Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Overly late Post Apocalyptic Indy 500 Blues...

I find it a 'Wee bit funny, since after all, obviously there are much more extreme Indy 500 Diehards (like Stormin' Norman who was attending his 42nd Indy 500) then your humble No Fenders scribe is, especially having grown up as a 'Twisty Devotee, at such forlorn tracks as Seattle International Raceway,  now known again as Pacific Raceways, Portland International Raceway, which I know intimately from attending over two decades of IndyCar, IMSA GTP & Historics' races at. Along with Vancouver BC's Concord Pacific Place street circuit Zoom-Zoomin' past Science World to name just a few...

Author's Note
I scribbled the following story immediately upon my return from Indianapolis last May below, before IT all slipped away! And like many of thy fine vintages here in thou NoFendersville Cellars, I simply haven't had time to uncork I-T yet! But what better way to start thee New Year then with some IndyCar bubbly 'Wee-Wee!

Especially whilst your humble No Fenders scribe continues enjoying a long weekend in The Valley of The Sun - Before traipsing back to Thy soggy climes 'O Seattle...

Where'd A-L-L the Fans go? Empty Grandstand picture taken after the second Centennial race in 2011. The Tomaso Collection)

99th Indy 500

Thou must say, like Indy Cars old-EST blogger Geo. Phillips, it seemed quite sad to be going home Tuesday morning, (May 26) not to mention how after A-L-L of the month's long winded Hoopla, Pomp 'N Circumstance, etc, that I-T was  all over in the length of a overly longish Leonardo DiCaprio feature film on the B-I-G' SCREEN, a scant three-plus  hours after Mary Hulman George gave the command, with assistance from other family members for the field to start your en-juns! With of course the obligatory 17-extra FREAKIN' minutes for CAPITALI$M; Err commercialism...

And I WON'T rehash the race itself, since I was rootin' for Will Power to win, but am absolutely fine with Juan Pablo Montoya's deserved victory, once again showing his mastery of Oval racing, along with teaching the "Young Bucks" to respect their elders; Hooah! With an average finishing position of 2.33, on the heels of two wins and one fifth place in his three starts.

As I'll defer Y'all to Geo' Phillips typical Yeoman like Straight Shootin' Race recap, since he's already done the requisite "Heavy lifting..."

Nope, instead I'll focus upon other aspects of my latest visit to Mother Speedway - whilst trying to not get quite as overtly pissed off at Starship HC's (Hulman & Co) 'Fumblin, Bumblin' and definitely Stumblin Farce de Tour of BULLSHIT maneuvers pulled upon us, those loyal Fans they keep thanking; "Wink-Wink, Nudge-Nudge" like I did 'Wayback in 2013; Chirp-Chirp, Bueller?

Arriving Thursday evening, after an extremely long day of flying Coast-to-Coast after having awoken at a very rude Oh-My-Freakin' Gawd! -DARK 30, having been somewhat awake for 15+ hours; SHEISA! No Fenders 'Offical Photographer 'CARPETS collected Mwah from the Airport and appropriately decided we should dine none other than at someplace receiving much media Attenzione, along with a one certain departing Late Show Host's giving his entire audience FREE Milkshakes on his show during the Month 'O May!

Yep, that's right, we dined at an obligatory Steak 'N Shake in Greenwood, for which Dave; Dave's NOT Here; Hooah! Pointed out to Mwah that  Graham Rahal was standing in the door waiting to greet me; Uhm? Or a cardboard  cutout caricature instead.

Naturally, I opted for one of their world famous milkshakes along with a traditional single steak burger and thinly sliced French fries...

Arising again at an untypical early morning hour for Mwah, after our fine 'Kuhnaidiuns from Up North eh! Had made the drive from thee "Mayor 'O Hinchtown's" (James Hinchcliffe) Hometown in  12hrs straight the day before...

the four of us set off for Mother Speedway and another very enjoyable outing at Carb Day, as I too, always feel a 'Wee bit nostalgic when hearing the Indy Cars roar to life for the first time of the year in person during what is their final practice session before the B-I-G' DANCE!

As it was very enjoyable watching the action from behind Pitlane, sitting between Justin B-I-G' UNIT Wilson and Oriel "Suitcase" Servia's pits, whom I'd later have the privilege of meeting after practice had ended when CARPETS' asked me if I wanted to meet Oriel? Uh Duh, Dude; Hya!

As surely Oriel was a bit taken off guard when I asked him if he'd had his daily espresso yet?  After shaking his hand thru the fence as he told me how beautiful of a city Seattle was.

Oh, I only had one espresso this morning before we said our goodbyes, as I thought it was a better Questione than if he preferred the  "OOMPH!" Of  an full blooded turbocharged IndyCar over the silent Formula E machinery he manages for Jay 'Pissenbootz Penske's Dragon Racing team, eh?

Then we stood along  the Pitlane fence for the entire Indy Lights race, where I could just see blurbs 'O color scream by, albeit being very disappointed that there weren't any "One-off"  additions for  their biggest race of the year, as twelve cars just isn't a real motor race!

Afterwards, we decided to walk around, and entering Gasoline  Alley  Dave said turn left and "BOOMP!" Keep going, then telling me very casually that the person in the pink fuzzy's (Premium Vodka) polo was somebody named Tony George; Hooah! As never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd get to meet tony Up Close 'N Personal; Hya! Hey, Mr. George, can't you S-E-E that I'm blind; Hooah! As I did have my white cane in hand...

Davey Hamilton proudly sporting his No Fenders limited 1st edition T-shirt at Indianapolis - July, 2007. (The Tomaso Collection)
Next, CARPETS flagged down Davey Hamilton who was driving around on his Golf Cart, as I asked him: Don't you remember  everybody you've met from 6-7 years ago? To  which Davey was totally honest about, saying NO! Telling him he'd been my personal chauffer aboard the Synden Racing 2X Seater and had worn my No Fenders T-Shirt we'd given him; Oh yeah, I remember as somebody else asked for his autograph...

Having chronicled Davey's racing accomplishments previously in: DaveyHamilton - Postscript

HOLY SHIT! Can I-T already be nearly eight years ago since that glorious experience at  Mother Speedway; SHEISA!

And Dave had spotted Derrick Walker in discussion with two young ladies, as we waited to talk to him, before Dave said he thought one of the ladies bracelets must  have broken and it must have had some fancy diamonds on it 'cause they're being real serious looking for them! As everybody's on the ground on their hands 'N  knees, even some ABC Supply crewmen are searching. Should we go over and offer your services Tomaso; Hya!

Then, we milled around a little while during the Pit stop contest, watching the various teams go by on their way to compete in that  event that I find to be the most boring part of the day; Err weekend!

Having agreed to meet the 'Hosers ('KuhNucks) an hour later  at our favourite waterin' hole, the iconic Flagroom, which much to our dismay, although not overly surprising to Mwah, upon our arrival Rob & Mark dejectedly told us it was CLOSED; FUCK!

As Rob has been going there since the late 1990's, along with A-L-L of the Formula 1 races, having  sat next to the 'Wee Scot, JYS or 'Sir Jackie, formally known as three times  F1 world champion Jackie Stewart; Aye Karumba!

And did he mention that "The Professor," aka Alain Prost had been spotted there too? Or the various Formula 1 teams dropping in for a drink, while I myself have had the pleasure of meeting  Danny Ongais, Buddy Lazier, "Uncle Bobby," (Bobby Unser) 'BIA (Ana Beatriz) and "symona-Symona" (simona de Silvestro) along with the  legendous' late "Dr. Who"  multiple times there.

Which is why I get overly tired of the obligatory "Thank the Fans" "PSA" (Public Service Announcement) Message, which I most recently heard Doug Bowles bestowing repeatedly upon us over race weekend; BARF!

as the Brickyard Crossing's Flagroom, which is steeped in tradition, with my being a relative "Newbie" too, being first introduced in 2007,  when I stayed at the Brickyard Crossing Inn (Hotel) before its demise too... Has been for the four-six of us a yearly haunt to spend considerable Dinero and time frequenting, like many, many others have done over the decades. As I previously scribbled my displeasure in the following rant;

As rumours claim that the Flagroom's making way for the building of new luxury suites alongside Turn-2, as the Gentrification 'O Mother Speedway continues with the never ending squeezing more profits out of the venerable flagship property,

As sadly, this ruining of tradition, which is sacrilege  at best, makes me think of Sir Jackie's comments of F1 needing to keep its historic venues, i.e.; France, Germany and Italy on the calendar instead of wallpapering the sport with tasteless, sterile "Cookie Cutter" racetracks in far flung Desert Oasis where people aren't interested or able to afford the opulence of Formula 1. To which I say Ditto IMS!

But this legendary building's fate is already sealed as Mark "I've Got a Plan!" Miles  and J. Douglas Bowles look to maximize profits under every Culver paver; Err Brick. Oh Never Mind!

Empty Grandstand Photo Courtesy of No Fenders ‘Offical Photographer ‘CARPETS.
Davey Hamilton picture purchased from IMS Photograph Shop after 2-Seater ride.