HYDROS: Will Jimmy Shane’s Magical season continue?

    

And can He win another APBA National High Points championship this weekend?

 

Think the IndyCar season is far too short? Then just try wrappin’ your Noggin around the H1 Unlimited Hydroplane season lasting a scant two plus months. Having begun on July 5th at Madison, Indiana, and finishing this Sunday at San Diego’s Bayfair on Mission Bay. With the season ending’s traditional Bill Muncey Cup just 77 days later!

 

As it seems a really, really long time ago since Gory Fourth ‘O July weekend Y’all!

 

Madison, IN Gold Cupp Entry list

(Boat #/Boat Name/Driver)

U-00 Maverick, J. Michael Kelly

U-1 Miss BWR Racing, Andrew Tate

U-3 Tahoe Miss, Cory Peabody

U-6 Miss Madison, Brandon Kennedy

U-11 Miss Flav-r-Pac, Jamie Nilsen

U-27 Miss Apollo, Jimmy Shane

U-40 Bucket List Racing, Dylan Runne

 

First off, I’ve been critical of the sport for several years now. And Arse-sumedly will continue to do so as long as their Youtube love stream audio continues to Suck!

 

That said, a very cursory look forty years ago, reveals that the 1986 Budweiser Unlimited season opener at Miami had ten boats entered; with Bernie Little, the Dom of Unlimited boat racing running two Hulls. Running two cockpit canopy boats. The U-12 revolutionary 1985 Bubble Bud piston powered Griffon “Monster”. And their very first turbine Hydro. With Scott Pierce in the Griffon Bud, and Jim Kropfeld in the turbine Beer Wagon.

 

Naturally, the top three qualifiers were the fleets trio of Lycoming T55 (Helicopter) turbine powered craft. The U-11 Bud being fastest at 122.719mph. Followed by Steve Reynolds in the (U-711) Miss 7-Eleven  and Chip Hanauer in the U-1 Miller American, with Scotty Pierce the fastest of the piston boats.

 

Ron Snyder was driving the oldest Hull; the lone, remaining conventional (Driver behind engine) 13 year old former Pride of Pay ‘n Pak. Now the U-6 Holset Miss Madison, with Snyder returning to the tiller after a year’s absence. While Jerry Hopp in the U-7 Riggin’s Crab House failed to qualify.

 

Thus my rudimentary math says this year’s season opener at Madison, Indiana, the prestigious Gold Cup no less. Had 23% less combatants, i.e.; two fewer Hydroplanes.

 

Yet the 1986 season opener had five boats in the final. both Miss Budweiser’s, with the Miss Madison sandwiched between the two Beer Wagons. Spoiling Bernie Little’s hoped for 1-2 finish,  with Kropfeld scoring a turbine boat’s first win on salt water. And the Pantry Pride and first alternate, Miss MerCruiser finished fourth and fifth respectively.

 

In comparison, this year’s season opening Madison regatta’s Gold Cup final also had five Hydroplanes racing, albeit four contestants with a fifth trailer boat. As the two BWR Racing boats lined up against the Strong Racing duo, with the Miss Madison the trailer.

 

Jimmy Shane, who’d retired from Unlimited racing at season’s end, 2022. Having won five Gold Cups and seven APBA National High Points championships, and tied for fourth overall in career wins with 25. Equaling the late, great Dean Chenoweth, was returning after a four year hiatus from the sport.

 

Shane replaced the retiring Dave Villwock, who has the most career H1 Unlimited wins with 68 at the sport’s new powerhouse, BWR Racing.

 

This year, the sport has a new race format, where driver lanes are chosen by order of the driver with the most points, which I’ll discuss my thoughts upon this later.

 

H1 Unlimited introduces new Race Format debuting at Madison

 

Thus the two fastest boats got lane choice first ahead of the others, with BWR Racing’s Andrew Tate choosing first. With Tate taking what  He thought was the preferred Lane 2, and Shane taking the dubious Lane 1.

 

Strong Racing’s  J. Michael Kelly was in Lane 3, and rounding out the field was teammate Cory Peabody in Lane 4. With Brandon Kennedy in the Miss Madison trailing the field.

 

I said dubious Lane 1 since new H1 Unlimited Colour commentator and Driver Analyst Dustin Echols, former skipper of the U-40 Bucket List Racing Hydroplane aptly coined Lane 1’s “Hole” the Turf Monster! Even noting how you could see the darker patch of water in this hole.

 

As the Turf Monster reared its ugly head in Heat 3B when current U-40 Unlimited driver Dylan Runne raced down to Turn 1 in Lane 1 and promptly “Hooked” the turn, putting Him out of contention for the rest of the qualifying heat!

 

Yet Shane had won the (2021) Gold cup previously at Madison running in Lane 1 and as the four Hydros made a perfect start, Shane flew thru the corner and effectively never looked back enroute to His sixth gold cup victory!

 

Shane’s only blemish over the weekend occurred in Heat 3B when suffering from rudder “flutter”, with Shane noting the mechanical issue really tore Him up!

 

And although Shane and Tate ran deck-to-deck for three of the final’s five laps. With H1 Unlimiteds Play-by-Play announcer Brad Luce noting how Shane was literally flying the boat! With Shane later saying He’d gotten eight feet out of the water on one lap before settling back down!

 

Nobody could touch Jimmy Shane! Who set two more milestones in His storied Unlimited career. Along with winning on return from a four year hiatus. The win moved His career tally to 26 victories, taking sole possession of fourth all-time. While His sixth Gold Cup win surpassed being tied with the great Gar Wood. And I believe also puts Him fourth overall for Gold Cup victories?

 

Since Chip Hanauer and Dave Villwock are tied for most Gold Cup wins with eleven apiece, and Bill Muncey has eight W’s.

 

Thanks to the three hours weather delay at the Mid-Ohio IndyCar race, I got to “watch”, Err listen to most of Sunday’s Unlimited action. Even with one of the Heats being cancelled with 1:24 on the clock to going Green! As the same weather system was moving thru the Ohio river, along with causing large amounts of debris to clog the river and encroach upon the racecourse. With the final being delayed until 4:35PM Pacific if I remember correctly?

 

Tate was issued a Bearing Out penalty for encroaching on another driver’s lane, thus dropping from second to last. (fifth) Peabody finished second, Kelly third and Kennedy fourth.

Outfoxing Foodies’, bumping Shemozzle and Car Washes

Current day IMS Tenderloin basket. (The Tomaso Collection)

 

“Let it rain, let it pour”. Hey I hear an Old Man’s Snore!

 

Certainly, its old news now about Romain Grosjean and Takuma Sato’s Up Close ‘n Personal outcomes with animals at Mother Speedway this April, during the two day IMS Open test.

 

Romain Grosjean, was quite peeved after a bird flew into His cockpit during testing! Grousing about not even getting to have any Chicken pate afterwards!

 

French racing driver Romain Grosjean has angered animal rights group Peta for “flippant” comments after hitting a bird while testing for next month’s Indianapolis 500

 

Whilst Taku-san’ said He saw something “Furry” moving around when entering Turn-1 at some 220mph! Which turned out to be a Fox ambling cross the Speedway!

 

Score 1-1 for the Animals. As Grosjean complained about how His suit stunk, His helmet stunk and He didn’t even get to have any chicken or Courdon Bleu…

 

While no idea why Romain was so mad at Marcus Armstrong following the Sonsio Grand Prix?

 

Hey Romain, its not like Marcus said keep your hands off my Swanson Hungry Man dinner.

 

Letgo my Eggo Romain!

 

“Road Kill lunches

This one’s kinda tough

 

I even like the Chicken

If the sauce’s not too blue”

 

VIDEO: TV Dinners

 

And if you thought those tenderloin sandwiches, Coke and fries, or is it onion rings? Were expensive. Then perhaps Y’all didn’t hear about the $150 caviar with sprinkled gold flakes Hot Dogs sold at the Miami Grand Pris!

 

Whilst Thar was also the Gold Digger steak sandwich available for only $135, or some bite sized ‘lil Debbie caviar muffins for $30, Aye Karumba!

 

Outrage as Miami Grand Prix unveils $150 caviar Hot dog for F1 showpiece: Absolutely tone deaf

 

Then there’s the matter of no Bump Day this year. Which although I don’t have a problem with reshuffling the weekend’s qualifying procedures. Other than I still think artificially boosting the engines is lame!

 

No, I just have a problem with blurring the lines between true Bumping and bumping positions, since they’re not the same. Can you hear me now IndyCar!

 

Nope, No Mother Natured didn’t approve of the Qualie’ format change Jokes here…

David Land: This Didn’t need to Change

 

Lastly, for all of those who drove to Mother Speedway back and their vehicle’s splattered with bugs, road tar and whatever other debris a good road trip entails. Then perhaps you’ll want to make sure your trip to the local car wash pans out far better than Tex’s did!

 

And no, that’s not an ‘Ol SuperTex’ reference either. But John Phillips story is priceless!

 

Don’t Mess with Tex!

 

What’s that ‘Ol song about At the Car Wash, Crunch!

 

Partial song lyrics from: ZZ Top’s TV dinners, 1983 Eliminator Album. 

Do “One Off” liveries matter?

The iconic “Yellow submarine” that Scott McLaughlin captured pole aboard last year at Indianapolis. (The Tomaso Collection)

 

Golly, that sure is a purdy lookin’ racecar… Whale’ it was before ScottyMac’ wadded it up during Sunday morning’s Fast Twelve Shootout practice session, Youza!

 

Yeah, I know Y’all are saying but what about this past weekend’s Indianapolis 500 qualifying,  Righto? Which certainly didn’t lack for drama!

 

Being Blind, have I reminded Y’all lately? Obviously I cannot “See” what all of the special One-off liveries look like? Or if they’re flattering or not?

 

During the Miami Grand Prix, Formula 1 fans were up in arms over la Scuderia’s One-off livery interspersing title sponsor HP’s blue and white into the traditional rosso livery, which I know I scribbled ‘bout here on No Fenders a year ago…

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2024/05/ferrari-turns-blue-chasing-red-bull.html

 

As the Ferrari SF-25 sported HP’s blue and white on it’s engine cover, rear wing and wheels in a nod to their one year partnership, which began at Miami last year. With Charles Leclerc and Lewis Hamilton wearing with and blue overalls as part of the One-off asymmetric livery.

 

As one disgusted Tifosi wrote that it was like putting pineapple on pizza! Another saying it could be the worst livery ever. And another saying that Ferrari was morphing into Williams in front of our very eyes on Social media!

 

Referring to those iconic, and good looking HP sponsored Williams BMW racecars of the early Ought’s…

 

Meanwhile, Racing Bulls ran a One-off bright pink racecar at Miami, promoting it’s Energy drinks owners new summer peach flavour, including the drivers wearing magenta overalls.

 

While Sauber also joined the Miami Party-theme train. Running what was called an “Art Car”. Which apparently saw the teams traditional colours “Shaken, not Stirred” in a blender? Although the press release claims that what appears to be dripping wet neon green and black hues were applied to it’s C45 chassis. Along with the drivers overalls, pit wall and garages, to commemorate Miami’s vivid Art scene…

 

Arse-suming Y’all know about Arrow McLaren’s One-off “Artic” white Indianapolis 500 liveries, part of this year’s Never Stop Racing campaign. As the Nos. 5-7 Arrow McLaren’s will feature a base coat of white with driver specific colours, while Kyle Larson’s NO. 17 will be white with blue accents.

 

As have to say to Mwah, I think their 60th anniversary McLaren Indy 500 racecar liveries of 2023 were far superior! But what do I know, especially since I cannot see any of them, Y’all…

 

Yeah, I understand why we’ve got to wait until after the Indy road course’s tune-up Grand Prix is run before we can start dolling out those One-off Indianapolis 500 liveries. As this makes me think of the Super bowl and everybody Ah-Waitin’ and grading that year’s commercials.

 

As don’t know who’ll have either the best or worst Indy 500 livery? But when I think of worst, I immediately think of Count Dracula’, Err Rinus VeeKay’s black ‘n yellow polka dot thrown in a blender mobile from a few years ago, Hya!

 

Whilst we know that Conor Daly won’t be running any Polka Dot block chain El Speciale livery this year. Although it’ll be funny if He runs a Union 76 theme car when I believe Shell is the official fuel partner of IndyCar, Righto?

 

Having since learned that Daly’s car is running AM/PM sponsorship, along with Circle K, and possibly ARCO? Since I think they’re all owned by Atlantic Richfield Petroleum.

 

Whilst I Arse-sume that at least ScottyMac’, aka Scott Mclaughlin will once again be driving the iconic Pennzoil “Yellow submarine”. With no idea what reigning two-times Indy 500 winner Josef Schlick’ Newgarden will carry? Although presume Will Power will have some El Speciale Verizon “paint” scheme again, Eh?

 

Thus, not knowing half of this year’s Indy 500 liveries. Although I did learn who the obscure primary sponsors of Castroneves and Marco Andretti’s rides. Along with Marcus Ericsson’s Allegra car said to “Pop!” And that beautiful #51 Miller High Life car of Jacob Abel’s unfortunately not celebrating the “High Life” on Sunday.

 

 And thanks to the thoroughly GOOBERED, Cough-Cough, Uhm “New & Improved”, NOT! Racer website, with much difficulty, I learned that Abel’s Dale Coyne Racing teammate Rinus VeeKay’s primary sponsor is askROI. With NO askROI jokes here about where’d the missing three miles per hour go?

 

Busting up in laughter when IndyCar Radio Network’s Turn 3 reporter Jake The Riddler’ Query said VeeKay’s sponsor is askROI, and He’s asking where the speed went right now…

 

Whilst obviously, I cannot see what they look like? And hence, cannot be swayed by their marketing efforts. Or tell Y’all which cars look “Cool” and which don’t. Or how well this marketing exercise works?

 

As Derek Daly had a good point about the lack of “brand” recognition that’s long been IndyCar’s hallmark in the following Racer article.

 

https://racer.com/2025/05/08/a-letter-to-roger-penske-color-confusion-and-the-quest-for-young-indycar-fans

 

But I do think it’s cool that the Prema Racing cars run in an Italian Flag motif of white, green and red. As how ‘bout that Robert Shwartzman!

 

Are, You, Ready, to G-O Racing?         

Domination, Indeed!

Although that’s not the word that came to mind…

 

What can I say about the utter domination of two drivers this past weekend, Eh?

 

As IndyCar Radio’s Mike Gravelly’ James kept saying the word domination when describing Alex Palou’s performance at thee Barbers’. As I’d say that Palou took the Barber shears to His competition! Leading a Mega’ 81 of 90 laps at Barber Motorsports Park in Leeds, Alabama Sunday.

 

As I simply marveled over Palou’s domination, cruising home to a 16-plus seconds lead, for which all I could say was the word Annihilation!

 

And if you thought the IndyCar race was boring, well, I fell asleep just past the halfway point of the Miami Grand Prix! Although the first 13 laps were certainly exciting! And how can you not appreciate Verstappen’s tenacity, Eh!

 

But as Sky Sports F1 lead pundit Kroftie’, aka David Kroft said later on. The two McLarens were in another Post code Sunday at the Hard Rock Stadium! And Oscar Piastri’s winning by 36+ seconds over Mercedes third place George Russell was total Annihilation!

 

As I’d thought that Palou had put a Beatdown on the IndyCar field, which He did! Now leading the championship by 60 points over unlikely second place Christian Lundgaard. But what does Piastri’s tour de force say about Formula 1? Claiming McLaren’s first three-peat by a driver since Mika Hakkinen during 1997-98, Crikeys!

 

Ironically, I heard ScottyMac’, aka Scott McLaughlin musing sometime over the weekend about Clean Air, as there’s those words again…

 

While you’d have to give Lewis Hamilton an A+ for sarcasm during the Miami Grand Prix. First telling His Ferrari team to have a Tea break while they’re at it! Regarding swapping positions with teammate Charles Leclerc.

 

And then when told to let Leclerc back by and having to wait for Him to overtake. When Lewis’s race engineer told Him that Williams Carlos Sainz was 1.4 seconds behind. Hamilton quipped do you want me to let Him by too? 

Ferrari turns Blue Chasing Red Bull

Although totally changing colours did little to Help!

 

Casual Formula 1 viewers couldn’t be blamed for thinking there was something wrong with their television set’s reception when tuning into this year’s Miami Grand Prix. Like Hold on Vern’, Thars something wacky going on with the colour settings! Try movin’ those Wabbit’ Ears Vern…

 

As for reasons unknown, la Scuderia’, nee Ferrari’s traditional Rosso corsa racecars were appearing to be two different shades of Blue!

 

Although we quickly learned that this was ultimately another marketing gimmick, celebrating Scuderia Ferrari’s signing of computer giant HP as their new title sponsor. Even though the team claimed it was in Honour of the 70th Anniversary of Ferrari’s involvement in North America.

 

Yet I’m cornfuzed why this isn’t being trumpeted as the 75th Anniversary of Ferrari’s presense in North America? Since noted Ferrari Factory agent Luigi Chinetti began importing Ferrari’s to the United States in early 1949. With some Chap named Briggs Cunningham finishing second at Watkins Glen aboard a Ferrari 166MM Spyder in ’49.

 

Yes, that’s the same Luigi Chinetti who gave Ferrari it’s first 24 Heurs du Mans victory Wayback’ in Gory 1949! When the naturalized Italian drove a super Human 22.5 Hour total! Spelled only briefly by the evocative Ferrari 166MM Barachetta’s owner and co-driver Peter Mitchell-Thompson.

 

As Chinetti also established N.A.R.T., known as North American Racing Team in 1958. Going onto win the 24 Hours of Le Mans in 1965 with the controversial Ferrari 250LM prototype.

 

Accroding to the Daily Mail, Alberto Ascari wore light Blue shirts and Hat during His two Formula 1 World Championships for Ferrari during 1952-53. While John surtees, Chris Amon, Lorenzo Bandini and Ludovico Scarfiotti all wore light blue Overalls during the 1960’s.

 

Niki Lauda wore light blue overalls for His 1974 debut season at Ferrari, before switching to rosso for the ’75 F1 campaign. While teammate Clay Regazoni wore Dark Blue the same season

 

Most famously, John Surtees won the 1964 Formula 1 World Championship driving a blue and white Ferrari 158. As reportedly Il Commendatore, nee Enzo Ferrari was so outraged that the FIA wouldn’t recognize His Ferrari 250LM prototype for Homologation, He threatened to never race in Rossa corsa again!

 

Thus Surtees and teammate Bandini Ferrari’s ran the final two rounds of the ’64 championship in the blue and white national colours of the United States under the N.A.R.T. paint scheme at Watkins Glen and Mexico city.

 

While Ferrari ran a special “One-off” Red and White paint scheme in Honour of those glorious 1970 Championship winning racecars of Lauda and Jody Scheckter, during the inaugural modern day Las Vegas Grand Prix last November.

 

As the Ferrari SF24 and it’s drivers will be adorned in Astro la planta And Astra Dino, with the first being the light blue hue. Whilst the latter dark blue hue’s name pays homage to Enzo Ferrari’s son known as Dino.

 

Yet Scuderia Ferrari has also seen multiple F1 chassis race in solid yellow. Including when the privateer Equipe Nationale Belgium entry of Olivier Gendebien appropriately finished fourth at the 1961 Belgian Grand Prix.

 

As Scuderia Ferrari claimed a 1-2-3-4 sweep. With Factory drivers Phill Hill winning. Wolfgang von Trips second and Richie Gintherthird ahead of Gendebine. Which I believe is the only time an F1 Constructor has swept the first four finishing positions…

 

But when I think of Hewlett Packard and Formula 1, I immediately Flash back to those early 2000’s superb Williams BMW racecars with Juan Pablo Montoya and Ralf Schumacher at their keyboards…

 

And speaking of Williams, I hope that former Team Willy’ and current Red Bull Designer supreme Adrian Newey goes to Ferrari next year!

 

Naturally, after I’d initially finished scribbling these thoughts. On May 1st no less, for which Y’all should know the significance of the date regarding Formula 1 History. Making it somewhat odd, since that’s arguably Newey’s and Williams Darkest Day. When Ayrton Senna died driving His Williams FW16 Renault V-10 racecar.

 

As Y’all may enjoy this video upon the history of Imola, which you can watch below…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQvDQy7ADfU

 

Red bull announced that Adrian Newey would indeed leave the team in the first Quarter of 2025 and spend His remainng time at Milton Keynes finishing the RB17 Track Car.

 

Apparently this means that Newey, now 65 cannot start His next F1 Engineering assignment until 2026? Although next year’s F1 chassis will be a bit of lame Ducks due to the impending, massive rules change for the 2026 F1 season.

 

Meanwhile, Newey’s possible future employer disappointed by only adding splashes of two different blue hues to it’s Rosso corsa racecar at Miami. Although both drivers Overalls at least were blue… 

F1: Mirages on Miami’s Hard Rock Bay

Huh,  I Don’t see ‘Ol Don Johnson’s Cigarette Boat in the Hard Rock Stadium’s Harbour…

 

Perhaps it’s just being an “Off weekend” for Indy Cars that helped me focus upon the Miami Grand Prix? Or that the TV Broadcast times were overly pleasant for us West coast viewers for a change? Since I Didn’t bother getting up at Oh Dark 30 for Any of the Azerbaijan Grand Prix Uhm, “Action.”

 

As I Don’t wanna say that was a Dull race! But I cannot remember the last time I willingly switched Thy Telie’ off with nearly an Hour’s replay remaining Sunday evening in order to listen to a CD Audiobook instead! And Being more interested in the Adventures of Froto Baggins…

 

Also realized the obvious, that having TV Announcers, Err Pundits who are cohesive, knowledgeable, but Don’t take themselves to seriously Helps immensely! And even though I found myself wondering over whether ‘Ol Martin Billybob’ Brundle’s being “Eased Out” in favour of a younger Jenson Button? I got to enjoy lots of Face-time with my favourite Pundit fondly known simply as ANT’, aka Anthony Davidson! Who brings a fresh, easy to listen to perspective. And the chemistry between Him, Jense’ (Button) and either Kroftie’, aka David Kroft or Rachel Brooks was effusive! With the Cherry on Top being that my favourite Pitlane Reporter Theodore, Not Lenny! Dravitz was on Duty also.

 

Yet with another perceived Red Bull Whitewash, I started Hearing Sir Paul in my Head singing those familiar words; as sing it Paul!

 

“Fixing A Hole where the Rain Gets in, and Stops My Mind from Wondering where It will Go?”

 

Since although I’d laugh myself Silly if Checo’ could really, truly pull off the Sport’s biggest upset since I Dunno? Perhaps 2016, Eh? My Brain’s screaming you’re A Dreamer Sergio Perez! Thinking you can actually become World Champion over Red bull’s Golden Boy Maxi-Millions!

 

But then again, may be since Formula 1 is so very, very Dull right now! That’s All that the F1 Pundits can conjer up to talk about? And with Perez trailing Verstappen by only six points. Which Me thinks is the “tightest” the Points gap will be this season, then I’d say Tally Ho! “Smoke ‘em if You’ve Got ‘em!”

 

Hence this made me ponder just how many Formula 1 teammates had been F1 World Champions over the Decades? And this is what I mentally came up with.

 

1950-51: Alfa Romeo, Giuseppe Farina-Juan Manuel Fangio; 1966-67: Brabham, Jack Brabham-Dennis Hulme; 1984-85: McLaren, Niki Lauda-Alain Prost; 1988-89: McLaren, Ayrton Senna-Alain Prost; 1996-97: Williams, Damon Hill-Jacques Villeneuve; 2015-16: Mercedes, Lewis Hamilton-Nico Rosberg.

 

Thus in 73 years of modern era Grands Prix racing, this feat has only occurred six times. Making me think the Odds are stacked against Sergio Perez. And that’s even before we get to the Fact that Red Bull is Max Verstappen’s team!

 

Meanwhile, I can only Arse-sume that the pressure upon Williams F1 American rookie Logan Sargeant was sweltering that weekend, a la the temperatures around Miami Gardens Hard Rock Stadium! Especially since Y’all cannot “Cool” yourselves Down in Lake Hard Rock’s Wading Pool!

 

Heard Button saying that Logan’s face is on Billboards everywhere, and He’s on countless Magazine covers. And then Jense’ threw in some strange to Mwah Stat about Sargeant having scored three consecutive 16th place finishes and angling for four, Huh?

 

In Friday’s “Morning” Practice Session 1, Williams Team leader Alexander Albon was 15th with Logan P19. And then in (Free Practice) FP2, Albon improved to 10th, whilst Sargeant dropped to last in P20.

 

Hmm? Wonderin’ if Mikey A’ was quietly making the rounds in the F1 Paddock this weekend in Hopes of getting the European Boys Club to accept His Andretti Global’s application to become a Formula 1 Constructor?

 

As I’m simply, completely tired of the current F1 Theocracy and constantly Hearing the views of Red Bull’s Pied Piper Chris Horner and Mercedes Herr Crying Wolff! And why is Formula 1 so Afraid of having 24 Cars on it’s Grid?

 

As was it just a year ago when Micheal Andretti hurriedly borrowed a Miami dolphins folder to walk around the Paddock trying to get the ten F1 Team bosses to sign His piece of paper?

 

Saturday’s FP3 session saw Albon move up one position to ninth, ahead of both Mercedes and Aston Martins! While Sargeant improved to P17.

 

It was G-Damn Funny Hearing Kroftie’ say welcome back Martin Brundle as Qualie’ began…

 

Whilst going Onboard Sargeant’s car, Brundle noted He’d made a mess of the corner! As Logan would fail to advance out of Q1 and wound up P20.

 

Albon made it into Q2, but finished a tantalizing 11th, missing the “Cut” by one position. Before the Top-10 Pole Shootout was Red Flagged with 1:36 remainning and Sergio Perez on Pole! With Verstappen an unexpected P9.

 

Sunday I turned Thy Telie’ on just before High Noon Pacific, since the race was on ABC and just listed as a 3.5 Hours program, for which I know the Grand Prix itself has only a maximum time of two Hours. And just so happened to catch both of Brundel’s famous Grid Walks. With the latter being just Famous people…

 

Oh Hello Michael Andretti! Hows the application for your Formula 1 Team going? For which it was funny hearing Mikey A’ saying All the right things about Hoping to be Approved sometime this July. Before telling ‘Ol Billybob’ that they’d be racing in 2025 if approved, to which Martin was surprised. With Michael saying we’re working dillingently “Behind the Scenes” and will be ready to go with Cadillac…

 

Lastly, what in the Hell was All of that Stupendous Made for TV Hollywood Drivers intro racket by LL Cool J?

 

As I haven’t heard anything as Disgusting since the ‘Ol Rope-A-Dope Let’s Get Ready to Rumble Red Carpet Bullshit F1 Drivers intro at Circuit Of the Americas (COTA) several years ago! Which wisely Liberty Media Canned! For which they need to do again El Pronto! Even if I’ve read Liberty media’s planning to do this time of Bullshit up to eight times this year, FRACK!

 

As I’d been told that I couldn’t See how Liberty Media Had gone All Glitz ‘N Glamour this season, but I sure could Nauseatingly Feel It during the Pomp ‘N Circumstance, SPEW!

 

For which The Guardian’s F1 Reporter giles Richareds got 100% correct when He said that the race itself did Not live up to All of the Razz-muh-Tazz that Liberty Media so desperately wants for it’s “Destination” events…

 

As I’m glad to have read that the Drivers Arent’ impressed by this Nonsense either!

 

https://www.grandprix.com/news/f1-drivers-hit-out-at-miami-gp-pre-race-spectacle.html

 

Uhm, look at All of the Purdy Mermaids Mom! 

Ahead of the Curve. Or Falling a Further lap Behind?

As what’s that saying about Bloody Turnups?

 

Perhaps it’s part of what others on Ye Blogosphere denote as the Dreaded Post Indianapolis 500 Blues? Since if you’re one of my loyal No Fenders readers, then perhaps Y’all have noticed my tendency of not scribblin’ anything about either of the world’s two predominant Open Wheel Racing series lately.

 

And like Marshall Pruett said on His July 14^th Podcast with Leigh Diffey, who ironically was on His way to nearby Eugene, Oregon to cover the World Athletics Track & Field Meet for 10-days, Did something Happen in Indy Cars? Joking how Firestone had announced a new rear left tyre for Toronto, Hya!

 

As I’ll confess that following another very enjoyable 500 mile race at Mother speedway, I simply fell into a funk, and really Didn’t miss Formula 1 in the least over the month’s Hiatus I took from “Watching,” Err listening to any F1 races following the Miami Gardens Oscars Show! Whilst certainly Monaco would be another Snoozer…

 

Actually, it was 10 weeks between the Miami and Canadian Grands Prix that I skipped, since the Montreal race was on at a very pleasant West coast time. Although I could have done without the extra Fluff Danica Patrick interjected!

 

As I’ve found myself questioning How Formula 1 can call itself the Pinnacle of Motorsport since the beginning of this season, when All that anybody was talking about was the insanely Stupid Porpoising caused by the new Ground Effects regulations. As I just find this Uber Embarrassing! Especially since Ground Effects were pioneered by Lotus and Colin Chapman some Gory 44 years ago, and Formula 1 cannot “Fix” this unseemly Bouncing phenomenon until 2023, Say What?

 

Not to mention the Farcical nature surrounding this year’s inaugural Miami Grand Prix, which did everything possible to replicate thee Principality in a Parking lot where the NFL Miami Dolphins play their Home games! For which I did point out the obvious how Porpoising is what Dolphins Do!

 

And then there was that Faux Lake Miami in the Parking lot, which I’m told was complete with not only Landlocked Pleasure Craft on a Sea foam Blue Tarpaulin. But Mermaids “sunning” themselves on the Baking Hot Rocks surrounding the “Harbour” in the oppressive Heat of Miami!

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2022/05/f1-miamis-sound-machine.html

 

Couple this with the fact that Liberty media is Hell Bent upon pushing the amount of Grands Prix to an insane 25 per season, in what appears nothing more than trying to Bleed the Sport Dry of as much Cash as they can carry away! Which for Mwah, appears to be doing nothing but Oversaturating the Market in this Money Grab, along with ruining the Soul of Formula 1 by Discarding it’s Historic events in order to go to Oil Rich, Oppressive events instead. Can Y’all say goodbye Spa?

 

Not to mention that supposedly the ridiculous Upswing in popularity Stateside, Liberty Media’s most important market is solely due to The Real Housewives of F1 Netflix series, where Fans are caught up in Reality TV portrayal of the Drivers and Team Managers, Seriously?

 

As I began my F1 Odyssey Wayback in 1986 largely due to F1 having the Coolest racing cars on the Planet, and definitely the most technologically advanced! And that was years before the Zenith of the Active Ride Electronics era…

 

Yet whilst we should be marveling over today’s amazing Hybrid technology racecars that arrived in2014, everbody just complains they’re too complex and only wants to know what Herr Gunther has said about Mick Schumacher instead…

 

Thus, while I still enjoy a good Formula 1 race these days, with the British Grand Prix totally recharging my Batteries, I easily tire of needing to rise at Oh Dark 30 on the West Coast since I’m Blind and cannot operate a DVR! Not to mention getting Bored over the Usual Suspects winning weekly!

 

Hence I find myself far more interested in Indy Cars these days, and although Not being Fanatical about it, I’ve managed to “Watch,” err listen to every single race, along with Half of Qualifying after discovering I can simply listen to it via IndyCar Radio network, which I far more prefer over NBC’s current cadre of Talking Heads.

 

Yet it’s funny how IndyCar is perceivably suffering from a lack of “Viewership” since Nobody cares about Good, Competitive Racing. Instead, if you don’t have a Netflix Infotainment series to promote you, then Nobody Cares! Although Heavens Forbid IndyCar do anything to try promoting it’s Drivers…

 

Alas, if I thought Miami was bad, I completely Shudder over the Shit Show, Err Three ring Circus event next year’s Las Vegas Grand Prix is going to be! As what’s that ‘Ol Virginia Slims saying about we’ve come a long way from Caesars Palace, Baby? All of which makes my Debutante F1 race, the 1989 Iceberg Grand Prix look really Quaint!

 

While How Much will everybody’s Cable TV Bill be going up next year, since Liberty Media’s decided they need to squeeze as much profit out of their new U.S. TV Rights winning Bidder, with reports saying it’ll be as much as $75 million if Liberty gets it way! Which is like a 1300% increase, Oh Never Mind! 

A Jambalaya of Motor Racing

As Summer solstice’s right round thee Corner…

 

It’s Funny How we Change over the course of our lifetimes, since when I first began following Motor Racing in earnest Wayback’ in 1986, I was simply consumed by All things Open Wheel, initially Formula 1 before being told about the Indy Cars race at Portland International Raceway by a supervisor, who also was a member of the local Porsche Club. Although Formula 1 was Top Dawg’ for Mwah then.

 

As I marveled over how inexplicably I found myself “Watching,” Err listening to Baku’s Friday (Free Practice) FP2 session, being the first Formula 1 I’d consumed in over one month, not having “tune In” since that Farcical Faux Monaco GP poundin’ round Miami’s Hard Rock Stadium’s Parking lots!

 

Although I’m told that Miami had something Monaco doesn’t, that being the bevy ‘O Mermaids Suntanning” themselves upon the Hot Rocks jutting the Ash-fault pavement adorning that Lake Miami which featured No Water, Psyche!

 

Thus I found it weird listening to Kroftie’, aka David Kroft prattle on about potential 2023 F1 Driver moves, Huh? As it Ain’t even Summer yet! Yet the traditional (Fathers Day weekend) running of Le Mans Always makes me think of How we’ve already reached Summer’s Zenith…

 

And although I was paying much Attenzione to Circuit de la Sarthe over the weekend, I found myself musing how Le Mans and Road America were both renown for their Camping! Whilst it was Great Hearing, Err reading that Mrs. Oilpressure had finally  escaped the confines of Her Hospital Bed for the Greener Pastures of Road America this past weekend!

 

https://oilpressure.com/2022/06/11/an-ordeal-not-worth-repeating/

 

As it was entertaining reading how Romain Grosjean had told Kevin Lee He’d rather Go for the Brat versus being a Cheesehead, since He wasn’t a Fan of Wisconsin Cheese. But I was more interested Hearing Romain say that Road America reminded Him of thee Mighty Spa’, aka Spa Francorchamps, which are arguably two of the world’s Best Racetracks!

 

While I know both circuits are also known for the wafting fragrences of many Campfires and Cooking, as Colton Herta’s comments are typical of both venues. As Herta mused in a taped recording during the IndyCarr Radio Network’s race Broadcast how much He enjoyed being able to smell Sausages and Bacon being Cooked on the Back Straight of Road America…

 

But back to the racing, as I have to say I was left feeling quite Deflated, since Alexander Rossi seemed to just Fade after having been Beaten Out of the Pits during the first Pit Stop by eventual race winner Josef Newgarden. As Rossi just seemed never able to recover, and then on the race’s final restart, Marcus Ericsson passed Rossi who was frantically trying to keep pace with Newgarden, seeing Rossi finish a Dejected third.

 

As it was a fairly entertaining race, with All of the multiple race (tyre) strategies, while the five Full course Cautions tended to make the race feel somewhat Disjointed. Which led me coming up with a new nickname for Devlin DeFrancesco, calling Him de CrashFesto’ after His run-in with Will Power, Youch!

 

Although I suppose we should have been expecting some Mayhem after the Indy Lights race was Red Flagged for Christian vogel having launched Himself off the Turn 5 Kerbing and taking out some 80-feet of Catch Fencing, Aye Karumba! Causing the remaining 11 laps of the race to be run following the IndyCar race’s conclusion.

 

And know it’s nothing to write Home about, but Kudos to Beth Paretta, Her Paretta Autosport Squad and Simona de Silvestro for finishing 21^st after starting last in Her first Twisties’ (Road Course) IndyCar race in seven years!

 

And although I did “Watch,” Err listen to some 10 Hours of le 24 Heurs du Mans, beginning on my Telie’s Motortrend TV channel, I left for IndyCar Qualifying from Elkhart Lake before finally listening in earnest to some seven Hours via Radio Le Mans on Ye Intrawoods’, nee Internet before calling it a night.

 

As I seemed to notice that very little was said overall about the Toyota’s playing Leapfrog with each other, other then noting who was leading. But Shea Adam’s being more intrigued by some Big Red Button in the Toyota’s Pits that could remotely “Send” the Cars spoke volumes over how Dull of a race for the Overall victory was!

 

Since I Didn’t even bother getting up early for the finish. Or checking the results until late Sunday evening, following the replay of the F1 race. Since I was awaiting the Encore Presentation of the Azerbaijan Grand Prix with the Mothers Shoe Polish lady, and Didn’t want to accidently find out the results.

 

Which once again, the Clowns at ESPN were playing more Games! Since the replay magically shifted from starting at 4PM to 7:30PM Pacific upon checking my Zap-2-It’ TV Guide again following the conclusion of the Indy Lights race! And then ESPNews “Scared” Me again, since when tuning in around 7:20PM Pacific, instead of some UFC/MMA Super Highlights Show, they were showing a College Baseball Game and I thought Here We Go Again…

 

But they cut to F1 at 7:28PM and Wallah, “It’s lights Outs” in Azerbaijan! As cannot say it was a great race, or even worth waiting until 7:30PM Pacific to “Watch,” but it also wasn’t Boring either.

 

As you had to “Feel” for Ferrari which saw both cars retire. With Carlos Sainz Jr. having a Hydraulics issue and Charles Leclerc’s PU (Power Unit) going Kablamoe spectacularly while leading! As the High track tempuratures apparently weren’t kind to Ferrari powered cars, since Alfa Romeo’s GuanYu Zhou and Haas’s Kevin Magnussen both also had to retire due to PU issues…

 

Meanwhile the Mercedes were still suffering from their massive Porpoising issues, with Lewis Hamilton needing assistance getting out of his car afterwards and complaining of lower Back Pain, whilst Toto Wolff apologized for giving him a Shitbox car! Even though Mercedes finished 3-4 with George Russell leading Hamilton again.

 

While DannyRic’, aka Daniel Ricciardo mentioned how His Head felt like a Basketball being Bounced low continuously after the race, saying now He understands what the Silver Arrows Boyz’ are complaining about!

 

But it was pretty Dull over how Max Verstappen put a total Beatdown upon the field, cruising home some 15+ seconds ahead of a Dejected Sergio Perez, even with Red Bull having told Max to not use His DRS in the closing portion of the race. As it was another 1-2 for Red Bull who are now on a tear. As I still Don’t know if Perez’s tyre problems were real? Since I really Hate Team Orders in F1!

 

Although the most entertaining portion was the Kerfuffle between the two McLaren Drivers with Lando Norris Whining Ah-Mighty for His team to tell Ricciardo He’s Faster then You! Before Norris was told to Hold Station with five laps remaining, before we were left pondering if Norris was gonna Pull a Didier Pironi on the final lap? Before Picciardo finished ahead of Norris with the McLaren duo finishing P8-9 respectively.

 

Meanwhile I wasn’t surprised to learn that the No. 8 Toyota was victorious over it’s Sister No. 7, which apparently Dropped to second after a sensor issue with it’s front Hybrid system delayed it momentarily during Hour 16. As Sebastian Beumi, Brendon Hartley and Ryo Hirakawa won Toyota’s fifth consecutive Le Mans 24 Hours race, Yawn! With the #709’s Ryan Briscoe, Richard Westbrook and Frank Mellaux standing on the Podium’s third step for Scuderia Glickenhaus. 

F1: Miami’s Sound Machine

Wasn’t that the SS Minnow Harbourside? Toot Toot, Ahoy Mateys!

 

It’s a strange world we live in, although suppose I should be glad that Formula One’s finally being recognized Stateside. Although it makes me wonder how come I discovered it Wayback in Gory 1986, Huh? Whilst if I did ever come across Der Terminator’, nee Michael Schumacher in the U.S. during the late ‘90’s or early oughts’ I totally would have recognized Him, Ja Volt!

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2009/11/schueys-legend-is-born.html

 

Whilst it now seems like a lifetime ago I was attending my Debutante Formula 1 race, the maiden Iceberg Grand Prix in The Valley of The Sun some Gory 33 years ago, Crikeys!

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2014/06/retro-phoenixs-debutant-formula-1-race.html

 

I have Never pretended to be an Engineer, and No, I Don’t typically stay at Holiday Inn’s either, Hya! But it seems somewhat Apropos that F1 is headed to Miami’s Hard Rock Stadium’s Parking lot racetrack, where Porpoising is the current Buzz Word in Formula 1! Since after all, Don’t the Miami Dolphins play some ‘lil ‘Ol Pigskin games Thar, Botta Boom, Chuh Ching!

 

What bothers me most about this Pogo Stick phenomenon of bouncing Up ‘N Down race circuits straightaways, is that Formula 1 bills itself as the Pinnacle of Motorsport! And this Bouncy Bounce routine, which Austin F1 Sherpa Claudio’ told me you could see All of the cars doing repeatedly at Imola is simply embarrassing for such a Technological Sport!

 

For Mwah, the easy fix would be for the FIA to mandate the chassis being raised slightly off the ground, which I know would alter the intended Ground Effects and potentially slow the Cars down, slightly. Although F1 Engineers have a reputation of prodigiously clawing back Speed yearly…

 

Whilst I believe that Racer’s Marshall Pruett said that Indy Cars solved this similar problem by simply installing stiffer springs to cancel out the Porpoising…

 

Yet that sounds like a Horrible solution for the Drivers! While I take Mercedes George Russell’s comments seriously about how the F1 Drivers cannot sustain the physical effects of Porpoising over an entire 23 Grands Prix season! With the lanky Englishman noting how He’d suffered real Back and Chest Pain at Imola inflicted by the Mercedes W13’s Harsh Porpoising tendencies.

 

As this made me wonder out loud, are Old Racing Drivers like Cripled NFL Players afterwards, needing Walkers to get round? Not to mention having top line Dentists on Speed Dial to fix All of Thar teeth and fillings lost over the Bumps!

 

Along with Back Specialists, meaning I guess it’s a good thingy’ they get the Mega Millions contracts up front, El Correctomundo?

 

As something technically needs to be mandated in order to solve this Aerodynamic problem, which apparently Didn’t show up in All of the Super Computer CFD Modeling and Wind Tunnel  testing, which seems a Wee Bitamyte’ Odd to Mwah. Although perhaps we’ll All be noticing the Bogo Stick routine more along Hard Rock Drive vs. those incoming waves and Sea Breezes Harbourside, Ahoy?

 

So did Y’all notice Lake Rock Hard’s scenic Harbour trackside Sunday? As the Turn 7 Faux Marina has to be the Silliest part of the entire race circuit layout for Mwah!

 

As I’d already read about the various pleasure Yachts Not being able to go Anywhere, since Thars No Bloody lake! But then I read that there’s Not even any water in this Artificial lake, and it’s just some Faux Seafoam Blue material instead. With the land locked Yachts having been trucked in just for this event!

 

Thus being Blind, I won’t be able to discern if there were any Party Goers aboard these Mega Yachts? Although they would make a novel “grandstand” Seating option for the weekend. As why not “Plumb” them with lavatories and Bars for those who can afford them, Eh?

 

Especially due to the exorbitant F1 ticket prices! Since after all, this is a Parking lot race circuit, although Hopefully NO Caesars Palace Rinky Dink layout!

 

Whilst I believe I’ve read somewheres’ that the inaugural Miami Grand Prix is Sold Out capped at 80,000 Attendance and that tickets started at $900.00, aye Karumba! Having just read that Friday Only’s General Admission ticket cost $300!

 

Although I do recall the excitement and desire of attending an inaugural Grands Prix which I’ve Done twice, i.e.; Arizona’s 1989 June 4^th “Sweatfest” and the 2012 Circuit Of The Americas F1 “launch” event!

 

But I certainly Hope that they won’t pull another El Stupidio rope A-Dope Let’s Get Ready to Rumble in the Jungle Red Carpet Drivers intro like Liberty Media pulled once in Austin, which was Epically Dumb!

 

And having “watched,” Err listened to the various Formula 1 teams Drivers in Thar Stetson Hats participating in lassoing competitions at COTA, does this mean F1 Drivers will be required to Wrassle Gators inMiami?

 

Thus for Mwah, I’m more intrigued over the two differing Chassis Designs currently leading the way in F1. Which once again, Not being an Engineer, I only have a rudimentary understanding of the differences between the de riggour Push Rod Front suspension layout vs. Pull rod suspension, which presumably the latter sits lower on the chassis’s “Nose” and gives “cleaner” Aerodynamics for the rest of the Car?

 

I only bring this up since our current F1 Constructors and Drivers Points leader Scuderia Ferrari is running the conventional Push Rod layout vs. second place Red Bull’s Pull rod layout. But as we also know, it’s the entire package layout that makes a racecar successful, i.e.; Chassis, Aerodynamics, engine and Driver, albeit Don’t know which is most important?

 

Much has been made over Ferrari’s resurgence being tied to their engine’s “Power” revival. Whilst Red Bull’s Honda derived lump’ isn’t No Slouch either, with the mighty Mercedes powered teams seeming to be suffering most so far this season…

 

And with two dare I say it? Fairly equal drivers at Thar respective keyboards, Ferrari’s Charles Leclerc and Red Bull’s Max Verstappen were knotted 2-2 in Grands Prix victories prior to Miami.

 

Hence, with All of the Gimmickery of Faux Harbours and monumentous Hype being engineered by Liberty Media for it’s debut Miami race, far away from it’s intended Downtown Waterfront Haunt. I sincerely Hope the race lives up to All it’s being made out for. Since it seems a long ways from the Downtown Streets of Phoenix, Arizona and nearby Ostrich Festivals. For which when I think of the words Miami Grand Prix, I immediately think of the CART/PPG IndyCar races at Tamiammi Park and Arse-sumedly where Liberty Media wanted to be; On Biscayne Bay Boulevard, where the late Ralph Sanchez first brought IMSA GTP Sports Cars in 1983. Which even saw ‘Ol Hollywood’, aka Danny Sullivan starring in another typically ludicrous  episode of Miami Vice as a racing driver No less! As Queue the Miami vice theme music.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jswHsTJQL_c&t=4s

 

Not to mention a short lived spell of CART/PPG IndyCar World Series races run thru Tamiami Park in the mid-1980’s, before Sanchez’s permanent Homestead Miami Speedway facility opened in November, 1995, serving as Indy Cars season finale for several years…