Monday, November 5, 2012

Thee ‘Kimster chills in the Desert...

The ‘Iceman Kimi Raikkonen celebrates his recent contract extension with another ‘Uber Cool race victory underneath the Desert stars on Yas Isle. (Source:

2012 Abu Dhabi GP
Whenever I think of the Yas Island circuit in Abu Dhabi, I think fondly of ‘Fredrico Suave (Alonso) giving Vitaly ‘VO5 Petrov the you’re number one salute which enabled Sebastian Vettel to become ‘Weldmeister for the first time in 2010...

Thus, what an absolutely FREAKIN’ UNBELIEVEABLE RACE! As I haven’t laughed myself silly like that so much for so long - that I spent the rest of Sunday basking in jubilation - along with my endorphins completely PEAKED! ‘Cause as we all know; when you PEAK, you win, right Danica? Hya!

Yet I was truly basking in the afterglow of what I’d have to say was the best Formula 1 race of the year! Having first just busted out in goofiness as “Louise ‘JAGUAR” Hamilton’s assured victory simply melted away, as Hamilton had the race win by the throat! As I’ve scribbled somewhere previously; Hmm? Me thinks perhaps his move to Mercedes might not be as bad as we think, since the Silver Arrows seem to be more reliable at the moment... Provided they’re not hurtling skywards over stricken HRT’s.

As SHEISA! What a scary looking accident that was between ‘Brittany (Nico Rosberg) and the NOT-so Speediest Indian, aka Narain Karthikeyan; as you know it was close if Karthikeyan’s in-car camera mount was ripped off; Aye Karumba! As the Indian driver reported after both drivers thankfully walked away that he’d had a hydraulics failure which locked up his steering...

And the carnage was overly thick as the Who’s “Pinball Wizard” song comes to mind, as I’m not sure who was the deaf, dumb and blind, as Mark Webber seemingly couldn’t stay out of the way of staying off the bumpers! Along with Sergio Perez getting nicked a stop-go penalty for his excessive use of the flippers; Err chrome horn...

Yet I simply was pissing myself silly; take that, Jay Penske! With laughter over thee ‘Kimsters delayed in-car radio transmissions - first with the team telling him Fernando Alonso was P2 five seconds adrift: “Leave me alone! I know what to do” Kimi shot back; then under the safety car the radio crackled once again telling him to keep his tyres warm; “YEAH-YEAH-YEAH-YEAH-YEAH! I KNOW WHAT TO DO!” Really not sure about the last part of that transmission ‘cause I was laughing too hard.

And I still don’t understand what Vettel was doing when he had to swerve violently and careen into the DRS activation foam marker - further braking his wing and forcing an unplanned pit stop, as Vettel would have to race his way back up thru the field a second time... As surely Alonso had to be shaking his head in disbelief to see Vettel finishing third!

As I spent the remainder of the race with four sets ‘O fingers crossed yelling at the Telescreen GO KIMI! And get ‘em ‘Zebb, knowing third place would limit his points lead damage control to an unbelievable three points loss; as Sebastian now leads Fernando by 10-points with two races remaining.

As surely Vettel’s drive today was the stuff of champions - and will play hugely pivotal in securing his third consecutive world title... But as Mary Ellen would be quick to point out - what about the constructors? As let’s look at how the entire Red Bull crew reacted to the team’s weekend of mechanical maladies...

First dealing with some sort of KERS/Battery cooling issue on Webber’s chassis Friday; then Vettel had brake issues before somebody didn’t put enough petrol into the tank for Q3 - which SPEED’s Bob Varsha described as ten thimble-fuls of petrol, since all cars are required not only to drive back to Parc Ferme on their own power but have one liter of fuel for post race scrutineering.

As I’m still quite baffled over why Red Bull threw engine supplier Renault under the bus - claiming it was their fault for not filling the car properly; Hmm? Shouldn’t this be the individual team’s responsibility? Or does this imply that Cosworth, Ferrari, Mercedes Benz and Renault actually fuel the grids fleet of racecars? Or are Red Bull trying to blame le Reggie for missing fuel mileage targets? As I find it karmically wonderful that a different Renault powered racing car took the victory instead!

Yet the Red Bull team repaired both of these chassis before further rebuilding Vettel’s car to enable him to overtake his way to the front of the grid - as Professor Matchett noted how the car was on high jack stands all the way up to the required time to report to Pitlane to begin the race. Thus while I’d say Vettel surely had the drive of the race - in my exuberance over Kimi’s first victory since the 2009 Belgian Grand Prix, along with it being Lotus-Renault-XP ‘Caladrociouses first win since 2008 at Japan with Alonso, before scraping through some lean years, I’ll give Kimi Raikkonen the nod instead!

Especially since its any team named Lotuses first victory since Ayrton Senna piloted that banana yellow Camel Lotus-Honda into victory lane at Detroit in 1987, a scant 25-years ago - as I know I watched that race; Aye Karumba!

And speaking of F1 Constructors, I find myself most intrigued over whom will take the all important tenth place of the Constructors championship which surely is a battle royale between Marussia and Caterham; as Marussia holds the coveted spot thanks to thee ‘Glockster’s (Timo Glock) 12th place finish at Singapore. As ‘KOVY (Heikke Kovalainen) was close again with his second 13th place finish today; as I have NO idea what the tie-breaker is?

After having to wait for the FUCKING leaf blowers to go away for 20mins; SHEISA! I could finally hear ‘Lucy, my ‘ESS-STEAMED! Screen-reader read me those most disparaging words that thee ‘Iceman & Master ‘Zebb said on the podium to the world... Really, you had to kill the sound & apologize for the words SHIT and FUCK IT UP; WTF? Which thankfully the ENTIRE vocabulary was printed in the Post-race conference, which Y’all can read below; as all I can say is Yee Haw! As Austin is going to be absolutely bonkers, as its almost time for me to gedie-up ‘N mosey on down to the Airport, although I AIn’T takin’ NO cowboy hat ‘Zebb; Hya!