Nope, do Not try Adjusting your Picture. As this is what You'll be seeing when trying to Tune-in to Indy Cars on NBC Sports this Season. (The Tomaso Collection)
As where's Good 'Ol Marcus "I've Gotz Ah Plan! Miles to give us another Soft shoe Tap Dance 'bout how everythingys' Sunshine, Bunnies 'N Rainbows in IndyCarland...
Ah, where to begin Kiddies? As we're nearing thoust End of another Stupendous 323 Days 'O Indy Cars Off-season, with St Pete now just round the corner, you'd think that as a longtime Devoted IndyCar Aficionado of over 30yrs... I'd be gettin' JAZZED' over the new season, Righto?
NOPE! Instead I'm absolutely 100, 110, or is it 1,000% PISSED OFF at Indy Cars, and most specifically that Puffed shirt, Struttin' round like a Peacock, with NO Disrespect towards Peacocks! Mr. Mark Miles, who's simply SOLD OUT IndyCar to comca$t! And for how much did Yuhs make on that Dealio, Marcus?
So What am I ranting on 'bout? Well in case you're looking forward to tuning into the season's first two practice sessions, or more importantly Qualifying on your local Cable TV Channel, you'll get NOTHING but Crickets; Chirp-Chirp, Bueller? Where The FUCK Did It G-O?
Perhaps Y'all have heard 'bout the new, Bestest thingy' since sliced bread NBC Golden Platter; Err, Uhm, I meant Gold Pass Streaming Service you'll need to Bend Over, Drop Trow' and Pay for in order to get access to this IndyCar content; SHIT!
Hmm? I just finally realized thou irony in the name of NBC's Ripoff service being Gold! As that's what You'll need to Fork Over to get It! Whilst I can only wonder if this is part of Mr. Miles Midus touch?
As two of the Few remaining, very savvy IndyCar Bloggers opinions I mostly respect, both seem really far Off the Mark upon this new IndyCar Paid Programming issue, by extolling how it was previously Free to Us, and if we really care 'bout Indy Cars then we need to step up to thou proverbial Plate 'N Pay for It!
Along with Crowing over how they've already swooped in on the "Early Bird" Platter, Uh tremendous price savings of Five "George Washington's;" Whoopee! Since last time I checked at the Deli, that won't even buy Yuhs a Ham Sandwich!
Perhaps it's just Mwah, but Newsflash! Earth to IndyCar Bloggers... Thars NO such Bloody thing as FREE Television in Americre! (Unless you're using Wabbit' Ears to pick up three TV Channels?) And when you subscribe to Cable TV Service, which the price continuously goes Up 'N Up during each year. Aren't You already Paying to watch the various TV Channels Content that you've chosen to tune-in to?
And notice how I haven't even muttered a single word 'bout the Onslaught 'O Never Ending Commercial Breaks we're forced to endure during said programs...
Ergo, as I specifically stepped up to Spectrum/Charter's Silver TV Package upon moving last year, in order to ensure television access to NBC Sports Network for Indy Cars. And ESPN - and it's myriad 'O ESPN Sibling Channels for Formula 1, I'm now left with the Dubious choice of needing to Dole out further Dinero for programming content effectively Hidden behind A Pay Wall!
Although 50 Smackeroos' ($50) isn't an exorbitant sum 'O money. Nevertheless, if you're blind, have I mentioned I am lately? Then Yuhs probably Don't have an Unlimited Budget.
And that's without even going on 'N on 'bout needing to play Russian Roulette with said Ulysses S. Grant Federal Reserve Note, (FRN) as Silly Me! Not knowing that Benjaimins' are twice as much Dinero; But I Digress...
Thus needing to gamble with said $50 to simply find out if the service even works with my Screen reader Software? Since I Don't do the App thingys! Relying on trusty 'Ol Fashioned Desktop Internetz' instead...
Now do you think that GAWDS! FOX, a TV Channel I typically Avoid like thee plague, along with NBC would pulled such shenanigans upon their loyal, remaining Diehard RASSCAR' Fan-base? As Talk 'bout your Debby Downer TV Ratings Slide, El Correctomundo?
As I'm not Pontificating over Indy Cars being shown the entire weekend on NBC, Err I meant NBC Sports,. (NBCSN)
Although they Should, if IndyCar TV Ratings are truly on the Stratospheric ascent Mr. Miles likes to constantly tout!
But why couldn't they utilize their other Networks, i.e.; CNBC, USA Network or MSNBC, which they've used CNBC multiple times previously. Most notably when Indy Cars gets Bumped in favour of Tour de Farce bicycle racing! Since All of these are already "Pay" Channels owned by the comca$t Cyclops Monstrosity.
And it's Funny to Mwah how Eager I was for Indy Cars to be Rid of ABC Broadcasts with Eddie "The Mouth!" Cheever and Scotty "Somonex" Goodyear's 18th Hole Augusta Golf Match calls... But what's that 'Ol Saying? Be Careful of What You wish For, Righto?
Having put up with innumerous Chase the IndyCar and Formula 1 TV Broadcasts Round thee Dial the past three Decades! Not to mention even going so far as once buying Satellite TV in order to be able to Uhm, Gee Wally! Or should that be Mark "I've Gotz' ah-Plan!" Miles?
Specifically to watch Friday Practices, Saturday Qualie' and Sunday's F1 and IndyCar Broadcasts on what was once fondly known as the Speed Channel! And lookie where that got me, Eh?
Foggy Recollections of Jumping Thru Multiple TV Network Hoops to Watch Motor Racing Stateside Over the Years
Although I won't take back any of my Disdain towards (Sean) Brickity Bratches' and the bungling 'O Formula One's Stateside TV Broadcasts. Nonetheless, it's a tad bit ironic that ESPN now provides better television coverage 'O Formula 1, with Practice, Qualifying and the Race being available on Terrestrial TV vs. Indy Cars Blighted; Err Hyped "New & Improved" Single Network TV package, for which International Viewers are still Ah-waitin' Word on whether or not they'll have access to it?
Even if we have to play TV Remote WackumAhMole' to Discern if F1's on ESPN, le Duesh', (ESPN2) ESPNNews, ESPN U or ESPN Classic? At least I can watch I-T on thou Bloody TV!
Thus I can only surmise one of two things, as I had to Scoff Out loud at Racer's Marshall Pruett during his latest Podcast with Thee Viking', aka Anders Krohn. When telling us to Not think that IndyCar was Shallow when it came to Money Matters; Buh-Buh-BULLSHIT! Newsflash Marshall!
As I can only Speculate that the Fine Folks at Starship HC', nee Holman & Co. ran thou numbers and decided they should simply take NBC's Offer and let them pass on the "Savings" to its loyal IndyCar Fan base instead, with the advent of the NBC Gold Pass.
Which surely is a result of Thar Not being enough viewers to warrant it's NOT being bumped Off "Mainstream" Cable TV Airwaves vs. more lucrative "Stick 'N Ball" Sports. Meaning Thars' simply Not enough "Eyeballs" Tunin' into Indy Cars regardless of what that glorious leader Mr. Miles pronounces; Tuh-Duh...
Or those Zany light up the Night Skies Glow in the Dark $9.95 Helicopter; But Wait! If you order now TV Commercials Aren't paying enough Dinero', Eh?
Therefore, I Do Not Wish to ever Hear another word muttered 'bout how GURR-REAT! Your TV Ratings are IndyCar! Nor how many bazillion "Views" you've gotten off the Internetz', or how Fans are really Digging the new NBC Gold Pass Streaming service! Because it's A-L-L a load of manure!
Since as I typed above. If Indy Cars was really on the Stratospheric Rise we're constantly being Bludgeoned Over thou Heads, then this wouldn't even be a discussion, and we'd simply be looking forward to watching EVERY Practice, Qualifying and Race session airing Live on Television! Like Y'all could do Wayback in the Good 'Ol Salad Days of CART.
Ah Contraire Mr. Tomaso, who certainly must be a Card Carrying Member of les Miserables, Wee-Wee? Perhaps Thars a silver lining at the end of the Rainbow, certainly for those Dreamers, Lovers and Uhm?
(Photo c/o No Fenders ‘Offical Photographer CARPETS')