Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Indy Car ranks swelling

With less than 48hrs until the roar of Honda “Lumps” coming to life in St. Petersburg, while the economy continues to sour, more ‘N more last minute deals are being struck with wayward Indy Racing League teams, as one Anonymous sponsor said: “Well, we can certainly get away with spending a HELLA of a LOT LESS over here then in RASSCAR...

RLR’s newest recruit
Making a last minute switch from NHLR, “Milka-licious” has been enticed to drive the Rahal Letterman Racing’s No. 17, which will be sponsored by Chiquita Bananas... As Bobby Rahal noted: “Whale we certainly had a lotto yellow paint left over from last year’s sponsor and we wanted to show just how much we’re disappointed over losing our Ethanol sponsorship to some sucar beat company! We’d have announced the deal sooner but we had to wait until all of the double zero’s had been changed to the number 17 on Milka’s Hand towels...

Squeaky clean Conquest?Rumours are swirlin’ in from Up North, Eh? That late to the dance ICS piloto “TAG;” Alex Tagliani is to be sponsored by Zest deodorant soap and will be driving the No. 34 “Zestfully Clean Machine.”

A Proctor & Gamble spokesperson said that they’d originally looked into an associate tie-up with Tony G’s Vision Racing’s No. 20 Edward Carpentier... But were a bit leery of his occasional F-Bomb droppings and decided to go with a “Kuh-nuck” since they’re so much more pleasant...

Diamond in the Rough?Apparently OWR soothsayer Robin Miller was a bit quick on his prediction over Acura pulling out of the American Le Mans Series... Although speculation is rampant that Takuma Sato will indeed race at Indianapolis this May as a second car entered by Rubicon Racing... As Taku will partner with Mario “Boom Boom” Dominguez as supposedly Buddy “Hot Rod” Rice is taking his Root Beer Sundae’s and Jordache Jeans to tag team with Townsend Bell’s Billy WRapps entry, of witch are both being prepared by Derrick Walker out of the old Marty “Turtle” Roth shops in Indianapolis.

While Dominguez will sport Avocado Growers de Mexico backing, Takuma will be flying the flag for Mr. Chang’s Tempura Fish Bar. Hmm? What’s with all of the food dealies? As I’d rally-rally-rally go for a Hamburger today, Err, Somebody get me a Cheesburger! Oh Never Mind...

Team 3G now Two Guys and a bunch of OwnersStanton Barrett, who as a rookie this year is seeking some guidance in his Indy Car pursuit, has enticed Tomas “Rockem-Sockem” Scheckter to “Man-up” with his newly formed Team 3G squad in an effort to run closer to the front of the pack.

Tomas is an excellent driver and has a wealth of experience and should really be a volatile, Err valuable addition to our fledgling team. And with rumours rampant that Tomas might be taking his $2.2m personal cheque to our competition, we thought it imperative to let others know to keep their hands off of our Eggo, Err Tomas!

Sources claim that his No. 86 Dalara/Honda will be sponsored by “The Roc” and Hasbro... Which Umph? Ironically seems fitting since some additional pieces may be required... Like spare Half-shafts, eh?

Tracy to race after all
Finally, Paul Tracy has managed to inked a partial season ride with Andretti Green Racing for 2009, as Mr. Chrome Horn will become AGR’s fith wheel, Err, fifth spoke in an impressive armada of Andretti Green racecar’s, as team boss “Mikey” Andretti said it’s the least we could do to help our bottom line for the upcoming Toronto race.

Yet, since I’m busy now telling Princess Danicker when to push the loud pedal, we’ve decided to use a novel approach with PT running a single car outta the AFS/AGR stable in selected events beginning at Indianapolis this May.

AGR’s spokesperson Cyndi Lauper said;
“We think that Paul Tracy will be a great fit with our team and obviously will run in all three of the Canadian events this year, along with a handful of other selected Ovals, starting with Indy.”
Look for Tracy to be behind the wheel of the No. 99 Subway/Monster Dallara/Honda Indy Car, as apparently those Subway sandwiches were just too fresh to pass up once again, as Kevin Saavery claims they’re a good compliment with Tony Kanaan’s 7/11’s home brewed coffee and assorted beverages... While Mikey could be heard saying “Oh Thank Heaven’s for Subway paying PT’s salary!”

Mmm, Mmm, Fresh!

Happy April FOOLS Day Y’all!

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