Monday, September 9, 2019

F1: Italian GP Qualifying Not the Only Farcical Event of the Weekend

My-Oh-My! Fly-Fly-Fly Far Away Formula 1 Race Broadcast... Or should that be 30-love Wee-Wee?

Whilst I understand why it happened, that Don't means I gotta be Happy 'bout it, El Correctomundo? Especially since I spent the whole Day Ah-waitin' the ESPN2 Encore Presentation of the Italian Grand Prix. Y'all know when Thee Mothers Shoe Polish lady Breathlessly promises we'll return Exactly where we Left off when we return...


Having broken my vow of getting up at Oh Bleepin' DARK-30 for Saturday's Qualie' session from Monza, while happy about the outcome, I sat Thar fairly Glazed Over thinking what a Waste that was!

Although I tend to recall that slipstreaming isn't a New affair at Monza, where I believe some obscure driver named Peter Gethin bested a train 'O six cars en route to his lone Grands Prix win at the 1971 Italian Grand Prix, in a Slipstreaming Duel.

As pretty Amazing I Pulled that one outta Thee Wayback Machine, Eh? As it came like a Flash to Mwah...

Thus, the clock slowly stretched on, even going so far as to EGads, Gasp! Tune-in to some RASSCAR Taxi-land Bombers action from Mother Speedway for some lunchtime ambiance; CRIKEYS!

Whale Gollee! Thar still turnin' left, what's that Jeff Burton? They Thar Done justa Turned Left into Turn 2 Yuhs Say? And nowz' Kyle Bush is Ah-turnin' left again into Turn-4? Yeehaw, Getty-up....

But I smelled A Rat when warmin' up Ye Boob-tube' some 10mins before the Italian GP Race replay was to begin at 5PM Pacific, as they seemed to be Prattlin' on Excessively 'bout Baseball and the Reds v Yankees; KEE-RIST! Almighty, who Bloody Cares!

As Five O'clock came 'N went with the FUCKING Baseball game on Le Duesh', nee ESPN2, while I Fumbled 'N Stumbled my way round the Dial Searching Vainly for the motor race to NO Avail!

Hmm, may be it's on ESPNU? Nope lookie Thar, Wada Yuhs know? College Football, Groan! ESPNews? Nope, who knows what that is? ESPN Classic? What The Foobar! Another Bloody Channel I have to Upgrade for...

Then finally the telephone rang, and it was F1 Spotter Jeannie calling to let me know she'd figured out what happened. The Tennis Match on ESPN had gone long.., Fault, Double Fault!

But I Don't Fucking Care 'bout Namby-Pamby Tennis, even if it is the U.S. Open Men's Final! As I wistfully hoped that perhaps the race would be shown after they switched the Trophy presentation back over to ESPN2 around 6:10PM Pacific. As may be they'll start it at 6:30PM?

Nope, that came 'N went, with just the three Talkin' Headz including John McEnroe Warbling On 'bout how Great a Match they'd just witnessed; Blah-BLAHITY-Blah. Show the Freakin' Italian GP!

Instead the Booth Boys Prattled on ceaselessly 'bout the nearly 5hrs epic Duel they'd just watched, with the lead announcer saying Don't Worry John, who'd already proclaimed he needed a Beer...

As soon as we're Done, we're going to show the Match again, but you won't have to call it again John, as I Disgustedly turned off Thy Telie' at 7PM Pacific Brooding over how once again, motor racing gets Screwed by Stick 'N Ball Sports!

As I just Don't get it? Liberty Media's Squakin' about wanting a second Grands Prix in the Good 'Ol United States. Hmm? ARSE-Sumedly to Fill Thar Coffers! But Shit Dudes, You cannot even keep to a common, convenient time to replay races Sunday evenings for those of us who Don't have DVR's or wish to get up at Oh Gory DARK-30 upon thou West Coast!

As it's Funny, Ha-Ha! How Le Duesh' can wipe out 5hrs of Broadcasting to replay a tennis match, but cannot Bump a riveting ESPN 40th Anniversary retrospective et Al upon ESPNews to make way for the Italian Grand Prix?

Like how are Yuhs gonna ever grow your Dwindling Fan Base? Oh Never Mind!

While is it just Mwah? But why does Golden Child Whine so Much when he's Beaten at His own game?