Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Its Schuey Day at No Fenders (3rd Edition)

Another long forgotten F1 Racing magazine cover featuring a jubilant Michael Schumacher's recent success. (The Tomaso Collection)

Ho Hum, another year, and Michael's still Sleeping. As what a Horrific way to celebrate your 48th birthday; SHEISA!

Somehow the joy 'O scribbling 'bout Herr Schumacher seems totally anti-climatic to Mwah, almost making me wonder if my No Fenders BLOB's on the same trajectory?

As won't bother trying to recap any of last year's bluster over Michael's getting Better, right Ross Brawn? As it's sad to think that Michael's just slept thru his past Mercedes GP team-mate becoming world champion...

Alas, I'll take a somewhat different tack this year, trying to focus upon the different eras of Grands Prix racing revolving round DER TERMINATOR...

Really hard to believe that nearly 21yrs ago, this February, Herr Schumacher, nee Michael, NOT to be Cornfuzed with his famous brother Ralfanso; Hya! Was buttoning himself into the cockpit of a Scuderia Ferrari Formula Uno Landshark in scarlet overalls for the first time during winter testing.

For which of course we A-L-L know how Schuey & Co. built la Scuderia into dominating winners during the Schumacher Dynasty, nee 1999-2004, albeit '99 was the year of his lone major injury, having broken his leg during that summer's British GP.

Pretty funny how A-L-L of thee Attention's been firmly affixed upon some Bloke named Nico Rosberg, who at age 31, and having squarely beaten arch rival and Silver Arrows protagonist Lewis Hamilton, has most definitely had the last laugh upon everyone, including Lewis! With his shock retirement announcement just five days after securing his Formula 1 world championship.

Thus the spotlight's searching every nook and cranny to illuminate who'll possibly replace Rosberg's vacant seat in the most dominant chassis on the F1 grid currently, heading into 2017.

Can Y'all say Valtteri Bottas, Ja Volt!

As 2015 DTM champion Pascal Wehrlein has to be wondering if he'll get "the Call?" Having already been passed over by Force India in favour of fellow Mercedes Driver Academy stable-mate Esteban Ocon, the Silver Arrows reserve is naturally choppin' at Der Bitz' Ja-Ja to be elevated to this most prestigious drive!

Although the smart money would apparently be upon Valtteri Bottas getting the nod over Wehrlein next season after some prodigious "Horse Trading," nee discounted PU's and a Technical Director to boot!

All of which leaves the third German on the grid, NO NOT 'lil Sid Viddle, which notice how I'm NOT talking 'bout him in this rant. As ze quadruple world champion who's living in Michael's shadow at la Scuderia, nee Ferrari's Seb' Vettel whilst being most amusing, somehow I cannot conjure up images of Schuey telling Charlie Whiting To F$$K OFF! Or be so overly Potty-mouthed, Ja Volt!

Naw, instead, it's Der "Incredible Hulkster," aka Nico Hulkenberg, or perhaps simply the other Nico?

As Hulkenberg's finally made I-T to a "Works" Factory team, albeit surely he'd preferred Rosberg letting him know of his plans prior to inking his deal with le Reggie!

As Renault Sport's definitely in a rebuilding mode currently. As I've got ZERO idea if Enstone can ever get back to their past "Promised Land" as world champions? Then again I just don't see any of the current Mercedes Power Unit customers capable of winning Grands Prix at the moment...

As I'm ARSE-Sumin' that Herr Wehrlein will stay on the F1 grid next year, either at Sauber or Manor, and then hopefully graduating to Team Willy' (Williams F1) for 2018...

Although perhaps not on everybody's radar, nonetheless, DER TERMINATORS' son Mick is in the news from time to time, as he seeks to progress up the racing ladder, having contested multiple F4 series this past season. As Prema Powerteam's manager Rene Rosin says the young German's ready to progress to European F3 in 2017.

Two names I've never heard of before are Maximilian Gunther and David Beckmann, who both contested European F3 this year. As Beckmann was making his series debut for Mucke Motorsport, whilst Herr Gunther in his sophomore campaign wound up second overall to some KuhNuck named Lance Stroll, one of his team-mates at Prema Powerteam.

And while I've initially mixed up the two Maxxes, Cornfuzing current Mercedes AMG DTM chauffer Maximilian Gotz with Herr Günther; you say Gunther, I say gotz; Hya! Although Gunther and his oomphlats subsequently been called-up to the Mercedes Young Drivers Academy try-out at Jerez recently.

Hence, at age 19, no idea if Gunter's being groomed to join Formula 1 someday, a la past DTM protégés Wehrlein & Ocon.

As there's a total of eight German drivers making their careers in Deutsche Tourenwagen Masters right now, with none of Der Fatherland's aspiring Open Wheel Racing talents having contested last year's GP3 or Formula V-8 3.5 Feeder Series, whilst won't even bother with F4 Hot Schues.

Which just leaves Marvin Kirchhofer potentially ready to make the leap up to thee pinnacle 'O motorsports, nee F1. As Kirchhofer made his GP2 series debut last year with Carlin, albeit some Cat named Louis Deletraz filled his seat at 'Yabba Dabba Du's (Abu Dhabi) season finale, where the Swiss teenager made his GP2 debut - and will now contest the 2017 season as a rookie for Racing Engineering.

Alas, as we A-L-L know, there'll never be another Michael Schumacher, who I'd like to see keep his records for most Formula 1 world championships and wins intact. As I-T just doesn't seem right that somebody named Hamilton should be able to usurp the current totals of seven titles and 91 victories! Even if records are made to be broken...