Monday, February 16, 2009

New season, same show

Whale, its ‘dat time again... For what is being bombarded over the airwaves as the Great Norte Americano Race... And Uhm? Isn’t there also that Greatest Spectali back home in Indiana? Hmm? Two warring entities with the greatest race in duh nation... Go figure?

Yep, one of them I’m referring to is the URGH! RASSCAR Day-toner 848k... Err, the Daytona 500 which features about 848 commercials and perhaps should be renamed the 612k this year? As once again the race consisted of a Motley Crew ‘O competitors, as there was an entertaining mix of Open wheel Stars ‘N Road Race Ringers trying to make the field along with the usual suspects.

Of the two Formula 1 refugees, MAC Montoya fared far better then Scott “Whoopee!” Speed, as Monty started 8th while Scotty “the Goose” languished in 38th.

Out of the four IRL Starz’s; Tony “Smoke-em if uze Got-em” Stewart started P5, while Sam “I Think I Am” (A RASSCAR Driver?) Hornish Jr. found himself mired in 29th. But at least he was ahead of Robby “Dirtman” Gordoun, who runn his toy-yoter from 31st. Hey Robby, it’s a good thing there’s only four manufacturer’s in RASSCAR since you’ve tried all of ‘dem now... While I didn’t even know that “Gentleman John” (Andretti) had been released from his Roth Racing contract in order to roll off from P37...

Meanwhile AJ Allmendinger drove his way into the show with ostensive help from his teammates, lining up in 20th place, while Marcos “Croc” Ambrose piloted the #47 Little Debbie/Kingsford/Clorox Toyota, starting 23rd. Hmm? Just heard a comic brotherly duo refer to ‘Lil Debbie as the Retarded cousin of Sarah Lee when it comes to snack foods! And Marcose will enjoy usin’ up his free supply of Kingsford while puttin’ another Shrimp on the Barbie... while ‘dat Clorox should help-em get ‘dem barbeque sauce stains outta his uni, eh?

And let’s not forget our Pacific NW “Warshintonian Homeboy’s; as Casey No. 9 Kahne rolled off 15th in his BUTT-Wiper Dodge, while The Biffster, a.k.a Greg “Bow-wow Biffle started P35. But do NOT expect a race report from Mwah! After all I’m supposed to be an Open wheel pundit!

Quote of the Weekend!
“The “racing” itself is about as exciting as watching paint dry”
So here’s what I’m Thinking

(Glad I’m NOT the ONLY one who feels that way, eh?)

Daytona’s new kids
And you know you’re desperate for some Racin’ action when you elect to watch a Campin’ Wurld Pickem-up Truck race instead of some vintage Memorex taped Open Wheel Racing, a la Formula 1 or even GASP! A really old CCWS race...

Yet, for reasons unknown, I did indeed decide to watch what will always be the Craftsman Trucks series to Mwah Friday night. And fortunately I tuned-in late as there was a hideously long pre-race segment which I missed the bulk of! But I was unaware of some of this year’s Rookie crop which includes Ricky “the GOAT” Carmichael, J.R. Fitzpatrick and Taylor Malsam.

And I still like Willy T. Ribbs comment upon Carmichael’s knickname: The Greatest of All Time, (GOAT) as Willy retorted: NO you’re NOT son! That title’s already taken... It belongs to Muhammad Ali. Although Ricky does have 15 titles and 150 wins to his credit, but I’m sure James “Bubbah” Stewart is happy to have the spotlight to himself now in Supercross.

Fitzpatrick is an unknown “KUh-naid-iun,” who’s driving for TRG. Yep, that’s the same TRG *The Racers Group) who kicked ASS in this year’s Rolex 24 GT class, with a 1-2 sweep, as apparently team owner Kevin Buckler is feeling his Roundy-round oats with a Campin’ Wurld Pickem-up truck and Sprint Cup car, that Mike Wallace was unable to make the show in.

And Malsam is another homegrown product, as he tries to become Washington’s third active RASSCAR star, since Derrick Cope will always be stuck in my mind after his improvable victory when Dale “Ironhead” Earnheart Sr. hit a Seagull in the closing laps of the race while leading! Hence, I also don’t know much about this youngster either, other then he drove the Thunder “Hydro” Truck late last season and now drive’s for Randy Moss Motorsports.

And of course “Racin’ still is Rubbin!” As it took only five laps before somebody had smacked the wall and brought out the yellow flag... And then Carmichael got tangled up in DUH Big-Juan, as the whole rear half of his Khebbie got done torn off, as the SPEED talkin’ heads nailed it saying its still got two wheels...

Yet, most impressive was Fitzpatrick’s fourth place finish, as reportedly he’s the youngest ever winner of the Canadian CASCAR series, while Malsam finished a respectable 10th.

Now somebody stop me please!