Thursday, December 27, 2018

Golden Tailpipe Awards: 2018 Streamliner edition



Alexander Rossi asking No Fenders head scribe Tomaso what he thinks 'bout Herbie the Love Bug's No. 53 for his race-car number at Austin? (The Tomaso Collection)
Otay Kiddies', it's that time 'O year again, when I cap off another long, meandering year's storytelling from thou Isle of Nofendersville with my End of Year Overall Winners selections. Which Y'all can Compare 'N Contrast with last year's choices in;


As Here goes Nothin', with another Bevy 'O totally Un-Scientific selections made below. Although I've Ditched the Car of Year category since I cannot S-E-E 'Em Anymores', and replaced it with a nod to Flatliners, nee Drag Racing instead...

CATEGORIES
1. Driver of Year
Winner: Alexander Rossi
Yeah, I know I'm prejudiced but, how can I not be enamoured by Alexander Rossi, especially after having the totally unexpected privilege of meeting him in Austin the fall of Twenty-fourteen, before he was known to many Americans, not to mention prior to finally being granted his rightful position of becoming Americre's latest Formula 1 Pilote! Thus I was somewhat awares of Rossi's talents as a then precocious GP2 Driver trying to make a name for himself.

And even though many would argue the likes of Lewis "Golden Child" Hamilton, Scotty the "Iceman 2.0" Dixon and others would rank ahead of him for this categories honours. Nonetheless, would Hamilton have been so gracious with a Nobody Blogger like Thyself at a Charity event NO less?

Thus Rossi get's my emphatic nod for Driver of The Year on the basis of a superb season en route to runner-up in the IndyCar Championship with three Wins & three Poles, even if his only blemish to Mwah was that uncharacteristic crash at Detroit, albeit his Bravado of Not settling for second that day, in some "Grainy" way makes me recall Kimi Raikkonen's being "Schooled" by the Master, ne Michael Schumacher Wayback' in '02 when making a similar "Rookie" mistake before learning the ultimate ways of Race-craft towards winning a Championship.

As Me Thinks it's NO Mistake that El Capitano', nee Roger Penske has tapped the impressive Yank' to join his IMSA Sports Car effort this coming season...


Other Choices
Scott Dixon, Lewis Hamilton, Daniel Ricciardo and Will Power.

2. Story of Year
Winner: Robert Wickens
Sadly, for Mwah, Wickens Horrendous Shunt at Pocono, for which ironically I was totally unawares of that fateful day since I was moving south, sticks out as the story of the year for All the Wrong reasons. As I totally hope that Robert will somehow miraculously walk again...

3. Race of Year
Winner: Grand Prix of Portland
Have to say I'm somewhat tickled that 'Ol Crash Gladys' of Speed Freaks also chose Portland for her Race of The Year, albeit I made my decision prior to hearing hers.

As Portland's first lap melee with Scott Dixon surviving almost unscathed gave an electrifying tension to the entire race, for which from start-to-end you couldn't predict who the winner would be, and certainly never that Takuma Sato would claim a surprise W!

Other Choices
USGP, Indianapolis 500, Chinese GP, Road America and the Brazilian GP...

4. Sportsperson of Year
Winner: Katherine Legge
I'm choosing Thy Leggy Juan', aka Katherine Legge here, since originally I was trying to figure how to somehow squeeze her into my Sports Car Driver of Year category.

Although Legge and Co-driver Álvaro Parente finished runner-up in this year's IMSA GT Daytona Class honours behind the #48 Paul Miller Racing Lamborghini, they did win races, with Katherine notching two victories with different Co-Drivers in what I believe began as just a Enduros' Only campaign? Along with giving the PMR Lambo' crew a run for its money's worth to the very last race.

"RADD!" A Modern Day interpretation of the Golden Submarine originally made famous by Barney Oldfield debuted at the 2008 SEMA Show. (Image source: autoblog.com)
5. Flatliner' of year
Winner: J.R. Todd
Although the 37yr old "Hoosier" from Lawrenceburg, Indiana, who just celebrated his Birthday in Style. Will presumably be Overshadowed by Lewis Hamilton and his contemporary Flatliner' Antron Brown. Nevertheless, Todd becomes only the second ever African American to win one of the prestigious NHRA Category Championships, having claimed this year's Top Fuel "laughing Gas" (Nitro) Floppers', nee Funny Cars Crown.

And J.R. did it in fashion, after doing the unusual by backing up last year's U.S. Nationals win by repeating the feat again this year!


6. Rider of Year
Winner: Jorge Lorenzo
Although I've never been a Fan of Jorge's, primarily due to his Awkward Robot Victory Dances; Not, Hya!

Nonetheless, Lorenzo's toiled in dysfunctional disappointment at Ducati for three years, totally overshadowed by Dovi', nee Andrea Dovizioso, who's scored more victories vs. his more celebrated three times MotoGP World Champion team-mate.

Nevertheless, Lorenzo finally got the "Monkey Off his Back" this season with his first, overdue victory aboard the Mighty Duc', en route to three W's this season before his shock decision to move to the rival Repsol Honda Squad as Danni Pedrosa's replacement.

Honorable Mention
Was totally unawares' of Ken Roczen's Dogged Determination to return to riding his Scooter', nee Motorcycle not once, but twice this year after Mega injuries. As 'Ol Sarge', nee Kenny Sargent of Speed freaks rightly claimed Roczen his Driver/Rider and/or Freak of Year the 24yr old German Motocross Rider.


7. Sports Car Driver of Year
Winner: Colin Brown
As it's funny how I've just now learned the most I've ever known about CORE Autosport, which I haven't even speeled correctly the past few years. And although Colin's team-mate is "The Boss," nee John Bennett, who's the team owner, it's the younger Brown who garners thou Attenzione.

Colin Brown just seems like one Bad Arse Hombre, who at 30yrs young, is the Hired Gun Slinger of this racing duo, whilst Bennett is the elder at age 53, and has steadily improved his race-craft over the years, even if Colin is the Faster of the two...

This choice like All, is based upon the fact that CORE Autosport, not Cor, almost ran down the All Conquering Action Express Racing (AXR) concern for the Prototype Championship this year, finishing runner-up in their Oreca 07 Gibson V-8, scoring two consecutive victories before IMSA slapped BoP (Balance of Performance) restrictions upon the European LMP2 competitors prior to the season finale...

Other Choices
Alvaro Parente, "The Brothers Taylor," aka Ricky & Jordan, Brian Sellars and Rodney Sandstorm...

8. Freak of Year
Winner: Mark Reuss - Detroit Celebrity IndyCar Pacecar Driver
This One's fairly self-explanatory, Eh! As it's not every day, week or year that the Celebratory Pace Car Driver Stuffs his Ride into the Wall; ZOINKS!

Adding Insult to Injury was the fact that it was General Motors Executive Mark Reuss at the controls of that Chevrolet Corvette ZR1! (Which retails for $141,000+)


As Reuss's loop-de-loop pirouette caused a 34-minute Red Flag Delay prior to going Green for one of those Detroit Duelies', albeit the "King of The Hill" ZR1 Vette' sports a menacing 755Bhp! But then again also comes equipped with traction & stability control, along with a very respectable 1.18G Cornering ability...


Honorable Mention
Ken Roczen (See Rider of Year category Above)

9. Quip of Year
Winner: Minttu Raikkonen

"If you Cry like a Girl when You lose, Do Ballet!"

Although probably now long forgotten by most, this Quip "Tweeted" by Kimi Raikkonen's "Better Half," nee Wife Mittu over Boo Hoo Hoo Golden Child Crying in Defeat at his Home venue,

was absolutely Priceless!

As typical, Lewis Hamilton Blamed his Opponents, claiming Ferrari of using "Interesting Tactics" after he'd collided with thee "Iceman" on lap-1 - whilst title protagonist 'lil Sid Viddle', nee Sebastian Vettel romped to victory at Bloody Silverstone. Followed by Mittu's Awesome Quip!


As that's a Wrap for the Year Kiddies', as it's been Ah, Uhm? Oh Yeah, Ah blast! As see Yuhs All next year...

Arrivederci
Tomaso

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