Monday, June 3, 2013

The Tomaso Files: From the Heights of Indy and back to the Normalcy of the Tepid Northwest...

Another of TK’s lucky charms, Alex Zanardi in the garage area after the race. (Photo/Susan Phillips; image source: oilpressure.com)
Ah, I suppose “MonnKnockoe:” nee Monte Carlo’s Monaco is Juan “O those must go places to put upon your virtual “bucket-list;” URGH! Cannot even begin tellin’ ‘Yall how much I despise the term “Bucket-list;” Oh Never Mind! As hopefully Y’all will allow me to wax on in what thee “Better Half” of Oil Pressure has just cleverly denoted as PIDD, Post-Indy Depressive Disorder)
 Nice ‘Juan Susan; Hya!

Alas, as a visually impaired ‘Vurd Botcherer, who’s eyesight is continuously deteriorating - I simply go to whichever events I’m fortunate enough to have people willing to escort  me  about the event’s facilities, along with taking me to the race...

Thus, although I’d prefer that Indy Cars return to my Home track Portland International Raceway; due to this ‘lil ‘BLOB thingy, as ‘Auawntie Harriet christened I-T all those years ago, instead I’ve adopted GULP! An Oval track... As my one ‘N only IndyCar event of the season each year Thanxs largely to ‘CARPETS and Daniel Baines Cooper, both of Indiana fame, along with the three Hosers from Toronto: Rob, Mark and Simon who all put up with me and help me get around town and the fabled Speedway! Plus I suppose I should include thee Three Mouseketeers and ‘lil Napoleon, aka ‘TG (Tony George) for putting the Band back together; Uhm, I mean for reuniting the two hopelessly deflated Open Wheel Racing series of Chump Carz and thee IRL...

And Walluh, Thanxs to the Mergification, (which took way too LONG to occur) your humble No Fenders scribe decided to attend his debutant Indy 500 race for Centennial Rd 1, nee the Twenty-oh-Nine event where GASP! I witnessed not only ‘HULIO becoming a three-time winner, but FRICK!  Queen ‘Danicker scoring the highest place finish ever by a woman - finishing third that warm spring day...

So although I suppose I’d enjoy a ‘Walkabout thru thee Principality (Monte Carlo) during the Grand Prix weekend, instead I had the good fortune of spending Memorial Day weekend once again at Mother Speedway! As I think its safe to say my Rookie stripes are off now, since this would be my fourth I500 outing, of which I’m circuitously making my way round Indianapolis Motor Speedway by having now sat in my fourth different locale this May, from the dizzying heights of entrance into the IMS Media Centre’s lair as the first wave of bloggers. To the Front Straightaway, Turn-2 and now Turn-4, as I really hope we’ll skip turn-3.


Thus, it seemed a tad bit funny that the day prior to leaving it was a balmy 46 degrees-f and RAINING in Seattle when I went to go purchase some sun tan lotion for Indianapolis, albeit I was hoping that the pre-race forecasts were correct, having seen very comfortable temperatures ranging between 64-70deg-f on Raceday?

Yet even funnier yet, was how Seattle had not only broken its record high temperature from 1957 a Fortnight earlier, with a very unseasonable 87-degrees, but had tied for warmest city in the nation with Phoenix, AZ that very day - while now its some 30-degrees cooler; but I digress...


And thus, as you’re probably saying enough with the weather dribble already Mate, what superlatives can I try using to describe this year’s outing at Mother Speedway? Since I’ll probably get shot for saying this, but, I far more enjoy Carb Day and Legends Day then the race itself, albeit I also enjoy the races actual running, while my favourite portion of the Pre-race festivities Hands Down is ‘Ol Gomer Pyle, nee Jimmy Neighbors singing Back Home Again in Indiana. As I think it was FANTASTIC that he was finally able to marry his partner in Seattle! And sounded better than ever this year at the ripe old age of 82, while I’d be extremely happy to never hear Sandy Patty ever sing the national anthem again - Ditto for Mrs. Brady returning to sing America the Beautiful; but I digress...

Although apparently another “record” crowd of 75,000 attended Carb Day, I found it to be relatively relaxed and not overly crowded for the most part, ignoring the multiple people bouncing off of Mwah whilst standing along the front straight’s Pitlane during the Pit Stop contest.

And little did I know that I’d get the privilege of “Meeting ‘N Greeting” four of the 2013 field’s competing drivers, getting to shake hands and ‘Talk Smart with ‘FAST EDDIE, aka Ed Carpenter, this year’s Pole winner. Next up was the ultra enjoyable Mayor ‘O Hinchtown, or simply ‘Hinch, nee James Hinchcliffe - who was ultra kOOL! Then it was a somewhat weary RHR (Ryan Hunter-Reay) and finally a very pleasant chat with Ryan Briscoe before the weekend’s piece de la resistance... Ready? Drumroll please; Tuh Duh! I got to meet the ‘legendous el Zorro, nee Alex Zanardi; aye Karumba!

Of whom I’ve scribbled ‘bout previously for my other blog in:

All of which was sandwiched in-between a very AWESOME finish to this year’s Indy Lights Freedom 100, with an unheard of four-wide photo finish on the final lap!

On Saturday, the Five Amigos went back to Mother Speedway and while the three Hosers spent copious amounts of time pursuing the day’s cache of coveted racing memorabilia, Dave once again graciously guided me thru the Legends Day’s second session - where I chose Line B strictly to get the esteemed ‘King Hiro’s “John Hancock,” as I’d seen Hiro Matsushita in action several times at Portland Int’l Raceway, along at Vancouver BC’s Molson Indy and even have his 1/64 Hot Wheels IndyCar buried in one of my numerous boxes - having chosen Hiro over the more sought after Mario Andretti in Line A, since I’d already gotten his autograph the year before.

Actually, I’d gotten about half of the driver’s signatures last year, as we managed to make it thru both of the lines in an hour-plus. And hence I got to meet some 21-drivers this year...

What can I say about Sunday’s race, which I’m trying not to let the absolute CLUSTERFUCK over gaining entrance to the Brickyard on Raceday thanxs solely to the highly RETARDED new cooler checking procedures overshadow the race itself,. As one small benefit of the Sequester was the much more soothing tones of six vintage piston powered aircraft doing the flyover vs. military jets...


And the race was GURR-REAT!!! And seemingly went down in a virtual blink of an eye due to the record setting 133-laps of Green Flag running which in turn led to establishing the new fastest race, breaking the 1990 record.

And unlike years past, I only wished for two drivers NOT to win, as I’d prefer to see the three four time winners remain un-joined, otherwise I was not opposed to any of the other drivers winning and was actually chanting ‘TK-TK-TK with fingers crossed prior to the race’s final restart, so was very happy with Tony Kanaan’s victory...

And fortunately Simon read to me both Saturday’s qualifying and Sunday’s race reports from the Monaco Grand Prix which previously I’ve hushed them from telling me anything... Which I suppose was an omen of what I’d discover upon returning home that I’d put the ‘Telie on the WRONG channel and thus recorded 3.5hrs of blather on duh “Peacock-lite,” nee NBC Sports Network instead of aligning the TV channel on NBC, who’s showing four events on the Big Brother channel this year; FRICK!

And I won’t even belabor Y’all with my travails of getting stranded in Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport for some 7.5hrs; SHEISA! In order to return to a gray, cloudy, and humid Seattle, as I walked to the grocery store for some much needed supplies Wednesday afternoon and could actually feel the moisture in the air landing upon my woolen stocking cap along with gortex raincoat just in case, eh? Even needing to readjust the heaters to the on position upon returning from Indianapolis, before spending the entire day whilst typing this on my keyboard to the sounds of multiple weed wackers, bush cutters, dump trucks and the steam cleaning van all noisily working away outside my Apartment complex; ACK!

As the joyous sounds of 33-racecars circulating continuously around Mother Speedway have been replaced with the grating sounds of shrubbery maintenance which has given way to the requisite dull thumping of some Yeahoo’s car stereo system - all of which is making me yearn for some piece ‘N quiet instead of the droning of Suburbia, as hey after all, I suppose there’s a reason they made that classic movie Sleepless in Seattle, right?

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