Monday, March 8, 2021

Ryan Briscoe's New Day Job'

As how can you Not root for this so amiable Aussie?

 

Otay, I suppose this will be off Ye Beaten path of racing news, but as I’ve said numerous times here on No Fenders over thou years, I’ll forever be a Fan of Ryan Briscoe’s after that wonderfully impromptu meeting at Mother Speedway Wayback in 2013, when he cheerfully jumped down off of whatever he was standing upon with his back to us, trying to watch that year’s IndyCar Pit Stop Challenge at Mother Speedway, then the No. 8 NTT Data Chip Ganassi Racing driver.

 

As No Fenders Offical’ Photographer Carpets’ said do you want to meet Ryan Briscoe? Hey Ryan Carpets Bellowed and he dually turned around and made me feel special for somewhere between 5-10 minutes before we left him alone to go back to watching the Pit Stop contest…

 

Hence, although I know it’s strictly business and Motor Racing’s a very Cut-throat business to Boot. Nonetheless, I wasn’t happy to see Ryan lose his ride with Wayne Taylor Racing (WTR) at the end of last year, when WTR effectively Cleaned House by letting it’s drivers go when switching to Acura for 2021.

 

Thus I was happy when I stumbled across the news that Briscoe will be piloting one of James Glickenhaus’s two Bad Arse Scuderia Cameron Glickenhaus 007 LMH Prototypes.

 

As these American Le Mans Hypercar (LMH) Prototypes, powered by a 3.5-litre Twin Turbo V-8 will presumably be Toyota’s main competition in this year’s six round Sports Car Championship.

 

As Briscoe joins one of his former Co-drivers Westie’, aka Richard Westbrook, along with Pipo Derani, Olivier Pla, Romain Dumas and Franck Mailleux.

 

With the only two drivers announced for the two cars being Gustavo Menezes heading the No. 708 and Briscoe leading the No. 709 on SCG’s Drivers roll, albeit No announcement has been made over who will partner those two aboard their respective chassis as of yet, or which of the seven listed drivers will serve as the team’s reserve driver.

 

Testing of the SCG 007 began at Italy’s allelunga racetrack with two times 24 Heurs du Mans winner Romain Dumas behind the wheel, before further testing at Monza. As the multi-times Sports Car Championship winning team Joest is spearheading the programme for SCG.

 

As the forthcoming 2021 FIA World Endurance Championship (WEC) season, which has returned to a normal yearly calendar was set to commence on April 4th at the Autodromo du Internacional Algarve (Algarve International Circuit) in Portimao, Portugal. Since the season opening 1000 Miles of Sebring race has been Cancelled a second year in-a-row due to COVID 19 Travel restrictions

 

But the Eight Hours of Portugal round has now just been Postponed to June 13th, which was the original weekend of this year’s 24 Hours of Le Mans.

 

Since the ACO, the governing body of the classic French endurance race is hopeful of having fans attend le Circuit de la Sarthe over the weekend of August 21-22, when the 24 Heurs du Mans will now be held. Meaning the European Sports Car (WEC) Championship season won’t begin until May 1st at the Mighty Spa, when the renown Spa Francorchamps circuit host the Six Hours of Spa. 

Thursday, March 4, 2021

Some Assorted Alpine F1 Team News

Just Playin’ Ketsup on Der Vurld de Motorsporten again, Ja-Ja!

 

As Y’all are painfully aware of, your Humble No Fenders Scribe Tomaso has been battling the whims of upgrading to winDOUGHS 10 and a Coherent Zoomtext Screen Reader the past year’s plus time now, Urgh! With this story partially intended to serve as the bridge to Blogmeister  Miguel updating the No Fenders F1 Team links section whenever possible…

 

As All astute Formula 1 Aficionados already know, the Renault F1 Team has rebranded itself as the Alpine F1 Team beginning with the 2021 Formula 1 season.

 

Along with the departure of former Team Principal Cyril Abiteboul, whom presumably has gotten his new Tatoo courtesy of former Renault F1 Driver DannyRick’, aka Daniel Ricciardo, after the Aussie scored the first of his two podium finishes last year, but I digress…

 

As Cyril as been replaced  by Davide Brivio, the former Team Boss of the Suzuki MotoGP team that won last year’s MotoGP riders title with Joan Mir. As I’ve got Zero Clue if Suzuki has named his replacement yet?

 

Ant Grizzled F1 Journo’ Joe Saward previously noted that Abiteboul has previous ties to Carlos Tavares, who’s now in charge of the newly formed Automotive Behemoth named Stellantis, which is the new name of the Fiat-chrysler Peugeot merger that encompasses 14 major Automotive brands.

 

As Joe, who after all Knows F1! Notes that Stellantis’s current Formula 1 alliance is thru it’s Alfa Romeo F1 Team sponsorship, who currently occupy the back of the F1 Grid. As might Abiteboul land there in a new Management role?

 

Although I’ll take a wild Arse guess and ponder if Cyril might become the public face of Peugeot’s forthcoming Sports Car programme instead?

 

Meanwhile as we all know, alpine’s latest recruit Fredrico Suave, aka Fred Alonso suffered a bicycling accident IN EARLY February While training in Switzerland for the upcoming F1 season. Undergoing Surgery to his Upper Jaw, whilst the last News I saw claimed that Fernando had been released from Hospital and would resume training shortly.

 

As Alonso will reportedly be ready for the 2021 Formula 1 season beginning March 28th at Bahrain, and will also be present for the now ridiculously short 3-Day F1 Test Session also at Bahrain March 12-14th.

 

ALTHOUGH INTERESTINGLY, WHEN Grizzled f1 Journo’ Joe Saward tried asking the PR Folk during the Alpine F1 launch why Fernando wasn’t present, and if it was due to his Jaw surgery he was ignored.

 

As Joe claims the normal recovery time for said operation is six weeks and it’s interesting that the team has just announced former Scuderia AlphaTauri Driver Daniil Kvyat as the team’s new Reserve Driver, albeit claiming the Russian won’t be taking part in the upcoming Winter testing at Bahrain, but you’ve gotta wonder, Eh? If this is some sort of Back-up “Insurance Policy” plan in case Alonso’s Jaw isn’t quite ready for the phenomenal G-Forces a modern Formula 1 car evokes.

 

Whilst it’s funny how yesterday on ESPN’s Online Motorsports News was the obligatory statement from some High-up Alpine F1 “Mucky-Muck” saying Fernando’s totally fine, nothing’s wrong with his Jaw, he’s totally Fighting Fit and will be ready for not only the Bahrain Grand Prix, but Winter Testing. So Move along, Nothing to See Here, Blah-Blah-Blah… 

Monday, March 1, 2021

2021 Daytona Speed Weeks Postscript

As I must have been really Desperate if I’m still Scribbling ‘bout RASSCAR’ how many weeks later, Righto?

 

Following a full Day’s outing following that Day-Toner’ 500 race, the following weekend I decided to continue Thy Madness and Tune into my first Busch, Err Xfinity cup Lite race in a long, long time.

 

Since the last one I can recall was when thou Kuhnucks’ TAG’, aka Alex Tagliani and Pat “Thee Carpenter” Carpentier were Bangin’ Wheels Hammers ‘N Tongs Up North Eh! At Circuit Gilles Villeneuve on Il Notre Dam…

!

 

Those Minor League Boyz’

So I really wasn’t planning on watching, Err listening to as I said before, my first Cup Lite race in who knows how long, but I guess it’s partly being due to Starvin’ for some Racing action Me Thinks! Since it’s only been 289 Gory days since our last IndyCar race at St Pete!

 

And I knew that ‘Ol Walldinger’, aka A.J. Allmendinger was in the race and he’s always a threat on a Road Course! After all having come from Open Wheel Racing and winning five Chump Carz’, Uhm I meant Champ Car races Wayback in ’06 as ‘Ol Sugar Ray Tracy’s team-mate at Forsythe Racing. And that’s indeed “Mr. Chrome Horn” Paul Tracy in case you’re wondering…

 

And it’s been a super long time since I’ve heard ‘Ol “Double A’s,” aka Adam Alexander’s chops when calling a race. As he was joined by Joey “Sliced Bread” Logano and this year’s Daytona 500 winning Front Row Motorsports No. 34  Crew Chief Drew Blickensderfer in the Booth.

 

As it was nice hearing them give a Shout Out to Andy “the Enforcer” Lally of Sports Car fame, who I didn’t even know was in the race. And at age 46 was making a cameo appearance for B.J. McCloud’s race team aboard it’s #99 Chevrolet Camaro entry, in what apparently was a last minute Dealio’. Since Lally was originally supposed to be driving somebody else’s car. Perhaps the #03?

 

As Lally hauled the #99 up to an Uber impressive fifth place, which Adam Alexander took great pains to point out was due to his prodigious Road Racing background, along with Guffhawing over getting Lally’s place ‘O residence and region he grew up in incorrectly, Hya!

 

Although Don’t know what ultimately happened to Lally, since they never talked ‘bout him again, and RACER.com’s (Box Score) results says he finished P31, 55-laps, as the first Driver listed One-lap down. And Nah, No where are Yuhs Jeffie’ of One Lap Down (OLD) Fame Jokes here.

 

Nor any Airplane “Shirley” Jokes here, as surely Y’all know that Allmendinger and Austin Cindric collided coming to the stripe for Stage-1, looking like the fastest two cars Ontrack with A.J. getting the worse of it! Whilst Blicensderfer wryly noted “What Aerodynamics?” Later in the broadcast when Cindric eventually made his way up to the lead with a missing right front fender.

 

As I began wonderin’ when Thee Talking Heads noted it was El Capitano’, nee Roger Penske’s 84th Birthday that Cindric would be victorious? Although I found myself rootin’ against him after he tangled  with Allmendinger.

 

But it was Ty Gibbs, Granson of “Coach” Joe Gibbs who won the race, winning on Debut in a NASCAR series race, becoming only the sixth Me Thinks? Driver to do so. The last having been Kurth Busch Wayback in 2006.

 

In For a Pound, In for a penny, or However that Goes…

If it had been another of RASSCAR’s countless Ovals, I’d never have tuned in, but since it was another Drab, Dreary Rainy weekend on thou Oregon Coast, why not watch Dem’ Taxicab Bombers on Day-Toners’ slightly revamped 3.61 mile 14 turn road course, Eh?

 Having added Rumble Strips at Ye Bus Stop Chicane in order to keep Dirt ‘N Grass off the track when shortening those corners.

 

And I knew that A.J. Allmendinger was making a “One-off” for the Kaulig Racing team in their #16 Chevrolet Camaro, a team I’d never heard of before this year’s Daytona action. Whilst thought I heard Mike Joy say they have an alliance with RCR. (Richard Childress Racing)

 

And A.J. actually led the race briefly, towards the end of Stage-2 Me Thinks, when they elected to stay out for “Track Position,” i.e.; media attention for leading when the leaders elected to pit for tyres ‘N fuel.

 

Allmendinger then got penalized for entering Pit-lane too fast and had to go to the back of the line, but soldiered his way back towards the pointy end and finished seventh, one place ahead of this year’s Daytona 500 Winner Michael McDowell. As the team had said they were simply hoping for a Top-10 finish, so Mission Accomplished!

 

As Can Y’all tell I’m a fan of Allnendinger’s? As I’ve liked him ever since he and the late Justin B-I-G UNIT’ Wilson won the 2012 Rolex 24, where Wilson wryly called him A.J. “Hash-tag Big Shot!” Allmendinger, Hya! But A.J. seems like he’s really blossomed as an Announcer the past few years when not busy driving Sports Cars…

 

Also heard Aussie James Davison’s named called for running second briefly in another of the many caution periods when also electing to stay out when the leading pack pitted. Arse-sumedly’ Davison was running for IndyCar’s newest team owner Rick Ware who’s joined forces with Dale Coyne Racing, in Coyne’s never ending stretching of the Alphabet for team monikers.

 

As Davison drove the #15 Rick Ware Racing Camaro to a 23rd place finish, 1-lap down. And reportedly has leaked the News that he’ll return for his seventh Indianapolis 500 this May also driving for Rick Ware & Company, a la Dale Coyne Racing with Rick Ware Racing, albeit the team claims it won’t be aboard their No. 51 entry, Huh?

 

As we know that the primary #51 Driver, IndyCar rookie Romain Grosjean won’t be driving any of the Super Speedway Ovals, i.e.; Texas or Indianapolis, but there will reportedly be two DCRWRCR Oomph! Entries at Mother Speedway, Nos. 51-52…

 

Meanwhile, since El Capitano had just celebrated his birthday, I began thinking it would be poetic if Joey Logano won aboard his Team Penske mount somewhere’s during the end of Stage-1.

 

And Logano almost pulled off the feat, albeit runnin’ outta Rubber’ just over one lap shy of the Chequered Flag. Which saw Christopher Bell score his Debut Cup victory aboard another Joe Gibbs Racing (JGR) entry, which gave Toyota a Clean Sweep of the weekend’s three NASCAR races.

 

And Bell’s victory coupled with McDowell’s became only the third time in history for two Debutante Winners in the series opening two races, not having occurred since the 1949-50 season! 

Saturday, February 27, 2021

2021 Daytona 500 Postscript

As I must be really Desperate if I’m Scribbling ‘bout RASSCAR’, Eh?

 

So I’m not sure what’s more confounding for me? The fact that I set out to watch, Err listen to the Day-Toner’ 500 on Ye Telie’, or that I stuck thru it’s Mega five-plus hours Rain Delay to it’s Gory Conclusion! Or that I decided to Tune into my first Busch, Err Xfinity cup Lite race in a long, long time the week after, not to mention the following weekend’s Cup Road Course race.

 

Another Memorable Day-Toner’ 500

Although it’s funny how I once again decided to skip the Busch Clash Replay during that Mega Rain Delay, since I already knew it’s outcome. Ultimately Skipping it twice, since I really couldn’t handle the Sophomoric Hijinx Screaming of Pretty Boy Floyd and ‘Ol Fisticuff’, aka Jeff Gordon and Clint Bowyer in the Broadcast Booth!

 

But I suppose I decided to watch that Mini Documentary on the making of what I’ll forever call Dazes ‘O blunder! Better known as Days of Thunder, starring Tom “I Feel the Need, The Need for Speed!” Cruise since I’ve always liked him as an Actor.

 

As I was happy to hear somebody say what I’d Arse-sumed’ after reading, Err listening to a Biography on Paul Newman a year ago that it was indeed ‘Ol Blue Eyes during the filming of The Color of Money that enticed Cruise’s yearning to go Racing…

 

Although somehow I wasn’t aware that the movie was Directed by Tony Scott, who had just Directed Cruise in Top gun, a film I totally enjoyed Wayback when. Which contrary to the Documentary, top gun still resonates with me more than Days of Thunder! As somebody in the Documentary says how many Films are we still talking about after 30 years? Whale’ I’m never talking ‘bout Dazes ‘O blunder, except to Mock It!

 

I also learned that Tony Scott had Died, although his widow, former Miss North Carolina, Model and Actress Donna Wilson never mentions the cause of Death, which I’ve subsequently learned was suicide, when he Jumped off the Vincent Thomas Bridge in California in August, 2012 at age 68. Along with learning he was the younger brother of Ridley Scott.

 

And I enjoyed the tidbit ‘bout Chase Briscoe driving thru the nearby Panda Express in his Nomex Firesuit, which his wife then dually Tweeted during that Mega Rain Delay, since after all Driver do get hungry also…

 

Continuing plying thoust Seas ‘O Synchronicity, and I Don’t know it’s actually Apropos but, Did Y’all notice that 62yr old Derrike Cope collided with Bubba Wallace on Lap 3, cutting a tyre and promptly Smacking the Wall! When everybody in the Stands was supposed to be standing and saluting with three fingers raised for Thee Intimidator (Dale Earnhardt) in honour of his passing 20 years ago.

 

As it was Cope as I mentioned before who shockingly won the 1990 Daytona 500 when ‘Ol Ironhead’, aka Earnhardt errantly struck an undeserving Seagull whilst leading the race on the final lap! Or at least that’s my memory of what happened. As it was Cope’s final Daytona 500 entry, and he finished 40th and last.

 

“True Memory is as Illusive as A Bar of Wet Soap”

(John Le Carre: The Pigeon tunnel – Stories from My Life, 2016)

 

And Y’all know the crazy but predictable Racins’ Rubbin’ outcome of this year’s race, where 100-1 longshot Michael McDowell won his very first ever NASCAR Cup race on his 358th start over 14yrs, which is relatively quicker than ‘Ol Mikey “aw Shucks!” Waltrip’s Ginormous 0-for-426 Starts record before winning for the first time in that Dreaded 2001 Daytona 500.

 

And I’m just totally guessing here, but does that make McDowell just the third ever Open Wheel Racing Driver to win the Day-Toner’ 500? Since I know that ‘Ol SuperTex’, aka A.J. Foyt and Ye Original SuperMario’, nee Mario Andretti had both won the Daytona 500 previously.

 

As McDowell cut his teeth in Single Seaters, winning the 2004 Star Mazda Championship before eventually gravitating to an Ultra short stint at Rocketsports Racing during the 2005 Champ Car World Series season, where he replaced the unceremoniously Dumped Ryan Hunter-Reay for the season’s final two races before ultimately departing for RASSCAR’.

 

But my favourite Quip of the whole race was provided by LarryMac’, (MacReynolds) with one of his McNuggets’ when the Talking Heads were foaming over how well Austin Cindric was doing during his NASCAR Cup Debut, claiming he could become only the eighth driver ever to win the Daytona 500 on his Roundy-round Cup Debut.

 

As Larry noted tht ‘Ol Lonestar JR, nee Johnny Rutherford had won one of the two Daytona 150 Duels on Debut Wayback in 1963 and NO, I wasn’t at the race, Hya!

 

And talkin’ of Cindric, as in Team Penske’s Main Man tim Cindric’s son who was making his Cup Debut aboard a further Team Penske entry, Isn’t it Ironic Alanis? That it would be the two Team Penske Mainstays, i.e.; Joey Logano leading the race with team-mate “Bad Brad” Keselowski on “His six” that collided with each other whilst running 1-2 on the last lap! Leaving the Door wide open for eventual winner McDowell… 

Tuesday, February 23, 2021

Will the Craziness Cease in 2021?

Polar Vortex’s, COVID 19, “The Beat Goes On…”

 

So as Geo. Phillips of Oilpressure.com Fame would say, if you’re looking for some motor racing Talk today, then come back tomorrow, or may be Thursday? To “See” if I can manage to Gory load another riveting Post upon No Fenders, Urgh! Or should that be Ruf, Ruf? Bark-Bark?

 

Since this one’s gonna be devoted to a very precious Animal I’ve indelibly nicknamed Pixie the Wonderdog, WUF-WUF! Although I did manage to include some racing nostalgia at the end of the story.

 

If you’re an Animal lover then you know the importance of having a pet in your life, for which I like to believe I have the Best of both Worlds, since I’ve been given the honorary title of Surrogate parent of Pixie’s, meaning I have “Visiting Rights” to this precocious, Smallish Chihuahua Terrier mix “Puppy-dog” who was the runt of the litter. Even if she’ll be celebrating her 13th birthday in just a Fortnight approximately, Uhm right after IndyCar was supposed to be kicking off it’s season on March 7th.

 

As I got the call Sunday afternoon after I’d finished watching, Err listening to a fairly entertainable RASSCAR’ Cup race upon Daytona’s road course, equipped with new Rumble Strips to try keep Dem’ Good ‘Ol Boyz’ outta short-cutting the Bus Stop chicane.

 

As F1 Spotter, Florencian’ Jeannie called to tell me that Pixie hadn’t been eating since Friday and she thought we should take her to the Veterinarian on Monday, which naturally made me concerned, and put a Damper on my mood the rest of the evening. Albeit I did decide to Tune-in to Speed freaks for some motor racing related levity…

 

So our local Vet in Florence wasn’t accepting any new Pets right now, which makes me kinda Pissed Off at them, so we ended up driving a hour’s east of us to Venita, where a very popular Veterinarian’s office said they could “Squeeze Us in” for an Emergency Check-up at 3:45PM after Jeannie began calling around at 8:15AM Monday morning.

 

And this place is super popular with ten Veterinarian’s on hand, not to mention the roughly 15 separate Vet Assistant “Technicians” and was nonstop traffic of people bringing their Dogs and Cats in and out en masse as we arrived early and waited for our turn.

 

Since we were  an Emergency visit, without a scheduled appointment, we had to wait an hour before they had a free room to examine Pixie and needed to run various tests, as Jeannie and Pixie were in there for nearly three hours while John and I sat outside in the van. As last time I checked my talking keychain clock, it said 7:20PM and Jeannie was still waiting to get the Bill!

 

All of which was very impressive to mwah, since they close at 6PM, but the Veterinarian wanted to run the minimum, but recommended panel of Blood tests and said it had simply been crazy today, since it’s the first day after a weekend and nobody wants to take their pet to an emergency clinic on Sunday…

 

As I learned vicariously how a Dog get’s its temperature taken, to which Cladio’ enjoys calling the Rectal Drone, Youch! As Pixie was given various Antibiotics for her various ailments for the next two weeks, and most importantly has been drinking small amounts of water the whole time. So hopefully the medicines will cure her nausea, Jaundis and other ailments and she’ll return to a normal, healthy, happy Puppy-dog shortly.

 

As it was pretty Funny to Mwah how I was informed that Pixie doesn’t like Jeannie running over the “Turtles,” bumps on the edge of the road and about halfway home on our return, climbed down her stairs, silently glided past me underneath the bench seat and settled down on one of her numerous blankets at the rear of the van to sleep the entire way home. As presumably she was somewhat traumatized from her Doctor’s visit as we ended up being gone for nearly eight hours, Aye Karumba!

 

Meanwhile, and totally by CoInky-dense, I’d searched for the ending of the 1990 Daytona 500 on Youtube Sunday morning, since I’m still positive that ‘Ol Ironhead’, aka Dale Earnhardt errantly Hit a Seagull on that final lap, even though some Internets reports claim he cut a tyre on some debris.

 

As Ned Jarrett originally proclaimed that Earnhardt must have cut a tyre down. But subsequently muses that that’s not the case, and Dale simply had a sudden loss of power instead…

 

So it was like Déjà Vudu as ‘Ol Yogi Berra would say hearing Ken Squire as the lead Announcer, with Chris Economaki and Ned Jerrett in the Booth. With Ye ‘Ol Windbag, nee Dave Despain and Mike Joy as  Pit Reporters.

 

As Economaki waxed on how Purolator, the main sponsor of Derrike Cope’s Wickham Racing’s #10 Chevrolet Lumina was being Sold . Getting out of the business of sponsoring racecars in NASCAR, since it didn’t match their priorities anymore, since apparently it was Sold to Oh Kanaduhs’ Canadian Post, Eh? Whilst Cope was on the brink of possibly winning the Sport’s biggest race, running second behind Earnhardt.

 

As Spanaway, Washington’s Cope had never finished better than sixth to that point in his career, and was running on Used tyres after they’d elected to Stay Out during a previous caution to give him the lead briefly.

 

While Earnhardt had taken a set of fresh Goodyear rubber for the end of the race, but Cope was able to draft right on up to Thee Intimidator’s rear bumper and race with him.

 

With another name from the past being mentioned, as Cope’s Crew Chief was the celebrated Buddy Parrot. As I bring All of this up for many reasons, like Cope being the first Warshingtonion’ to win the Day-Toner 500 along with thou Seas ‘O synchronicity

Once again bathing me.

 

Since for years I took to calling Pixie thou Pixolator’ here upon No Fenders, but tired of Spielchequor’ always asking me, Did you mean Purolator? Which naturally I’d totally forgotten that they’d been Cope’s title sponsor Wayback in 1990.

 

As the best part of the 1990 Daytona 500 Finish Youtube video chronicling the race’s final five laps is Despain interviewing Parrot after the Checkered Flag, saying Cope’s got another problem? which Buddy Parrot triumphantly tells Despain that Cope says He Doesn’t Know where Victory lane is! 

Friday, February 19, 2021

Don't Take them Training Wheels Off Yet, Buster!

Self Driving Nanobots? Flying Taxis? More like Flying Monkeys Me Thinks!

 

So why is life as a Blind Blogger so G-DAMN Difficult these Days? I mean it’s Bad enough that the “New & Improved, Wink-Wink, Nudge-Nudge,” NOT! Zoomtext Fusion 2021 Screen Reader’s turning out to be a piece of Flaming Crap! But Seriously?

 

Right now I’m literally typing Blindly, Whale’ at least I was when I began typing this Tuesday morning…

 

Since for reasons unknown, Zoomtext Fusion 2021 simply decided to Magically turn Off my Keyboard and Mouse Echo features this past Monday evening/Tuesday morning, the latter I rely upon Heavily, since I spend several hours a day simply sweeping the mouse back ‘n fourth to have it Talk to me, to tell me  where something is upon the screen that I can No longer See, since like I said before: Wider is Not Better for Mwah! And hence jumping from a 19-inch square High Def’ monitor to a 24-inch HDi rectangular monitor has ruined the world for me visually, but I digress…

 

Thus just when I thought I might be able to begin posting here on No Fenders with some sorta frequency, my world literally went Dark once again, Frick! Since

I need the Keyboard to echo my completed typed words in order to know what I’ve tried spelling; B5? Nope! D9? Nope!

 

As I won’t even begin trying to tell Y’all ‘bout how Gory Horrific Blogger’s new Blogging Interface platform is, other than I now simply call it Blooger

 

As it’s simply a game of Bloody Battleship whenever I try posting something Solo, and it’s definitely not made for anybody visually impaired or worse, Fucking Blind! Can you Hear me Now Google?!

 

Or even better yet, how ‘bout you Freedom Scientific or whatever you’ve rebranded yourselves as today? Oh yeah, I always forget you’re now Vispero, i.e.; makers of Zoomtext and this Well Gollee Zoomtext Fusion programme I’ve upgraded too, since the Zoomtext programme would Never work correctly!

 

Since like Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary ellen said, I thought Fusion was supposed to let a Blind person Navigate their computer screen without being able to SEE! Since have I reminded Y’all lately that I’m Blind?

 

Which means I shouldn’t have to play “Battleship” when trying to open an Internet link on the web, as I’ve never even been able to use MOOHZillah’/Firefox because the Screen Reader WON’T interface correctly for whatever reason?

 

And Adding Insult to Injury, I’ve just mailed off my Cheque to pay off my Credit Card balance for said product that Don’t even work correctly, URGH! As I’m definitely not a Computer Technician! Nor am I a Gory Rocket Scientist or A Doctor Jim! As where’s ‘Ol Bones from Star Trek when Yuhs need him, Eh?

 

As right now I’m completely Baffled on how to install the Fusion Update my system keeps asking me if I want to install the Update every Gory Stinkin’ time I log onto my Confuzer.

 

After I say Yes to the first two questions, or if you’re still following along at home?

 

“Ken,” my new very annoying robotic Male Screen Reader Synthesizer’s voice, and Yeah, I chose Ken as in Ken & Barbie, since he sounds very Mickey Mousish to my Uber’ Sensitive Hearing, but I digress further…

 

  As Ken will read me that the Fusion 2021 version 2.4.98.69 XP Caladrocious One of One is Not Checked…

 

But try as I may, I cannot manage to Blindly Sweep the Mouse over the Arse-sumedly Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny “Radio Button” location where I need to select it to “Check” the suggested update so I can install it. As why would  a company who claims to be the leader in products for the visually impaired make their programmes so Bloody Difficult for their Clientele who are BLIND!

 

And even weirder yet, why would the programme magically start working again 48-plus Hours later? With the Keyboard and Mouse Echo features once again enabled, even though I never actually managed to successfully reset the Fusion programme on my own…

 

And we’re gona become a future society having Autonomous vehicles transporting us everywhere safely? Oh Never Mind!

 

As we’ll “See” if I can manage to resume Blogging shortly, and Find where the Bloody Labels category Box is hiding in the Blooger interfaces, Sigh… 

Sunday, February 14, 2021

Ode to DannaCar'

                Yeah! It's that time of the year once again to honour Ye Disco Queen of 'RASSCAR! As I think Dan-Dan-Danicker’ might actually be lookin’ for a Valentine's Sweetheart this year? Since she and her former Boyfriend, NFL QB Aaron Rodgers have reportedly Broken Up, Fumble! Nevertheless, here we go…

 

Toe to toe
Dancing very slow
Barely breathing
Almost comatose…

(pressdog!)

Wall to wall
People hypnotized
And they're stepping lightly
Hanging on her every move each night in Rapture

Back to back
Sacrailiac
Spineless movement
And a wild attack

Face to face
Sadly solitude
And it's finger popping

Twenty-four hour shopping

InDannaCar Land!

Flavour Flav HMS Monogram told me everybody's high
DJ's spinning' are saving' my mind
Flash is Fast, Flash is cool
Jacke Vanilla sez fast, Flashe' no do


And you try to stop

(Watching’ MAC Montoya, Sam Hornish & ALL those Open Wheel DEFECTORS!)

SURE SHIT!

Just go out to the parking lot
Get in your car and you drive real far

Away from the track!


After you drive all night, you see a bright flashing light

And it comes right down and lands on the ground
And out pops a Girl in a shiny sequin bathing suit from RASSCAR!

And you try to run but She's got a gun
And She shoots you dead and “She eats your head
And then you're in the Girl from RASSCAR!

You go out at night, eatin' Racecars

 You eat Marches, Reynard’s, Swift’s and Panoz’s too…

And you don't stop, you keep on eatin' Single Seaters
Then, when there's no more Racecars left
You go out at night and eat up Open Wheel Racing series instead

Like Champ Car and the IRL

While ‘Ol timers desperately cling to fantasies of a renaissance…

 

Face to face, dance cheek to cheek

One to one, man to man
Dance toe to toe
Don't move to slow, 'cause the Girl from RASSCAR is cutting thru

(Excuse me HULIO!)

 

But Mrs. Hospenthal is through with the competition

‘cause She's been eatin' a ton ‘O snicker bars
Yeah, wall to wall, door to door, hall to hall
She's gonna eat 'em all
Rapture…

 

Be pure
Take a tour; through the sewer
Don't strain your brain

Just check out that Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue instead!

And then say it real fast

Boog-itee- Boog-itee- Boog-itee!

Paint a train, cause you’ll be singing' in the rain

If dare ain’t some ‘Tin Tops on real soon
I say stop throwin those mountain dew cans at Pretty Boy Floyd

Junior Nation!

Just be good ‘ol boyzs and cheer for ‘dannaCar instead!

Well now you see what you want to be

Just like Mike, who’s trying to pump up ‘Dem Spin-Car ratings on TV
'Cause the Girl from RASSCAR won't eat Candy bars when She’s PEAK-ing

In the bright lights…

 

As now She's gone back up to MARS Where She won't have a hassle with the human race ‘cause now its ‘DannaLand!

And you hip-hop, and you don't stop
Just blast off, sure shot
'Cause the Girl from RASSCAR stopped eatin' Racecars
And now She only devours IndyCar

get up; ‘Cause She’s gone HOLLYWOOD!

(Original lyrics: Blondie, Rapture; from the 1980 Album AutoAmerican)

 

2021 Edition

Originally written by Tomaso on Feb 15, 2008

(Last Modified: February 14th, 2021)