Wednesday, December 22, 2010

F1: Inaugural Korean Grand Prix recap

As I previously mentioned – way back yonder, (on 10/26) I bothered staying up into the ‘Wee DARK hours ‘O Sunday morning in order to attempt watching the inaugural Korean Grand Prix live on le Telescreen...

As I scurried ‘bout packing for my trip to Arizona, I didn’t bother setting my Old School VCR – since it’s Pre-Daylight Savings Time2.0, which means that twice a year I have to manually manipulate the machine’s time settings since Comcast has thoroughly ‘Buggered Up the Auto Time Setting features with the FORCED usage of their ALL knowing diggIT! ‘Tul BOX...

And in case you’re wondering, I only stick with this recording medium for the simple fact that I can still READ the On-screen menu vs. NOT being able to visually navigate today’s modern DVR’s – since like all things digital; they’ve gotta use SMALLER font sizes and pack MORE SHEISA (SHIT) into every BLOODY command screen; Aye Karumba!

Yet apparently I was having a flashback to pre dig-IT! ‘Tul BOX, when I had to actually manipulate the time settings four times a year; but I digress... As I’m certain Y’all are ponderin’ what this has to do with the Korean GP, rhight? Whale it means I tried getting the Formula One action taped for Mwah while in Arizona in order to drag home afterwards, yet we had more Technical Difficulties, which meant that the stuff was on DVR – but NOT on ‘Ol School Memorex...

Thus, Saturday evening we sat down to watch a very entertaining ‘Qualie show, to which was very enjoyable for me – getting to show off my fast knowledge of F1; Hya! As Alfonso asked, who’s KOB? Oh that must be Kobayashi. Who’s HUL? Nico Hulkenberg – BAM! As you get the idea right?

Then Miguel enquired about the 8-engine rule, which seems to get a tad bit muddled I must say by the announcers, as I calmly explained how each Formula 1 Driver is allowed eight engines per season, which must last a minimum of 3-race weekends; excluding Friday’s, when a further four engines may be used during practice/testing. And as Bob Varsha has waxed on excessively; if a driver exceeds this allotment then he’ll be forced to incure a 10-Grid spot penalty the following race. Although currently this regulation enables two engines to only need to run two racing weekends, thus leaving some space for maneuvering engine utilization...

And although these technological masterpieces have become exceedingly reliable with the mandated design “freeze,” being slightly “De-tuned” to a maximum of 18,000rpm’s. Nevertheless we have witnessed Alonso and Vettel see an engine apiece go KABLAMOE!

On a lighter note, Joyce first informed me that her Numero Uno racecar colour-wise/livery was hands down the McLarens, saying they’ve got a very cool chrome theme goin’ on... Then at the end of the program whilst watching the Post-qualifying interviews she told us repeatedly that all 3-drivers were HOT! I mean they’re all HOT – Dude!

Round 17 of 19
(Korea: October 24, 2010)

Top 3 Qualifiers
Pole: Sebastian Vettel; Red Bull
2nd: Mark Webber; Red bull
3rd: Fernando Alonso; Ferrari

Other Top 10 Qualifiers
P8) Robert Kubica; Renault
P10) Rubens Barrichello; Williams

Thus, I was quite happy to see Master ‘Zebb (Vettel) come out on TOP once again. And I decided I’d go for watching the race live the same Saturday night at 11PM, I mean it’s only a 2.5hr show – right? NOT!

As I said - I had decided to try watching the race live on the “Tellie” into the very DARK ‘Wee hours of the morning Sunday... Can you say EMBARRASSMENT? At least that’s what somebody should be, i.e.; EMBARRASSED! Since I know that soon to be 80yrs OLD Uncle Bernaughty (Ecclestone: 10/28/10) DON’T give a CRAP as long as the race goes on and he gets his 14-figures wired into his account before the Green flag drops!

But C’mon Clowns! That had to be the most ill-advised inaugural Grand Prix hosted in many Moons, eh? After Fredrico Suave was heard saying it was the WORST conditions he’d ever faced and ‘JENSE said he couldn’t see his front tyres! As the Formula One Freightrain pounded ‘round behind the hydroplaning Safety Car before a Red flag was thrown... As we viewers were treated to a 1-hour RAIN delay; SHEISA!

As I recall jokes being made ‘bout the AMG ‘Merc Safety Car leading more laps then the F1 Cars... As what in the HELL was that 17-lap Parade all about, eh?

And that’s without mentioning how the track was built upon a swamp/marshland and A) was inevitably LOW Sea level-wise, which wasn’t helping the drainage issues. B) There was a massive Mosquito infestation and C) Reputedly the infield portion assigned to F1 Journalists/Photographers was also infested with SNAKES!

Yet, I fell asleep somewhere’s between 1AM-onwards West Coast-Arizona-Seattle-Pacific Time; Oh Never Mind! As I let the show roll-on with 10-laps remaining, in total DISGUST after Master ‘Zebb’s “Reggie” lump when ‘KUH-BLAMOE! (While leading...) FUCK!!! Son ‘O a Bitch! That Frillin’ Fredrico Suave (Fred Alonso) won as I DEJECTEDLY turned off the TV at 2:01AM as soon as that SMUG S.O.B. crossed the line feeling totally GUTTED! Whale probably not as GUTTED as Sebastian felt, eh? SHEISA! (SHIT!)

As now the Formula 1 Championship is turned upside down once again; Aye Karumba! As I really wish I knew who it was in the Paddock who recently said he thought Fred Alonso would win the title ‘cause he knows EVERY DIRTY TRICK in the Book! (‘Nuff Said, Eh!)

Top 3 Finishers
Winner: Fernando Alonso; Ferrari
2nd: Lewis Hamilton; McLaren
3rd: Felipe Massa; Ferrari

Other Point Scorers
P5) Robert Kubica; Renault
P6) Vitantonio Liuzzi; Force India
P7) Rubens Barrichello; Williams
P8) Kamui Kobayashi; Sauber
P9) Nick Heidfeld; Sauber
P10) R-Nico Hulkenberg; Williams

Race Drive of Korea
Although this should most likely go to all of the 24 Gran Primo Piloto’s – for driving in exceedingly DANGEROUS conditions... Nevertheless, I vaguely recall being overly impressed by ‘tonio’s (Vitantonio Liuzzi) wet weather drive and thus the Star-crossed Italian garners my vote for this honour at Korea...

F1 Teams: McLaren
No. 1) J. Button: Q) 7th; R) 12th
No. 2) L. Hamilton: Q) 4th; R) 2nd
(Car No; Driver)

Name Q R
Button 5 7
Hamilton 12 10
(Head-to-Head Standings)

No. 3) M. Schumacher: Q) 9th; R) 4th
No. 4) N. Rosberg: Q) 5th; R) Retired: Accident (24th)

Name Q R
Schumacher 3 5
Rosberg 14 12

Red Bull
No. 5) S. Vettel: Q) Pole; R) Retired: Engine (17th)
No. 6) M. Webber: Q) 2nd; R) Retired: Accident (23rd)

Name Q R
Vettel 10 10
Webber 7 7

No. 7) F. Massa: Q) 6th; R) 3rd
No. 8) F. Alonso: Q) 3rd; R) Winner

Name Q R
Massa 4 5
Alonso 13 12

No. 18) J. Trulli: Q) 19th; R) Retired: Hydraulics (22nd)
No. 19) H. Kovalainen: Q) 21st; R) 13th (-1 lap)

Name Q R
Trulli 9 5
Kovalainen 8 12

No. 20) Sakon Yamamoto: Q) 23rd; R) 15th (-2 laps)
No. 21) R-Bruno Senna: Q) 24th; R) 14th (-2 laps)

Name Q R
Yamamoto 1 2
Senna 5 4
Klien 1 1
Senna 0 0
Chandhok 1 1
Yamamoto 0 0
Chandhok 3 7
Senna 6 2

No. 24) T. Glock: Q) 20th; R) Retired: Damage (19th)
No. 25) R-Lucas di Grassi: Q) 22nd; R) Retired: Accident (21st)

Name Q R
Glock 15 10
Di Grassi 2 7