Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The Tomaso Files: Doin’ the Time Warp thingy!

As I seem to lament quite a bit lately, where does A-L-L of the FREAKIN’ time go? As I simply feel like I’ve been on a virtual treadmill running nonstop ever since returning from Indy! I mean jeesh; I don’t seem to be able from keeping this ‘lil BLOB thingy from controlling my life!

Case-in-point, tried sitting down to finally watch my tape of the Monaco Grand Prix which I’d stumbled into hearing of the rebroadcast upon duh ‘Peacock-lite (NBCSN) a day after returning home very LATE from Indianapolis, Thanxs United Airlines! As let’s just say its NOT “The Friendly Skies” anymore! (Hmm? What do Yuhs mean this isn’t my gate?) As I’d have enjoyed watching the SENNA movie again which was unexpectedly being shown prior to the MonnNockoe GP and thus I raced to set the ‘Ol Memorex machine “Justin-time” since I was exhausted from my ordeal of being stranded in Chicago for 8hrs! Yeah Dave, I really was!

As I’d mentioned previously, before leaving for Indy I’d forgotten that it was the first of four F1 telecasts upon the BIG Brother Peacock (NBC) channel and thus had recorded 3.5hrs of gobbly-gook instead which I discovered the Wednesday after Indy when turning on le Telescreen; SHEISA!

Yet after watching the first portion of the rebroadcast which was pretty lame since A) NBCSN did NOT show the Pre-race and B) I couldn’t make anythingy out since it was late at night and my eyeballs were tired - I gave up on trying to watch I-T! As it would take me a further week’s time before forcing myself to sit down and watch the tape - which of course was interrupted by the telephone ringing off the hook Nonstop five times; hey people, I’m trying to listen to a race; Hooah!

And although I knew the results, I still didn’t know how it’d played out, as Pastor Maldonado’s accident was a wicked looking crash! While I had to stop scribblin’ this in order to go hunt for any info upon Felipe Massa’s second accident where he’d been placed in a neck brace for precaution, as thankfully both drivers are expecting to race at Montreal, ironically - or perhaps not? Both drivers will be racing brand new chassis since their current steeds didn’t keep on ticking after the ‘Mega licking they received in Monaco!

And inexplicably, may be it’s the tape? The sound cut out completely during the latter stages  of  the race’s ending and thus I missed out verbally upon “Frenchie” Romain Grosjean’s ramming of Daniel Ricciardo, although I did enjoy mightily ‘Brittany’s, nee Nico Rosberg’s masterful holding off the entire field some four times upon multiple restarts, including one red flag period, especially since he kept ‘Wunderkin ‘Seb Vettel at bay, as hey Sebastian, if they’re truly “Tour busses” then you shouldn’t have any trouble zipping around them, right?

As Mary Ellen has come up with the perfect vernacular towards Master ‘Zebb, by telling me that he’s a sore loser and a ‘lil TWINKIE! (After I’d mentioned his taking a swipe at Nico about ‘Merc Tour busses...) As I’ve now taken a ‘Shine On to calling him “TWINKIE-BOY; Hya!

Whilst I found it even funnier yet reading that on the same day after watching the Monaco race thee original ‘Iceman, nee ‘Kimster, aka Kimi Raikkonen had said to the media that somebody outta PUNCH Sergio Perez, which for some reason made me think of ‘Ol Arrogant, a.k.a Ayrton Senna losing I-T over “Irv-the-Swerve (Eddie Irvine) all those year’s ago in Suzuka...

Yet, I must confess that this is the most disjointed feeling F1 season for Mwah yet, as I’ve managed to miss three; Err two races live, albeit I chose to NOT watch Bahrain as some small token of protest. As I was just waiting to sit down ‘N watch; Err listen to Friday’s second Free Practice session from Il Notre Dam (when beginning this latest tale ‘O woe) since it was on at a very pleasant 11AM Pacific time...

And as expected, what’s dubiously being referred to as ‘Test-gate, the secretly private Pirelli-Mercedes tyre test was all the rage in ‘Mont royal as ‘Awntie Harriet likens I-T, although ‘Wee Willie Buxom (Will Buxton) had a very valid point. How insane is I-T that Pirelli are expected to prepare rubber for a new style chassis for next season’s racing without the use of a modern day racecar?

Thus having sat thru a fairly mundane Friday practice, I suppose the most entertaining bit was when Steve Matchett came up with what I could hear in my head ‘Hobbo saying is that a technical term? As he described the Super Soft (alternate) rubber as sticky chewing gum; Hooah!

Sitting thru ‘Qualie, I found my mind wandering as always, albeit fortunately I wasn’t trying to fix any holes where the rain gets in like it was doing upon the St Lawrence waterway, as you’ve gotta feel for Felipe Massa, having his third smash-up in two weeks time, as apparently the affable Brazilian is feeling the heat of contract extensions, eh? Although I’m still perplexed over why Nico Rosberg would wish to go to Ferrari and be a definitive No. 2 driver...

Nico, Alonso is FASTER than you; can you confirm that please!

And as I’ve tried typing this now (Monday afternoon) in the past 80mins for NO reason the power’s gone Off/On twice - two mini-power spikes causing me to LOSE portions of this riveting tail; CRIKEYS! Hey, I just got the power bill, so give me a break... Actually the office sez it’s going on A-L-L over the place and they think it must be the utility company; Hmm? Lets see the main street in front of our complex is under construction; Oh Never Mind! As I digress, eh?

As its funny - better FREAKIN’ file this N-O-W! What I remember most ‘bout the Mont-Royal qualifying is being extremely PISSED OFF at NBCSN! As I was looking forward to getting to hear Team ‘Willy’s rookie Finn Valtteri Bottas speak for the first time; BUTT NO-OOOO-OOO!!!!!!!! Due to the Red flag and needing to try keeping the Test-gate scandal alive ‘N well they had to cut ‘N RUN and henceforth chopped OFF the post ‘Qualie interviews after letting TWINKIE-BOY speak; FUCK YOU NBCSN!

Telling us to go to nbcsports-dot-com to watch I-T! Uh, NO Guys I can’t FUCKING find I-T on your HORRENDOUS Stick ‘N Ball website, so I guess I’ll haveda try Youtube instead...

Claire Williams
Team Williams team deputy principal stated emphatically: "I am convinced," along with being quoted by Kolner Express newspaper, "that we have a future world champion on our hands." (In regards to Bottas’s performance...)

As hopefully the evening’s broadcast would go better since I’d be recording the Texas IndyCar race later that night,  since I had fortunately been invited to go see the Sounders FC BEAT the Vancouver Whitecaps at Der ‘Clink, nee Century Link Field, the first of four expanded 50,000 seating games - before returning to watch the ‘Kuhnaidiun GP Sunday! As it’ll be tough NOT hearing the results of Texas before watching the tape, right?

As the Sounders match was quite exhilarating, with 53,679 ravenous, raucous fist pumping chest wavin’ Fans going berserk over their bee ‘LUV-ed soccer; Err Football team... As fortunately my prediction of their win prior to the match was ultimately correct, albeit a nail-biter for most of the game!

And isn’t it funny how the driver and team boss doing the most crying, screaming ‘N bitching over ‘Test-gate happen to be Vettel and his Err, Uhm? Team Boss, Christian Horner yeah that’s the ticket... As Vettel so thoroughly decimated the field that they hardly even showed him at all on thee ‘Telie, instead focusing upon Alonso v Hamilton, with Fredrico Suave getting the better of Lewis - with Steve Matchett trying to conjure up some controversy by reporting upon Alonso allegedly passing a fellow competitor under a yellow flag - which seemingly has fallen by the wayside...

Thus, the funniest part of thee WHOLE race to Mwah was the live podium interviews w/selected guests, with Sunday's being the plucky Irishman 'EJ. (Eddie Jordan) 

As the FUNNY part was that the crowd actually BOOED 'TWINKIE-BOY and he retorted back, Oh, its not that bad is it? And they just started chanting FER-NANDO FER-NANDO FER-NANDO thru most of his interview, as Alonso even greeted the crowd by saying Bon jour... And I suppose the partisan Immer Ferrari crowd may be due in some part to native son Gilles Villeneuve driving the legendary scarlet No. 27, eh? But I-T was still HILLARIOUS hearing the crowd drowning out Vettel with their chanting of Fernando’s name! 

As all of this went on, along with my watching; Err listening to the most mundane Texas IndyCar race while my neighbor worked ALL day long on installing new headers onto his classic (early-90’s) Mustang with the offending exhaust pointing directly towards my patio’s sliding door and an unseemly LOUD amount ‘O noise reverberating thru my frumpy ‘lil abode all day long - and up ‘til sunset, making it exceedingly irksome trying to watch; Err listen to the FREAKIN’ Telie; URGH! (As it sounds like they’re FUCKING around on I-T again as the sun dips towards the equator once again Monday night...)

As my headache grew stronger I went ‘N listened to the Speed Freaks who had a very tired ‘HULIO on the show, as the ‘Sarge repeatedly inquired ‘bout whether he was wearin’ his “Speed Freaks thong? As I think Kenny has a Man-crush upon him? Yet he did have a valid point about how the telecast was overly boring to which Crash Gladys said it was actually a very good race trackside as apparently ABC was just focusing upon the leaders and not all of the passing going on mid-pack...

Yet since I cannot see anythingy during a night race on TV I really don’t know what to say, especially since I found Eddie Cheever who I’ve never been a fan of, to actually be the funniest of the Broadcast trio Sat night! Which to me speaks volumes about just how lackadaisical the show was...? As I knew we were in for trouble when it appeared Rick O’Doulz DeBruhl was tryin’ to channel his inner Jack ‘BRUT Arute-Arute with his intro banking piece; CRIKEYS, somebody CUT the rope!

Although it was SCARY how clearly I could S-E-E Castroneves’s face when doing the pre-race banter and holding still upon him during the close-ups, as why does Marky-Marc (Marco Andretti) just sound like such an entitled elitist snob every time I hear him speak? As I’m sure that Sunoco and DreamWorks are happy to have put their paint scheme & ‘Deckle’s on the number eleven - which wound-up P3 sandwiched between Ryan Hunter-Reay and Marco with ‘FAST EDDIE (Carpenter) actually fourth and one place ahead of Andretti with ‘Chebbie sweeping the Top-5 places... (Castroneves, RHR, ‘TK, Carpenter and Marco)

Thus, I just feel like I’ve been thru the proverbial ‘Spin Cycle after really not doing all that much besides watchin’ a hole bunch ‘O television the past few Dazes! Albeit it was  funny going to a ‘Kuhnaidiun football match on the same weekend as some ‘lil car race on Il Notre Dam...