Wednesday, December 21, 2022

The 2022 Formula 1 Golden Tailpipe Awards edition

Oh Rudolf, you’re definitely lighting up these amazing No Fenders selections, Ho Ho Ho!


This year’s Holidazes have certainly Stunk! As Thy Turkey Lurkey Dazes Crud, Err cold that was Sweeping the Nation certainly took Ye Stuffing Outta Mwah! For which is why these F1 Golden Tailpipe Awards are fairly Sanguine, Eh?


As Y’all can compare ‘N contrast these Spur of Ye Cuff, Nonsensical selections vs. last year’s in the link below.



2022 F1 World Champion: Max Verstappen

2022 Constructors Champion: Red Bull Racing

2022 Monaco Grand Prix: Sergio Perez



1. Driver of The Year

Winner: Carlos Sainz Jr.

Yeah, Y’all are probably ah-Sayin’ Carlos Who for Driver Of the Year, Righto? But None of the Usual Suspects did anything to impress Mwah this year!


What gave the nod to Carlos for Mwah is that He Doesn’t Whine like other top name drivers, Yoo Hoo Maximus Hothead!


And although Carlos was beset by a bevy of mechanical Gremlins, multiple Power Unit changes, Pit strategy Blunders and other team issues. Sainz seemingly didn’t give up and claimed His maiden Grand Prix victory on His 150th start! Coming on the Heels of His Debutante Pole position, which ultimately was the first of three Poles scored this season.


Not to mention I’m always amazed at how Hard Carlos and His competitors work behind the wheel, especially when playing Sainz’as In-car radio! As it would be nice to think that it’ll be a “Fair” Fight against esteemed team leader Charles Leclerc in 2023, whenever the new Team Principal’s announced. Since I’m guessing it’s only a matter of time before Frederik Vasser’s installed at Maranello…


Other Choices

Alex Albon, Kevin Magnussen, Valtteri Bottas and Sergio Perez


2. Biggest Disappointments of The Year

The Biggest Disappointment has to be Porpoise Gate! Like this is the Sport that Bill’s itself as The Pinnicle of Motorsport! And yet their brand new chassis were Pogo sticking Up ‘N down the racetracks All over the Globe, Crikeys! Which is may be why Miami brought in a Bevy ‘O Mermaids for it’s Grand Prix Debut, Eh? Y’all know, right next to the Faux Lake in the Hard rock Stadium’s Parkring lot. No, look Over Thar!


As the phenomen was caused by the reintroduction of Ground Effects in the name of improving F1 chassis following each other. And as we All know, Mercedes got their design the worst of the Big Dawgs’ and chased Thar Tails all the way to Abu Dhabi…


Other Disappointments lie with Red Bull Racing’s Cost Cap infringement of the 2021 F1 Season. Along with ‘lil Maximus Hothead’s continuous Child-like Tantrum Throwing escapades! As I tried sharing my thoughts first following Maximilian’s Sky Sports row at Mexico City in the following No Fenders tome.


And then further pontificated Max’s ridiculous Behaviour in Sao Paolo, as Seriously Max? You’ve definitely been Naughty this year!


3. Race of The Year

Winner: British Grand Prix

Ok, it’s so long ago now, I hardly remember it. But I know that the Silverstone race was a veritable Donnybrook! As I tend to recall that Ferrari’s Charles Leclerc was Bellyaching for la Scuderia to put Him in front of Carlos. With the Spaniard having to pass for the lead twice. Not to mention during a late race restart. Along with Leclerc and Golden Child’, aka Sir Lewis Hamilton having a Mega Mano e Mano passing Duel which collectively had everyone Holding their Breaths as they went Wheel to wheel!


But I was estatic for Carlos finally Breaking His duck! And He definitely earned this win! As it’s just a Shame He only netted a single victory this season…


Other Choices

Brazil, Baku, Mexico City?


4. Most Improved Team of the Year

Winner: Alfa Romeo F1 Team Orlen

Initially I’d planned on giving this choice to the plucky Haas F1 Team. But upon complying this year’s F1 constructors points tally, I was more impressed by Alfa Romeo’s improvement.

As the Switzerland based Sauber AG concern moved up the pecking order by three places, albeit having finished level on points with Aston Martin. But won on the first Tiebreaker. Arse-sumedly Valtteri’s two finishes of sixth place being better than Aston’s…


And although it’s a far cry from His fiver year stint at the All conquering Silver Arrows, Valtteri Bottas scored the bulk of the team’s 55 points, over four times better than 2021’s tally of 13. With Valtteri’s 49 points netting the Afable Finn’ tenth Overall in the Drivers rankings this season…


5. Most Disappointing Team of the Year

Co-winners: Scuderia Ferrari, Mercedes-AMG Petronas F1 Team

Giving this to two of the sport’s top Teams for obvious reasons! Although both have already been discussded Ad Nauseim…


What more can I say about la Scuderia? Although History will show they finished Runner-up in this year’s Constructors Battle, they were a distant 200-plus points behind Red Bull! And from mechanical woes to ridiculous Pit strategies, somebody Had to take the Fall, which is why I guess Mattia Binotto has reluctantly Resigned after a lifetime at Ferrari…


Ditto for Mercedes, even though I’m quite Happy to Have a different F1 Constructors Champion for the first time since 2014! But you just wouldn’t expect the Eight-times Constructors Champion to get it’s car so wrong, and be the Butt of Porpoise Gate!