Friday, July 13, 2018

Lewis taking up Ballet?



Put on them Dancing Slippers', Lewis...

This was just too priceless to let slide by. As I LUV' I-T! When another Formula One's Driver tells her Husband's protagonist to Quit Crying like A Girl! As Thars' nothing better than erupting in laughter the morning after the British Grand Prix when hearing such well put scathing comments towards "Golden Child!"


As how Quaint, Apropos or ironic? That as I typed this riveting post, my Crappy 'lil Radio Station was playing Sir Elton John singing Hamilton's song about Ballerina's...

LE MANS: Toyota Wins a fairly Mundane Procession



Although the Drivers might be saying it; I was definitely left without saying "oh What a Feeling."

Lately in Formula 1 and Indy Cars, there's been endless Debate over the subject of Boring Races, or the fact that Reality TV and Duh World of "Infotainment" has largely Dulled our Senses over what True Competition is.

And whilst I wish to take nothing away from the countless Athletes; YES! Racing Drivers are truly World Class Athletes...

Nonetheless, I hope that the FIA and ACO are Happy with what they got for giving Toyota the Keys to their first triumph at Circuit de la Sarthe this year. By ensuring that the Artificial Equivalency Formula was skewed largely in their favour.


Since really how much of a Publicity "Bump" did the victory garner Toyota? Not to mention the somewhat contrived "fairytale" outcome for that rookie Spanish Formula 1 guy, Ci?

As I Don't know 'bout Y'all, but I'm really, really tired over the constant Horn-blowing 'bout Fernando chasing this mythical Triple Crown. Especially since nobody seems to talk about Juan Pablo Montoya only needing to win at le Mans to accomplish the feat...

Per Tipicali, specifically since my Mondo Overpriced Cable TV Behemoth comca$t, as SHIT! I'm so happy to be paying for their All Cash $65b as in Billion! Takeover; Err Merger with 21st Century Fox; but I digress...

thus, since I Don't have television access to the race on a yearly basis, i.e.; NO (Fox Sports) FS2 or the Velocity Channel, I traditionally listen to copious amounts of the race via Radio Le Mans on Zed Internetz' instead, especially since I find 'Der Heindenmeir, nee John Heinhaugh so entertaining!

Yet already smelling a Rat before the Tri-colour was waved this year, I didn't bother tuning into the race until some two-plus hours after it began at Six Bloody AM here on the West Coast.

As the Toy-Yoters' had already stamped Thar Boot-prints upon the race, leading their nearest competitors by two laps, with the Radio Le Mans Chaps predicting at this early hour that the Toyota's would dominantly win the event by a whopping 17mins.

And thus, I grew restless during the day as the Toyota's, in lock-step stretched their lead from 2-laps ahead to four. Then at 5AM  local time, the two Toyota's, with the No. 7 leading the No. 8, with the latter having brought the gap down to a miniscule 1.6 seconds between them. Then saw "K-Squared," nee Kamui Kobayashi piloting the #7 stretching the gap out to a scant 8.8 seconds, and then up to a robust 11-seconds.

Kobayashi's lead, contracting to just 10-seconds saw the two Toyota TS050 Hybrids a massive 7-laps ahead of the first two LMP1 Privateers. With the #3 Rebellion Racing leading it's "Star Studded" Seester' No. 1 by 1-lap.

At the 14 and 1/2 hour mark, in GTE Pro, the #91 "Pink Pig" had led the majority of the race ahead of its Sister #92 Rothmans "Smokey Smokes" liveried Porsche 911RSR, with the No. 68 "Stateside" Chip Ganassi Racing Ford GT, with le Hamburgular', aka SeaBass', nee Sealmeister Bourdais at its controls. And a new fourth place car, the No. 67 UK (WEC) Ford GT with Andy Priaulx behind the wheel. Being shared by TK' Follow-your-Schnoz! Kanaan and Harry Tincknell at the pointy end of the field.

As Scotty the "Iceman 2.0" Dixon's No. 69 wasn't being mentioned at the time I took notes upon the various class leaders, albeit I notice I've left out the G-Drive Racing #26 ORECA/Gibson, which was P5 overall, and handedly leading the LMP2 class for many hours.


In the GTE Am ranks, the No. 77 Dempsey Proton Porsche 911RSR of three unknown "Youngsters" Had led virtually the entire race, with a revolving cast of the remaining Amateur Drivers giving chase.


I came back for one last listen before signing off two hours later, with nine hours remaining.

As the No. 8 had leapfrogged the No. 7 for the overall lead, with both cars being assessed a one minute Stop 'N go penalty for excessive speed in a Slow Zone. But afterwards, the #8 resumed leading by 40-second;
DRAT!

Not to mention that their lead had Ballooned out to a staggering 10-laps advantage over the nearest rival, the  #3 Rebellion Non-hybrid LMP1 Privateer entry...

Shea Adam in the commentary booth had fun with the Detroit Iron battle raging in the GTE Pro class between Corvette and Ford. Noting how it was a Comic book's delight of Rocky vs. The Iceman, before Scott Dixon drafted past Mike Rockenfeller into fifth place in class. giving  a Porsche 1-2 followed by three Ford GT's, with the lead Vette' demoted to P6.


Meanwhile the No's 26 and 77 still led their classes respectively, i.e.; LMP2 and GTE Am, before I called it quits for the evening.

And then as I do every year, when switching off, since I'm nine hours behind local French time  at Circuit de la Sarthe. I wondered if there'd be any major changes when I arose the next morning? Especially with this year's lack of Competizione in the LMP1 Prototype ranks for the overall victory.


And what sounded like perhaps manufactured results tipping the odds in the No. 8's favour, with Mike Conway ant Jose Maria Lopez running some 2-4 seconds a lap slower; HUH?

Perhaps? Just perhaps so the Media and the World could go Ga-Ga over some Spaniard named Fernando in P1, I elected to not get up early this year, and would simply find out the results afterwards, since the race would finish at 6AM Pacific; YAWN...

As the final results made the entire event's outcome seem overly Anticlimactic...

Aftermath
But Not so Fast Grasshopper! as two days after the race, I learned that the LMP2 Class winning G-Drive Racing entry had been Disqualified for illegal Fuel Rig modifications; YOUCH!


Whilst the fourth place Ford GT in the GTE Pro category also ran Afoul of the Rules, specifically for TK' Follow-your-Schnoz! Kanaan failing to meet his minimum Drive-time requirements, for which Scott Dixon was also given a similar penalty; Hmm? Perhaps they were just both plain 'Ol Tuckered Out after flying to France immediately after Texas?


And finally, making Toyota's win even Hollower is the fact that they won the race over Thar severely Handicapped Non-hybrid Privateer opponents by a staggering 12-laps! Which was nearly a distance of 100 Freakin' miles; Aye Karumba! Actually 8.47 miles times 12-laps equals 91.64 miles; CRIKEYS!

Oh, What Not A Feeling!

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

No Fenders Request



Please read this...

As you may know, No Fenders Contributor Claire has recently undergone Surgery for her Breast Cancer, and needs your Help. As I simply ask for Y'all to read the link below.


As I'd greatly appreciate any small amount of Donations possible to Claire's Go Fund Me page. Or if you've already generously done so, Thank You very much! Otherwise, Thanxs for reading this...

Gratzi,
Tomaso

AUTOS: Deloreans in Different Guises abound in California...




This Time Capsule Delorean was spotted in "Rocket Rick's" (Mears) Backyard 'O Bakersfield, CA during the "Month of May," 2017 by Blogmeister' Miguel, and isn't the one Jay Leno drove subsequently on his Car Show. (the Tomaso Collection)
As one's a Movie Car replica, and the other's Bone Stock.

Rolling On, as I typically do here in Nofendersville. I broke thou story into 2 Part Harmony, since I thought it would be too long otherwise.

As this nebulous Back to The Future Delorean theme began for Mwah upon making my first-ever trip to Fresno, CA earlier this year. Which I've already regaled Yuhs in another long-form Tomaso tome previously.


A Day 'O Comedies
The Shuttle Express Driver showed up nearly 15mins early, and told me to take my time. I'm in the black Escalade, parked on the side of the building. To which I told him I'm Blind! Ok, I'm outside Sir.

Went outside and Nobody but Yeahooz' living here in my compound were just driving back 'n  forth in the parking lot. So I called Shuttle Express, said I'm Cornfuzed. I ordered a Share Van Ride, and my driver sez' he's outside in a black Escalade but I DON'T SEE him! One moment please.

Ok Tomaso, yes, we've upgraded you to your own (VIP) personal Town Car at NO extra charge, and he'll take you directly to the airport... Ok, but I still cannot S-E-E him! One moment please...


Next, when checking in at Curbside for United Airlines, as I'm 100% positive it was the same employee as last time, who told me exactly same  thingy' when asking for Assistance all the way thru to my final leg's destination. Sorry Sir, but you'll have to ask at the gate. My computer cannot talk to theirs... WTF!

Was seated at my gate 3hrs before departure, and the woman "Handler" (assistant_ who took me by wheelchair, basically just Dumped me in the nearest seat in the waiting area and Skedaddled.

As it's becoming most entertaining having to Prod my way thru the crowd queuing up to walk down the Gangplank! When they make the "Courtesy" announcement for Disabled persons to get Thar ARSE up front El Pronto! Giving Yuhs may be 2mins if you're lucky?

And that's if I can even find I-T? Where we're supposed to Board without Whacking Anybody with my White Cane; Whack-Whack, coming thru; Hya! As typically these days, I just have to find somebody standing in the way and ask which way to the gate?

Next, I stopped at the check-in & said I need to get assistance All the way thru to Fresno, via Los Angeles. And really didn't care if I was holding up boarding since the Airlines are RETARDED these Days!

But Jokes on Mwah, since although I enjoyed having had Claudio reserve me AN aisle seat directly next to the bathroom, nearly the VERY last row of our Aeroplane. Naturally we hit turbulence, being told to return to our seats 'N buckle up immediately after the flight Attendant had escorted me into the loo; CRIKEYS! As won't G-O into details 'bout a Blind person trying to use the bathroom in a rocking  Aeroplane; Whoa Nelie!

Then the man seated next to me, who was also flying to Fresno, told me how he'd made this trip multiple times. Informing Mwah how we'd actually be flying south past Fresno to get to LA before flying back north again upon a Puddle Jumper; SWELL!

Claus was a very friendly Chap who ended up assisting me down the Jet-way in Los Angeles (LAX) since they seemed short staffed. And it was a tiny Aeroplane, smacking my Head on the stowage bin, and hearing something go crunch when trying to shove my backpack in it; SHEISA!

So naturally the Flight Attendant ARSE-Sumed we were flying together, even though he was a row behind me, and I had to ask her on her second pass thru for "A Cookie;" Err cup 'O water, as she said she didn't hear me...

When I'd tried asking repeatedly if she was talking to me? When passing thru the Darkened Cabin on her initial Walk-thru. Since this is a fairly common occurrence with Flight Attendants whom don't seem to grasp the difficulties of being Blind in a Dark Aeroplane!

Notice how I'm NOT even bringing up trying to eat in the Dark in miniscule seats with crying, kicking Baby's seated next to Mwah in the; Oh Never Mind!

Then the funniest part was when I was finally assisted off the "Puddle Jumper." As for reasons unknown, United decided to leave my suitcase I'd paid the FREAKIN' $25 check luggage fee for in Los Angeles; URGH!

As do NOT even get me started on the sheer MADNESS thou Airlines cause me every single Stinkin' time I'm waiting to Board and hear the now Obligatory announcement of stowing Bags FREE 'o Charge to your final Destination due to their NOT being enough Stowage Bins...

Meanwhile, Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen waited outside in her own "Holding Pattern," circling round 'N round with two Doggies, as my Airport Assistant gamely tried locating our unknown to us missing suitcase!

As the two Hoonds' Mary Ellen was traveling with were the epitome 'O "Mutt 'N Jeff;" Hya!  With the one she's Babysitting named Silk, is basically Marmaduke! And weighs 100lbs, with people constantly asking her if he's part Great Dane? For which Mary Ellen sez' she believes Silk's breed is actually American Field Labrador Retriever, for which I've never heard of before.

Whilst the other's been prominently featured on thou Award Winning pages 'O No Fenders. First as thou Pixolator, but now goes by Pixie-the-Wonderdog; WUF-WUF! As this precocious Chihuahua weighs in at a scale tipping 9lbs Soaking Wet! But I digress...

We elected to return the next day to pick up my suitcase, since Mary Ellen had errands to run in Fresno & didn't want to sit round waiting all day for a suitcase delivery - "Entertaining" Mwah. So that's how I started this ultimately wonderful Mad-Cap trip.

Frolicking in Fresno...
We spent Monday bopping round "Downtown" Fresno running errands before finally returning to the airport to retrieve my suitcase, since United Airlines thought the bag I'd paid $25.00 should spend the night in La-La Land; Oh Never Mind!

We then drove back to Fresno to our friends Jon & Elisa's house for a very enjoyable evening's dinner;
Where I also met Mary Ellen's longtime friend Susan for the first time.

Coolest part for Mwah is that Jon's a Car Dude! And has a Factory Five Cobra replicar he built in the garage.


After dinner, we gravitated out to the garage where Jon obligingly Started it up with the garage door opened, having previously warned me about how LOUD I-T IS! Before it immediately SNARLED to life, as he's running straight exhaust pipes off the side of car - underneath the doors in classic Cobra Racecar style: TURN I-T OFF!

IT'S TOO FREAKIN' L-O-U-D!

Next up was his Delorean, which he asked me if I wanted to sit in the driver's seat? Uh Duh, Dude! As I immediately moved toward the car's Gull-wing Door, with Jon warning me to watch my Noggin'

For which I immediately noted to Thyself how the Car's extremely low, and very tight fitting for Mwah. As I had my winter Hiking Boots on and promptly got 'em stuck underneath the pedals; Aye Karumba!

As John said it's a 5-speed and feel free to shift the gears. But I elected not to, since the pedal's, where's thou clutch? As my feet were still stuck behind the pedals... Got it, Which were so damn tiny! That I elected to refrain from doing this while enjoying my time behind the wheel.

But I just had to ask John into starting his Delorean for Mwah, since I'd never heard one before in real life. Which reluctantly fired after cranking a few times, since it had been sitting un-started awhile in a cold garage.

And unfortunately it was raining the whole day & night of our visit, so NO rides in either the Cobra or Delorean. Which I'd have opted for the latter, since I've never ridden in a "Movie Car;" Hya!

Jon's Daily Driver is a Fiat 500 Abarth turbo, which he also fired up for Mwah, outside. Along with telling me to run my hands over all three cars, before Jon blipped the Fiat's throttle several times for my amusement.

Returning inside, we watched John & Elisa's wedding video from the past Summer, along with John having Elisa drive the Cobra to the beach, also in the video, where he proposed.

GURR-REAT EVENING!

Back to The Future...
Returning Full Circle, figuratively, I broke down the first week of June to watch my first episode of Jay Leno's Garage TV Show this year, since when scrolling thru my Zapp2It TV Guide, I'd discovered that part of the June 7th episode titled One of A kind featured a Back to The Future Delorean replicar; so I had to watch; Err listen!

As Jay met some Nerdly "geek" at the famed Gable House in Pasadena, CA, which Leno casually says is the house featured in the movie. As I've got ZERO Clue who this other Chris Dude was?

And whilst I won't give away how they both felt about the Delorean's driving characteristics. I'm totally Blown Away learning that this car, replete with pieces of the original movie car is claimed to be worth $750k!

HOLY FLUX CAPACITORS MARTY MCFLY!


While Y'all can check out the video I've subsequently found on Ye Net, from the very same American Pickers episode I so labouriously chronicled previously, which kept my Delorean euphoria alight after sampling my first Stainless Steel wonder in Fresno...


(Photo c/o No Fenders Blogmeister' Miguel)