Thursday, December 19, 2019

The 2019 IndyCar Golden Tailpipe Awards edition




One of 'Ol superTexs', nee Anthony Joseph Foyt, Jr's better, more successful Winning Racecars. (Source: Bing.com Images)
Tuh-Duh Ladies 'N Germs', it's that time 'O year again, when your Humble No Fenders Scribe Tomaso rolls out his Uber UN-Scientific choices for the traditional Year's End melee...

Another Year, and Another Swipe at what just comes to Thy Mind nearly 90 Gory Days after the end of another IndyCar season.

As the following selections are just what initially comes Percolatin' to thoust Surface without any Heavy Deliberations, especially now that the seal's been broken upon Ye Eggnog's Fortifying elixir!

Whilst Y'all can compare this year's No Fenders Winners 'N Losers vs. last year's mesmerizing selections in the following No Fenders tome'


WINNERS
2019 IndyCar Champion: Josef Newgarden,USA; Team Penske
2019 Indy 500: Simon Pagenaud, France; Team Penske
2019 Rookie Of the Year: Felix Rosenqvist, Sweden; Chip Ganassi Racing

CATEGORIES
1. Driver of The Year
Winner: Simon Pagenaud
Yeah, the obvious choices would most likely be Josef Newgardn or Scott Dixon, Righto? Whilst Alexander Rossi would rank up Thar once again, but he seemed to falter down the stretch. Which I suppose you could say Dixon did also, but he was penalized by multiple mechanical failures.

As I'm giving the nod to one of my past favourite IndyCar Drivers, especially for his scintillating Month 'O May, where he put on that epic drive in the rain to win the Indy GP. Then cemented his future tenure with Team Penske by winning that spirited Duel at Mother Speedway vs. Rossi!

And although I never felt like Symone' was truly a Contendah' for this year's NTT IndyCar Series Championship, he did ultimately finish runner-up to Team Penske team-mate Newgarden with three wins, and finally began showing us his past Championship Winning form.

Other Choices
Josef Newgardn, Scott Dixon and Alexander Rossi

2. Biggest Disappointment of The Year
SPAM's', nee Arrow McLaren SP's Firing, Err Dismissal of Thee Mayor 'O Hinchtown, aka James Hinchcliffe. Since although I realize this is the Harsher Side of modern day Motorsports. Nonetheless, the way the team Strung Along Hinch' was Tacky to say the least! As One of the few remaining IndyCar Bloggers recently mentioned. What's the Difference between Sam Schmidt and John Barnes? Mobility! YOUCH!


3. Races of The Year
Oval Track Winner: Gateway
Every year, the obvious choice for this is Mother Speedway, but that's too easy. And instead, largely because Thee Racing Gods appropriately Smiled upon Taku-san', who'd been savagely crucified for doing nothing wrong the week before at Pocono. It was an absolute Delight to G-O Bonkers over Takuma Sato's well timed victory at Gateway!


Other Choices
Indianapolis, Texas Motor Speedway?

Twisties' Track Winner: Indy GP
They say Rain is the Great Equalizer, for which this year's Indy GP appeared headed for being another Team Penske Snoozer! But Thanxs to Good 'Ol Mother Nature, we got what has to be the best ever IndyCar race on Mother Speedway's Infield Road Course.

As I suddenly found Thyself Yelling at thou Telescreen for Symone' to get that Dixon! As Simon Pagenaud's prowess in the wet made this into argubaly the Best Road Course/Street Circuit event of the year.

As I'll throw Road America and Long Beach into the mix, since surely you'd have enjoyed them if you're a Rossi Fan, Righto? While I didn't get to watch the Mid Ohio race which had a pretty good Intra Squad Scrum between Uhm, almost said Target; Err Chip Ganassi Racing Boys...

Other Choices
Toronto, Mid Ohio, Road America or Long Beach?

4. Most Improved Team of the Year
Winner: Harding Steinbrenner Racing
Although I cannot stand the Slobbering LUV-Fest that Thee NBC Sports Booth Boyz lavish upon him! And Y'all would have to say how much of Harding Steinbrenner Racing's (HSR) improvement is solely down to its Driver? Versus the Mega Support Doled Out upon it via its Technical Alliance, YeeHaw, that's Duh Ticket! With Mikey A's concern?

As it certainly helped having an Andretti Autosport employee as Colton Herta's Race Engineer, not to mention Double A' Dampers; Err Shock Absorbers, not to mention what else HSR got in the way of being an Andretti Satellite Squad, Eh? But it sure was an impressive turn-around vs. it's previous IndyCar campaigns.

5. Most Disappointing Team of the Year
Winner: Arrow Schmidt Peterson Motorsports
Tend to recall Thar was lotso' Fanfare, Pomp 'N Circumstance during the first Arrow Brand Makeover 'bout expecting to become the 4th Pillar of the soon to be Big Four IndyCar Teams, Righto? Chirp-Chirp, Bueller?

As I had to look up where Arrow SPM finished. Uhm, that's right, IndyCar doesn't do Teams Standings a la Formula 1. But Hinchcliffe finished a mediocre 12th, with a best finish of third at Iowa. And Swedish Rookie and ex-F1 Pilote Marcus Ericsson finished P17.

Throw-in the curious decision to have Thee Mayor test all four Arrow SPM-linked Dallara/Hondre' chassis at thou Brickyard, seeing them struggle for speed. Along with the team's subsequent Machiavellian Dealings with Engine Supplier and current Drivers, and this is a Slam Dunk choice, eh!

6. Most Improved Driver of the Year
Winner: Marco Andretti
As this is one of the harder categories for me to make a choice for, since I'd have given it to Jack Bloody Nige! Harvey, but wanted to give it to a Fulltime Driver instead. Alas, I chose Marco since although not brilliant, he had a quiet season, kept his nose clean and didn't have 'Ol PT' claiming he should may be think 'bout becoming an Uber Driver this year.

7. Most Disappointing Driver of the Year
Winner: Ryan Hunter-Reay
Originally this was a Toss Up between Graham Rahal and Ryan Hunter-Reay, since so much expectation was placed upon both Driver's Shoulders, albeit seemed liked 'Ol Son of Stash, nee Rahal Junior was touted more in Pre-season.

As both drivers had to witness their team-mates claim two wins apiece, while they grew more 'n more frustrated over their results. But Hunter-Reay gets the nod after his Boneheaded Antics at Portland, which I previously briefly noted  following this year's Grand Prix of Portland.

And then back to Yellow on Lap-14 for Ryan Hunter-Reay's Brain-fade against his Andretti Autosport team-mate Alexander Rossi; WTF? As I thoroughly enjoyed the part about Jack "Bloody Nige!" Harvey Clapping Sarcastic Applause directly to Hunter-Reay after being unceremoniously Crashed Out! (By Hunter; Err Bully-Ray!)

As I like to believe that Graham would Never Hose his team-mate when in the middle of a Championship Title fight, which is exactly what 'Ol Bully-ray' did vs. Rossi, which you'd expect better from a previous IndyCar Series Champion!

8. Comeback Driver of The Year
Winner: Conor Daly
What's that tired, Old Cliché 'bout Thee Hardest Working Driver in IndyCar's? As Conor's kept his Head down since that lamentable season driving for 'Ol SuperTex', which resulted in his Firing! And drove for how many different teams this year? Most notably B-I-G 3' Powerhouse Andretti Autosport at Mother Speedway, and Oh Yeah, Laguna Seca.

As Conor fully deserves his newest ride as Fast Eddie's Twisties' Specialist for 2020, along with a third Ed Carpenter Racing ride for the Indy 500. And hopefully will finally resume his rightful place as a Fulltime IndyCar competitor in 2021.

9. "Big Boyz Pants" Award
Winner: Takuma Sato
Not sure what more I can really say 'bout the likeable Taku-san', woo I've been a Fan of for many years. As it just makes me Sick to My Stomach that fellow citizens of my GURR-REAT! Nation keep lambasting Takuma Sato with racist insults; What The Fuck!

Yet per Tipicali, Sato rose above it All, kept his Trademark Cool and weathered a massive storm Vilifying him for doing Nothing Wrong at Pocono, for which I'd say the Racing Gods gave him a rousing endorsement over!


Or Y'all can Skip collecting your $200 for passing Monopoly's Starting line, and G-O Directly to the Speed Freaks interview instead...


10. Rookie of The Year
Winner: Santino Ferrucci
Although you'd think according to the NBC Sports Booth Boyz' Thar was only that Soupier Doopier Rookie Colton Herta in the field; BARF!

Although 'Ol R', aka Robin Miller did get excited over Ferrucci when we got to the Ovals...

Nonetheless he got Beat Out for (ROY) Rookie Of the Year Honours by the usually Cool Swede Felix Rosenqvist, who only had one meltdown late in the year, accusing IndyCar of favouring Herta for the ROY Championship.

But for Mwah, especially since they're the smallest Minnow on the IndyCar Grid, not to mention his personality was refreshing. And he wasn't afraid of Ovals, or using the High-line as the Right-line! I soon became a fan of who I've "coined" Thee Great Santini! Nee Santino Ferrucci.

As I'm expecting him to return to Dale Coyne Racing next year. Hmm, perhaps taking over le Hamburgular', nee SeaBasses vacated seat to make room for a Pay Driver to buy his ride? We'll see...

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