Friday, January 16, 2015

No Fenders 2014 Golden Tailpipe Awards: Volume 3 - Crossed flags...



Still cannot believe that I unleashed a whopping 10-page Monstrosity upon Y'all last year; YIKES! And although  I'd decided to split this winter's ramble into another Nofendersville two-part trilogy; Hooah! The first half's draft weighed in at six  pages before I'd even scribbled down the REAL category winners, and thus, it'll become a true trilogy now, making Y'all wait a 'lil longer for the B-I-G Hitters, as Part 2's devoted to my ever growing media selections...



Media
This year I felt compelled to expand on where I spend a humungous amount 'O time each day, commonly known as Zed Internetz, and have added the following categories to my previous TV selection...

TV
While I thought that perhaps the TV broadcasts would improve this year, Sigh... As my initial feelings were to give 'em A-L-L D's!

Formula 1
Although I'm glad that I can still obtain F1 upon my overpriced comca$t cable TV service, I don't really have much good to say 'bout the continued "Red Headed" Step-seester treatment the product receives here in Americre.

As I've scribbled 'bout "Peacock-lite" (NBCSN) telling us the results during an U$ Bank Sports update repeatedly prior to the re-airing of said event! Or playing ring around the rosy; Err Telie dial trying to find the broadcast that's been moved in favour of Tour de Farce, Premiere Football, etc, not to mention the zany re-air times being A-L-L over the map!

Nor by hyping thee SHIT outta the season finale only to cut the OH DARK 30 (5AM Pacific) live Abu Dhabi qualifying program 17mins SHORT! As I thought for  sure my TV Guide's listing of Qualie  running from 5-6:10AM was wrong? But NO! We've gotta switch over to Smokey Smoke's Premiere League Pre-game prattle at 6:13AM, hence not only chopping off the Driver's interviews but the program in whole; SHEISA! As this isn't the first time this season either; Blah-blah-blah...

As the only thingy saving this is the announcers: Leigh Diffey, (who I've  been a Gynormous Fan of ever since discovering  him on SPEED's Grand Am race coverage...( David Hobbs and Steve  Matchett. Whilst thy 'Wee Willie Buxom (Will Buxton) wanes 'N grows on Mwah in spurts...

Network: NBCSN
Grade: D

IndyCar
Can't really say a whole lot here, as the only true shining star is the addition of Alan Bestwick as lead announcer, while Eddie Cheever and Scott Goodyear have never impressed me, even if I have NO idea how hard its talking to a camera! Yet my true disdain for the network is their cavalier attitude towards we'd really just like only broadcasting the Indy 500, while this year's "Enhanced" coverage  which actually resulted in LESS TV coverage overall, not to mention the vomit-inducing 2hrs Qualie' infomercial made me get up 'N leave the show, which I scribbbled 'bout in;

The Tomaso Files: Crass Commercialism of Mechanized Machines vs. the Wheels of  Nature...

Network: ABC
Grade: C-

Although "Peacock-lite" is my preferred television partner for IndyCar's, nonetheless they weren't without their problemas too. As I really feel that  Steve "SCREAMER!" Matchett and 'Ol 'Hobbo (David Hobbs) DON'T do anythingy for the broadcasts, as it just  feels like comca$t's being too CHEAP! As why not put "Professor B" (Jon Beekhuis) in the booth  instead, especially since he's got a pulse; Hooah!

And  Will Buxton is ok on Pitlane, with Kelli Stavast seemingly improving, as Kevin Lee does his usual steady job; while I'm looking forward to Marty Snyder and Wally Dallenbach going off to 'RASSCAR... While Townsend Bell is entertaining, with Mr. Chrome Horn, aka Paul Tracy being a pleasant surprise and the most enjoyable part of the whole broadcast!

Network: NBCSN
Grade: C-

INTERNETZ'
"Tokyo Fly-by-Night Award"
New category this year, which sadly, if the Sub-title doesn't clue Y'all in; this category is designated to the websites who've gone A-L-L Flash-bang, swooshy, over-the-Moon graphically intensive and most annoyingly, DON'T work worth SHIT! (Regarding being Screen-reader compatible...)

motorsport.com
This is the second time they've completely ruined the website, which I used to enjoy, but sadly cannot access  I-T at all via my Zoomtext Screen-reader affectionately known here in Nofendersville as Lucy. Thus, I don't bother trying to read them at all anymore...

indycar.com
My biggest pet peeve with the website, besides the homepage's 'Uber annoying "Tokyo Fly-by-Night" over-the-top graphics! And the link to the Live Timing & Scoring seemingly ALWAYS moving... Is the fact that they've once again GOOBERED the actual link/button to the live radio broadcasts; FUCK!


Honorable Mentions'
RichardsF1
Although not quite as bad as motorsport.com, nevertheless, Richards F1 has managed to FUCK UP their homepage, which now is scrambled and NOT Screen-reader friendly anymore, although I can still puruse the archive sections...

Motorsports - NBC Sports
My biggest pet peeve is this site, along with many others on Zed Internetz forces 'Lucy (my screen reader) to spend copious amounts 'O time reading thru all of  the sidebars plethora of other story links, which I DON'T care  about! As I think it'd be nice if there was a "Skip to Content," i.e.; Main Story tab/link I could select instead...

Best Websites
And suppose if I'm gonna RIP those on Al Gore's A-L-L Knowing invention; Hya! Then I should also call out my favourite must reads also, right? While Y'all can leave a Comment for your nominations for websites I may have overlooked...

F1) grandprix.com
Although its GMM Feed may be somewhat lacking in brevity for true 'Ol School reporting, nevertheless, I enjoy the site since it gives me a bunch 'O daily gossip & is screen reader friendly!

IndyCar) Racer.com
When the website's working, it's my Go-to site for IndyCar, Sports Cars  and MotoGP, especially now since Motorsport.com is a totally unusable P.O.S!

Favorite Blog Sites'
The category's title should say I-T all, with my short list candidates below...

F1)
Candidates: Will Buxton, Adam Cooper, Joe Saward.
Winner: Joe Saward
Almost always enjoy Grizled Journo' Joe Saward's insights from behind the barb-wire F1 paddock catch fencing, although we've disagreed on a few items over the years...

IndyCar)
Candidates: 15 Days in May, Oil Pressure, Pressdog, So Here's What I'm thinking.
Winner: Oil Pressure
This one was pretty easy, since unfortunately  three-fourths of the candidates have curtailed their posting verbiage significantly over the past year; like where have A-L-L of the IndyCar Bloggers gone?

Thus, my obvious pick is thee OLD-est IndyCar Blogger, the esteemed Geo. Phillips's Oil Pressure blog. As George posts three times a week, is a Diehard  IndyCar Aficionado, life-long Tennessee Titans fan and proud Nashvillian, who although I've never met in the flesh, consider him a friend...

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