Sunday, December 22, 2019

The 2019 Formula 1 Golden Tailpipe Awards edition

The long forgotten Caterham CT01, which hopefully will fare far better over time than this year's No Fenders Golden Tailpipe Awards. (Image source:
Watch out Kiddies', they're Back! It's time for another rousing rendition 'O No Fenders Hard Workin' Scribe Tomaso's personal choices for the Formula 1 lads...

Another Season Done 'N Dusted, albeit just barely. Being only the fourth time in F1 History to finish in thou month 'O December, as some Uppity Up' joins the likes 'O three other F1 Pilotes' as December Grands Prix Winners.

With Bruce McLaren winning the (Inaugural) 1959 United States Grand Prix on December 12th at Sebring. Graham Hill, winner of the 1962 South African Grand Prix on Dec 29th and Jim Clark won the following year's South African GP on Dec 28th; But I Digress...

And per Tipicali, thoust following selections are just what initially comes Percolatin' to thoust Surface without any Heavy Deliberations, since wasn't it 'Ol Golden Child',, nee Lewis Hamilton who once famously Quipped:

Wake Up, turn on the Telie' and watch Michael Schumacher lead from Pole,
Go back to Bed. Take a Nap, Wake Up to watch the end and See Michael Schumacher Win another Race!

Whilst not sure how many F1 races I fell asleep during this year Myself? Or was it Ye Eggnog; Hya! While Y'all can compare this year's No Fenders Winners 'N Losers vs. last year's mesmerizing selections in the following No Fenders tome'

2019 F1 World Champion: Lewis Hamilton, UK; Mercedes
2019 Constructors Champion: Mercedes AMG Petronas F1 Team
2019 Monaco Grand Prix: Lewis Hamilton

1. Driver of The Year
Winner: Max Verstappen
Gory Hell! Did I really pick 'Ol Maximus Hothead? Egads! As my first choice was Alexander Albon, but he's a Rookie. Next I was thinking of Charles Leclerc, but grudgingly gave thou nod to Max Verstappen.

As the Niederlander' won this year's two most exciting races of the season, which I missed both of. Along with making his Boss Deeter Majestik' very happy on Red Bull's Home-track. Not to mention Max was always a threat for the podium in arguably the third fastest chassis on the grid.

Other Choices
Charles Leclerc, Alexander albon and the other Usual Suspects

2. Biggest Disappointments of The Year
Ferrari's Drivers Mismanagement/Verstappen's Cheat claim
While I'm All for Teams letting Thar Drivers Race, which should be normal practice. I grew increasingly annoyed over how la Scuderia, and ultimately Mattia Binotto kept Screwing around with their Drivers, which seemed to end up costing them wins!

As how many times did Ferrari Throw Chuck LuhCluck', aka Charles Leclerc underneath thou proverbial Bus, in hopes of getting 'lil Syd Viddle to the front of the queue; SHEISA! Especially since Leclerc Out qualified and Outperformed Vettel! As it was the first time in five years since Seb's had his team-mate finish ahead of him in the Points Standings.

And I totally believe that Charles is Faster than you Vettel! So why is the Monegasque always having to apologize for the pair's collisions?

Meanwhile, Max Verstappen continued making Friends by pronouncing that Ferrari was Cheating with its engine's Fuel Flow management system in order to gain a Horsepower Advantage on the Straights. All of which caused great consternation for the Prancing Horse and apparently it's Chief Boss (CEO) Louis Camilleri Ain't very Happy with Max right now!

3. Race of The Year
Winner: German Grand Prix
Although I'm torn between the two races at Interlaagos and Hockenheim, which unfortunately I missed watching both! And Y'all can argue a case for either one, with probably Sao Paolo grabbing P1. I'm giving the nod to this year's German Grand Prix since sadly, it'll be Germany's last Grands Prix for the unforeseen future. Which is just plain wrong, especially since thou mighty Silver Arrows, nee Mercedes has been undefeatable during the Hybrid Power Unit era; Ja Volt!

Other Choices
Brazil, Austin, Spa/Monza?

4. Most Improved Team of the Year
Winner: McLaren
While McLaren and Zachery Brown are making All the Wrong Noises Across thou Puddle in Indy Cars right now. Nonetheless, Woking continued marching in the right direction in Formula 1 this year. Hmm, CoInky-dense the team improved without Thee GURR-Reat Fernando as one of its Drivers?

As Rookie Lando Norris certainly seems a very promising future F1 Star, albeit I'm sure Carlos Sainz, Jr. would have Somme-thun' to say 'bout that, Righto?

Nevertheless, this Young Guns Duo Dragged the Beguiled Customer Renault concern ahead of le Reggie's Works F1 Team for "Best Of the Rest," i.e.; P4 in the vaunted Formula 1 Constructors Championship.

5. Most Improved Driver of the Year
Winner: Carlos Sainz, Jr.
Although cannot say I'm a Fan of the Spaniard racer, and typically don't pay much Attenzione to his weekly travails. Nonetheless, Sainz rocketed to sixth Overall in this year's F1 Points Standings as "Best Of the Rest." Finishing behind only Mercedes, Ferrari and Red Bull's Pilotes', and scored nearly twice as many points with 96 vs. his team-mate Lando's 49, who finished P11 Overall.

6. Most Disappointing Team of the Year
Winner: Scuderia Ferrari
Obviously, Snap! The easiest choice would be Team Willy', nee Williams, but that's a non-starter for Mwah. Whilst I'd have to rank Haas, Racing Point and perhaps? Alfa Romeo behind Williams.

But instead, I'm selecting la Scuderia mostly for the reason above regarding it's Mega Bungling 'O Drivers Finishing Orders. Not to mention why did it take a half season to sort out Thar supposedly superior SF90 Chassis? Or is Thar Somme-thun' behind All of the Fuel Flow saga? Not to mention, I fear that Ferrari will fail to improve itself next year.

7. Most Disappointing Driver of the Year
Winner: Romain Grosjean
Whilst I've got nothing personal against the Frenchman, he just seems to have a knack for driving really Badly, making lots of Stupid Mistakes and always playing Argie-Bargie' with someone, especially keeping his team-mate Kevin Bacon' Magnussen always on his radar!

And it's just plain weird that Haas elected to keep him over thou far superior Nico Hulkenberg...

8. Most Impressive Driver of The Year
Winner: Charles Leclerc
The 22yr old Monegasque continued his meteoric rise in Formula 1 with his Debutante F1 Campaign in Scarlet Overalls, and proved he's Bloody Quick! Ultimately scoring seven Pole positions, including Four in-a-row, which was last done at Ferrari by some Dude named Michael Schumacher!

Leclerc definitely should have won his maiden Grands Prix at Bahrain, but was robbed by mechanical malfunction. And then was roughed-up by his Bosom buddy Maximus Hothead', nee Max Verstappen at Austria.

But Charles Broke his Duck at the Mighty Spa Francorchamps, where that Schumacher Chap also scored his maiden Grands Prix W', coInky-dense? And then won again at la Scuderia's Homeland, nee Monza, sending the Tiafosi home Delirious with Joy.

As Leclerc was One of Only Five F1 Drivers claiming victory this season, and genuinely seems to be along with Verstappen, able to give Hamilton true grief On track consistently!

9. Personality of Year
Winner: Robert Kubica
Although I toyed with Alexander albon's names for this originally, when reading the category's title once again, Poland's Only Formula 1 Driver, whom I coined Thee Krakow Kid' a longtime ago, seemed the natural choice for this.

Although Kubica arguably had a miserable season, the fault truly lies with the Horribly Woeful Williams FW42 chassis! And you've simply got to marvel at Robert's tenacity to return to an F1 Cockpit after an eight years layoff, especially since he was basically driving the entire season One-handed!

10. Rookie of The Year
Winner: Alexander Albon
For Mwah, this is a No Brainer! Which makes it slightly troubling that he was Snubbed by Europe in favour of Lando Norris, Huh?

As Albon's had the far tougher path I'd say getting to Formula 1, albeit he finished third overall in the 2018 FIA Formula 2 Championship before graduating to the "lowly" Scuderia Toro Rosso Mid-pack runners this year.

Then as we All know, especially 'Ol Monsieur Gasley, Alexander got promoted to Thee B-I-G BULLZ', nee Red Bull Racing after the Mid-season break, where I'd say he's done a very good job. Even better than Pierre Gasley, who strangely finished one place ahead in the F1 Drivers Points Standings after Thar Seat Swap.

As the Forgotten "Frenchman" finished seventh, with 95 points vs. Albon's tally of 92 points for P8 Overall, as he fell behind both Gassley and Sainz at the final round on Yas Isle.