Monday, July 22, 2013

INDY 500: 2013 Reflections, Ugliness Abounds at the Speedway

9-11 Review: Jets Impact the Twin Towers. (Source:
NOTE: For reasons unknown, I suppose I-T was Morbid Curiosity? Not only did I print an image off of the Speed channel page depicting said incident but have subsequently held onto it the following twelve years. Yet as is typical in life, having seen I-T a month ago when NOT looking for it, of course now I cannot find I-T; URGH!

This is NOT America,

I suppose I’m laying myself rife for comments towards the Tin foil Hat Conspiracy zealots, along with being UN-Patriotic; BUTT! What in the Holy Fuck happened on Raceday morning when the Indianapolis Motor Speedway made entering its hallowed, sacred and beloved grounds such a FUCKING MISERABLE STUPID CLUSTERFUCK!!!

As really IMS? Was that the absolutely Bestest Y’all could do in the name of “Wink-Wink, Nudge-Nudge” $ecurty??? As in the immortal words ‘O Larry: What a Nightmare! As unbeknownst to us, it would take OVER 2hrs to crack the IMS’s outer fencing due to the overtly RIDICULOUS closing of the majority of the entrance gates for an unexceedingly UN-happy and growing quickly disenfranchised law abiding public. As I’m told that throngs of people grew increasingly frustrated with the futility of trying to find an entrance point and began simply shoving & pushing their way to the front of the line whilst ceasing to wait their respective turns...

Thus, is this what Indianapolis Motor Speedway and the State of Indiana truly wants? Organized Chaos, Unruliness, Skirmishes & Fightings, Knifings, Beatings and perhaps even Murder(s) all in the vain and guise and hopes of being able to call out the militia in order to backup overzealous police?

Oh, wait a ‘My-nute, for a second there, I thought I was talking perhaps about Iraq, Afghanistan or even Bahrain? As I forgot this was supposed to be about Indiana’s small town USA city Speedway and that fabled race track at 16th & Georgetown...

As supposedly the CLUSTERFUCK was due to some supposed “Bomb Scare” in the Coke lot the night before the race; Yeah that’s the Ticket! As Glory Hallelujah be thy Name... As really? We’re gonna all roll over, say Rub my belly and put up with this SHIT? For Kri$t’ss Sake, it was somebody with some “Boom-Boom” Fireworks...

Although it now appears after a very quick scouring of Zed Internetz, that the F$$KING Security was planned all along, albeit nary a PEEP was mentioned prior to the race anywhere that I’m aware of, i.e.; IndyStar, IndyCar or local TV? As, sorry Mr. Doug Bolles, it DIDN’T A-L-L GO SWIMMINGLY (SMOOTH) as you suggest as the procedures for searching personal coolers created thee ultimate NIGHTMARE for getting into the facility, as Y’all better rethink and re-Strats-uh-Gize your procedures in order to expedite ingress/egress to Mother Speedway! Uhm, Gee Wally, like may be instituting ropes/barriers in order to aid in the orderly movement of pedestrians in line, as NONE of the six people in my party ever heard a single word about this!

And then Y’all need to make it easier, or ‘Gawd Forbid institute a Handicap access lane for people with Disabilities? As I spent two hours getting bumped around while trying to keep from not having my white cane broken by the unbearingly H-U-G-E crowds which became moving chicanes at several points along the way due to the crowds simply being larger than the corresponding entry gate’s “Checkpoint Charlie” locations, all of which was caused by the exceedingly LIMITED amount of entry gates actually open; Uhm IMS? “Here’s Your FREAKIN’ Sign!”

While I’m almost embarrassed to mention this - potentially causing $ecurity to become even MORE RETARDED; BUTT! At the very least I think you need to make the authoritative figures controlling the crowd ALL wear some sort of matching uniforms which are easily identifiable to the Blind and Visually Impaired!

As after an hour and forty-five minutes plus of being jostled, bounced and pushed around while seeking an entry way into our Turn-4 seats, we were confronted by some obnoxious clandestine woman who appeared to be simply dressed in civilian clothing...

As she told my escorting helper that she wasn’t supposed to let anybody thru carrying a BAG of potato chips; WTF? But would let him pass since he was helping me get to my seat, while never ever once even remotely considering checking my backpack I was wearing which certainly the backpack straps were clearly visible!

As I suppose it was somewhat karmic that a great ‘lil novel I’d purchased the paperback to a zillion years ago when I could read unaided flooded into my mind during the midst of this Nightmarish attempt to find our way into Mother Speedway and our corresponding seats, to which Dave also fondly remembered, with the book in question being called “Black Sunday,” which I’d surmise that the Indianapolis Motor Speedway is impossible to protect against all conceived form of threats, i.e.; pedestrians, automobiles, delivery vehicles, team transporters, fuel delivery vehicles, catering, blimps, helicopters or small planes. As we passed four civilian ‘HELLI’s (Helicopters) along the golf course on our way exiting the Brickyard after the race; none of which seemed to be regulated; while ironically as these comments about the book came from my lips we were forced to endure the first of three religious zealots urging us to open up our hearts to Kri$tianity; BARF! As I told CARPETS and the others in our party, welcome to the new America, Y’all know that land of the brave and home of the free, or is it home of the free and land of the brave? Oh Never Mind!

As I’ll finish this rant by saying that upon finally reaching our seats, a most nauseous feeling washed over my stomach - a feeling I’ve only felt three times in the past decade-plus, with two of these being at Mother Speedway... With the first being the ultra disgusting rah-rah cisk-ca-boom ‘Uber Patriotic Nationalism sentiment being rammed down our collective throats for the 2001 USGP held a scant three weeks after that event known as 9-11.

This nausea flashed back again, or more rightly up into my esophagus upon Dave Calabro beating the Patriotism drum urging us all to “Give It Up!” for the 35-Indiana runners completing their Boston marathon around Mother Speedway; BARF!

And then adding further injury to insult was Calabro’s PATHETIC attempt of apologizing to the crowd about the inconvenience of getting into the Speedway, as the Hulman-George family appreciates your patience - Yada-yada-yada; SHEISA! As it was such a PISS POOR APOLOGY that I’ve already blocked I-T out of my mind and cannot recall the exact Sediments Calabro laid upon us!

As really Mark Miles, Indianapolis Motor Speedway needs to work upon the ingress/egress to the facility? How absolutely FUCKING BRILLIANT of you; give that man a Kupie Doll!

As the part of the article (which naturally I cannot seem to locate upon now) I really enjoyed most was Miles saying we need to fix this prior to the Brickyard 400... Why? Are you afraid that ‘RASSCAR Fans WON’T tolerate such BULLSHIT and perhaps things might get out of hand? I mean Gollee! What’ll ‘Junior Nation do if they can’t get to their seats in respective time before A-L-L of their Budweisers get warm from standing in a FUCKING TWO HOUR LINE!!!

Oh Never Mind, Y’all!

For more 2013 Indy 500 lowlights, see; INDY 500: 2013 Reflections, Bad Vibes Aboundnd at IMS...