Tuesday, May 1, 2018

The Tomaso Files: Hey Blind Man, Where do You think You're Going?



And What the Hell are you doing walking around our Streets on your Own! You should be on the Special People's Bus...

Yeah, I know that today's May Day, which is why I'm deciding to post this non-racing story, since as Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen's told me countless times over the Years. It's your Blog and you can Bloody Well Write about Anything you want to upon It!

Although this story's NOT intended in any way, shape or form to compare or compete with the fallen Stars of Formula 1, with May 1st capping off Formula One's most tragic weekend forever known to Mwah as Black Sunday nearly a Quarter Century ago...

But it's just a Friday the 13th story that's too Bizzaro' to let go! (Having occurred on Friday, April 13th) As it all began when I decided to hop the  bus cross-town to run my Daily errands of returning a few library items. One being the par Excellante The Underground Railroad novel by Colson Whitehead. Along with the wonderful (2008) Frost Nixon movie directed by 'lil Ronnie Howard; but I digress...

Having rode the bus across town and being Blind, obviously I hadn't seen the requisite yellow Diamond Construction Work Ahead Warning signs set up along our way.

As I neared the street I'd turn down a block or so past the Bus-stop, suddenly a woman's voice asked me: Where Are You Going? To the Library, to which she responded by asking Can you See Me? NO! Not right now Sister', the Glares too Bright!

How come you're not on one of those Vans? You know, the ones  that give rides to ("Special") people. Don't G-O Thar Sister I Shot Back! My Eye Doctor's been sitting on my Disability Transportation Application for a month now. And then the transit agency needs 21-Days to process & approve the application, to decide whether or Not I'm really Blind!

How do you know how to get to the library? I've (walked) been there a million times. What are you doing at the library? I'm taking some items back. Oh, you mean the ones with the Bumpies On Them? You mean Braille? NO! They're "Talking" CD Audiobooks.

Are you sure you know how to get to the library? I'm gonna walk with you a ways down the street, since there's a garbage can in the way.  Well that's what my (White Cane) "Stick's" for... Who is this Lady, Eh?

As her name was Ann, and she was what eventually would turn out to be one of the two female Flaggers working the street's construction zone. As Am told me we're putting in a new main Gas line and we've been out here for months, but I've never seen you before...

Assuring Ann I was Ok, although inside my head was screaming you're Fucking Up My Landmarks Lady! So let go of my Arm! She said she'd be watching for me on my return...

Next I stumbled, fumbled 'N bumbled thou way to the local Bank, with once again the glare being so nauseously Harsh that I couldn't see the entrance off the building's solid row of clear glass windows reflecting light back towards Mwah...

After having smudged my hand on every window whilst trying to find the "Hiding" door handle, a customer took pity on me, opened the door and asked if I was trying to go to the Bank?

As I stepped up to the teller, who gave me the perfunctory "How Are you Doing" greeting, I told her, I'd be doing better if I could See!

Botta-Boom, Botta-Bing!

Since it wasn't raining yet, just the Winds Ah-Blowin', I decided to walk home, since otherwise I'd have to wait a lengthy amount of time to hopefully make the RETARDED Transfer a 10th of a Mile away, in order to ride the rest of the mile's plus distance, since the Bus Route's been Neutered into two separate, annoying and not very transfer-friendly routes, but that's another story altogether...

Thus, I decided to put on my Construction Worker's Yellow reflective vest Tacoma Bureau Chief Mary Ellen gave me for inclement weather. While hoping I could sneak pass Ann by going onto my normal sidewalk opposite of where she'd taken me previously, but NOPE!

Having made it 'bout halfway round the corner she said loudly, Where are you going? Hey Lady! I'm trying to Walk Home!

Where did you get the Safety Vest from? And you should be wearing it Always! to which I replied Yes Ma'am.

so Ann said she'd walk me to the next main intersection, which I said it's Ok, it's two blocks away and I'm FINE! Since I'm on the Sidewalk, Righto? Although Ann seemed totally fine with leaving traffic on its own to escort me instead, before I got her to let go of me...

But to my Chagrin, a few moments later, a second woman's voice hollered out: I'm right at your Bus stop! Oh Swell! so I just kept walking as she repeated this twice more.

that's nice Lady, but I'm NOT going to the (FRIGGIN') Bus stop I finally retorted, to which she paid NO heed to, saying once again, I'm right here. And then she grabbed my arm and said where are you going?

Having initially ignored the second Flag-lady', (Flagger) since like I said; Firstly, I wasn't going to the Bus stop and Secondly, it was heading the "G-DAMN Wrong Direction that I wished to go!

So with this new Female Stranger holding onto me I pointed forwards before she asked me a second time where I was going, as I tried walking forwards. Telling her I wanted to cross the street at 86th Avenue. She said, Ok Stop.

then she made me turn 90-degrees to the right, made me walk across the grass verge and told me to step down; WTF? And then walked me across the street - Whilst apparently stopping traffic, before saying step up. Where are you taking me? I said I need to cross at 86th. Ok, then you need to go South. NO! I'm trying to head East on 111th Street to cross the stoplight at 86th Ave.

So she said sorry, and turned me back round to take me back across the street, step up. Know where you are? NO! Not now Sister', since you've spun me around Three times! Sorry As she finally got me orientated eastwards. But it then took me several steps and moments to recalibrate where I was...

Then I stumbled the rest of my way home uninterrupted, before I had more humourous adventures when going to the grocery store, since I definitely needed a Beer Now!

As I worked my way back up the hill, with a steady wind gusting at 20mph, topping out at 30mph, with the wind chill making it feel like 41-degrees... I just started laughing as I heard the landscape grounds keepers leaf blowers; You've gotta be Kidding!

Entering my local grocery store, the cashier Linda casually asked me; Didn't You SEE Cheryl? For which I could NOT let Slip by; simply retorting Did I S-E-E Cheryl? Uhm, Earth to Linda, I'M FREAKIN' BLIND!

Returning home, after having been pelted by a steady rain blowing into Thy Face due to the still gusting winds, as naturally the closer I got home, the harder the Rain Deluged Mwah, after finally making I-T back inside the Dry, Safe 'N Warm Confines 'O my Frumpy 'lil Abode. I heard the distant noise of the Dueling leaf Blowers headed towards my Apartment Block's Building; You've gotta Be Joking, Righto?

Oh Well, at least I'm home in time to tune-in to the afternoon's final Half Hour's IndyCar Friday practice session via Indycar.com's magnificent "Live" Timing & Scoring Webpage...

Herroe? Herroe? is this thingy' On? What thee Fuck! As Y'all know how I ran into the very annoying Killjoy message that I must insert the "Verification" Code Onscreen in order to listen. Which, if you're still reading this? I'll say it again. If you're Blind, then it's pretty FUCKING HARD to SEE the Magically Delicious Lucky Charms verification code!

Can You Hear Me Now IndyCar?


But Hey, Don't Worry, since Indy Cars Popularity is on the rise, regardless of whether or not you can access their live streaming feed. Since after all, the only way to G-O from the bottom is...

(3 Blind Mice Lawn Sculptures Image source: alamy.com)

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