along with Team Penske, Andretti Autosport and Juncos Hollinger Racing stepping up and providing the various Bit’s ‘O Missing Pitlane equipment.


Entertaining how Elton (Julian) not only told IndyCar Radio’s Ryan Marin the story of how He and Don Kusik put the Dealio’ together at Thermal Club Racetrack in Sleepy Thermal, California, which I’d never Heard of before. Apparently being an Automotive Enthusiast’s Playground for the Rich and Famous…




But also said Thars’ seven drivers in this year’s Indy 500 that have driven for him, beginning with the three who won this year’s Rolex 24 LMP2 Class being: Colton Herta, Pato O’Ward and Devlin DeFrancesco. Then there’s that Montoyer’ Feller’, aka Juan Pablo Montoya. Whilst I’d forgotten that rinus VeeKay and Felix Rosenqvist had driven for DragonSpeed, with Stefan Stork’ Wilson being number seven.


Felt really Bad for Wilson, when somebody probably burning Ye Mindnight Oil a tad too Mucho? Inadvertently got the NO. 25’s “Gear Stack” scrambled and ended up putting the second and third Gears in BassAckwards! So that when Stefan thought He was shifting into third gear on His way to fourth, Kablamoe! The lower second gear ratio sent the 2.2-liter turbocharged Chevy spinning past it’s 12,000 Redline to 16,000RPM’s, Crikeys!


So I’m really Hoping that Stefan, who starts 33rd with No Time recorded not only finishes the entire race, but Doesn’t finish last, since He and Everybody involved in this effort Deserves a Decent Indy 500 Finish!


Obviously, Thars far too many Storylines to cover in the remaining space Here, and I’m Not gonna predict a winner this year, since I chose Scot Dixon last year before Wilson’s unforced Brake Failure on Pitlane left Dixie’, Alexander Rossi and Tony Kanaan All running Out of Fuel or taking Emergency Pit Stops!


And after having chosen rinus VeeKay to win Pole for the second year in a row, after the Kiwi’ threw Down that Monstrous, Mega first 234+ lap! I knew it was All Over, and began Hearing ‘Ol Dandy don (Meredith) singing turn Out the lights, The Party’s Over…


And with Dixon’s setting the All time Pole Speed record for the Indianapolis 500 at a blistering 234.046mph! Breaking the late Scott Brayton’s mark of 233.718mph set in 1996, you’d have to say Dixon’s got some Unfinished Business, Again, after starting on Pole a year ago! As I’ve never Heard a Driver being so Pestimistic every time a microphone’s been Shoved in front of His Face this May.


Dixon’s CGR teammates Alex Palou, Tony Kanaan and Marcus Ericsson All seem like good possibilities.


Although Don’t think Palou will be Joking this time round if Dixon wins about Sharing one of his Borg Warners with Him! Since the Affable Spaniard had been Joking about how Soctt had four Poles Already, so He could at least give me One, before Dixon secured His fifth Indy 500 Pole…


Whilst the cagey Kanaan seems like He’s just waiting to pounce Sunday for His second Borg Warner trophy. But I suppose several Drivers are thinking likewise…


Row 9 will be fascinating to watch, since it features Colton Herta on the Inside, Scott McLaughlin and Helio Castroneves on the Outside starting P25-27, as surely this trio will work their way forward. But No! Hulio’ won’t be winning His fifth Indy 500 this Sunday!


Meanwhile two former winners surely Aren’t Happy of missing out on the Fast 12 Shootout, with Simon Pagenaud rolling off 16th and Alexander Rossi a Dejected P20, after having Pulled His initial 17th Qualifying time only to drop three places backwards.


While I’d enjoy seeing Taku-san’, aka Takuma Sato Drinking Milk for the third time in His long IndyCar career, which would be the fitting touch to his interesting Month of May, which would befit Dale Coyne’s Arduous IndyCar career, albeit Not so wild about His Pardner’ Rick Ware, and I just don’t know if Coyne-Ware Racin’gs Pit Crew is Good enough for Victory?


And I’m somewhat resigned to the idea that Jimmie Johnson seemingly has the best shot of being Rookie Of the Year now, as How He Saved that Power Slide on lap one of his Fast 12 shootout Qualie’ run still amazes Me! But then again, it’s 500 miles, so we’ll see. As I definitely do Not think He’ll win the race.


Whilst Two Sites Unite Bloggers Geo. Phillips and Paul Dalby haven’t exactly gone out on limbs picking Scott Dixon and Pato O’Ward to win respectively, which naturally the latter’s pick makes me Happy, albeit I just don’t think O’Ward will be drinking Milk Sunday…


And I could ramble on ‘N on, but it’s time to put a bow upon this No Fenders tome. Uhm, is that an Omen of which engine manufacturer wins on Sunday. Or did I just

Curse the Bowtie’ runners?


And although I’m Not picking a winner this year, I will toss out my Kentucky Derby 80:1 Longshot winner pick. And No, it’s Not Stefan Wilson, since that seems to easy.


Instead, my Longshot choice is J.R. Hildebrand, since I think Mother speedway needs to return some “Love” to A.J. foyt Enterprises for ensuring 33 Cars this year! 

Wednesday, May 25, 2022

INDY 500: Almost Everyone Happy with 2021 Race’s Outcome

Although My Spidey Senses were Ah-tinglin’ for All the Wrong reasons!


So Thar’s Nothin’ Quite as Red, White ‘N blue than the Indianapolis 500, Righto? Uhm, think that’s supposed to be another Punch Drunk Boom boom Holiday, Eh?


As guess I’ll get this out of the way El Pronto! Since I’ve been categorized on Ye Blogosphere as a Naysayer, and have apparently long been a Card carrying Member of les Miserables’  


For those who still read No Fenders and Don’t know, I have Never been a Fan of Hulio’s! And I’ve felt this way forever, since I can no longer even discern when I began “Hating” Him! But it stretches back to at least 2009, when pretty certain I was one of the few who Booed when he won his third Indianapolis 500 which occurred when attending my Debutante Indy 500 Naturally! Which just so happened to be my One and Only time I was granted IMS Media Credentials, which I scribbled ‘bout in another typically Uber L-O-N-G No Fenders tome…




And know I was the Only one who Booed him loudly at the 2010 Edmonton IndyCar race, ‘cause Kuhnucks’ Don’t Boo people since they’re so G-Damn Polite, Hya!


Along with still reveling over telling DJ WillyP’ Beat this Guy when pointing towards Castroneves during the 2014 IndyCar Autograph session at Sonoma, where the three Team Penske drivers, Juan Pablo Montoya, Helio Castroneves and Will Power sat together…


Hey, like Ye late, ‘Ol r’, thee Curmudgeon of Indy Cars Robin Miller used to say: “Hate’s good!”


Obviously this year’s Indianapolis 500 was turned on it’s proverbial Head when the Hapless Stefan Stork’ Wilson spun entering Pitlane for his first Pitstop on lap 34? And shuzamm! All three of my choices for winner of this year’s 105th running were instantly taken out of the equation! As Scott Dixon and Alexander Rossi both ran Out of Fuel! Going One lap down after struggling to restart their engines. Whilst TK’ Follow-your-Schnoz! Kanaan also had to pit for emergency fuel service and needed to drop to the end of the grid afterwards.


As you’ve gotta feel for Stefan, since this can happen to anyone, as we later witnessed Team Penske’s Will Power doing his own pirouette on Pitlane, along with Simona de Silvestro, so it happens!


As I know it will be of little, Err No solace for Stefan, but I was glad to hear IndyStar’s Motorsports Reporter Nathan Browne note Wilson’s Pit Accident was due to a front Brake failure, which is more than I can say for either of Power’s or Simona’s “Ballet” moves…


Oh Whale’, now it’s Anybody’s race, Eh? And was it just Mwah? But it seemed like a frenetic race the entire event! With All of the Young Turks wishing to establish their position in the Pecking order. With the likes of 20yr old Rinus VeeKay leading 32-laps, 29yr old Noblesville native Conor Daly leading a race high 40-laps, 24yr old Alex Palou 32-laps, 22yr old Pato O’ward 17 and so on and so on…


As I have to say that I got more ‘N more Despondant as it seemed like somebody had said Queue the Jaws theme music with Hulio lurking nearer and nearer the front of the pack, Spew!As I must have been one of the only persons Rootin’ loudly at my Confuzers speakers for Alex Palou to get that Son ‘O Bitch in my Bestest Buford T. Justice impersonation…


Thus, now that it’s All a Distant Nightmare, Err memory. Think I turned Off the IndyCar Radio Broadcast immediately after the Chequered Flag flew upon Castroneves, since I did Not want to partake or Hear any of Castroneves I’m the Greatest soliloquies. Or the crowd going Bonkers over His Spiderman Climb! And Yeah, I get it, History was made Blah Blah Blah! Since pretty sure I went ‘N opened another Beer in order to Drown my Sorrows…



If you were paying Attenzione to 2022’s Indianapolis 500 Qualifying and the vaunted Barf! “Drive for Five,” then you know that Hulio’ had what He described as “A Code Brown” moment! As believe it was the final lap of His first Qualifying run when He had a Big Wiggle and let up upon the loud Pedal! With this lap’s speed being a “Sedate” 212mph, giving the Brazilian a four lap average of a “Pedestrian” 225-plus mph; Since I can No longer remember if He went out again? Hey, you try remembering everythingy’ that Happened over the two days of Qualifying!


But Helio must have, since He ultimately netted a lowly 27th starting position for the 106th Indianapolis 500, i.e.; Outside of Row 9 at 229.630mph.


Although according to Geo. Phillips of Oilpressure Fame, Castroneves worst qualifying position at Mother Speedway is P28 in the 2020 Indy 500, where He finished 11th. 

Monday, May 23, 2022

INDY 500: 2021 Pre-race Build-up

As I’m not sure about this Christmas in May stuff, but It is The Most Wonderful Time, Oh barf!


Yeah I know, we’re All supposed to still be in rapture over Scotty “Thee Iceman 2.0” Dixon’s record setting 2022 Indy 500 Pole winning run, but that’s Not how I roll here in Nofendersville Kiddoes!


And the old-ER’ I get, the more the yearly running of the Indianapolis 500 seemingly Grips Me, even if I can No longer see anything Onscreen, since have I reminded Y’all lately that I’m Blind? And thus I get the Nonstop Disappointment of having No Fans in the Stands last year, but I haven’t been able to “See” the Stands for Uhm gulp, Decades now if I’m being Honest. But I definitely Get It!


As it’s funny to Mwah how I still revel over the memory of doing my really Bad impromptu “Icky shuffle” Takuma Sato Victory Dance in 2017 when he’d Defeated Hulio! Or Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary ellen describing listening to the end of the 2019 “who’s It gonna Be?” Simon, Alexander? Radio Broadcast from the local Grocery Outlet parking lot when visiting us in Florence!


As I’ll Admit freely that this year I was totally Rootin’ for Ye “Iceman 2.0” to win the Pole vs. my new Number One IndyCar Villin Colton Big Shot’ Herta! Since I just cannot stand the Ad Nausea lovefest the Media, and particularly the NBC Sports Booth Boyz’ have deluged us with in their nonstop feverish Slobberfest ever since his arrival in IndyCar’s, YUCK!


Yet that said, I have to give some begrudging praise for Herta’s post congratulatory Hugging of Scott Dixon after being Beaten for Pole by an index finger and thumb…


But I suppose I root against Colton for many reasons, including I Kiss the Bricks Blogger Patty Nolan, the winner of whom she refered to as the King of IndyCar Bloggers George Phillips yearly Oilpressure Indy 500 Trivia contest this year! Good Job Patty since I couldn’t even anser one of his trivia questions, Hya! But I digress…


As Patty noted how it just appears everything’s been too “Easy” for Colton, and almost handed to him on a Silver Platter, the latter sentiments being mine. As I was actually rooting for Rinus VeeKay to stun the Paddock and the world by “Stealing” the Pole in the Pumpkin Polka-dotted Bitcoin Mobile!, Hya! Just Gory long as it wasn’t Colton or Hulio! Or Ryan Hunter-Reay, Oh Never Mind! But like ‘Ol r’, aka Robin Miller once said: “Hate’s Good!”


As this year I’ve found myself having a voracious Appetite for All things Indianapolis 500 on Ye Web via the small cadre ‘O IndyCar bloggers I follow regularly, typically beginning with Ye Oldest IndyCar blogger Geo. Phillips of Oilpressure Fame, Hya! Then in a revolving order I go from Mike Silver’s The Pit Window,  Raymond Hando’s For The Love of Indy, Paul Dalby’s The Field of 33 and Patty Nolan’s I Kiss the Bricks, Whew! Along with seeing what’s the latest on Racer.com.


Damn! Why did just typing All of those names above make me think of ‘Ol Chuck Berry’s song Riding Around with No Particular Place to Go spring to Mind?


Having watched the latest Two Sites Unite video the day before Carb Day, a collabouration between George Phillips and Paul Dalby. As George definitely plays the “Straight Man” of this duo, and enjoys throwing in the occasional “That’s Right” ‘Ol Kurty’ Cavin Tag-line phrase…


As George has been Beating his Bass Drum purdy’ loudly  over his theory on Team Penske’s recent demise coinciding with Roger Penske’s leaving the Pit-box.


 And while I wouldn’t disagree somewhat in general with that assessment,

I’ll spin that topic off for another rambling No Fenders tome some other day, year or I Dunno? Since this one’s already pretty meandering, Righto?


Since after Team Penske’s Dismal Qualie’ weekend, as I still can’t wrap my Noggin’ round DJ WillyP’, aka Will Power being in the Last Row Shootout, Crikeys!


Does the massive temperature drop of Carb Day have something to do with All four of the Penske Boyz’ being in the Top-7 of the Day’s Timesheet. Or more to do with turning down that Artificial Pump You Up” Boost increase? With Simon Pagenaud (26th) second, Josef Newgarden (21st) third, Power )32nd) P6 and rookie Scott McLaughlin (17th) P7.


Or how about Andretti Autosport’s Herta (2nd) way down in Bloody 28th! And Alexander Rossi (P10) in 13th, one place behind Max Chilton, Huh? Remember Him Y’all?


Or Ed Carpenter Racing’s (ECR) VeeKay (3rd) P31 and the Boss Fast Eddie’ (4th) in 30th. As the only thing that stayed the same was Dixon being Quickest, continuing his trend of having simply Owned this Month ‘O May!


Although I do have to admit I chuckled quite a bit after the Nauseating Blow My Freakin’ Ear-drums Out Gladiator Theme musak’ quit playing and Mike “Sunday Night football’s” Terico welcomed us to a rainy Carb Day from Mother Speedway! And Danica Patrick noted how Dixon’s like a fine wine, who simply get’s better with Age…


But then again, that’s why we go racing, as I type this with just some 18 hours to go, as once again I eagerly await the actual race beginning! But not All of the Bullshit Pre-race Banter, Err Hype upon Ye Peacock, Uhm Big NBC. Yuhs know, Nothing But Commercials!


Since even though I try to “Support” IndyCar’s television partner by typically “watching,” Err listening to every bit I can, i.e.; Tape Delayed Qualifying and live Races every race weekend. This year I’m gonna hopefully be able to listen to D-Squared’, (Donald Davidson) Mark Gravelly’ James, Davey Hamilton, Nicky Salt’ Yeoman, Jake The Riddler’ Query and Michael Screech’ Young on The Fan’s WFNI 1075AM Radio Broadcast via Zed Internets instead.


Since I just cannot fathom stomaching 4 hours of Queen Danica, Jimmie Vanilla’ Johnson, ‘lil Ironhead’ (Dale Earnhardt, Jr.) Steve “I Knows Everything” Letarte and especially Rutledge “Bake Me A Cake” Wood’s Uber Insightfulness, SPEW!


As I still say this is nothing more than an Infomercial primer’ for the upcoming RASSCAR’ Roundy round season on NBC, BARF!


Not to mention I’ve never been a Fan of Marty Snidely Whiplash! Snyder or Kevin Lee’s Reading from a Queue Card demeanour. OOPS, what’s that ‘bout Not saying Anything if you Don’t Uhm? Whilst as always, I’ll be hoping for an Upset winner Sunday! Along with Jim Cornelison’s very enjoyable rendition of Back Home Again…


And I just asked No Fenders Offical’ Photographer Carpets’ for his Dark Horse candidates for the race. His first two choices were Graham Rahal and Pietro Fittipaldi, albeit he said he didn’t want Rahal Letterman Lanigan Racing to win two years in-a-row. But like I’ve said before, that hasn’t happened since Helio Castroneves and Team Penske did so nearly two decades ago. Actually Penske had a Three-peat ‘O victories between 2001-03. And only Nine Bonafied Rookies have ever won, excluding Ray Harroun, when the entire field was contesting the inaugural 500 in 1911.


Dave further added Rinus VeeKay as a Dark Horse, and then sent me three other names: Jack Harvey, Santino ferrucci and Marco Andretti who he said he was rooting for… 

Saturday, May 21, 2022

INDY 500: It’s Qualifying Day, Who’ll Make the fast 12?

Although Hopefully it Ain’t gonna be an All Bowtie Affair…


Being a Blind Word Butcher’, and being the vaunted Month of May. I’ll do like All of us Bench Racers do this time of year, and most certainly, inaccurately predict my Fast 12 prior to Saturday’s riveting Qualie’ Day, which still makes me Mad that it ends at 5:50PM Eastern – Just to Appease the TV Broadcast schedule of Not Bumping Up against the time Honoured 6PM Gun!


Pre Fast Friday Initial Guess

Prior to this year’s “guns ‘N Roses” Indy GP, I took a crack at trying to come up with my Fast 12 entrants, albeit I’ll tweak this list after the completion of Fast Friday, which is another tradition I don’t like! Y’all know when the Gimmickry of turning Up the Boost for an Additional 90 “Ponies” (Horsepower) is used to Artificially Inflate Speeds, Urgh!


Naturally you’d have to expect the Usual Suspects, i.e.; Andretti, (5) Ganassi (5) and Penske, (3) albeit I’m positive that Not all 13 of their entries will make the Fast 12 for Obvious reasons, Botta Boom!


So I’ll pick Colton Herta and Alexander Rossi to represent Andretti Autosport. And you’d have to think that TK’ Follow your Schnoz! Kanaan will lead Ganassi Racing’s Quartet, since I’ll go against the grain and predict JJ’ Uhm that RASSCAR Guy Jimmie Johnson won’t make the fast 12, be Still my Beating Heart!


 Team Penske’s three drivers should be a lock, so that get’s us up to nine, meaning I’ve got more choices left than room. Since I’d Arse-sume my Numero Uno IndyCar Driver Pato O’Ward of Arrow McLaren SP will certainly be there, although Don’t know ‘bout his AMSP teammates?


Whilst I think that the Cagey Taku-San’, aka Takuma Sato will drag his Coyne/Ware Racing’s Hondre’ into the Show, which I believe leaves me with just one more choice, Righto?


Although still awaiting Geo. Phillips Indy 500 Spotter’s guide, since Don’t think they’ll do a repeat of the Black ‘N Orange Polka-dotted Underwear livery this year? But I’ll give P12 to Rinus VeeKay, leaving his Boss Fast Eddie’ on the Outside.


Although it’s now been well documented this week that Rinus chose his florescent Dare I Say It? Dayglo Orange? Uhm, vivid Dutch Orange from 20 different shades ‘O orange…


Final Pre Fast Friday Guess…

Following Fast Friday’s practice session, which I completely missed, think I’m more Cornfuzed’ than ever over who’ll be in the Fast 12 Shootout Sunday, especially with the weather being so Up in thoust Air! Since part of me wants to See’ Mother Speedway being too Damp Saturday and Forcing Qualifying into just Sunday. But then again we Don’t wanna give IndyCar too many ideas on how to Water the Show Down any further…


Going by just top speeds alone for Friday Doesn’t really get Yuhs Anywheres’ Me Thinks. Even though Takuma Sato once again went Quickest for the third day in a row, with a speed of 232.789mph, ahead of Alexander Rossi. Followed by Pato O’Ward, Marcus Ericsson, Scott Dixon, Felix Rosenqvist, David Malukas, Tony Kanaan, Scott McLaughlin, Josef Newgarden, Will Power, and 12th Fastest being Alex Palou at 231.085mph.


Yet the winds were Attrocious all Day long, with Drivers running limited laps in order of Not wrecking their racecars! So, once again, Thars way more possibilities than just 12 Drivers to choose from…


As we’ll See’ how many of these I get right? Since we All know Thars gonna be someone who surprises us, and others that Disappoint us. Yeah, I’m stalling here since I’m struggling over my final 12 choices.


So I’ll stick with Colton Herta and Alexander Rossi. Pato O’Ward and Felix Rosenqvist, along with Takuma Sato. Scott Dixon, Marcus Ericsson and tony Kanaan. Will Power, Scott McLaughlin and Rinus VeeKay plus Ed Carpenter.


Although I’m guessing that Josef Newgarden and Alex Palou both make the Cut, so who do they Bump from the 12 above? And How Many will I get right? As I believe it’s almost time to begin Qualifying Day, unless the weather’s not cooperating For which I’m Not planning on getting up for practice at 5:30AM Pacific to find out!


Qualifying Day No.1, In the books?

Ok, I guess how my morning started off by spending the first 10mins of Qualifying trying to figure out why the IndyCar Radio Network was continuing to play an ‘Ol Indy 500 race with a younger Paul Page as lead Announcer when we should have been Hearing the Qualie’ run of Pato O’Ward should have signaled how the day would go, Eh?


From the sublime of Takuma Sato having his first Qualification Attempt Disallowed for having “Blocked” Marco Andretti’s first lap is something I cannot recall ever happening before.


To the Disappointment of Colton Herta having his engine Misfiring on the start of his Qualie’ run, not to mention Alexander Rossi giving IndyCar Radio’s Rob Blacman the world’s Shortest Interview with a scant nine words spoken by the ever Scowling 2016 Indianapolis 500 winner…


As of just around 11:15AM Pacific, ergo 2:15PM Speedway Indiana time, following Dreyer & Reinbold Racing’s Sage Karam having pulled his initial Qualification time and on his warm up lap, the track went Yellow for light Rain. Followed about five minutes later by Lightning having been spotted nearby , and All Fans being told to leave the Grandstands!


Thus as of 11:30AM Pacific the Top 12 in order  were:


Row 1

Rinus VeeKay, (233.655mph) Pato O’Ward and Felix Rosenqvist


Row 2

Alex Palou, Tony Kanaan and Jimmie Johnson


Row 3

Ed Carpenter, Marcus Erisson and Romain Grosjean


Row 4

Scott Dixon, will Power and Takuma Sato


Amazingly, Takuma Sato who Tagged the Wall in Turn 2 during the middle of his first “Official” Qualifying run, to which IndyCar Radio’s Davey Hamilton said I can assure you, Sato’s Not gonna lift! Knocked his DCR teammate David Malukas out of the Fast 12 by a scant tenth of a mile speed average!


While I really Don’t expect there to be any more Qualifying Attempts Saturday, since the whole reason Qualifying was oved forward One Hour was because of the weather forecast, but “We’ll See” what Mother Nature decides to do? As IMS was trying to Dry the Track when typing this…


Then tuning back in at 12:45PM Pacific, Sage Karam was taking the Green Flag for his second Qualification Attempt which He completed this time, moving forward from potentially being P32! Next Scott McLaughlin withdrew his 15th position for a four lap run which knocked him back to 26th! Before Josef Newgarden’s run was Halted by the Caution Flag coming out again for more lightning strikes, followed by Mark Gravelly’ James agreeing with Davey Hamilton’s assessment that the Track was Lost!


Alas, Fast 12 Qualifying will see the Slowest to Fastest making a single Qualifying attempt before the final Six Drivers repeat this procedure a second time to determine the Pole winner Sunday. 

Friday, May 20, 2022

2022 Indy 500 Rookie Class: European Lads’

As will one of these four Drivers be the Top Rookie?


Making up the other Half of our Diverse Indy 500 Rookie Class, Arguably a former Formula 1 Driver is the Biggest Name on this partial roll Call of our total of seven Indianapolis 500 Rookies this year. As You Make the Call on who’s the Bigger Star? Romain Grosjean or Jimmie Johnson?


Romain Grosjean

#28 Andretti Autosport

Engine: Honda

Country: France

DOB: 4/17/86, Age: 36


Unless you’ve been living Underneath a Rock or in a Hidey Hole the past year, then you already know about Romain Grosjean’s Amazing escape from his Roman Candle Haas Formula 1 car in Bahrain in November, 2020, which Thankfully He Walked Away from!


Romain quickly became the Darlin of IndyCar last year driving for the Minnowesqe Dale Coyne Racing with Rick Ware Racing; Oh Vanna, I don’t wanna Buy A vowel, Whew! Scoring his maiden IndyCar Pole position at the Indianapolis Road Corse along with finishing Runner-Up twice there. And making his Oval Debut at Gateway, Err Wide World Technology Raceway last August with great effect.


Yet I’d say the move to Mikey A’s team this year has ratcheted Up the pressure upon Grosjean, and those around Him, like his Engineer Olivier Boisson that came with Him to Andretti Autosport to win! Since we All know how much He and Graham Rahal like each other now, El Correctomundo?


While his first High speed “big” oval race at Texas Motor Speedway (TMS) was fairly unimpressive, running Mid-pack at best before retiring with Mechanical woes if I remember correctly.


Devlin DeFrancesco

#29 Andretti Steinbrenner Autosport

Engine: Honda

Country: Canada

DOB: 1/17/00, Age: 22



Cannot Help feeling that Devlin DeFrancesco’s simply making up the Numbers at Mikey A’s four car concern. As the Kuhnuck’ who replaced thee Mayor ‘O Hinchtown’, fellow Kuhnaidiun James Hinchcliffe finished a fairly unimpressive sixth in his lone Indy Lights season before moving up to IndyCar.


And we All know how Devlin won Racer’s Marshall Pruett’s Golden Bowling Ball Award at Texas Motor Speedway, (TMS) where the Hoser’ single handedly took out a total of Five Cars, including Himself in his final Three Car Monty, Err Wreck! As Devlin’s got a single Top 20 Finish to his name in His scant five race IndyCar career, with P17 at Alabama, albeit He seems to have settled down somewhat lately. And being the Innocent victim of Rinus VeeKay’s Spin during the Indy GP Rainfest didn’t help his finishing average either.


Christian Lundgaard

#30 Rahal Letterman Lanigan Racing

Engine: Honda

Country: Denmark

DOB 7/23/01, Age: 20


Really know very little ‘bout Christian Lundgaard, other than so far, it seems He’s been Overhyped after his IndyCar Debut in last August’s Indy GP RASSCAR’ twin Bill, where the Dane’ Qualified a stunning fourth and finished 12th.


Lundgaard began racing Single Seaters in 2017 to great effect, winning that year’s SMP F4 and Spanish F4 championships. Then followed this up with being Runner-up in the 2018 Formula Renault eurocup Championship.


Christian continued his advancement thru the Feeder Series, culminating with a best finish of seventh Overall during his maiden FIA Formula 2 Championship season, winning twice and scoring one Pole, before slumping during his 2021 F2 campaign.


Lundgaard was a member of the Alpine Driver Academy for future Formula 1 Hopefuls beginning in 2017, but with there being No F1 Seats available on the Horizon, especially with last year’s Formula 2 Champion Oscar Piastri waiting impatiently in Alpine’s Wings; Move Over Fred Alonso! Christian wisely signed a multi year contract with Bobby Rahal’s IndyCar concern, and is No longer a member of the Alpine Academy as of 2022.


And I say Lundgaard’s been relatively “Quiet” since his name doesn’t seem to get much mention during race Broadcasts, and He soldiered home to a Quiet P19 at TMS.


Callum Ilott

#77 Juncos Hollinger Racing

Engine: Chevrolet

Country: United Kingdom

DOB: 11/11/98, Age: 23


This is my Dark Horse pick for Indy 500 Rookie Of the Year (ROY)

Honours, even if his IndyCar Oval Debut at TMS was “Fleeting,” Callum Ilott did come home 16th. As may be I’m getting caught up in All of the Attenzione Ilott’s receiving, but how can you Not be impressed by the 23yr Old Englishman carrying this truly Minnowesqe single car entry by the Scruff of it’s Neck!


As Ilott’s advanced to the Fast 12 round of Qualie’ in the last two outings. Having just scored his career Best IndyCar finish of eighth after Qualifying a career best seventh for Juncos Hollinger Racing in the “guns ‘N Roses” Indy GP Rainfest! Thus obviously his confidence has to be growing exponentially. Just as long as He Doesn’t get Ahead of Himself at Mother Speedway!


Callum was a Karting Phenom and made his Single Seater debut in the Toyota Racing series in 2014, before advancing up the European ladder – ultimately reaching FIA Formula 2 in the summer of 2017.


Ilott then became a Ferrari Academy Driver, which He still is today, along with being the Alfa Romeo F1 Teams official reserve Driver this season.


Callum made a total of 47 starts in F2 between 2017-2020, the latter being his best season, scoring three wins enroute to finishing Runner-up to F2 Champion Mick Schumacher, who now races in Formula 1 for the Haas F1 Team.


As the $64k Questione is whether or not the Bowtie runners, nee Chevy will continue their Dominance of the first four races this season at Mother Speedway? Or does Honda have anything to say about it? We’ll soon know the answer…         

Thursday, May 19, 2022

2022 Indy 500 Rookie Class: Introducing The Yanks’

As the Crowd goes Wild for Jimmie Johnson…


This year’s Indianapolis 500 Rookie Class is comprised by seven talented Rookies, albeit two are in their second IndyCar season after foregoing Ovals last year. As Y’all can probably guess who’s the Biggest Star of this trio, Eh? Whilst the $64k Questione is How well do they Stack Up against Arguably the Greatest Indy 500 rookie Class of 1965?


Kyle Kirkwood

#14 A.J. Foyt Enterprises

Engine: Chevrolet

Country: USA

DOB: 10/19/98, Age: 23


This has to be my Odds On pick for Indy 500 Rookie Of the Year (ROY) Honours. As Kyle Kirkwood’s simply a Bad Arse Single Seater driver! As I cannot remember anyone who’s so thoroughly Dominated the Feeder Series ranks enroute to an fledgling IndyCar career!


Kirkwood’s rise is nothing short of Meteoric, having first heard of Kyle when He tied J.r. Hildebrand’s record of season wins as a Rookie in U.S. F2000 competition, but I’m getting ahead of myself.


Kirkwood’s Championship series winning ways began by claiming the 2017 U.S. formula 4 title with nine wins from 21 races. Then in 2018, Kirkwood crushed the competizione in the then F3 americas Championship by claiming 15 of 17 race victories! Along with claiming that year’s U.S. F2000 title, taking 12 of 14 W’s.


For 2019 Kyle graduated to Indy Pro 2000 where He won the Championship with 9 of 16 race victories, before the 2020 Indy Lights Championship season was cancelled due to COVID-19. Then Kyle won the 2021 Lights title with 10 wins in 20 races, tying the late Greg Moore’s Lights record for victories! Becoming the first driver to win All three Road to Indy Championships as a rookie No less!


As Kirkwood racked up an Amazing tally of 55 wins from 88 Junior Series races enroute to Indy Cars!


While Kirkwood’s overall results at the forever struggling A.J. foyt Enterprises concern’s “Box Score” may not look that impressive, besides a solitary 10th place finish at Long Beach. Kyle’s impressed with Flashes of Brilliance nonetheless, moving steadily forwards in his one lone IndyCar Oval race before getting “Nudged” by Devlin DeFrancesco into the Wall! For which Kirkwood was overly diplomatic in Not Throwing his future Andretti Autosport teammate Underneath the Bus!


On an interesting Sidenote, Kirkwood lost out to former IndyCar Driver and 2019 Lights Champion Oliver Askew at the 2016 Mazda Road to Indy Scholarship shootout…


David Malukas

#18 Dale Coyne Racing with HMD Motorsports

Engine: Honda

Country: USA

DOB: 9/27/01, Age: 20


It appears that David Malukas began his Single Seater career in 2016 when contesting the Formula 4 UAE Championship, where He finished sixth. Then making the steps up the Road to Indy ladder system, once again finishing sixth in his first Indy Lights season in 2019.


David was the only other driver besides Linus Lindqvist to score wins in the 2020 FR Americas Championship, where He finished a distant runner-up to Lundqvist. Then a second season in Lights saw him winning six races enroute to finishing Runner-up to Kyle Kirkwood before stepping up to the big Cars this year.


Malukas has a best finish of 11th ironically at Texas Motor Speedway, his Big Carz’ Oval Debut. Which is Funny since All I remember about his race at TMS is that the team inexplicably brought him in just ahead of teammate Takuma Sato, then running third – who got Stuck behind Malukas who was suffering with Clutch issues All race long…


Jimmie Johnson

#48 Chip Ganassi Racing

Engine: Honda

Country: USA

DOB: 9/17/75, Age: 46



Seven  times NASCAR Champion Jimmie Johnson needs No introduction, whom if I remember correctly? Is fourth overall for Top tier Roundy round victories with 83, predominantly on Ovals. Nope, had to look it up, He’s actually tied for sixth Overall…


Many are considering JJ’ to be the Second Coming who’ll “Walk On Water,” Err the Bricks once again this May! Which apparently is largely based upon his first IndyCar Oval race at Texas Motor Speedway where JJ’ ran as High as fifth before some IndyCar Driver named Scott Dixon passed him late on, with Johnson finishing a career Best sixth!


Hey, I’m very impressed what Jimmie’s doing in his second racing career and Admire him for his No Nonsense Rookie mentality, with No Big Ego showing. But I’m staying perched upon my short tree limb and still say Johnson Won’t win at Mother Speedway this May.