Monday, December 20, 2021

Golden Tailpipe Awards: The 2021 Streamliner edition, Positions 6-9

Otay Kiddoes', it's that time 'O year again, when I cap off another long, meandering year's storytelling from thou Isle of Nofendersville with my Zany End of Year Overall Winners selections…


As Y’all know thou Drill here upon Ye Isle ‘O Nofendersville, where the Nights are long and the Days spent type-type-typing Away Way too Mucho on thoust Keyboard! Alas, Once again it’s another long form No Fenders multi-part prose for your consideration.


As Here goes Nothin', with another Bevy 'O totally Un-Scientific, Zany Off Ye Cuff selections made below…



Rider of The Year

Sports Car Driver of The Year

Freak of The Year

Quip of The Year


6. Rider of Year

Winner: Jorge Martin

This Rookie MotoGP Rider has done nothing but impress me this season, riding alongside his far more accomplished teammate Johann Zarco on the Satellite Pramac Racing Ducati, beginning with his excellent third place maiden MotoGP podium at Doha, after starting on a Shock Pole position in only his second ever MotoGP race!


But I’m even more impressed over how He responded after his Wicked Practice Crash at Portimao, where He suffered fractures to his Hand and Foot, along with concussion! But He recovered brilliantly to claim his Debutante MotoGP victory at Spielberg along with another podium en route to Rookie Of the year Honours…


Other Choices

Tnea Bastianini, Johann Zarco, Joan Mir, Francesco Bagnaia and Fabio Quartararo


7. Sports Car Drivers of Year

Winners: Felipe Nasr & Pipo Derani, Ross gunn & Roman DeAngelis

Very Happy that finally Pipo Derani got the “Job done!” As Pipo’s an exceptionally Quick Driver but has a pretty Hot “Latin” temper! While Felipe Nasr is totally deserving of his second Prototypes Championship and I’d really like to see him get a shot in Indy Cars. So if the rumours are correct about his going to Penske’s forthcoming Porsche Sports Car team, who knows?


Gotta give the Saloons’ nod to my Homeboyz’ Heart of Racing, since it’ll Always be Team Seattle for Mwah. As the familiar #23, albeit an Aston Martin Vantage now not only won the GT Daytona Sprint Cup with Bad Arses Ross Gunn and roman DeAngelis, but they along with endurance Specialist and Team leader Ian James won Thar Class at this year’s Petit Le Mans!


8. Freak of Year

Winner: Maverick Vinales

How could I almost forget about Maverick “Top gun” vinales ultimate Meltdown in Austria! Where Maverick deliberately tried Blowing Up his Yamahopper’s engine by purposely trying to Over-rev it’s engine! As Vinales went from MotoGP winner at the Yamaha Factory Team at season’s beginning to irrevocably “Torching” His relationship with the Japanese Manufacturer! For which All I can speculate was due to his being outperformed by teammate and eventual World Champion Fabio Quartararo, ci? As will Maverick ever win a MotoGP race riding for Aprilia?


Runner-Up: Jorge Martin

Yeah, these ultimate Road Racing Knee-draggers’ are simply Amazing Athletes, when they’re Not Melting Down! As once again, another Rider goes Down, Breaks Bones and returns El Pronto! And comes back with a vengeance to claim his maiden MotoGP victory!


Runner Up Vice Champion: James Hinchcliffe

Originally was gonna give Thee Mayor ‘O Hinchtown the title All Alone. As will never know what James truly did to injure Himself Offseason, and the Kuhnuck’ basically refuses to talk about it! Although Racer’s Marshall Pruett has eluded that Hinch’ massively “Tweaked” his left leg prior to the beginning of the year and spent the majority of the IndyCar season Not being able to apply as much Braking pressure as the rest of the field was.


As All I can keep thinking is that Hinchcliffe possibly “Slipped On A Tennis Ball!” A la Juan Pablo Montoya claimed during his Formula 1 Days, albeit I tend to recall it was a “Dirt biking” (Motorcycle) Accident instead…


So did Hinch’ do something “Naughty” during the IndyCar Offseason? As I “Demoted” him (and Jorge Martin) to Vice Champion Runner Up status, since with the long planned ascension of Devlin DeFrancesco to IndyCar’s and specifically at Andretti Autosport, I’m now left pondering if James Always had just a One year Deal anyways?


9. Quip of Year

Winner: “It’s Called A Motor Race!”

Those were the Words FIA Race Steward Michael Masi Famously retorted when Mercedes Team Principal Toto Wolff was Screaming at Him “Mikey,” That’s Not Right! As Herr Wolff was Howling Madly over the outcome of Lewis Hamilton being Blitzed by Max Verstappen on fresh, Soft Pirelli rubber on an unexpected final lap Shootout at Abu Dhabi…


Second Place: “We’re A Nice Group, And Of Course I Paid”

Was trying to look up Jorge Martin’s Rookie MotoGP season for my Freak ‘O Year category considerations. And stumbled upon the News of the Spaniard taking his Pramac Racing Team to Punta Cana for a Holiday, after  Having  promised taking the team if He scored a podium during his rookie campaign. As Martin not only did so, but won his maiden MotoGP race at Spielberg, and dually Picked Up the Tab!


Third Place: ”I Hope He has A Merry off Season and A Happy Christmas!”


Yeah, think I was Desperate that weekend, when presumably Thar was No IndyCar, F1 or MotoGP race to watch? So I found myself tuning into Ye “Dark Side” and caught the tail end of a Roundy Round Taxicab Bombers Race yeehaw!


Refreshing to hear a driver speaking his mind, which Chase Elliot did following the conclusion of the Charlotte Roval Playoff race regarding his Feud with Kevin Harvick. When asked about Harvick not making the Playoff “cut,” Elliot said: “I hope He has a Merry off Season and A Happy Christmas!” As Thar Ain’t No love loss there, Eh! And I highly doubt they’ll be exchanging Christmas Cards this December, Ho Ho Ho!


As that's a Wrap for the Year Kiddee's, as it's been Ah, Uhm? Oh Yeah, Ah blast! As see Yuhs All next year…