Friday, September 27, 2019

INDYCAR: Thou Chequered Flag Flies with Gripping 2019 Season Finale Finish in Monterey

Simon Pagenaud autographed "Hero" Card obtained during 2014 Sonoma IndyCar race weekend. (The Tomaso Collection)
A triumphant return to Monterey's Laguna Seca Raceway, with its signature Bits 'O Tarmac, i.e.; Andretti Hairpin, Rainey Curve and Rahal Straight. But Puh-puh-please, Knock Off this Herta House Insania!

Otay, I'll admit I'm a Glutton for Punishment, but; Especially since I only continue paying for monthly Cable TV Service in order to watch; Err  listen to Motorsports, nee IndyCar and Formula 1...

I eagerly awaited IndyCar's Season Finale from one of my favourite Racetracks, Monterey's iconic Laguna Seca Raceway, which Gasp, I first set foot upon a quarter of a century ago; But I Digress, especially since I've never seen IndyCar's race Thar...

Meanwhile, thou waves 'O Synchronicity come Ah-crashin' Down once again here upon thou Isle 'O Nofendersville. Since it weren't planned, but it's somewhat Karmic that I just so happened to begin listening to John Steinbeck's Cannery Row on CD Audiobook format the very same weekend of IndyCar's return!

Not to mention that the last time I visited Monterey, briefly carousin' Cannery Row and going for Walkabout in Carmel was '04, the very last year Champ Cars visited Laguna Seca Raceway!

Thus I Tuned-in' for the always Agro' inducing Pre-amble. As know you're just doing your job Leigh Diffey, but Seriously Dude? The Most Unbelievable Season Ever; BARF!

An Oh Shit!  Marty Snidely Whiplash! Snyder's back; GROAN! But at least my Numero Uno Pitlane Boy Professor B', thou Original JB', aka Jon Beekhuis is Onsite too! Along with Oh No, Wuh-Wuh-Wuh-Wipeout "Mr. bill!" (Kevin Lee) IndyCar's 'Ol Curmudgeon R' *Robin Miller( and The "Thompson Twins," nee Mr. Chrome Horn', aka PT' (Paul Tracy) and Townsend T-Bell' topside.

Whilst once again, Townsend had the Quip of the Day, when noting that the Dust-up On-track between Buddies Marco Andretti and Conor Daly looked like him and PT' in a pair of Rental Cars; Hya!

And it's S-A-D! How Yuhs can spend the entire race Yelling profusely to get that 'lil Punk! Although I know one of 'Ol R's, aka robin Miller's much mentioned Tag-lines is Hate's Good! I flashed upon the thought following Saturday's Qualie' outcome that I'd just found my new HULIO', as Helio Castroneves used to be my No. 1 IndyCar Villain.

And He'll probably be wearin' thou moniker for many years to come, especially since he's just a teenager. As I simply cannot stand the constant Non-stop Never ending 100% LUV-Fest Crush Colton Herta gets from the entire NBC Sports Network TV Crew; SPEW!

As BFD! Guess who also has two IndyCar career wins to his tally? Marco Andretti, who Ain't exactly lit-up the IndyCar landscape...

As I'm not gonna try recapping the entire race, which I'm calling gripping, since Tyre Deg' (Degradation) certainly kept me on the edge of my couch the majority of the race. For which I'd say Firestone did Thar job!

Wanting to know if one of the title competitors would go totally Off-strategy to Win? Since the Flinstone' Red Alternate Rubber seemed to only last a maximum of 21-laps, meaning it'd be at least a Three-stopper race at 90-laps duration.

Hey NBC! (Nothing But Commercials) Turn U-P the Bloody Sound! Like I'm so Tired of Hearing nothing but the ROAR of the engines making it Hard to follow along what the Announcers are saying, Eh? I said Gory Speak Up eh!

Not to mention I'm 86% certain it was the Whir/Whine of a Camera On A Wire, since I Didn't Hear Nothin' when I muted thou TV.

Thus, presumably it was racing Up 'N Down The Corkscrew that Leigh Diffey sez' is 153-feet elevation change! Along with some Narly 16% Grade! Although Paul Tracy claimed Yuhs only Dropped Six Stories; Aye Karumba!

While I've got nothing against Josef Newgarden, who I once was a Huge Fan of during his formative Sarah Fisher Racing Days, I found myself Rootin' the entire race instead for another of my past favourites to pull a Wabbit' from his Firesuit and Steal the Astor Cup instead!

As I thought it'd be wonderful if Simon Pagenaud could somehow vault from third Overall to P1? While Y'all might be saying, what 'bout My Un-Penske' Andretti Autosport Boy Alexander Rossi? Who I totally want to see win an IndyCar Championship, but he just doesn't seem to be able to Close the Dealio, and never seemed in true contention Sunday.

Simon Pagenaud - McGilvery's Pub & Eatery, 2013
Yet Pageantry' ran into a Brick Wall, or should that be a solid wall of Ice Blocks? Hya! As in a one Cool Kiwi known as Scotty Thee Iceman' Dixon, ultimately tusslin' over the podium's final step, which Dixon kept much to Pagenaud's dismay. Since he needed to win, with the 2019 Indianapolis 500 winner ultimately finishing P4 and runner-up for the Championship.

Yet my Drive of The Day definitely goes to that other Rookie Bad Arse. A Swede' by the name of Felix Rosenqvist who with a mighty Chip upon his Shoulder, NO Pun Intended! Drove from 14th to a fine fifth to claim IndyCar's Rookie Of the Year (ROY) Honours. Not to mention finishing sixth Overall Points-wise, One position Ahead of, Ahem Colton!

Autographed Will Power "Hero" Card from Sonoma, the year he finally Clinched the IndyCar Championship. (The Tomaso Collection)
As I spent the last half of the race, Whale at least the final two regular Pit stops Yelling at thou Telescreen for Gulp! Another past favourite and Team Penske Driver named Will Power to get that little BLEEP to NO Avail!

Yeah, so the Kid had a Breakout rookie IndyCar campaign; So What! He's still got miles to go, and I think that the Competition's only gonna get tougher Overall!

As I Don't dispute Colton Herta's Driving talent, but He's just a 'lil too Smug for Mwah, and I'm tired of the Silver Platter treatment he seems to be getting...

While somehow I've got a feeling that the rest of the IndyCar Drivers aren't gonna just lay down for The Kid! Surely not having seen the last of Dixon, Rossi, Pagenaud, Hunter-Reay, Power's and Oh Yeah, Newgarden's Rear Wings!

But how long before Roger writes a Cheque too large to ignore and snaps up Colton to replace one of his elder Drivers?

Although Kudos to his Dad Bryan High speed Hurdles' Herta, for which I can No longer remember why I came up with that Oh, So Clever Nickname.

As I totally recall seeing him win at Monterey in a solid Black Textron backed Team Rahal mount.

For his classy answer to whether he's sick about The Pass? To which Bryan said he's honoured to be a part of it, especially after All of the Great things Alex's (Zanardi) Done!

While I'm not trying to take anything away from Josef Newgarden who won his second Astor Cup, especially since he had the most wins of the season with four.

But it sure seemed like he Backed into it, uncharacteristically running outside the Top-5, playing Defense Before settling for eighth, which was good enough since Pagenaud couldn't Crack the Iceman Blockade.

As we heard Tim Cindric, Newgarden's Strategist mention Josef was complaining of a lack of rear-end grip, which were the Tyres Degrading as designed to do. And the more I think of it, his performance reminds me of 'Ol Dario REO Speedwagon' Franchitti winning one of his Championships with a similar Defensive Drive at Fontana.

Whilst guessin' it's just Mwah? But I found Kevin Lee's winner's interview Quips 'bout Colton Herta being too young to Drink,  and being Under-aged to Celebrate being in really poor taste, especially in lieu of Herta's "Driver Coach" 'lil Al's (Unser) latest Alcoholism predicament...

Ah, now we'll get to settle down for a long Winter's Hibernation from thoust Growl of turbo-charged Indy Cars, as I Dunno? Only 323 Gory Days 'til St Pete's Season's Kickoff sometime next March; SHEISA!

(Simon Pagenaud McGilvery's Autograph c/o No Fenders ‘Offical Photographer CARPETS')