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| Vintage Ford Telemetry brochure, circa 1994. (The Tomaso Collection) |
As I typically like to do at year's end, here's my
nostalgic yarn over Formula 1's past two decades ago 'N beyond...
The last Yank Formula 1 runner (pre-Scott
Speed) Mikey Andretti had just returned to Championship Auto Racing Teams
(CART) racing on this side of thy pond for Cheep' Ganassi's burgeoning Target
IndyCar operation, winning first time out Down Under at Surfers Paradise in
what was Reynard's debutant IndyCar outing.
Meanwhile, the USGP was in its third year of
its sabbatical from the F1 calendar, after leaving The Valley of the Sun, aka
Phoenix, Arizona, Which was but a fleeting memory to most F1 Fans...
And as we all know, 1994 was a very sad year
in Formula One, most notably with the staggering deaths of Ayrton Senna and
Roland Ratzenberger, not to mention Karl Wendlinger, Mika Hakkinen and Rubens
Barrichello's close scrapes with the "Grim Reaper!"
While I along with every "Dog, Word Hack and
Keyboard Warrior" scribbled about this year's 20th Anniversary of what I
tend to call Black Sunday in;
While sadly for Mwah, this year's biggest
story is Jules Bianchi's horrific shunt at Suzuka, as the 25yr old Frenchman
struggles to survive and regain a semi-normal life...
And instead of reinventing thy squeaky wheel
here in Nofendersville, as I've scribbled countless times my past exploits of
'DER TERMINATOR, nee Michael Schumacher, I'll revert back to a previous post
when I tried capturing my past euphoria from that season in;
As regardless to the controversy over the
mysterious "Option-13" software, I seem to recall initially feeling
that Michael got a bum steer when being excluded from two-races along with a Grand
Prix win being thrown out at Spa-Francorchamps over thee totally farcical "Plank
Gate" affair!
The German 'Vunderkin started off the season
literally "On Fire," winning the first four races, before the amazing
second place finish at Barcelona upon his Benetton-Ford becoming stuck in 5th
gear!
After winning again at Il Notre Dam's Circuit
Gilles Villeneuve and Magny Cours, tallying six wins in the season's first seven
races, Schumacher did the unthinkable, passing arch nemesis Damon Hill not
once, but twice upon the formation lap
at Silverstone, as I can still vaguely recall being mystified over his
behaviour whilst screaming at thee
Telescreen; WTF!
As I rightly mused out-loud; Y'all can't do
that! As incredulously, Michael and Benetton simply ignored their initial five
second Stop-Go penalty and then serenely carried on by totally ignoring the
Black flag for multiple laps - before
being convinced by FIA officials who had to
go to their Pit box to finally serve the penalty! For which Michael was
extremely lucky to finish the race as runner-up...
Thus, I tend to recall that Schumacher and Benetton
entered the following race, Michael's home race no less, the German Grand Prix
under a cloud 'O controversy, as my memory banks say that Schuey raced at
Hockenheim under appeal of his two-race ban from Silverstone, albeit I cannot
seem to find anything refuting this
memory...
Hockenheim was the sight of that ultra scary
Pitlane fire that "Professor" Steve Matchett was involved in, when Jos "THE BOSS" Verstappen's
Benetton erupted in a fireball during its refueling!
Then after a dominating victory at Spa, Schuey
was ultimately DQ'ed, due to having worn too much Jabrock off of his car's
underside plank, with the team claiming it was worn due to his race spin to no
avail.
Thus, rightly so, as I have NO tolerance
these day's for ignoring black flags, rules
infringements, etc, the German sat out the next two races at Monza and Estoril,
where J.J. Letho substituted for him, with Schumacher returning at Jerez, and
promptly winning the European Grand Prix, with two races remaining.
And finally, there was the showdown in
Adelaide, where Michael played "ricochet Rabbit" off of the
guardrail, collecting Damon Hill's Williams and ensuring his first world
championship by one solitary point!
Alas, it seems somewhat ironic that ten years
ago Schuey was celebrating his seventh and final world championship with la
Scuderia, when Ferrari celebrated its final "Double," i.e.; winning
both the Constructors and Drivers title's, being the sixth consecutive
Constructors trophy along with Michael's fifth in-a-row, as he's the only
driver to do so in F1 history!
as Michael, with the help of Jean Todt, Ross
Brawn, Rory Byrne, Nigel Stepney and I'm sure countless others who haven't
gotten their justified dues...
Hmm? Like I dunno, somebody named John
Wheatley? Ok, so Wheatley probably didn't follow the Schuey "Dream
Team" to Maranello, but nonetheless, I'm pretty certain he was Michael's
Chief Mechanic at Benetton, since that's what I recall "Professor"
Steve Matchett implored in his books, of which I've managed to read two-thirds
of the trilogy.
As we also know that Jean Todt has gone onto
replace MAD Max Mosley, where he masquerades as the current figurehead of the
FIA, while Ross Brawn won another pair
'O trophies five years ago with Bloody 'JENSE (Button) at the controls
of the lead "Bee Gee" (Brawn BGP01) machine, where ironically
Michael's ex-Wingman 'Rubino (Rubens Barrichello) notched up his final two
Grand Prix victories!
As Brawn, whose name is bandied about is currently on "Fishing
Holiday," having retired from Mercedes Grand Prix, but don't feel too
sorry for him, as the German Auto Giant paid him handsomely for the keys to
Brawn GP.
Rory Byrne, F1 Designer Extraordinaire,
reputedly the third most successful F1 Designer behind Adrian Newey and Colin
Chapman seemingly retired to Thailand in order to go wind surfing, although
he was later lured back to Maranello as
a consultant. While Nigel Stepney's latter motor racing career was overshadowed
by "Stepney Gate" before his untimely death this past May on a
British Motorway...
As your humble No Fenders scribe Tomaso was
once one of 'DER TERMINATOR's biggest supporters, even being so brazen to
proclaim being the first Warshintonion' to visit Der 'Vurld de Schuey, Michael
Schumacher's museum in Kerpen 'Wayback in 2002 when the German was en route to
his fifth world championship, tying the then legendous' Juan Manuel Fangio's
impressive feat that seemed pretty invincible,...
Yet Schumacher would surpass Fangio's record
five driver's crowns the following
season at Suzuka, where your humble No Fenders scribe just so happened to be
present, 45-years after the Argentinean's final title in 1957.
Michael
then crushed the opposition one final time, winning 13-races in his 2004 championship
cakewalk, clinching his record seventh, and final world championship before the Ferrari Dynasty crumbled
ironically at the hands of his past Formula 1 team Benetton and ex-boss
'Flavour Flav, nee HMS Monogram, aka Flavio Briatore and his new charge
"Fredrico Suave" (Fernando Alonso) for Renault with the help of
Michelin tyres, and that mysterious "J-Damper..."
Hence-fore twenty years ago, Michael
Schumacher became the sport's debutant
German to win the Formula 1 world championship, albeit fairly controversially,
while another German known here at No Fenders simply as "TWINKIEBOY!"
(Seb' Vettel) was just a sparkle in Schuey's eye... Before Michael ran off to
la Scuderia to revive the sagging fortunes of Maranello's race team -
ultimately blanked from championship titles for 21-years.
As it seems somewhat symbiotic that Vettel's now seeking to repeat
history for Ferrari, who haven't won the Driver's world championship since 2007
and the Constructor's crown since 2008, along with having gone winless for the
first time since 1993! While Michael's still "Asleep at The Wheel" in
Geneva...
