Thursday, August 8, 2013

Microsoft Wins the Race!

Perhaps Y’all will laugh at me, but its funny how odd it feels returning to Zed Keyboard and trying to poond away another Award Winning No Fenders ‘BLOB story after having been on an enforced Holiday away from thy ‘Confuzer for some three-plus weeks now, having last left off with the following announcement...

Although I did manage to produce my first post back nearly 4wks later with that riveting Seafair Spectale, sorta post...

And as Grizzled ‘Journo Joe Saward has just noted (August 1st ) this being the Formula 1 Summer Holiday Break, not to mention Indy Cars being on a bit ‘O a breather after its 3wk break, what better time to entertain Y’all with this rant, right?

Originally I’d intended to give Y’all a running Blow-by-Blow of the convoluted twists of trying to do what seemingly would be a very simple, straightforward task for anybody with normal eyesight and the freedom of possessing and piloting an automobile, but alas: “this is NOT My Beautiful House, this is NOT my Beautiful Wife!” As I’ve belabored a zillion times before, your humble No Fenders scribe lives a different lifestyle as a visually impaired ‘vurd Botcherer...

Hence a multitude ‘O thoughts have come to my Attenzione - as its such a farcical statement to hear so many different entities clamouring for the Blind & Visually Impaired  to live an “Independent life,” not to mention another faction of individuals who seem not to exist, the physically and mentally Handicapped...

As Riddle me This? How does a blind person go to the Computer store?

And how does said individual transport his CPU “Tower” Desktop unit if Public Transportation is their regular mode of travel? Let alone how would said individual manage to transport two Towers home at once on the bus? And that’s before we even get into the procedures of un-installing/installing accompanying hardware & software; like Y’all know, you’ve gotta be able to S-E-E what you’re doing, eh?

Yet what I find so disconcerting - and apparently either totally ignored, glossed over or not even considered? Is this seemingly colossal tidal wave of “DigitalIdus,” Y’all know: “There’s an App for That!” As this race towards 100% touch screen icon driven lifestyle is exceedingly Discriminatory towards those of us who either cannot see, are colour blind or both; CRIKEYS!

Or in the case of another individual I overlooked who’s confined to a wheelchair for life and has NO use of his arms & hands, must rely solely upon using his foot to communicate orally and ‘E-lectronically! (As I’d totally overlooked this subset of civilization in an earlier post)

Thus having finally picked up my new “Scratch-built” winDOUGHS-7 ‘Confuzer nearly a Fortnight later, to which said the local small business Computer store I’d patronized had ignored a crucial part of my order request, as imagine my surprise upon having it installed at home  only to discover that it did NOT have any MS Word upon I-T! Not to mention the corresponding Outlook email platform I prefer over web based email, all of which is extremely UN-Friendly user-wise for me... And notice how I’ve left out the part completely about having been previously told how the “New & Improved” winDOUGHS-7 Operating System was an absolute CLUGE! And for reasons still unknown, the Computer store Boffins totally ignored my request for MS Office 2010 to be installed upon my new machine!

This error was discovered after our second trip back to said local business, as the first time the new BITCHIN’ machine was booted up; Err Houston, we’ve got a problemo! As the machine would NOT boot up; SHEISA! Thus finally after four trips to said store - I left my box in disgust to have what I’ve come to refer to as “Office lite” installed upon I-T! And with some corresponding Icons so I could actually access IT! Uhm, can I get Fries with that?  

As it ultimately turns out I’m glad that they ignored my order; NOT! Since apparently Office 2010 is NO longer available for sale commercially, while I’ve since discovered after spending copious hours trying to figure out thee A-L-L KNOWING Confuzer - like should it really take 32-hours to discover that it turns out I’d be Dead in The Water anyways, cause guess what? Although Office 2013 will work upon winDOUGHS-7, it will NOT work with Zoomtext 10.0 which is where ‘Lucy, my ARSE-steamed Screen Reader comes from.

As I still firmly believe that this local small business owner didn’t want to eat the wholesale cost of his mistake since I’d already paid in full for my machine before delivery after having the audacity to tell me over the telephone that if he installed Office 2013 it would wipe out all of his work he’d done installing winDOUGHS “Live Mail!” Note to respective business owner, what ever happened to that Business 101 saying: Thee Customer is ALWAYS Right! Huh?

Yet the most entertaining part was that after  all of this I’d made the mistake of not having Claudio install Zoomtext for Mwah, saying what’s ‘Awntie Harriet’s favourite saying: “I can do i-t myself!” After Clyde had been kind enough to take me back to the Confuzer store to pick up my box, bring I-T home, re-install I-T and then work thru the myriad of technical problemos, i.e.; as the “Live Mail” wouldn’t let us send any emails - telling us to contact our local Service Provider; Huh? If I cannot send/receive any emails then how is the n$a gonna track me? Can Y’all say Edward Snowden? But I digress...

As I went to install Zoomtext, I ran into one of microSOFT’s latest security features, where it WON’T let you install a software program automatically; SHEISA! As now you’ve gotta Agree to Agree that you really-really-really wanna install said program on your Confuzer.

So now comes the even funnier Ha Ha? NOT! Part, upon having called Ai Squared’s Tech Support which is on East Coast time from 9AM-5PM Mon-Fri, the Tekie said, I’ll be happy to remote login and help you with that Sir. Uh Gee Wally! I’m BLIND! Which in almost all known cases means that the person CANNOT see clearly, if at all? Thus explaining this predicament, he suggested I try turning on the microSOFT magnifier function, to which once again you need correctable vision to find I-T buried inside the Control Panel’s Accessibility function... Asking if there were any Hot Keys for this he told me he couldn’t find any, giving me one suggestion which didn’t work and said guess you’ll need to find somebody to help you.

Then for humour, I tried calling Best Buy’s “Geek Squad” to which the lady taking my call didn’t grasp the situation either, telling me Sir, for $49.95 we can remote login and install that program for you... You mean like I’ve got to be able to read the internets in order to remote login right? HEY LADY! I’M FREAKIN’ BLIND!!! What part of this picture DON’T you comprehend? Here’s your Sign!

Thus I arranged to have Marcus come out and help install the MOST crucial piece of software I own, my ZT10.0 (Zoomtext) which magnifies & reads everythingy to Mwah, which afterwards, naturally as I began playing around on winDOUGHS-7 and noticing all of the enhanced programs features which I found totally DISGUSTING! I ran in to the veritable Buzz saw of microSOFT inadvertently breaking Open Office Writer’s ability for my reader to read anything inside of the corresponding word document; FUCK! As the second Ai Squared tech would later inform me that it had been fixed on a previous V3-dot ‘Somme-thun version but had obviously been BROKEN on the current 4.04.1 version...

Thus, I’m just sitting around now anxiously awaiting the arrival of David, a Computer Systems Consultant to come out and install an outdated version of microSOFT’s Office suite so I can at last have MS Word & Outlook upon my new winDOUGHS-7 machine, while I simply cringe at the future of computing...


As obviously microSOFT is betting the future will revolve around tablets, smart phones and whatever nano i-Devices Apple & Google can come up with, I mean HELL! We’ll probably just ALL be walking round with our i-Glasses in the future and won’t need Confuzers, right? Uhm? What if your vision isn’t correctable or heavens forbid, you’re blind? Oh Never Mind!

As SHAME ON YOU microSOFT for being too lazy to do the right thing and instead of being cheesy and developing one supposedly does I-T all piece of software, really should have developed two separate programs, one for the massive current generation of PC users who are used to navigating Confuzers the traditional way; Y’all know, like where’s the FUCKING Start bar application? And then you could have your snazzy, jazzy look Ma, NO typing/clicking smart touch screen thingy devices... As it seems like it’s a pretty weird world if I’m openly wishing for Microsoft’s Stock price to take a massive nose dive over this INSANITY!

As I’ve said it before, and just experienced that punch in the stomach feeling (again) when I could NOT interact with word via ‘Lucy - I thought my Blogging career was OVER once again, as I like to cling to the na├»ve thought that I’ll actually be the one to decide when to stop blogging instead of having microSOFT, gOOgle and thy Confuzer decide for me! (As No Fenders 9/11 Born-On-Date is fast approaching...)

As I don’t know ‘bout Y’all, but I find the fast approaching A-L-L DiggI-T Tull world exceedingly DISCRIMINATORY towards those of us who have visual or physical disabilities, while the NFB isn’t overly positive towards this shift either. Having written them a two page letter outlining my concerns, to which they actually replied; are you listening Google & Microsoft? Yet basically told me I needed to quit trying to cope with my limited vision and become MORE blind; aye Karumba!

As I’ve tried refraining from using what my first two titles were: microSOFT SUCKS! And this later version internally titled microSOFT REAKS! As I’m presently trying to decide if I wanna try converting over to the A-L-L knowing Ribbon which microSOFT forced upon us with the advent of MS Word 2007, as like everything! It gets RID of menus and sounds like forces the user towards a more visually driven Ribbon of happiness instead; BARF! As I don’t wanna even try guessing whether or not I can SEE the speel checking function in Word ’07?

Hmm? May be I should just stick to reading books like OLD Fogies do, eh?

KUDOS to Clyde, Mary Ellen & Marcus for their repeated trips to NoFendersville to transport me back ‘N forth, lug around two Confuzer, continuously set them up & swap them back ‘N forth all so I could have access to the world wide web thingy!

As I’ve only got 7/10th remaining of the 500pg biography the Life of Senna remaining...




This is absolutely INSANE! That it would take me six people, (excluding the 3-Computer Techies at Ai Squared) including a Computer Technician Consultant 3hrs to simply get me a working winDOUGHS-7 'Puter, as Juan Friend calls I-T! Yet with A-L-L of that said, I'm now running into the overtly huge RETARDATION of thee "New & Improved" NOT! Vaunted winDOUGHS-7 Operating System and its RETARDED Office 2007 programs, i.e.; Outlook & Word... As I'll just leave Y'all with one tiny example... In MS Word 2003 you could simply select the FIRST row menu items View tab and simply select between Normal and Print Layout modes to change the pages view; BUTT NO!

WE'VE GOTTA FUCK THIS UP! As now you have to click upon the under intensified word Menu in order to get a second row of words to show up, which are also fairly invisible. And then when you select the word View, it gives you the option of everything under the Sun except the word Normal and is defaulted to Print Layout checked, which I have NOT been able to rectify after about 2-3+ hours of scouring the web and clicking various words on the screen; SHEISA!


While some of Y'all have been quick to point out that perhaps it's the operator instead? To which I'd just say the following. I'd 'LUV to see some FRILLIN' Programmer do his job either blindfolded or wearing chicken grease smeared sunglasses; just sayin', Oh Never Mind!


Just DO NOT expect a massive SLEW 'O Blog Stories since once again, my productivity has been diminished by a factor of 3! (AGAIN!) So, Thank You Very Little microSOFT!!! Not to mention how SCREWGALZ platform is "Working Together" NOT! With 'Lucy, my ARSE-steamed Screen Reader...


Just DO NOT expect a massive SLEW 'O Blog Stories since once again, my productivity has been diminished by a factor of 3! (AGAIN!) So, Thank You Very Little microSOFT!!!