Monday, April 27, 2009

Milka makes 3

Whale I tells yuhs all... The IMS Radio Network really kracks me up... As the recorded loop informed us that the Indy Car Qualifications from Kansas Speedway would begin at the top of the hour... (Really? NO Kidding?) And then of course my win-DOUGHS media player went blank!

After re-logging in I got to hear my favourite “Hoosieronian” stating
“We’ve been informed that the Craftsman Truck Qualifying has run long. There’s been an incident on track with the Craftsman Trucks and they’re busy cleaning up debris and some oil on track...” (Which apparently led to the slight IMS Radio Network Brown-out?)

Uhm? Excuse me Mister Announcer... As I do indeed find it hilarious that you’re callin’ it the Craftsman Trucks since it pains me to know that its now uh-hum, the Camping World Series...

And good for you Mike “yippee Aye Kay” King coming on 20min later spewing venom on the BONEHEAD! Who laid down oil on track for a SENSELESS 35+ minute clean-up! As Davey Hamilton claimed the Pickem-Up Truck went onto track smokin’ before goin’ KABLAMOE in Turn 1. And then as Mr. King duly pointed out the Rocket Scientist behind the wheel proceeded to drive an entire lap around the track upon the racin’ line... Yo Bubbah, pull ‘dat F%%KING Pickem-Up Truck the HELL offa duh race track, yuh hear?

Thus Indy Car Qualifying didn’t begin until 12:40PM... Forty minutes LATE and I PITY THE FOOL! Who has to go explain to Brian I.H.J. Braveheart why the Pickem-Up Driver did NOT have a Brain! But I digress, as after all the Indy Cars managed to get everyone qualified without incident... As poetic justice intervened as the Trucks race would be curtailed early due to rain prior to the Thunderstorms and Tornado warnings... And its supposedly gonna rain Monday when they resume action...

Yet, who’d uh thunk it? An all Newman Haas Lanigan Racing front row as the very final qualifier Graham “Quarter Pounder” Rahal blistered the track for four laps, enroute to being the only driver to top 211mph... Hey at least I didn’t call him Ronald McDonald like Mr. Pit Stra-teeg-ist BRUT Arute-Arute did, eh?

And HE-Double L... Even Milkalicious out qualified R.E.O. Speedwagon & Hulio... Ok, heck all three females: Princess (3rd – YIKES!) Sarah Fisher (P11) and Milka Duno (P12) started ahead of Franchitti and Castroneves; along with the entire field, as the two drivers were deemed to have dipped below the white line on their runs... Hmm? Hasn’t Hulio done that before?

This in turn elevated Bad Bobby D, a.k.a. Robert Doornbos to second on his very first Oval Track escapade and hence, the NHLR front row lock-out which mimics the Toyota’s for the weekend’s F1 race in Bahrain, albeit the first time for NHLR and the last time Newman Haas Racing did that was way back in 1993 at Michigan with Nigel Mansell and Mario Andretti...

And I found it a bit gory to hear Davey Hamilton’s explanation over EJ “What, Me Worry”” Viso’s recent surgery, since the Venezuelan is apparently TOO PUMPED UP? And has had slits cut into his muscles to prevent his hands from falling asleep when his biceps become over-inflated... As Hamilton tried to explain that it’s a Motor-Crosser thingy where your arms get too pumped up and the blood loss makes your hands go asleep which probably AIN’T a good thing when you’re zoomin’ around at 210+ mph, eh? But it still sounds freaky... And late off of the newswires was the fact that EJ’s number thirteen wasn’t so lucky as his car was sent to the very back end of the grid for an undisclosed Technical infraction...

Thus Sunday arrived with the winds ablowin... As I settled in to watch my second Versus telecast... Of which soon became overly annoying... As I’m gonna rename it the Danicker Channel... I mean C’mon! Thank Goodness I wasn’t playin’ one ‘O ‘dem College drinking games where uze haveda swig, Hic... a shot ‘O Jaggermeister every time there’s a commercial with the Princess in it, Hic.

And without digressing into the whole Oval versus Road Courses theme, YAWN! Scott Dixon won another race as it settled into a predictable thrash upon the Big Three cheeses, i.e.; AGR, Penske and Target/Chip Ganassi... As Uhm? How many times can Dario & Scott weave the word Target into an interview, eh? As I was almost unawares of whose ‘dey drive-em for...

And I found it a bit disparaging that Milka got absolutely NO mention on the telecast other then when she was being passed and it wasn’t until lap 145 that Sarah Fisher got a shout out, but where’s Danica? As we’ve seemingly fallen straight back into the Danicker ‘N Hulio Show... Which should make the monstrous INDY 500 coverage a hoot, eh? And notice I’m NOT sayin’ a thing about the hour long SNORE pre-race show... As it seems a bit funny that Ryan “The IZOD Dude” Hunter-Reay doesn’t get some face time with the usual suspects, eh?

Now do you think anybody can beat the top three Bananas at Indy this year? As I’d thoroughly enjoy seeing Doornbos pull a rabbit outta his hat!

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