Thursday, March 27, 2014

Rolling out the IndyCar Hype-machine...



Yeah I know, you're probably thinking' why don't I just pack I-T in since I'm always veering towards the side of les Miserable's... As I should be giddy as a new Schoolboy on his first day in class, or is that Schoolgirl at her first Prom? Especially since we've just had  the annual riveting IndyCar Spring Training Down South in Alabammie, not to mention the LONG awaited season opener at St. Pete this weekend; Yeehaw; BUTT!

Instead I'm NOT feeling anythingy moving my internal Open Wheel Racing needle at the moment, and that goes as well as for Formula 1 which duh 'Peacock-lite (NBCSN) couldn't even bother re-airing in its entirety; NOT to mention showing its "Live" broadcast at a slightly more decent time than midnight, but I digress...

As I know it's all about self-preservation; Err promotion, but so far the return of Jacques Villeneuve and Juan Pablo Montoya don't really crank my pipes, as the only one I'm mildly intrigued by  is 'RASSCAR BAD BOY Kurty "F-BOMBS R-US" Busch's attempt to run the "Double" this May.

Yet at least we'll have a sort of real honest-to-goodness Rookie Of the Year (ROY) battle this season with the somewhat surprising announcement of Brian Herta signing Bloody "Union Jack" (Hawksworth) as his driver of choice for the No. 98-machine to battle vs. Russia's first ever IndyCar driver Mikhail Aleshin - piloting the second Schmidt-Hamilton-Peterson Motorsports "Vanna, I wanna buy a Racing Team vowel!" squad's car; Ergo, almost as compelling as the "New & Improved" I500 Qualifying format, right? As I guess it's funny how there's neither any more true Boomp' (Bump) Day or multiple rookie competitions...

I mean Crikeys Mates! Zoinks! What does it mean when even thy crustiest of 'Ol Curmudgeon's 'R, aka Robin Miller is singing the "positive" vibes of IMSes new Indy 500 Qualifying format, since I don't really think 4hrs of "enhanced viewing" on ABC's gonna move the ratings needle...


And thus, with the ridiculously LONG winter's break, I've found myself NOT missing IndyCar one Bloody iota, which I think is a bad thingy overall, especially since I've been a died-in-the-wool IndyCar Aficionado since the Mid-1980's! As I just really don't find Mark "I've Got a Plan!" Miles, J. Douglas Boles or any of the fine folks running Hulman & Co's board turning my crank, as it A-L-L just seems an overly slick marketing production being relentlessly carried out to ensure Indianapolis Motor Speedway's bottom line is protected and move along, there's NOTHIN' to look at over here in regards to the entire IndyCar series survival...

Although I did break down and listen to my very first Trackside with Kevin & Cavin's March 10th Podcast just over a Fortnight ago; Hey! After all it was Blogger Night - which I missed once again, as I wanted to check out thee competition...

As its all really too bad, since the actual On-track racing has been pretty fantastic with the Spec-series Dallara DW-12's and her vivacious Kardashian Humps; Hya! Along with at least two bonafied engine manufacturers fighting for bragging rights... Yet I fail to comprehend how swoopy, snazzy-looking "Body-by-Mennen" Aerokits or breaking "the Flying Dutchman's" (Arie Luyendyk) Pole speed record at Mother Speedway is gonna make such a serious impact upon the viability of the series?

Oh 'Whale, at least I'm mildly interested in hearing 'Ol Paul Page's pipes during the first practice session of the year, provided I can get the  FRIGGIN' Internetz link to cooperate? Which obviously was done to placate the old Guard IndyCar Diehards like Mwah; Yuhs know, like throwing your old 'Hoond' a milk bone, right? I mean overall they don't cost very much and are an easy way to appease said 'Hoonds, right!

Yet like 'Offical No Fenders Photographer 'CARPETS sez, where's A-L-L of the young up 'N comers? As his comment was in regards to Jacques Villeneuve's announcement of returning to the Speedway this May at the age of 42 after a 19-year hiatus, albeit there is some young blood on the way, although I can already hear the cries of where's the 'Yanks?

As leading the proverbial Young Guns parade is Carlos 'Silk Munoz at the ripe 'Ol age of 22, with "S-Squared," nee Sebastian Saavedra 23, along with rookies Jack Hawksworth, 23 and 'Rooskie Mikhail Aleshin 26.

Closer to home are North America's "Brat Pack" with the likes of: Joseph 'STUD! Newgarden, 23, Graham Rahal, 25, Marco Andretti, 27, "Thee Mayor 'O Hinchtown, (James Hinchcliffe) 27 and Charlie ("Murphy") Kimball, 29.


And while I GET I-T! (Pressdog) That without thy Starship IMS, the world of Indy Cars wouldn't exist and thus I should be "Singing in the Rain;" Err A-L-L Sunshine, Rainbows 'N Bunnies over the 24/7 Ad nausea A-L-L HAIL IMS!

But although thee 'Wee Willie Buxom's (Will Buxton) thoughts are a tad bit outlandish in his post, (link above) nevertheless he's got a valid point upon the perceived future of Indy Cars - as the series seems to be banking upon thy B-I-G names 'O Yesteryear along with some 'legendous 'RASSCAR BAD BOY, I for once cannot handle anymore of the Mother Speedway mania and thus will take a year off from attending Indianapolis this May - especially if I've gotta shill out $25 Smackeroo's just to get Mario Andretti's "John Hancock" again... And WTF? Who in thy HE-LL is this Jason Aldean guy? Oh Never Mind!

And what's this? If Yuhs purchase one Tenderloin sandwich at  IMS Yuhs getz duh second 'Juan FREE! Somme-thun' to dooze with "Double your trouble, Double your pleasure..." Uhm, Tenderloins are worth double, right?

And has anybody seen Dale Coyne's second driver? As I here that Indy Cars is giving Dale a Two-fer'; Err 2-for-1 admission on driver entries... Chirp-chirp, is this thingy on...

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