Sunday, May 8, 2022

F1: Miami’s Sound Machine

Wasn’t that the SS Minnow Harbourside? Toot Toot, Ahoy Mateys!


It’s a strange world we live in, although suppose I should be glad that Formula One’s finally being recognized Stateside. Although it makes me wonder how come I discovered it Wayback in Gory 1986, Huh? Whilst if I did ever come across Der Terminator’, nee Michael Schumacher in the U.S. during the late ‘90’s or early oughts’ I totally would have recognized Him, Ja Volt!


Whilst it now seems like a lifetime ago I was attending my Debutante Formula 1 race, the maiden Iceberg Grand Prix in The Valley of The Sun some Gory 33 years ago, Crikeys!


I have Never pretended to be an Engineer, and No, I Don’t typically stay at Holiday Inn’s either, Hya! But it seems somewhat Apropos that F1 is headed to Miami’s Hard Rock Stadium’s Parking lot racetrack, where Porpoising is the current Buzz Word in Formula 1! Since after all, Don’t the Miami Dolphins play some ‘lil ‘Ol Pigskin games Thar, Botta Boom, Chuh Ching!


What bothers me most about this Pogo Stick phenomenon of bouncing Up ‘N Down race circuits straightaways, is that Formula 1 bills itself as the Pinnacle of Motorsport! And this Bouncy Bounce routine, which Austin F1 Sherpa Claudio’ told me you could see All of the cars doing repeatedly at Imola is simply embarrassing for such a Technological Sport!


For Mwah, the easy fix would be for the FIA to mandate the chassis being raised slightly off the ground, which I know would alter the intended Ground Effects and potentially slow the Cars down, slightly. Although F1 Engineers have a reputation of prodigiously clawing back Speed yearly…


Whilst I believe that Racer’s Marshall Pruett said that Indy Cars solved this similar problem by simply installing stiffer springs to cancel out the Porpoising…


Yet that sounds like a Horrible solution for the Drivers! While I take Mercedes George Russell’s comments seriously about how the F1 Drivers cannot sustain the physical effects of Porpoising over an entire 23 Grands Prix season! With the lanky Englishman noting how He’d suffered real Back and Chest Pain at Imola inflicted by the Mercedes W13’s Harsh Porpoising tendencies.


As this made me wonder out loud, are Old Racing Drivers like Cripled NFL Players afterwards, needing Walkers to get round? Not to mention having top line Dentists on Speed Dial to fix All of Thar teeth and fillings lost over the Bumps!


Along with Back Specialists, meaning I guess it’s a good thingy’ they get the Mega Millions contracts up front, El Correctomundo?


As something technically needs to be mandated in order to solve this Aerodynamic problem, which apparently Didn’t show up in All of the Super Computer CFD Modeling and Wind Tunnel  testing, which seems a Wee Bitamyte’ Odd to Mwah. Although perhaps we’ll All be noticing the Bogo Stick routine more along Hard Rock Drive vs. those incoming waves and Sea Breezes Harbourside, Ahoy?


So did Y’all notice Lake Rock Hard’s scenic Harbour trackside Sunday? As the Turn 7 Faux Marina has to be the Silliest part of the entire race circuit layout for Mwah!


As I’d already read about the various pleasure Yachts Not being able to go Anywhere, since Thars No Bloody lake! But then I read that there’s Not even any water in this Artificial lake, and it’s just some Faux Seafoam Blue material instead. With the land locked Yachts having been trucked in just for this event!


Thus being Blind, I won’t be able to discern if there were any Party Goers aboard these Mega Yachts? Although they would make a novel “grandstand” Seating option for the weekend. As why not “Plumb” them with lavatories and Bars for those who can afford them, Eh?


Especially due to the exorbitant F1 ticket prices! Since after all, this is a Parking lot race circuit, although Hopefully NO Caesars Palace Rinky Dink layout!


Whilst I believe I’ve read somewheres’ that the inaugural Miami Grand Prix is Sold Out capped at 80,000 Attendance and that tickets started at $900.00, aye Karumba! Having just read that Friday Only’s General Admission ticket cost $300!


Although I do recall the excitement and desire of attending an inaugural Grands Prix which I’ve Done twice, i.e.; Arizona’s 1989 June 4th “Sweatfest” and the 2012 Circuit Of The Americas F1 “launch” event!


But I certainly Hope that they won’t pull another El Stupidio rope A-Dope Let’s Get Ready to Rumble in the Jungle Red Carpet Drivers intro like Liberty Media pulled once in Austin, which was Epically Dumb!


And having “watched,” Err listened to the various Formula 1 teams Drivers in Thar Stetson Hats participating in lassoing competitions at COTA, does this mean F1 Drivers will be required to Wrassle Gators inMiami?


Thus for Mwah, I’m more intrigued over the two differing Chassis Designs currently leading the way in F1. Which once again, Not being an Engineer, I only have a rudimentary understanding of the differences between the de riggour Push Rod Front suspension layout vs. Pull rod suspension, which presumably the latter sits lower on the chassis’s “Nose” and gives “cleaner” Aerodynamics for the rest of the Car?


I only bring this up since our current F1 Constructors and Drivers Points leader Scuderia Ferrari is running the conventional Push Rod layout vs. second place Red Bull’s Pull rod layout. But as we also know, it’s the entire package layout that makes a racecar successful, i.e.; Chassis, Aerodynamics, engine and Driver, albeit Don’t know which is most important?


Much has been made over Ferrari’s resurgence being tied to their engine’s “Power” revival. Whilst Red Bull’s Honda derived lump’ isn’t No Slouch either, with the mighty Mercedes powered teams seeming to be suffering most so far this season…


And with two dare I say it? Fairly equal drivers at Thar respective keyboards, Ferrari’s Charles Leclerc and Red Bull’s Max Verstappen were knotted 2-2 in Grands Prix victories prior to Miami.


Hence, with All of the Gimmickery of Faux Harbours and monumentous Hype being engineered by Liberty Media for it’s debut Miami race, far away from it’s intended Downtown Waterfront Haunt. I sincerely Hope the race lives up to All it’s being made out for. Since it seems a long ways from the Downtown Streets of Phoenix, Arizona and nearby Ostrich Festivals. For which when I think of the words Miami Grand Prix, I immediately think of the CART/PPG IndyCar races at Tamiammi Park and Arse-sumedly where Liberty Media wanted to be; On Biscayne Bay Boulevard, where the late Ralph Sanchez first brought IMSA GTP Sports Cars in 1983. Which even saw ‘Ol Hollywood’, aka Danny Sullivan starring in another typically ludicrous  episode of Miami Vice as a racing driver No less! As Queue the Miami vice theme music.


Not to mention a short lived spell of CART/PPG IndyCar World Series races run thru Tamiami Park in the mid-1980’s, before Sanchez’s permanent Homestead Miami Speedway facility opened in November, 1995, serving as Indy Cars season finale for several years…