Showing posts with label Food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Food. Show all posts

Monday, August 11, 2025

The Tomaso files: More McMurtry musings

As no more cowboy Jokes here…

 

Yeah, Y’all may be saying why am I scribblin’ about Larry McMurtry on No Fenders, Eh? But He does have a slight connection to automobiles, in the sense He loved road trips for much of His life. Not to mention renting the latest Lincoln or Cadillac for these Coast-to-coast jaunts…

 

As Larry would routinely ask His uncle or somebody where does Highway 271 go to? Apparently the only major road passing His Grandfather’s ranch in Archer City. To which whomever He asked? Would always grunt derisively and say nowhere…

 

Following High School graduation, Larry entered Rice University in Houston, when admission was free to white students. Although Rice had warned Him that His math skills were deficient. And following His first year, He transferred to University of North Texas. Being closer to home, where He also had a High School Buddy attending. Graduating with a BA in 1958, before returning to Rice for His MA in 1960.

 

Larry also was a Wally Stegner Fellow between 1960-61, where His classmates included Ken Kesey, Wendell Berry, Peter S. Beagle and Gurney Norman in Stanford’s Creative Writing Center. Honing His Fiction writing skills, and presumably working upon what would become His first published novel Horseman, pass By, also in 1961.

 

McMurtry notes that Ken Kesey entered the classroom and made a Beeline to the front of the room, letting the rest know He intended to be the class’s Alpha male, albeit Kesey and McMurtry would be friends for many years.

 

Returning to Houston in 1963, taking teaching roles at Texas Christian University (TCU) and Rice. Larry would be visited by Kesey and the Merry Pranksters in Kesey’s psychedelic painted converted school bus enroute to New York city for the 1964 World’s Fair. As this adventure would later be chronicled in Tom Wolfe’s 1968 novel The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, about the 1960’s Counter Culture revolution.

 

McMurtry called the decade between Terms of Endearment and Lonesome dove His most fallow period of writing, publishing just three novel. Which if I have them correctly? Are Somebody’s Darling, (1978) Cadillac Jack (1982) and The Desert Rose. (1983) With some critics denoting these three books as the Trash Trilogy, Youch!

 

As Larry Himself notes that He started and stopped on the writing of Lonesome dove three times. And at some 900-1,200 pages was taking seriously long to develop, especially since the Cattle drive had another 1,000 miles to go…

 

McMurtry was a raconteur of food and enjoyed going out to dinner for a good meal with beautiful women. As He was good friends with both Cybill Sheppard and Diane Keaton to name just a few.

 

Larry wore large polo shirts to hide his increasing girth and when in Archer City, had a cheeseburger for lunch everyday at the local DQ’. (Dairy Queen)

 

Sometime in Fall of 1991, after a typical day’s activities of writing five to ten pages and moving books from His ranch house to His Archer City bookstore. Larry hit a cow on a gravel road, which He claimed was normal in rural Texas…

 

The next day He stopped at His Internist to get some medicine for a cough that wouldn’t go away, thinking it was from lugging around dusty books. The Doctor said He didn’t look so good and ordered an EKG, before saying OMG, you’re having a heart attack!

 

Yet the room He was in was so small they couldn’t get the stretcher into it, but wouldn’t allow Him to walk out of the room. So the stretcher had to be disassembled, before the starstruck ambulance driver drove off a high curb after learning it was the author of Lonesome dove He was transporting! Causing the IV bags to jostle and the needles pull upon Larry strapped on a gurney…

 

Next, an Angiogram was performed, with Larry watching on a four inch screen the insides of His heart, learning He had at least three major arteries blocked and needed immediate bypass surgery! But McMurtry needed to finish the book He was writing first, The Evening Star an immediate sounded like six months to Him. Which sounds like a typical writer to Mwah…

 

On December 2, 1991 after much convincing by His Doctors, telling Larry He’d feel fine right up until the day He keeled over! McMurtry underwent quadruple heart bypass surgery, where He was put on a heart lung machine; to continue blood and oxygen while the heart is stopped. And then His heart was removed from His chest cavity and put into a cooler at 28 degrees Celsius while doctors rerouted His veins past the major blockages, grafting veins from His feet or legs.

 

four hours later, they simply reinstalled His heart and with everything re-attached, shocked His heart back into beating and “buttoned” Him up!

 

As I must say that this analogy comes from watching myriads of TV car builder shows made me instantly think of when they go to fire the new engine for the first time. And that I had to re-read this section a second time for clarity…

 

Since the first time I heard the part about removing His heart when listening to the book in the evening, I kind of got the creeps wondering to myself is this how they performed my open heart surgery? Although I’m 98% certain that my heart wasn’t removed from my body, but it’s a very chilling thought afterwards…

 

 Even stranger yet is how McMurtry simply rested for ten days at His Georgetown dwelling before resuming life as normal, i.e.; driving to Texas for Christmas, albeit avoiding His mother as much as possible! And then just going back to His normal working life of running a rare book store, writing, etc. As this seems very odd to me, especially since I couldn’t do anything initially, besides sleep! Along with zero strenuous activity for the first eight weeks…

 

Thus, He lived nearly another thirty years after having quadruple heart bypass surgery at the end of 1991. And suffered from great depression following His surgery before writing Streets of Laredo with writing partner Diana Ossana.

 

As Diana was instrumental in bringing Him out of His “funk”, with McMurtry recovering at Her house in Tucson. And would transcribe Larry’s written draft written in Her kitchen onto the computer.

 

As Larry initially would write five pages a day on an old typewriter, and during His initial recovery period would write 90mins each morning.

 

Interestingly, Larry McMurtry married Norma Fay Kesey, the widow of Ken Kesey in 2011, in His hometown of Archer City. Larry was 74 and Faye was 76.

 

Ken Kesey was the author of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, which ironically just celebrated the movie’s 50th anniversary on July 13th &16th. When the re-released movie was shown on limited theatres in Washington and Oregon. Although supposedly this was occurring nationwide.

 

Wasn’t aware that Michael Douglass was the producer of the film, which stars Jack Nicholson and Danny DeVito.

 

As the movie was nominated for nine Oscar awards, although Douglass said He had to work very hard to get Nicholson to attend the awards ceremony. As Nicholson had been nominated five times and failed to win five times previously.

 

Striking out on the first four nominations, Nicholson began lambasting Douglass, who said Hang in there Jack. Before the movie swept the five “biggies”, i.e.; Best Picture, Director, Actor,, Actress and Screenplay.

 

Which had only occurred once before in 1934 for It Happened One Night. And only once since for Silence of the Lambs. (1991)

 

Kesey grew up in Springfield, Oregon and graduated from the University of Oregon, and was a longtime resident of Eugene. Before dying at age 66 in November, 2001.

 

While McMurtry was a prolific writer, with some 40 novels alone written. Not to mention His massive screenplay writing career for both film and television.

 

As McMurtry’s novels adapted for film garnered 34 Oscar nominations, and won 13. Including McMurtry and Diana Ossana co-winning for Best Adaptive Screenplay for Brokeback Mountain in 2005.

 

As Larry made His portion of His acceptance speech wearing jeans and cowboy boots underneath His tuxedo jacket. Thanking His typewriter and urging everyone to support books, for which without, there would be no stories.

 

And this doesn’t even include all of the Emmy nominations and awards His Lonesome Dove mini-series and television work received… 

Wednesday, June 25, 2025

A Simple deed

The type that makes you smile on the inside…

 

Last week I went to the grocery store twice, to split up my oversized load. And both times I got to go thru my favourite Cashier’s line…

 

Dave, whose predominantly a NASCAR and NHRA fan, nonetheless have begun talking motor racing with Mwah while checking my groceries. Which I get to do very little these days. Making it especially refreshing in what is simply known as Ducks country. As in the Oregon Ducks who are our next door neighbour 50-plus miles east…

 

As I was happy to hear Dave say previously He’d watched the Indianapolis 500. Along with telling me His travails of trying to get access to NASCAR’s six race Amazon Prime segment. For which it sounds like it really shouldn’t have been that hard for Him!

 

First telling me that the account was in His widow’s name so they wouldn’t take His credit card. And then having to pay $47 for Amazon’s tech support to just tell Him His TV was too old. Before Dave figured out He could hook His computer via an HDI cable? Into the back of His TV and Walah!

 

So I’d casually asked Dave who’d won the Mexico City NASCAR race while Dave was multi-tasking and He couldn’t come up with the name at the moment, which really didn’t matter to me.

 

Naturally, I was pleasantly surprised when three days later without prompting, Dave told me that The Giz’, aka Shane Van Gisbergen had won at Autodromo Hermanos Rodriguez and that a lot of people were upset about Van Gisbergen now being in the playoffs, thanks to His first win this season.

 

As I’d totally already forgotten about this, and had never bothered finding out who’d won…

 

But what really impressed me about Dave was His elaborating upon Van Gisbergen being in His words a five times Australia Supercars Champion who’s from New Zealand. And when I mentioned there was another Kiwi’ named Scott McLaughlin, Dave immediately said He’s in IndyCar’s! Before I said they’re both Bad Arses from Down Under! With Dave saying they’d come Stateside where All the money is.

 

As Dave’s longtime favourite Roundy-Round RASSCAR’ driver is Kyle Busch, who He claims is the highest paid NASCAR driver, making a ridiculous $35 million, which I have no idea if that’s true?

 

But what made me truly happy was the fact that Dave knew before I’d finished my sentence not only who ScottyMac’, nee Scott McLaughlin was, but that He was an IndyCar driver!

 

Especially since this conversation was taking place in Bumfiddle’ Florence! Three days later and that Dave had made an effort to remember to tell me the winner’s name. Since I highly doubt a “Huge” portion of our miniscule population follows IndyCar, or even knows what it is… 

Friday, May 16, 2025

INDY 500: Searchin’ Far and Wide

Now if I could only find me a decent Tenderloin sandwich to go with my Chips, and something to Drink! (The Tomaso Collection)

 

As the yearly Hunt for the perfect, Classic Jumbo Tenderloin Rolls On…

 

Every May, the Media likes to Salt ‘N Pepper us with stories of People’s yearly Indianapolis 500 traditions, since after all it’s the Gurr-Reatest’ Something Ruther…

 

And although I can No longer recall if I’ve ever Had one? Since I only remember paying $9.00 for a Steak Sandwich during the 2006 USGP Formula 1 race instead, but I digress…

 

Thus for over a Decade Now, I’ve lived vicariously thru the written and spoken word  of one such person with the tradition of Hunting for the elusive, perfect Classic Jumbo Tenderloin Sandwich at Mother Speedway every May! For which this ‘lil Ditty’s in regards to and Good Hunting!

 

Testing Testing, 1-2, 1-2, Is this Thingy’ On?

 

“The Searcher”

I looked Under Stand J

I looked Behind the Museum

I Asked around the Pagoda

But They couldn’t Help Me either

 

They Call Me The Searcher

I’ve been Searchin’ Far and Wide

I Won’t Get to Taste what I Came For

Until I’m Trackside

 

I Asked Doug Boles

I Asked Mark Miles

I Asked Jay Frye

But He Couldn’t  Help Me either

 

They Call Me The Searcher

I’ve been Searchin’ Far and Wide

I Won’t Get to Taste what I Came For

Until I’m Trackside

 

People ten to Scoff at Me

They Think I’m Crazy lookin’ for the perfect Tenderloin

Always interrupting Me to Say Hi George

When I’m putting Mustard on my Bun

 

Finding A Classic Tenderloin

I’ve been Searchin’ for Miles

 

Because I’m The Searcher

And I want A Real Tenderloin

 

And I Won’t Get to Get What I’m After

Until I’m trackside

 

I’ve learned Not to Stop at the First concession Stand

But Yeah look at My Face, Ain’t that A Smile

 

I’m Happy when I’ve found My Classic Tenderloin

Cause I’ve Got Values and I Won’t be Denied

 

I’m lookin’ for Mine

You’re lookin’ for Yours

We’re Both lookin’ together, But we don’t Know where to Turn!

 

They Call Me The Searcher

I’ve been Searchin’ Far and Wide

I Won’t Get to Taste what I Came For

Even if they’re now Twelve Dollars and 50 cents

Until I’m Trackside!

 

This Lyrical Prose was Shamelessly inspired by The Who’s The Seeker song, which Y’all can listen to in the Youtube link below…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAbzlj3nf4E

 

(Originally written by Tomaso on May 15, 2022. Updated on May 16, 2024) 

Thursday, May 1, 2025

Rotten Tomatoes, or should that be Tamales?

Y’all say PanaMax, I say Canamax…

 

Previously, the Armani Canamax champ car team was in the midst of a slate of rotating drivers. Most notably Jaque Dudley from Up North Eh! Having been dumped after our new Pretender-in-chief Billy Jo Bradshaw had won election to our nation’s highest office in a big, beautiful landslide…

 

Thus, the teams major Domo, a one Preston Henry Winchester III was hard at work as always to ring a few more ounces of performance out of His racing teams, and ultimately improving it’s owners and shareholders bottom lines.

 

Audrey,  get Dumfries, Duquione and Duncan on the line for me. Yes Mr. Winchester. Mr. W’, Baron Dumfries is currently in the Cotswold’s at His Hunting Chalet, but I’ve got (Junior partner) Gerrard Duncan on the phone…

 

Gerrard, what’s the latest on our lawsuit vs. that Pipsqueak Jonathan Truxbury? What do you mean He won’t pay the $100m (Australian Pounds) I’m requesting!

 

Very well. Look, every Damn time that Fucking ‘lil No Good Truxbury wins a race, I want you to request an extra $2 million in putative damages. And every time He finishes ahead of any of my Armani Champ Cars, tack on an extra one million! As that should make that Bloody Limey squirm!

 

Now look Gerrard, the reason I called was that we’ve got to do something about the illegal usage of the word Panamax All these wanton Burmese ship builders are building lately. As it’s leaving a bad stain upon our racing company…

 

Yeah, I’ll call my buddy Elroid in DC and see if He can get me a meeting with our Fearless leader.

 

Audrey, aske our truck driver Roscoe Snow to come see me immediately. Yes Mr. W. You asked to see me Mr. Winchester.

 

Does your ‘Ol Man still have His 50th Anniversary Peterbilt KP900 tractor that He used to haul Coors from Texarkana? Good, ask Him if He can meet me in Nashville at the Mockingbird Cafe tomorrow afternoon, its important. Yes Mr. Winchester. And tell Himn to leave His dog Butch Home…

 

Audrey, I’m going for a drive in the countryside. Tell Hugo to bring over my Canamax SP500 Special Spyder pronto, even if He’s at the Gym!

 

Hey Elroid, “What’s the Haps?” Yeah, you’re telling me about the price of Eggs! Thar’ one of our signature pancake brand’s main ingredient.  Yes Elroid, I’m calling on an encrypted SpartoCuss’ App. No, I didn’t add any of my family to it, What, Oh Never Nind elroid!

 

Look, I’d really like to meet with El Presidente to find out what He’s gonna do about the Peruvian Canal? Or at the very least tack on some sort of Canal usage fee to All of these PanaMax cargo ships sailing round the world. As they’re infringing upon our brand name…

 

Look, just let Him play with some of your Double Eagle gold pieces and Silver dollars. As He likes shiny things. Oh, I’ve gotta take this call from Achmed pdiumSoulayium. He’s threatening to Fine one of our drivers for saying the word Fart on the podium in Dubai…

 

Hello Mr. Snow, I’m glad you could join me for lunch. Yes, your son Roscoe’s doing a bang-up job for us. Now look Mr. Snow, or can I call you Cletus?

 

Ok Snowman’, here’s the deal. I’ve got to get 45,000 Grade Double A cage free snow downy pampered Eggs off of my books immediately before they All Hatch! No, I really thought we’d be able to move them over the Easter weekend…

 

Your son Roscoe’s loading them in a Gold Peterbilt KP9000C 100th Anniversary Sleeper tractor. All you’ve got to do is drive them up to The Great White North! To our William Joseph & Sons Bakery, where we’ll use them to make Doughnuts. And then return with 500 cases of O’Flaughtery’s Beer.

 

Yeah I know that there’s Triple-rate Dutys to pay now for crossing into our fine northern state, but you leave that to me. As I’m getting Billy Jo Bradshaw to write us a note saying we Don’t have to pay these, and you’ve got special permission to transport whatever you want!

 

Yeah, I’ve already spoken to the Bandit’. And Clint says He and His Old Lady Sally are in also, and will run interference for you like always.

 

Nope, they’re going in separate cars this time, since we know how they like to go Skinny-dipping at Niagara Falls! As Clint will be driving a black Canamax C45 Hypercar. While Sally will be running Caboose in Her black Canamax Rosberg LP675 tribute model.

 

As the three of you really shouldn’t have any problems outrunning those Mounty’, even if they’re on Arabian Horses. Any questions Cletus?

 

You’ll pick up the Brewsi’ at the Marigold Brewery. It’s an ‘Ol converted Labatts brewery that Billy Jo’s eldest son William owns.

 

Nobody knew that Billy Jo has a younger brother named Shane Bradshaw who was a Major League Baseball pitcher who played for the Blue Jays. Whale’ nobody knew until some Rolling Stones reporter listened into Billy Jo’s wife Lisa Maria telling Her Hairdresser via Her private SpartoCuss account. Look, I Dunno why His wife added that Rolling Stones reporter to Her private chat…

 

Yep, the Bradshaw’s are an old Irish family that made their fortunes growing potatoes, before branching into the Distillery business. And they were doing a brisk business with their O’Flaughtery Beer brand Up North Eh! Before All those G-Damn patriotic Kuhnucks’ started drinking Jack Dudley’s signature beer instead. As they’ll drink anything that’s made in their fine, beautiful state.

 

So I promised billy Jo I’d bring some of His brother’s favourite beer if He comes to watch us win this year’s Iron Maiden 5000 at the Speedrome in Brownsburg…

 

Yep, you’re right we’d better throw in another 500 cases just in case we do win. I’m sure Billy Jo will wanna throw a party with All of His Friends!

 

Mr. Snow, if you’ll do this favour for me, I’ll throw in the KP9000C tractor for you to keep. And I’ll buy you and your son anything you want for dinner at Saint Elmos in Carmel. Yeah, the Bandit and His wife can com too. Hell, sure even Butch is included! Do we have a deal?

 

Great, I’ll send you the coordinates for the W.J. Sons Bakery and where to deliver those ice cold O’flattery’s Brewski’s on SpartoCuss…

 

What? You don’t have a SpartoCuss account? Ok, I’ll get Roscoe to let you know via your Ham radio or whatever contraption your ‘Ol KP900 rig has in it. 10-4 Good Buddy!

 

Catch Yuhs at the Speedrome in Brownsburg. As you and Butch are welcome to join me in our luxury Turn-3 suite. Just make sure you leave the front row seats vacant for Billy Jo and His entourage…

 

For the previous Canamax Capers installment. Please visit the following No Fenders link below.

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2024/11/indycars-old-fashioned-radio-programme.html 

Wednesday, April 23, 2025

When the Lights go Dark on Amtrak!

Tomaso with His “service” Dog Hang-10’ Hilo waiting for the train. (The Tomaso Collection)

 

And that’s got Nothing to do with El Presidente giving this Government Agency the Midas touch!

 

Ah Matey’s, here’s another soothing lullaby about a somewhat typical, Madcap 13 hours trek homewards…

 

Not to mention Microsoft’s Office being persnickety per usual! Since no matter what I do to try changing the text below to my normal font settings, it won’t save it, Sigh!

 

Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen told me to set my talking keychain clock’s alarm for Gory 5:15AM, Crikeys!

 

Ah, the joys of Island life, as this included being early for the 6:20AM Ferry back to Ye “Mainland”. Before an El Stupidio breakfast at IHOP at 7:00AM. As the cook was incredulous when our chirpy waitress told Himn my order. As I ended up paying $15.43 for a plain egg breakfast Burrito; asking to “Hold” the bacon, ham and Snazzauges’ I Don’t eat following my Heart surgery…

 

As I highly doubt we’ll ever do that again, especially since it took 40mins! Before scurrying to the nearby train station where I barely had time to use the Loo’ before boarding the 8:00AM Cascades Express train to Eugene. With the train being early and leaving at 8:00AM sharp from the Tacoma train station, all Aboard!

 

Suppose I should have known something was up, Eh? Since I swear there was zero Heat turned on from Tacoma to Portland, albeit we “flew” south to Portland in 2Hrs 45mins, including four stops in-between.

 

Whilst I’m glad I’ve long since figured out where the bathroom door’s lock is, since twice people tried opening the door as we sat for an half hour in Portland. Making me flash-back to the first time I’d ever ridden this type of train and not knowng how to lock the door, Surprise! As the door opened upon Mwah in the middle of you know what when headed to Vancouver, BC decades ago, but I digress…

 

Yet strangely, when I tried calling Mary Ellen on my cell phone twice whilst parked in Portland I couldn’t dial out or get Her number to ring, WTF? As this was an apparent sign of things to come…

 

Approaching Oregon City, OR, our Conductor made the first of multiple announcements, telling us that our train was currently experiencing electrical maladies – including no WiFi’ or HVAC, i.e.; Heating/Cooling, or power to the business class seats. Although it smelled like dust burning briefly when waiting at Portland, when I finally felt heat coming up from the heat register alongside my seat…

 

Following Oregon city, the Conductor announced that the train was just running on electricity; that’s what I believe He said. Although I did Arse-sume correctly that it was a Diesel Electric locomotive pulling us…

 

Saying they’d troubleshooted everything possible to no avail, i.e.; Fuse breakers, Computer reboot, etc. And were going to try one more outside train fix at our next stop in Salem, whatever that meant?

 

Arriving at Salem sometime before 12:28PM; time of the first of two emails sitting in my Inbox when I got home that evening, alerting me of our train issues, Uh Duh!

 

Our Conductor said we’d be staying put there until receiving permission to proceed. Since we didn’t wish to become stranded somewhere between Salem and Eugene with no pick-up possible, like Marion. And He’d give us further updates when

Possible, with Management working on Plan B, whatever that was?

 

Telling us we were allowed to leave the train to stretch our legs if desired, but should remain nearby the train. And then the female Café worker told us She’d put out complimentary water and snack packs for us. While those remaining seated around me “Cheered” when the lights went on. With somebody said whatever they’d wiggled, worked! Meaning I’d had no idea we’d been riding in the Dark for awhile, Hya! Or if this was a momentary fix?

 

After a half hour’s plus of sitting on the train, (sometime after 1:05PM) our Conductor made an announcement I’ve never experienced before in all my decades of riding Amtrak. Announcing that our train had now been Cancelled and would be going no further than Salem! Due to electrical Gremlins, two stops north of our final destination Eugene.

 

Our Conductor said He’d be passing thru the train to take a roll call of those remaining and that a bus was on it’s way to transport us to our final destination in 20-25mins.

 

Then the same female Café worker made a further announcement saying we could take whatever food we wanted from the Diner Car since it would have to be thrown away that evening. But this didn’t include any Alcohol…

 

The Conductor who handled the whole procedure remarkably well in a calm, firm but polite manner told me that yes, I’d make my Link Lane Shuttlebus connection from Eugene to Florence before escorting me off the train and into the adjacent Salem train station.

 

Then another Amtrak employee escorted me outside to stand against a concrete wall to line-up for boarding the soon arriving bus.

 

Next a friendly female employee asked for everybody to wait to allow the visually impaired rider to board first. As She guided me up the bus’s multiple steps and into a front row seat. Before our bus filled up and off we went on the Highway south to Albany and then finally Eugene, arriving at 3:12PM approx. Or roughly an hour and one-half after our trains scheduled arrival. With the bus ride taking approx. 1Hr 45mins…

 

Did the ‘Ol college try at the train’s ‘lil Boys room before another friendly female Amtrak agent escorted me outside. Taking my suitcase for Mwah, and placing me underneath the building’s overhang to be out of the rain while waiting approx. 20mins for the Shuttlebus to arrive.

 

Then the man standing to my right with His wife offered to load my suitcase aboard the Shuttlebus. While it’s driver, the famous Jethro’ sat motionless, didn’t budge a muscle or even call out the Shuttle to me! Presumably the only Blind person who utilizes it? Although perhaps He thought I was traveling with the others?

 

This kind man also helped me aboard, with His wife directing me to an empty seat, while He told Jethro He had one more bag to load…

 

And then this same, kind, Good Samaritan repeated the process for me when we arrived at our destination in Bumfuddle’ Florence, where I awaited the local taxi to pick me up and complete the day’s arduous journey!

 

Amtrak subsequently sent us an email apology for any inconvenience. And then sent us a travel voucher for a future train trip , which I didn’t even ask for. Since All I’d cared about was catching the day’s final Shuttle which I did; so No Harm, No Foul as far as I was concerned…

 

And we didn’t even get delayed or detoured when riding the Shuttlebus. Even though we did pass a car that had crashed into a roadside ditch on our way home!

 

As that’s another typical adventure for Mwah, which it amazes me that I always make All of my connections and get back home with the assistance of kind strangers. As I really enjoy riding the train, and dearly Hope there won’t be any Staff reductions or loss of service in the future! 

Monday, December 9, 2024

A Foreign World Bubbles to the Surface

Where ‘Ol Flatliners’ become Cashiers…

 

Once again, its another late to thee party entry here upon No Fenders. But Y’all try Back-timing everything you wish to scribble about. Not to mention keep pushing back in order to post other riveting No Fenders stories…

 

As sometime just over a month ago now Me Thinks, I was in the grocery checkout line with my favourite cashier Dave. Nope, No Dave’s Not Here Jokes today Folks, Hya!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtDAK7Umk7A

 

As Dave scanned my groceries and I asked Him how He was. He said He was great and had spent the weekend watching NASCAR and NHRA races. As I had no idea that Dave was a racing fan…

 

This launched Him down multiple Wabbit’ Holes, telling me All about John Force Racing’s current exploits. Musing how All “The Kid”, Austin Prock needed to do was show up at Pomona to win His first NHRA championship! Saying how Robert Height had a medical issue causing Him to leave the cockpit. And John force had to go ‘n Blow Up His racecar and crash into a barrier…

 

As if was fun hearing Dave effuse over how good Austin Prock is. Learning afterwards how amazing Prock was during His rookie season! Having won eight races, three runner-up finishes and a record 15 top qualifier awards. Surpassing His Boss John Force’s record enroute to His first Floppers’, NHRA top Fuel Funny Car championship.

 

Although Prock lost to teammate Jack Beckman in the Pomona finals, the pair of John force Racing (JFR) drivers finished 1-2 in the championship.

 

Dave then mentioned how He’d grown up at Lions Drag Strip, a venue I’d never heard of before. Which after some perfunctory research on Al gore’s All knowing wonderous machine, where I didn’t even trip the start light, How-How-How…

 

I discovered that Lions Drag Strip was in the Wilmington, a Los Angeles suburb nearby Long Beach, California.

 

The track was operational between 1955 to 1972. Yet had opened under a 30-day notice clause that could be enforced at any time. And with the area’s population increasing, residents complained about the noise and the notice was given in November of 1972. As the Los Angeles Harbour Authority tore down the dragstrip, which then sat vacant for a further ten years before being turned into today’s Mega-Container facility for overseas shipping.

 

As I’m familiar with this nationwide phenomenon. Since this is what many new residents living nearby Pacific Raceways, albeit better known to Mwah as Seattle International Raceways in Kent, Washington complain about. As I witnessed this first hand back in the 1990’s, even though the track opened in 1960 when there was nothing surrounding it!

 

Reportedly Lions Drag Strip hosted numerous American Hot Rod Association (AHRA) events, and Dave told me that He raced Competition Eliminator in 1971, Say What? As I’m still trying to figure out how old Dave is?

 

Having just learned that Competition eliminator is made up of multiple classes, which anybody can compete in their personal vehicle. And is basically Head-to-Head knockout competition with handicapped sliding scale timing to create close competition. As a Honda four cylinder Hatchback would be given a healthy start-line (time) advantage vs. a Dodge Hemi V-8 Charger.

 

Dave also said He’d raced briefly at Pomona, which arguably is the Mack Daddy ‘O Drag Strips in California. Which when I told Dave that the Irwindale Speedway and Event Center was closing this December. Dave said that Pomona, which is called the In ‘n Out Pomona Drag Strip will be the only Drag racing facility in the area.

 

Showing off my prowess in the world of Drag Racing. I was thinking for sure there was somebody else named Austin who worked as John force’s crew chief forever, after hearing the name Austin Prock. And that Prock name sounded familiar to Mwah for reasons unknown…

 

Having just re-learned it was Austin coil’s, whose ironically being inducted into this year’s motorsports Hall of Fame. Along with several more luminary figures. With Scott Dixon, Jimmie Johnson, Paul Newman and John Surtees just to name some of this year’s class honouree’s.

 

https://johnforceracing.com/blog/force-honors-austin-coils-induction-into-motorsports-hall-of-fame-of-america/

 

And then perhaps some of you are way ahead of me? When learning that Jimmy Krock, Austin’s father initially worked a fourteen year stint as a Crew Chief at John force Racing. And won the 2013 Funny Car title with John force! Before returning to JFR in 2017. Winning two more Funny Car titles with Robert Height, before winning this year’s title as His son’s Crew Chief. With His son Thomas Prock, who’s an engineer also working on the Prock Camaro Funny car, making it a family affair! After Austin Prock replaced Robert Height this year after His medical issue, as previously mentioned… 

Tuesday, November 26, 2024

IndyCar’s Old Fashioned Radio programme Continues

Although I doubt it’ll be as scary as War of the Worlds!

 

We last left off learning about an aspiring Tintops driver known as Oilcan Johnny growing up Down Under in the outskirts of Truwombia wit His Flying Squirrel motorbike. And after seeking refuge in the Formula Supreme racing series in the Orient, became a debutante Champ Car champion.

 

Yet Oilcan Johnny was no longer befitting His Wee lad’ moniker, having won His second Champ Car title. Therefore He began going by the name of Jonathan Truxbury. Although later, many took to just calling Him “JT” instead. In order to not confuse Him with His teammate Taffy Tonkaberg at Betuzi Motorsports…

 

The Canamax Formula Libre race team had a long, storied history. With its roots taking shape during the roaring Twenties’. When two British Blokes named Derek MacKenzey and Gordon Fitzgerald formed the MacKensey & Fitzgerald Motor Car Company Ltd. As the pair were eager to find a promotional “vehicle” for one of its mainstay bakery brands. As their Somerset Millery was famously known for its Crispy Pancake Mix, which us Yanks’ prefer calling Flapjacks’, or simply Hot Cakes Up North Eh!

 

As their automobile company’s name was far too long and didn’t roll off the tongue easily, they decided on the clever abbreviation of Canamax instead.

 

Thanks to the rage of Bonnie & Clyde, John Dillinger, etc. The automobile was wildly popular during those roaring Twenties. When the Canamax Formula Libre team cemented its legacy by winning the prestigious Carnagie Trophy three times. As the Carnagie Trophy was second only in stature to the American Grand Prize, before the Stock Market crash of 1929.

 

Fast forwarding to the new millennium, American advertising Whiz’ Preston Henry Winchester III, whom many in the paddock took to calling Windferd’ behind His back. Had been hired to resurrect the floundering Canamax Formula Libre team and the M & F Car company which had changed hands multiple times. Now under control by a Lickenstein Capital Hedge Fund conglomerate, with money to burn…

 

Thus Preston ambitiously set His sights upon expansion and tapping into the vast North American market, by purchasing the declining Breckenridge Racing Champ Car team.

 

As one of their drivers was the Kuhnuck’ Jaque Dudley, who Z thought would be the perfect Pitchman for that classic Crispy Pancakes Mix brand on the world’s biggest stage at Mother Speedway!

 

Yet the team failed miserably. Beginning with failing to paint Dudley’s No. 36 racecar the wrong shade of Eggshell white! Before ultimately failing to qualify for “The Show!” For which Windferd’ mused if only they had guaranteed starting spots…

 

Next, following that year’s election, the new Commander in Chief declared the Kuhnaidian’ Border closed to All imports and placed huge tariffs upon that beloved Kuhnaidian’ maple syrup! Which led Preston to unceremoniously dump Dudley from the team’s line-up. Especially since young Jaque’s was closely tied to His country’s Chrysler automobiles and its beloved “K” Car model, CoInky-dense, Eh? As Preston had just jumped ship to the rival Lincoln Mercury concern…

 

Preston had also renamed His Champ Car entity officially to be known as Armani Canamax Motorsports, which detractors of the new team quickly took to calling ACME! Not to mention Whindferd’ or simply Whinnie’ when He wasn’t within ear-shot!

 

Thus, Preston told everyone it would become Armani Canamax instead. Especially since their title sponsor provided Him with a complete wardrobe of finely tailored suits…

 

And as we know, Preston thought He’d cleverly lured Oilcan, Err Jonathan Truxbury away to be His new Armani Canamax driver, before rival Champ Car owner Franco Betuzi said not so fast Whippersnapper!

 

This set off an unlikely chain of events for Tfuxbury’s replacement at Armani Canamax! With Whinnie’ settling on the young American Jason Foxworthy. Yet unfortunately whilst celebrating His 21st birthday Jet Skiing with friends on Lake Havasu, managed to severely fracture His shoulder! And would never drive for the Champ Car outfit…

 

Next Whindferd’ hired the reigning Euro F3500 Champion Jean-Pierre Treinary, who’d won in everything He’d driven. Yet the French racing prodigy simply lacked the necessary budget, along with not being cleared to drive on Super Speedways in Champ Cars. Necessitating hiring veteran journeyman Clint Baley to race at Mother speedway; once again finishing inside the top-10. Before Armani Canamax’s Sporting Director Hugo Marques told Preston they needed to hire a young Californian driver named Bryan Boxer – who would become a future multi-times Champ Car Champion, before anyone else signed Him!

 

Thus “Teddy”, Jean-Pierre Treinary’s Stateside nickname was quickly jettisoned due to no fault of His own, making way for the incoming Bryan Boxer.

 

Meanwhile, as another rising Champ Car driver noted during His brief dalliance as an Canamax Formula Libre test driver. Preston’s “Cutthroat” and doesn’t like to loose, He’s a Businessman! For which Preston had indeed begun a new round of legal proceedings against presumed Armani Canamax driver Jonathan Truxbury. Vowing to “BURY” the no good double crossing Aussie’ Mates! And thus filed a $100 million Australian pounds lawsuit in the capitol of Queensbury, seeking immeasurable damages!

 

Undeterred by this humiliating, and potentially life altering lawsuit. Truxbury simply doubled down, tuned out the “noise” and went to work towards claiming His third Champ Car Championship! This time battling against fellow Aussie’ Harold Brauenbach, whom many simply called Harry! As the two Australians leapfrogged each other for the podium’s top step. With Truxbury coming out victorious seven times vs. Harry’s three wins.

 

And only suffering one rare mechanical DNF, due to His Daihatsu’s kinetic energy system going into Fail-safe mode. Along with an ultra rare crash on Newton’s Cornhole Short Oval. Truxbury indeed won His third Champ Car Championship in an amazingly short four seasons. To which team owner Chester’, aka Franco Betuzi joyously went crowd surfing at the season’s finale in Florida!

 

Thus, Preston, Hugo and Armani Canamax Motorsports had failed once again to win the coveted Hammerschmidt Cup awarded to the Champ Car Champion each year since 2001. And that was before they’d hired their newest Champ Car driver Anders Bernstorff to replace the outgoing Patrick Hartley, who’d failed to win a race in His two seasons with the team…

 

And as ‘Ol Windferd’ began to carve the turkey for His dinner guests. Which included All 13 of His currently employed racecar drivers. Hugo, Dennis and All of the other 43 senior staff members, and their families. He began mumbling out loud. How He could dish it out and take it.

 

But By-gummit! We didn’t cause this mess with that G-Damn Truxbury and Betuzi! And I’m tired of everybody making Jokes about how many drivers we’ve hired for our Champ Car team this year. Before speaking up and asking who wants Dark or White…

 

Although its unclear whether or not Armani Canamax Team Principal Garret McCloud, whom just “vacated” the position was invited to the Shindig?

 

For the original Canamax Capers installment, where we learned the origins of Oilcan Johnny’ and arch rivals Betuzi Motorsports. Please visit the following No Fenders link below.

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2023/10/indy-cars-ultimate-cage-fight.html


Tuesday, October 22, 2024

The Tomaso Files: Everything but “Thee Plane, Thee Plane Boss!”

“Wild ‘n Crazy” Tomaso driving across the Olympic Peninsula! (The Tomaso Collection)

 

As the late Rodney King said: “Can’t we All just Get Along?”

 

Yeah, I realize this is another long winded No Fenders story. Which is intended to highlight just some of the difficulties of being Blind and traveling alone. For which I couldn’t complete without the countless good Samaritans who take pity on me!

 

Whilst it would run well into double digit pages if I detailed everything, like how no two single bathrooms are alike! Not to mention trying to figure out if they’re occupied while walking to/from my seat on a moving train! And where’s the electrical sensor to open the train’s car doors, etc. All aboard…

 

As typical, I awoke Uber’ early in order to be prepared to start the day’s Mega’ long journey!

 

The local taxi, with the company’s amiable owner Josh knocked on my door promptly @8:30AM meaning I was almost an hour early for the Shuttle Bus, Aye Karumba!

 

After waiting patiently forever, the Shuttle Bus, a super loud Diesel affair sat loudly idling across the road from the Bus Stop. As I struggled to get there in-time. As the Jerkwad’ Bus driver lamely bellowed out Eugene? When He saw me struggling to catch the bus. Even though I was wearing my Eugene Amtrak sign, Sheisa!

 

As it’s a custom cardboard sign that Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen made for me. With the word Eugene spelled out in large black  letters, fashioned out of electrical tape. With the world Amtrak Station in black marker below it. Which I wear around my neck like a Blind man selling pencils!

 

As this has to be the most humiliating portion of the trip for Mwah! Especially since I shouldn’t be required to “stoop” so low for a government funded service! Although naturally, it’s been outsourced to a private contractor…

 

But thanks to two good Samaritans, I made the first of two connections, with the second person even putting down the jump seat for Mwah! Before listening to two women and one elderly man talking Spanish much of our trip, which has such a pleasing tonal quality to it! Before the Bus driver bellowed No eating food on the bus at them…

 

As little did I know one of these Mexican women would come to my aid unprompted at Eugene, where the bus trip dead ends! Since the Bus driver just sat on His lazy lard Arse , before saying what I’ve never wanted to hear in person!

 

Telling them He didn’t speak their language, only English! Which immediately made me cringe upon hearing this…

 

As I’d been waiting patiently for everyone to exit the bus first, with these three passengers going last before I stood up. With the elderly man dropping His phone or something, which I clearly heard. Hey, Blind people have super powers, comprened?

 

Waiting patiently for Him to retrieve whatever He’d dropped and then exit. Before I knew it, the woman came back onto the bus and said train, Ci? Taking my suitcase before helping me down the bus’s four stairs. As the bus driver just sat there the whole time, before snarkily saying Choo-Choo? Take Him with you to Choo-Choo. Treating Her like She was a Child, Yuck!

 

She simply took my arm and walked me inside to the train station counter, pulling my suitcase along without saying a further word before disappearing. After I quickly said Gracias to Her, since Her totally unsolicited help was simply Freakin’ Amazing!

 

Next Harly, the Eugene Station Agent checked my bag and said He’d assist me onto the train when it arrived, after first escorting me to the men’s bathroom. Telling me it was not arriving until 1:20PM – almost one hour late. As the train would ultimately be 75mins late arriving, which is pretty good coming from LA.

 

Harley walked me outside as promised and assisted me All the way to my seat. Before the woman I’d heard behind me in line saying Tacoma sat down next to me.

 

Naturally we got stuck between Portland and Vancouver, WA for one hour due to a Freight train delay. As this is supposed to only be 18mins duration. Although All freight train traffic has priority, Choo-Choo!

 

We finally arrived in Tacoma @8PM, approx. 90mins late. Where fortunately Mary Ellen was waiting for me on the platform, since the train conductor failed to assist me exiting the train. Whilst Hang 10’ Hilo was ecstatic as typical to see me when I got inside our awaiting chariot to be whisked away to the day’s final destination.

 

After having a great lunch outing with Thy No Fenders Moniker King Randal and His lovely wife Ginnette. We packed our belongings and made the first of multiple trips across the Puget Sound aboard the Washington State ferry’s. (WSF) With our destination being thee ‘Ol Apple Orchard on Vashon Island.

 

Taking another Ferryboat off island, we proceeded north to what the locals call PA’, aka Port Angeles for a very enjoyable Labour Day weekend’s get-away at Dave & Patricia’s.

 

Road in Dave’s; Dave, Dave’s Not Here, Oh Never Mind! Vintage 1974 VW Camper Van again. As Patricia wanted to go for a “Moonlight Drive”. With my taking so long getting ready, Dave turned off His Bus.

 

Mary Ellen cheekily said that the Bus had gone into silent electric mode when I finally came out to get aboard. Before Dave restarted the air cooled four cylinder (petrol) Bus and we trundled over the lumpy “pasture” Before their dog Odie jumped out when stopping somewhere. With Dave giving chase to Odie, who’d thought it was great fun playing “chase”. As we rumbled thru his fields appropriately with The Doors Light My Fire playing loudly, which seemed totally Apropos! And sounded great on Dave’s Killer sound system!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cq8k-ZbsXDI

 

 

 

Following breakfast on our day’s final outing in PA’. Thanks to Patricia’s insistence, I did the unthinkable. I drove their riding lawnmower, which was the Highlight of the entire trip!

 

It was the first “vehicle” of any kind I’d driven in at least ten years I’m guessing? Since I’d totally forgotten the last vehicle I’d driven was a golf cart in Arizona, during 18 holes of golf when I chauffeured Artiste Dave…

 

The “other” Dave served as my “Sighted Guide” running alongside Mwah, telling me which way to steer the lawnmower which He’s removed the brakes from! Having me turn right, then left; now straighten Her out. As I mosied around in low gear over the lumpy pasture. And nope, I didn’t make any crop circles, Hya!

 

Then it was rinse, lather and repeat. With another two Ferryboat trips, including one being delayed some 30-plus minutes for the rescue boat getting stranded retrieving a crew person or something? Before it was time to reluctantly go home, Sigh!

 

As the six hours train ride home was it’s typical cacophony ‘O noises. Ranging from the young girl besides me who talked loud, had tantrums and sang the entire trip! Along with the Young Turk’, ErrMillenium having a meltdown over Amtrak being late. And vocally telling the entire car how they’d better refund His $17 for missing work, Say What?

 

And then Oh Goodie, guess who was driving the Shuttle Bus, Honk-Honk! Yeah, I’m 98% certain it was that same, horrible lead Arse’. Since I got to hear all about what foods He’d be eating on His upcoming vacation to Iowa and Chicago…