Friday, December 17, 2021

The “Un-Golden Locked Down” Golden Tailpipe Awards: 2020 Streamliner edition, Positions 6-9

Uhm, they’ve probably turned Bronze or whatever colour they Tarnish to in All of the constant Rain, Fog, Humidity and Salt Spray on Ye Isle ‘O Nofendersville Mateys!


Arse-sumedly I’d probably receive the Marshall Pruett Golden Bowlinng Ball Award for longest Winded “Short” Blog Posts; Since Marshall recently Humourously Chided a (Racer) Mailbagger’s email for being too Wordy,Weighing in at 500 words Yuck Yuck Yuck! Ergo why I’ve split another lengthy No Fenders tome into Two part Harmony, Err two parts, as here goes Selections P6 thru 9; No. 9, Number Nine, Numeral Nein Ja Volt!



Rider of The Year

Sports Car Driver of The Year

Freak of The Year

Quip of The Year


6. Rider of Year

Winner: Joan Mir

Twenty-Twenty’ was the season that it seemed Nobody wanted to win the MotoGP Championship! With nine defferent winners and five Debutante MotoGP race winners including eventual Champion Joan Mir! Although Mir’s Suzuki teammate Alex Rins on occasion is faster, Rins is Crash prone while Mirs is always the modle of consistency, with seven podiums as an example in 2020.


And although the Suzuki isn’t the fastest in a straight-line, i.e.; Ducati, the Suzuki seems to have the fastest cornering speed. With Mir winning his maiden MotoGP victory at Home in the European Grand Prix at Valencia, then clinched the title the following week in the season’s penultimate event also at Valencia, becoming Suzuki’s first Champion since Kenny Roberts, Jr. in 2000! Along with Mir being the first Non Honda/Yamaha Champion since Casey Stoner won for Ducati in ’07.


Other Choices

Franco Morbidelli, Alex Rins, Francesco Bagnaia and Uhm?


7. Sports Car Drivers of Year

Winners: Ryan Briscoe & Renger Van der Zande; Kamui Kobayashi and Mario Farnbacher

Long time No Fenders readers will know I’ve been a Fan of Ryan Briscoe’s for nearly a Decade now, ever since He was so Nice to Mwah at Mother Speedway. Thus I was super happy when Briscoe and regular season Co-Driver Renger Van der Zande, along with that Crazy Fast Cat I fondly call K-Squared’, aka Kamui Kobayashi and some Dude named Scott Dixon began the year in fine fashion by winning the Rolex 24. Then Van der Zande Blitzed past the Whirling Derbish Ricky Taylor to claim victory at Petit Le Mans! Although unfortunately they finished runner-up’s Overall to Taylor and Hulio’, aka Helio Castroneves for the IMSA (DPi) Prototypes title, Sigh…


Also have been a Huge Fan of Mario Farnbacher ever since he was one Bad Arse “gunslinger” for my Homeboyz’ Team Seattle aboard Alex Job Racing’s iconic #23 Porsche 911. And the fact that SuperMario’ (Farnbacher) won his second consecutive GTD (Daytona) Championship for Meyer Shank Racing’s (MSR)

Acura NSX made this an easy choice! Although Mario’s Co-Driver Matt McMurray definitely deserves a Shout Out…


Other Choices

Sure Thars Ah-Plenty, but Yuhs know Ye Drill, that was a Gory Year ago!


8. Freak of Year

Winner: Romain Grosjean

Uh Duh! Like Does this even need explaining? If so see the corresponding Story Of year category!


Runner Up

Winner: Francesco Bagnaia

Hopefully by the time I wrap up scribblin' this? Pecco' will have finally, rightfully won his Debutante MotoGP race. And I'm quite happy knowing that Ducati Corse wisely signed him to become a Factory Rider in 2021.


See, it’s a good thingy’ it only took me a Gory year to scribble this, Hya! Since Bagnaia not only won his maiden MotoGP race in 2021, but a total of three Grands Prix en route to finishing runner-up Overall to Fabio Quartararo on his Factory Ducati…


Yet Bagnaia garnered this year's award for simply coming back three weeks after Breaking his Leg, climbing aboard his Satellite Duc' and riding his Pramac Racing’s Ducati Desmosedici GP20 to runner-up behind fellow Countryman Franco Morbidelli, who won his maiden MotoGP race on Home Soil at Italy's San Marino Misano racetrack! Seeing Italian riders take a 1-2 finish with Spain’s Mir P3.


9. Quip of Year

Winner: Martin BillyBob’ Brundle

”Black Tea, A Splash of Milk, One Sugar Stirred Clockwise!”


As this was what Martin Billybob’ Brundle, presumably a reference only your No Fenders Scribe still remembers? For which the Bloody Brit was Anointed with when contesting the IROC Series back in it’s Good ‘Ol Dazes, when he won a round at Cleveland’s Burke Lakefront circuit, but I digress…


As Brundle was apparently trying to either put some levity, or more likely keep us awake over the Dull Procession the Bahrain Grand Prix had become after they’d finally managed to settle down ‘N just go racing. Whilst Kroftie’, nee David Kroft tittered on ‘N on ‘bout how long they’d been in the Commentary Booth, 2hrs and 42mins, Blah Blah Blah


As this was the very same Gory Bahrain Grand Prix which had begun with Romain Grosjean’s Haas becoming a Roman Candle, which Thankfully Grosjean Walked Away from!


Brundle ripped off his best James Bond impersonation (above) whilst Kroftie’ guffawed over Simon Lazenby, who’d begun as a “Runner” and couldn’t even get acknowledged for bringing a “Proper Cup ‘O Tea,” Hya!


Runner Up

“Winner: Lewis Hamilton



”Tastes like Toe Jam!”


As this was the unlikely Quip from thou lips ‘O Golden Child’, aka Lewis Hamilton after deciding to join Daniel Ricciardo in his customary Shoei’ after the Aussie’ had scored his first Podium of the year, finishing third at the Eiffel Grand Prix at Germany’s Nurburgring circuit.


Honourable Mention

As much as I Despise him as a Lead Announcer, for which I feel Kevin Lee’s still totally Not the Right Choice for Indy Cars! As his Screechy, Over the Top  Oh No Mr. Bill! Faux Enthusiasm which sounds like He’s trying to Pull a Muscle is just plain Nerve-racking for Mwah! Ergo why I call him the Wherewolf!


Nevertheless, he did come up with one good Quip when “Anchoring” an IMSA Sports Car race, which I’m fairly certain was last year’s Petit Le Mans, when He told Colour Commentator A.J. Allmendinger, “Your Cutting into Hinch’s’ “Drive Time!” When Allmendinger wouldn’t leave the Booth to hand over his duties to Thee Mayor ‘O Hinchtown’, aka James Hinchcliffe.


As that's a Wrap for this long awaited 2020 season recap Kiddoes’, as it's been Ah, Uhm? Oh Yeah, Ah blast! Since after All, It’s the Most Wonderful, Queue the Scratched record sounds, Hya!