Thursday, March 10, 2011

IndyCar Honours Duno with New Rules package

They claim imitation is the sincerest form of flattery... BUTT, OMG! You’ve gotta be absolutely FRILLIN’ kidding me, right? I mean what’s up with the new lookey-loo regulations just announced.

Now I realize my poll of three persons total I’ve listened too or read is not a very scientific method, although I’m most certain if I asked Indiana Bureau Chief Danny B my numbers would swell to four “NEY’s!” And thus you’re humble No Fenders scribe will push the poll tally to a whopping 5-0 NOT in favour of Randy “The CandyMann” Bernard’s NUTCAR 2.0 makeover...

Initially I was totally unawares of this nebulous Top-24 + 2, Uhm? Pro-visional “Argie-bargie” until reading CARPETS most reverent rant... As in do we really need provisional’s right now in IndyCarLand, by-gummit??? WTF? Yooze means we’re gonna wheelz outs some of ‘Dem ‘Ol Timers, Dust ‘em off ‘N stick ‘em back into a racecar – Backsides permitting? Hmm? Does that mean Danny will get to see his Hero BLOODY ‘NIGE return? And I’ve heard it asked why the majik No. 26? Whale Goll LLLL-LEEEEEEEEE!!!! Hmm? If there were 27 racecars at many venues last year and the threat of NO cash handouts for the numbers 25-26, which was The Wanderin’ Milka Rule #1 – then it seems pretty obvious to me what’s up with the Car-capping “maneuver... “Wink-Wink, Nudge-Nudge!” As Dave First on Autosport Radio put it most succinctly by sayin’; I DON’T understand why you’d want to be turning away potential competitors at the moment – Amen Brother! And thus I’ll defer to the more eloquent Geo. Phillips to expound upon this matter...

When Is A Starting Field Too Large?

So let’s see, what’s next? Oh I dunno, how ‘bout instituting the RUCKY ‘DAWG rule? Double-file restarts... Hmm? Meeze thinks the only thingy missin’ now’s is duh green-white chequered flag restarts... Oh, didn’t you read Kurty Cavin’s article about the Lucky Dog rule being implemented? As apparently Robin Miller’s comments ‘bout “The Lucky Milka” wasn’t bunchin’ duh field up enough effectively, eh?

And DAMN! Why don’t we just hand out medals for the Top-3 finishers, I dunno? How’s ‘bout Gold-Silver-Bronze a la the Olympics... OOPS! Scratch t’Dat, we’ll get in trouble with Uncle Bernaughty for copyright issues ‘Thar.

Hey, I know! How ‘bout installing Shortcut/Overtaking lanes on selected Roadcourses/Street Circuits. I mean it’s still probably possible at Edmonton who are now remodeling their layout right? GULP! We’ll haveda call ‘em HSPZ’s (High Speed Passing Zones) instead – as DAMMIT! That Messer E’s already thought this ‘Juan up tooze...

And since we’re goin’ all out here ‘N dippin’ into SHUSH Danny! The WayBack Machine... In the immortal words of a one Mister Bobby Unser: “I think there’s somme Slippery Liquids Ontrack Sam!” Why not instead of having the sweeper trucks remove ‘Dem “marbles.” Why NOT instead actually have them lay down layers ‘O real marbles; Hya! Careful Son, you could poke somme-bodies eyes outs ‘Dar; Yuhs hear? Hmm? How ‘bout installing computer controlled sprinkler systems strategically placed at various portions of racetracks to cause unforeseen temporary water hazards...

F1 boss' wet-track idea supported by U.S. race's promoter

And lastly, Hmm? How ‘bout employing Darren ‘DangerMouse Manning to tee up golf balls from the Brickyard Crossing during May 29th? FOUR!

Oh Never Mind!

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