Sunday, December 26, 2021

A New Boxing Day Holidazes Tradition

As Hopefully the Red Baron Won’t you Know What to this No Fenders Post, ack Ack Ack!

 

“Everybody Knows A Turkey and some Missletoe

Helps to Keep the Season Bright!”

 

Although neither Snoopy or thou Red Baran will be taking Off today, since Thars actually a very rare arrival of Snow here in Ye Utter’ Florence, which is a rarity due to our proximity to Sea level Ho Ho Ho!


Guess it was just Mwah who initially thought that since Veteran’s Day was on a Thursday this year, that the following day was “Black Friday,” Righto?

 

As I spent All Day Friday (Nov 12th) thinking this since Cool FM, Eugene’s 99.1FM Radio Station which some of us can pick up sporadically on Ye Oregon Coast via Florence’s Transmitter had begun Thar Holiday Programming early this year…

 

since they’d begun Thar Gory Eight weeks or is it Thee Number Nine? No. 9 Numeral Nein? Nonstop 24/7 Nothing but Ack Ack Ack Christmas Songs Barrage thru New Years.

 

Although I sort of enjoy this since it’s the only time ‘O year Yuhs can Hear such Classics as John Lennon’s so this is Christmas, The Beach Boys ‘lil Saint Nick “run run Reindeer” song. Or I want A Hippopotamus for Christmas. Alvin and The Chipmunks, chuck Berry’s run run Rudolf, You’re A Mean One Mr. Grinch along with other various Classics like Bing Crosby and David Bowies Peace On Earth/Little Drummer Boy Duet et Al.

 

Not to mention I always hear some Vintage Christmas song I haven’t heard before. As last year I spent several weeks trying to figure out that it was The Carpenters singing Sleigh ride from their 1978 Album Christmas Portrait, but I digress.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLoOVmPxJo0


Since I did get a Smile on my face when hearing for the very first time ever this November The Ballad of Snoopy’s Yuletide Dogfight!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sh-J4GSPgAM

 

As the song is by The Royal Guardsmen, a Florida Rock Band who later became known as the “Snoopy Band!” As their Snoopy Christmas song was recorded in 1966. With the song reaching No. 2 on the billboard Hot 100 and was certified Gold in early ’67.

 

Funniest bit ‘O trivia is the Band recorded the song without Charles Schulz’s initial permission. So their record label Up North Eh! In Ye Great White North of Oh Kanaduh’ refused to release it due to potential legal issues Stateside with Messer Schulz.

 

So the Band put out a very blatant re-issue called Squeaky ant The Black Knight Up North Eh! Which also became popular in Ye Frozen Tundra before Schulz gave his permission for the song.

 

Hence, naturally I got a Wild Hair to “See” if I could find said Squeaky and The Black Knight Great White North “Import” version, for which I was super Surprised that it came up almost immediately, Ja Volt!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ioGBIKfKXWI

 

As They All lived to Fight Another Gory Day, Ho Ho Ho!

 

Since after All, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of The Year,” SPEW! Now, does anybody know where I can buy a Turkey? Or how Much this Damn Bird Weighs? Ho Ho Ho…

 

Happy boxing Day, Yall! 

Saturday, December 25, 2021

Happy Holley 4-barrel Holidazes, Y'all!

Groan, he's at it again. In what’s now become a yearly tradition here on No Fenders. Where your Humble Scribe Tomaso tortures Y’all with his witty repartee of his version of poetry  from a much overused theme, Hya!

 

As Merry Festimus' Y'all, from Ye Mystical Isle 'O Nofendersville, a Happy, Joyous, Contented piece 'O Wind Swept Barren Rock, Somewheres' on thou Oregonian Coast between Winchester Bay and Cape Perpetchua, R' Mateys!

 

Although it's another somewhat Blue, Blue Christmas, since unfortunately that Fine Kuhnaidiun' Lass Claire's No longer with us. Not to mention Ye Rhythm Professor, thou one ‘N only Neil Peart, or Sadly Pixie the Wonderdog, Wuf Wuf!

 

Betcha thought I was gonna Roll with 'Ol Elvis's Blue-Blue-Blue platter, Eh? But Claire would want something a 'lil more up-tempo like I Dunno, a ‘lil Ditty from Ye Muppets Me Thinks!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tk9wuADoxA

 

As  Y’all can See ‘N Hear Claire’s unique Zest for life on one of her past videos. As Claire also went by the “Handle” Panda, and I can only “guess” Ha Ha where her inspiration for this funny video came from…

 

httpss://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdMfGGJl9po

 

As may be it’s ye Eggnog? But I always think of my favourite Two Hosers this time ‘O year, Fa la la la la lah…

 

NO! Not thee Mayor 'O Hinchtown and thou Young Wicky! (Robert Wickens) Nor Scott "What Pace Car?" Goodyear & Jockess V, nee Jack Vanilla, aka Jacques Villeneuve. Nye Pat "The Carpenter" (Carpentier) Nor TAG', nee Alex Tagliani. Or our two Newest Hosers Dalton Kellett or Devlin DeFrancesco, but I digress…

 

Nope instead, per tipicali this time 'O year, those loveable KuhNucks Bob & Doug always come to mind, along with thar signature version of a certain Christmas song! And ah One, and Ah two Ladies ‘N Germs…

 

On the First Day 'O Carmania, 'Ol Carroll Shelby Growled loudly at Me;

Son, Thar better be Juan 'O my Darn Blasted Contraptions in your Pitiful Song!

 

On the Twelfth Day 'O Carmania, 'Ol shel Grumbled to Thee,

 

12 Long's Doughnuts

11 X Rows of Shiny Dallara's

10Speeding Ferrari's

Nine BOSS Mustangs

eight 'lil E No. 88 Diecast's

Seven Bars 'O Geddy Lee

 

Like Where’s My Thing Geddy? Hit it! And Ah-One and Ah-Two…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOj0eO3zCbc

 

Six Carling Black Labels'

Five Aston Martin DB5's'

four Borg Warner Trophies

three Diamantina Cocktails'

Two Saleen Mustangs

And a Bad Arse 289 FIA Shelby Cobra underneath thou Tree!

 

As this witty repartee from Thy Isle 'O Nofendersville was inspired by Bob & Doug McKenzie, for which they'd definitely say Take Off Eh! As this "Song's" Definitely Done, and that Labatts too Hoser!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DTwLqR071M

 

And to All who continue reading thy No fenders Blog, A Huge shout Out and Thanks!

 

Along with Everybody who Assists me over thoust Gory Year, i.e.; Blogmeister Miguel, Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary ellen, Claudio & Nelie, the Florentines Jonathan and Jeannie, Snowbyrd MJ and Randal thy No Fenders Moniker King, Carpets’, Artiste Dave and whomever I left Out

 

As ‘Ol Lawrence Welk would say Ah One, and Ah Two and Ah Very good Night! Felice Navidad and Merry Kringle! Since after all, It is the most wonderful, BARF! Oh put a Sock in It Andy Williams, Hya!

 

See Y'all early Nex Year, when “I Shall return” on January 10, 2022.

 

Arrivederci

Tomaso 

Friday, December 24, 2021

Merry Kringle (2021 edition)

‘Twas the day before Christmas, when through all of the paddocks.

Not a motor was idling, not even a single Cosworth “Lump” could be heard.


The garages were swept and tidied with care,
In hopes that Roger Penske soon would be there.

The mechanics were nestled all snug in their beds.
While visions of Championship bonuses danced in their heads.
(Not to mention HULIO dreaming of what might have been, if only he hadn't crashed over that 'Yump in Houston)

 

And “Princess” in her negligee, (Or was that her Cowboy Hat 'N swim suit?) Along with Paul Tracy in his crash bucket, had just settled down for a quick tryst in the sack.

 

(Hey! I hear that Dan-Dan-Danickers' now available, right Aaron? Likes guess that’s Not the Only fumble You’ve Made…)

 

When out on the lawn there arose such a racket, ‘ol PT sprang from the bed to see what “TAG, Suitcase Servia, Whiney Bags and Bad Bobby D’ were groaning about.

 

Away to the window Tracy flew like a demon. Ran over the back markers and punted the Hamburgular clear outta the way.

 

The smoke from between Sea Bass’s ears. Glistened like a smoke signal, without a glow. When, what to PT’s wandering eyes should appear but a Ferrari ENZO followed by an armada of Prancing Horses in tow.

 

The ENZO was piloted by an ex-Formula 1 driver, still brutally quick.
That Tracy knew in an instant it must be Michael Schumacher.

More rapid than a grid full of Bridgestone alternate “soft rubber tyre’ Formula 1 chassis in “Qualie Two” light fuel tanks mode. The seven times World Champion whistled and jeered, and called them by name;

 

Now, Mika now, Coulthard! Now, Rubinoe and Ralfanso!

On, Heinz-Harald! On Villeneuve! On Damion and Irvine!

 

To the front of the grid! To the head of the pack.

Now burn rubber, burn rubber baby, burn rubber quick!

 

As tyre tracks that leave ominous black streaks behind. While Herr Schumacher leaves another competitor further behind!

 

So up to the roof-top the Prancing Horses flew. With trunk loads of presents and Schuey too. And then, came a banshee wail of the ENZO, high atop the roof.

 

The revving and idling of each assorted Ferrari. As PT rubbed his hands. Down the chimney Schuey forlornly came. He was dressed all in Scuderia Red, from his head to his foot.

And his Nomex driver’s suit was all tarnished with ashes and soot.

 
an assortment of winning trophies, he’d stuffed into his back pack.

 

His eyes -- how they twinkled! His rosy cheeks, how they glowed.

His hair as always was perfect, (by Loreal…)

 

his jaw like a chisel! His lips clenched in a mischievous smirk. As the smile was reminiscent of a Cheshire cat.

 

The remains of a Cuban cigar hung limply from his teeth. As clouds of Smoke encircled Schuey's head like a wreath.

He had a taunt face and washboard abs. that still showed his youthful physique when he laughed at the dumbfounded PT. He was strong and fit as an ox, a festive and jolly elf.

 

Thus Paul could only laugh when he appeared

 

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head. Soon gave TRACY nothing to fear. As Schuey spoke nary a word, but went straight to his work. Filling all of the stockings with various racing trinkets. (Such as the 2002 Borg Warner Cup, a new three year contract signed by P.L. Newman & Carl Haas along with some of the Hamburgular’s secret winning sauce…)

 

Before Messer Chrome Horn could wipe away his astonishment, the famous German turned Quickly, laying his finger aside of his nose. And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.

 

He sprang to his idling ENZO, and to his waiting minions gave a whistle. And the screeching of tortured Ferrari lumps could be heard as they burst away like rocket ships! But ‘Ol PT heard Schumacher exclaim, as he power-slided out of sight,


"Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good-night."

 

Merry Kringle Y'all!

Tomaso

 

(Originally written by Tomaso – December, 2007; last modified on Dec 19, 2021) 

Wednesday, December 22, 2021

F1: Latifi Unfairly Hammered’

Is this really the way Sporting Fans want to Behave?

 

The News of Williams F1 Racing Driver Nicholas Latifi receiving Death Threats following the outcome of the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix  is utterly Disgusting, Really Disturbing to Mwah, and is totally Inexcusable!

 

Excluding NASCAR, which After All, Racin’s Rubbin’ is a Cherished term and totally acceptable form of motor racing, Sigh! Immediately I can only think of three instances in Open Wheel Racing that somewhat compare.

 

Arguably Renault’s Crash Gate, when Neilsen Ho’, aka Nelson Piquet Jr. Deliberately Crashed his Renault into the Barriers to enable F1 teammate Fredrico Suave’, nee Fernando Alonso to fortuitously inherit the lead from the unexpected Safety Car and go onto win the 2008 Singapore Grand Prix, when Renault desperately needed a win to buoy it’s flagging Formula 1 fortunes most closely “mimics” what Fans are Enraged over.

 

Otherwise I can only think of Robby gordon’s famous tossing out bits of his neck restraint to cause a yellow Flag in order to Pit, or the somewhat “Controversial” or conveniently fortuitous Spin/Stall of Bryan High Speed Hurdles’ Herta ensuring IndyCar teammate Marco Andretti’s Debutante IndyCar victory.

 

Yet in all three of those examples, the Drivers in Question were simply either trying to Help their respective teammates or themselves, and I’d like to remind Y’all that it makes absolutely Zero sense to think that Latifi had any Ulterior Motives, especially if we consider who supplys Team Willy’s Powertrain components, specifically it’s Mercedes Power Unit!

 

As I can only Applaud Latifi for having the “Hunger” to Not wish being passed by the lowly Haas of Mick Schumacher in the F1 Season Finale, or in general, which reportedly is what ultimately triggered Latifi’s unexpected Shunt into the Barriers at Yas Isle. For which Latifi did absolutely Nothing Wrong!

 

Somehow I Doubt this Repugnant Attitude has been voiced towards either of the Rookie Haas F1 Drivers who’ve arguably struggled with the worst Chassis on the Grid, either when Schumacher Junior or Nikita Mazepin have crashed and  caused Safety Cars to be Deployed. Although I’ll admit I’ve glombed onto the term  bantered about on Social Media calling him MazaSpin! Which obviously isn’t a term of endearment…

 

Yet as Sporting Fans or Society in General, making Death Threats from behind “The Curtain” of Anonymity are Zero percent Funny and should Absolutely Not be Tolerated! As I cannot scribble anything better than Racer’s Chris Medland wrote in his latest Opinion piece rightly Questioning What’s Wrong with Some people?

 

https://racer.com/2021/12/22/opinion-seriously-what-is-wrong-with-some-people/ 

Tuesday, December 21, 2021

Alex Zanardi goes Home

Which has to be the perfect Holiday gift!

 

Read the Great News that Alex Zanardi has finally gone Home after 18 months in Hospital. As his wife Daniela released the news to BMW’s website, for which I’ll let Racer’s Marshall Pruett do the Heavy lifting per usual. As the 55 year old Zanardi still has miles to go towards hopefully Full recovery…

 

https://racer.com/2021/12/20/zanardi-released-from-hospital-18-months-after-paracycling-crash/ 

Golden Tailpipe Awards: The 2021 Streamliner edition

    Yeah, it’s that time ‘O year again,. Yuhs know, Thee Most Wonderful time ‘O Spew! Uhm, when I subject Y’all to mor of my witty repartee from thoust Mystical Isle of Nofendersville with my End of Year Overall Winners selections, Mateys! Which Y'all can Compare 'N Contrast with last year's choices below.

 

This year I’m doing things a ‘lil BassAckwards, like are you surprised? Having done my Overall Choices before  doing my IndyCar and Formula 1 selections, which I know Y’all can hardly wait for Yuck Yuck Yuck! Can Yuhs Say 2022?

 

As Here goes Nothin', with another Bevy 'O totally Un-Scientific, Non-sensible, Zany Off Ye Cuff selections made below….


While Y’all can Compare ‘N contrast these choices with last year’s No Fenders selections in the following link.

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2021/12/the-un-golden-locked-down-golden_01175942209.html 


CATEGORIES

1. Driver of Year

Winner: Romain  Grosjean

So it’s simply amazing to Mwah how once can go from Hot Headed Tail ender Charlie Haas Formula 1 Pilote to whom Hands Down was my IndyCar rookie Of the Year (ROY) winner! As sorry Scott McLaughlin who won this Honour solely due to competing the entire season! And we won’t even bother with that other star rookie driver Jimmie Johnson…

 

Have to say it must have been the combination of how Romain so openly welcomed his change of scenery and totally embraced IndyCar’s, along with his amazing comeback story following his Great Balls ‘O Fire escape in Bahrain! Along with driving for the Minnowesqe Dale Coyne Alphabet Soup Brigade that simply made me smitten with the Frenchman’s rookie campaign in Indy Cars, as Yuhs just couldn’t escape the positivity Vibe’ that followed him the entire IndyCar season, leaving All other contendahs’ for this category feeling Stale, Blase and Contrite!


Other Choices

Surely All of the “Usual suspects” would typically apply, but like I just said above, and like Sinead O’Connor famously Crooned a long time ago, albeit over a different subject: “Nothing compares to You,” romain!

 

2. Story of Year

Winner: Bob Jenkins, Robin Miller and Uncle Bobby’

Sadly for Mwah, Thars No Bigger story of the year other than the Uber Unfortunate loss of Ye Curmudgeon ‘O

IndyCar’s ‘Ol r’, aka robin Miller! As this was one of the few “Voices” I sought out on a Daily basis via his wonderful work at Racer.com, where I logged onto every day multiple times to “See” what latest story or News Miller had written for us…

 

And for as large as a presence Miller was as a Journalist, I’m also very Sad over the Death of Bob Jenkins, who I always felt had to be the most Humblest person in Broadcasting! As I cannot say anything better than what Simon Pagenaud said about him when Bob first divulged his Brain Cancer. As the 2019 Indianapolis 500 winner said Hearing Jenkins voice at the Speedway was like a Hug! As you Always knew where you were whenever hearing Jenkins voice over the PA at Mother Speedway, where Bob just oozed passion every time I heard him talking to “Us” over the Indianapolis Motor Speedway’s speakers. Along  with feeling his love and appreciation for the Brickyard!

 

I suppose it’s symbiotic, karmic or Apropos that Robert William Unser, better known as Uncle bobby decided to take the Chequered flag this year at the Age of 87, appropriately during The Month of May! Since He and Miller were longtime Pals’, and I always think of Miller’s wonderful impersonation of Unser and that Hilarious Uncle bobby roast that Robin MC’ed in 2019. As I can hear bobby asking Miller did you bring Receipts wit Yuhs?

 

While we lost another icon of Motorsports golden Years with the passing of bob Bondurant, who along with being an accomplished racer, taught countless thousands of aspiring racers how to be better drivers.

 

And then, as I was beginning to Wrap-up this riveting No Fenders tome, word came of Uncle bobby’s younger brother Big Al’, nee Al Unser Sr’s passing on December 9th at the Age of 82 after a 17 year battle with Cancer.

 

As one of my earliest memories of beginning my current IndyCar infatuation is thy memory of Rootin’ for big Al to Beat his son Al Unser, Jr. at TamiAmi Park for the 1985 CART/PPG IndyCar championship. Which the senior Unser did by One point with a late race pass for fourth place!

 

https://racer.com/2021/12/11/pruett-the-understated-greatness-of-al-unser/

 

Honourable Mentions

Valentino Rossi, Kimi Raikkonen

Seems appropriate that two Giants of their respective sports, i.e.; the Creme de la Cr√®me  of Open Wheel Racing and Motorcycles would see the doctor and The Iceman both retire the same year.

 

3. Race of Year

Winner: Petit Le Mans

Not sure why this race Always get’s my Nod? But I’m guessin’ it’s got something to do with being the series final race where many IndyCar Drivers come along to “Play” one last time before year’s end? As once again the Overall win went down to nearly the wire. With Mazda ending it’s IMSA Prototypes racing in true Cinderella fashion! Whilst the Championship Battle was secured on the final corner of the Final lap!

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2021/11/another-petit-le-mans-closes-sports-car.html

 

Vice Champion: Abu Dhabi Grand Prix

Although you could say large swaths of this race weren’t that great, as Lewis Hamilton simply “launched” better off the start from second and into the lead and seemed destined to lead Flag-to-Flag. Yet his brief encounter with Checko’, nee Sergio Perez to regain the lead after his Pitstop was exciting! And then the World championship was thrown Upside down when ironically the Mercedes Customer propelled Team Willy’ car of Nicholas Latifit crashed mightly at race’s end, requiring a Safety Car. With second place Max Verstappen brilliantly pitting for new Soft Pirelli tyres and the controversial decision to wave the five lapped cars between Lewis and Max ahead, Hamilton was simply a Sitting Duck on 44-lap used Hard Pirelli compound rubber and Verstappen blitzed his way past on a final lap shootout to become F1 world champion!

 

Other Choices

Suppose only the Indianapolis 500 compares? With my other choices of Belle Isle Race-2, the Hungarian and Saudi Arabian Grands Prix All pailing in comparison, eh?

 

4. Sportsperson of Year

Winner: Alexis DeJoria

Initially thought of giving this Honour to Smoke’s Better Half Leah Pruett, but went another direction. Especially since  it was good to hear Alexis DeJoria’s name in the Winner’s Circle again! As Alexis hadn’t won a NHRA Nitro Funny Car race since claiming the U.S. Nationals Wayback in gory 2014, Aye Karumba! Yet Obviously, Thars plenty of deserving candidates for this category…

 

Other Choices

Leah Pruett, Britany Force, Erica Enders-Stevens and Angelle Sampey

 

5. Flatliner' of year

Winner: Tim Wilkerson

Luv’ the story of how Tim Wilkerson and His Crew picked up the racecar on Tuesday, put it together on Wednesday. Showed up at the track on Thursday and won the NHRA series “super Bowl” event the U.S. Nationals with only one Ford Mustang body left, the one they raced with! And then learning after the fact that it was Wilkerson’s first win in five Gory Years! Not to mention finally breaking thru after nine runner-up finishes…

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYim9V8xAmw

 

Honourable Mention

Greg Anderson

 

Greg Anderson who began by “tuning” his mentor “the Professor” Warren Johnson as Johnson’s Crew Chief to three NHRA Pro Stock Championships, Broke Johnson’s record tally of 97 Career Pro Stock wins this season en route to his fifth NHRA Pro Stock Championship! As Anderson finished the year on 99 wins, for which Johnson still will Not Congratulate Anderson for! While Greg will be “gunning” to become the first ever Pro Stock racer to capture the “Ton” mark, i.e.; 100 Pro Stock victories next year.

 

Other Choices

Ronald C. Capps, Cruz Pedrgon and Steve Torrence


For the Conclusion of this Golden Tailpipe  Awards Categories 6-9, i.e.; Rider of Year, Sports Car Drivers of Year, Freak of Year and Quip of Year, Please visit the following No Fenders link below…

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2021/12/golden-tailpipe-awards-2021-streamliner_0543638078.html 

Monday, December 20, 2021

Golden Tailpipe Awards: The 2021 Streamliner edition, Positions 6-9

Otay Kiddoes', it's that time 'O year again, when I cap off another long, meandering year's storytelling from thou Isle of Nofendersville with my Zany End of Year Overall Winners selections…

 

As Y’all know thou Drill here upon Ye Isle ‘O Nofendersville, where the Nights are long and the Days spent type-type-typing Away Way too Mucho on thoust Keyboard! Alas, Once again it’s another long form No Fenders multi-part prose for your consideration.

 

As Here goes Nothin', with another Bevy 'O totally Un-Scientific, Zany Off Ye Cuff selections made below…

 

CATEGORIES

Rider of The Year

Sports Car Driver of The Year

Freak of The Year

Quip of The Year

 

6. Rider of Year

Winner: Jorge Martin

This Rookie MotoGP Rider has done nothing but impress me this season, riding alongside his far more accomplished teammate Johann Zarco on the Satellite Pramac Racing Ducati, beginning with his excellent third place maiden MotoGP podium at Doha, after starting on a Shock Pole position in only his second ever MotoGP race!

 

But I’m even more impressed over how He responded after his Wicked Practice Crash at Portimao, where He suffered fractures to his Hand and Foot, along with concussion! But He recovered brilliantly to claim his Debutante MotoGP victory at Spielberg along with another podium en route to Rookie Of the year Honours…

 

Other Choices

Tnea Bastianini, Johann Zarco, Joan Mir, Francesco Bagnaia and Fabio Quartararo

 

7. Sports Car Drivers of Year

Winners: Felipe Nasr & Pipo Derani, Ross gunn & Roman DeAngelis

Very Happy that finally Pipo Derani got the “Job done!” As Pipo’s an exceptionally Quick Driver but has a pretty Hot “Latin” temper! While Felipe Nasr is totally deserving of his second Prototypes Championship and I’d really like to see him get a shot in Indy Cars. So if the rumours are correct about his going to Penske’s forthcoming Porsche Sports Car team, who knows?

 

Gotta give the Saloons’ nod to my Homeboyz’ Heart of Racing, since it’ll Always be Team Seattle for Mwah. As the familiar #23, albeit an Aston Martin Vantage now not only won the GT Daytona Sprint Cup with Bad Arses Ross Gunn and roman DeAngelis, but they along with endurance Specialist and Team leader Ian James won Thar Class at this year’s Petit Le Mans!

 

8. Freak of Year

Winner: Maverick Vinales

How could I almost forget about Maverick “Top gun” vinales ultimate Meltdown in Austria! Where Maverick deliberately tried Blowing Up his Yamahopper’s engine by purposely trying to Over-rev it’s engine! As Vinales went from MotoGP winner at the Yamaha Factory Team at season’s beginning to irrevocably “Torching” His relationship with the Japanese Manufacturer! For which All I can speculate was due to his being outperformed by teammate and eventual World Champion Fabio Quartararo, ci? As will Maverick ever win a MotoGP race riding for Aprilia?

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2021/08/moto-gp-sounds-of-yamahas-rev-limiter.html

 

Runner-Up: Jorge Martin

Yeah, these ultimate Road Racing Knee-draggers’ are simply Amazing Athletes, when they’re Not Melting Down! As once again, another Rider goes Down, Breaks Bones and returns El Pronto! And comes back with a vengeance to claim his maiden MotoGP victory!

 

Runner Up Vice Champion: James Hinchcliffe

Originally was gonna give Thee Mayor ‘O Hinchtown the title All Alone. As will never know what James truly did to injure Himself Offseason, and the Kuhnuck’ basically refuses to talk about it! Although Racer’s Marshall Pruett has eluded that Hinch’ massively “Tweaked” his left leg prior to the beginning of the year and spent the majority of the IndyCar season Not being able to apply as much Braking pressure as the rest of the field was.

 

As All I can keep thinking is that Hinchcliffe possibly “Slipped On A Tennis Ball!” A la Juan Pablo Montoya claimed during his Formula 1 Days, albeit I tend to recall it was a “Dirt biking” (Motorcycle) Accident instead…

 

So did Hinch’ do something “Naughty” during the IndyCar Offseason? As I “Demoted” him (and Jorge Martin) to Vice Champion Runner Up status, since with the long planned ascension of Devlin DeFrancesco to IndyCar’s and specifically at Andretti Autosport, I’m now left pondering if James Always had just a One year Deal anyways?

 

9. Quip of Year

Winner: “It’s Called A Motor Race!”

Those were the Words FIA Race Steward Michael Masi Famously retorted when Mercedes Team Principal Toto Wolff was Screaming at Him “Mikey,” That’s Not Right! As Herr Wolff was Howling Madly over the outcome of Lewis Hamilton being Blitzed by Max Verstappen on fresh, Soft Pirelli rubber on an unexpected final lap Shootout at Abu Dhabi…

 

Second Place: “We’re A Nice Group, And Of Course I Paid”

Was trying to look up Jorge Martin’s Rookie MotoGP season for my Freak ‘O Year category considerations. And stumbled upon the News of the Spaniard taking his Pramac Racing Team to Punta Cana for a Holiday, after  Having  promised taking the team if He scored a podium during his rookie campaign. As Martin not only did so, but won his maiden MotoGP race at Spielberg, and dually Picked Up the Tab!

 

https://new.in-24.com/sport/News/326919.html

 

Third Place: ”I Hope He has A Merry off Season and A Happy Christmas!”

 

Yeah, think I was Desperate that weekend, when presumably Thar was No IndyCar, F1 or MotoGP race to watch? So I found myself tuning into Ye “Dark Side” and caught the tail end of a Roundy Round Taxicab Bombers Race yeehaw!

 

Refreshing to hear a driver speaking his mind, which Chase Elliot did following the conclusion of the Charlotte Roval Playoff race regarding his Feud with Kevin Harvick. When asked about Harvick not making the Playoff “cut,” Elliot said: “I hope He has a Merry off Season and A Happy Christmas!” As Thar Ain’t No love loss there, Eh! And I highly doubt they’ll be exchanging Christmas Cards this December, Ho Ho Ho!

 

As that's a Wrap for the Year Kiddee's, as it's been Ah, Uhm? Oh Yeah, Ah blast! As see Yuhs All next year…

 

Arrivederci

Tomaso 

Saturday, December 18, 2021

The “Un-Golden Locked Down” Golden Tailpipe Awards: 2020 Streamliner edition

Or may be they should be Brown, Black ‘N blue or Bronze instead?  And Nah, No What Can Brown do for You Jokes Here, Hya!

 

Otay Race Fans, Sorry for the Delay, and may be Nobody Cares, Eh? But thought I’d finally release this vintage Yarn that’s been trapped in thoust Cellars on Ye Isle ‘O Nofendersville awhile Mateys’, which Y’all can compare ‘N contrast vs. Thy 2019 No Fenders vintage in the link below.

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2019/12/golden-tailpipe-awards-2019-streamliner.html

 

As Here goes Nothin', with another Bevy 'O totally Un-Scientific, Sentimentally Biased selections made below.

 

Although I must confess that I’d only come up with a few names before the Google Doomsday Machine made the Wide World ‘O E-E-E lectrics’ a total Nightmare for Mwah, Thanks Blooger! Not to mention being in COVID 19 Lockdown forever. Running Thy Trusty ‘Ol winDOUGHS 7 Puter’ for a further eight months before finally Arse-simulating to thoust Wacky World ‘O winDOUGHS 10 and a Bevy of Putrid, Crappy updated cough cough! Zoomtext 2020/Zoomtext Fusion 2021 Screen Readers, ACK!

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2020/11/no-fenders-remains-stuck-in-limbo.html

 

CATEGORIES

1. Driver of Year

Winner: Takuma Sato

Yeah I know, this one might be a Head Scratcher for Y’all? And I Luv’ed For The Love of Indy’s Raymond Hando’s Quip about “Mailing It In!” Although that was for the previous Holiday…

 

But this is my blog After All and “I’m the Decider!” And Yes, I’m making the choice off of one lousy ‘lil Oval race. Especially since it was at the first ever Empty Mother Speedway. But I just loved the fact that even though Scotty Ye iceman 2.0’ Dixon was the Odds On Favourite and led two-thirds or more of the race, Takuma Sato Never Gave Up and won his second Borg Warner trophy after starting from third, which I think is his career best Indy 500 start?

 

Other Choices

The Usual Suspects, i.e.; Scott Dixon, Lewis Hamilton, Josef Newgarden, Max Verstappen Blah Blah Blah…

 

2. Story of Year

Winner: Bahrain Grand Prix “Great Balls ‘O Fire!”

Don’t even think I need try explaining this El Correctomundo! As we All know about that most Horrifying Shunt Romain Grosjean endured in Bahrain! When his Haas F1 car Speared the Armco Barrier, Split it in Two, Caught On Fire in an Mega’ Crash and then being Trapped in the ensuing fireball for nearly 30 Freakin’ seconds! For which All I can say is Thankfully Romain Dug into his Inner reserves, Extricated Himself and miraculously Walked Away!

 

Other Choices

Although in a totally different vain, as Sinead O’Connor  sings fabulously on her Biggest Hit Song, Nothing Compares to You, Romain!

 

3. Race of Year

Winner: Petit Le Mans

Another typical IMSA Donnybrook event. As there were multiple collisions and mechanical maladies with the different Class leaders. Like Dane Cameron aboard the #6 Team Penske/Acura colliding with the #77 Mazda of Oliver Jarvis, Not Clark who John Hindhaugh always calls him. Or the Masterclass passes put on at the daunting Downhill 135-140mph corner, which Alexander Rossi did aboard the Penske Acura DPi!

 

Whilst it’s always somewhat amazing how an IMSA 10 hour race can go down to the last 10mins and the two leading Daytona Prototypes collide, with Ricky Taylor trying to overtake Pico Deranti, causing them to both spin off track with Deranti’s #31 Whelen Engineering Cadillac getting the worst of it!

 

As Renger Van der Zande following the duo in the Wayne Taylor Racing Cadillac Zoom-Zoomed thru the carnage, barely avoiding Ricky Taylor’s Team Penske Acura’s Bowling Ball to win the race which finished under a Full course Yellow Flag; Uhm, Just Sayin’ IndyCar!

 

Other Choices

Sure Thars Ah-Plenty’, including the Usual suspects, i.e.; Indy 500, etc. But I cannot remember anymore…

 

4. Sportsperson of Year

Winner: Gracie Trotter

Typically I’d say that Erica Enders-Stevens, a Four-times NHRA Pro Stock Champion who Doesn’t get even close to the Attenzione She rightly Deserves! Could be my yearly “Penciled-in” choice. Yet this year I went with a totally unknown Femme Fatale Driver I’d never heard of before her interview on Speed Freaks. As the 19 year old Teenager Gracie Trotter in only her eighth ARCA Stock Car start made History by becoming the first Female winner in ARCA and Stock Car History!

 

https://www.speedfreaks.tv/gracie-trotter-on-gender-racing-best-in-the-west-whataburger/

 

Other Choices

Erica Enders-Stevens, Britany force and All the Other NHRA le Femmes…

 

5. Flatliner' of year

Winner: Ron Caps

As my original scribbled note says it All: Gator Nationals "Spin 'N Win", which I believe Ronald C. Capps, now a Two-times NHRA Funny Car champion said it was a real ‘Ol School Pedal-fest! For which once again, if the link below works? I’ll let The Freaks do the Heavy lifting instead…

 

https://www.speedfreaks.tv/ron-capps-on-blowing-up-real-good-older-wiser/

 

Other Choices

Antron Brown and J.R. Todd are Always Favourites of Mine!


For the Conclusion of this riveting Golden Tailpipe  Awards Categories 6-9, i.e.; Rider of Year, Sports Car Drivers of Year, Freak of Year and Quip of Year, Please visit the following No Fenders link below…

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2021/12/the-un-golden-locked-down-golden.html

Friday, December 17, 2021

The “Un-Golden Locked Down” Golden Tailpipe Awards: 2020 Streamliner edition, Positions 6-9

Uhm, they’ve probably turned Bronze or whatever colour they Tarnish to in All of the constant Rain, Fog, Humidity and Salt Spray on Ye Isle ‘O Nofendersville Mateys!

 

Arse-sumedly I’d probably receive the Marshall Pruett Golden Bowlinng Ball Award for longest Winded “Short” Blog Posts; Since Marshall recently Humourously Chided a (Racer) Mailbagger’s email for being too Wordy,Weighing in at 500 words Yuck Yuck Yuck! Ergo why I’ve split another lengthy No Fenders tome into Two part Harmony, Err two parts, as here goes Selections P6 thru 9; No. 9, Number Nine, Numeral Nein Ja Volt!

 

CATEGORIES

Rider of The Year

Sports Car Driver of The Year

Freak of The Year

Quip of The Year

 

6. Rider of Year

Winner: Joan Mir

Twenty-Twenty’ was the season that it seemed Nobody wanted to win the MotoGP Championship! With nine defferent winners and five Debutante MotoGP race winners including eventual Champion Joan Mir! Although Mir’s Suzuki teammate Alex Rins on occasion is faster, Rins is Crash prone while Mirs is always the modle of consistency, with seven podiums as an example in 2020.

 

And although the Suzuki isn’t the fastest in a straight-line, i.e.; Ducati, the Suzuki seems to have the fastest cornering speed. With Mir winning his maiden MotoGP victory at Home in the European Grand Prix at Valencia, then clinched the title the following week in the season’s penultimate event also at Valencia, becoming Suzuki’s first Champion since Kenny Roberts, Jr. in 2000! Along with Mir being the first Non Honda/Yamaha Champion since Casey Stoner won for Ducati in ’07.

 

Other Choices

Franco Morbidelli, Alex Rins, Francesco Bagnaia and Uhm?

 

7. Sports Car Drivers of Year

Winners: Ryan Briscoe & Renger Van der Zande; Kamui Kobayashi and Mario Farnbacher

Long time No Fenders readers will know I’ve been a Fan of Ryan Briscoe’s for nearly a Decade now, ever since He was so Nice to Mwah at Mother Speedway. Thus I was super happy when Briscoe and regular season Co-Driver Renger Van der Zande, along with that Crazy Fast Cat I fondly call K-Squared’, aka Kamui Kobayashi and some Dude named Scott Dixon began the year in fine fashion by winning the Rolex 24. Then Van der Zande Blitzed past the Whirling Derbish Ricky Taylor to claim victory at Petit Le Mans! Although unfortunately they finished runner-up’s Overall to Taylor and Hulio’, aka Helio Castroneves for the IMSA (DPi) Prototypes title, Sigh…

 

Also have been a Huge Fan of Mario Farnbacher ever since he was one Bad Arse “gunslinger” for my Homeboyz’ Team Seattle aboard Alex Job Racing’s iconic #23 Porsche 911. And the fact that SuperMario’ (Farnbacher) won his second consecutive GTD (Daytona) Championship for Meyer Shank Racing’s (MSR)

Acura NSX made this an easy choice! Although Mario’s Co-Driver Matt McMurray definitely deserves a Shout Out…

 

Other Choices

Sure Thars Ah-Plenty, but Yuhs know Ye Drill, that was a Gory Year ago!

 

8. Freak of Year

Winner: Romain Grosjean

Uh Duh! Like Does this even need explaining? If so see the corresponding Story Of year category!

 

Runner Up

Winner: Francesco Bagnaia

Hopefully by the time I wrap up scribblin' this? Pecco' will have finally, rightfully won his Debutante MotoGP race. And I'm quite happy knowing that Ducati Corse wisely signed him to become a Factory Rider in 2021.

 

See, it’s a good thingy’ it only took me a Gory year to scribble this, Hya! Since Bagnaia not only won his maiden MotoGP race in 2021, but a total of three Grands Prix en route to finishing runner-up Overall to Fabio Quartararo on his Factory Ducati…

 

Yet Bagnaia garnered this year's award for simply coming back three weeks after Breaking his Leg, climbing aboard his Satellite Duc' and riding his Pramac Racing’s Ducati Desmosedici GP20 to runner-up behind fellow Countryman Franco Morbidelli, who won his maiden MotoGP race on Home Soil at Italy's San Marino Misano racetrack! Seeing Italian riders take a 1-2 finish with Spain’s Mir P3.

 

9. Quip of Year

Winner: Martin BillyBob’ Brundle

”Black Tea, A Splash of Milk, One Sugar Stirred Clockwise!”

 

As this was what Martin Billybob’ Brundle, presumably a reference only your No Fenders Scribe still remembers? For which the Bloody Brit was Anointed with when contesting the IROC Series back in it’s Good ‘Ol Dazes, when he won a round at Cleveland’s Burke Lakefront circuit, but I digress…

 

As Brundle was apparently trying to either put some levity, or more likely keep us awake over the Dull Procession the Bahrain Grand Prix had become after they’d finally managed to settle down ‘N just go racing. Whilst Kroftie’, nee David Kroft tittered on ‘N on ‘bout how long they’d been in the Commentary Booth, 2hrs and 42mins, Blah Blah Blah

 

As this was the very same Gory Bahrain Grand Prix which had begun with Romain Grosjean’s Haas becoming a Roman Candle, which Thankfully Grosjean Walked Away from!

 

Brundle ripped off his best James Bond impersonation (above) whilst Kroftie’ guffawed over Simon Lazenby, who’d begun as a “Runner” and couldn’t even get acknowledged for bringing a “Proper Cup ‘O Tea,” Hya!

 

Runner Up

“Winner: Lewis Hamilton

 

 

”Tastes like Toe Jam!”

 

As this was the unlikely Quip from thou lips ‘O Golden Child’, aka Lewis Hamilton after deciding to join Daniel Ricciardo in his customary Shoei’ after the Aussie’ had scored his first Podium of the year, finishing third at the Eiffel Grand Prix at Germany’s Nurburgring circuit.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLD1E_-hgO4

 

Honourable Mention

As much as I Despise him as a Lead Announcer, for which I feel Kevin Lee’s still totally Not the Right Choice for Indy Cars! As his Screechy, Over the Top  Oh No Mr. Bill! Faux Enthusiasm which sounds like He’s trying to Pull a Muscle is just plain Nerve-racking for Mwah! Ergo why I call him the Wherewolf!

 

Nevertheless, he did come up with one good Quip when “Anchoring” an IMSA Sports Car race, which I’m fairly certain was last year’s Petit Le Mans, when He told Colour Commentator A.J. Allmendinger, “Your Cutting into Hinch’s’ “Drive Time!” When Allmendinger wouldn’t leave the Booth to hand over his duties to Thee Mayor ‘O Hinchtown’, aka James Hinchcliffe.

 

As that's a Wrap for this long awaited 2020 season recap Kiddoes’, as it's been Ah, Uhm? Oh Yeah, Ah blast! Since after All, It’s the Most Wonderful, Queue the Scratched record sounds, Hya!

 

Arrivederci

Tomaso