19B: No Fenders turns the late Justin Wilson’s Car number today

Long ago Justin Wilson “Hero” Card collected during the 2014 Sonoma IndyCar Driver’s Autograph session. (The Tomaso Collection)

 

With no disrespect towards James Jake, Ana Beatriz, Carlos Huertas or whomever else once presumably drove the #19 Dale Coyne Racing entry?

 

as the needle continuously skips upon the scratchy vinyl record on thoust turntable upon Nofendersville, Y’all know the drill…

 

As I hadn’t even contemplated it was the 10 year anniversary of Justin Big Unit Wilson’s passing when I began scribblin’ this. Ah, I love the smell ‘O synchronicity in the Morning! As IndyCar was racing at the Milwaukee Mile on the tenth anniversary of His Death…

 

Justin Wilson: 1978-2015

 

Or that Amazingly, your Humble No Fenders scribe Tomaso would still be labouriously poondin’ away at Ye ancient Selectric keyboard here at No Fenders! Still merrily creating fresh content for Y’all weekly consumption 19 Gory years later, Aye Karumba!

 

First ‘n foremost, like All the IndyCar drivers do. Its time to thank the Fans for perusing No Fenders and hopefully reading some of my Zany Blog posts the past 12 months, especially All four of my loyal readers! which are lovingly honed with a dull, rusty knife in Tomaso Manor whilst thoust waves crash upon the jagged coastline of Nofendersville Mateys, Shiver Me Timbers!

 

As why does that ‘Ol MacDougals slogan now serving (19 Million) here come to mind again, Hya!

 

Uhm, where to begin another year later, Eh? Suppose I’ll start with the low lying fruit, even though I’m feeling what’s that word Geddy? Oh yeah, Nihilistic over being in a Post IndyCar Season Funk…

 

As we all know, Alex Palou had a magical season this year, aiming for His ninth win of the season at Portland. Where once again I was passing thru via Amtrak on my way north to Warshington’. Before tuning into the race from one of Puget Sound's many Islands.

 

Meanwhile, thee Pinball Wizard’, nee Marc Marquez has systematically decimated the MotoGP grid this year! Having won eight times thru their summer break following Bruno in the Czech Republic, where Marquez secured His fifth consecutive win this season. Catapulting the Spaniard to second overall in career wins, surpassing the legendous’ Giacomo Agostini.

 

Whilst Denis Hauger has pretty much blitzed the Indy Lights, Err NXT field. Winning six times prior to Portland. His only blemish being the collision with Andretti Global teammate Lochi Hughes at Laguna Seca, seeing His points lead evaporate to 32 markers after leading by 93 Me Thinks…

 

Although Hauger secured both the Driver’s and Rookie of the Year Championships with a fine second place at Milwaukee.

 

this year in the life of Tomaso has just Zoom-Zoomed bye-bye again. As no Roger Waters put a log on the fire Jokes here, Hya!

 

Having felt fairly morose when beginning scribbling this. Since I’m forever trying to have new, fresh Blog content ready to upload on No Fenders, even if I promised myself I wouldn’t let Ye Blob’ consume me! Yet after 19 years, ifs become a piece of my daily fabric…

 

Now I could complain about RACER having wrecked its website with its redesign, which if you’ve been reading my eclectic scribbles, Yuhs know they’ve failed to follow WCAG 2.2 guidelines, the foundations of making Web Content Accessible for everyone, i.e.; Blind and Visually Impaired readers…

 

Trying to Follow IndyCar is a Hard Job

 

Or I could grumble about the insane scrutiny I experienced during my first flight post Open Heart surgery, where TSA didn’t give me the option of walking thru the metal detector on my own as in years past…

 

The Perks of being A Blind Traveler

 

Yet how can I righteously complain about any of these “First World” problems when my Government is complicit in the Deaths and Starvation of thousands of people in the Middle East! Where the figure of some 60,000, mainly Women and Children have been killed during this senseless Genocide!

 

Not to mention 373 people, including 134 children; as of September 5th, perishing from famine is incomprehensible! With a Famine just being officially declared, Shit!

 

VIDEO: “Be sure to Wear some Flowers in your Hair”

 

While our Pretender-in-chief Bombastically was busy playing golf in Scotland and presumably stuffing His face with Five Star meals. Not to mention the fabled G7 saying pass the gravy, when civilians were dying hourly from malnutrition! And those in power continue the practices of Colonization in their interests…

 

As what’s that ‘Ol U2 Rattle and Hum song where Bono says “Am I buggin’ you Man? I Don’t mean to bug You, play the Blues Edge!”

 

As the song Silver and Gold is about Apartheid in South Africa, for which currently is occurring in the Middle East! As I Don’t mean to Bug Yuhs…

 

VIDEO: Sover and Gold - live

 

“Imagine there’s No Countries

It isn’t Hard to do

Nothing to Kill or Die for

And No Religion too

 

Imagine All the People

Living for Today

 

Imagine No Possessions

I wonder if you Can

No need for Grief or Hunger

A Brotherhood of Man

 

Imagine All the People

Living life in Peace

 

You may say I’m a dreamer

But I’m not the only one

I hope someday You’ll join Us

And the World will be as One”

 

VIDEO: A Perfect Circle’s Imagine

 

For those still following along. Thanks to everyone visiting Nofendersville and reading my eclectic scribblings upon No Fenders All these years!

 

Since this Uber' eclectic mix 'N veritable Spin Cycle 'O finely honed Thomason' Tex-Mex Jambalaya of Wordsmithing wouldn't have been possible over thoust numerous seasons without All of the Usual suspects continued yearly support.

 

And like Melody Sheik brilliantly “Sings” in His Symphony of Science Masterpiece from over a Dozen years ago now. As it’ll be just plain weird not having DJ WillyP’ in His ubiquitous No. 12 Team Penske entry next year! But there’s Billions and Billions of Stars, and “We Are All connected”.

 

VIDEO: We Are All Connected

 

Whilst never fear Ladies and Germs’, Your Humble No Fenders Scribe Tomaso is planning on sticking round for awhile. Especially since I’ll be celebrating my milestone 20th Anniversary next September!

 

Arrivederci,

Tomaso

 

Partial song lyrics from: John Lennon’s Imagine. From His second Solo album Imagine, 1971. With the title song “Imagine” peeking at No. 1 in both the UK and USA. 

Now Departing

Perhaps I can catch a lift upon Pato’s Motorcoach? (The Tomaso Collection)

 

Every week I get in the queue, “Too Much Magic Bus”. To get in the Cab that takes me to Town, “Too Much Magic Bus”. I’m so nervous they’ll be late again! “Too Much Magic Bus”. The Casino’s just a mile away, “Too Much Magic Bus

 

Thank you Chuck for getting me there, “Too Much Magic Bus”. You’ll be compensated, have No fear, “Too Much Magic Bus”. I Don’t wanna cause a Fuss, “Too Much Magic Bus”. But can you put my bag over here? “Too Much Magic Bus”.

 

VIDEO: The Who’s Magic Bus

 

No! You still cannot buy it Zak Brown, Hya!

 

Jus another clever No Fenders Ditty’ to let Y’all know that your Humble No Fenders scribe is off again on another Holiday, groan. Or perhaps euphoria for those of Y’all who frequent this blog Although I do appreciate your readership, everyone!

 

And for the second year in-a-row, I’ll be passing by Portland International Raceway just days before the IndyCar race, Choo-Choo…

 

As typical, I’ve been poondin’ away furiously upon thoust ‘Ol Selectric’s keyboard to provide Yuhs some canned stories during my absence, so enjoy!

 

While I’m sure I’ll have some more memories, hopefully not to akin to Weird Al’s Another One Rides the Bus, but Who knows, Eh?

 

As this one’s for you Claire!

 

VIDEO: Weird Al’s Another One Rides the Bus

 

Arrivederci,

Tomaso

 

My ‘lil “Magic Bus” Haiku” was shamelessly inspired by The Who’s 1968 Magic Bus song. With my apologies to Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend. And No! You still cannot buy it Zakery! 

Rotten Tomatoes, or should that be Tamales?

Y’all say PanaMax, I say Canamax…

 

Previously, the Armani Canamax champ car team was in the midst of a slate of rotating drivers. Most notably Jaque Dudley from Up North Eh! Having been dumped after our new Pretender-in-chief Billy Jo Bradshaw had won election to our nation’s highest office in a big, beautiful landslide…

 

Thus, the teams major Domo, a one Preston Henry Winchester III was hard at work as always to ring a few more ounces of performance out of His racing teams, and ultimately improving it’s owners and shareholders bottom lines.

 

Audrey,  get Dumfries, Duquione and Duncan on the line for me. Yes Mr. Winchester. Mr. W’, Baron Dumfries is currently in the Cotswold’s at His Hunting Chalet, but I’ve got (Junior partner) Gerrard Duncan on the phone…

 

Gerrard, what’s the latest on our lawsuit vs. that Pipsqueak Jonathan Truxbury? What do you mean He won’t pay the $100m (Australian Pounds) I’m requesting!

 

Very well. Look, every Damn time that Fucking ‘lil No Good Truxbury wins a race, I want you to request an extra $2 million in putative damages. And every time He finishes ahead of any of my Armani Champ Cars, tack on an extra one million! As that should make that Bloody Limey squirm!

 

Now look Gerrard, the reason I called was that we’ve got to do something about the illegal usage of the word Panamax All these wanton Burmese ship builders are building lately. As it’s leaving a bad stain upon our racing company…

 

Yeah, I’ll call my buddy Elroid in DC and see if He can get me a meeting with our Fearless leader.

 

Audrey, aske our truck driver Roscoe Snow to come see me immediately. Yes Mr. W. You asked to see me Mr. Winchester.

 

Does your ‘Ol Man still have His 50th Anniversary Peterbilt KP900 tractor that He used to haul Coors from Texarkana? Good, ask Him if He can meet me in Nashville at the Mockingbird Cafe tomorrow afternoon, its important. Yes Mr. Winchester. And tell Himn to leave His dog Butch Home…

 

Audrey, I’m going for a drive in the countryside. Tell Hugo to bring over my Canamax SP500 Special Spyder pronto, even if He’s at the Gym!

 

Hey Elroid, “What’s the Haps?” Yeah, you’re telling me about the price of Eggs! Thar’ one of our signature pancake brand’s main ingredient.  Yes Elroid, I’m calling on an encrypted SpartoCuss’ App. No, I didn’t add any of my family to it, What, Oh Never Nind elroid!

 

Look, I’d really like to meet with El Presidente to find out what He’s gonna do about the Peruvian Canal? Or at the very least tack on some sort of Canal usage fee to All of these PanaMax cargo ships sailing round the world. As they’re infringing upon our brand name…

 

Look, just let Him play with some of your Double Eagle gold pieces and Silver dollars. As He likes shiny things. Oh, I’ve gotta take this call from Achmed pdiumSoulayium. He’s threatening to Fine one of our drivers for saying the word Fart on the podium in Dubai…

 

Hello Mr. Snow, I’m glad you could join me for lunch. Yes, your son Roscoe’s doing a bang-up job for us. Now look Mr. Snow, or can I call you Cletus?

 

Ok Snowman’, here’s the deal. I’ve got to get 45,000 Grade Double A cage free snow downy pampered Eggs off of my books immediately before they All Hatch! No, I really thought we’d be able to move them over the Easter weekend…

 

Your son Roscoe’s loading them in a Gold Peterbilt KP9000C 100th Anniversary Sleeper tractor. All you’ve got to do is drive them up to The Great White North! To our William Joseph & Sons Bakery, where we’ll use them to make Doughnuts. And then return with 500 cases of O’Flaughtery’s Beer.

 

Yeah I know that there’s Triple-rate Dutys to pay now for crossing into our fine northern state, but you leave that to me. As I’m getting Billy Jo Bradshaw to write us a note saying we Don’t have to pay these, and you’ve got special permission to transport whatever you want!

 

Yeah, I’ve already spoken to the Bandit’. And Clint says He and His Old Lady Sally are in also, and will run interference for you like always.

 

Nope, they’re going in separate cars this time, since we know how they like to go Skinny-dipping at Niagara Falls! As Clint will be driving a black Canamax C45 Hypercar. While Sally will be running Caboose in Her black Canamax Rosberg LP675 tribute model.

 

As the three of you really shouldn’t have any problems outrunning those Mounty’, even if they’re on Arabian Horses. Any questions Cletus?

 

You’ll pick up the Brewsi’ at the Marigold Brewery. It’s an ‘Ol converted Labatts brewery that Billy Jo’s eldest son William owns.

 

Nobody knew that Billy Jo has a younger brother named Shane Bradshaw who was a Major League Baseball pitcher who played for the Blue Jays. Whale’ nobody knew until some Rolling Stones reporter listened into Billy Jo’s wife Lisa Maria telling Her Hairdresser via Her private SpartoCuss account. Look, I Dunno why His wife added that Rolling Stones reporter to Her private chat…

 

Yep, the Bradshaw’s are an old Irish family that made their fortunes growing potatoes, before branching into the Distillery business. And they were doing a brisk business with their O’Flaughtery Beer brand Up North Eh! Before All those G-Damn patriotic Kuhnucks’ started drinking Jack Dudley’s signature beer instead. As they’ll drink anything that’s made in their fine, beautiful state.

 

So I promised billy Jo I’d bring some of His brother’s favourite beer if He comes to watch us win this year’s Iron Maiden 5000 at the Speedrome in Brownsburg…

 

Yep, you’re right we’d better throw in another 500 cases just in case we do win. I’m sure Billy Jo will wanna throw a party with All of His Friends!

 

Mr. Snow, if you’ll do this favour for me, I’ll throw in the KP9000C tractor for you to keep. And I’ll buy you and your son anything you want for dinner at Saint Elmos in Carmel. Yeah, the Bandit and His wife can com too. Hell, sure even Butch is included! Do we have a deal?

 

Great, I’ll send you the coordinates for the W.J. Sons Bakery and where to deliver those ice cold O’flattery’s Brewski’s on SpartoCuss…

 

What? You don’t have a SpartoCuss account? Ok, I’ll get Roscoe to let you know via your Ham radio or whatever contraption your ‘Ol KP900 rig has in it. 10-4 Good Buddy!

 

Catch Yuhs at the Speedrome in Brownsburg. As you and Butch are welcome to join me in our luxury Turn-3 suite. Just make sure you leave the front row seats vacant for Billy Jo and His entourage…

 

For the previous Canamax Capers installment. Please visit the following No Fenders link below.

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2024/11/indycars-old-fashioned-radio-programme.html 

Talking Trains, Not Turkeys

As No Lucas lectrics’ Jokes Here!

 

Yeah, bare with me Y’all, or indulge Mwah. Since after all it’s my Blog and I can Jolly well scribble’ whatever I want. Although I’m probably Preaching to The Choir. Or more likely Talking to The Hand! As what’s that ‘Ol Pressdog saying about Don’t Engage the Crazies George?

 

Having regaled Yuhs about my latest train adventure home, I’ve learned more than I’ve ever known about the Amtrak Cascades Express trains.

 

Whilst I can no longer recall when the first time I ever rode an Amtrak train was? Although I do recall riding home from Portland circa 1996. And then believe I started riding them Up North eh! To Vancouver, BC in the early Ought’s’. And then definitely took it once-a-year to Portland for the final three years of Champ Car at Portland International Raceway, (PIR) but I digress…

 

Was surprised that I found an immediate answer to what type locomotive the Cascades Express No. 503 train route uses. Being a Siemens SC-44 Charger. With these Diesel-electric locomotives beginning production in 2016 in Florin, California. And the first SC-44 Charger going into service on the East Coast in 2017.

 

Also learned that the SC Charger model generates it’s own Head-End Power (HEP) in it’s locomotive car. Generating the 60Hz used to create the necessary electrical demands for the passenger cars Heating/Cooling, (HVAC) lighting, WiFi’, etc. Including electrical power to individual business class seats and the Bistro/Dining car.

 

Thanks to Ray, I also learned that one week after my trip home, where the power failed on our train, albeit guessing it was the passenger cars connections. That Amtrak had to suddenly pull all of the Cascade Express railway “Sets” out of service after finding severe corrosion on the passenger cars, Say What?

 

As these Horizon passenger rail cars were built in-between 1988-90, or 1992? By a now defunct division of Bombardier, and had aluminum bodies on steel chassis, which is a recipe for corrosion.

 

Although there was one train set that wasn’t comprised of Horizon rail cars that remained in service. As this lone Cascades Express train apparently used the old Talgo rail cars? And ironically I believe it was the very same 503 route from Seattle to Eugene…

 

Full Cascades Express service was restored eleven days later, albeit with reduced rail cars comprising each train set. As rail cars were diverted from the east coast and other Amtrak routes. While the Washington State Department Of Transportation (DOT) has reportedly, already ordered eight replacement train sets from Siemens. Along with a further two SC-44 Charger locomotives.

 

These Venture rail cars are slated to be acquired this year, but not go into service until 2026. Whilst I still don’t comprehend the difference between Talgo and Horizon passenger rail cars? Other than I tend to recall that the initial Cascades Express routes began with the Talgo rail cars.

 

Now having learned that indeed the initial Amtrak Cascades Express service that began in 1998 utilized Talgo Series VI train sets, with two Series 8 sets joining in 2013. With the older Series VI sets being retired in 2020 and replaced with those corroding Horizon sets, which will inturn be replaced by the Siemens Venture “Rolling Stock” coming online shortly.

 

Whilst I just learned that Talgo is a Spanish company, and not French as I’ve always Arse-sumed, especially after riding a high-speed Talgo TGV train from Colone, Germany to Paris, France Wee-Wee! With the late-Canadian lass Clare nearly two decades ago, but I digress further…

 

Prior to my latest train excursion, I “read”, Err listened to an article on the Boseman Daily Chronicle titled Are Passenger Trains entering the Golden age, or End of the line?

 

As the article points out how the “Double Decker” passenger rail cars utilized on on the Empire Builder and Coast Starlight are Amtrak’s most used passenger cars. Racking up enough miles to circumnavigate the world seven times a year!

 

Yet these same rail cars were built during the 1970’s and 1980’s and are just one major collision away from wiping out the fleet! Although a tender was put out for new passenger rail car construction last year, as part of the Infrastructure Investments and Job Act of 2021. These cars won’t be put into circulation until the 2030’s, provided you-know-who doesn’t torpedo those plans…

 

As Amtrak was created in 1971 and has basically suffered fifty years of neglect regarding it’s rolling stock, primarily it’s passenger rail cars, due to a constant lack of investment, penny-pinching and outright slashing of funds over the decades.

 

Last year, Amtrak recorded an increase to nearly three million riders, while the Cascades Express services from Vancouver, BC to Oregon carried a stout one million riders. Which I don’t know about Y’all, but that’s a lot of cars off of the roads, freeing up the Interstate for other travelers!

 

Not to mention that everyone cannot drive a motor vehicle, like your Blind No Fenders scribe Tomaso. As have I reminded Y’all lately I’m blind?

 

Reportedly, in fiscal 2017, the Cascades Express routes, which travel 467 miles from Eugene, Oregon to Vancouver, BC, was Amtrak’s eighth busiest route.

 

Amtrak, like many Government agencies is working quite good right now, as I’d say a large portion of it’s daily delays are caused by sharing the BNSF railways and that Freight trains get priority. And privatization would only benefit whomever got the contract. Not to mention the scores of employees who’d lose their current jobs!

 

As here’s a novel idea. Instead of some Emperor wearing new clothes, whose easily distracted by shiny things. And publicly lambasting our nation’s current rail system. How about stepping up and increasing spending on this vital network of transportation that millions depend upon?

 

Hey, I know, how ‘bout we go back to steam powered locomotives, as I hear that coal’s making a comeback. As who cares about that mercury or arsenic in the air, All Aboard!

 

Yeah-Yeah, I know. The future’s so bright, Uhm where’s my Gory sun glasses, OH Never Mind! 

When the Lights go Dark on Amtrak!

Tomaso with His “service” Dog Hang-10’ Hilo waiting for the train. (The Tomaso Collection)

 

And that’s got Nothing to do with El Presidente giving this Government Agency the Midas touch!

 

Ah Matey’s, here’s another soothing lullaby about a somewhat typical, Madcap 13 hours trek homewards…

 

Not to mention Microsoft’s Office being persnickety per usual! Since no matter what I do to try changing the text below to my normal font settings, it won’t save it, Sigh!

 

Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen told me to set my talking keychain clock’s alarm for Gory 5:15AM, Crikeys!

 

Ah, the joys of Island life, as this included being early for the 6:20AM Ferry back to Ye “Mainland”. Before an El Stupidio breakfast at IHOP at 7:00AM. As the cook was incredulous when our chirpy waitress told Himn my order. As I ended up paying $15.43 for a plain egg breakfast Burrito; asking to “Hold” the bacon, ham and Snazzauges’ I Don’t eat following my Heart surgery…

 

As I highly doubt we’ll ever do that again, especially since it took 40mins! Before scurrying to the nearby train station where I barely had time to use the Loo’ before boarding the 8:00AM Cascades Express train to Eugene. With the train being early and leaving at 8:00AM sharp from the Tacoma train station, all Aboard!

 

Suppose I should have known something was up, Eh? Since I swear there was zero Heat turned on from Tacoma to Portland, albeit we “flew” south to Portland in 2Hrs 45mins, including four stops in-between.

 

Whilst I’m glad I’ve long since figured out where the bathroom door’s lock is, since twice people tried opening the door as we sat for an half hour in Portland. Making me flash-back to the first time I’d ever ridden this type of train and not knowng how to lock the door, Surprise! As the door opened upon Mwah in the middle of you know what when headed to Vancouver, BC decades ago, but I digress…

 

Yet strangely, when I tried calling Mary Ellen on my cell phone twice whilst parked in Portland I couldn’t dial out or get Her number to ring, WTF? As this was an apparent sign of things to come…

 

Approaching Oregon City, OR, our Conductor made the first of multiple announcements, telling us that our train was currently experiencing electrical maladies – including no WiFi’ or HVAC, i.e.; Heating/Cooling, or power to the business class seats. Although it smelled like dust burning briefly when waiting at Portland, when I finally felt heat coming up from the heat register alongside my seat…

 

Following Oregon city, the Conductor announced that the train was just running on electricity; that’s what I believe He said. Although I did Arse-sume correctly that it was a Diesel Electric locomotive pulling us…

 

Saying they’d troubleshooted everything possible to no avail, i.e.; Fuse breakers, Computer reboot, etc. And were going to try one more outside train fix at our next stop in Salem, whatever that meant?

 

Arriving at Salem sometime before 12:28PM; time of the first of two emails sitting in my Inbox when I got home that evening, alerting me of our train issues, Uh Duh!

 

Our Conductor said we’d be staying put there until receiving permission to proceed. Since we didn’t wish to become stranded somewhere between Salem and Eugene with no pick-up possible, like Marion. And He’d give us further updates when

Possible, with Management working on Plan B, whatever that was?

 

Telling us we were allowed to leave the train to stretch our legs if desired, but should remain nearby the train. And then the female Café worker told us She’d put out complimentary water and snack packs for us. While those remaining seated around me “Cheered” when the lights went on. With somebody said whatever they’d wiggled, worked! Meaning I’d had no idea we’d been riding in the Dark for awhile, Hya! Or if this was a momentary fix?

 

After a half hour’s plus of sitting on the train, (sometime after 1:05PM) our Conductor made an announcement I’ve never experienced before in all my decades of riding Amtrak. Announcing that our train had now been Cancelled and would be going no further than Salem! Due to electrical Gremlins, two stops north of our final destination Eugene.

 

Our Conductor said He’d be passing thru the train to take a roll call of those remaining and that a bus was on it’s way to transport us to our final destination in 20-25mins.

 

Then the same female Café worker made a further announcement saying we could take whatever food we wanted from the Diner Car since it would have to be thrown away that evening. But this didn’t include any Alcohol…

 

The Conductor who handled the whole procedure remarkably well in a calm, firm but polite manner told me that yes, I’d make my Link Lane Shuttlebus connection from Eugene to Florence before escorting me off the train and into the adjacent Salem train station.

 

Then another Amtrak employee escorted me outside to stand against a concrete wall to line-up for boarding the soon arriving bus.

 

Next a friendly female employee asked for everybody to wait to allow the visually impaired rider to board first. As She guided me up the bus’s multiple steps and into a front row seat. Before our bus filled up and off we went on the Highway south to Albany and then finally Eugene, arriving at 3:12PM approx. Or roughly an hour and one-half after our trains scheduled arrival. With the bus ride taking approx. 1Hr 45mins…

 

Did the ‘Ol college try at the train’s ‘lil Boys room before another friendly female Amtrak agent escorted me outside. Taking my suitcase for Mwah, and placing me underneath the building’s overhang to be out of the rain while waiting approx. 20mins for the Shuttlebus to arrive.

 

Then the man standing to my right with His wife offered to load my suitcase aboard the Shuttlebus. While it’s driver, the famous Jethro’ sat motionless, didn’t budge a muscle or even call out the Shuttle to me! Presumably the only Blind person who utilizes it? Although perhaps He thought I was traveling with the others?

 

This kind man also helped me aboard, with His wife directing me to an empty seat, while He told Jethro He had one more bag to load…

 

And then this same, kind, Good Samaritan repeated the process for me when we arrived at our destination in Bumfuddle’ Florence, where I awaited the local taxi to pick me up and complete the day’s arduous journey!

 

Amtrak subsequently sent us an email apology for any inconvenience. And then sent us a travel voucher for a future train trip , which I didn’t even ask for. Since All I’d cared about was catching the day’s final Shuttle which I did; so No Harm, No Foul as far as I was concerned…

 

And we didn’t even get delayed or detoured when riding the Shuttlebus. Even though we did pass a car that had crashed into a roadside ditch on our way home!

 

As that’s another typical adventure for Mwah, which it amazes me that I always make All of my connections and get back home with the assistance of kind strangers. As I really enjoy riding the train, and dearly Hope there won’t be any Staff reductions or loss of service in the future! 

The Perks of being A Blind Traveler

An upright, mobile Tomaso poses with a brace ‘O Prancing Horses. (The Tomaso Collection)

 

What do you mean, I can’t take my Easter Basket thru Security?

 

Yeah, as I’m surrounded to the tranquil sounds of a chainsaw, Timber! Hopefully just “pruning” the bushes? As I prefer my shade trees, Numbskulls! And in lieu of hunting for chocolate Bunnies, Marshmallow Peeps, Jellybeans, etc. I thought I’d serenade Y’all with this Easter tale of woe. Or should that be Lake woebegone?

 

This March I went to Arizona, being the first time I’ve flown on a Big ‘Ol Jetliner post Open Heart surgery, for which I was somewhat apprehensive over going thru security now with “metal” in my body. As not only do I have a mechanical heart valve, to which I have zero clue over it’s materials composition, but supposedly also carry stainless steel “bailing” wire around my sternum that was cut in half…

 

SO I asked the friendly Check-in Agent, who breezily said to tell TSA when I got to security. Then I awaited my “Chariot”, Err wheelchair to take me to my Gate. Since I’ve long since given up “fighting” over going by wheelchair thru crowded airports, which really is the easiest way for all involved.

 

Thus, a very no-nonsense, curt, All business woman briskly pushed me to my Gate, first going thru security. As I repeated my inquiry about my heart valve when handing my ticket and ID to the first security worker, who once again just said tell TSA.

 

Now in years past, after I’ve removed my shoes, put them, my folding white cane, backpack, etc. into the bins for screening, I’ve always been allowed to walk thru the X-Ray machine with the assistance of a TSA worker guiding me thru by taking my hand. Yet little did I know this wouldn’t be an option on this trip! For which I wasn’t even asked about, or given the option. Which I must say I found disconcerting…

 

But first I had to deal with the woman assisting me, who was very gruff and apparently didn’t understand what being Blind means? Curtly telling me to put my boots in the bin, on the table. Uhm, Hello? Do you realize I’m Freakin’ blind and cannot see the table or bin sister! As the “fun” was only beginning!

 

Little did I know that I’d be receiving a full body pat-down. With the TSA security worker explaining how He would be running the back of His hand in a horizontal and vertical motion over my groin and buttocks, Swell! After telling me to raise my arms up and hold them like somebody on a cross. Hey, after all the Easter Bunny does make Her yearly appearance today, Righto?

 

Telling me I could remain seated in the wheelchair, but to hold my arms up as He ran His hands over them, before patting down both the front and back of my torso, beginning with my backside…

 

Before  He got to my buttocks, He inserted His fingers inside my jeans waistband. Yo Dude, you’re getting a Wee bitamyte’ Frisky! Before asking me to slide to the right and left of the chair, and raise my buttocks into the air for Him. As I lifted one butt cheek at a time, before it was time for my frontal lobotomy, Err probe of my groin, Ooh la lah! Before He thoroughly patted down my legs to my ankles on both sides, with All of this “screening” occurring in full public view, since I’d declined the “privacy” screening…

 

And as I sat there being frisked, I suddenly realized that I’d brought my metal Hiking water bottle fully filled. Musing to myself kiss that goodbye! Before a female security agent pleasantly asked if I’d like Her to empty it for me? Yes, that would be wonderful, after She’d inquired if I had water inside it? Not only putting it back into the plastic bag I had it in, to prevent having a wet backpack. But also put the twisty “zip-tie” back on it…

 

Then my friendly wheelchair attendant, HaHa! Told me to put on my boot, which you guessed it, were on the table, Sigh! And then just pushed me to my Gate, said it’s right in front of you and simply walked off without saying a word.

 

Parked at my Gate a half hour before boarding, suddenly Southwest Airlines made a Gate change announcement for my flight, as my waiting area simply became a Ghost town with me being the only person left there in my forlorn wheelchair, WTF? Wondering if somebody was going to “collect” me? But nothing happened…

 

As I started to get a little bit concerned after they’d made the second Gate change announcement for my flight and I still sat alone. Hearing what sounded like an Airport worker nearby, I unfolded my cane and prudently called out to this lone man in the concourse. Hearing His walkie talkie squawking “Airport-speak”, asking if He worked here? Who then summoned somebody to come get me, take me to the new Gate, which thankfully I made my flight!

 

Ah Contrair, the fun’s just beginning, as that was only round one of going thru security.

 

And it’s funny, Haha? How each airport does their security screening. Since in Phoenix I didn’t bother to remove my portable CD player from my backpack. Hey, everybody still uses those, Righto? But Gee Wally! My backpack made it fine thru the x-ray machine without removing it, which I’d done in Seattle…

 

Yep, you guessed it. Once again, I got to be up close ‘n personal with a TSA security agent for another wheelchair pat-down. Although I had zero clue that this would be an enhanced full body pat-down! Being the youngest of the three wheelchair bound travelers; with a woman who was 81 and a man 72, I just sat there parked alone for several minutes.

 

Then two agents approached me and asked if I had anything to declare? Telling them about my heart valve and bailing wire, they asked if I was able to stand for 4-7mins?

 

Standing upright, once again I got to spread my arms like being on a cross. Before the one man said I could put them down after He’d seen my one hand shaking apparently? After they’d been thoroughly patted down.

 

Now, not only did I get to have my buttocks and groin patted down with the backs of His palms. But this time they had me give myself a “wedgie!” Asking me to pull my jeans waistband up as high as it would go and then hold it there!

 

Yet first I needed to remove the empty plastic produce bag I’d forgotten was in my rear pants pocket. With the agent asking if I could remove it for Him please. Which He handed back to me later…

 

As I hiked up my jeans, holding them by the empty belt loop on each side, once again a hand slipped inside my waistband front and back. And then He asked me if I could spread my legs? A little further, please…

 

As the second man then instructed the one patting me down, where to  thoroughly frisk me. Making me guess He must have been in training? He lightly “caressed” the insides of my groin down to my ankles before I could put my legs back together. Then said I could get back into the wheelchair, before my much friendlier male wheelchair attendant collected me.

 

Putting on my boots, the other male wheelchair bound member of our trio, who’d apparently watched these proceedings  bemusedly proclaimed to Mwah afterwards: My Gawd, I didn’t know I was traveling with Osama Bin laden!

 

Having watched the TSA agent search every inch of my body from neck to toes front and back thoroughly!

 

And that’s just a “small” flavour of some of my Blind travel Hijinx

 

As just don’t Call me Shirley! Roger-Roger. Guess I picked a Bad day to Quit sniffing Glue, Hya!

A Soothing Lullaby

Sure to induce Sleep in some of Yuhs…

 

Just a brief Jot’ as Grizzled F1 Journo Joe Saward would say. To let Y’all know that your Humble No Fenders scribe Tomaso’s On Holiday again, Groan!

 

Meaning Thar  won’t be any riveting recaps of the season’s first IndyCar race, since I’m busy pushing the P2P button Schlick! Having methodically poonded’ away some 26 No Fenders Blog stories for your dining pleasure, Err consumptions…

Hmm, perhaps that will give Colton Herta some No Fenders Mojo’ for Saint Pete, Eh?

Not to mention totally missing the Thailand MotoGP season opener. Along with there not being  any other mesmerizing No Fenders rants upon the latest ‘n greatest whatever, like I dunno?? But its always a goody thingy’ to push away from the All consuming Confuzer and keyboard. Especially when I get to visit a very special lap Hoond named Hang 10’ Hilo!

 

Although I’m Arse-suming that Mary Ellen will be able to furnish the St Pete IndyCar race via IndyCar Radio from Ye Apple Orchard…

 

As I’ll leave Y’all with the soothing, Eh? I said speak up sonny! Thars some darn blasted v-12 contraption making a Bloody racket in the background…

 

As the Aston Martin Valkyrie LMH-spec Hypercar makes its racing debut at Sebring this March 15th. And although its been out for awhile now. Like Marshall Pruett says on the Podcast. The exclusive in-car audio recording from the Valkyrie’s right hand sidepodon the High Banks of Daytona during testing should definitely leave a smile on your face! Not to mention some of the Heavy Hitters giggling afterwards.

 

So check it out, if you want to hear a proper ‘Ol school 6.5-litre normally aspirated glorious sounding V-12 motor getting a proper workout on Daytona’s 3.56-mile road course!

 

https://marshallpruettpodcast.com/podcast/mp-1569-aston-martin-valkyrie-amr-lmh-in-car-at-daytona/ 

The Tomaso Files: Everything but “Thee Plane, Thee Plane Boss!”

“Wild ‘n Crazy” Tomaso driving across the Olympic Peninsula! (The Tomaso Collection)

 

As the late Rodney King said: “Can’t we All just Get Along?”

 

Yeah, I realize this is another long winded No Fenders story. Which is intended to highlight just some of the difficulties of being Blind and traveling alone. For which I couldn’t complete without the countless good Samaritans who take pity on me!

 

Whilst it would run well into double digit pages if I detailed everything, like how no two single bathrooms are alike! Not to mention trying to figure out if they’re occupied while walking to/from my seat on a moving train! And where’s the electrical sensor to open the train’s car doors, etc. All aboard…

 

As typical, I awoke Uber’ early in order to be prepared to start the day’s Mega’ long journey!

 

The local taxi, with the company’s amiable owner Josh knocked on my door promptly @8:30AM meaning I was almost an hour early for the Shuttle Bus, Aye Karumba!

 

After waiting patiently forever, the Shuttle Bus, a super loud Diesel affair sat loudly idling across the road from the Bus Stop. As I struggled to get there in-time. As the Jerkwad’ Bus driver lamely bellowed out Eugene? When He saw me struggling to catch the bus. Even though I was wearing my Eugene Amtrak sign, Sheisa!

 

As it’s a custom cardboard sign that Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen made for me. With the word Eugene spelled out in large black  letters, fashioned out of electrical tape. With the world Amtrak Station in black marker below it. Which I wear around my neck like a Blind man selling pencils!

 

As this has to be the most humiliating portion of the trip for Mwah! Especially since I shouldn’t be required to “stoop” so low for a government funded service! Although naturally, it’s been outsourced to a private contractor…

 

But thanks to two good Samaritans, I made the first of two connections, with the second person even putting down the jump seat for Mwah! Before listening to two women and one elderly man talking Spanish much of our trip, which has such a pleasing tonal quality to it! Before the Bus driver bellowed No eating food on the bus at them…

 

As little did I know one of these Mexican women would come to my aid unprompted at Eugene, where the bus trip dead ends! Since the Bus driver just sat on His lazy lard Arse , before saying what I’ve never wanted to hear in person!

 

Telling them He didn’t speak their language, only English! Which immediately made me cringe upon hearing this…

 

As I’d been waiting patiently for everyone to exit the bus first, with these three passengers going last before I stood up. With the elderly man dropping His phone or something, which I clearly heard. Hey, Blind people have super powers, comprened?

 

Waiting patiently for Him to retrieve whatever He’d dropped and then exit. Before I knew it, the woman came back onto the bus and said train, Ci? Taking my suitcase before helping me down the bus’s four stairs. As the bus driver just sat there the whole time, before snarkily saying Choo-Choo? Take Him with you to Choo-Choo. Treating Her like She was a Child, Yuck!

 

She simply took my arm and walked me inside to the train station counter, pulling my suitcase along without saying a further word before disappearing. After I quickly said Gracias to Her, since Her totally unsolicited help was simply Freakin’ Amazing!

 

Next Harly, the Eugene Station Agent checked my bag and said He’d assist me onto the train when it arrived, after first escorting me to the men’s bathroom. Telling me it was not arriving until 1:20PM – almost one hour late. As the train would ultimately be 75mins late arriving, which is pretty good coming from LA.

 

Harley walked me outside as promised and assisted me All the way to my seat. Before the woman I’d heard behind me in line saying Tacoma sat down next to me.

 

Naturally we got stuck between Portland and Vancouver, WA for one hour due to a Freight train delay. As this is supposed to only be 18mins duration. Although All freight train traffic has priority, Choo-Choo!

 

We finally arrived in Tacoma @8PM, approx. 90mins late. Where fortunately Mary Ellen was waiting for me on the platform, since the train conductor failed to assist me exiting the train. Whilst Hang 10’ Hilo was ecstatic as typical to see me when I got inside our awaiting chariot to be whisked away to the day’s final destination.

 

After having a great lunch outing with Thy No Fenders Moniker King Randal and His lovely wife Ginnette. We packed our belongings and made the first of multiple trips across the Puget Sound aboard the Washington State ferry’s. (WSF) With our destination being thee ‘Ol Apple Orchard on Vashon Island.

 

Taking another Ferryboat off island, we proceeded north to what the locals call PA’, aka Port Angeles for a very enjoyable Labour Day weekend’s get-away at Dave & Patricia’s.

 

Road in Dave’s; Dave, Dave’s Not Here, Oh Never Mind! Vintage 1974 VW Camper Van again. As Patricia wanted to go for a “Moonlight Drive”. With my taking so long getting ready, Dave turned off His Bus.

 

Mary Ellen cheekily said that the Bus had gone into silent electric mode when I finally came out to get aboard. Before Dave restarted the air cooled four cylinder (petrol) Bus and we trundled over the lumpy “pasture” Before their dog Odie jumped out when stopping somewhere. With Dave giving chase to Odie, who’d thought it was great fun playing “chase”. As we rumbled thru his fields appropriately with The Doors Light My Fire playing loudly, which seemed totally Apropos! And sounded great on Dave’s Killer sound system!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cq8k-ZbsXDI

 

 

 

Following breakfast on our day’s final outing in PA’. Thanks to Patricia’s insistence, I did the unthinkable. I drove their riding lawnmower, which was the Highlight of the entire trip!

 

It was the first “vehicle” of any kind I’d driven in at least ten years I’m guessing? Since I’d totally forgotten the last vehicle I’d driven was a golf cart in Arizona, during 18 holes of golf when I chauffeured Artiste Dave…

 

The “other” Dave served as my “Sighted Guide” running alongside Mwah, telling me which way to steer the lawnmower which He’s removed the brakes from! Having me turn right, then left; now straighten Her out. As I mosied around in low gear over the lumpy pasture. And nope, I didn’t make any crop circles, Hya!

 

Then it was rinse, lather and repeat. With another two Ferryboat trips, including one being delayed some 30-plus minutes for the rescue boat getting stranded retrieving a crew person or something? Before it was time to reluctantly go home, Sigh!

 

As the six hours train ride home was it’s typical cacophony ‘O noises. Ranging from the young girl besides me who talked loud, had tantrums and sang the entire trip! Along with the Young Turk’, ErrMillenium having a meltdown over Amtrak being late. And vocally telling the entire car how they’d better refund His $17 for missing work, Say What?

 

And then Oh Goodie, guess who was driving the Shuttle Bus, Honk-Honk! Yeah, I’m 98% certain it was that same, horrible lead Arse’. Since I got to hear all about what foods He’d be eating on His upcoming vacation to Iowa and Chicago…