The 2024 Formula 1 Golden Tailpipe Awards edition, Positions 6-10

And Max takes it by a Nose. Somebody give me a Cheeseburger!

 

Time for another mesmerizing No Fenders zany Awards story. Especially since I haven’t done one of these in some 24 months. But with All of the Sir Lewis mania sweeping Italy right now…

 

CATEGORIES 6-10

6. Most Impressive Driver of The Year

Winner: Nico Hulkenberg

Suppose what stands out to me about thee Incredible Hulk’, nee Nico Hulkenberg was His ability to wring the neck out of His Haas VF-24 consistently, and always sniffing round the top ten during qualifying and race finishes.

 

As Nico finished a very respectable 11th in the Drivers standings, scoring 41 of Haas’s tally of 58 points!

 

Hulkenberg had either nine or ten Top 10 finishes, since I cannot tell if He retired or finished seventh in one round? With a best being a pair of sixth place finishes in the Austrian and British Grands Prix.

 

7. Most Improved Driver of the Year

Winner: Yuki Tsunoda

The Japanese driver scored the bulk of Racing Bulls 46 points. Claiming 30 points enroute to 12th in the overall standings with Tsnoda’s best being a treble of seventh place finishes. And while Yuki easily outperformed RB teammate Daniel Ricciardo. Ultimately He didn’t do enough to keep Liam Lawson from claiming the coveted, second Red Bull Racing Hot-seat alongside F1 World Champion Max Verstappen.

 

8. Most Disappointing Driver of the Year

Winner: Sergio Perez

What can I scribble about either of these drivers, that hasn’t already been said? As I gave the nod to Checo’ simply due to His being in superior machinery, even if the Red Bull RB20 was a diabolical handful to drive this season.

 

As it was just plain outright sad to see Sergio struggling so mightily! With numerous, self inflicted crashes and spins hastening His exidous from Formula 1…

 

Runner-up: Daniel Ricciardo

Conversly, the same argument cood be made for DannyRic’, aka Daniel ricciardo’s demise from Formula 1. As the affable Aussie’ was trying to do enough to promote Himself into Perez’s seat for 2025. Yet like checo’, Ricciardo also struggled Ah-Mighty’ at the team F1 Sherpa Claudio coined as the little bulls, aka Racing Bulls or RB. Since I detest that Visa Cash App nomenclature!

 

Yet DannyRic’ simply failed to live up to His promise. Being dropped in somewhat bizarre circumstances. After setting the Fastest lap at Singapore, before simply being replaced by young turk’ Liam Lawson. Whom ironically gave the man He ultimately replaces the No. 1 salute during Checo’s Home race!

 

9. Personality of Year

Winner: Max Verstappen

As the now Four-times consecutive F1 World Champion garnered another new nickname from Mwah this season. Calling Him Max Blunderhead’, in regards to His fiendish Dick Dastardly driving antics at Mexico City! To the sublime drive in the rain at Sao Paolo. Whilst Maximum Hothead’s never at a loss for words!

 

From threatening to put Bosom Buddy George Russell on His F-KING’, careful Max! Yuhs know how swearing’s not allowed by the FIA, Tisk-Tisk!

 

http://www.nofenders.net/2024/09/f1-max-tells-fia-to-bugger-off.html

 

To the brilliant one-liner about if His Mum had Balls She’d be His Dad…

 

10. Rookie of The Year

Winner: Oliver Bearman

Yeah, I know most would say it should be Williams Franco Colapinto, since the Argentinian driver was also sensational. Yet for Mwah, Oliver Bearman’s performance at Jeddah electrified me! Especially with the then 18yr old’s sudden, unexpected call-up to deputize for Carlos Sainz in the Saudia Arabian Grand Prix.

 

As Sainz needed to have an emergency Appendectomy, with Bearman replacing Him just hours before qualifying. With the British rookie qualifying P11 and finishing a fine seventh place, which was All I cared about during the race! With Bearman becoming Ferrari’s youngest ever driver.

 

Bearman than substituted for Kevin Magnussen at Haas a further two races. The first being at Azerbaijan, after the Dane’ had to serve a one race ban. With Bearman finishing tenth, becoming the first driver in Formula 1 history to score points for two different teams in back-to-back races…

 

Oliver raced again for a sick Magnussen at Sao Paolo, but struggled in the wet conditions. Including ironically, netting a ten second penalty for a collision with Colapinto. Ultimately finishing P12.

 

As Bearman will now make His full season debut for Haas, while Colapinto’s currently Alpine’s test and reserve driver… 

The Tomaso Files: Everything but “Thee Plane, Thee Plane Boss!”

“Wild ‘n Crazy” Tomaso driving across the Olympic Peninsula! (The Tomaso Collection)

 

As the late Rodney King said: “Can’t we All just Get Along?”

 

Yeah, I realize this is another long winded No Fenders story. Which is intended to highlight just some of the difficulties of being Blind and traveling alone. For which I couldn’t complete without the countless good Samaritans who take pity on me!

 

Whilst it would run well into double digit pages if I detailed everything, like how no two single bathrooms are alike! Not to mention trying to figure out if they’re occupied while walking to/from my seat on a moving train! And where’s the electrical sensor to open the train’s car doors, etc. All aboard…

 

As typical, I awoke Uber’ early in order to be prepared to start the day’s Mega’ long journey!

 

The local taxi, with the company’s amiable owner Josh knocked on my door promptly @8:30AM meaning I was almost an hour early for the Shuttle Bus, Aye Karumba!

 

After waiting patiently forever, the Shuttle Bus, a super loud Diesel affair sat loudly idling across the road from the Bus Stop. As I struggled to get there in-time. As the Jerkwad’ Bus driver lamely bellowed out Eugene? When He saw me struggling to catch the bus. Even though I was wearing my Eugene Amtrak sign, Sheisa!

 

As it’s a custom cardboard sign that Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen made for me. With the word Eugene spelled out in large black  letters, fashioned out of electrical tape. With the world Amtrak Station in black marker below it. Which I wear around my neck like a Blind man selling pencils!

 

As this has to be the most humiliating portion of the trip for Mwah! Especially since I shouldn’t be required to “stoop” so low for a government funded service! Although naturally, it’s been outsourced to a private contractor…

 

But thanks to two good Samaritans, I made the first of two connections, with the second person even putting down the jump seat for Mwah! Before listening to two women and one elderly man talking Spanish much of our trip, which has such a pleasing tonal quality to it! Before the Bus driver bellowed No eating food on the bus at them…

 

As little did I know one of these Mexican women would come to my aid unprompted at Eugene, where the bus trip dead ends! Since the Bus driver just sat on His lazy lard Arse , before saying what I’ve never wanted to hear in person!

 

Telling them He didn’t speak their language, only English! Which immediately made me cringe upon hearing this…

 

As I’d been waiting patiently for everyone to exit the bus first, with these three passengers going last before I stood up. With the elderly man dropping His phone or something, which I clearly heard. Hey, Blind people have super powers, comprened?

 

Waiting patiently for Him to retrieve whatever He’d dropped and then exit. Before I knew it, the woman came back onto the bus and said train, Ci? Taking my suitcase before helping me down the bus’s four stairs. As the bus driver just sat there the whole time, before snarkily saying Choo-Choo? Take Him with you to Choo-Choo. Treating Her like She was a Child, Yuck!

 

She simply took my arm and walked me inside to the train station counter, pulling my suitcase along without saying a further word before disappearing. After I quickly said Gracias to Her, since Her totally unsolicited help was simply Freakin’ Amazing!

 

Next Harly, the Eugene Station Agent checked my bag and said He’d assist me onto the train when it arrived, after first escorting me to the men’s bathroom. Telling me it was not arriving until 1:20PM – almost one hour late. As the train would ultimately be 75mins late arriving, which is pretty good coming from LA.

 

Harley walked me outside as promised and assisted me All the way to my seat. Before the woman I’d heard behind me in line saying Tacoma sat down next to me.

 

Naturally we got stuck between Portland and Vancouver, WA for one hour due to a Freight train delay. As this is supposed to only be 18mins duration. Although All freight train traffic has priority, Choo-Choo!

 

We finally arrived in Tacoma @8PM, approx. 90mins late. Where fortunately Mary Ellen was waiting for me on the platform, since the train conductor failed to assist me exiting the train. Whilst Hang 10’ Hilo was ecstatic as typical to see me when I got inside our awaiting chariot to be whisked away to the day’s final destination.

 

After having a great lunch outing with Thy No Fenders Moniker King Randal and His lovely wife Ginnette. We packed our belongings and made the first of multiple trips across the Puget Sound aboard the Washington State ferry’s. (WSF) With our destination being thee ‘Ol Apple Orchard on Vashon Island.

 

Taking another Ferryboat off island, we proceeded north to what the locals call PA’, aka Port Angeles for a very enjoyable Labour Day weekend’s get-away at Dave & Patricia’s.

 

Road in Dave’s; Dave, Dave’s Not Here, Oh Never Mind! Vintage 1974 VW Camper Van again. As Patricia wanted to go for a “Moonlight Drive”. With my taking so long getting ready, Dave turned off His Bus.

 

Mary Ellen cheekily said that the Bus had gone into silent electric mode when I finally came out to get aboard. Before Dave restarted the air cooled four cylinder (petrol) Bus and we trundled over the lumpy “pasture” Before their dog Odie jumped out when stopping somewhere. With Dave giving chase to Odie, who’d thought it was great fun playing “chase”. As we rumbled thru his fields appropriately with The Doors Light My Fire playing loudly, which seemed totally Apropos! And sounded great on Dave’s Killer sound system!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cq8k-ZbsXDI

 

 

 

Following breakfast on our day’s final outing in PA’. Thanks to Patricia’s insistence, I did the unthinkable. I drove their riding lawnmower, which was the Highlight of the entire trip!

 

It was the first “vehicle” of any kind I’d driven in at least ten years I’m guessing? Since I’d totally forgotten the last vehicle I’d driven was a golf cart in Arizona, during 18 holes of golf when I chauffeured Artiste Dave…

 

The “other” Dave served as my “Sighted Guide” running alongside Mwah, telling me which way to steer the lawnmower which He’s removed the brakes from! Having me turn right, then left; now straighten Her out. As I mosied around in low gear over the lumpy pasture. And nope, I didn’t make any crop circles, Hya!

 

Then it was rinse, lather and repeat. With another two Ferryboat trips, including one being delayed some 30-plus minutes for the rescue boat getting stranded retrieving a crew person or something? Before it was time to reluctantly go home, Sigh!

 

As the six hours train ride home was it’s typical cacophony ‘O noises. Ranging from the young girl besides me who talked loud, had tantrums and sang the entire trip! Along with the Young Turk’, ErrMillenium having a meltdown over Amtrak being late. And vocally telling the entire car how they’d better refund His $17 for missing work, Say What?

 

And then Oh Goodie, guess who was driving the Shuttle Bus, Honk-Honk! Yeah, I’m 98% certain it was that same, horrible lead Arse’. Since I got to hear all about what foods He’d be eating on His upcoming vacation to Iowa and Chicago… 

No IndyCar racing, No Problem!

As IMSA, MotoGP and Formula 1 aren’t Afraid to race when Football’s being played…

 

Who needs IndyCar during it’s El Stupidio 289 days Winter Slumber, Eh? When there’s a triumvirate of other motorsports series to pay Attenzione too! And that doesn’t even include the RASSCAR’ Playoffs, Gulp!

 

So much for the IndyCar Offseason, Eh? Which started off ominously for Rahal Letterman Lanigan Racing, when the FBI paid a visit to their Zionsville race shop to investigate an alleged Intellectual Property (IP) rights dispute with a former Andretti Global employee on September 18th.

 

Having tune-in late to the day’s first race being the MotoGP Emilia Romagna GP, where I caught just the last three-plus laps. I was busy type-type-typing away on thoust keyboard when I said Oh shit!

 

Uhm, good thing we’re not monitored by the FIA here upon thoust Isle ‘O Nofendersville, Righto Max?

 

AnyHoo, I realized that I was missing the IMSA Battle On the Bricks race that was currently underway…

 

Tuning into IMSA Radio around 10:30AM Pacific, le Hamburgular’, aka Sealmeister B’, nee Sebastien Bourdais was leading the race in the #01 Chip Ganassi Racing Cadillac. Although the field was running behind the safety car. As apparently there had been a long caution period for inclement weather, including a heavy downpour that left standing water on-track.

 

As I’d timed it perfectly, with the safety car’s lights being turned off, indicating going green next time round.

 

And although I listened to the majority of the final four hours, other than flitting about my Bungalow by the Sea. Along with taking a break for lunch, there simply was way too mucho nonstop action to try rehashing it all. Like three Ferrari 296 GT3’s Hitting each other!

 

As several cars took turns leading, with the #01 cycling back to the lead.

 

Yet as the weather changed and the sun came out, it became obvious that it would now become a chess match regarding when to switch over to slick tyres would be tantamount.

 

While I’ve also never heard of a whole gaggle of cars, being the top eight LMP2 runners All being penalized a drive-thru penalty for not restarting the race properly, Say What?

 

Or the bizarre dead-stick reboot on the front straight by the championship points leading No. 7 Penske Porsche 963. When apparently Felipe Nasr was instructed to pull over and recycle the Porsche’s electronics to try correcting a power steering issue. With Nasr’s sudden stop almost seeing Louie Deletraz in the WTR Andretti Acura ARC-06 crash into the unexpected, stranded Porsche! Which Deletraz missed, but I wondered what His Heart rate must have jumped too?

 

Yet it was all to no avail, as the reboot didn’t cure the Porsche’s power steering issues, with the #7 ultimately finishing ninth.

 

Oh yeah, totally forgot to mention how fun it was listening to Romain Grosjean dragging His Lamborghini SP63 by the scruff of its neck from P5. All the way into the lead, after giving Mathieu Jaminet a “Love-tap” when passing for the lead! As it was the very first time ever that Lamborghini had led an IMSA Sports Car race, which Romain conceded was partially due to the wet weather conditions.

 

As it was funny hearing a joyful Grosjean being interviewed by Shea Adam in pitlane, unaware that one of His teammates, Matteo Cairoli had just been given a Drive-thru penalty. Which according to David Land was for Lamborghini having too many people over the wall during their pitstop.

 

Whilst later on, the Lambo’ wouldn’t fare so well, when tangling with the Proton Competition’s “Double Nickel” No. 55 ford Mustang GT3. As Andrea Caldarelli broke the right rear suspension during the collision, and the No. 63’s day was over. While sadly, late in the race, the bright blue #55 Mustang trundled to it’s garage, retiring due to the damage inflicted by Caldarelli…

 

But it was Philipp Eng in the #24 BMW M8 Hybrid who made the pass of the day in Turn 13 with 47mins remaining, which is not known for being a passing area on Mother Speedway’s 2.439 mile 14-turn permanent road course. For which both Lead Announcer John Hindhaugh and Jeremey Shaw were totally amazed by! Which would be the race’s winning pass.

 

As Hindhaugh mentioned at races end how it had been a stellar week for BMW. First finishing runner-up in the FIA World Endurance Championship’s (WEC) Six Hours of Fuji race. And then triumph at Mother Speedway.

 

As the win was the BMW M8 Hybrid’s first on-track victory, after they’d been given the 2023 Watkins Glen six hours W’ after Porsche Penske Motorsports was Disqualified in Post-race Tech for having worn down it’s skid plate beyond minimum limits.

 

According to Shea Adam in pitlane at race’s end. Not only was the No. 24 victorious, but it was the first time that the No. 24 had seen the chequered flag or won a race! After interview Jesse Krohn, winning co-driver, who said He’d now won in every BMW racecar He’d driven during His eleven years partnership.

 

With David Land also noting that the No. 24 hadn’t won in any IMSA competition since 2021…

 

Even sweeter for BMW M Team RLL was that the No. 24 led it’s Seester’ No. 25 home in a 1-2 sweep! With Jaminet in the No. 6 Porsche Penske Motorsport Porsche 963 third. Prior to it’s Post-race tech violation…

 

And that was before the day’s racing nightcap, being the encore presentation of the Singapore Grand Prix. Which I have to say was totally anti-climatic.

 

As Lando Norris put a total beatdown on the field leading wire-to-wire, and at one point holding a 24 second lead over runner-up Max Verstappen! While Norris’s teammate Oscar Piastri was a distant third.

 

Although I found it funny how before the race I actually kind of wanted Verstappen to win, just so He could tell the FIA it was still Number One!

 

Although Sky sports lead Pundit Kroftie’ (David Kroft) apologized  for some Salty language from Lando Norris in the “Green” Cooldown room prior to the podium celebrations… 

F1: Max tells the FIA to Bugger Off!

Oh Max, you’ve been a Naughty boy, Again!

 

Originally I wasn’t planning to scribble anything about this, especially since it gives Formula 1 more Attenzione! Since in the grand scheme of things, I find it overly banal…

 

Although I have never been a Fan of Max Verstappen, who I initially nicknamed Maximus Hothead! I have always enjoyed His straightforwardness, and pulling no punches when giving His opinion.

 

Unless you’ve been hiding under a Fucking Rock, now Tomaso Shame-shame-Shame! Then Y’all know about Verstappen having been censured over the Singapore Grand Prix weekend for telling reporters His Red bull chassis was FUCKED! During the Thursday press conference.

 

This followed on the heels of the FIA President Mohammed Ben Sulayem having asked the FOM, (Formula One Management) the commercial rights holders of Formula 1 to crack down upon the F1 drivers use of profanity, specifically the F-word. Primarily over In-car radio transmissions. And that the F1 drivers weren’t Wrappers and shouldn’t act like them.

 

Naturally this immediately provoked sir Lewis Hamilton to rightly point out that Ben Sulayem was using a racial stereotype! As Hamilton and Ben Sulayem aren’t on the best of terms. Most notably dating back to Jewelry Gate. Not to mention skipping the 2021 FIA Awards Banquet following the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix. Which I don’t think either Toto Wolff or Hamiton were “sanctioned” over…

 

Whilst my most cherished memory of Formula 1 drivers pointing out the absurdity of B.S’s, Hmm, irony or pun intended? Ben Sulayem’s insignificant actions is ‘lil syd viddle’, aka four-times F1 World Champion Sebastian Vettel wearing His boxers on the outside of His Firesuit during (underwear) Undie Gate!

 

Racer’s Chris Medland points out the double standard of the FIA’s action when noting that both Ferrari and Mercedes Team bosses Frederic Vasseur and Toto Wolff dropped the F-Bomb in FIA press conferences during the Las Vegas GP last November. Both were only giving a warning for use of foul language. Yet Max wasn’t given a warning and instead immediately sanctions!

 

Meanwhile, Alexander Wurz, the president of the GPDA (Grand Prix Drivers Association) is even more succinct. Pragmatically noting how many lifelong Community service sentences should former Haas F1 Team Boss Herr Gunther’, aka Gunther Steiner serve for His profanity laden tirades on the hugely successful Real Housewives of F1, Err Netflix Drive to survive series? For which He was quickly idolized for

 

As sorry Ben Sulayem! You cannot have your cake and eat it too! Since the sport’s popularity is riding high upon the use of colourful language! And the spicier the better, being what many of us tune in for…

 

All of which makes me think of Racer’s Marshall Pruett’s comments about Will Power and how He rues the day He leaves IndyCar. Noting the lack of Driver personalities who aren’t Robots! And actually have unique, enjoyable, authentic and genuine personalities. And most importantly aren’t afraid to speak their minds, or show their feelings!

 

Since one of Will Power’s most famous exploits was being fined $30,000 for (rightly) being caught on live TV giving race control the Double Bird! For throwing the Green Flag moments before a massive Downpour erupted at Loudon, New Hampshire’s Oval track, resulting in a crash! And then chief steward Brian Barnhart subsequently apologizing for going green…

 

While I didn’t catch what naughty word Lando Norris said in the “Green” Cooldown room before the podium celebrations at the Singapore GP. But did hear Kroftie’, aka David Kroft – Sky Sports F1 Presenter apologizing for the use of “Salty” language. But wouldn’t Yuhs know it. Norris has failed to be censured or given a day’s worth of Community service for His transgression, and “So it Goes”…

 

And this doesn’t even include the Andretti Global 11th Formula 1 team fiasco! For which reputedly the FIA is now quietly paying monetary damages to Hitech for it’s failed formula 1 Constructor application. Hmm, could this be part of an elabourate Smoke Screen at Max’s expense?

 

Or is it simply another case of Mohammed just wanting to see His name in the media, which reportedly He’s keen of doing, no matter what for.

 

As is this really what you want your legacy as FIA President to be remembered for, Mohammed Ben Sulayem?