INDY 500: World’s Largest Autograph session - 2011

2011 Centennial Program magazine signed front with sixteen signatures...

As briefly mentioned before, I managed to obtain the following fourteen “John Hancock’s” (autographs) ‘Wayback in Two Thousand Eleven, my first of three autograph sessions to date, albeit “Greasy ‘Ol Salad bar” (Eliseo Salazar) was the only driver not willing to sign the cover, instead wanting to sign I-T on the page in the middle (somewhere) with him on it instead!

As tradition dictates, Ladies first; especially since we’re talking about the First Lady of the Indianapolis 500, aka Janet Guthrie. While the only winner in this grouping was the “Flying Dutchman” who now spends his time as part of the Indy Car Series Officiating Crew along with being one of Honda’s Fastest Seats in Racing 2X Seater Chauffer’s...

Other notable drivers abound below with a mix of ex-Formula 1 Piloto’s, RASCAR drivers and other walks of life...

Janet Guthrie

DOB: 3/7/38; USA

Age: 75

I500 Starts: 3

Best Finish: 9^th

Years: 1977-79

Fun Fact

Janet went out of her way to mingle with all of the Fans, as she was the first driver I saw come out ‘N mingle with the crowd - and she kept signing so long that she finally had to quit because her hand was cramping up!

Gary Bettenhausen

DOB: 11/18/41; USA

Age: 71

I500 Starts: 21

Best Finish: 3^rd place

Years: 1968-78, 1980-82, 1986-87, 1989-93

RETRO: Bettenhausen’s “N Vukovich’s – Unsung Heroes...

Arie Luyendyk

DOB: 9/21/53; Netherlands

Age: 59

I500 Starts: 17

Best Finish: Indy 500 Winner 1990, 1997

Years: 1985-99, 2001-02

Fun Fact

Just learn-ed that this two-time Indy 500 winner doesn’t like shaking hands and prefers fist bumping instead - which didn’t work out so well for Arie this year at Barrett Jackson when three-time NHRA champion Larry Dixon smacked him with his champion’s ring; Hooah! (Serves you right Arie...)

Roberto Guerrero

DOB: 11/16/58; Columbia

Age: 54

I500 Starts: 15

Best Finish: Runner-up (2^nd place) twice

Years: 1984-88, 1990-99

Honours: 1984 Indy 500 rookie Of the Year

Fun Fact

While I’ll always recall this affable Columbian in that Granatelli Dayglo orange True Value racecar stalling on Pitlane whilst cheering for B-I-G AL to get by him, nevertheless, from 1984-87 this was the driver to have at Indy as he rolled off finishes of 2^nd-3^rd-4^th-2^nd in his first four starts at Mother Speedway before a nasty accident left him in a Coma, which he recovered from. While some may recall his pulling a “Scotty Sharp” on Raceday in 1992, which ironically was his only Pole at Indy which resulted in a 33^rd place finish - with his best IRL result being fifth in 1996...

Mark Dismore

DOB: 10/12/56; USA

Age: 56

I500 Starts: 7

Best Finish: 11^th

Years: 1996-2002

Fun Fact

While I’m certain its NOT a fun fact that I’ll always remember the ‘Diz for that wicked looking wreck he suffered while trying to make the show at Indianapolis in 1991; yet I’d forgotten that he’d won the 1993 Daytona 24 Hours race aboard one of those all conquering ‘lil Dan Gurney Toy-yoter 4-bangers!

Eliseo Salazar

DOB: 11/14/54; Chile

Age: 58

I500 Starts: 6

Best Finish: 3^rd

Years: 1995-97, 1999-2001

(Team Scandia Alumni)

Fun Fact

What more can you say about someone who’s nickname is “Greasy ‘Ol Salad bar.” Although I suppose I should have a little more respect for the ex-Hometeam (Scandia) driver, eh?

Jonny Unser

DOB: 10/22/58; USA

Age: 54

I500 Starts: 5

Best Finish: 18^th

Years: 1996-2000

Fun Fact

Johnny, who’s the son of Jerry and thus Uncle Bobby really is his uncle... Made me laugh when telling us upon Autosport Radio how at 53-years old here’s Uncle Bobby instructing him on how to wind up a garden hose correctly...

Stefan Johansson

DOB: 9/8/56; Sweden

Age: 56

I500 Starts: 3

Best Finish: 11^th

Years: 1993-95

(Team Scandia Alumni*)

Fun Fact

Although ‘lil “Stevie Johnson” was the fastest rookie in 1993, starting P6 on the outside of Row-2, having outqualified the “Works” Penske team of Emerson Fittipaldi & Paul Tracy.

unfortunately Johansson was overshadowed by some reigning F1 world champ named Bloody ‘Nige, whilst Mansell’s arch nemesis Nelson Piquet was also making his debutant appearance at Mother Speedway upon returning from his horrific wreck the preceding year. Other rookies included “Steven George” (Stephan Gregoire and Robby Gordon.

 And although Johansson finished a respectable eleventh, that Mansell chap actually led the race before getting snookered on a late restart - ultimately finishing third, being classified as the rookie Of the Year while Johansson finished second-in-class...

Swedish Speed Merchants

(Note,* Johansson won the 1997 12hrs of Sebring aboard Andy Evan’s Team Scandia Ferrari 333SP co-driving with Yannick Dalmas, Fermín Vélez and team owner Evans...)

Shigeaki Hattori

DOB: 11/3/63; Japan

Age: 49

I500 Starts: 2

Best Finish: 20^th

Years: 2002-03

Fun Fact

Contrary to popular belief, Takuma Sato wasn’t the first Japanese driver to pilot one of ‘SuperTex’s racecars, as ‘Shiggy beat ‘Taku-san to the punch by a decade...

Japanese Open Wheel Warriors

Herm Johnson

DOB: 3/4/53; USA

Age: 60

I500 Starts: 2

Best Finish: 8^th

Years: 1982, 1984

Fun Fact

Wasn’t aware that this was the same Herm as in Just Herm Helmets - which I’m pretty certain I used to see advertised in the back of my “Autoleak” (Autoweek) magazine many Moons ago. And according to ‘WICKEDpedia, Herm has a pretty good sense ‘O humour; having painted on the back edge of his rear wing for the 1982 Rex Mays Classic at the Milwaukee Mile: “rick, if You can READ this, you’re too CLOSE!” Which was in deference to Rick ‘The Rocket Mears having bumped into him in the pits on L183 in the preceding race - the 66^th Indy 500! Which is even funnier since that’s the race that Mears lost by a whisker to Gordon Johncock, not to mention being the reigning CART champion en route to winning the title once again that year...

Max Papis

DOB: 10/3/69; Italy

Age: 43

I500 Starts: 2

Best Finish: 14^th

Years: 2002, 2006

Fun Fact

I seem to recall the entire family, including Father-in-Law “EMMO,” nee Emerson Fittipaldi being on hand for Papis’s last non-successful foray to qualify for Indianapolis in ‘Twenty-oh-Eight, when EMMO was the Pace car driver.

But for Mwah, Papis will always be associated with that mesmerizing drive in the Ferrari 333 at Daytona where he was christened MAD MAX, prior to taking the stricken Jeff Krosnoff’s ride in CART. As I was also present for his victory at Portland in 2001, when he won the second of his three CART victories for Team Rahal before being dumped for colliding with Bobby’s star driver and teammate Kenny Brack once too often...

Andy Hillenburg

DOB: 4/30/63; USA

Age: 50

I500 Starts: 1

Best Finish: 28^th

Year: 2000

Car name: SUMAR Special by Irwindale Speedway

Fun Fact

I’ve just learn-ed some two years after the fact that this is the same Andy Hillenburg who bought “The Rock,” nee Rockingham Motor Speedway out of bankruptcy for a cool $4.4-million and has since revived Stock Car racing there - including ‘Dem PickemUp Trucks at the track too tough to tame...

Ted Prappas

DOB: 11/14/55; USA

Age: 57

I500 Starts: 1

Best Finish: 16^th

Year: 1992

Car name: P.I.G. Say NO to Drugs

Fun Fact

Although his car number should have been #69 in honour of temporary (Indy Lights) teammate Vince Neil - Prappas ran the No. 31 instead to a very unremarkable 16^th place finish, since I don’t recall anythingy ‘bout him...

Cory Witherill

DOB: 12/17/71; USA

Age: 41

I500 Starts: 1

Best Finish: 19^th

Year: 2001

Fun Fact

According to ‘WICKEDpedia, Cory is the only Native American (Navajo) to have ever contested the Indy 500...

Track Marshall Dies due to Injury at Montreal

Seems like a very bizarre accident to me - when a 38yr old Track Marshall was ultimately killed when tripping into the path of the unsighted crane operator’s vision while trying to retrieve his radio he’d accidently dropped!

Tragedy at the Canadian Grand Prix

And thus, having read of this sad tragedy Sunday night, as I was trying to walk uphill to the Dentist’s office Monday morning and the overcast skies made my glasses too dark to see properly, as I was removing them to place into their case, I dropped my all important white cane which as I grabbed the loose object perilously close to the street’s wave of oncoming rushing traffic - the thought of this stricken worker immediately flashed into my brain! As fortunately I got ahold of my cane before I-T went anywhere, yet I was prepared to let it go into the street and be run over instead of attempting to rescue it!

As hopefully they’ll come up with some new safer way of car removal in future circumstances - as I feel truly sorry for the crane driver, the worker who perished and his family...

The Tomaso Files: Doin’ the Time Warp thingy!

As I seem to lament quite a bit lately, where does A-L-L of the FREAKIN’ time go? As I simply feel like I’ve been on a virtual treadmill running nonstop ever since returning from Indy! I mean jeesh; I don’t seem to be able from keeping this ‘lil BLOB thingy from controlling my life!

Case-in-point, tried sitting down to finally watch my tape of the Monaco Grand Prix which I’d stumbled into hearing of the rebroadcast upon duh ‘Peacock-lite (NBCSN) a day after returning home very LATE from Indianapolis, Thanxs United Airlines! As let’s just say its NOT “The Friendly Skies” anymore! (Hmm? What do Yuhs mean this isn’t my gate?) As I’d have enjoyed watching the SENNA movie again which was unexpectedly being shown prior to the MonnNockoe GP and thus I raced to set the ‘Ol Memorex machine “Justin-time” since I was exhausted from my ordeal of being stranded in Chicago for 8hrs! Yeah Dave, I really was!

As I’d mentioned previously, before leaving for Indy I’d forgotten that it was the first of four F1 telecasts upon the BIG Brother Peacock (NBC) channel and thus had recorded 3.5hrs of gobbly-gook instead which I discovered the Wednesday after Indy when turning on le Telescreen; SHEISA!

Yet after watching the first portion of the rebroadcast which was pretty lame since A) NBCSN did NOT show the Pre-race and B) I couldn’t make anythingy out since it was late at night and my eyeballs were tired - I gave up on trying to watch I-T! As it would take me a further week’s time before forcing myself to sit down and watch the tape - which of course was interrupted by the telephone ringing off the hook Nonstop five times; hey people, I’m trying to listen to a race; Hooah!

And although I knew the results, I still didn’t know how it’d played out, as Pastor Maldonado’s accident was a wicked looking crash! While I had to stop scribblin’ this in order to go hunt for any info upon Felipe Massa’s second accident where he’d been placed in a neck brace for precaution, as thankfully both drivers are expecting to race at Montreal, ironically - or perhaps not? Both drivers will be racing brand new chassis since their current steeds didn’t keep on ticking after the ‘Mega licking they received in Monaco!

Massa, Maldonado to receive new Chassis in Montreal

And inexplicably, may be it’s the tape? The sound cut out completely during the latter stages  of  the race’s ending and thus I missed out verbally upon “Frenchie” Romain Grosjean’s ramming of Daniel Ricciardo, although I did enjoy mightily ‘Brittany’s, nee Nico Rosberg’s masterful holding off the entire field some four times upon multiple restarts, including one red flag period, especially since he kept ‘Wunderkin ‘Seb Vettel at bay, as hey Sebastian, if they’re truly “Tour busses” then you shouldn’t have any trouble zipping around them, right?

As Mary Ellen has come up with the perfect vernacular towards Master ‘Zebb, by telling me that he’s a sore loser and a ‘lil TWINKIE! (After I’d mentioned his taking a swipe at Nico about ‘Merc Tour busses...) As I’ve now taken a ‘Shine On to calling him “TWINKIE-BOY; Hya!

Whilst I found it even funnier yet reading that on the same day after watching the Monaco race thee original ‘Iceman, nee ‘Kimster, aka Kimi Raikkonen had said to the media that somebody outta PUNCH Sergio Perez, which for some reason made me think of ‘Ol Arrogant, a.k.a Ayrton Senna losing I-T over “Irv-the-Swerve (Eddie Irvine) all those year’s ago in Suzuka...

Raikkonen on Perez: “Some guys for sure you know what to expect...”

Yet, I must confess that this is the most disjointed feeling F1 season for Mwah yet, as I’ve managed to miss three; Err two races live, albeit I chose to NOT watch Bahrain as some small token of protest. As I was just waiting to sit down ‘N watch; Err listen to Friday’s second Free Practice session from Il Notre Dam (when beginning this latest tale ‘O woe) since it was on at a very pleasant 11AM Pacific time...

2013 Monaco GP results

And as expected, what’s dubiously being referred to as ‘Test-gate, the secretly private Pirelli-Mercedes tyre test was all the rage in ‘Mont royal as ‘Awntie Harriet likens I-T, although ‘Wee Willie Buxom (Will Buxton) had a very valid point. How insane is I-T that Pirelli are expected to prepare rubber for a new style chassis for next season’s racing without the use of a modern day racecar?

Thus having sat thru a fairly mundane Friday practice, I suppose the most entertaining bit was when Steve Matchett came up with what I could hear in my head ‘Hobbo saying is that a technical term? As he described the Super Soft (alternate) rubber as sticky chewing gum; Hooah!

Sitting thru ‘Qualie, I found my mind wandering as always, albeit fortunately I wasn’t trying to fix any holes where the rain gets in like it was doing upon the St Lawrence waterway, as you’ve gotta feel for Felipe Massa, having his third smash-up in two weeks time, as apparently the affable Brazilian is feeling the heat of contract extensions, eh? Although I’m still perplexed over why Nico Rosberg would wish to go to Ferrari and be a definitive No. 2 driver...

Nico, Alonso is FASTER than you; can you confirm that please!

And as I’ve tried typing this now (Monday afternoon) in the past 80mins for NO reason the power’s gone Off/On twice - two mini-power spikes causing me to LOSE portions of this riveting tail; CRIKEYS! Hey, I just got the power bill, so give me a break... Actually the office sez it’s going on A-L-L over the place and they think it must be the utility company; Hmm? Lets see the main street in front of our complex is under construction; Oh Never Mind! As I digress, eh?

As its funny - better FREAKIN’ file this N-O-W! What I remember most ‘bout the Mont-Royal qualifying is being extremely PISSED OFF at NBCSN! As I was looking forward to getting to hear Team ‘Willy’s rookie Finn Valtteri Bottas speak for the first time; BUTT NO-OOOO-OOO!!!!!!!! Due to the Red flag and needing to try keeping the Test-gate scandal alive ‘N well they had to cut ‘N RUN and henceforth chopped OFF the post ‘Qualie interviews after letting TWINKIE-BOY speak; FUCK YOU NBCSN!

Telling us to go to nbcsports-dot-com to watch I-T! Uh, NO Guys I can’t FUCKING find I-T on your HORRENDOUS Stick ‘N Ball website, so I guess I’ll haveda try Youtube instead...

Claire Williams

Team Williams team deputy principal stated emphatically: "I am convinced," along with being quoted by Kolner Express newspaper, "that we have a future world champion on our hands." (In regards to Bottas’s performance...)

As hopefully the evening’s broadcast would go better since I’d be recording the Texas IndyCar race later that night,  since I had fortunately been invited to go see the Sounders FC BEAT the Vancouver Whitecaps at Der ‘Clink, nee Century Link Field, the first of four expanded 50,000 seating games - before returning to watch the ‘Kuhnaidiun GP Sunday! As it’ll be tough NOT hearing the results of Texas before watching the tape, right?

As the Sounders match was quite exhilarating, with 53,679 ravenous, raucous fist pumping chest wavin’ Fans going berserk over their bee ‘LUV-ed soccer; Err Football team... As fortunately my prediction of their win prior to the match was ultimately correct, albeit a nail-biter for most of the game!

And isn’t it funny how the driver and team boss doing the most crying, screaming ‘N bitching over ‘Test-gate happen to be Vettel and his Err, Uhm? Team Boss, Christian Horner yeah that’s the ticket... As Vettel so thoroughly decimated the field that they hardly even showed him at all on thee ‘Telie, instead focusing upon Alonso v Hamilton, with Fredrico Suave getting the better of Lewis - with Steve Matchett trying to conjure up some controversy by reporting upon Alonso allegedly passing a fellow competitor under a yellow flag - which seemingly has fallen by the wayside...

Thus, the funniest part of thee WHOLE race to Mwah was the live podium interviews w/selected guests, with Sunday's being the plucky Irishman 'EJ. (Eddie Jordan) 

As the FUNNY part was that the crowd actually BOOED 'TWINKIE-BOY and he retorted back, Oh, its not that bad is it? And they just started chanting FER-NANDO FER-NANDO FER-NANDO thru most of his interview, as Alonso even greeted the crowd by saying Bon jour... And I suppose the partisan Immer Ferrari crowd may be due in some part to native son Gilles Villeneuve driving the legendary scarlet No. 27, eh? But I-T was still HILLARIOUS hearing the crowd drowning out Vettel with their chanting of Fernando’s name! 

2013 Canadian GP results

2013 F1 Points Standings

As all of this went on, along with my watching; Err listening to the most mundane Texas IndyCar race while my neighbor worked ALL day long on installing new headers onto his classic (early-90’s) Mustang with the offending exhaust pointing directly towards my patio’s sliding door and an unseemly LOUD amount ‘O noise reverberating thru my frumpy ‘lil abode all day long - and up ‘til sunset, making it exceedingly irksome trying to watch; Err listen to the FREAKIN’ Telie; URGH! (As it sounds like they’re FUCKING around on I-T again as the sun dips towards the equator once again Monday night...)

As my headache grew stronger I went ‘N listened to the Speed Freaks who had a very tired ‘HULIO on the show, as the ‘Sarge repeatedly inquired ‘bout whether he was wearin’ his “Speed Freaks thong? As I think Kenny has a Man-crush upon him? Yet he did have a valid point about how the telecast was overly boring to which Crash Gladys said it was actually a very good race trackside as apparently ABC was just focusing upon the leaders and not all of the passing going on mid-pack...

Yet since I cannot see anythingy during a night race on TV I really don’t know what to say, especially since I found Eddie Cheever who I’ve never been a fan of, to actually be the funniest of the Broadcast trio Sat night! Which to me speaks volumes about just how lackadaisical the show was...? As I knew we were in for trouble when it appeared Rick O’Doulz DeBruhl was tryin’ to channel his inner Jack ‘BRUT Arute-Arute with his intro banking piece; CRIKEYS, somebody CUT the rope!

Although it was SCARY how clearly I could S-E-E Castroneves’s face when doing the pre-race banter and holding still upon him during the close-ups, as why does Marky-Marc (Marco Andretti) just sound like such an entitled elitist snob every time I hear him speak? As I’m sure that Sunoco and DreamWorks are happy to have put their paint scheme & ‘Deckle’s on the number eleven - which wound-up P3 sandwiched between Ryan Hunter-Reay and Marco with ‘FAST EDDIE (Carpenter) actually fourth and one place ahead of Andretti with ‘Chebbie sweeping the Top-5 places... (Castroneves, RHR, ‘TK, Carpenter and Marco)

Thus, I just feel like I’ve been thru the proverbial ‘Spin Cycle after really not doing all that much besides watchin’ a hole bunch ‘O television the past few Dazes! Albeit it was  funny going to a ‘Kuhnaidiun football match on the same weekend as some ‘lil car race on Il Notre Dam...

From the Horses mouth...

Or as the esteemed ‘Awntie Harriet enjoys saying: “From the East End of a Horse going West!”

As speaking of controversy, is it just Mwah or did anybody else come to the conclusion that Kevin Lee & Curt Cavin are a bunch of Apologists in regards to their defending of crusty ‘Ol Panther Racing team owner John Barnes when playing his latest Foopah on Trackside this past Tuesday night.

Y’all know when he told Jake “The Riddler” Queiry in Detroit that I-T was “NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!” In regards to the “mutual” (Wink-Wink, Nudge-Nudge) parting; Err dismissal of J.R. Hildebrand... After all this KISS MY ARSE comment couldn’t of happened to a nicer guy, right? Hur-hur-hur!

As I have to agree with Oil Pressure upon this one, Barnes is simply an ARSEHOLE! Which in turn could have something to do with his never ending revolving door policy regarding drivers, including the late Dan Wheldon needing to sue him over lack of payment... NO Ryan Briscoe, this is the team you should question accepting a ride for in the future instead of having balked over the once downtrodden A.J. foyt Enterprises seat! As after all let’s not forget that Mr. Barnes was the one who lambasted the hardcore fan base a few years ago...

BarnSpeak: Fanbase Building 101

Then again apparently ousted Caterham driver Jarno Trulli isn’t feeling overly ‘Scrumptious towards his ex-Boss Tony Fernandes who apparently offered to pay him his full 2012 salary in exchange for the Italian making way for the better funded ‘Rooskie Vitaly ‘VO5 Petrov but has to date failed to fulfill his part of the bargain...

Trulli to sue Caterham boss Fernandes

And lastly, in what I somehow missed out upon due to Technical Difficulties, usually pleasant ‘aussie Daniel Ricciardo simply told Romain Grosjean “You’re an Idiot!” After the Frenchman rammed him from behind at Monaco, a la another Frenchman known here at No Fenders as le Hamburgular, nee Sebastain Bourdais ironically did to ‘Oz driver Will Power recently. With the beleaguered Lotus F1 driver having since been given a 10-place grid penalty for this weekend’s ‘Mont-Royal race upon le Circuit Gilles Villeneuve on Il Notre Dam.

As former Australian Formula 1 World Champion Alan Jones notes about the ever smiling 23yr old Ricciardo from Perth, “the grin belies a killer instinct.” Further noting, "Every person has two sides..." As why do Jones words immediately make me think of Will buxton indelibly labeling ‘Seb Vettel “The Smiling Assassin!”

Yet apparently the young Australian avoided sanction by staying cool and not throwing his gloves in Grosjean’s general direction like his countryman did to Bourdais at Belle Isle! For which both Power and ‘SeaBass have been placed upon probation for the remainder of the year from said incident...

Ricciardo calls Grosjean an idiot

If Bo Knows Indy Cars, then Where Did Chase go?

A.J. Foyt poses with Chase Austin as his legendary team announces entry for the young aspiring black racer in their second car for the 2013 Indy 500. (Source: indycar.com)

Now that A-L-L of the euphoria over this year’s just concluded Indy 500 is diminishing, and we’re off to Detroit, which used to hold some barn-burner Trans Am races, including the likes of Willy T amongst the ranks, I felt it was time to let this story fly the coop...

As I find it interesting how Alabama has an affinity for having a diverse selection of Grand Marshal’s for its annual IndyCar race, as this year’s selection Bo Jackson was infinitely better then last year’s overly long winded Bart Starr; CUT! I SAID CUT GAWD DAMN IT! GO TO COMMERCIAL... WTF? He’s still talking? Oh Never Mind!

Thus Bo was the polar opposite of Mr. Starr, as the ex-multi Pro-leagues (NFL/MLB) star was instead strapped into the back seat of thee “Fastest Seat in Showbiz” and instead just did a stoic version of Ladies and Gentlemen, start your engines! While I’ve previously mentioned how I found Leigh Diffey’s one liner ‘bout which is better Bo: running over Brian Bosworth or riding behind two time Indy 500 winner Arie Luyendyk? The Quip of the Barber weekend...

As my favourite memory of Bo Jackson isn’t his mockery of Brian (“the Boz”) Bosworth, when Bo ran so fast that he raced into the locker room tunnel when galloping roughshod over the entire Seattle Seahawks defense... Nope! Mine is when Bo nailed two homeruns into the 300-level nosebleed Kingdome seats squarely at the offending sign that read “Bo knows your Grandmother!”

Too big for IndyCar, Bo Jackson still loves cars

And thus this curiosity over the completely taboo and hushed disappearance of Chase Austin from his aforementioned B-I-G CARZ ride aboard A.J. foyt’s second entry, the No. 41 since occupied by another rookie from Noblesville named Conor Daly has been on my mind for quite awhile now - whilst the perceived colour barrier at Indianapolis was only jolted further to the top of my memory banks upon finally seeing the epic 42 movie recently! Which left me pondering a whole lot of more question’s about the apparent lack of Diversity in Open Wheel Racing...

As the movie 42 so brilliantly displays how all consuming the horrific racism covered our society immediately after World War II by Wendell Smith’s asking Jackie Robinson: “Do you ever wonder why I sit on the third base line with a typewriter on my knees in the stands?” As I was totally bamboozled over the fact that African Americans weren’t allowed in the nation’s media centers, nee press rooms of the day...

Jackie Robinson and sportswriter Wendell Smith: a team for the ages

And thus, by my very unscientific count, there have only been four Black American racecar drivers to ever race at Mother Speedway over her 104year history, with this startling lack of competitors being almost infinitesimal!

Willy T. Ribbs

DOB: 1/3/55; USA

Age: 58

Indy 500 Starts: 2

Best Finish: 21^st

Years: 1991, 1993

Although the casual racing fan would be quick to point out that “Louise ‘JAGUAR” Hamilton is the first black F1 driver, that honour actually belongs to William Theodore Ribbs instead, who beat the young Lewis to the punch by some two-plus decades when he took a spin aboard one of Bernie Ecclestone’s Brabham-BMW’s ‘Wayback in 1986, albeit only for testing purposes, as Ribbs wasn’t offered the ride by Uncle Bernaughty.

Yet Ribbs is best known for becoming the first African American to not only successfully qualify for the prestigious Indy 500 but race at the Speedway, which he did so for the fledgling Walker Motorsports entity in 1991 - as I can still recall seeing various teams crew members clapping and “High-fiving” Ribbs as he rolled down Pitlane after making the show...

Ribbs rolled off P29 from the middle of Row-10 upon qualifying his McDonald’s backed Lola/Buick at a speed of 217.350mph and was one of five rookies that year which included: Jeff Andretti, (11^th) Mike Groff, (18^th) Buddy Lazier (23^rd) and Hiro Matsushita, (24^th) who became the first Japanese driver to qualify for the 500. As Ribs finish would be less spectacular - finishing 32^nd after his Buick Done Blown Up on lap-5...

Willy has always been a brash figure, who’s early machismoism reportedly got him into being black listed by team owners, having been put on suspension for once punching an opponent. Yet Ribbs has also been given some breaks by the likes of Jim Trueman, the Ford Motor Company and Dan gurney to name a few - with Bill Cosby becoming his IndyCar benefactor before moving onto an abortive  IRL audition, a less than stellar NASCAR renaissance along with a season in PickemUp Trucks before ultimately retiring from motorsports, albeit making a brief comeback upon a One-off Indy Lights appearance at Baltimore aboard his own team’s No. 75 entry which was created  primarily to run his protégé Chase Austin.

Thus, its too bad that Ribbs won’t get to see Austin racing at the Brickyard upon the twentieth anniversary of  his final race in the Indy 500 - with Ribbs having been completely overshadowed by “Mansell Mania,” not to mention another subpar finish being classified as 21^st-place - running, albeit six laps down...

George Mack

DOB: 7/21/68; USA

Age: 44

Indy 500 Starts: 1

Best Finish: 17^th

Year: 2002

Really don’t know anything about this one ‘N done  (year) IRL driver, nor this mythic motorsports team 310 Racing he drove for during the 2002 campaign, as dare I say I-T? The Indy Racing League was desperate for competitors to fill its field, and after 310 Racing disbanded the following season due to lack of finances, Mack was never heard from again, albeit he was somehow linked to Curry Racing - as in the same Larry Curry? Which we’ll not dote upon Messer Curry who’s definitely got a spotty motorsports career, eh? As wisely Mack wanted nothing to do with Curry Racing as its third Hombre in the 2006 Craftsman Trucks series and has simply vanished from the racing scene after his lone outing at the Speedway eleven years ago...

Lewis Hamilton

DOB: 1/7/85; United Kingdom

Age: 28

World Championships: 1 (2008)

Fastest laps: 12

Poles: 27

Wins: 21

Years: 2007-Present

What more can I say about the young “Louise ‘JAGUAR” Hamilton that hasn’t already been said. As the Ron Dennis prodigy, who ultimately delivered the ‘Ronster’s final World Championship to date, has made what appears to be a somewhat brilliant move to Mercedes this year as  his Woking based competitors continue floundering.

Hamilton’s rise to the top was meteoric to say the least, having caught his racing bug by winning an RC championship as a ‘wee lad, before winning multiple Karting titles en route to progressing to single seaters, where Lewis won more titles in Formula Renault, F3 Euroseries and ultimately the GP2 crown in his debutant 2006 season.

Hamilton burst onto the F1 scene in ’07 much to the chagrin of teammate and reigning Double World Champion Fernando Alonso, who he effectively blew into the weeds! As Hamilton completed his North American “Double” by claiming the first two victories of his Formula 1 career by “Breaking his Duck” in Canada prior to dominating the ’07 USGP at Indianapolis, sadly its final race.

Thus obviously, Lewis is simply the most talented of our quartet of black racing drivers, who most likely was aided by being the only European whose gifted racing abilities were backed by McLaren’s Ron Dennis at the precocious age of 13! As I believe it’s rumoured that Hamilton’s grooming to F1 cost a cool $5m, which none of our other drivers have likely had such financial backing during their formative years...

New World Order

Chase Austin

DOB: 10/3/89; USA

Age: 23

Freedom 100 Starts: 2

Best Finish: 9^th

Years: 2011-12

Its too bad that Chase Austin has never gotten a proper chance to prove himself in either Stock Car or Open Wheel Racing, as the Kansas native seemingly is another prodigy waiting to be tapped - having won some 60-odd Go Karting events in his youth, and a total of 100-plus “W’s” in Karts, Sprints and Stock Cars.

And shame on Rick Hendrix, who after signing the 14-year old Austin to a driver developmental contract and running him in ASA competition, pulled the plug upon the program the following year. And ditto for Rusty Wallace who also signed the young talent to run him in the Busch series before also shutting down its program for Austin, who saw limited action between 2007-10 in both the NASCAR Busch and Craftsman Trucks series before finding himself out of a ride permanently.

Thus in 2011 in regards to his mentor’s twentieth anniversary of making the B-I-G RACE at Indianapolis, Chase was tapped to drive the No. 75 Willy T. Ribbs/Brooks Associates Indy Lights entry in that year’s Freedom 100, as the entry was co-managed by Chris Miles, Ribbs and Michael Brooks with financial backing largely from American Honda.

Austin started second from last in P17 and ultimately finished ninth in his Indy Lights debut - with that year’s winner being Joseph Newgarden en route to the series title.

For the 2012 Freedom 100 Austin ran for Juncos Racing, starting 16^th and finishing 10^th, before having his glitzy press conference alongside A.J. foyt in August to announce that he’d be graduating to the B-I-G CARZ for the 2013 Indy 500 as part of Honda’s continued Diversity campaign.

Yet as we all know, Chirp-Chirp, has anybody seen Chase? The deal went horribly sour as speculation suggests that Chris Miles failed to deliver the necessary funding for the project, albeit I’d swear I heard Conor Daly claiming it was nice to be getting paid for once - instead of needing to bring the requisite funding for his IndyCar debut at the Speedway. Which if true, seems a bit odd that the Austin deal didn’t come to fruition - or was this just simply a convenient way to dump the lesser known Austin in favour of the more talented Daly? As obviously we’ll never know, although I still say it seems odd that Honda didn’t help see I-T through.

Yet perhaps in hindsight, this is the best move possible for black racing drivers at Indianapolis - since where would it have led to if Austin had less than a stellar outing? And even then this was simply a “One-off” race as apparently NO IndyCar, nor Indy Lights team owners for the matter have exactly been knocking on Austin’s door recently, eh?

Yet it still would have been refreshing to see Austin racing in the Indy 500 this year and hence, hopefully we’ll see him there in the near future...

A.J. Foyt to enter Chase Austin in 2013 Indy 500

UPDATE

This “toothy” Youtube video was released by Starting Grid Inc (SGI) on Monday, May 20^th - apparently in an effort of Damage Control,”  (would Y’all wanna buy a used car from this guy?) as I’d heard that this would be happening a day prior to it’s going “viral.” Thus Chase Austin’s Open Wheel career apparently will have a slight renaissance, since it appears this is just a “One-off” race which I’d say is largely to “Save Face,” eh? (For the various parties involved in this Foopah...)

As Bryan Herta Autosports dusted off one of its old Indy Lights chassis in order to insert Chase into the No. 28 for the Freedom 100 - where Austin qualified ninth and finished eighth in a field comprising of a paltry eleven entries... As Chase ran a solo race virtually all day at the back, albeit it was his first time in a Lights car since last year’s Freedom 100 and I don’t think he’s exactly gotten a ton of seat time lately!

 Word came after the Indy 500 weekend (from an unconfirmed source) that reportedly Austin will run a second Indy Lights race at Iowa this season, which it’d be nice if it could help jump start his stillborn Open Wheel Racing career, with even perhaps a potential path to an eventual running of the Indianapolis 500 one day in the future...

VIDEO: Statement upon Chase Austin’s Indy 500 Departure

’TK on the Late Show...

In case Y’all haven’t heard? 2013 Indy 500 winner ‘TK Follow-your-Schnoz Kanaan will be on tonight’s Late Show with David Letterman, so set them DVR’s, TIBO - NOT to be ‘Cornfuzed with that Tebo guy; Hya! Or whatever recordin’ devices Y’all use, as rumour has it that he’ll be sportin’ his new Kojak “who ‘LUVS yuh Baby!” doo after having gone blonde for the weekend...

Kanaan dyes hair blonde to settle bet with pal ‘Rubino

And I haven’t had time to read I-T yet, but according to Trackside Online, this is a great article with Tony delving into such life issues as losing his Dad, Greg Moore and Dan Wheldon...

Indy 500 Champion tony Kanaan on Misfortune

The Tomaso Files: From the Heights of Indy and back to the Normalcy of the Tepid Northwest...

Another of TK’s lucky charms, Alex Zanardi in the garage area after the race. (Photo/Susan Phillips; image source: oilpressure.com)

Ah, I suppose “MonnKnockoe:” nee Monte Carlo’s Monaco is Juan “O those must go places to put upon your virtual “bucket-list;” URGH! Cannot even begin tellin’ ‘Yall how much I despise the term “Bucket-list;” Oh Never Mind! As hopefully Y’all will allow me to wax on in what thee “Better Half” of Oil Pressure has just cleverly denoted as PIDD, Post-Indy Depressive Disorder)

 Nice ‘Juan Susan; Hya!

Alas, as a visually impaired ‘Vurd Botcherer, who’s eyesight is continuously deteriorating - I simply go to whichever events I’m fortunate enough to have people willing to escort  me  about the event’s facilities, along with taking me to the race...

Thus, although I’d prefer that Indy Cars return to my Home track Portland International Raceway; due to this ‘lil ‘BLOB thingy, as ‘Auawntie Harriet christened I-T all those years ago, instead I’ve adopted GULP! An Oval track... As my one ‘N only IndyCar event of the season each year Thanxs largely to ‘CARPETS and Daniel Baines Cooper, both of Indiana fame, along with the three Hosers from Toronto: Rob, Mark and Simon who all put up with me and help me get around town and the fabled Speedway! Plus I suppose I should include thee Three Mouseketeers and ‘lil Napoleon, aka ‘TG (Tony George) for putting the Band back together; Uhm, I mean for reuniting the two hopelessly deflated Open Wheel Racing series of Chump Carz and thee IRL...

And Walluh, Thanxs to the Mergification, (which took way too LONG to occur) your humble No Fenders scribe decided to attend his debutant Indy 500 race for Centennial Rd 1, nee the Twenty-oh-Nine event where GASP! I witnessed not only ‘HULIO becoming a three-time winner, but FRICK!  Queen ‘Danicker scoring the highest place finish ever by a woman - finishing third that warm spring day...

So although I suppose I’d enjoy a ‘Walkabout thru thee Principality (Monte Carlo) during the Grand Prix weekend, instead I had the good fortune of spending Memorial Day weekend once again at Mother Speedway! As I think its safe to say my Rookie stripes are off now, since this would be my fourth I500 outing, of which I’m circuitously making my way round Indianapolis Motor Speedway by having now sat in my fourth different locale this May, from the dizzying heights of entrance into the IMS Media Centre’s lair as the first wave of bloggers. To the Front Straightaway, Turn-2 and now Turn-4, as I really hope we’ll skip turn-3.

Bloggers invade Indy

Thus, it seemed a tad bit funny that the day prior to leaving it was a balmy 46 degrees-f and RAINING in Seattle when I went to go purchase some sun tan lotion for Indianapolis, albeit I was hoping that the pre-race forecasts were correct, having seen very comfortable temperatures ranging between 64-70deg-f on Raceday?

Yet even funnier yet, was how Seattle had not only broken its record high temperature from 1957 a Fortnight earlier, with a very unseasonable 87-degrees, but had tied for warmest city in the nation with Phoenix, AZ that very day - while now its some 30-degrees cooler; but I digress...

Race fans don jackets for Sunday’s Indy 500, the chilliest race day in a decade

And thus, as you’re probably saying enough with the weather dribble already Mate, what superlatives can I try using to describe this year’s outing at Mother Speedway? Since I’ll probably get shot for saying this, but, I far more enjoy Carb Day and Legends Day then the race itself, albeit I also enjoy the races actual running, while my favourite portion of the Pre-race festivities Hands Down is ‘Ol Gomer Pyle, nee Jimmy Neighbors singing Back Home Again in Indiana. As I think it was FANTASTIC that he was finally able to marry his partner in Seattle! And sounded better than ever this year at the ripe old age of 82, while I’d be extremely happy to never hear Sandy Patty ever sing the national anthem again - Ditto for Mrs. Brady returning to sing America the Beautiful; but I digress...

Although apparently another “record” crowd of 75,000 attended Carb Day, I found it to be relatively relaxed and not overly crowded for the most part, ignoring the multiple people bouncing off of Mwah whilst standing along the front straight’s Pitlane during the Pit Stop contest.

And little did I know that I’d get the privilege of “Meeting ‘N Greeting” four of the 2013 field’s competing drivers, getting to shake hands and ‘Talk Smart with ‘FAST EDDIE, aka Ed Carpenter, this year’s Pole winner. Next up was the ultra enjoyable Mayor ‘O Hinchtown, or simply ‘Hinch, nee James Hinchcliffe - who was ultra kOOL! Then it was a somewhat weary RHR (Ryan Hunter-Reay) and finally a very pleasant chat with Ryan Briscoe before the weekend’s piece de la resistance... Ready? Drumroll please; Tuh Duh! I got to meet the ‘legendous el Zorro, nee Alex Zanardi; aye Karumba!

Of whom I’ve scribbled ‘bout previously for my other blog in:

A Look back at one of the Unheralded Athletes competing in this year’s Paralympics...

All of which was sandwiched in-between a very AWESOME finish to this year’s Indy Lights Freedom 100, with an unheard of four-wide photo finish on the final lap!

On Saturday, the Five Amigos went back to Mother Speedway and while the three Hosers spent copious amounts of time pursuing the day’s cache of coveted racing memorabilia, Dave once again graciously guided me thru the Legends Day’s second session - where I chose Line B strictly to get the esteemed ‘King Hiro’s “John Hancock,” as I’d seen Hiro Matsushita in action several times at Portland Int’l Raceway, along at Vancouver BC’s Molson Indy and even have his 1/64 Hot Wheels IndyCar buried in one of my numerous boxes - having chosen Hiro over the more sought after Mario Andretti in Line A, since I’d already gotten his autograph the year before.

Actually, I’d gotten about half of the driver’s signatures last year, as we managed to make it thru both of the lines in an hour-plus. And hence I got to meet some 21-drivers this year...

What can I say about Sunday’s race, which I’m trying not to let the absolute CLUSTERFUCK over gaining entrance to the Brickyard on Raceday thanxs solely to the highly RETARDED new cooler checking procedures overshadow the race itself,. As one small benefit of the Sequester was the much more soothing tones of six vintage piston powered aircraft doing the flyover vs. military jets...

Indy 500 fans angered by long lines to enter track

And the race was GURR-REAT!!! And seemingly went down in a virtual blink of an eye due to the record setting 133-laps of Green Flag running which in turn led to establishing the new fastest race, breaking the 1990 record.

And unlike years past, I only wished for two drivers NOT to win, as I’d prefer to see the three four time winners remain un-joined, otherwise I was not opposed to any of the other drivers winning and was actually chanting ‘TK-TK-TK with fingers crossed prior to the race’s final restart, so was very happy with Tony Kanaan’s victory...

And fortunately Simon read to me both Saturday’s qualifying and Sunday’s race reports from the Monaco Grand Prix which previously I’ve hushed them from telling me anything... Which I suppose was an omen of what I’d discover upon returning home that I’d put the ‘Telie on the WRONG channel and thus recorded 3.5hrs of blather on duh “Peacock-lite,” nee NBC Sports Network instead of aligning the TV channel on NBC, who’s showing four events on the Big Brother channel this year; FRICK!

And I won’t even belabor Y’all with my travails of getting stranded in Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport for some 7.5hrs; SHEISA! In order to return to a gray, cloudy, and humid Seattle, as I walked to the grocery store for some much needed supplies Wednesday afternoon and could actually feel the moisture in the air landing upon my woolen stocking cap along with gortex raincoat just in case, eh? Even needing to readjust the heaters to the on position upon returning from Indianapolis, before spending the entire day whilst typing this on my keyboard to the sounds of multiple weed wackers, bush cutters, dump trucks and the steam cleaning van all noisily working away outside my Apartment complex; ACK!

As the joyous sounds of 33-racecars circulating continuously around Mother Speedway have been replaced with the grating sounds of shrubbery maintenance which has given way to the requisite dull thumping of some Yeahoo’s car stereo system - all of which is making me yearn for some piece ‘N quiet instead of the droning of Suburbia, as hey after all, I suppose there’s a reason they made that classic movie Sleepless in Seattle, right?