Monday, July 21, 2014

Tiptoein' thru the Backstretch...

First of all, I've just spent thy past weekend on a 'Mega Telie' Gorgeathon, watchin' both the German Grand Prix and Toronto IndyCar action both Saturday & Sunday and thus, I'm a 'Wee bit Knackered...

So I was thinking of doing the cliche-ish' The Good, Bad and Ugly theme for this post, but really don't have nothing ugly to divulge, as actually its A-L-L good except for the two parts that "Peacock-lite" SCREWED UP!

First of all, I have to say that I like almost the entire current NBCSN IndyCar On-Air talent, with the exceptions of Wally Dallenbach & Marty Reid, (OOPS! And nobody caught my Freudian slip, eh? As it was supposed to be Marty Snider...) as they're just a 'lil too much "Country;" Err 'RASSCAR for Mwah; as has anybody noticed just how hard NBCSN's pushin' its 'RASSCAR programmin' a year before it arrives...

That said, as I know I just read thee OLD-est IndyCar Blogger Geo. Phillips recently comment how his perfect IndyCar TV Booth Boyz' line-up would include Leigh Diffey, "Professor 'B" (Jon Beekhuis) and thee irrepressible 'PT, the "Thrill from the West  Hill," nee Paul Tracy - as that would suit me fine, as I'm not campaigning for anyone to get the Hook, but; I cannot say just how much I enjoy hearing Bob Varsha's voice! As he'll always be my Numero Uno for lead announcer over Diffey or Brian Till...

Thus, it seemed that the Dye was cast early into Saturday's miserably WET Toronto race  when Derrick Walker Deadpanned to Varsha how astute of him in surmising it had been deemed officially a "Wet Race;" (start) Hya! As Varsha just seemingly spent the afternoon playing the "Straight Man," whilst Ol 'R, aka Robin Miller provided the comic relief on Pit-lane and  in the Stands, while Paul Tracy played a very enjoyable "Straight Guy" for Townsend Bell's unending Quips!

As perhaps I'm wacky? As I was gonna say "Goofy," which is my 94yr old 'Awntie Harriet's "Tag-line;" Hooah! But I found myself chuckling for hours whilst watching 'N enjoying almost the entire Saturday NON-Race TV Broadcast... As two thoughts came to mind, probably inspired by 'PT's in-car track demo with whom he called 'T-Bell when he said it wasn't his first rodeo.

That being, that us Fans are extremely lucky to have such experienced television broadcasters, albeit its Tracy's and Kelli Stavast's rookie seasons, while not only are we lucky, but IndyCar, and specifically "Starship HC" (Hulman & Co.) are DAMN FORTUNATE to have hired such a sage hand as Derrick Walker to run the competition side! Even if presumably people in the Paddock and elsewhere's disagree, Walker's "Been There, Done That!" And knows how to NOT panick and do what's best for everybody, including the Driver's safety...

As Yeah, I think IndyCar totally made the right call on red-flagging the race repeatedly, although it had a little bit feel of Sao Paolo's Nightmare to Mwah, which I'm pretty sure I shellacked 'Ol 'Billybob Brazenheartz (Brian Barnhart) over the stupendous choice to go GREEN during a Monsoon! As HELL! Even the Pace-car had troubles in Toronto; Aye Karumba!

While I kept thinking of  poor 'Ol Alex Zanardi every time a driver mentioned not being able to see squat and if a car spun out in front of them and got T-Boned... Although the last part is just what I thought, and don't think it was ever said?

Although I still remember Justin 'B-I-G UNIT Wilson noting years ago how when they couldn't see NOTHING during the Champ Car race upon Il Notre Dam, at the Circuit Gilles Villeneuve which is notorious for its trees dripping mist upon the track when it rains... That you just simply looked skywards for the banners or anything overhead in order to try 'N get a bearing upon where you were on the track; YIKES!

Yet at the same time, I have to say how much PT's growing on Mwah as an announcer, as I really enjoy his "Straight Shootin'" style, with almost NO BS... As the chemistry just seemed remarkable between Varsha, Tracy and Townsend Bell, a la Paul Page and Pippa Mann on the IMS Radio Network side. As my favourite thingy 'bout PT is that  he doesn't do the contrived "WHOOOOOOOOOOAAAA!!! Screaming BULLSHIT that Steve Matchett and David Hobbs do  when something happens on-track during an F1 race...

And perhaps it's because I've typically skipped the Pre-race banter this year, especially since NBCSN's tends to run way too LONG! That it  felt like it was the first Pit-run I'd seen Miller do this year, which was very entertaining, as his time with 'Cheep! (Ganassi) got the comedy rolling... While Robin's interviews with 'SuperTex, nee A.J. Foyt and later on the "Mad 'Rooskie," as I tend to recall that Bill Vukovich was type casted as the original Mad Russian, as I'm sure that Mikhail Aleshin was thinking the whole time what in thee HELL is this (OLD) guy talking about! While being interviewed with Miller who had a really BAD pun 'bout some "Russian Poot-teen" (protein or Vladimir?) that Aleshin was  gonna eat... Who played along brilliantly by saying the bacon would add one second per lap time; Hya!

while foyt's quips 'bout just being a spectator made me immediately think about him being a "JAFO!" A classic from Blue Thunder; Hooah!

And although I read that Mr. Oil Pressure thinks KS' (Kelli Stavast) is still a little too bit stiff, which I sort of agree with, it seemed like she loosened up a little bit the longer the Red flag periods went on; as I can't remember which driver it was, but it sounded like she was almost gonna laugh, while I seem to recall her pronouncing her rookie status during another rain delay this year, perhaps Barber?

As I recall she was interviewing ''HULIO (Castroneves) who said he'd hook her up with some appropriate foot attire after she had her camera person do a close-up of her muddy 'N wet shoes, which made me ponder how she'd faired this time out after they went off the air.

Kevin Lee did his usual, typical, good, steady reporting, although nothing to get overly excited about,  while I definitely missed 'JB, (Jon Beekhuis) yet I'm guessing he was probably quite ecstatic to be wherever he was in the Dry!

My only two complaints revolve around the actual network, not the announcers, as I couldn't believe they'd done I-T again! Having sat down for breakfast pre-race, I tuned into NBCSN's nonstop Tour de France coverage and as it got towards the bottom of the hour, i.e.; 8:30AM Pacific, I raced over to grab the remote as another U$ Bank Sports Update began, as I was ready to hit the MUTE button whilst curiously wonderin' if they'd be so STUPID to reveal the Hockenheim Qualie' results which were being re-aired at 9AM Pacific on you guessed I-T! SHUHZAMM! As I quickly punched the mute button as the Talking Head began blathering 'bout 'Der Hockenheimring; SHEISA! As this is exactly what "Peacock-lite" did on the morning of their British Grand Prix replay; CRAP!


And the second snafu, albeit not as egregious, was Bob Varsha telling us they were going to show Motorcross racing  and then be back at 4PM Pacific to inform us what IndyCar and the Toronto promoter had decided to do in regards to trying to run the race.

Thus I sat there and listened 'N listened for some 15+ minutes until 4:11PM (Pacific) realizing that there wasn't gonna be any announcement; WTF! As although perhaps there was some mention on the teensy-weensy "Crawl?" But guess what  BASTARDOS! Just like being unable to read the qualifying line-ups which are NO longer read for the entire grid, I CANNOT SEE the "Crawl" and hence, therefore totally unaware of what had happened to the race until going to Trackside Online, which immediately informed me that the race had been postponed, with the article being posted at 6:14PM Eastern, just a scant five minutes after "Peacock-lite" had switched over to the two-wheeler action...

And then somewhat surprisingly, actually had a lead news item upon the reschedule of the twin races being run on Sunday in;

As A-L-L of this, which will both be shown on NBCSN, makes me wonder if it'll SCREW UP the slated rebroadcast of the German Grand Prix I'd originally planned on watching at 9AM Pacific and thus pondered 'bout getting up at Oh DARK 30! instead to watch the live action upon CNBC instead?

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Back, Sorta...

'Whale, I really hadn't expected to get thy 'Confuzer back in one day's time, which unexpectedly happened prior to the 4th 'O July weekend; having since been gallivanting 'round thy Pacific Northwest way too much lately to have any time to scribble something of importance...

As I'm definitely 100% DONE! With the local Computer Shop I'd done business with over the past year's time... As basically what we'd discover, after the JACKALOPE Computer Sonics "Bench Jockey" accused me of lying to him... Lost another customer with his (ridiculous) customer service; NOT! After I'd tried vainly giving my patronage to a local business.

The IDIOT in question said to me on the phone: Who serviced your machine? To which I (truthfully) replied; nobody. To which he asked a little more firmly: No, who serviced your machine? To which I calmly replied NOBODY HAS! As it's NEVER been serviced, to which he curtly echoed again: Who serviced your machine. To which I retorted, nobody has,  that's the way it came from your shop when I purchased I-T! To which I really should have said: YOU FUCKING BUILT IT THAT WAY!

AnyHoo, imagine my surprise when we pulled up to where the Computer shop used to be, only to find the shop vacant - fortunately with a we've moved notice & location on the door. And sauntering into Computer Sonics and explaining how my machine was still under warranty, they tried pulling a FAST ONE by saying, NO Sir, your warranty is from the date of purchase - even though my machine wasn't built until a week later.

Well Ok, but it's still making a nasty sound upon start-up, please diagnose it for Mwah, to which I was shocked to receive the aforementioned phone call questioning my honesty the very same day as the Bombastic Boffin' said your machine's got electrical tape all over it and there's an incorrectly wired switch in it, Huh; WTF?

Thus, thanxs to Claudio, we picked up le Machine one  day later, to which the Computer Geeks firmly told me that my warranty was done; Uh Duh JACKARSES! As they told me that the power source was the issue, as Claudio would subsequently show me how the sides of the power source unit were wrinkled, bent and chewed-up, to which A-L-L we could surmise is that they'd tried cutting corners by installing used parts upon my machine that I'd thought I was paying for a brand new computer CPU tower one year ago when having it built...

And thus it makes me laugh seeing the "Positive Feedback" remarks upon Zed Internetz, for said company that cannot even update its new location on the very same Internetz! As obviously I'll NEVER be going back there again!

But at least for the time being, I've got a working 'Confuzer, and thus, I'll continue with the riveting Blog stories for awhile longer - which I guess I'd better ski-dattle 'N start scribblin' some more, eh?

Saturday, July 19, 2014

After a pair of World Champions squabble over 5th place as Nico's Gearbox packs up, will Rosberg return Hamilton's favour this weekend?

Whilst A-L-L of Bloody 'Ol England was awash over thy young "Louise 'JAGUAR" Hamilton's majestic victory at Jolly 'Ol Silverstone, which contrary to 'Ol Hobbo's (David Hobbs) opinion isn't the oldest Grand Prix on the circuit: Can Y'all say Monza?

As the fight for the top step upon the podium was rather sanguine, after Rosberg's first retirement of the season left crowd darling team-mate Lewis Hamilton to disappear into the sunset, some 40+ seconds ahead of a brilliant second place finish by Valtteri Bottas, Williams lone bright spot of the weekend - with Daniel Riccardo once again finishing ahead of Vettel (and a fast closing Button) in P3.

And although Hamilton's lead was never seriously questioned, nevertheless, I thoroughly enjoyed the immense scrap over fifth place between "Fredrico Suave" (Fernando Alonso) and "TWINKIEBOY!" As for once I completely agree with "Niki-the-Rat's" assessment of Seb' Vettel needing to simply SHUT UP and QUIT Crying like a 'lil Schoolboy over the radio!

Meanwhile, as I've already divulged, MeThinks? I'm running a zillion miles behind whilst busy frolicking away the summer months; Hey! After all Seattle only has an average of 58 SUNNY Days per year! As I'm currently busy checking' out the Sand Dunes in Florence, Oregon; but I digress...

Thus, upon Gorging thyself upon Open Wheel motorsports on the 4th 'O July weekend, having watched both the Pocono IndyCar and British Grand Prix races in their entirety, overall I was very satisfied, even if the WRONG Mercedes GP driver won, even having told Mary Ellen prior to the race how although I was getting Jazzed over 'Brittany's (Nico Rosberg) growing dominance over team-mate Hamilton, it was still a long ways to go, and Nico hadn't  suffered a DNF yet... SHUHZAMM!

AnyHoo, although I'll miss the racing this weekend, nevertheless, I'm hoping that Rosberg can return the favour by winning his home Grand Prix this weekend and thus settling  down a crowing Lewis Hamilton. Yuhs know, the cocky Brit' who claimed that Rosberg wasn't a German less than a Fortnight prior to Nico's home race!

Lewis Hamilton turns up the heat withjibe at Nico Rosberg’s nationality


Thursday, July 17, 2014

Doce 200 GP Starters to be Upstaged by 'JENSE this weekend...

Bloody 'JENSE looks to set his own record at the Hockenheimring this Sunday. (Image source:
Whilst much adu was made over the affable Brazilian Felipe Massa's 200th Grand Prix start at Silverstone, nevertheless, the British Grand Prix on the whole was fairly lackluster for Team 'Willy - with Susie Wolff's FP1 (Free Practice) debut being short lived after an oil pressure failure, with Massa crashing repeatedly, not to mention the team's drivers being outfoxed by the changing weather conditions - failing to escape  the Q1 Qualie' session, Massa was still looking forward to starting his 200th GP.

Yet, as Y'all know, Massa was the unfortunate victim of a first lap crash when thee 'Kimster (K. Raikkonen) careened off of a ditch, broke his suspension and augured nose into the barriers, causing nearly an hour's Red flag period.

Ironically, Kimi Räikkönen & his Oomphlats were the latest inductees into the prestigious 200 Starts Club, when the Monosyllabic Finn notched his Double Century Grand Prix start at this year's Canadian GP, to which, in typical Iceman fashion, he was very non-plussed about.

As Räikkönen became the sport's 14th driver to accomplish the feat, now having been joined by Massa, only the 15th driver to do so...

As Felipe will ever be intertwined with my acquisition of a Speed Freaks "Freakin' is  My Business" T-shirt sent to Mwah for callin' out Crash Gladys upon calling the affable Brazilian Felipe Moss; YIKES! As think I'll dig I-T out 'N wear it down to the coast in honour of Massa...

Hence, whilst casting around thee A-L-L Knowing intrawoods, nee internetz to confirm my long dormant records on such Statistical matters, I came across the following story, albeit obviously written prior to 200 Club members No's 12-13 joining the fray; and obviously this year's latest two inductees.

As I've previously scribbled about "Fredrico Suave" (Fernando Alonso) and Mark 'Handlebarz Webber joining the club in;

'Mean Jean Alesi's 200th GP start liveried Jordan EJ11-Honda racecar. (Diecast model)
As for reasons unknown, the 10 Most Experienced F1 Drivers article above leaves out 'Mean Jean Alesi from its honours roll, as the mercurial Frenchman completed 201 Grand Prix's, as I still recall seeing his yellow & black Benson & Hedges; Err Buzzin 'N Hornets Jordan adorned with 200 numerals on its sidepods at the 2001 USGP, my debutant outing to Mother Speedway, nee Indianapolis Motor Speedway - the first international sporting event held after that nefarious 9/11 event...

Thus, by my very unofficial records, Bloody 'JENSE will take over the No. 3 slot this weekend at Hockenheim, where he'll surpass past most Grand Prix starts record holder Riccardo Patrese's once astounding tally of 256 starts.

As it seems Trulli' funny to realize how fast time has flown by, with Jenson having also surpassed ex-F1 driver thy "Trulli Scrumptious" (Jarno Trulli) 'Juan's tally of 252-starts - still being able to fondly recall Jenson Button being a rookie for Williams-BMW 'Wayback in 2000 while being mentored by then BMW Motorsports Boss Gerhard "Blockhead" Berger, along with having his driver's license suspended for speeding in a BMW Diesel!

As the 15-times Grand Prix winner and 2009 F1 world champion has come a long ways from those Team Willy' days, stirring emotions whilst wearing a pink helmet in salute of his departed father whilst qualifying an excellent third and then putting on a superbly entertaining chase for the podium's final step at his home Grand Prix at Silverstone last time out.

Thus, Button should make Grand Prix start No. 257 at 'Der Hockenheimring this Sunday, trailing only Rubino's staggering record of 322-starts, the only record Rubens Barrichello holds over former team-mate 'DER TERMINATOR, nee Michael Schumacher who finished his illustrious F1 career with 307 starts.

As the verdict's still out on whether or not Button will return to McLaren in 2015, yet surely will at least reach the mid-260's for starts by the end of this season, and at only 34yrs old, could well pass Rubino's record for longevity...